1. Boy, I really miss
the Bermuda Triangle.Copy !req
2. Guess there's not much action
there these days.Copy !req
3. Oh, there's action.
There's plenty of action.Copy !req
4. It's that damn alien autopsy
stealing the headlines.Copy !req
5. Yeah, tell me about it.Copy !req
6. See, what they gotta do is lose
a plane or a Greenpeace boat.Copy !req
7. See, that would get
the Triangle going again.Copy !req
8. What keeps the water there?
I mean, why doesn't that disappear?Copy !req
9. Now, what would be the point
of taking the water?Copy !req
10. It's gorgeous water.Copy !req
11. Do we own Bermuda?Copy !req
12. No, it belongs to the British.Copy !req
13. Lucky Krauts.Copy !req
14. What do you think
of that autopsy?Copy !req
15. - Oh, that's real.
- I think so too.Copy !req
16. The doctor will be
with you in a moment.Copy !req
17. "Difficult"?Copy !req
18. Elaine, you shouldn't
be reading that.Copy !req
19. Now, tell me
about this rash of yours.Copy !req
20. Well, it's— It's...Copy !req
21. You know, I notice
that someone wrote in my chart...Copy !req
22. that I was difficult
in January of '92.Copy !req
23. I have to tell you,
I remember that appointment exactly.Copy !req
24. You see, this nurse
had asked me to put a gown on...Copy !req
25. but it was a mole on my shoulder...Copy !req
26. and actually I had specifically
worn a tank top...Copy !req
27. so that I wouldn't
have to put a gown on.Copy !req
28. You know, they're made of paper.Copy !req
29. Well, that was a long time ago.Copy !req
30. How about if I just erase it?Copy !req
31. Now, about that rash?Copy !req
32. But it was in pen.Copy !req
33. You fake erased.Copy !req
34. All right, Miss Benes.
This doesn't look too serious.Copy !req
35. You should be fine.Copy !req
36. What are you writing?Copy !req
37. Doctor?Copy !req
38. - Here you go.
- Thanks.Copy !req
39. I hope you got that
mustard stain out of your shirt.Copy !req
40. Jerry, what's the matter
with your stereo?Copy !req
41. I don't know.
What's the matter with your stereo?Copy !req
42. I traded it to Lomez for some steaks.Copy !req
43. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
44. - Now, see, this is busted.
- No, it works.Copy !req
45. - It's busted.
- Watch. Let me show you.Copy !req
46. All you gotta do is— You gotta
jiggle it with this screwdriver.Copy !req
47. Smile.Copy !req
48. - What are you doing?
- I met this woman Sheila.Copy !req
49. She works down at the one-hour
photo place.Copy !req
50. She's got this incredible smile,
like she's got too many teeth.Copy !req
51. Extra teeth. I love that.Copy !req
52. And check this out. I go to pick up
my pictures and she says:Copy !req
53. " I hope you got that mustard stain
out of your shirt."Copy !req
54. - What mustard stain?
- Don't you see?Copy !req
55. She's looking at my pictures.Copy !req
56. Why did you take a picture
of a stain?Copy !req
57. - It's got nothing to do with this.
- I see, she's looking.Copy !req
58. Yes.Copy !req
59. You gotta get this fixed.Copy !req
60. They've tried.
It keeps coming back the same.Copy !req
61. - You interested in a refund?
- I can't get a refund.Copy !req
62. - The warranty expired two years ago.
- Would you be interested?Copy !req
63. - How you gonna—?
- Would you?Copy !req
64. - I guess I would.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
65. You are not gonna believe...Copy !req
66. what happened to me
at the doctor's office today.Copy !req
67. Not the gown again?Copy !req
68. No. No. I was looking at my chart,
and it said that I was difficult.Copy !req
69. Why would they write that?Copy !req
70. They've gotten to know you.Copy !req
71. Then the doctor
writes more stuff down there...Copy !req
72. and he doesn't
even look at my rash.Copy !req
73. Find one that doesn't
know you're difficult.Copy !req
74. Come on. I'm not difficult. I'm easy.Copy !req
75. Because you dress casual
and sleep with a lot of guys?Copy !req
76. - Listen, you little sh—
- Smile.Copy !req
77. Elaine, you really
didn't have to put on the gown.Copy !req
78. It's my pleasure. I love these.Copy !req
79. In fact, I've got one at home.Copy !req
80. It's perfect when you
wanna throw something on.Copy !req
81. - Hi.
- Thank you.Copy !req
82. All right.Copy !req
83. Let me just review your history
before we begin.Copy !req
84. Oh, where did you get my chart?Copy !req
85. From your last doctor.
It's standard procedure.Copy !req
86. You know, I can tell you my
whole history. Let's just—Copy !req
87. Okay. Let's take a look.Copy !req
88. Well, that doesn't look too serious.
You'll be fine.Copy !req
89. Please, please. It—
But it's really, really itchy.Copy !req
90. Oh, no.Copy !req
91. - Seinfeld?
- Yeah.Copy !req
92. Got a package for you. Sign here.Copy !req
93. - Oh, who's it from?
- No return address.Copy !req
94. What if I don't want it?Copy !req
95. Are you refusing delivery?Copy !req
96. - Maybe I am.
- Why would you do that?Copy !req
97. - Never done it before.
- Why start?Copy !req
98. Why not?Copy !req
99. All right.Copy !req
100. Why'd you refuse that?
Everybody loves a package.Copy !req
101. I don't know. It was weird.Copy !req
102. Crazy printing.
I don't know who from.Copy !req
103. What do you think? It's a bomb?Copy !req
104. It's not totally impossible.Copy !req
105. The ego on you.Copy !req
106. - Why can't I be bomb-able?
- Who's gonna bomb you?Copy !req
107. An airline for all the stupid
little peanut jokes?Copy !req
108. Oh, I suppose you think
you're bomb-able?Copy !req
109. Couple people wouldn't mind
having me out of the way.Copy !req
110. There's more than a couple.Copy !req
111. Check these out.
I just picked them up from Sheila.Copy !req
112. She must have loved these.Copy !req
113. - You don't have a Mercedes.
- Just leaned on it...Copy !req
114. so it'd look like mine.Copy !req
115. The driver seems put out.Copy !req
116. No, he was fine with it.Copy !req
117. Check this out.Copy !req
118. Is that Burt Reynolds?Copy !req
119. Wax Museum.Copy !req
120. - What is this?
- That is a lot of skin.Copy !req
121. This must be Sheila
from the photo place.Copy !req
122. - You can barely see her face.
- She must have slipped it in.Copy !req
123. - Photo-store Sheila.
- Well, hello, photo-store Sheila.Copy !req
124. All right. I will see you boys later.Copy !req
125. - Where are you going?
- To ask her out.Copy !req
126. - No, no. You're not playing the game.
- What game?Copy !req
127. She goes to these lengths
to entice you...Copy !req
128. and your only response is,
" I really like your picture.Copy !req
129. Would you like to go out
on a date with me, please?"Copy !req
130. - No good?
- It's the timeless art of seduction.Copy !req
131. You gotta join in the dance.
She sends you an enticing photo...Copy !req
132. - ... you send her one right back.
- Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
133. Well, as you know, I've always
been something of a photog.Copy !req
134. Oh, yeah, I like this idea.Copy !req
135. Hey, Danny.Copy !req
136. - Hello. How are you?
- Hey, Leo.Copy !req
137. What's with your nephew?
He wouldn't accept the package.Copy !req
138. He wants it.
He's just trying to be funny.Copy !req
139. Yeah, I'll sign for it.Copy !req
140. And then he started
writing on my chart.Copy !req
141. Just get ahold of it
and change what you don't like.Copy !req
142. You can't change your chart.
It's your chart.Copy !req
143. I'm in my personnel file
all the time.Copy !req
144. - You are?
- I've kept the same job over two years.Copy !req
145. It's not luck.Copy !req
146. Have you ever sent a racy
photograph of yourself to anyone?Copy !req
147. Yeah. I sent one to everyone I know.Copy !req
148. You remember my Christmas card?Copy !req
149. Oh, right.Copy !req
150. The nipple.Copy !req
151. Aside from that, how did you feel
about Kramer's work?Copy !req
152. Actually, I thought
he was professional.Copy !req
153. - It was a good experience?
- Yeah.Copy !req
154. I liked the picture so much
I cropped out the nipple.Copy !req
155. I'm using it for my health-club lD.Copy !req
156. - Nice.
- Yeah, it is nice actually.Copy !req
157. I've gotta see Dr. Berg right away.Copy !req
158. - This rash is spreading.
- He can't see you. He's busy.Copy !req
159. Oh, come on.
Have some compassion.Copy !req
160. Well, I hope it's contagious then.Copy !req
161. Come on. Move.Copy !req
162. Oh, hi, Dr. Berg.Copy !req
163. - I didn't know if—
- The chart, Miss Benes.Copy !req
164. Oh, please, no more.Copy !req
165. - Hey.
- Where's Kramer?Copy !req
166. He went to get
some steak sauce. Why?Copy !req
167. Personal matter.Copy !req
168. - Hello.
- Jerry, it's your Uncle Leo. Hello.Copy !req
169. Hello, Leo. You don't have to yell.Copy !req
170. I got your package.Copy !req
171. - How did you get my package?
- Leo's got your package?Copy !req
172. - What should I do?
- I don't know what you should do.Copy !req
173. Tell him to open it.Copy !req
174. I'm not gonna treat my uncle
like a bomb-defusing robot.Copy !req
175. Jerry, your cousin Jeffrey...Copy !req
176. is in a Parks Department
production of The Mikado.Copy !req
177. I want you to come see it with me.Copy !req
178. - Open the package, Leo.
- Okay.Copy !req
179. Opening.Copy !req
180. So it wasn't a bomb?Copy !req
181. No. No bomb.Copy !req
182. - Well, then, what?
- Oh, stupid Leo.Copy !req
183. He was using those oven cleaners.
He left the canister in there.Copy !req
184. The pilot light was on.
The whole thing blew up.Copy !req
185. - But he's okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
186. The explosion singed off
his eyebrows, moustache, everything.Copy !req
187. He's all smooth now.
Looks like a seal.Copy !req
188. Yes. Hi, yeah, I'm still holding.Copy !req
189. Is this my stereo?Copy !req
190. Oh, hey, you got it.Copy !req
191. Hey, what happened to my stereo?
It's all smashed up.Copy !req
192. That's right. Now it looks
like it was broken during shipping...Copy !req
193. and I insured it for $400.Copy !req
194. You were supposed to
get me a refund.Copy !req
195. You can't get a refund.
Your warranty expired two years ago.Copy !req
196. So we're gonna make the post office
pay for my new stereo now?Copy !req
197. - It's a write-off for them.
- How is it a write-off?Copy !req
198. They just write it off.Copy !req
199. Write it off what?Copy !req
200. Jerry, all these big companies,
they write off everything.Copy !req
201. You don't even know
what a write-off is.Copy !req
202. - Do you?
- No, I don't.Copy !req
203. But they do.Copy !req
204. And they're the ones writing it off.Copy !req
205. I wish I had the last 20 seconds
of my life back.Copy !req
206. What? What? He doesn't have
one appointment this whole month?Copy !req
207. Oh, come on. I'm dying here, man.Copy !req
208. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
209. Still no luck?Copy !req
210. Jerry, that was Dr. Zimmerman.
I'm at the end of the alphabet.Copy !req
211. There's no Zorn or Zutroff?Copy !req
212. They're on vacation. Every doctor
in this city seems to know who I am.Copy !req
213. Hey, what about Dr. Resnick?Copy !req
214. My Uncle Leo's
gonna see him tomorrow.Copy !req
215. Dr. Resnick. He's not listed.Copy !req
216. He's not that good.Copy !req
217. Elaine said you were
pretty good at this stuff.Copy !req
218. Oh, yeah. Elaine was a fun project.
I enjoyed working with her.Copy !req
219. - You don't have your own camera?
- No.Copy !req
220. Oh, boy, look at this.Copy !req
221. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
222. This looks good.Copy !req
223. Very, very, good.Copy !req
224. And I like what you're wearing.Copy !req
225. - I feel fat.
- No, no. You're stout.Copy !req
226. The camera loves stoutness.Copy !req
227. Look, we're not gonna do anything
that makes you feel uncomfortable.Copy !req
228. The key word is "tasteful."Copy !req
229. Now, I want to you relax and have fun
because you're a fun guy.Copy !req
230. All right. Let's do it, huh?Copy !req
231. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
232. Okay. Come on. Feel the beat.Copy !req
233. Feel the beat. All right.Copy !req
234. You know, you got real strong pecs,
but it's hard to tell under that T-shirt.Copy !req
235. - You want me to take it off?
- Well, I don't know. It's up to you.Copy !req
236. - It would be better?
- Might be. Whatever you want.Copy !req
237. - All right. Come on.
- Yeah.Copy !req
238. That's it. Come on, George.
That's it. Come on. Give it to me.Copy !req
239. Come on. Work it.
Work it. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
240. Hold it. Hold it.
Yeah, be a man. Be a man.Copy !req
241. Lover boy. You are a lover boy.Copy !req
242. Oh, yeah. This can't miss.Copy !req
243. Hello?Copy !req
244. Is this Elaine Marie Benes?Copy !req
245. Yeah. Who's this?Copy !req
246. We're with the American Medical
Association, the AMA.Copy !req
247. Can you confirm the correct spelling
of your last name?Copy !req
248. Is it B-E-N-E-S?Copy !req
249. Yeah. What is this about?Copy !req
250. Goodbye.Copy !req
251. Hello?Copy !req
252. - Hello?
- What?Copy !req
253. Get off the line.
We're trying to mak e another call.Copy !req
254. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
255. Elaine. Hello.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
256. - Has the doctor been in yet?
- No, I'll ask him about my eyebrows.Copy !req
257. Okay. Listen, Leo.
You're hairless, you're scared.Copy !req
258. When the doctor comes in, you just
let me do the talking, okay? Okay.Copy !req
259. Leo. I understand
you had a little mishap.Copy !req
260. It was a fireball.Copy !req
261. I never should have left him alone.Copy !req
262. - And who are you?
- I'm his nurse. Paloma.Copy !req
263. You're not my nurse.Copy !req
264. He has good days and bad.Copy !req
265. What seems to be the problem?Copy !req
266. - Are my eyebrows gonna grow back?
- And he seems to have a bit of a rash.Copy !req
267. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
268. Well, there's been a bit of that
going around lately.Copy !req
269. Will you excuse me
a minute, Paloma?Copy !req
270. I'm just going to get some ointment.Copy !req
271. I don't like this. This is too easy.Copy !req
272. - Elaine—
- Shut up. I think he's onto us.Copy !req
273. Elaine, what about my eyebrows?Copy !req
274. Here. Here.Copy !req
275. I don't like this, Kramer.Copy !req
276. Will it be much longer?Copy !req
277. I'm sorry. It looks like the claim
has been red-flagged.Copy !req
278. You're under investigation.Copy !req
279. - lnvestigation?
- Hello, Jerry.Copy !req
280. Hello, Newman.Copy !req
281. Kramer, you might as well
run along.Copy !req
282. Jerry may be a while.Copy !req
283. Suspicion of mail fraud.Copy !req
284. Mail fraud?Copy !req
285. You're in a lot of trouble, buddy.Copy !req
286. Okay, I've got your ointment.
Where's your—Copy !req
287. - Where's your nurse?
- She left.Copy !req
288. Whoa, whoa, no need to get angry.Copy !req
289. - Calm down.
- I am calm.Copy !req
290. Leo, I don't care for your demeanour.Copy !req
291. Demeanour?Copy !req
292. Now you're just being difficult.Copy !req
293. What are you writing?Copy !req
294. So I really liked the pictures
I picked up here yesterday.Copy !req
295. I'm glad, George.Copy !req
296. And here's a little roll...Copy !req
297. that I think you may enjoy.Copy !req
298. Great.Copy !req
299. Shall we say an hour?Copy !req
300. I gotta go to lunch.
Could you do a roll?Copy !req
301. No problem.Copy !req
302. By the way, you know that model
who's always in here?Copy !req
303. She's missing
one of her lingerie shots.Copy !req
304. - Have you seen it?
- No.Copy !req
305. All right. All right.Copy !req
306. Then let me ask you this:Copy !req
307. Don't you find it interesting
that your friend had the foresight...Copy !req
308. to purchase postal insurance
for your stereo? Huh?Copy !req
309. I mean, parcels are rarely
damaged during shipping.Copy !req
310. - Define " rarely."
- Frequently.Copy !req
311. Are we about through here, Newman?Copy !req
312. It's pretty hot
under these lights, huh, Seinfeld?Copy !req
313. Pretty hot.Copy !req
314. Actually, I'm quite comfortable.Copy !req
315. - Can I have a sip?
- No.Copy !req
316. Not gonna play ball, huh?Copy !req
317. All right. Admit it.Copy !req
318. That stereo was already busted.Copy !req
319. You can't prove anything.Copy !req
320. Is this or is this not your signature?Copy !req
321. No, as a matter of fact, it isn't.Copy !req
322. " Uncle Leo"?Copy !req
323. This case is closed
pending further evidence.Copy !req
324. Jerry!Copy !req
325. Get in there, get the chart,
and get out. You got it?Copy !req
326. No problem.
Let me borrow your scarf.Copy !req
327. - What? This?
- Yeah. It's nice. Yeah.Copy !req
328. - Here.
- Yeah. All right.Copy !req
329. - One chart coming up.
- Okay.Copy !req
330. It's Bennett, right?Copy !req
331. It's Benes, you jackass.Copy !req
332. My last name is Benes.Copy !req
333. Yeah.Copy !req
334. Jerry. Jerry.Copy !req
335. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry.Copy !req
336. Jerry. Jerry?Copy !req
337. Jerry.Copy !req
338. So I like what you've done there.Copy !req
339. - May I help you?
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
340. I'm Dr. Van Nostrund
from the clinic.Copy !req
341. I'm gonna need Elaine Benes' chart.Copy !req
342. She's a patient of mine.Copy !req
343. I don't think she's gonna make it.
It's very bad.Copy !req
344. Very, very messy.Copy !req
345. I see. And what clinic is that again?Copy !req
346. That's correct.Copy !req
347. - Excuse me?
- From the Hoffermandorf Neo Clinic...Copy !req
348. - ... in Belgium.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
349. The Netherlands?Copy !req
350. - Where's my chart? Did you get it?
- No.Copy !req
351. - What happened?
- I don't know.Copy !req
352. Now they got a chart on me.Copy !req
353. I don't know where they could be.Copy !req
354. You can't find them.Copy !req
355. That's marvellous.Copy !req
356. The dance continues.Copy !req
357. Well, if I find them I'll call you.Copy !req
358. Great. And maybe we could
go out and do something.Copy !req
359. Sure.Copy !req
360. Hello.Copy !req
361. Hi.Copy !req
362. - So the little guy finally asked me out.
- Really?Copy !req
363. Hey, I can't find
his photos anywhere.Copy !req
364. You know, some guy from
the post office confiscated them.Copy !req
365. He left his card.Copy !req
366. I don't know what Newman
wanted me for.Copy !req
367. Gentlemen. Gentlemen.Copy !req
368. I'm so happy to see you both.Copy !req
369. There's just some inconsistencies
I'd like to straighten out.Copy !req
370. - I'm clean, Newman, and you know it.
- Clean? Hardly.Copy !req
371. This doesn't look like a man...Copy !req
372. who's happy with his stereo
performance, now, does it?Copy !req
373. - Where did you get that?
- That's mine.Copy !req
374. Looks like you're breaking into it
like an otter cracks open a clam.Copy !req
375. Don't know about that,
but there's an explanation.Copy !req
376. Yes. It's called "mail fraud."Copy !req
377. How I've longed
for this moment, Seinfeld.Copy !req
378. The day I would have
the proof I needed...Copy !req
379. to haul you out of your cushy lair...Copy !req
380. and expose you to the light of justice
as the monster that you are.Copy !req
381. - A monster so vile—
- Newman!Copy !req
382. There'll be a small fine.Copy !req
383. Okay.Copy !req
384. - Can we go now?
- Not so fast, pretty boy.Copy !req
385. There's more to this
sordid little affair.Copy !req
386. Oh, my God.Copy !req
387. This photo clearly indicates
your involvement...Copy !req
388. in some ill-conceived
mail-order pornography ring.Copy !req
389. As does this one,
found in the same disturbing packet.Copy !req
390. Oh, my God!Copy !req
391. We have a few questions
we'd like you to answer.Copy !req
392. I have a few questions of my own.Copy !req
393. Hi. One of your mailmen—Copy !req
394. Oh, my God. George.Copy !req
395. Well, Sheila, it's not what you think.Copy !req
396. I put my trust in the wrong person.Copy !req
397. He said the key word was "tasteful."Copy !req
398. The timeless art of seduction.Copy !req
399. Oh, gee.Copy !req
400. That wasn't such a long drive.Copy !req
401. The dirt road really hurt my back.Copy !req
402. Okay, please,
everybody just stop complaining.Copy !req
403. Smile. We're good patients.Copy !req
404. Okay, Miss Benes,
you wanna come on back?Copy !req
405. - Oh, I'd love to.
- Oh, just a second.Copy !req
406. - Okay.
- Hello.Copy !req
407. Yes.Copy !req
408. Well, as a matter of fact,
they're here right now.Copy !req
409. I understand.Copy !req