Sex and the City 1x2

Directed by Alison Maclean

Gabriel Macht as Barkley • Josh Pais as Nick Waxler • Andrea Boccaletti as Derek • Emily Cline as AshLeigh B. • Sandra Daley as Deanne

After Miranda and Skipper bump into each other at the convenience store, they sleep together for the first time. Carrie interviews Barkley, a modelizer who videotapes his conquests. Derek, a male model client of Stanford Blatch, spends the night with Carrie after a fashion show, although they don't sleep together. Samantha chases Barkley while at a fashion show, in order to be taped.

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1. Last night my friend Miranda got invited to a dinner party by a man she hardly knew.

2. Nick Waxler was a successful sports agent who'd said she had nice legs.

3. OK, old movie stars you'd have liked to fuck when they were young.

4. - Alive or dead? - It doesn't matter. I'll start.

5. Veronica Lake, the year she made Sullivan's Travels.

6. - Dave? - I'd have to say Sophia Loren.

7. - My dad had this thing for her. - We won't go there.

8. - Montgomery Clift. - He was gay.

9. Marilyn Monroe, before the Kennedy's got to her.

10. Bing Crosby.

11. I stand by my choice.

12. Sean Connery, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

13. For a first date, Miranda felt like she was hitting it out of the ballpark.

14. - Thanks. - So how long have you known Nick?

15. We've been riding the same elevator line for years.

16. We had lunch a few weeks ago, and then he invited me here to dinner.

17. - Well, we adore him. - He's very smart.

18. - I guess he took our ultimatum seriously. - Deanne.

19. What are you talking about?

20. They told Miranda that Nick had this thing for models.

21. OK, old movie stars you would have liked to fuck when they were young.

22. I'll start. Veronica Lake, the year she made Sullivan's Travels.

23. - Dave? - I'd have to go with Sophia Loren.

24. Probably, my dad had a thing for her.

25. - Montgomery Clift. - Marilyn Monroe.

26. Bing Crosby.

27. - Yvette? - I don't know, Charlie Sheen?

28. They'd come to dinner, push their food around, and pout.

29. - Veronica Lake. - Sophia Loren.

30. - Montgomery Clift. - Marilyn Monroe.

31. - Bing Crosby. - Marissa?

32. She... had to make a phone call.

33. It got to be a problem. They decided to take action.

34. Can't you find a woman who can carry on a decent conversation?

35. - Yeah, Nick, and eat without purging. - What are you saying?

36. You can't bring around any more models. It's too depressing.

37. OK, OK, I'll see what I can do.

38. - And then he brought you. - So obviously not a model.

39. - In a good way! - Nick dates models?

40. Miranda confronted him, and it didn't take him long to fold.

41. No, it's true, it's true, OK?

42. - I'm obsessed. - Obsessed with models.

43. - Correct. - So am I your intellectual beard?

44. Don't be pissed. You got to admit, you met some nice people.

45. You had a good time.

46. You were on a date with a modeliser and you didn't even know it?

47. If men like Nick are dating models, what chance do ordinary women have?

48. Do you have to be a supermodel to get a date in New York?

49. Modelisers are a particular breed.

50. They're a step beyond womanisers,

51. who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt.

52. Modelisers are obsessed, not with women, but with models,

53. who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines,

54. but in Manhattan run wild on the streets,

55. turning the city into a model safari,

56. where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.

57. As if we didn't have enough problems.

58. They're stupid and lazy and they should be shot on sight.

59. I've dated guys who say I am just as beautiful as a model, but I work for a living.

60. I'm like... a model who's taken the high road.

61. The advantages given to models and beautiful women

62. are so unfair, it makes me want to puke.

63. - But you are so cute. - Cute doesn't cut it in this town.

64. What's cute compared to supermodel?

65. There's nothing like raising the subject of models among four single women

66. to spice up an otherwise dull Tuesday night.

67. - They have this distant sexy look. - That's not sexy. It's starvation.

68. That's starvation in the best restaurants.

69. What I want to know is, when did men get together and decide

70. that they would only get it up for giraffes with big breasts?

71. In some cultures, heavy women with moustaches are considered beautiful.

72. And you're looking at me while you're saying that?

73. Our culture promotes impossible standards of beauty.

74. - Yeah, except men think they're possible! - Yeah.

75. No matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I want to give up.

76. I just want to force-feed her lard. That's the difference between you and me.

77. What are you talking about? Look at you two. You're beautiful.

78. - I hate my thighs. - Oh, come on!

79. I can't even open a magazine without thinking, "Thighs, thighs, thighs."

80. Well, I'll take your thighs and raise you a chin.

81. I'll take your chin and raise you a...

82. - What? - Oh, come on.

83. - I happen to love the way I look. - You should. You paid enough for it.

84. I resent that! I do not believe in plastic surgery.

85. Well, not yet.

86. I find it fascinating that four beautiful, flesh-and-blood women

87. could be intimidated by some unreal fantasy.

88. I mean, look at this. Is this really intimidating to any of you?

89. - I hate my thighs. - Pass the chicken.

90. I have that dress.

91. Suddenly I was interested.

92. If models could cause rational individuals to crumble in their presence,

93. exactly how powerful was beauty?

94. Two types of guys fall for beautiful women -

95. slimeballs that are out to get laid,

96. or ones who fall in love instantly. It's pathetic.

97. Why fuck the girl in the skirt, if you can fuck the girl in the ad for the skirt?

98. Being beautiful is such a power. You can get whatever you want.

99. You can get anything. I've been offered trips to Aspen,

100. weekends in Paris, Christmas in St Barts.

101. A motorcycle, a juicer...

102. It's not like models don't have brains, they have them.

103. They just don't need to use them.

104. Most guys just think you're dumb, but I'm really very literary. I read.

105. I'll sit down and read a whole magazine from cover to cover.

106. Some scuba gear.

107. A Herb Ritt's photo.

108. A Bulgari necklace, a breast job.

109. My friends think I'm shallow. Sometimes I think they're right.

110. Other times I think, "Hey, I'm fucking a model."

111. Models are a lot looser than you think.

112. It's easier to screw a model than a regular girl

113. 'cause that's what they do all the time.

114. It's how regular people are when they're on vacation.

115. Barkley, a notorious modeliser, was one of those SoHo wonders

116. who maintained a fabulous lifestyle, but had never sold a single painting.

117. - So, it's easy to meet them? - No, it's not so easy.

118. The trick is to treat them like regular girls.

119. You gotta arrive and walk up to the hottest thing there; otherwise, you're finished.

120. It's kind of like being around dogs - you gotta show no fear.

121. - Things? You call them things? - Yeah.

122. Well, they are things - they're beautiful things,

123. and that's what my life's about, you know?

124. Beauty.

125. Come here, I want to show you something.

126. This is my real art, only I can't really show it to the public.

127. Well, not yet, at least. Sit down.

128. That's Vanessa... That's Tanya,

129. Elana and Katrina.

130. I couldn't believe it.

131. The man had slept with half the perfume ads in September's Vogue.

132. Do they... do they know about this?

133. Maybe. Oh, look at that one.

134. She does runway now, but she's gonna be huge someday.

135. I didn't know what to say. There really wasn't anything to say except...

136. - Do you have a light? - Yeah, sure.

137. Later that day I was relieved to discover

138. that at least one eligible bachelor got his kicks off the runway.

139. - I totally dig your friend, Miranda. - You're kidding, that's great.

140. Yeah, she is so sexy and smart. Did she tell you that we made out?

141. - No. - Yeah, it was totally hot.

142. Why don't you call her? She would love that.

143. I did, like a hundred times. She won't return my phone calls.

144. I don't know. Did she say anything about me?

145. - No. - Maybe she's just busy.

146. - Am I not cute enough for her? - Of course you are. You're adorable.

147. Well, I don't know, find out for me. I want to see if I still have a chance.

148. - Right now, in front of you? - Go ahead, I can handle it.

149. Hi, this is Miranda, please leave me a message.

150. Oh, it's her machine.

151. Hey, this is Skipper. I'm with Carrie. I just told her how you won't call me back.

152. So now you have to call me back. You better call me back!

153. No, I'm kidding. I'm joking.

154. But seriously, I hope you call me back.

155. And did I mention this was Skipper?

156. I believe there is a curse put on anybody who tries to fix up their friends.

157. Where better to find modelisers in their natural habitat than a fashion show?

158. Luckily, my friend Stanford Blatch had a client in the hottest show in town.

159. "The Bone" is like the human equivalent of the sable coat.

160. He's so beautiful that I find that sometimes I have to look away.

161. Do you see him?

162. - Right there. - Where?

163. Oh, my God, look at him. He travels with his own personal lighting director.

164. Derek, AKA "The Bone",

165. was the world's biggest underwear model and Stanford's most important client,

166. as well as the subject of his single-minded obsession.

167. Hey, Stanny.

168. Derek, I would like you to meet a very dear friend, Carrie Bradshaw.

169. Nice to meet you.

170. Carrie writes the column "Sex And The City".

171. - Have you read it? - No.

172. The other day, Derek and I were walking past his billboard

173. and he told me he wanted a piece of it for his apartment, like maybe his nose.

174. I said, "Get the bulge in your pants, so when women ask how big you are,

175. "you can say, 'Fourteen feet!"'

176. That would be funny, wouldn't it?

177. Everybody's talking about you. You are so great.

178. You're gonna be a star, have I told you that enough? You're a star!

179. Well, we better let you get dressed.

180. - I am dressed. - Oh.

181. - We'll see you after the show. - Right.

182. Bye.

183. Can you believe anyone that beautiful can be that nice?

184. I keep dreaming that someday he's gonna say, "Stanford, I love you."

185. - Is he gay? - He denies it.

186. How could anyone that gorgeous be straight?

187. Sweetie, over here!

188. Samantha never missed a major fashion show.

189. She was one of the only people I knew who thought that proximity to beauty

190. made her feel more attractive.

191. Hey, sweetie. What happened, you couldn't find seats right on the runway?

192. You can see all the flaws from this angle.

193. - Hey, Carrie. - Hi, Barkley. How are you?

194. - You going to the party afterwards? - I don't know.

195. Of course we are. Hi, I'm Samantha.

196. Barkley.

197. Martini straight up or with a twist?

198. Straight up.

199. Really? He's very cute. You're not dating him, are you?

200. Oh, God, no. He's a total modeliser.

201. Is he dating any one model in particular?

202. Actually, he's sleeping with all of them in general.

203. - Only models? - Only models.

204. Later that night we all went downtown for a party.

205. I was beginning to float away on a sea of sweet potato puffs

206. with smoked salmon and sour cream when...

207. It was Mr Big -

208. major tycoon, major dreamboat... and majorly out of my league.

209. I thought I saw you on the runway.

210. Hi.

211. I started reading your column after we met.

212. - You did? - Yeah, cute.

213. - "Cute." - Well...

214. Yeah, cute. What are you writing about this week?

215. Well, I'm working on a story about...

216. Men who date models. Any thoughts?

217. Only that they're very lucky.

218. So what have you discovered about these men...

219. Who are dating models?

220. Well, I'm discovering that some of them treat it as a competitive sport,

221. and others I think just need the validation.

222. And probably others just have a thing for exceptionally beautiful women.

223. Exactly.

224. - And there's something wrong with that? - No, there's nothing wrong.

225. I just think it might become a bit monotonous.

226. Puff?

227. - No, thanks. - Excuse me, baby.

228. So where do you write these stories?

229. - My "cute" stories? - Yeah. Have you got an office or anything?

230. No, about half the time I'm at my apartment,

231. and the other half I'm at this coffee shop on 73rd and Madison.

232. Oh, Carrie, I'd like you to meet Misha.

233. - Oh, hi. You were great in the show. - Thank you.

234. Suddenly I felt like I was wearing patchouli in a room full of Chanel.

235. - Well, it was nice talking to you. - See you around sometime...

236. I hope.

237. The truth was, I thought I had come to terms with my looks when I turned 30,

238. when I realised that I no longer had the energy to be completely superficial.

239. Your friend Barkley, he's really been coming on to me.

240. Do you actually think he believes I'm a model?

241. - Whatever it is, don't go there. - Why not?

242. He has this thing for secretly taping his conquests.

243. Really?

244. What a pervert.

245. As Samantha began to get ready for her close-up,

246. I felt it was time to call it a night.

247. I'd never felt so invisible in my entire life.

248. Taxi!

249. - Carrie. - Hey, hi! Did Stanford leave?

250. No, he's giving a neck massage to a Versace model. Where you going?

251. - Oh, I'm going home. - Can I come?

252. - You want to come home with me? - Sure, if it's quiet.

253. I can't take these crowds.

254. The things you gotta do in the name of research.

255. Shouldn't you be spending the night with some girl from the show?

256. No, I never date models. I think they're stupid.

257. I wondered if there wasn't some kind of physics for beauty.

258. Maybe two models repelled.

259. Maybe models could only be attracted to ordinary humans.

260. - So, I think it's so cool that you write. - Thanks.

261. I wish I could write. I got all these intense thoughts,

262. but I can't keep them in my head long enough to put them on paper.

263. That's the big trick.

264. The truth is, I'm totally neurotic.

265. One minute I can be walking down the street, totally cool,

266. and the next minute I'm depressed for no reason.

267. I'm totally self-conscious. Like, before I say something,

268. I say it in my head first so it doesn't come out wrong.

269. - Doesn't that seem like a waste of time? - It only takes a second.

270. - And sometimes I get so distracted. - What's distracting you now?

271. - Your nose. - Thanks a lot. I hate my nose.

272. No, it's just so cute. I hate my nose, too.

273. It's too big, but I think it depends on my hair.

274. Yeah...

275. I see what you mean.

276. What do you want to be when you grow up?

277. Well, I think this might be it. What do you want to be?

278. I'd like to move back to lowa and have kids, and be a cop.

279. I felt like when I was 16 and used to date this guy who was really beautiful

280. while my parents thought I was helping him with his homework.

281. Do you mind if we just lie here? I get so lonely in the city.

282. Sometimes it's just nice to lie with someone.

283. Sure. We could do that.

284. It was hard to imagine that anyone so beautiful could ever be lonely.

285. Meanwhile, two ordinary Joes were doing their own lonely late night thing.

286. - Anything else, miss? - No, that's it.

287. - Just cat food? - Yes, just cat food.

288. - Hey. - Oh, hi, Skipper.

289. So... why haven't you returned any of my calls?

290. I'm sorry, it's been a really busy week.

291. - I thought we had a connection. - Oh, I don't know.

292. Can I get my change?

293. You get that way with every guy that you're with?

294. No, it's just...

295. Don't you want to date a girl your own age?

296. It's got nothing to do with age. I...

297. I think you're luminous.

298. - You think I'm luminous? - Totally.

299. Miranda couldn't resist the reflection of herself in Skipper's smudged lenses.

300. - All right, let's get out of here. - OK. I'll just pay for my Cap'n Crunch.

301. There's cereal at my place.

302. And Samantha found the ultimate validation...

303. Sex, with Barkley.

304. So...

305. - Where is it? - What?

306. The camera.

307. Your friend Carrie tell you about that?

308. Don't worry, I only tape models.

309. - I won't mind. - Fine. I'll make an exception.

310. Samantha demanded the same consideration

311. given every other model in town.

312. - Hello. - Carrie, it's Stanford.

313. Do you know what happened to Derek last night?

314. - Actually, you'll never believe it, but... - Yes?

315. It's Stanford.

316. Hi, Stanford.

317. Derek, could you put Carrie back on the phone?

318. Sure.

319. - Hello. - How could you!

320. I didn't. We just talked.

321. Oh, I knew he was gay.

322. It's amazing what you'll do to be with these models.

323. I've got to retire soon. They keep me from getting work done.

324. They make me fuck up my life. Look at me!

325. I'm an old man at 34!

326. I began to realise that being beautiful

327. is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park,

328. completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least.

329. - I'm not interrupting your work, am I? - Hey, what a surprise.

330. I can't stay, I'm late. But I've been thinking about men who date models.

331. - Yeah, what about them? - First of all,

332. there are so many gorgeous women out there in this city.

333. What an amazing observation.

334. But the thing is this,

335. after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

336. Know what I mean?

337. OK.

338. See ya.

339. I take that back... Beauty is fleeting,

340. but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.