1. Hey, have ou seen these commercials for
indigestion drugs? Pepcid AC.Copy !req
2. Tagamet HB?Copy !req
3. Whole country's sick
to their stomachs.Copy !req
4. You know you're supposed to take
these things before you get sick?Copy !req
5. - What is this, a bit?
- No.Copy !req
6. - Because I'm not in the mood.
- We're just talking.Copy !req
7. Is this not the greatest
marketing ploy ever?Copy !req
8. If you feel good,
you're supposed to take one.Copy !req
9. I know that tone. This is a bit.Copy !req
10. They've opened
a whole new market.Copy !req
11. Medication for the well.Copy !req
12. All right. Are you done
with your little amusement?Copy !req
13. Then you admit it was amusing?Copy !req
14. It was okay. But move the
"medication for the well" to the front...Copy !req
15. and hit the word "good" harder.Copy !req
16. Great. Thanks.Copy !req
17. So your firm designed
all the furniture in here?Copy !req
18. Well, we manufacture it.Copy !req
19. The original designs
are by Karl Farbman.Copy !req
20. Oh, Farbman.Copy !req
21. - Do you know Farbman?
- Love Farbman.Copy !req
22. Most people go their whole lives
without sitting in a Farbman.Copy !req
23. Well, if you call that living.Copy !req
24. Wouldn't it be great if
Farbman designed shoes?Copy !req
25. Brett? Don't you think
that would be great? Brett?Copy !req
26. After the song, babe.Copy !req
27. This song.Copy !req
28. So when do I meet this jerk?Copy !req
29. He's not a jerk, Jer.
He only works with Karl Farbman.Copy !req
30. - Who?
- I don't know. Some designer.Copy !req
31. Anyway, Brett
is so generous and sensitive.Copy !req
32. Last night he was moved
just listening to a song.Copy !req
33. - What song?
- "Desperado."Copy !req
34. "Desperado"?
And you're still dating him?Copy !req
35. I'll tell you who sounds
a little desperado.Copy !req
36. See that salesman
twirling that umbrella?Copy !req
37. I invented that.Copy !req
38. That had to be invented?Copy !req
39. When I started out as a comedian,
I sold umbrellas.Copy !req
40. It was my idea to twirl it
to attract customers.Copy !req
41. Oh, really? Well, why don't
we ask him about it?Copy !req
42. - Elaine.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
43. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
44. My friend here says that he invented
that little twirl you're doing.Copy !req
45. Elaine, please,
it was a long time ago.Copy !req
46. The man doesn't want
a history lesson.Copy !req
47. Teddy Padilac
came up with this twirl.Copy !req
48. I know Teddy Padilac.Copy !req
49. I worked with him on 48th and Sixth.Copy !req
50. That's where he come up with it.Copy !req
51. - In his dreams.
- All right. Can we go?Copy !req
52. By the way, you're doing it too fast.
You'll disorient the customers.Copy !req
53. It's the twirling that dazzles the eye.Copy !req
54. I find it disorienting.Copy !req
55. Who buys an umbrella anyway?Copy !req
56. You can get them for free
in the coffee shop in the metal cans.Copy !req
57. Those belong to people.Copy !req
58. Hey. Well, this was
downstairs for you.Copy !req
59. Oh, no, not more checks.Copy !req
60. They're coming in faster
than I can sign them.Copy !req
61. - What checks?
- Oh, you didn't hear?Copy !req
62. Jerry's a big star in Japan.Copy !req
63. Don't know why.
There's a one-second clip of me...Copy !req
64. in the credits of some
Japanese comedy show.Copy !req
65. Yeah, The Super Terrific
Happy Hour.Copy !req
66. They run it all the time. I'm starting
to get these royalty checks.Copy !req
67. Look at all of those. You're rich.Copy !req
68. No, each one is for like 12 cents.Copy !req
69. It's barely worth the pain
in my hand to sign them.Copy !req
70. Jerry, you need any new furniture?Copy !req
71. - Why?
- Elaine's new boyfriend, you know...Copy !req
72. he's giving me
this oversized chest of drawers.Copy !req
73. - It's a Farbman.
- He's giving you furniture?Copy !req
74. - Who is this guy?
- Who are any of her losers?Copy !req
75. You're on that list.Copy !req
76. I gotta go home and open up
the house for the carpet cleaners.Copy !req
77. You know, they're doing
my whole place for $25?Copy !req
78. Oh, no, no, no.
Not the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners?Copy !req
79. - Yeah. You heard of them?
- They're a crazy religious cult.Copy !req
80. The carpet cleaning is just a means
for them to get into your apartment.Copy !req
81. So? For a $25 cleaning, I can listen
to some pointless blather.Copy !req
82. I do it. I'm not even
getting the cleaning.Copy !req
83. I signed over 100 checks
this morning.Copy !req
84. - Hello, $12.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
85. Would you take a picture, please.Copy !req
86. Oh, yeah. Sure.Copy !req
87. I'm gonna ask this guy something.Copy !req
88. Hey, nice twirl you got there.Copy !req
89. You know who invented that,
don't you?Copy !req
90. - Hey, are you folks from Japan?
- Yes.Copy !req
91. You recognize that mug?Copy !req
92. That's the funny face
that greets you...Copy !req
93. at the beginning of
The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
94. - Oh, Super Terrific!
- Yeah.Copy !req
95. Yeah, huh? Yeah, that's him.Copy !req
96. What is he doing?Copy !req
97. Well, I don't know,
but something super-terrific, I'm sure.Copy !req
98. - That's funny.
- Oh, yeah, very funny.Copy !req
99. And it wouldn't be impolite
to laugh at his antics.Copy !req
100. Yeah, that's it. Because everybody
laughs at Jerry here in America.Copy !req
101. We're pretty much finished.Copy !req
102. There's just one more thing.Copy !req
103. Here it comes.Copy !req
104. You forgot to sign your check.Copy !req
105. Sorry.Copy !req
106. You sure there isn't anything else?Copy !req
107. No.Copy !req
108. So that's it?Copy !req
109. - Unless you need a receipt.
- I wish that was all I needed.Copy !req
110. Life can be so confusing.Copy !req
111. I'm searching
for answers anywhere.Copy !req
112. Good luck with that.Copy !req
113. Hey.Copy !req
114. What's with the claw?Copy !req
115. Super-terrific
carpal tunnel syndrome.Copy !req
116. - There's no sign of Kramer.
- Oh, Brett.Copy !req
117. - This is Jerry.
- Hi.Copy !req
118. That's very funny. Elaine told me
you're some kind of comedian.Copy !req
119. I'm one kind.Copy !req
120. Have you seen the chest of drawers
Brett gave to Kramer?Copy !req
121. - Fleckman.
- Farbman.Copy !req
122. Right.Copy !req
123. - You gotta see them. They're beautiful.
- I'm sure they are.Copy !req
124. I'd be happy to get you some,
if that's what you're driving at.Copy !req
125. - No, I'm fine. Thank you.
- Don't worry. It's no charge to you.Copy !req
126. Looks like what you really need is
a decent desk for writing your skits.Copy !req
127. I don't write skits.Copy !req
128. Of course you don't.
You don't have a proper workstation.Copy !req
129. I'll fax over my catalog.Copy !req
130. Brett, Jerry doesn't have
a fax machine.Copy !req
131. I'm sure things will pick up
for you soon.Copy !req
132. Elaine, maybe we should get going.Copy !req
133. - Wanna join us?
- Where you going, the coffee shop?Copy !req
134. The coffee shop? I think we can
do a little better than that.Copy !req
135. You look like you could use
a solid meal at a real restaurant.Copy !req
136. - You look like you could use a...
- Jerry.Copy !req
137. Three hundred dollars.Copy !req
138. Hey, Mr. Oh, how much
would these run you in Tokyo?Copy !req
139. Those are 30,000 yen.Copy !req
140. Thirty thousand?Copy !req
141. Well, these are practically free.Copy !req
142. Giddyup. You're a cowboy now.Copy !req
143. I feel terrible about
your friend Jerry.Copy !req
144. He's upset that I gave Kramer
that chest of drawers.Copy !req
145. Why do you think he's upset?Copy !req
146. Well, how could he not be? Living in
that cramped little apartment...Copy !req
147. that outdated furniture,
so terribly un-Karl-Farbman-like.Copy !req
148. We're not gonna talk about
Karl Farbman all night, are we?Copy !req
149. I hope not.Copy !req
150. Brett, is everything all right?Copy !req
151. What is it?
Is there someone outside?Copy !req
152. Elaine, the song.Copy !req
153. For a minute, I thought
it was that urban legend...Copy !req
154. about the guy with the hook
hanging on the...Copy !req
155. Elaine, could you just not talk
for one minute?Copy !req
156. Sorry.Copy !req
157. - No spiel?
- Not a peep.Copy !req
158. They just cleaned the carpets
and left.Copy !req
159. They call themselves a cult.Copy !req
160. So you're angry
that this bizarre carpet cabal...Copy !req
161. made no attempt to abduct you?Copy !req
162. They could have at least tried.Copy !req
163. Maybe they thought you looked
too smart to be brainwashed.Copy !req
164. - Please.
- Too dumb?Copy !req
165. Well, Mackie's back in town.
Nice duds.Copy !req
166. Yeah, it's a gift
from my Japanese friends.Copy !req
167. They're known as gift-givers.Copy !req
168. And tonight, we're going dancing
at the Rainbow Room.Copy !req
169. Sounds like you're throwing
their money around.Copy !req
170. Well, Jerry, they're Japanese.Copy !req
171. I mean, that TV you watch,
that sushi you eat...Copy !req
172. even that kimono you wear...Copy !req
173. where do you think
all that money goes?Copy !req
174. That's right.Copy !req
175. How'd you hook up with
these guys?Copy !req
176. They recognized Jerry from
The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
177. See, you should be doing
your own show in Japan.Copy !req
178. Now, they get you.Copy !req
179. What kind of show am I gonna do
in Japan?Copy !req
180. What did you do with
that pilot you did?Copy !req
181. Yeah, the pilot.Copy !req
182. Right. That had
marvelous production values.Copy !req
183. I do a lot of business with
Japanese TV.Copy !req
184. They broadcast
a lot of American baseball.Copy !req
185. They got an office here
in New York.Copy !req
186. Forget it. The pilot was awful.
It failed.Copy !req
187. It failed here. Because here
every time you turn on a TV...Copy !req
188. all you see is four morons
sitting around an apartment...Copy !req
189. whining about their dates.Copy !req
190. See, George is right, Jerry.
See, here you're just another apple.Copy !req
191. But in Japan, you're an exotic fruit,
like an orange, which is rare there.Copy !req
192. You had a date?Copy !req
193. You went out with my butler? Who
said you could go out with my butler?Copy !req
194. - Why do I need your permission?
- Because he's my butler.Copy !req
195. So, what do you think?Copy !req
196. We're a bit confused.Copy !req
197. Why was this man Jerry's butler?Copy !req
198. You see, the man
who is the butler...Copy !req
199. had gotten into
a car accident with Jerry.Copy !req
200. And because he didn't have
any insurance...Copy !req
201. the judge decreed that
the man become Jerry's butler.Copy !req
202. Is this customary in
your legal system?Copy !req
203. No. That's what makes it
such a humorous situation.Copy !req
204. I'm sorry. I'm sure Mr. Seinfeld is
very funny to Americans.Copy !req
205. But I'm not sure this butler show
would work in Japan.Copy !req
206. Oh, l... I disagree.Copy !req
207. You've... You've been living
in America too long.Copy !req
208. You've forgotten what it's like
to have no oranges.Copy !req
209. Sorry. My hand is numb.Copy !req
210. Yes, from endorsing checks for
The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
211. You must go.Copy !req
212. Well, I think
I'm on the outs with Brett.Copy !req
213. I got shushed during "Desperado."Copy !req
214. What does he listen to,
the all "Desperado" station?Copy !req
215. He is just in his own world
when he hears that song.Copy !req
216. It's like I'm sitting there in the car,
and he's out riding fences.Copy !req
217. You know, what you need is
a song you can share.Copy !req
218. Yeah, you're right.
We need to find our song.Copy !req
219. Okay. So is there any song
that you feel very strongly about?Copy !req
220. I like "Witchy Woman."Copy !req
221. - "Witchy Woman"?
- You know, "Witchy Woman."Copy !req
222. Oh, "Witchy Woman."Copy !req
223. - Hey, Elaine.
- Hey.Copy !req
224. Hey, how was the Rainbow Room?Copy !req
225. Well, we... We had to leave early.Copy !req
226. There was a slight monetary
discrepancy regarding the bill.Copy !req
227. - Listen, could I borrow some pillows?
- What for?Copy !req
228. Well, my Japanese friends
are gonna stay with me.Copy !req
229. I thought they all had suites
at the Plaza.Copy !req
230. Well, I'm sorry, Jerry.Copy !req
231. We all don't have checks rolling in
like you do.Copy !req
232. Well, what about all that money
from the kimonos I wear?Copy !req
233. Well, they ran out of it.Copy !req
234. I mean, Manhattan can be quite
pricey, even with 50,000 yen.Copy !req
235. Fifty thousand yen?
Isn't that only a few hundred dollars?Copy !req
236. Evidently.Copy !req
237. Oh, by the way, tell Brett that
his chest of drawers are a big hit.Copy !req
238. My guests are
very comfortable in them.Copy !req
239. In them?Copy !req
240. You have them sleeping
in drawers?Copy !req
241. Jerry, have you ever seen
the business hotels in Tokyo?Copy !req
242. They sleep in tiny,
stacked cubicles all the time.Copy !req
243. - They feel right at home.
- This has international incident...Copy !req
244. - written all over it.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
245. - Good night, Mr. Tanaka.
- Good night.Copy !req
246. - Good night, Mr. Oh.
- Good night.Copy !req
247. Good night, Mr. Yamaguchi.Copy !req
248. - What is this?
- Rice Krispies.Copy !req
249. East meets West, Jerry.Copy !req
250. It's a lovely little bureau-and-breakfast
you're running.Copy !req
251. Well, I'm off to the bank.Copy !req
252. Elaine, l...Copy !req
253. What do you think?Copy !req
254. What are you doing?Copy !req
255. That's "Witchy Woman."
I thought it could be our song.Copy !req
256. "Witchy Woman" is okay for you,
but I've already got a song.Copy !req
257. Oh, well, then how about
"Desperado"?Copy !req
258. We can share it.Copy !req
259. No. It's mine.Copy !req
260. Here you go.
Snap, crackle and pop.Copy !req
261. Good morning, Mr. Oh.
I gotta make up the drawer.Copy !req
262. Come back in half-hour.Copy !req
263. - Hey, I'll take one.
- Well, look who's back.Copy !req
264. Teddy, this is the guy says
he invented the twirl.Copy !req
265. Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
266. Teddy Padilac, long time, no see.Copy !req
267. What do you got
in a push-button mini?Copy !req
268. Same thing we had when
you bailed on us 15 years ago.Copy !req
269. Bailed? Come on, you knew
I wanted to be a comedian.Copy !req
270. Besides, we had some good times.
Remember Tropical Storm Renee?Copy !req
271. Oh, yeah, sure. But where were you
during the poncho craze of '84?Copy !req
272. I almost lost my house.Copy !req
273. Umbrella, buddy?Copy !req
274. Now we got that damn
urban sombrero to contend with.Copy !req
275. Easy, Clicky.Copy !req
276. I hear you're taking credit
for the twirl.Copy !req
277. Oh, it's so many years ago.
Who cares?Copy !req
278. I care. Clicky cares.Copy !req
279. - Look, could I just buy an umbrella?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
280. - Two hundred dollars.
- What?Copy !req
281. Special price for a real
foul-weather friend.Copy !req
282. Hey, George. All right,
how about that tour, huh?Copy !req
283. These guys are ready to
run the bases.Copy !req
284. Kramer, it's... It's raining.
They got the tarp on the field.Copy !req
285. Listen, George, what else
can I do with these guys?Copy !req
286. Bear in mind,
they're a little light on the yen.Copy !req
287. Well, l... I got the pilot
of the Jerry show.Copy !req
288. That's perfect.
How would you guys like to watch...Copy !req
289. the Super Terrific Happy star,
Jerry Seinfeld?Copy !req
290. But we are also very hungry.Copy !req
291. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you guys
just watch the tape...Copy !req
292. and I'll get you some food.Copy !req
293. - Go ahead. Yeah.
- Please.Copy !req
294. Hey, peanuts!Copy !req
295. George. George, got a minute?Copy !req
296. George, did you call some
carpet cleaners?Copy !req
297. - Are they here?
- They're in my office right now.Copy !req
298. - They haven't said anything to you?
- About what?Copy !req
299. What kind of a snobby,
stuck-up cult is this?Copy !req
300. - Hey, Jerry.
- Oh, hi, Brett.Copy !req
301. Haven't you ever
heard of an umbrella?Copy !req
302. I didn't have enough money.Copy !req
303. - Sure things will pick up for you.
- No, it's not that. It's...Copy !req
304. Oh, no. Look at the checks.
Hours of hard work ruined.Copy !req
305. Don't worry.
I can spot you the 12 cents.Copy !req
306. No. It's not the money.Copy !req
307. It's my hand.
It's crippled from writing and writing.Copy !req
308. Nothing's working for you, is it?Copy !req
309. Not at the moment, Brett.Copy !req
310. I'd give you a ride,
but I got Karl Farbman here.Copy !req
311. Thanks for stopping.Copy !req
312. Brett said you ran away from him
as if he were the boogity man?Copy !req
313. Boogeyman.Copy !req
314. - Boogie?
- I'm quite sure.Copy !req
315. Anyway, any luck
getting together on a song?Copy !req
316. No. He blew out my
"Witchy Woman."Copy !req
317. And he won't share "Desperado."Copy !req
318. Hey, what do you think of
"Oye Como Va"?Copy !req
319. Well, I'm running out of guys
here in this city, Jer.Copy !req
320. Hey, great news.Copy !req
321. I showed the pilot to Kramer's
Japanese friends. They loved it!Copy !req
322. Really? They bought
the butler character?Copy !req
323. Did I tell you that story's relatable?
That was a great show.Copy !req
324. That is why I'm bringing it
back to NBC.Copy !req
325. - NBC?
- Nakahama Broadcast Corporation.Copy !req
326. But they told us we must go now.Copy !req
327. Yeah, but now I have
my own market research.Copy !req
328. Actual Japanese viewers
that loved the show.Copy !req
329. - I'm gonna talk to Kramer.
- Hey, George, do me a favor.Copy !req
330. If they make you an offer,
whatever it is, just take it.Copy !req
331. Hey, by the way
what'd you think of Miss Yoshimura?Copy !req
332. - Who?
- The network executive.Copy !req
333. Do you think she liked me?Copy !req
334. Hey, look at who's here!Copy !req
335. George, come on in. Come on.Copy !req
336. - I want you to come in here.
- Come on in, fat boy!Copy !req
337. Get a good night's sleep,
all right, fellas? Big day tomorrow.Copy !req
338. All right.Copy !req
339. Last one.Copy !req
340. Here you are.Copy !req
341. - Where's the boys?
- No, I let them sleep in.Copy !req
342. I'm on my way to cash in
their plane tickets for them.Copy !req
343. They need a little food money.Copy !req
344. - The meeting starts in 10 minutes.
- Well, I set their alarm.Copy !req
345. But they did have a lot of sake
in that hot tub.Copy !req
346. I'm calling Jerry.Copy !req
347. - Yeah?
- Jerry!Copy !req
348. The Japanese guys had sake
in the hot tub.Copy !req
349. You gotta get them down here...Copy !req
350. or I don't have a focus group
to sell the pilot.Copy !req
351. Uncle Leo?Copy !req
352. Jerry!Copy !req
353. All right, all right. I'll wake them up.Copy !req
354. Testy.Copy !req
355. Hello?Copy !req
356. - Mr. Jerry, open the drawer, please.
- It's stuck.Copy !req
357. The steam from the hot tub
must have warped the wood.Copy !req
358. - Pull harder.
- I'm trying.Copy !req
359. I can't get a grip.
My hand's had kind of a bad week.Copy !req
360. Very funny. But no joking, please.Copy !req
361. Don't worry, I'll get you out.Copy !req
362. Brett, believe me,
you don't have to do this.Copy !req
363. Elaine, I know he'll appreciate this.Copy !req
364. It's not as nice
as Kramer's cabinets, but it's a start.Copy !req
365. Well, I promise you, Jerry is not
jealous of Kramer's cabinets.Copy !req
366. Move to the back of the drawers!Copy !req
367. Jerry?Copy !req
368. Jerry.Copy !req
369. Not the Farbman!Copy !req
370. So, gentlemen, we have a deal?Copy !req
371. Excuse me. Did you hire
the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners?Copy !req
372. Yes. To clean up the coffee stain
left by Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
373. Mr... Mr. Wilhelm, what...?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
374. I'm here to clean the carpets.Copy !req
375. Most of the world is carpeted,
and one day, we will do the cleaning.Copy !req
376. Him, you brainwashed?Copy !req
377. What's he got that I don't have?Copy !req
378. Mr. Wilhelm, you've been abducted.Copy !req
379. Mr. Wilhelm,
you gotta listen to me.Copy !req
380. Wilhelm?Copy !req
381. My name is Tanya.Copy !req
382. Brett, I'm... I'm really sorry.Copy !req
383. I didn't mean to hit you
in the head with an axe.Copy !req
384. At least it was just a handle.Copy !req
385. Those beautiful cabinets.Copy !req
386. What am I gonna tell...?Copy !req
387. - I can't remember his name.
- Fleckman?Copy !req
388. Calm down, Brett. Okay?Copy !req
389. You could have a concussion.
Calm down.Copy !req
390. - His pulse is fine.
- Looks like a minor concussion.Copy !req
391. Let me see what I can do
to relieve the swelling.Copy !req
392. Doctor?Copy !req
393. Doctor?Copy !req
394. Doctor?Copy !req
395. Doctor, I think we're losing him.Copy !req