1. You seen commercials for
indigestion drugs? Pepcid AC.Copy !req
2. Tagamet HB?Copy !req
3. Country's sick to their stomachs.Copy !req
4. You know you're supposed to take
these things before you get sick?Copy !req
5. - What is this, a bit?
- No.Copy !req
6. - Because I'm not in the mood.
- We're just talking.Copy !req
7. Is this not the greatest
marketing ploy ever?Copy !req
8. if you feel good,
you're supposed to take one.Copy !req
9. I know that tone. This is a bit.Copy !req
10. They've opened a whole new market.
Medication for the well.Copy !req
11. All right. Are you done
with your little amusement?Copy !req
12. Then you admit it was amusing?Copy !req
13. It was okay. But move the
"medication for the well" to the front...Copy !req
14. and hit the word "good" harder.Copy !req
15. Great. Thanks.Copy !req
16. So your firm designed
all the furniture in here?Copy !req
17. Well, we manufacture it.Copy !req
18. The original designs
are by Karl Farbman.Copy !req
19. Oh, Farbman.Copy !req
20. - Do you know Farbman?
- Love Farbman.Copy !req
21. Most people go their whole lives
without sitting in a Farbman.Copy !req
22. Well, if you call that living.Copy !req
23. Wouldn't it be great if
Farbman designed shoes?Copy !req
24. Brett? Don't you think
that would be great? Brett?Copy !req
25. After the song, babe.Copy !req
26. This song.Copy !req
27. So when do I meet this jerk?Copy !req
28. He's not a jerk, Jer.
He only works with Karl Farbman.Copy !req
29. - Who?
- I don't know. Some designer.Copy !req
30. Anyway, Brett
is so generous and sensitive.Copy !req
31. Last night he was moved
just listening to a song.Copy !req
32. - What song?
- " Desperado."Copy !req
33. " Desperado"?
And you're still dating him?Copy !req
34. I'll tell you who sounds
a little desperado.Copy !req
35. See that salesman
twirling that umbrella?Copy !req
36. - I invented that.
- That had to be invented?Copy !req
37. When I started out as a comedian,
I sold umbrellas.Copy !req
38. It was my idea to twirl it
to attract customers.Copy !req
39. Oh, really? Well, why don't
we ask him about it?Copy !req
40. - Elaine.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
41. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
42. My friend here says that he invented
that little twirl you're doing.Copy !req
43. Elaine, please,
it was a long time ago.Copy !req
44. The man doesn't want
a history lesson.Copy !req
45. Teddy Padilac
came up with this twirl.Copy !req
46. I know Teddy Padilac.Copy !req
47. I worked with him on 48th and Sixth.Copy !req
48. That's where he come up with it.Copy !req
49. - In his dreams.
- All right. Can we go?Copy !req
50. By the way, you're doing it too fast.
You'll disorient the customers.Copy !req
51. It's the twirling that dazzles the eye.Copy !req
52. I find it disorienting.Copy !req
53. Who buys an umbrella anyway?Copy !req
54. You can get them for free
in the coffee shop in the metal cans.Copy !req
55. Those belong to people.Copy !req
56. Hey. Well, this was
downstairs for you.Copy !req
57. Oh, no, not more checks.Copy !req
58. They're coming in faster
than I can sign them.Copy !req
59. - What checks?
- Oh, you didn't hear?Copy !req
60. Jerry's a big star in Japan.Copy !req
61. Don't know why.
There's a clip of me...Copy !req
62. in the credits of some
Japanese comedy.Copy !req
63. Yeah, The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
64. They run it all the time. I'm starting
to get these royalty checks.Copy !req
65. Look at all of those. You're rich.Copy !req
66. No, each one is for like 12 cents.Copy !req
67. It's barely worth the pain
in my hand to sign them.Copy !req
68. Jerry, you need any new furniture?Copy !req
69. - Why?
- Elaine's new boyfriend, you know...Copy !req
70. he's giving me
this oversized chest of drawers.Copy !req
71. - It's a Farbman.
- He's giving you furniture?Copy !req
72. - Who is this guy?
- Who are any of her losers?Copy !req
73. You're on that list.Copy !req
74. I gotta go home and open up
the house for the carpet cleaners.Copy !req
75. You know, they're doing
my whole place for $25?Copy !req
76. Oh, no, no, no.
Not the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners?Copy !req
77. - Yeah. You heard of them?
- They're a crazy religious cult.Copy !req
78. The carpet cleaning is just a means
for them to get into your apartment.Copy !req
79. So? For a $25 cleaning, I can listen
to some pointless blather.Copy !req
80. I do it. I'm not even
getting the cleaning.Copy !req
81. I signed over 100 checks
this morning.Copy !req
82. - Hello, $12.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
83. Would you take a picture, please.Copy !req
84. Oh, yeah. Sure.Copy !req
85. I'm gonna ask this guy something.Copy !req
86. Hey, nice twirl you got there.Copy !req
87. You know who invented that,
don't you?Copy !req
88. - Hey, are you folks from Japan?
- Yes.Copy !req
89. You recognize that mug?Copy !req
90. That's the funny face
that greets you...Copy !req
91. at the beginning of
The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
92. - Oh, Super Terrific!
- Yeah.Copy !req
93. Yeah, huh? Yeah, that's him.Copy !req
94. What is he doing?Copy !req
95. Well, I don't know,
but something super-terrific, I'm sure.Copy !req
96. - That's funny.
- Oh, yeah, very funny.Copy !req
97. And it wouldn't be impolite
to laugh at his antics.Copy !req
98. Yeah, that's it. Because everybody
laughs at Jerry here in America.Copy !req
99. We're pretty much finished.Copy !req
100. There's just one more thing.Copy !req
101. Here it comes.Copy !req
102. You forgot to sign your check.Copy !req
103. Sorry.Copy !req
104. You sure there isn't anything else?Copy !req
105. No.Copy !req
106. So that's it?Copy !req
107. - Unless you need a receipt.
- I wish that was all I needed.Copy !req
108. Life can be so confusing.Copy !req
109. I'm searching
for answers anywhere.Copy !req
110. Good luck with that.Copy !req
111. Hey.Copy !req
112. - What's with the claw?
- Super-terrific carpal tunnel syndrome.Copy !req
113. - There's no sign of Kramer.
- Oh, Brett.Copy !req
114. - This is Jerry.
- Hi.Copy !req
115. That's very funny. Elaine told me
you're some kind of comedian.Copy !req
116. I'm one kind.Copy !req
117. Have you seen the chest of drawers
Brett gave to Kramer?Copy !req
118. - Fleckman. Right.
- Farbman.Copy !req
119. - You gotta see them. They're beautiful.
- I'm sure they are.Copy !req
120. I'd be happy to get you some,
if that's what you're driving at.Copy !req
121. - No, I'm fine. Thank you.
- Don't worry. It's no charge to you.Copy !req
122. Looks like what you really need is
a decent desk for writing your skits.Copy !req
123. I don't write skits.Copy !req
124. Of course you don't.
You don't have a proper workstation.Copy !req
125. I'll fax over my catalogue.Copy !req
126. Brett, Jerry doesn't have
a fax machine.Copy !req
127. I'm sure things will pick up
for you soon.Copy !req
128. Elaine, maybe we should get going.Copy !req
129. - Wanna join us?
- Where you going, the coffee shop?Copy !req
130. The coffee shop? I think we can
do a little better than that.Copy !req
131. You look like you could use
a solid meal at a real restaurant.Copy !req
132. - You look like you could use a—
- Jerry.Copy !req
133. Three hundred dollars. Mr. Oh, how
much would these run you in Tokyo?Copy !req
134. Those are 30,000 yen.Copy !req
135. Thirty thousand?Copy !req
136. Well, these are practically free.Copy !req
137. Giddy up. You're a cowboy now.Copy !req
138. I feel terrible about
your friend Jerry.Copy !req
139. He's upset that I gave Kramer
that chest of drawers.Copy !req
140. Why do you think he's upset?Copy !req
141. Well, how could he not be? Living in
that cramped little apartment...Copy !req
142. that outdated furniture,
so terribly un-Karl-Farbman-like.Copy !req
143. We're not gonna talk about
Karl Farbman all night, are we?Copy !req
144. I hope not.Copy !req
145. Brett, is everything all right?Copy !req
146. What is it?
ls there someone outside?Copy !req
147. Elaine, the song.Copy !req
148. For a minute, I thought
it was that urban legend...Copy !req
149. about the guy with the hook
hanging on the—Copy !req
150. Elaine, could you just not talk
for one minute?Copy !req
151. Sorry.Copy !req
152. - No spiel?
- Not a peep.Copy !req
153. They just cleaned the carpets
and left.Copy !req
154. They call themselves a cult.Copy !req
155. So you're angry
that this bizarre carpet cabal...Copy !req
156. made no attempt to abduct you?Copy !req
157. They could have at least tried.Copy !req
158. Maybe they thought you looked
too smart to be brainwashed.Copy !req
159. - Please.
- Too dumb?Copy !req
160. Well, Mackie's back in town.
Nice duds.Copy !req
161. Yeah, it's a gift
from my Japanese friends.Copy !req
162. They're known as gift-givers.Copy !req
163. And tonight, we're going dancing
at the Rainbow Room.Copy !req
164. Sounds like you're throwing
their money around.Copy !req
165. Well, Jerry, they're Japanese.Copy !req
166. I mean, that TV you watch,
that sushi you eat...Copy !req
167. even that kimono you wear...Copy !req
168. where do you think
all that money goes?Copy !req
169. That's right.Copy !req
170. How'd you hook up with
these guys?Copy !req
171. They recognized Jerry from
The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
172. See, you should be doing
your own show in Japan.Copy !req
173. Now, they get you.Copy !req
174. What kind of show am I gonna do
in Japan?Copy !req
175. What did you do with
that pilot you did?Copy !req
176. Yeah, the pilot.Copy !req
177. Right. That had
marvellous production values.Copy !req
178. I do a lot of business with
Japanese TV.Copy !req
179. They broadcast
a lot of American baseball.Copy !req
180. They got an office here
in New York.Copy !req
181. Forget it. The pilot was awful.
It failed.Copy !req
182. It failed here. Because here
every time you turn on a TV...Copy !req
183. all you see is four morons
sitting around an apartment...Copy !req
184. whining about their dates.Copy !req
185. See, George is right, Jerry.
See, here you're just another apple.Copy !req
186. But in Japan, you're an exotic fruit,
like an orange, which is rare there.Copy !req
187. You had a date?Copy !req
188. You went out with my butler? Who
said you could go out with my butler?Copy !req
189. - Why do I need your permission?
- Because he's my butler.Copy !req
190. So, what do you think?Copy !req
191. We're a bit confused.Copy !req
192. Why was this man Jerry's butler?Copy !req
193. You see, the man
who is the butler...Copy !req
194. had gotten into
a car accident with Jerry.Copy !req
195. And because he didn't have
any insurance...Copy !req
196. the judge decreed that
the man become Jerry's butler.Copy !req
197. Is this customary in
your legal system?Copy !req
198. No. That's what makes it
such a humorous situation.Copy !req
199. I'm sorry. I'm sure Mr. Seinfeld is
very funny to Americans.Copy !req
200. But I'm not sure this butler show
would work in Japan.Copy !req
201. Oh, l— I disagree.Copy !req
202. You've— You've been living
in America too long.Copy !req
203. You've forgotten what it's like
to have no oranges.Copy !req
204. Sorry. My hand is numb.Copy !req
205. Yes, from endorsing checks for
The Super Terrific Happy Hour.Copy !req
206. You must go.Copy !req
207. Well, I think
I'm on the outs with Brett.Copy !req
208. I got shushed during " Desperado."Copy !req
209. What does he listen to,
the all " Desperado" station?Copy !req
210. He is just in his own world
when he hears that song.Copy !req
211. It's like I'm sitting there in the car,
and he's out riding fences.Copy !req
212. You know, what you need is
a song you can share.Copy !req
213. Yeah, you're right.
We need to find our song.Copy !req
214. Okay. So is there any song
that you feel very strongly about?Copy !req
215. I like "Witchy Woman."Copy !req
216. - "Witchy Woman"?
- You know, "Witchy Woman."Copy !req
217. Oh, "Witchy Woman."Copy !req
218. - Hey, Elaine.
- Hey.Copy !req
219. Hey, how was the Rainbow Room?Copy !req
220. Well, we— We had to leave early.Copy !req
221. There was a slight monetary
discrepancy regarding the bill.Copy !req
222. - Listen, could I borrow some pillows?
- What for?Copy !req
223. Well, my Japanese friends
are gonna stay with me.Copy !req
224. I thought they all had suites
at the Plaza.Copy !req
225. Well, I'm sorry, Jerry. We all don't
have checks rolling in like you do.Copy !req
226. Well, what about all that money
from the kimonos I wear?Copy !req
227. Well, they ran out of it.Copy !req
228. I mean, Manhattan can be quite
pricey, even with 50,000 yen.Copy !req
229. Fifty thousand yen?
isn't that only a few hundred dollars?Copy !req
230. Evidently.Copy !req
231. Oh, by the way, tell Brett that
his chest of drawers are a big hit.Copy !req
232. My guests are
very comfortable in them.Copy !req
233. In them?Copy !req
234. You have them sleeping in drawers?Copy !req
235. Jerry, have you ever seen
the business hotels in Tokyo?Copy !req
236. They sleep in tiny,
stacked cubicles all the time.Copy !req
237. - They feel right at home.
- This has international incident...Copy !req
238. - ... written all over it.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
239. - Good night, Mr. Tanaka.
- Good night.Copy !req
240. - Good night, Mr. Oh.
- Good night.Copy !req
241. Good night, Mr. Yamaguchi.Copy !req
242. - What is this?
- Rice Krispies.Copy !req
243. East meets West, Jerry.Copy !req
244. That's a lovely little
bureau-and-breakfast you're running.Copy !req
245. Well, I'm off to the bank.Copy !req
246. Elaine, l—Copy !req
247. What do you think?Copy !req
248. What are you doing?Copy !req
249. That's "Witchy Woman."
I thought it could be our song.Copy !req
250. "Witchy Woman" is okay for you,
but I've already got a song.Copy !req
251. Oh, well, then how about
" Desperado"?Copy !req
252. We can share it.Copy !req
253. No. It's mine.Copy !req
254. Here you go.
Snap, crackle and pop.Copy !req
255. Good morning, Mr. Oh.
I gotta make up the drawer.Copy !req
256. Come back in half-hour.Copy !req
257. - Hey, I'll take one.
- Well, look who's back.Copy !req
258. Teddy, this is the guy says
he invented the twirl.Copy !req
259. Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
260. Teddy Padilac, long time, no see.Copy !req
261. What do you got
in a push-button mini?Copy !req
262. Same thing we had when
you bailed on us 15 years ago.Copy !req
263. Bailed? Come on, you knew
I wanted to be a comedian.Copy !req
264. Besides, we had some good times.
Remember Tropical Storm Renee?Copy !req
265. Oh, yeah, sure. But where were you
during the poncho craze of '84?Copy !req
266. I almost lost my house.Copy !req
267. Umbrella, buddy?Copy !req
268. Now we got that damn
urban sombrero to contend with.Copy !req
269. Easy, Clicky.Copy !req
270. I hear you're taking credit
for the twirl.Copy !req
271. Oh, it's so many years ago.
Who cares?Copy !req
272. I care. Clicky cares.Copy !req
273. - Look, could I just buy an umbrella?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
274. - Two hundred dollars.
- What?Copy !req
275. Special price for a real
foul-weather friend.Copy !req
276. Hey, George. All right,
how about that tour, huh?Copy !req
277. These guys are ready to
run the bases.Copy !req
278. Kramer, it's— It's raining.
They got the tarp on the field.Copy !req
279. Listen, George, what else
can I do with these guys?Copy !req
280. Bear in mind,
they're a little light on the yen.Copy !req
281. Well, l— I got the pilot
of the Jerry show.Copy !req
282. That's perfect.
How would you guys like to watch...Copy !req
283. the Super Terrific Happy star,
Jerry Seinfeld?Copy !req
284. But we are also very hungry.Copy !req
285. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you guys
just watch the tape...Copy !req
286. and I'll get you some food.Copy !req
287. - Go ahead. Yeah.
- Please.Copy !req
288. Hey, peanuts!Copy !req
289. George. George, got a minute?Copy !req
290. George, did you call some
carpet cleaners?Copy !req
291. - Are they here?
- They're in my office right now.Copy !req
292. - They haven't said anything to you?
- About what?Copy !req
293. What kind of a snobby,
stuck-up cult is this?Copy !req
294. - Hey, Jerry.
- Oh, hi, Brett.Copy !req
295. Haven't you ever
heard of an umbrella?Copy !req
296. I didn't have enough money.Copy !req
297. - Sure things will pick up for you.
- No, it's not that. It's...Copy !req
298. Oh, no. Look at the checks.
Hours of hard work ruined.Copy !req
299. Don't worry.
I can spot you the 12 cents.Copy !req
300. No. It's not the money.Copy !req
301. It's my hand.
It's crippled from writing and writing.Copy !req
302. Nothing's working for you, is it?Copy !req
303. Not at the moment, Brett.Copy !req
304. I'd give you a ride,
but I got Karl Farbman here.Copy !req
305. Thanks for stopping.Copy !req
306. Brett said you ran away from him
as if he were the boogity man?Copy !req
307. Bogeyman.Copy !req
308. - Boogie?
- I'm quite sure.Copy !req
309. Anyway, any luck
getting together on a song?Copy !req
310. No. He blew out my
"Witchy Woman."Copy !req
311. And he won't share " Desperado."Copy !req
312. Hey, what do you think of
"Oye Como Va"?Copy !req
313. Well, I'm running out of guys
here in this city, Jer.Copy !req
314. Hey, great news.Copy !req
315. I showed the pilot to Kramer's
Japanese friends. They loved it!Copy !req
316. Really? They bought
the butler character?Copy !req
317. Did I tell you that story's relatable?
That was a great show.Copy !req
318. That is why I'm bringing it
back to NBC.Copy !req
319. - NBC?
- Nakahama Broadcast Corporation.Copy !req
320. But they told us we must go now.Copy !req
321. Yeah, but now I have
my own market research.Copy !req
322. Actual Japanese viewers
that loved the show.Copy !req
323. - I'm gonna talk to Kramer.
- Hey, George, do me a favour.Copy !req
324. if they make you an offer,
whatever it is, just take it.Copy !req
325. Hey, by the way
what'd you think of Miss Yoshimura?Copy !req
326. - Who?
- The network executive.Copy !req
327. Do you think she liked me?Copy !req
328. Hey, look at who's here!Copy !req
329. George, come on in. Come on.Copy !req
330. - I want you to come in here.
- Come on in, fat boy!Copy !req
331. Get a good night's sleep,
all right, fellas? Big day tomorrow.Copy !req
332. All right.Copy !req
333. Last one.Copy !req
334. Here you are.Copy !req
335. - Where's the boys?
- No, I let them sleep in.Copy !req
336. I'm on my way to cash in
their plane tickets for them.Copy !req
337. They need a little food money.Copy !req
338. - The meeting starts in 10 minutes.
- Well, I set their alarm.Copy !req
339. But they did have a lot of sake
in that hot tub.Copy !req
340. I'm calling Jerry.Copy !req
341. - Yeah?
- Jerry!Copy !req
342. The Japanese guys had sake
in the hot tub.Copy !req
343. You gotta get them down here...Copy !req
344. or I don't have a focus group
to sell the pilot.Copy !req
345. Uncle Leo?Copy !req
346. Jerry!Copy !req
347. All right, all right. I'll wake them up.Copy !req
348. Testy.Copy !req
349. Hello?Copy !req
350. - Mr. Jerry, open the drawer, please.
- It's stuck.Copy !req
351. The steam from the hot tub
must have warped the wood.Copy !req
352. - Pull harder.
- I'm trying.Copy !req
353. I can't get a grip.
My hand's had kind of a bad week.Copy !req
354. Very funny. But no joking, please.Copy !req
355. Don't worry, I'll get you out.Copy !req
356. Brett, believe me,
you don't have to do this.Copy !req
357. Elaine, I know he'll appreciate this.Copy !req
358. It's not as nice
as Kramer's cabinets, but it's a start.Copy !req
359. Well, I promise you, Jerry is not
jealous of Kramer's cabinets.Copy !req
360. Move to the back of the drawers!Copy !req
361. Jerry?Copy !req
362. Jerry.Copy !req
363. Not the Farbman!Copy !req
364. So, gentlemen, we have a deal?Copy !req
365. Excuse me. Did you hire
the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners?Copy !req
366. Yes. To clean up the coffee stain
left by Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
367. Mr... Mr. Wilhelm, what...?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
368. I'm here to clean the carpets.Copy !req
369. Most of the world is carpeted,
and one day, we will do the cleaning.Copy !req
370. Him, you brainwashed?Copy !req
371. What's he got that I don't have?Copy !req
372. Mr. Wilhelm, you've been abducted.Copy !req
373. Mr. Wilhelm, you gotta listen to me.Copy !req
374. Wilhelm?Copy !req
375. My name is Tanya.Copy !req
376. Brett, I'm— I'm really sorry.Copy !req
377. I didn't mean to hit you
in the head with an axe.Copy !req
378. At least it was just a handle.Copy !req
379. Those beautiful cabinets.Copy !req
380. What am I gonna tell—?Copy !req
381. - I can't remember his name.
- Fleckman?Copy !req
382. Calm down, Brett. Okay?Copy !req
383. You could have a concussion.
Calm down.Copy !req
384. - His pulse is fine.
- Looks like a minor concussion.Copy !req
385. Let me see what I can do
to relieve the swelling.Copy !req
386. Doctor?Copy !req
387. Doctor?Copy !req
388. Doctor?Copy !req
389. Doctor, I think we're losing him.Copy !req