1. Fallen in love with somebody
who's got the vote this time.Copy !req
2. - How old is she? 20?Copy !req
3. Do you like my tits?Copy !req
4. Hello? Tits!Copy !req
5. Yeah. I love your tits.Copy !req
6. Do you wanna come on them?Copy !req
7. Sure. Let me just get this off.Copy !req
8. Actually, don't. I got a rash last time.
Let's do it from behind.Copy !req
9. Okay.Copy !req
10. Mm!Copy !req
11. I'm gonna come. Are you gonna come?Copy !req
12. Mm!Copy !req
13. - Did you just fake it?Copy !req
14. Don't be stupid.Copy !req
15. - Why are you staring?
- Show me the condom.Copy !req
16. No way.Copy !req
17. Where's the spunk, Adam?Copy !req
18. Whoa, there.Copy !req
19. This is not the bathroom.Copy !req
20. Sorry, man. I'm very sorry. I'm, uh—Copy !req
21. - Uh—
- Sleeping with my mother?Copy !req
22. Correct.Copy !req
23. Awkward. I'm Dan.Copy !req
24. - And you are...
- Otis.Copy !req
25. Ah...Copy !req
26. Don't worry. Left-handed.Copy !req
27. - First door on your left.
Cheers, dude.Copy !req
28. - Morning, darling.
- Morning.Copy !req
29. - Coffee?
- I've got some.Copy !req
30. Toast?Copy !req
31. Um... Maybe...Copy !req
32. Uh, I've got clients in a few minutes.Copy !req
33. Oh, Otis, this is, um—Copy !req
34. We've met.Copy !req
35. - Coffee?
Oh, yes, please.Copy !req
36. How old are you, Dan?Copy !req
37. How old am I— Uh, I'm 32.Copy !req
38. You having some kind
of preemptive midlife crisis?Copy !req
39. - Otis...
- Mum, he rides a motorbike.Copy !req
40. I'll take you for a ride in it,
if you like?Copy !req
41. No, thanks.Copy !req
42. Do you have an Oedipal complex?Copy !req
43. As in, you mean
do I wanna have sex with my mum?Copy !req
44. - Mm.
- Uh, not really.Copy !req
45. - It's not really my thing, that.
- Just ignore him. He's teasing you.Copy !req
46. Otis, it's perfectly normal
for a younger manCopy !req
47. to be sexually attracted
to a mature woman.Copy !req
48. In fact, when you stigmatize his choice,Copy !req
49. then you feed into an unhealthy narrativeCopy !req
50. on masculinity in middle age.Copy !req
51. That's why I say you should
never date a shrink, huh?Copy !req
52. Sex and relationship therapist,
thank you very much.Copy !req
53. That's me.Copy !req
54. Yeah, I should probably, uh,
shoot off as well.Copy !req
55. - Thanks.
- Okay.Copy !req
56. - Mm-hm.
Um...Copy !req
57. Thanks for everything, Mum.
Uh, Jean. Jean. Definitely Jean.Copy !req
58. Okay.Copy !req
59. - Hopefully see you again, then, dude.
- Yeah.Copy !req
60. Unlikely.Copy !req
61. Your mum's new boyfriend
is a big hot sticky wet dream.Copy !req
62. Yeah.Copy !req
63. Mum doesn't do boyfriends.Copy !req
64. Ah-ah! Are those the ones
that like to do it in animal costumes?Copy !req
65. No, he wants her to wear
a strap-on. She's not really into it.Copy !req
66. It's a classic power dynamic issue.Copy !req
67. Aww! I wish my mum was a sex guru.Copy !req
68. Trust me, you don't.Copy !req
69. Marjorie...Copy !req
70. how are you getting on with your penis?Copy !req
71. - I'm not hating it.
Fantastic.Copy !req
72. Okay, let's proceed.Copy !req
73. So, did you do it?Copy !req
74. Don't tell me you choked again.Copy !req
75. Ha-ha!Copy !req
76. - You didn't even try.
- I've given up.Copy !req
77. It's too much. I don't...
I don't wanna talk about it.Copy !req
78. I mean, what exactly is the problem here?
I mean, can you even get a hard-on?Copy !req
79. Of course I can.
I'm not a fucking eunuch, all right?Copy !req
80. I just— I wait for them to go away.Copy !req
81. I don't like how it feels.
Can we drop it now, please?Copy !req
82. No offense, but that is super weird.Copy !req
83. Super weird.Copy !req
84. Oh, my God, the Untouchables have a car.Copy !req
85. Just when you thought they couldn't get
any more elusive, now they have wheels!Copy !req
86. You reckon Anwar's been workin' out?
He's lookin' extra tight.Copy !req
87. Just because he's
the only other gay in our year,Copy !req
88. - it doesn't mean you have to fancy him.
- Yeah, correction.Copy !req
89. Only other gay we know of.Copy !req
90. Could be anywhere.Copy !req
91. What are you lookin' at, El Pervo?Copy !req
92. Did you hear that?Copy !req
93. He spoke to me! With actual words!Copy !req
94. - He called you a Spanish pervert.
- Oh, this is gonna be such a good year!Copy !req
95. I can feel it!Copy !req
96. - Is that Tom Baker?
- Yup.Copy !req
97. Captain of the Warhammer Society.
His balls finally dropped.Copy !req
98. Yeah, I keep telling you, man,
everyone has had sex over the summer.Copy !req
99. - Everyone except you.
- And you.Copy !req
100. Excuse me, I gave two and a half hand jobs
to that guy I met in Butlin's.Copy !req
101. - Why the half?
- We got interrupted.Copy !req
102. Stupid surprise karaoke.Copy !req
103. Still, not exactly a player.Copy !req
104. Yeah, at least I can touch my own penis.Copy !req
105. I'm worried about you, man.Copy !req
106. Like, look around.Copy !req
107. Everybody's either thinking
about shagging,Copy !req
108. about to shag,Copy !req
109. or actually shagging,Copy !req
110. and you can't even jack your beanstalk.Copy !req
111. - I've got plenty of time.
- Mm, I don't know, man.Copy !req
112. Everything's changing round here,
and it's changing fast.Copy !req
113. Case in point, even Maeve Wiley's boobs
have gotten bigger,Copy !req
114. which I thought
was technically impossible.Copy !req
115. They look the same to me.Copy !req
116. I heard she bit Simon Furthassle
on the scrote,Copy !req
117. and now, it's all wonky.Copy !req
118. - Like a discount avocado.
- I don't think that's true.Copy !req
119. I heard she sucked off
12 guys in ten minutes for a dare.Copy !req
120. That's definitely not true.
- What a slag.Copy !req
121. Look at that greasy hair.
Maybe she can't afford shampoo.Copy !req
122. - Or deodorant.
Told you.Copy !req
123. She's basically a nympho.Copy !req
124. This is a new frontier,
my sexually repressed friend.Copy !req
125. Our chance to finally move up
the social food chain.Copy !req
126. We shall transformCopy !req
127. from lowly caterpillars into...
awesome killer whales.Copy !req
128. Do we have to?Copy !req
129. Prepare for the best two years
of our lives.Copy !req
130. I'm sorry.Copy !req
131. Thank you, Eric,
for that rendition of the school anthem.Copy !req
132. It was...Copy !req
133. adequate.Copy !req
134. So, just a few things to get us started.Copy !req
135. The toilet block behind the gymnasium
is full of asbestos, so, please, keep out.Copy !req
136. Running in the corridors is the scourge...Copy !req
137. - Told you not to do it.
- I wanted to impress Swing Band.Copy !req
138. the story of
James Cairney and the pencil.Copy !req
139. I have spoken to his mother.
He, uh, has recovered.Copy !req
140. However, the mental scars still remain.Copy !req
141. A lesson for us all.Copy !req
142. Calmly moving on.Copy !req
143. It is my great pleasure
to introduce to youCopy !req
144. our brand-new head boy...Copy !req
145. Jackson Marchetti.Copy !req
146. Whoo!Copy !req
147. We are taking over.Copy !req
148. Hi, Adam.Copy !req
149. - Good summer?
- Shut the fuck up, Tromboner.Copy !req
150. Give me what you've got.Copy !req
151. - What's in the bag?
- My lunch.Copy !req
152. You know that, because you always eat it.Copy !req
153. - I think you forgot something.
- It's just a pencil case.Copy !req
154. Don't give a fuck about your pencil case.
Curly Wurly.Copy !req
155. Come on, man. Not my Curly Wurly.Copy !req
156. Give me that Curly Wurly...Copy !req
157. or I will break your face.Copy !req
158. Okay.Copy !req
159. Aah!Copy !req
160. Yeah, see you tomorrow.Copy !req
161. Shit biscuit.Copy !req
162. - Are you a complete moron?
No, I'm not.Copy !req
163. That was a rhetorical question.Copy !req
164. - Here.
- Don't touch my shit.Copy !req
165. - Just trying to help.
- Don't.Copy !req
166. Guys! You're not supposed to run
in the hallway.Copy !req
167. It was my fault. Fuck off, snowflake.Copy !req
168. Nice rack, Wiley.Copy !req
169. Are you going to write me up?Copy !req
170. I'll let you off. This time.Copy !req
171. I'm eternally grateful for your kindness.Copy !req
172. Actually, on second thought...Copy !req
173. Head Boys notoriously peak too early.
I'd watch out, if I were you.Copy !req
174. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
175. I said, nice rack, Wiley.Copy !req
176. - Say that again.
- Nice... ra—Copy !req
177. You did kind of deserve that, man.Copy !req
178. Settle down, class.Copy !req
179. Settle down. Thank you.Copy !req
180. Ahh!Copy !req
181. We're jumping straight in to
the romantic world of the immortal Bard.Copy !req
182. Shakespeare, obviously.Copy !req
183. This year's first assignment
will be on As You Like It.Copy !req
184. Set in the fictional forest of Arden.Copy !req
185. Uh, nice of you to join us, Adam.Copy !req
186. Uh, you'll be doing presentationsCopy !req
187. on Shakespeare's relationship
with love and disguise.Copy !req
188. The person you are sat next to now
will be your partner for the project.Copy !req
189. So if you just look at your sheets,Copy !req
190. you're gonna go through
all the five points.Copy !req
191. I want you to talk in pairs.Copy !req
192. Please listen, right? Listening is key.Copy !req
193. So, um, the assignment brief, um...Copy !req
194. Examine the ways that Rosalind,
uh, tests Orlando's love for herCopy !req
195. - in act four...
- And who are you?Copy !req
196. - Um... I'm Otis. Yeah.
- Act four, scene one. The impression...Copy !req
197. - I guess we're partners for the project.
- Are you new?Copy !req
198. No. No, no, no.
I've been here since first year.Copy !req
199. - We had chemistry together...
- Explore the waysCopy !req
200. - Shakespeare uses witty wordplay...
- ... last term.Copy !req
201. - You set my desk on fire.
- ... sport and wrestling analogies...Copy !req
202. - Anyway.
- ... to reveal his characters' viewsCopy !req
203. - on the subject of love.
- Maybe later on we can get together.Copy !req
204. - I know the library's open...Copy !req
205. I don't do after hours, new kid.Copy !req
206. - Uh, discuss the concepts of fortune...
- Where do you live?Copy !req
207. and nature as they apply to Orlando
and, um, and Oliver.Copy !req
208. - 43 Ashford Street.
- Compare and contrast the relationship...Copy !req
209. I'll be there at 6:00.Copy !req
210. Orlando with Rosalind and Celia.Copy !req
211. Um... If you have any questions,
please, uh, do ask.Copy !req
212. But what I'd like you to do is,
really, first, just mind map.Copy !req
213. Mind map together...Copy !req
214. - Um—
- Boring.Copy !req
215. What? Excuse me, this is boring?Copy !req
216. - Okay, um...Copy !req
217. You told Adam where you live?Copy !req
218. - He asked me.Copy !req
219. Dude, your mum has a lot
of weird sex shit in the house.Copy !req
220. I'm cool with it, obviously,Copy !req
221. but if that guy even sees a Kama Sutra,
he will destroy your life.Copy !req
222. - She won't be home.
- Oh. She better not be.Copy !req
223. He still calls me Tromboner.
It's been four years.Copy !req
224. Four years.Copy !req
225. You did get an erection on the stage,
in front of the entire school.Copy !req
226. It was a semi!Copy !req
227. The nickname doesn't even make sense.Copy !req
228. I play the French horn.Copy !req
229. Such a philistine.Copy !req
230. Look, he'll be in my house
for an hour, tops. It will be fine.Copy !req
231. Do you reckon his brain is so small
'cause his dick is so big?Copy !req
232. - That's a myth.
- Well, it's not.Copy !req
233. A friend of a friend saw it once.Copy !req
234. She said it was the size of two Coke cans.
One on top of the other.Copy !req
235. Length and width.Copy !req
236. - You don't have any friends. Except me.
- Not for long.Copy !req
237. Because Adam is going to kill you
in your own home.Copy !req
238. Do you really think this place
has asbestos in it?Copy !req
239. I don't know.
There's worse ways to go, I suppose.Copy !req
240. God, yeah. My auntie got eaten by wasps.Copy !req
241. What? Was she stung to death?Copy !req
242. No.Copy !req
243. She was eaten.Copy !req
244. Scabby Queen. I win! I win!Copy !req
245. No, you don't.
You have to get rid of the queen.Copy !req
246. - You lost, sorry.
- I still don't get this game.Copy !req
247. Hand them over.Copy !req
248. Thank you.Copy !req
249. How's it going with Knobzilla?
- He can't come.Copy !req
250. So, the other night,
we're, like, goin' and goin'.Copy !req
251. And I'm losin' my shit.
And I, you know...Copy !req
252. - Reached the summit.
- Yeah.Copy !req
253. But he, like...Copy !req
254. - Slipped and dropped the yogurt?
- No, I wish.Copy !req
255. He faked it.Copy !req
256. You sure?Copy !req
257. I don't know what I'm doin' wrong.Copy !req
258. Maybe he was nervous
or something.Copy !req
259. Ruby and Olivia think I should dump him.Copy !req
260. They say he's bringin' down
my social status, but...Copy !req
261. The thing is, he can be really sweet
when nobody's watchin'.Copy !req
262. Don't know why you listen
to those dickheads.Copy !req
263. If you like him, do what you want.Copy !req
264. Tits.Copy !req
265. They're looking for me.Copy !req
266. - Thanks for the game.
- No worries.Copy !req
267. And the chat.Copy !req
268. - Oh, and—
- Don't worry, you were never here.Copy !req
269. - Ta-ra, lad.
- See you later, pet.Copy !req
270. Hiya!Copy !req
271. - Where have you been?
- Nowhere.Copy !req
272. Biology went over.Copy !req
273. We thought you were doin' it
with your whale dick boyfriend.Copy !req
274. You know he's a delinquent, right?Copy !req
275. Yuck. Is that ham?
We're vegan now, remember?Copy !req
276. - Oh, right, yeah, I forgot.Copy !req
277. Have you been smokin' again?Copy !req
278. - No, I haven't.
- Good.Copy !req
279. Because smoking is definitely not vegan.Copy !req
280. My ham.Copy !req
281. Have you got the money?Copy !req
282. You taking the piss?Copy !req
283. Take it or leave it.Copy !req
284. - Tell anyone and I'll maim you.
- This better be an A.Copy !req
285. - You're on time.
- How long is this gonna take, new kid?Copy !req
286. Well, um—Copy !req
287. I'm already bored.Copy !req
288. Have you got any Nesquik?Copy !req
289. On— Only Mana.Copy !req
290. Do you wanna get monged?Copy !req
291. Um...Copy !req
292. No, thank you.Copy !req
293. - Why is there a minge on your wall?
- What? Where? That's...Copy !req
294. Uh...Copy !req
295. That's just an orchid.Copy !req
296. It's... My mum's super into...Copy !req
297. flora and fauna.Copy !req
298. Ooh, uh...Copy !req
299. Maybe not inside, sorry.Copy !req
300. I mean, Adam, we've only been working
for half an hour, so...Copy !req
301. Yeah.Copy !req
302. You should keep goin'.Copy !req
303. That's it,
just rolling the testicle...Copy !req
304. - There's a ball bag on the TV.
- Good.Copy !req
305. Sorry. Sorry, I, uh...Copy !req
306. I forgot to take my... my DVD out.
It's my...Copy !req
307. - It's my porn.
- A bit old school.Copy !req
308. You should get on Pornhub.
There's loads of stuff on there.Copy !req
309. You could watch a CGI demon fuck a horse.Copy !req
310. - Hm.
- I need to piss.Copy !req
311. Upstairs, on your right.Copy !req
312. New kid!Copy !req
313. Adam?Copy !req
314. Get in here!Copy !req
315. Oh!Copy !req
316. Adam!Copy !req
317. Oh...Copy !req
318. - You've got a sex dungeon.
- No.Copy !req
319. No, this is not. I...Copy !req
320. I can explain. This is my mum's office
and she's a therapist.Copy !req
321. - Sex therapist.
- I don't know what that is.Copy !req
322. She helps people with sex problems.Copy !req
323. - She's a prostitute.
- No.Copy !req
324. - Like a pimp.
- No, no, she's like a... a shrink.Copy !req
325. But instead of talking about mental health
stuff, she talks about sex.Copy !req
326. People's sex lives.Copy !req
327. She— She helps people bone better.Copy !req
328. Yes, in essence.Copy !req
329. Look, um...Copy !req
330. Could you not tell anyone
about this, please?Copy !req
331. Otis, darling?Copy !req
332. - I'm home!Copy !req
333. Mm! Mmm...Copy !req
334. God, that's strong stuff.Copy !req
335. It is chronic shit.Copy !req
336. It's snack time.Copy !req
337. Your mum's cool.Copy !req
338. Why aren't you cool?Copy !req
339. And she's hot.
Why didn't you say she was hot?Copy !req
340. Because she's my mum.Copy !req
341. - I mean, seriously, are you adopted?
- No.Copy !req
342. - Then why are you so shit?
Adam.Copy !req
343. Yeah?Copy !req
344. Do you smoke every day?Copy !req
345. Yeah. Yeah, most days, Mrs., um...Copy !req
346. Oh, just call me Jean.Copy !req
347. You know, they've been doing
some interesting studies with cannabis.Copy !req
348. They're just starting to wake up
to its health benefits.Copy !req
349. Yeah? Like, um...Copy !req
350. How it makes everything funny?Copy !req
351. - You know, like your face.
- Hm?Copy !req
352. Ever so serious,Copy !req
353. like a... atlas.Copy !req
354. However, it has been linked
to early onset impotence.Copy !req
355. Nothing conclusive yet.Copy !req
356. But be careful
with how much you smoke.Copy !req
357. Mum...Copy !req
358. I only bring it up
because I have a number of clientsCopy !req
359. who were heavy drug users at your age,Copy !req
360. and now they have trouble
with sexual performance.Copy !req
361. - Sexual performance?
- They have trouble finishing.Copy !req
362. - Ejaculation.
- Hm.Copy !req
363. Jizz, spunk.Copy !req
364. Man milk!Copy !req
365. - Mum, Jesus Christ!
- Don't have a problem with that.Copy !req
366. What makes you think
I've got a problem with that?Copy !req
367. I didn't say you had a problem with that.Copy !req
368. - But if you want to talk about it—
- I... Uh, okay, I'm gonna go.Copy !req
369. I'm gonna go.Copy !req
370. Okay, Adam!Copy !req
371. - Nice to meet you!
- Mum!Copy !req
372. Come and hang out again.Copy !req
373. Adam! Adam, wait. Wait.Copy !req
374. You and your mum are freaks.Copy !req
375. I hope I didn't touch a nerve.Copy !req
376. Your friend is very sensitive.Copy !req
377. Ooh, my mouth is immensely dry.Copy !req
378. Mum, how many times have I saidCopy !req
379. you can't go around
therapizing people you don't know?Copy !req
380. Your generation is so touchy.Copy !req
381. - Information is empowering.
- No, it's fucked up!Copy !req
382. Okay, calm down, take a breath.Copy !req
383. Let's...Copy !req
384. Let the negative energy dissipate.Copy !req
385. Okay.Copy !req
386. - Two...Copy !req
387. Sorry I yelled.Copy !req
388. And I'm sorry... if I upset your friend.Copy !req
389. Come on.Copy !req
390. Sweetheart...Copy !req
391. I've noticed
you're pretending to masturbateCopy !req
392. and I was wondering
if you wanted to talk about it.Copy !req
393. It was the hand cream that gave it away.Copy !req
394. And, well,
the magazine was a bit overkill.Copy !req
395. Anyway, I want you to know that
you can talk to me about anything.Copy !req
396. No judgment.Copy !req
397. This is a safe place.Copy !req
398. This is not a safe place, Mum.Copy !req
399. You... need to stop analyzing
everything I do.Copy !req
400. I will when you stop creating
performative situationsCopy !req
401. that you clearly want me to observe.Copy !req
402. Okay.Copy !req
403. I'm going to my room, because I'm angry
and I need some space.Copy !req
404. - Okay.Copy !req
405. We'll talk about it when you're ready.Copy !req
406. Darling! It's too loud!Copy !req
407. Otis!Copy !req
408. Turn it down!Copy !req
409. Down in a minute!Copy !req
410. Did you... you know?Copy !req
411. Yeah. I'd tell you if I didn't.Copy !req
412. - Do you want me to drive you home?
- Nope.Copy !req
413. Where do you live?Copy !req
414. - Honestly, I'm fine.
- Come on, let me drive you home.Copy !req
415. We're just fucking, Jackson.Copy !req
416. We don't need to know
each other's postcodes.Copy !req
417. See you at school.Copy !req
418. Shh!Copy !req
419. Adam?Copy !req
420. You're five minutes past curfew.Copy !req
421. Sorry, Dad.Copy !req
422. - Lost track of time.
- Don't let it happen again.Copy !req
423. You know the rules.Copy !req
424. You can have it back in the morning.Copy !req
425. Hello, lover.
- Ooh! Fuck.Copy !req
426. How did you get in? You've gotta go.Copy !req
427. Your hand's a bit dry.Copy !req
428. Can you not even get hard now?Copy !req
429. - Am I that bad?
- Yes.Copy !req
430. No! No, I meant no. I got confused.Copy !req
431. I don't know why I bother.Copy !req
432. Well— Leave out the window.Copy !req
433. Good night, Mrs. Groff.Copy !req
434. Good night, Headmaster Groff.Copy !req
435. - What is wrong with you?Copy !req
436. Adam, get down here now!Copy !req
437. Your mum talked to Adam
about ejaculation?Copy !req
438. - She used the words "man milk."
- Oh, my—Copy !req
439. - It's worse than I thought.Copy !req
440. No, I mean— I mean... It's fine.Copy !req
441. He was baked,
he's probably forgotten all about it.Copy !req
442. Shit.Copy !req
443. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...Copy !req
444. Don't look.Copy !req
445. Watch where you're going, fag.Copy !req
446. Hey, Adam, you know homophobia
is so 2008, right?Copy !req
447. Totes passé.Copy !req
448. Thanks, Anwar.Copy !req
449. - Not your friends.
- Okay.Copy !req
450. See? I told you he'd forget.Copy !req
451. Yeah...Copy !req
452. - Yeah!Copy !req
453. I'm only saying.Copy !req
454. Great, it's you.Copy !req
455. I get it. You're mean.Copy !req
456. Okay, so...Copy !req
457. what was gonna be biologyCopy !req
458. is now an emergency SRE class.Copy !req
459. Apparently, there's been an outbreak
of pubic lice.Copy !req
460. Mr. Groff felt you needed a refresher.Copy !req
461. Lucky me, huh?Copy !req
462. I'm joking. This is actually gonna be
incredibly awkward.Copy !req
463. You'll be working in pairs.Copy !req
464. You'll need worksheets,Copy !req
465. two prophylactics,Copy !req
466. and a plastic cock and balls.Copy !req
467. Um...Copy !req
468. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
469. What's next?Copy !req
470. Uh... That's not the hymen.Copy !req
471. I think I know where the hymen is,
but thanks.Copy !req
472. Okay, well, I mean, you're... quite wrong.Copy !req
473. What is it, then?Copy !req
474. They are the paraurethral glands.Copy !req
475. The female prostate.Copy !req
476. Where's the hymen, then?Copy !req
477. Hymen.Copy !req
478. - Hm.Copy !req
479. - See me after.Copy !req
480. - Okay, yeah— Phones away, please!Copy !req
481. Phones away!Copy !req
482. People!Copy !req
483. What is it?Copy !req
484. Nothing.Copy !req
485. The head of the penis
is incredibly sensitive.Copy !req
486. Feel free to stimulate it
with your fingers in a circular motion.Copy !req
487. As he gets closer to orgasm,
you can speed up.Copy !req
488. You'll feel him throbbing in your hand
like a volcano about to erupt.Copy !req
489. Look at that!Copy !req
490. Huh. Here we go.Copy !req
491. - I can feel it. Look, it's throbbing.
- Can we turn this off, please?Copy !req
492. Throbbing...Copy !req
493. Look...Copy !req
494. - Oh, fantastic!Copy !req
495. And then he comes.Copy !req
496. Can you go and see if he's all right?Copy !req
497. Oh, fuck it.Copy !req
498. Okay, thank you everyone.
That's enough drama for today.Copy !req
499. Oh, my God.Copy !req
500. Do you want one?Copy !req
501. Was that really your mum?Copy !req
502. Mm. Could have been a lot worse.Copy !req
503. She could have been stroking
an actual penis.Copy !req
504. Oh, God. Yeah, I just think
I'm gonna die now.Copy !req
505. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
506. Speaking as a long-term member
of the Moordale Social Pariah Club,Copy !req
507. you'll survive.Copy !req
508. Oh, ow!Copy !req
509. Shit!Copy !req
510. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
511. - Get out!
- Okay.Copy !req
512. - Fine.
- No, wait!Copy !req
513. Don't go.Copy !req
514. Help me.Copy !req
515. I know it was you
who sent that video around.Copy !req
516. - So?
- So I'm not gonna help you.Copy !req
517. Please, new kid.
It feels... like it's gonna explode.Copy !req
518. - And not in a good way.
- Well, that's not my problem.Copy !req
519. No, wait!Copy !req
520. Please, don't go.Copy !req
521. - Should we get the nurse?
- No! No, you can't tell anyone.Copy !req
522. - What if he dies or something?
- Dies?Copy !req
523. Adam...Copy !req
524. what did you take?Copy !req
525. Viagra.Copy !req
526. How much Viagra?Copy !req
527. Hey, look, um...Copy !req
528. Think of this room
as being four walls of trust.Copy !req
529. Anything you say is fine.
There's no judgment.Copy !req
530. - Three Viagras.
- Jesus Christ.Copy !req
531. - You said there'd be no judgment.
- Sorry.Copy !req
532. Is three Viagras bad?
Her reaction made it seem like it was bad.Copy !req
533. I feel lightheaded and I can taste scampi.Copy !req
534. - No wonder. You could besiege a castle.
- I said stop staring at it!Copy !req
535. Sorry! It's like a third leg.Copy !req
536. What now?Copy !req
537. We wait.Copy !req
538. - How is it looking?
Still large, still...Copy !req
539. angry.Copy !req
540. - Where did you even get the Viagra from?
- None of your business.Copy !req
541. Please don't tell me you got it
from your dad.Copy !req
542. I didn't.Copy !req
543. Why did you take it?Copy !req
544. I don't know.
Heard it gives you a good buzz.Copy !req
545. You should try it
instead of being such a joy fucker.Copy !req
546. He's having dick problems.Copy !req
547. - Yeah? What would you know, Wiley?
- Girls talk, clodpole.Copy !req
548. Aimee said you can't come.Copy !req
549. It's too much pressure.Copy !req
550. - What is?
- Everyone knows I've got a giant penis.Copy !req
551. - So you wanted to make it bigger?
- No.Copy !req
552. I just wanted it to get hard.Copy !req
553. - Well, why do you think it couldn't?
- I don't know.Copy !req
554. I can't stop thinkin' about stuff
when we shag.Copy !req
555. "What if I'm not good at this?
Maybe I'm doin' it wrong.Copy !req
556. Maybe she knows I'm doin' it wrong.
What if my dad walks in?Copy !req
557. What if my dad walks in and it's right
when I'm blowing my loadCopy !req
558. and I can't stop,
and he sees my jizz face?Copy !req
559. - What if..."
- Okay. Um... Yeah, no, we get it.Copy !req
560. Okay.Copy !req
561. Well...Copy !req
562. Sounds to me like you're experiencing
some performance anxiety.Copy !req
563. Perhaps the mythology surrounding the size
of your penis doesn't help things.Copy !req
564. It is interesting you mention
your father.Copy !req
565. How does being the headmaster's son
affect you?Copy !req
566. Well, it's shit, obviously.Copy !req
567. Go on.Copy !req
568. Everyone's watching me all the time.
Everyone's like,Copy !req
569. "There goes Adam Groff,
headmaster's son.Copy !req
570. He's got a big massive elephant's cock."
I've got feelings.Copy !req
571. I guess that...Copy !req
572. I wish I could be a normal kid.Copy !req
573. With a normal dick.Copy !req
574. And a normal dad.Copy !req
575. I think...Copy !req
576. that you need to own your narrative,Copy !req
577. not let it control you.Copy !req
578. Yes, you have a large appendage.Copy !req
579. Yes, you're very visible in the school
due to your father's position.Copy !req
580. But neither is likely to change.Copy !req
581. But your outlook can.Copy !req
582. Does that make sense?Copy !req
583. Not really.Copy !req
584. It shouldn't matter
what anyone in the school thinks.Copy !req
585. You are who you are.Copy !req
586. Don't let anyone take that away from you.Copy !req
587. So everyone's wrong, and I'm basically...Copy !req
588. awesome.Copy !req
589. Be proud of your penis and your heritage.Copy !req
590. 'Cause neither are going anywhere.Copy !req
591. You should work with what you've got.Copy !req
592. It's going down, new kid.Copy !req
593. Thank God.Copy !req
594. Uh, you won't tell anyone about this,
will you?Copy !req
595. You said that thing about
the four walls of trust.Copy !req
596. We won't tell anyone.Copy !req
597. If you leave my friend Eric alone.Copy !req
598. - For good.
- Tromboner?Copy !req
599. It's your choice.Copy !req
600. Fine.Copy !req
601. I think you owe Otis an apology.Copy !req
602. Sorry for sending the video around,
but your mum...Copy !req
603. really got in my head, new kid.Copy !req
604. She's like some kind of...Copy !req
605. sexy witch.Copy !req
606. Well, that was unusual.Copy !req
607. See you around, Otis.Copy !req
608. Yogurt's vegan, right?Copy !req
609. Can I have everyone's attention, please?Copy !req
610. I have something to say.Copy !req
611. My name is Adam Groff.
Headmaster Groff is my dad.Copy !req
612. Which is weird,
'cause I'm quite shit at school.Copy !req
613. - And this...Copy !req
614. This is my dick.Copy !req
615. No.Copy !req
616. Yes, it is large.Copy !req
617. Oh, my God.
- But I've done some googling.Copy !req
618. - Oh, my God.
- And it's actually just above averageCopy !req
619. in terms of worldwide adult statistics.Copy !req
620. So, yeah.Copy !req
621. - That's me.Copy !req
622. And that's my dick.Copy !req
623. You have to break up with him.Copy !req
624. Yeah, I do.Copy !req
625. I have to tell you something.Copy !req
626. I'm owning my narrative.Copy !req
627. I owned it!Copy !req
628. Welcome back, old friend.
How I've missed you.Copy !req
629. Uh, what did you wanna talk about?Copy !req
630. We have to break up.Copy !req
631. - We just had sex.
- Yeah.Copy !req
632. I wanted to do it one last time.Copy !req
633. For, like, memories.Copy !req
634. But I don't understand.Copy !req
635. I thought it was me.Copy !req
636. But it's definitely you.Copy !req
637. - What is?
- Everything.Copy !req
638. Just everything about us is wrong.Copy !req
639. Sorry.Copy !req
640. But it's over.Copy !req
641. Adam Groff
to the headmaster's office, please.Copy !req
642. Adam Groff
to the headmaster's office, please.Copy !req
643. And thank you for coming.Copy !req
644. Do you have any idea what you have done?Copy !req
645. I've had multiple parents threatening
to take their children out of school.Copy !req
646. They were going to charge you with
public indecency if I hadn't intervened.Copy !req
647. Detention for the rest of term.Copy !req
648. - What? Dad—
- You heard me.Copy !req
649. Now get out.Copy !req
650. I can't even bear to look at you.Copy !req
651. I broke up with Adam.Copy !req
652. - Still couldn't come?
- No, he did.Copy !req
653. We had goodbye sex.Copy !req
654. Thing is, school's hard enough
without having to date an actual flasher.Copy !req
655. I need to find someone
a bit more socially acceptable—Copy !req
656. - Rewind, he came?
- Yeah.Copy !req
657. It was like something clicked
in his brain. Boom!Copy !req
658. No!Copy !req
659. Faster! Faster!Copy !req
660. - Faster! Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
661. - Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop!Copy !req
662. Okay! Good! Keep going!
Yes! Yes!Copy !req
663. Don't... don't...Copy !req
664. Oh!Copy !req
665. Very sorry.Copy !req
666. This isn't the bathroom.Copy !req
667. No, this is not the bathroom.Copy !req
668. I'm Harry, by the way.Copy !req
669. - Mum.
- Yes, darling?Copy !req
670. I can't masturbate.Copy !req
671. Sweetheart, I'm glad you—Copy !req
672. I can't masturbate.
But I don't wanna talk about it.Copy !req
673. I'm dealing with it on my own.Copy !req
674. Thank you for telling me.Copy !req
675. Yeah, I think I'd better leave too.Copy !req
676. I think that's probably best.Copy !req
677. Well, only 376 days of sixth form left.Copy !req
678. Yeah!Copy !req
679. I thought this was supposed to be
the best two years of our lives.Copy !req
680. At least you got Adam
to leave me alone.Copy !req
681. Thank you very much for that, man.Copy !req
682. - We had a deal.
- Yeah, your advice was shit.Copy !req
683. My girlfriend's broken up with me.Copy !req
684. Everyone's got a picture
of my lovely big dick.Copy !req
685. Deal's off.Copy !req
686. See you later...Copy !req
687. Tromboner.Copy !req
688. See? That's why you always wear a helmet.Copy !req
689. Um, Maeve Wiley's
coming straight over here.Copy !req
690. She's literally walking
straight towards us with purpose.Copy !req
691. Uh, Otis. Otis! Otis.Copy !req
692. - Okay, she's here.
- Nice helmet.Copy !req
693. - It's just, safety first.Copy !req
694. Can I talk to you for a sec?Copy !req
695. Oh, do you want me...
Do you want me to go?Copy !req
696. - Yeah.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
697. I'll just, um...Copy !req
698. leave, then, shall I?Copy !req
699. What did you wanna talk about?Copy !req
700. See those two over there?Copy !req
701. The one on the right has never been
in a lesbian relationship before.Copy !req
702. She's terrified
of her new girlfriend's vagina.Copy !req
703. See her?Copy !req
704. She believes that flicking the bean
might make her clit drop off.Copy !req
705. She hates herself.
But she just can't stop wanking.Copy !req
706. Do you see them?Copy !req
707. Yeah, he's definitely giving everyone
pubic lice.Copy !req
708. What's your point?Copy !req
709. The students at this school
need your help, Otis.Copy !req
710. And we need their money.Copy !req
711. I haven't really worked out the details
yet, but I'm good with numbers, so,Copy !req
712. I'll deal with the business end of things
and you can do the therapy.Copy !req
713. We'll charge for every appointment
and split the cash.Copy !req
714. - Therapy?
- Yeah, sex therapy.Copy !req
715. You have a gift.
It would be irresponsible to waste it.Copy !req
716. - Look how you helped Adam.
- But I didn't. He hates me now.Copy !req
717. He came, Otis.Copy !req
718. Your words made him come.Copy !req
719. Sort of.Copy !req
720. Look, I haven't got all day.
Are you in or out?Copy !req
721. - Uh...
- Okay, fine. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
722. Uh... Okay. Maeve!Copy !req
723. Wait! Wait!Copy !req
724. I'm in!Copy !req