1. You know that manslaughter
is the least serious murder charge?Copy !req
2. - You don't say.
- Manslaughter.Copy !req
3. Literally, the slaughter of a man.Copy !req
4. - Sounds brutal, doesn't it?
- Heinous.Copy !req
5. Yet it's the most socially acceptable
form of murder.Copy !req
6. So you think we should
change the name.Copy !req
7. Yes, I do. How about
"inadvertent life-ending"?Copy !req
8. "Unintentional snuff-out."Copy !req
9. How about
"I can't believe it's not murder"?Copy !req
10. Oh, boy, I was up till 4 in the morning
watching that Omen trilogy.Copy !req
11. - That's good stuff.
- The devil? Forget about it.Copy !req
12. Well, he was the devil's son, right?Copy !req
13. - I thought he was the devil's helper.
- He's pretty scary for a helper.Copy !req
14. I can't keep doing this to myself.
I'm exhausted.Copy !req
15. Can't you grab a nap at work?Copy !req
16. Not with that big glass window
looking out onto the hall.Copy !req
17. And I love a good nap.Copy !req
18. Sometimes it's the only thing
getting me out of bed.Copy !req
19. - I'll see you.
- Bye.Copy !req
20. - So, what are you doing now?
- Gonna take a stroll through the park.Copy !req
21. With a gentleman caller?Copy !req
22. Yes, his name is Hal.Copy !req
23. The walking date's good.
You don't have to look at the person.Copy !req
24. Hey, it's the next best thing
to being alone.Copy !req
25. - Hey, hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
26. - Shower?
- Oh, pool.Copy !req
27. I just swam 200 laps.Copy !req
28. You are kidding.Copy !req
29. Yeah, look at those babies, huh?
They're prunes.Copy !req
30. You know, I saw Conrad
going up to your place.Copy !req
31. Oh, yeah, that's right. Those new
kitchen cabinets. How's that coming?Copy !req
32. Slow. I gotta hold this guy's hand
on every decision.Copy !req
33. Hey, Kramer, listen.
You've seen The Omen, right?Copy !req
34. What exactly was that kid?Copy !req
35. Oh, Damien?Copy !req
36. Nothing, just a mischievous,
rambunctious kid.Copy !req
37. George, have you seen
that American League directory?Copy !req
38. It's a big green book.Copy !req
39. - Right here.
- Thanks, kiddo.Copy !req
40. You know Twinkies aren't cooked?Copy !req
41. It looks cooked.
It's dark on the bottom.Copy !req
42. That's just the way it is.
It's a substance.Copy !req
43. Well, I don't care. They're delicious.Copy !req
44. - You wanna sit down?
- Oh, I don't sit on park benches.Copy !req
45. - They're very bad for the back.
- Really?Copy !req
46. I threw my back out 15 years ago.
Ever since, I've been careful.Copy !req
47. I buy my furniture
at an ergonomic store.Copy !req
48. Oh, those places
have the stupidest names.Copy !req
49. Like... Like Back in Business...Copy !req
50. or Good Vertebrations.Copy !req
51. Not this one.
It's called the Lumbar Yard.Copy !req
52. Hey, Jerry.
Jerry, are you okay with this hinge?Copy !req
53. - Yeah.
- I can get you any kind you want.Copy !req
54. Four holes, two holes,
bronze, no hinge at all.Copy !req
55. You know, why don't we just go
with the one in your hand?Copy !req
56. - Well, these are different.
- Drop one.Copy !req
57. Left.Copy !req
58. Jerry, look at my eyes.Copy !req
59. A little less beady today.Copy !req
60. Because I'm refreshed.Copy !req
61. I finally found a way
to sleep in my office.Copy !req
62. Under the desk, huh?Copy !req
63. I lie on my back, I tuck in the chair,
I'm invisible.Copy !req
64. Sounds like a cool fort.Copy !req
65. Hey, Jerry, do you want
a flat edge on this molding...Copy !req
66. or do you want me to bevel it?Copy !req
67. - I'll tell you what I'd like to do with it.
- Hey, Conrad, is it?Copy !req
68. Conrad, Connie or Con.
Whatever you prefer.Copy !req
69. Let me ask you a question.Copy !req
70. Could you expand
the space underneath a desk...Copy !req
71. you know, give it
a little more headroom?Copy !req
72. George, he's kind of tied up here.Copy !req
73. What? It would have to be
a night job.Copy !req
74. - You normally work after dinner?
- There is no normal.Copy !req
75. Whatever Jerry wants.
He wants me here late, I'm late.Copy !req
76. He wants me early, I'm early.Copy !req
77. You know, why don't you just work
on George's project for a while.Copy !req
78. Whatever you want.Copy !req
79. So how was Wednesday
in the park with Hal?Copy !req
80. It was okay. He's coming over later
to watch a movie.Copy !req
81. Hey, listen,
what's better for your back:Copy !req
82. The couch cushions
or a folding chair?Copy !req
83. I don't know.Copy !req
84. Maybe we'll just stand
and watch the TV.Copy !req
85. I gotta go. Somebody's at my door.Copy !req
86. - Yeah?
- Delivery.Copy !req
87. - Elaine Benes?
- Yeah.Copy !req
88. We're from the Lumbar Yard.
Got your mattress.Copy !req
89. Mattress?
I didn't order a mattress.Copy !req
90. Who sent this?Copy !req
91. "Hal Kitzmiller"?Copy !req
92. You think it might be possible to add
a little shelf, like, for an alarm clock?Copy !req
93. What, about maybe that big?Copy !req
94. - I don't know, like this?
- Like that?Copy !req
95. - Like that.
- I can do that.Copy !req
96. Great.Copy !req
97. You know, this could sound crazy...Copy !req
98. but what do you think about adding
a drawer for, like, a blanket?Copy !req
99. - Blanket or a quilt?
- Blanket.Copy !req
100. - About that thick?
- Maybe like this.Copy !req
101. - Like that?
- Like that.Copy !req
102. - If that's what you want.
- That's what I want.Copy !req
103. Hey, George, do you want
this cup holder...?Copy !req
104. Want it mounted on the left,
the right, the middle?Copy !req
105. Whatever.Copy !req
106. This is unbelievable.Copy !req
107. This is better than my bed at home.Copy !req
108. All right. It's been a long night.Copy !req
109. You go home and get some sleep.Copy !req
110. - If that's what you want.
- That's what I want.Copy !req
111. - Morning, George.
- Morning, Mr. Wilhelm.Copy !req
112. - I got pool problems, Jerry.
- What happened?Copy !req
113. Well, I had been swimming
for three hours...Copy !req
114. and I was in a real groove,
so I decided to keep going.Copy !req
115. But at 10, they start the aquacise.Copy !req
116. Thirty-five geriatrics
throwing elbows.Copy !req
117. It was like I was swimming through
a flabby-armed spanking machine.Copy !req
118. - Well, how long did that last?
- Half-hour. Then diving class started.Copy !req
119. Well, that got a little messy.Copy !req
120. I gotta find a new place to swim...Copy !req
121. because that pool
can't hold me, Jerry.Copy !req
122. - How was the movie?
- I cancelled.Copy !req
123. Hal sent a mattress
to my apartment.Copy !req
124. - The nerve of that guy.
- Why?Copy !req
125. He's got a back problem.Copy !req
126. So you think he was expecting
a roll in the supportive hay?Copy !req
127. After one date.Copy !req
128. - What's that guy's last name again?
- Kitzmiller.Copy !req
129. Oh, that's right.Copy !req
130. What are you gonna do
with the mattress?Copy !req
131. I don't know, chuck it?Copy !req
132. Oh, wait, no, no, no. I'll take it.Copy !req
133. Yeah, come over.
See if it'll fit in my bedroom.Copy !req
134. - Oh, all right.
- Yeah, my old one sprung a leak.Copy !req
135. - You have a waterbed?
- Sand.Copy !req
136. It's like sleeping on a beach.Copy !req
137. - Hey.
- Hi, Con.Copy !req
138. Jerry, I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
139. George and I,
we've been up all night long.Copy !req
140. I can make up the time to you
any number of ways.Copy !req
141. How about this?
Finish this thing up today.Copy !req
142. - Couple questions for you.
- No, no more questions.Copy !req
143. Just figure it out for yourself
and get it done.Copy !req
144. All right, Jerry, but I can figure it out
by myself any way you want.Copy !req
145. Just do it.Copy !req
146. Costanza. Where's Costanza?Copy !req
147. Have you seen Costanza?Copy !req
148. I've seen him around.Copy !req
149. He was humming this song yesterday.
I can't seem to get it out of my head.Copy !req
150. I gotta know the name of that.Copy !req
151. She's a heartbreaker
A love-takerCopy !req
152. Brubaker run this prison like a manCopy !req
153. Something like that.
Very catchy tune. Very, very catchy.Copy !req
154. Well, you know what? I'm gonna
sit here and wait for that guy.Copy !req
155. What is this, People?Copy !req
156. "The Most Beautiful People"
People.Copy !req
157. Connie Sellecca.
Nothing wrong that, huh?Copy !req
158. Elaine, you're taking this
the wrong way.Copy !req
159. That's not what I intended.Copy !req
160. Well, what did you intend, Hal?Copy !req
161. I just wanted you to have the comfort
and support you deserve.Copy !req
162. That's why I had the mattress
custom designed for you.Copy !req
163. Custom designed?Copy !req
164. They adjust the foam density and
the spring tension to your body type.Copy !req
165. I estimated your height and weight:
5'8", about 110 pounds?Copy !req
166. Oh, that is the nicest thing
anyone has ever done for me.Copy !req
167. - So you do like the mattress?
- I love it.Copy !req
168. I'm glad I kept it.Copy !req
169. Over there, that's Brooklyn.Copy !req
170. That's where Spike Lee lives.Copy !req
171. Hey, there's a man
swimming in the water.Copy !req
172. No, that's probably
just a dead body, son.Copy !req
173. You see, when the mob kills someone,
they throw the body in the river.Copy !req
174. Hey, Jerr.Copy !req
175. - Hey, buddy.
- Hey.Copy !req
176. Well, my swimming pool
problems are solved.Copy !req
177. I just found myself
miles and miles of open lanes.Copy !req
178. - What is that smell?
- That's East River.Copy !req
179. - You're swimming in the East River?
- Yeah.Copy !req
180. The most heavily-trafficked...Copy !req
181. overly-contaminated waterway
on the Eastern Seaboard?Copy !req
182. Technically, Norfolk
has more gross tonnage.Copy !req
183. How could you swim in that water?Copy !req
184. I saw a couple of other guys
out there.Copy !req
185. - Swimming?
- Well, floating.Copy !req
186. They weren't moving much,
but they were out there.Copy !req
187. Hey, Kramer. It's Elaine.Copy !req
188. Thanks for bringing
my mattress back...Copy !req
189. and I guess I'll just get
my spare key from you whenever.Copy !req
190. All right. Bye.Copy !req
191. Oh, this is a good mattress.Copy !req
192. Where is this guy? I've been waiting
for three and a half hours.Copy !req
193. Should I go? No way, Jack.Copy !req
194. I'm not humming it
at the record store again.Copy !req
195. - Mr. Steinbrenner?
- That's what they call me.Copy !req
196. - Your grandchildren are here.
- Oh, well, send them in.Copy !req
197. - Send the tykes in.
- Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa.Copy !req
198. Hey, you little kids.Copy !req
199. Who are you people?
Come here. Come here.Copy !req
200. How about a ride on
the Stein-pony express? Get up here.Copy !req
201. What's your name, shorty?
Mel? Are you Mel?Copy !req
202. - Hello.
- Jerry, Jerry.Copy !req
203. I'm trapped under my desk.
Steinbrenner's in the room.Copy !req
204. - You gotta help me.
- Who is this?Copy !req
205. - Jerry.
- Hi.Copy !req
206. Go away. Bye-bye. Get away.Copy !req
207. - Hi, I'm Brian.
- Beat it, Brian. Beat it. Beat it.Copy !req
208. Why don't you
just have him paged?Copy !req
209. They'll see the extension's
coming from my...Copy !req
210. Back off. Come on.Copy !req
211. Would you do something?Copy !req
212. Call in a bomb threat.Copy !req
213. A bomb threat? Why would I
call in a bomb threat?Copy !req
214. Just call.Copy !req
215. - I think I should have some reason.
- Jerry!Copy !req
216. You kids are up on all the new tunes.
Tell me if this rings a bell:Copy !req
217. Heartbreaker Love-takerCopy !req
218. Shoemaker
Won't you fix my shoes for free?Copy !req
219. Anything? Shorty? Girl?Copy !req
220. Mr. Steinbrenner, we received a call.
There's a bomb in the building.Copy !req
221. - Thank God.
- A bomb in the building?Copy !req
222. Oh, my God. Quick,
everybody under the desk.Copy !req
223. Can you imagine
what went through my mind...Copy !req
224. when I saw there wasn't room
under that desk...Copy !req
225. for me and my babies?Copy !req
226. - I'm sorry, sir.
- You know what I think?Copy !req
227. - I think you knew about that bomb.
- What?Copy !req
228. You had a premonition
about the bomb.Copy !req
229. You climbed under that desk
because you have ESP.Copy !req
230. Quick, George,
put a thought in my mind.Copy !req
231. Meatballs, huh? Unbelievable.
You're a wonder, George.Copy !req
232. Anyway, this terrorist
had a very specific demand.Copy !req
233. No more cheap adjustable hats
for Hat Day.Copy !req
234. He wants fitted hats
just like the players wear.Copy !req
235. - Jerry. Jerry.
- Yeah.Copy !req
236. What the hell is this?Copy !req
237. - Where are you?
- Over here.Copy !req
238. You can see right through here.Copy !req
239. What is this? It's like you're selling
movie tickets back here.Copy !req
240. I think it's kind of cozy.Copy !req
241. All right. You are not gonna believe
what Kramer did to my mattress.Copy !req
242. I can't... I can't talk to you like this.Copy !req
243. So Kramer completely
funked up my mattress.Copy !req
244. Does it smell like the East River?Copy !req
245. Yes, it does. How did you know?Copy !req
246. Kramer's been swimming laps
between the Queensboro Bridge...Copy !req
247. - and the Brooklyn Bridge.
- Oh, great!Copy !req
248. Oh, man,
I'm on the wrong floor again.Copy !req
249. Hey.Copy !req
250. Thanks for ruining my mattress.
It reeks.Copy !req
251. Hey, you know what I think it is?
I think it's that East River.Copy !req
252. I think it might be polluted.Copy !req
253. Well, you really did it to me
this time, Seinfeld.Copy !req
254. What the hell happened here?Copy !req
255. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
256. - Look how obtrusive it is.
- It is obtrusive, isn't it?Copy !req
257. - It's very obtrusive.
- I don't think it's that bad.Copy !req
258. - Well, can I get a stool in here?
- No, the stools go over there.Copy !req
259. No, no, no, that's no good.
I'm leaving.Copy !req
260. Yeah, I'm with stinky.
I'm going back to my place.Copy !req
261. Fitted Hat Day? That's what
you asked Steinbrenner for?Copy !req
262. Hey, they're actually
doing the fitted hats? Cool.Copy !req
263. Guess who he put in charge
of Fitted Hat Day. Me.Copy !req
264. - Hey, look at you.
- Yeah, look at me.Copy !req
265. Now, I gotta figure out the different
head sizes of 59,000 different people.Copy !req
266. What if a pinhead shows up?
I gotta be on top of that.Copy !req
267. No knockoffs. I want the ones
like the real players wear.Copy !req
268. Forget the fitted hats!
I'm not doing it!Copy !req
269. And you're gonna call Steinbrenner
back and cancel the whole thing!Copy !req
270. - Could you at least get a hat for me?
- Fine. What size?Copy !req
271. - Seven and five-eighths.
- Seven and five-eighths!Copy !req
272. - Why are you shouting?
- I don't know! It's this place.Copy !req
273. I'm very uncomfortable here.Copy !req
274. So you're liking the mattress?Copy !req
275. Oh, I'm loving it.Copy !req
276. You know, we should...Copy !req
277. get going.Copy !req
278. - What is that smell?
- What smell?Copy !req
279. - I think it's the mattress.
- Did something happen to it?Copy !req
280. No, no. Oh, you know what that is?Copy !req
281. I went clamming the other day
and I forgot to hose off my boots.Copy !req
282. - Clamming?
- Yeah, I clam and scallop.Copy !req
283. I clam and scallop.Copy !req
284. Yes, yes, come in. Come in.Copy !req
285. Sir, I just got a call
from the terrorist.Copy !req
286. I told him to call here,
if you have a moment.Copy !req
287. Costanza, let me ask you something.
Is it "Fe-bru-ary" or "Feb-uary"?Copy !req
288. Because I prefer "uary,"
and what is this rule?Copy !req
289. Let me put that
on speaker phone for you, sir.Copy !req
290. - Hello, bomber?
- Yeah, this is the terrorist bomber.Copy !req
291. You know, Costanza
is busting his hump on those hats.Copy !req
292. Yeah, you know, about those hats,
I think maybe I changed my mind.Copy !req
293. You don't want them?
They're gone. Goodbye.Copy !req
294. - Good thinking, sir.
- Now, what do you want instead?Copy !req
295. - What?
- Well, you're the terrorist.Copy !req
296. You gotta want something.Copy !req
297. It would be nice
if you called ticket-holders...Copy !req
298. if a game is
gonna be rained out.Copy !req
299. All right, George,
you can handle that.Copy !req
300. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
301. We have to stand tough. That's why
I had to hang up the phone.Copy !req
302. When someone's unstable,
don't stir the pot.Copy !req
303. Know what I'm gonna do? Run around
the stadium, closing windows.Copy !req
304. That's what I'm doing, pal.Copy !req
305. And I'll tell you something else:
I am very nervous!Copy !req
306. I liked that stuffed-crust pizza,
cheese-in-crust pizza.Copy !req
307. - It's just more cheese.
- Let me tell you something.Copy !req
308. It'll be years before they find another
place to hide cheese on a pizza.Copy !req
309. - Kramer.
- Oh, hey.Copy !req
310. Hi. Oh, this is Hal.Copy !req
311. Hal, Kramer. Kramer, Hal.Copy !req
312. Hal...Copy !req
313. Langerhans.Copy !req
314. - Kitzmiller.
- Yeah, Kitzmiller.Copy !req
315. - That's right.
- You taking a dip?Copy !req
316. - Oh, I'm dipping.
- That smell?Copy !req
317. Well, listen I gotta get to the pier.Copy !req
318. Ferry traffic gets really bad
around 4:30, but...Copy !req
319. Look, I still got your key
to your apartment...Copy !req
320. and I'll give it back to you
as soon as I can.Copy !req
321. Baby.Copy !req
322. Lunch.Copy !req
323. - Kramer.
- Hey.Copy !req
324. - Can I talk to you a minute?
- Yeah, sure, sure.Copy !req
325. - Oh, boy.
- Kitzmiller.Copy !req
326. That's it.Copy !req
327. - You and Elaine are pretty close.
- Oh, we go back a ways.Copy !req
328. And you've...Copy !req
329. How do I put this?Copy !req
330. - You've been in her bed.
- That's right.Copy !req
331. But this isn't still going on?Copy !req
332. No, no, no, she put a stop to that.Copy !req
333. That's all I needed to know.Copy !req
334. So you actually swim in this thing?Copy !req
335. Oh, yeah. Exercises
every muscle in the body.Copy !req
336. It's great for the back.Copy !req
337. Great for the back. Right.Copy !req
338. Four hours in this chop,
and I'm a full inch taller.Copy !req
339. Giddyup.Copy !req
340. Heartbreaker BrubakerCopy !req
341. Hey, hey, George,
I remember that tune. George?Copy !req
342. George?Copy !req
343. What's that ticking?Copy !req
344. Fire in the hole!Copy !req
345. I can't believe the Lumbar Yard
wouldn't pick this up.Copy !req
346. Okay.Copy !req
347. - You want it back the way it was?
- Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
348. You know, I don't get you, Seinfeld.Copy !req
349. You want something one day.
The next day you don't like it.Copy !req
350. I mean, come on, man.
Make a decision.Copy !req
351. One second.Copy !req
352. - Hello.
- Jerry, you gotta help me.Copy !req
353. I threw my back out.Copy !req
354. So just lie down.Copy !req
355. I am lying down.Copy !req
356. I am trapped
under a funky mattress.Copy !req
357. You gotta go get a doctor...Copy !req
358. or at least come over
and roll this thing off of me.Copy !req
359. All right. I'll be right there.Copy !req
360. Conrad, I gotta go.Copy !req
361. Stay, go. Whatever.Copy !req
362. - Hey, Kramer.
- What's going on?Copy !req
363. I told my chiropractor how swimming
in the river made my back feel.Copy !req
364. He recommended it
to all his patients.Copy !req
365. Step aside.Copy !req
366. He just sunk like a stone, didn't he?Copy !req
367. - Sir, I'm sure it's not a bomb.
- Don't be so brave, George.Copy !req
368. You mess with them.
They're messing with you.Copy !req
369. All right, boys, send it in.Copy !req
370. Wait. What's that thing
straight ahead?Copy !req
371. Is that's anything? Is that Mothra?Copy !req
372. Let's check the desk.
That's where I heard the ticking.Copy !req
373. Search each of those drawers,
starting with the top one.Copy !req
374. It's just empty calories
and male curiosity, eh, Georgie?Copy !req
375. Looks like there's more
compartments underneath.Copy !req
376. Compartments underneath?
Probably where it is.Copy !req
377. Okay, boys, let it rip.Copy !req
378. I'll tell you what,
starting tomorrow, no more desks.Copy !req
379. Just a Lucite table and four legs.Copy !req
380. Hey! Hey, watch where you're kicking!Copy !req
381. You people find your own river!Copy !req
382. - Jeez!
- I'm so sor...Copy !req
383. - Kramer.
- Elaine.Copy !req
384. Hi. I am loving this.Copy !req
385. Hey, I'll meet you at the coffee shop.Copy !req
386. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
387. Hey, Connie. Jerry around?Copy !req
388. No, and I prefer Conrad.Copy !req
389. So I heard what happened
to the desk.Copy !req
390. There was something so reassuring
about that cozy little space.Copy !req
391. Yeah, well, whatever. See you.Copy !req
392. Back to normal.Copy !req
393. Not bad for 4000 bucks.Copy !req
394. Can't believe I got the low-fat.Copy !req