1. How's that? Is that good for you?Copy !req
2. Not really.
You're just dry humping my leg.Copy !req
3. Okay, um, let's switch positions.Copy !req
4. What about this?Copy !req
5. Oh, leg cramp!Copy !req
6. Oh! Ooh! Okay. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
7. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
8. Oh!Copy !req
9. Do you have to be so vigorous?Copy !req
10. Sex is meant to be vigorous.Copy !req
11. - Oh!
- Okay, time out. Time out.Copy !req
12. Um...Copy !req
13. Do you want me to go down on you? Ruthie?Copy !req
14. Or we could watch Blue Planet?Copy !req
15. Okay.Copy !req
16. Well, the silky sharks
are a beautiful shark.Copy !req
17. And what makes them even more fascinatingCopy !req
18. is that there are thousands of them here.Copy !req
19. Minge!Copy !req
20. That's enough.Copy !req
21. Settle down.Copy !req
22. - Ah-ha!
- Hey.Copy !req
23. - You're in love with Maeve.
- What?Copy !req
24. - I'm not... I'm not in love.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
25. Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
26. You've been glued to your phone
for, like, three weeks,Copy !req
27. and every time she texts you,
this happens.Copy !req
28. - What happens? Oh, sorry.
- Watch it, breadstick.Copy !req
29. Okay. Have a nice day.Copy !req
30. This! You turn into smiley,
happy cupcake Otis. It's weird.Copy !req
31. I don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
32. Maeve and I are work colleagues
and we're friends. That's it.Copy !req
33. - Yeah. Friends.
- Boys and girls can be friends.Copy !req
34. Yeah, sure. Their
genitals can be friends.Copy !req
35. I thought you said Maeve was
with Jackson now, anyway.Copy !req
36. They're not with each other.
They're just, you know...Copy !req
37. Having super-hot, athletic,
sweaty intercourse?Copy !req
38. - Casual sex.
- Uh! Uh!Copy !req
39. You seem to know a lot
about her relationship status.Copy !req
40. Yes, because we're friends
and friends share things.Copy !req
41. Like bodily fluids?Copy !req
42. Hey, look.Copy !req
43. - Still looking for a job?
- Hah, yeah.Copy !req
44. Nice try, but you can't distract meCopy !req
45. from the fact
that you're clearly in love with Maeve!Copy !req
46. - That was good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
47. I haven't seen you for a while.Copy !req
48. I thought you didn't
wanna hook up anymore.Copy !req
49. - I've been busy.
- All right.Copy !req
50. Do you wanna hang out later?Copy !req
51. - We just had sex.
- I mean, like...Copy !req
52. You know, hang out.Copy !req
53. Jackson, I'm not offended
that you wanna keep this a secret.Copy !req
54. It's casual and it works for me.Copy !req
55. You don't have to try
and be honorable and shit. Okay?Copy !req
56. See you later.Copy !req
57. Sh...Copy !req
58. Oh, my God. Jackson is so hot.Copy !req
59. Jackson is looking at us. God.Copy !req
60. - Jackson's approaching us.
- Mind if I join you?Copy !req
61. - Jackson is here.
- Uh...Copy !req
62. - You know Maeve, right?
- Nah.Copy !req
63. Yes, you do. He does.Copy !req
64. Well, yeah, I mean... we're friends.
We're just friends, you know.Copy !req
65. - Hey, man, I'm...
- Handsome.Copy !req
66. - Sorry, you are...
- Eric.Copy !req
67. Eric.Copy !req
68. Some people know me as Tromboner.Copy !req
69. - So, I need your help.
- Me?Copy !req
70. I mean... me?Copy !req
71. - Well, Maeve and I, we're, you know...
- Boning.Copy !req
72. Yeah. And it's great.Copy !req
73. But I've sort of realized that I want her
to hang around with me more.Copy !req
74. - Mm.
- You know, afterwards.Copy !req
75. After the boning. Mm.Copy !req
76. Yeah, so I thought you could help me out.Copy !req
77. You want him to help you get Maeve
to be your girlfriend?Copy !req
78. Yeah.Copy !req
79. Yeah, I don't really know what I can do.Copy !req
80. So...Copy !req
81. - Well, I mean, you're her friend.
- You're her friend?Copy !req
82. And I heard you
sort of give out sex advice.Copy !req
83. - Yeah, he does.
- Yeah.Copy !req
84. So I thought
you were the right person to talk to.Copy !req
85. I mean, I can pay, if that's the problem.Copy !req
86. - I...
- Oh, shit, I've gotta run.Copy !req
87. - Let's catch up later.
- Wait, no.Copy !req
88. I really appreciate this, man. Take care.Copy !req
89. - Yeah.
- This...Copy !req
90. Is that Jackson's new girlfriend?Copy !req
91. Oh! Ha! You are like a pimp.Copy !req
92. And not the cool Snoop Dogg kind.Copy !req
93. Hm!Copy !req
94. D.Copy !req
95. D.Copy !req
96. E.Copy !req
97. And on this one
you just drew a picture of a...Copy !req
98. That's a... It's a woman's behind.Copy !req
99. There. There's a...Copy !req
100. - That's a bumhole, there's a vagina.
- You won't be laughingCopy !req
101. when you throw yourself off
a motorway bridge at the age of 35Copy !req
102. because of the failure you have become!Copy !req
103. I have spoken to the dean
at Mountview Military this morning.Copy !req
104. - Dad, I...
- Your name is on the waiting list.Copy !req
105. You have until the end of termCopy !req
106. to get these grades up
and change my mind.Copy !req
107. Sorry I'm late. I had a, uh...Copy !req
108. Had a thing.Copy !req
109. Get it together, we've got clients.Copy !req
110. Roger. Affirmative. Good to go.Copy !req
111. It's like the more we try,
the worse it gets.Copy !req
112. Like we can't get in sync
or find a rhythm.Copy !req
113. When we're having sex, I feel like
I've never seen a vagina before.Copy !req
114. But I have, I've got one
and I've looked at it a lot.Copy !req
115. It's got to the point where when
I think about touching Ruthie,Copy !req
116. I get really panicked, because
I know it's gonna be really bad.Copy !req
117. Like when you put together
a bookshelf from IKEACopy !req
118. and you realize
you don't have the right screwCopy !req
119. and the whole thing was a waste of timeCopy !req
120. and then you just hate everything
about Sweden.Copy !req
121. Ruthie, tell him how bad it is.Copy !req
122. Look, I don't know why we're doing this.Copy !req
123. It's not like some advice
from a 16-year-old straight dudeCopy !req
124. is gonna magically fix us.Copy !req
125. It's stupid.Copy !req
126. Yeah, well, I mean, you're right, Ruthie.Copy !req
127. I'm not particularly well-versedCopy !req
128. in the intricacies
of lesbian sexual relations,Copy !req
129. but I think,Copy !req
130. if I can learn a bit moreCopy !req
131. about your emotional
relationship to one another,Copy !req
132. I might be able to get closer
to the root of the problem.Copy !req
133. We don't have a problem
with our relationship.Copy !req
134. We're in love and it's great.Copy !req
135. We're just...Copy !req
136. inexperienced.Copy !req
137. This is my first lesbian relationship.Copy !req
138. Me too.Copy !req
139. First, I mean,
lesbian sex therapy session.Copy !req
140. So have you got any ideas, Kinsey?Copy !req
141. I'd like to have an orgasm
sometime this century.Copy !req
142. Yeah, leave it with me.Copy !req
143. I'll do some research
and see what I can come up with.Copy !req
144. Yeah, brilliant.Copy !req
145. Thanks, thank you.Copy !req
146. How'd it go?Copy !req
147. Might be a tricky one.Copy !req
148. Ah...Copy !req
149. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
150. I'm sorry, I'm coming
down with something.Copy !req
151. Nothing serious, though.Copy !req
152. Do you want to come in
and we can get started?Copy !req
153. - I'm just gonna grab my...
- Follow me.Copy !req
154. Have a seat.Copy !req
155. I won't bite.Copy !req
156. So...Copy !req
157. scrotal anxiety.Copy !req
158. Your email implies you've been struggling
with this for a while.Copy !req
159. Why don't you start by telling me
your earliest memory of your scrotum?Copy !req
160. Oh, goodness.Copy !req
161. I'm sorry, I completely forgot.Copy !req
162. I, uh...Copy !req
163. - I'm having my bathroom redone.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
164. I have my tools outside.Copy !req
165. So I'd better go and get them, right?Copy !req
166. Earliest memory,Copy !req
167. I'd just turned five.Copy !req
168. And I was looking down,Copy !req
169. and thought,Copy !req
170. "Oh, there are my balls."Copy !req
171. The topic for this year's sixth form
essay competition isCopy !req
172. "Every great dream
begins with a dreamer."Copy !req
173. Entry is compulsory.Copy !req
174. This is a fantastic opportunity
that could look very goodCopy !req
175. on your university applications
next year.Copy !req
176. Are any of you even listening?
No, I didn't think so. Anyway...Copy !req
177. Here's some more information.
Take it or leave it.Copy !req
178. I'll be interested to see your take
on this, Maeve. Genuinely.Copy !req
179. - I'm giving the money back.
- No, hold up.Copy !req
180. You have a rare opportunity here to use
your power for self-interest.Copy !req
181. What do you mean?Copy !req
182. You keep the money. Give Jackson
the wrong advice. Make trouble.Copy !req
183. Okay, that is unethicalCopy !req
184. - on so many levels.
- Oh!Copy !req
185. Yeah, unethical or...Copy !req
186. badass?Copy !req
187. - Completely unethical.
- Ugh!Copy !req
188. Eric, I'm giving the money back.Copy !req
189. Okay? End of story.Copy !req
190. Well, after you then, Captain Morality.Copy !req
191. Otis!Copy !req
192. You tracked me down.Copy !req
193. Listen, I...
I need to give this back to you.Copy !req
194. I feel uncomfortable talking
behind Maeve's back. It's wrong.Copy !req
195. It's unethical and it's just wrong.Copy !req
196. - I get it.
- All right, cool.Copy !req
197. Yeah. No problem. You're
an honorable guy.Copy !req
198. - Great. Here's the money.
- Maeve is such a head-fuck, man.Copy !req
199. Like a Rubik's Cube. She says one thing
and then does something else.Copy !req
200. And I can't keep up.Copy !req
201. - Know what I mean?
- Not really. But here you go.Copy !req
202. We'll have crazy amazing sex, yeah?Copy !req
203. I'm talking, like,
transcendental-level shagging.Copy !req
204. - Okay, stop!
- Aaah!Copy !req
205. And then she ignores me for days.Copy !req
206. But then, she wants to do it again
and round and round we go.Copy !req
207. She's like some sexy merry-go-round,
and I can't get off.Copy !req
208. She's not an object!Copy !req
209. Ohh... What?Copy !req
210. Uh... I said she's not an object.Copy !req
211. You keep describing her as inanimate
objects, but she is a person.Copy !req
212. Have you even thought
about asking her what she wantsCopy !req
213. or what she likes?Copy !req
214. - Well, what does she like?
- Lots of things.Copy !req
215. Um... Female writers, for a start.Copy !req
216. Oh, like The Hunger Games?Copy !req
217. More like, uh, Virginia Woolf
or Roxane Gay or Sylvia Plath.Copy !req
218. She also has a great taste in music.
Joy Division, Nirvana, Bikini Kill...Copy !req
219. But she's not a snob.
I mean, she'll listen to pop.Copy !req
220. And she has a really dark sense of humor.Copy !req
221. I didn't know that.Copy !req
222. What are you... What are you doing?Copy !req
223. I'm taking notes. This is super helpful.Copy !req
224. No! No! I'm not helping.Copy !req
225. - This is not helping.
- Yeah, it is.Copy !req
226. Stop pulling your pricks and
get out here! 40 lengths!Copy !req
227. Get a move on, Jackson.Copy !req
228. Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver.Copy !req
229. - Take care.
- Yeah.Copy !req
230. Bye, Jackson.Copy !req
231. Oh, no.Copy !req
232. Good job.Copy !req
233. Good job.Copy !req
234. Ugh.Copy !req
235. Go get herpes somewhere else, guys.Copy !req
236. Oh, hey, Maeve.Copy !req
237. You're not actually reading
Virginia Woolf.Copy !req
238. Why wouldn't I be? She's
a brilliant mind.Copy !req
239. Who's the big-nosed chick?Copy !req
240. A fierce, feminist voice
of 20th-century Britain, obviously.Copy !req
241. I've never seen you read before.
Is this some kind of joke?Copy !req
242. No! I read all the time.Copy !req
243. Hey.Copy !req
244. Do you know you are the only personCopy !req
245. to take this book out of the library
since 1972?Copy !req
246. Not anymore, apparently.Copy !req
247. So now he's a feminist!Copy !req
248. You've made the hottest guy in school
even hotter.Copy !req
249. He's basically Ryan Gosling. Well done.Copy !req
250. You don't understand. He's like a Jedi.Copy !req
251. Okay? He just talked, and no matter
what I did, he got what he wanted.Copy !req
252. The one thing you had going for you
was that you're all woke and shit.Copy !req
253. Kind of counters
the whole lame virgin thing.Copy !req
254. Now he's checking his privilege.
It's game over.Copy !req
255. - It's not a game.
- It is a game.Copy !req
256. - Because Maeve and I are just friends.
- Hm.Copy !req
257. Anyway, she's not gonna fall
for this whole performance.Copy !req
258. Oh, my God, I love Virginia Woolf.Copy !req
259. Nice guys finish last.Copy !req
260. Especially when there's a nicer guy
with rock-hard abs.Copy !req
261. Ruby thinks Kyle should change
the way he dresses,Copy !req
262. but I think he looks nice.Copy !req
263. He has been wearing
a lot of trackie bottoms recently,Copy !req
264. but that's only
'cause he set his jeans on fire.Copy !req
265. What?Copy !req
266. He's got second-degree burns
on his thighs,Copy !req
267. but he was blazed when it happened,
so it only hurt a bit.Copy !req
268. Hey, Maeve.Copy !req
269. What do you think Woolf meant by,Copy !req
270. "The history of men's opposition
to women's emancipationCopy !req
271. is more interesting, perhaps,Copy !req
272. than the story of that
emancipation itself"?Copy !req
273. That men are dicks, and selective
castration is our only hope.Copy !req
274. You know, you are so dark.Copy !req
275. What?Copy !req
276. Your humor, it's dark. I like dark humor.Copy !req
277. - Okay, bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
278. He's being so weird.Copy !req
279. I think he's peacocking.Copy !req
280. But with words.Copy !req
281. Girls, less chatting, more running!Copy !req
282. - Look! Look, look, look!
- I know! Okay!Copy !req
283. Are you listening to Sløtface?Copy !req
284. Oh, what? Sløtface?
Yeah, their new album is incredible.Copy !req
285. Since when do you like punk?Copy !req
286. Oh, wait, do you like punk?Copy !req
287. - Among other things.
- Ah!Copy !req
288. Well, I've actually got a spare ticket
for this local band night.Copy !req
289. Pussyfest. Do you wanna come?Copy !req
290. - Maybe.
- All right, it's a date.Copy !req
291. Actually, I can't.
I've got an essay to write.Copy !req
292. - Huh?
- Have fun, though.Copy !req
293. She's not gonna text you.Copy !req
294. She's texting Jackson now.Copy !req
295. Who needs a friend
when you have a boyfriend?Copy !req
296. Uh, he's not her boyfriend. Okay?Copy !req
297. I mean, I wouldn't care if he was,
but he's not.Copy !req
298. He's literally not.Copy !req
299. Well, well. Appears you were wrong.Copy !req
300. I've gotta go.Copy !req
301. See, Maeve and I still run
a sex clinic together.Copy !req
302. And that's still weird.Copy !req
303. That's really, really weird.Copy !req
304. N... No, it's fine.Copy !req
305. Quite a bit of mold,
but, uh, it's fixable.Copy !req
306. Great.Copy !req
307. - I mean, that's fine.
- Yeah.Copy !req
308. Are you writing another book?Copy !req
309. Uh...Copy !req
310. I mean, I saw that you've...
you've written books,Copy !req
311. this morning, in your office.Copy !req
312. Yes, I did. A very long time ago.Copy !req
313. But, um... I don't really write anymore.Copy !req
314. Why?Copy !req
315. Well, um...Copy !req
316. I wrote that last book with my...Copy !req
317. ex-husband.Copy !req
318. And we split just after the publication.Copy !req
319. And I tried, but, to be honest, um...Copy !req
320. the fear creeps in a
bit as you get older.Copy !req
321. I don't know why I'm telling you that.Copy !req
322. Fuck fear.Copy !req
323. I'm sorry?Copy !req
324. Fuck the fear.Copy !req
325. Tomorrow, you could be driving along
in your car, happily,Copy !req
326. and then, uh, smash you, uh, head to head
with an 18-wheeler truckCopy !req
327. and you're squished to the road,
and you're dead.Copy !req
328. Just a waste of time.Copy !req
329. So fuck fear.Copy !req
330. Hello, darling.Copy !req
331. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
332. - Are you all right?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
333. - Homework stuff.
- Well...Copy !req
334. I should leave you to it.Copy !req
335. Sorry.Copy !req
336. It's okay.Copy !req
337. Hello!Copy !req
338. Are you a friend of Otis'?Copy !req
339. No, I'm here to pick up my father.Copy !req
340. You know, intense European dude.
Thinks he's a comedian.Copy !req
341. Piercing blue eyes. He's got "fuck"
written across his hand...Copy !req
342. Don't be a man-child,
get a move on. I'm late for work!Copy !req
343. I am ignoring you. Hurry up.Copy !req
344. Please can I use your bathroom?Copy !req
345. Yes. It's upstairs.Copy !req
346. Thanks.Copy !req
347. Mum!Copy !req
348. You're not my mum.Copy !req
349. I just... I'm not...Copy !req
350. This is research!Copy !req
351. Uh...Copy !req
352. You should probably think about
gettin' a lock on this door.Copy !req
353. Where's the bathroom?Copy !req
354. - Uh, on your left.
- Thanks.Copy !req
355. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!Copy !req
356. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.Copy !req
357. Oh, don't annoy me.Copy !req
358. How have you pooped?Copy !req
359. Oh, yuck.Copy !req
360. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck,
yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.Copy !req
361. Okay, stay.Copy !req
362. Yeah, you should feel bad.Copy !req
363. Ugh.Copy !req
364. Uh... Francis, Bacon, get back here!Copy !req
365. Oh! Come on! Come on!Copy !req
366. What the hell?Copy !req
367. Uh, Francis!Copy !req
368. Bacon!Copy !req
369. Shit.Copy !req
370. Oh, okay. Come on, guys, come on.Copy !req
371. Oh. Come on.Copy !req
372. Hey.Copy !req
373. Sorry, new job. Dog walker.Copy !req
374. Gay.Copy !req
375. Quiet, Madam.Copy !req
376. Be quiet, Madam.Copy !req
377. Um...Copy !req
378. She's not my dog. She's my mum's.Copy !req
379. Yeah, she's cute.Copy !req
380. She's a champ. Okay?Copy !req
381. She's like the Kim Kardashian
of tiny dogs.Copy !req
382. Oh.Copy !req
383. Up, Madam.Copy !req
384. Up! Show me tits.Copy !req
385. - Good girl. Oh! Good girl.
- Hey!Copy !req
386. That is wicked.Copy !req
387. Hey, Madam sounds a bit like Adam.Copy !req
388. What are you trying to say?Copy !req
389. Nothing. Nothing. Okay, bye. Bye, um...Copy !req
390. - Madam! Madam!
- Um...Copy !req
391. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
392. Uh, I've gotta drop these off,
but I can come back...Copy !req
393. Don't bother, okay?Copy !req
394. You shouldn't be walkin' dogs
if you can't control them.Copy !req
395. Just fuck off.Copy !req
396. Madam! Madam!Copy !req
397. You can't even walk a dog!Copy !req
398. The mind boggles!Copy !req
399. Think about poor Madam!Copy !req
400. Won't last five minutes!Copy !req
401. Are you happy?Copy !req
402. You broke her heart. Your own mother.Copy !req
403. It wasn't me. I swear it wasn't my fault.Copy !req
404. Excuses, excuses. Go on, go!Copy !req
405. Fuck!Copy !req
406. Hello.Copy !req
407. Hi.Copy !req
408. Okay, then.Copy !req
409. I heard a thing.Copy !req
410. Okay.Copy !req
411. This thing concerns your virginal status.Copy !req
412. Excuse me?Copy !req
413. I heard on the grapevine
that your cherry remains unpopped.Copy !req
414. - That's none of your business.
- Yeah, let's skip the faux modesty.Copy !req
415. - I'm down if you are.
- Down?Copy !req
416. Deflowering the maiden.Copy !req
417. Breaking the lawn chair,
skinning the fish.Copy !req
418. - Your dick in my vagina.
- What do you say?Copy !req
419. Yeah, um...Copy !req
420. Wait, sorry, who are you?Copy !req
421. Whoever you want me to be.Copy !req
422. Also, I'm Lily.Copy !req
423. Well, thanks, Lily, but, um...Copy !req
424. I'm gonna have to politely decline.Copy !req
425. Okay.Copy !req
426. Well, if you change your mind,Copy !req
427. you can usually find me in music room B.Copy !req
428. Or algebra club.Copy !req
429. Bye, then.Copy !req
430. Bye.Copy !req
431. Woof-woof-woof! O-Dawg!Copy !req
432. Uh... J... Dude.Copy !req
433. Just wanna say thanks for the help, man.Copy !req
434. Me and Maeve have been texting all night.Copy !req
435. - She's, like, mad brainy.
- Yeah. I know.Copy !req
436. I'm actually into
some of this stuff too, you know.Copy !req
437. - It is good to look outside your bubble.
- Yeah, I guess it is.Copy !req
438. - It's all thanks to you, man.
- You know what, Jackson?Copy !req
439. - I...
- Ah, that's her!Copy !req
440. - I didn't...
- Gotta go. Thank you.Copy !req
441. - Wait.
- Yeah?Copy !req
442. Okay.Copy !req
443. Yo!Copy !req
444. It's for you.Copy !req
445. It's soup, for a sick person.Copy !req
446. Oh, no! Oh, you shouldn't have done that.Copy !req
447. I'm feeling so much better today.
Just a scratchy throat.Copy !req
448. Still, uh... eat the soup.
It's good for you.Copy !req
449. No one's ever made me soup before.Copy !req
450. It's just soup.Copy !req
451. Okay, back to work, then.Copy !req
452. Excuse me.Copy !req
453. Excuse me.Copy !req
454. Mm!Copy !req
455. Why don't you just go out with him?Copy !req
456. Let's do a mind map.Copy !req
457. - What's that?
- Oh, it's just writing stuff down.Copy !req
458. But in a fun way that engages
all sides of your brain.Copy !req
459. You mean both sides.Copy !req
460. Yeah, all of them.Copy !req
461. It's really good for hard decisionsCopy !req
462. like, should I get a fringe,Copy !req
463. even though Mum says
it'll make my face look chubby?Copy !req
464. Or should I tell Mum I hate her
and run away from home?Copy !req
465. Hm?Copy !req
466. So, let's start with Jackson's nice bits.Copy !req
467. Okay. Um...Copy !req
468. He's good at sex.Copy !req
469. Like, properly good.Copy !req
470. Mm!Copy !req
471. - Uh, he's attractive.
- And he's popular.Copy !req
472. Mm-hm. And he's going places.Copy !req
473. Like, he's not a slacker.Copy !req
474. No, he's probably gonna be president
or something.Copy !req
475. We don't have presidents
in this country, Aimee.Copy !req
476. Okay, what else?Copy !req
477. Do you have things in common?Copy !req
478. Yeah, we do.Copy !req
479. - Weirdly.
- So...Copy !req
480. Cons?Copy !req
481. - I don't want a boyfriend.
- I don't get it.Copy !req
482. Having a boyfriend is the best thing.Copy !req
483. What's so good about it?Copy !req
484. You always have someone to hang out with.Copy !req
485. And, like, last week, I
got chased by a fox,Copy !req
486. and Kyle threw a shoe at it.Copy !req
487. It was so romantic.Copy !req
488. This is good. It's really helpful,
being in the water, isn't it?Copy !req
489. It's freeing us up.Copy !req
490. We're really figuring out how
our bodies can intertwine.Copy !req
491. It's working well for me.
Is it working for you?Copy !req
492. No.Copy !req
493. How's it going, guys?Copy !req
494. What are you doing?Copy !req
495. I don't want you to think
I engineered this situationCopy !req
496. for my own sexual gratification.Copy !req
497. That would be super creepy.Copy !req
498. Hence the backwards stance.Copy !req
499. This is even creepier.
Just turn around. Stop being creepy.Copy !req
500. Well, like I said before, I am
a sex and relationship therapist.Copy !req
501. You are a teenager with
an inflated sense of self-importance.Copy !req
502. Right. Well, I have a hunchCopy !req
503. that this is more to do
with your relationshipCopy !req
504. than your physical intimacy.Copy !req
505. - How's your communication?
- We've known each otherCopy !req
506. since primary school,
and we talk for hours.Copy !req
507. - It might help.
- Interesting.Copy !req
508. How long have you guys been together?Copy !req
509. About four months.Copy !req
510. We both came out around the same time
and it just happened.Copy !req
511. Interesting.Copy !req
512. I'm sure you find
lots of things interesting,Copy !req
513. but our problem is with the sex,
not the relationship.Copy !req
514. So we're just gonna
figure this out on our own.Copy !req
515. Uh...Copy !req
516. Well, come back when you're ready
to talk about your relationship.Copy !req
517. Good session, team. Great progress.Copy !req
518. How's it going with Jackson?Copy !req
519. - What do you mean?
- I mean...Copy !req
520. You guys seem to be spending
a lot of time together.Copy !req
521. What do you care?Copy !req
522. I was just asking. Sorry.Copy !req
523. He does seem keen for us
to hang out more, but...Copy !req
524. I don't really get it.Copy !req
525. Like, we have loads of sex.Copy !req
526. So why'd he wanna complicate things?Copy !req
527. It's stupid.
Anyway, I don't do boyfriends.Copy !req
528. Why not?Copy !req
529. You know in rom-come,Copy !req
530. when the guy finally realizes
he's in love with the girl,Copy !req
531. and he turns up
with a boom box outside her house,Copy !req
532. blasting her favorite song,
and everyone in the audience swoons?Copy !req
533. Yeah, that makes me sick.Copy !req
534. Okay, but seriously,Copy !req
535. what's wrong with boyfriends?Copy !req
536. It's just someone else
to let you down, isn't it?Copy !req
537. You really think so?Copy !req
538. What the hell?Copy !req
539. What?Copy !req
540. Ah!Copy !req
541. Like that, do you?Copy !req
542. Don't fucking...Copy !req
543. So... why don't you wanna
go out with Jackson?Copy !req
544. - I mean, really.
- No.Copy !req
545. We don't do that therapy thing.Copy !req
546. Save that for the clientele.Copy !req
547. Fine.Copy !req
548. I'm me and he's him.Copy !req
549. Meaning?Copy !req
550. Come on, Otis, he's Jackson and I'm...
You know.Copy !req
551. Maeve.Copy !req
552. No, I'm a grotty, stinky cock-biter
who lives in a caravan.Copy !req
553. Come on! You're not. Look...Copy !req
554. You're not that stinky.Copy !req
555. Plus, I thought it was a scrote you bit?Copy !req
556. Dickhead!Copy !req
557. Oh!Copy !req
558. You look like the Cookie Monster.Copy !req
559. Wait...Copy !req
560. Ooh! Okay.Copy !req
561. Ow! Yeah, let's go.Copy !req
562. - Okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
563. You coming?Copy !req
564. No.Copy !req
565. - What? You just said we better go.
- I'm staying here.Copy !req
566. Why?Copy !req
567. Um...Copy !req
568. Exercise.Copy !req
569. Yeah, but school is closing.Copy !req
570. Yeah, but...Copy !req
571. exercise.Copy !req
572. Okay.Copy !req
573. You're compellingly odd, Milburn.Copy !req
574. Fucking go away.Copy !req
575. Must have been
one hell of a blow job, Wiley.Copy !req
576. Otis.Copy !req
577. Uh...Copy !req
578. Promise not to laugh.Copy !req
579. I might have a mild to moderate crush
on Maeve.Copy !req
580. Yeah, no shit. What gave it away?Copy !req
581. She, uh...Copy !req
582. She touched my eyebrows
and now I have an erection.Copy !req
583. You said you wouldn't laugh.Copy !req
584. Ugh. It won't go away.Copy !req
585. It's been half an hour,Copy !req
586. and it's really cold.Copy !req
587. There's only one solution.Copy !req
588. Okay.Copy !req
589. It's just wanking.Copy !req
590. Oh, God.Copy !req
591. Ah, stop! Ah! No!Copy !req
592. AC/DC! AC/DC! Okay.Copy !req
593. Adam and the Ants,
Aerosmith, Alice in Chains.Copy !req
594. The Blues Brothers. Bowie, David.Copy !req
595. The Byrds. Okay.Copy !req
596. - Did you do it?
- No.Copy !req
597. I alphabetized my music collection
and it went away.Copy !req
598. It's okay, man.Copy !req
599. Next time.Copy !req
600. We won't speak of this ever again, okay?Copy !req
601. Otis!Copy !req
602. You got a minute?Copy !req
603. Yeah.Copy !req
604. I know the drill.Copy !req
605. Bye, Jackson.Copy !req
606. So I'm gonna ask Maeve out,
properly this time.Copy !req
607. - How do you think I should do it?
- Jackson...Copy !req
608. you're a smart guy.
I'm sure you can figure it out.Copy !req
609. But I need your help.
Everything you said worked.Copy !req
610. - I don't want to screw this up.
- I'm all out of advice, sorry.Copy !req
611. Come on, man. Look, we talk, we laugh.
We have crazy good sex.Copy !req
612. Now I just wanna seal the deal.Copy !req
613. Well...Copy !req
614. what do you usually do?Copy !req
615. Well, usually I say, "Do you wanna
go out?" And then they say yes.Copy !req
616. It's that easy?Copy !req
617. Well, it's just not usually this hard.Copy !req
618. Okay, do you even like Maeve?Copy !req
619. Or have you just never
not got your way before?Copy !req
620. No, I like her.Copy !req
621. I wake up and I'm thinkin' about her.Copy !req
622. I go to sleep and I'm thinkin' about her.Copy !req
623. It's driving me insane.Copy !req
624. I think she could be the...Copy !req
625. the one.Copy !req
626. Wait, sorry.Copy !req
627. Sorry. You're right.
I'll figure this out on my own.Copy !req
628. - You've helped out enough.
- Yeah.Copy !req
629. You know, it's weird.
You're my age, but wise.Copy !req
630. You're like my mum...Copy !req
631. in a little man's body.Copy !req
632. Like a little mum man.Copy !req
633. No offense.Copy !req
634. Make a grand gesture.Copy !req
635. What, like flowers?Copy !req
636. Grander.Copy !req
637. Like a giant teddy bear?Copy !req
638. Much grander.Copy !req
639. Think, like...
like rom-com grand, you know?Copy !req
640. Public, passionate.Copy !req
641. Heart on your sleeve,
running through the rain...Copy !req
642. If it seems too much, go bigger.Copy !req
643. - If you want her...
- Yeah.Copy !req
644. show her how much.Copy !req
645. Trust me.Copy !req
646. All right. Thanks, man.Copy !req
647. You really are a good guy.Copy !req
648. You are stone cold evil.Copy !req
649. Look, you told me to screw over Jackson.Copy !req
650. All right? This was your idea.Copy !req
651. I say lots of stuff.
You're not supposed to listen to me.Copy !req
652. - This is bad. You're a bad person.
- Stop saying that.Copy !req
653. Why are you now suddenly bad?Copy !req
654. Because I'm in love
with Maeve, all right?Copy !req
655. There, I admit it. Are you happy?Copy !req
656. Well, not really.
I think I prefer Cupcake Otis.Copy !req
657. I need to stop Jackson.Copy !req
658. Uh, then he'll know
that you're in love with Maeve.Copy !req
659. Then I need to warn Maeve
about what he's gonna do.Copy !req
660. Then she'll know that you
took money from JacksonCopy !req
661. and gave him bad adviceCopy !req
662. - because you're in love with her.
- All my options are dog shit.Copy !req
663. Yep.Copy !req
664. I'm going home.Copy !req
665. Okay.Copy !req
666. Well, have a nice night, bad man.Copy !req
667. Thank you for all your work.Copy !req
668. And for the soup.Copy !req
669. It was very good.Copy !req
670. I, uh... washed it.Copy !req
671. I told you, it's the best soup.Copy !req
672. - Oh. It's okay.
- Clumsy man.Copy !req
673. I...Copy !req
674. Thank you.Copy !req
675. You are a strange woman.Copy !req
676. Goodbye, then.Copy !req
677. Just put those in there.Copy !req
678. Thank you. Goodbye, Jean.Copy !req
679. Bye, Mr. Builder.Copy !req
680. - Hello.
- Uh...Copy !req
681. Finish your research?Copy !req
682. My... Yes.Copy !req
683. Oh, my God. Yes, I did.Copy !req
684. It was actual research, by the way.Copy !req
685. It's... It's hard to explain.Copy !req
686. But, um, I needed
to know about scissoring.Copy !req
687. Okay. I'm Ola.Copy !req
688. I'm Otis.Copy !req
689. I got something for you.
To help with your research.Copy !req
690. My dad installed it.Copy !req
691. You know we're already recording it.Copy !req
692. Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
693. - Hey.
- See ya.Copy !req
694. See ya.Copy !req
695. Eric!Copy !req
696. Eric!Copy !req
697. Dad, I think I know who...Copy !req
698. Go get hot water and bleach.
I don't want your mother seeing this.Copy !req
699. - Who are you pervin' on?
- Aah!Copy !req
700. No one.Copy !req
701. Well, um...Copy !req
702. Ruthie, but I'm not perving,
I'm just watching.Copy !req
703. Never mind.Copy !req
704. Shame the scissoring thing didn't work.Copy !req
705. I'm so skint right now.Copy !req
706. Uh...Copy !req
707. - What's that?
- It's your cut. I treated someone.Copy !req
708. You're a fucking gem, Otis.Copy !req
709. Tromboner.Copy !req
710. Hey, Adam.Copy !req
711. Did you find Madam?Copy !req
712. Can you smell...Copy !req
713. dog shit?Copy !req
714. Wiley, can I speak to you for a second?Copy !req
715. No chemically induced hard-on today?Copy !req
716. You're so funny,
you make my dick hurt. Listen...Copy !req
717. Uh, that essay thing Sands
was banging on about. Write it for me.Copy !req
718. - I can pay.
- The hand-in's tomorrow. Sorry.Copy !req
719. Shit, I really need this.Copy !req
720. Come on, I can pay double.Copy !req
721. Triple.Copy !req
722. Okay.Copy !req
723. Great.Copy !req
724. What did you buy
from the supermarket today?Copy !req
725. Only you could make French unsexy.Copy !req
726. You do not want to kiss
your girlfriend anymore.Copy !req
727. Hm?Copy !req
728. You like someone else.Copy !req
729. Look, Tanya is my best friend.Copy !req
730. She was really supportive of me
when I came out and everything.Copy !req
731. So when she came out too, I thought...Copy !req
732. You might as well be in a relationship.Copy !req
733. We're so close, I thought it would be
the perfect relationship,Copy !req
734. but when we have sex...Copy !req
735. it just feels wrong.Copy !req
736. And when I'm doing it with Jessa...Copy !req
737. everything just works.Copy !req
738. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
739. You have to tell Tanya the truth.Copy !req
740. It would kill her.Copy !req
741. You can't choose who you're attracted to.Copy !req
742. You can't...Copy !req
743. You can't engineer a relationship.Copy !req
744. You have to do what's right.Copy !req
745. I still think it's weird
a teenage boy is a sex therapist.Copy !req
746. C'est la vie.Copy !req
747. This is an urgent announcement
from your Head Boy.Copy !req
748. Will all sixth formers please head
to the canteen now?Copy !req
749. Has anyone seen Jackson?Copy !req
750. Uh... Maybe it's a fire drill?Copy !req
751. Come on, come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
752. - Maeve!
- Look. He's gonna make a speech.Copy !req
753. Yes, Moordale!
Sorry for the interruption,Copy !req
754. but, hey, it's just
your education, right?Copy !req
755. There's somebody in this crowd
who is very special to me.Copy !req
756. And no, it's not you, Mr. Groff.Copy !req
757. This person is pretty damn incredible.Copy !req
758. She's one of a kind.Copy !req
759. But I was an idiot
because I wanted to hide how I felt.Copy !req
760. Well, I'm not gonna
keep it secret anymore.Copy !req
761. Maeve Wiley...Copy !req
762. this is for you.Copy !req
763. I think he's gonna...Copy !req
764. sing.Copy !req
765. No. No! No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
766. I'm in Swing Band.
Why didn't they ask me to play?Copy !req
767. Will you please be my girlfriend?Copy !req
768. You dickhead.Copy !req
769. Well, that was unexpected.Copy !req