1. You know at the movies they show
that ad for the concessions?Copy !req
2. Where the cartoon candy's dancing
and the Milk Dud's playing the banjo?Copy !req
3. - Oh, he's wailing on that banjo.
- Yeah.Copy !req
4. I just don't understand
the Raisinets.Copy !req
5. - The sax player? Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
6. The box of Raisinets runs
up to the concession stand...Copy !req
7. buys another box of Raisinets.Copy !req
8. - So?
- Box of Raisinets eating...Copy !req
9. another box of Raisinets?Copy !req
10. It's perverse.Copy !req
11. He's not gonna eat them.Copy !req
12. He's buying them
for his Pepsi girlfriend.Copy !req
13. And why is he dating a Pepsi?
They're not having children.Copy !req
14. They're musicians.Copy !req
15. Musicians.Copy !req
16. Get a real job.Copy !req
17. - What do you want?
- I've had everything on the menu.Copy !req
18. Surprise me.Copy !req
19. Neil, Neil.Copy !req
20. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to
meet my boyfriend here.Copy !req
21. He looks just like you.Copy !req
22. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
23. - Like me?
- Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
24. Like me?Copy !req
25. But how?Copy !req
26. Here's your halibut omelet.Copy !req
27. - Surprised?
- Yes. Yes, I am.Copy !req
28. Look what I got for you
for your Florida trip.Copy !req
29. Crazy Shirts was closing them out.
I got a dozen for a buck.Copy !req
30. I saved a fortune. Look at that.Copy !req
31. There you go.Copy !req
32. - "Number-one dad."
- Yeah.Copy !req
33. And it's a medium. Perfect.Copy !req
34. - Hey. Hey. You ready?
- Almost.Copy !req
35. Look, when you're
in Florida, can my cigar guy...Copy !req
36. drop off some Cubans
for me at your parents'?Copy !req
37. I'm helping my parents
move into their new condo.Copy !req
38. - I'm gonna be busy.
- Oh, come on, man, help a brother out.Copy !req
39. - All right.
- Yeah. I owe you one.Copy !req
40. We're even.Copy !req
41. Hey, Jerry, figure this out.Copy !req
42. I'm in the coffee shop...Copy !req
43. and this beautiful girl
I could never even talk to...Copy !req
44. mistakes me for her boyfriend.Copy !req
45. That's a nice four seconds.Copy !req
46. I look just like him. I, me, this.Copy !req
47. This is what her boyfriend looks like.
How is that possible?Copy !req
48. - Maybe he has money.
- Maybe he doesn't.Copy !req
49. Maybe he and I are
exactly the same...Copy !req
50. except for one minor
yet crucial detail.Copy !req
51. - You never know.
- Sometimes you do.Copy !req
52. Maybe it's some...
Some small thing I could change.Copy !req
53. Like a mustache
or wearing a top hat...Copy !req
54. or a monocle or a cane.Copy !req
55. Who's she dating? Mr. Peanut?Copy !req
56. You could do a lot worse than
Mr. Peanut, my friend.Copy !req
57. So, what do you want to see?Copy !req
58. How about Sack Lunch?Copy !req
59. How about The English Patient?
It's up for all those Oscars.Copy !req
60. Come on, Blaine, I mean,
look at the poster for Sack Lunch.Copy !req
61. It's a family in a brown paper bag.Copy !req
62. Don't you wanna know
how they got in there?Copy !req
63. No.Copy !req
64. - Oh, sold out.
- Oh, two for The English Patient.Copy !req
65. So do you think they got shrunk down,
or is it just a giant sack?Copy !req
66. Hi, remember me?Copy !req
67. I'm the guy that looks like Neil.Copy !req
68. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
69. Is Neil here?Copy !req
70. Oh, no, he got held up at work.Copy !req
71. Oh, that's too bad.
I wanted to meet him...Copy !req
72. seeing as we look so similar.Copy !req
73. Well, you know, you don't look
that much like him.Copy !req
74. - Of course not.
- No, you're a little taller.Copy !req
75. You look like you're in better shape
than Neil. Do you work out?Copy !req
76. Listen, I... I don't mean
to seem forward...Copy !req
77. but is there any way
that I could possibly...Copy !req
78. have Neil's phone number?Copy !req
79. What is everyone talking about:Copy !req
80. "The English Patient,
it's so romantic"?Copy !req
81. God, that movie stunk.Copy !req
82. I kind of liked it.Copy !req
83. No, you didn't.Copy !req
84. Elaine, Blaine, did you just see
The English Patient?Copy !req
85. Didn't you love it?Copy !req
86. - No.
- How could you not love that movie?Copy !req
87. How about, it sucked.Copy !req
88. That Ralph Fiennes. I would give up
my firstborn for him.Copy !req
89. He's getting the short end
of that stick.Copy !req
90. Jerry, this is Del Boca Vista's
new physical fitness room.Copy !req
91. They got medicine balls.
You can bike ride.Copy !req
92. - Anything you want.
- StairMaster?Copy !req
93. - What?
- Nothing.Copy !req
94. - See what I'm wearing?
- Oh, did you get that out of my bag?Copy !req
95. No, your mother found it.Copy !req
96. Son, this is the most wonderful...Copy !req
97. and thoughtful thing
you've ever done for me.Copy !req
98. You know, I bought you
a Cadillac. Twice.Copy !req
99. Oh, here he is.Copy !req
100. This is the man I wanted you to see.Copy !req
101. Izzy Mandelbaum.
He's 80 years old but strong as an ox.Copy !req
102. Watch this.Copy !req
103. See that? You couldn't do that.Copy !req
104. I could. I choose not to.Copy !req
105. Hey, Morty, who's this?Copy !req
106. This is my son, Jerry,
from New York.Copy !req
107. - He thinks he can lift more than Izzy.
- I didn't say that.Copy !req
108. Hey, Izzy, this kid says he can
lift more than you can.Copy !req
109. Hey, your kid's pretty funny, Morty.
He should be a comedian.Copy !req
110. - Actually, I am a comedian.
- That's not so funny.Copy !req
111. Think you're better than me, huh?Copy !req
112. Izzy used to work out
with Charles Atlas in the '50s.Copy !req
113. 1850s?Copy !req
114. Well, that's it. It's go time.
Let's see you lift that.Copy !req
115. - Mr. Mandelbaum...
- Come on.Copy !req
116. - Pump it.
- All right.Copy !req
117. Wrong attitude. You're not bringing
that trash into my house.Copy !req
118. There. All right?Copy !req
119. Step aside, string bean.Copy !req
120. I'll show you.Copy !req
121. I'm gonna take it up a notch.Copy !req
122. My back.Copy !req
123. Somebody call an ambulance.Copy !req
124. There's already an ambulance here
for Mrs. Glickman.Copy !req
125. There's room for one more.Copy !req
126. Hey, one for Sack Lunch.
It's good, right?Copy !req
127. Yeah, good.Copy !req
128. Hey, what are you guys doing here?Copy !req
129. We just saw
The English Patient again.Copy !req
130. It's even better the second time.Copy !req
131. They make it longer?Copy !req
132. Forgot my umbrella.Copy !req
133. - Blaine.
- Elaine.Copy !req
134. You said you were busy tonight.Copy !req
135. To tell you the truth, Elaine.Copy !req
136. I don't know if I can be with someone
who doesn't like The English Patient.Copy !req
137. It's just a stupid movie.Copy !req
138. - That's what I'm talking about.
- Come on, Blaine.Copy !req
139. Let's go.Copy !req
140. Enjoy Sack Lunch.Copy !req
141. I will.Copy !req
142. How could you do that
to Mr. Mandelbaum?Copy !req
143. - You should be ashamed of yourself.
- He egged me on.Copy !req
144. - You should be more mature.
- He's 80.Copy !req
145. Okay. Tomorrow Jerry and I
will visit Izzy and apologize.Copy !req
146. - Now, good night.
- You're not sleeping in that shirt.Copy !req
147. It's too tight.Copy !req
148. - This shirt will never leave my body.
- Good night.Copy !req
149. All right, 7:30,
got the place to myself.Copy !req
150. - Jerry Seinfeld, please.
- You must be Kramer's guys.Copy !req
151. - Come on in. You got the cigars?
- What cigars?Copy !req
152. Kramer said to bring him
some Cubans.Copy !req
153. We are the Cubans.Copy !req
154. Yeah, hello, Jerry's place.Copy !req
155. They're real Cubans?Copy !req
156. They're human beings from Cuba?Copy !req
157. I said Cubans.
What did you think I meant?Copy !req
158. Cigars.Copy !req
159. Jerry, Cuban cigars
are illegal in this country.Copy !req
160. - That's why I got these guys.
- You're making your own cigars now?Copy !req
161. Yeah, I got investors all lined up.Copy !req
162. Hold on a second. Hi, Dad.Copy !req
163. - Who are they?
- They're Cuban cigar rollers.Copy !req
164. Don't tell your mother.Copy !req
165. What is that bubbling sound?
Are you making your tomato sauce?Copy !req
166. - Yeah, hot and spicy.
- You're not wearing a shirt, are you?Copy !req
167. Yes, I am.Copy !req
168. What color is it?Copy !req
169. Damn it.Copy !req
170. You know, you could have just
given me Neil's number.Copy !req
171. You didn't have to
take me out to dinner.Copy !req
172. I wanted to give it to you in person.Copy !req
173. I don't have to be up in the morning
and I know a great breakfast place...Copy !req
174. right around the corner.Copy !req
175. Does Neil like to
eat a big breakfast?Copy !req
176. Why don't you come in?
We'll talk about it.Copy !req
177. I really should get going.Copy !req
178. I wanna be home in case Neil calls.Copy !req
179. Well, good night.Copy !req
180. I'll see you.Copy !req
181. Rough night?Copy !req
182. You wouldn't believe it.Copy !req
183. My boyfriend dumped me.Copy !req
184. My friends, who I don't even like...Copy !req
185. they won't talk to me,
all because I don't like...Copy !req
186. that stupid English Patient movie.Copy !req
187. Really? I thought it was pretty good.Copy !req
188. Oh, come on.Copy !req
189. Good? What was good about it?Copy !req
190. Those sex scenes. I mean, please.Copy !req
191. Give me something I can use.Copy !req
192. Well, I liked it.Copy !req
193. You forgot about my piece of pie.Copy !req
194. Hello?Copy !req
195. You know, sex in a tub.
That doesn't work.Copy !req
196. This is quite a condo.Copy !req
197. The Mandelbaums own
the Magic Pan restaurants.Copy !req
198. - The crepe place?
- Yeah, this is all big crepe money.Copy !req
199. There's crepe money?Copy !req
200. What are you doing here?Copy !req
201. Mr. Mandelbaum,
I wanted to come by...Copy !req
202. tell you how sorry I was
you hurt yourself.Copy !req
203. What the hell is that?Copy !req
204. - What?
- That shirt.Copy !req
205. You think that you
are the number-one dad?Copy !req
206. This was a gift from my son.Copy !req
207. Oh, I see how it works now.Copy !req
208. He knocks me out of commission...Copy !req
209. so you can strut around
in your fancy number-one shirt.Copy !req
210. Well, I'll show you
who's number one.Copy !req
211. - Mr. Mandelbaum, please.
- It's go time.Copy !req
212. My back... I can't move.Copy !req
213. - Call an ambulance.
- Think I saw one a couple doors down.Copy !req
214. So she wanted you to come up...Copy !req
215. but you left because you thought
some guy might be calling you?Copy !req
216. Some guy, some guy?Copy !req
217. Neil.Copy !req
218. I have got to find out
how he could get a girl like Danielle.Copy !req
219. George, you've got Danielle.
Forget about Neil.Copy !req
220. You've "out-Neiled" him.Copy !req
221. So I'm Neil. How did I do that?Copy !req
222. I don't know,
but you better keep it up.Copy !req
223. I'm gonna go meet Danielle.Copy !req
224. There's a new Neil in town.Copy !req
225. I try take a vacation. I come back,
the whole operation's in shambles.Copy !req
226. - Hello.
- Hey, Jerry. Number one here.Copy !req
227. Did you go see Izzy
at the back specialist?Copy !req
228. - I will. I just walked in the door.
- You have to go see him.Copy !req
229. - Ma.
- Helen, will you stop bothering him?Copy !req
230. Jerry, that shirt has gone
to his head.Copy !req
231. Number one, signing off.Copy !req
232. Jerry, I just picked up the Cubans
at the bus station.Copy !req
233. What's going on?Copy !req
234. - What?
- They're not real Cubans.Copy !req
235. - They're Dominicans.
- So?Copy !req
236. So, Jerry, if my investors
don't get Cubans, the whole deal's off.Copy !req
237. - What's the difference?
- Jerry, once you've had real Cubans...Copy !req
238. there's just nothing else like it.Copy !req
239. We're talking about people, right?Copy !req
240. Yes, yes, the quality, the texture,
the intoxicating aroma.Copy !req
241. These guys don't have it.Copy !req
242. I thought they smelled pretty nice.Copy !req
243. - Jerry, your palate's unrefined.
- Is not.Copy !req
244. - Is too. Is too.
- Is not.Copy !req
245. - I'm not having this conversation.
- Are too.Copy !req
246. - Are too. Are too.
- Am not. Am not.Copy !req
247. Another productive meeting.Copy !req
248. By the way, I saw that
English Patient film last night.Copy !req
249. - It was extraordinary.
- Oh, yes, it was so romantic.Copy !req
250. - It ravished me.
- Elaine, what did you think?Copy !req
251. Well, actually I haven't seen it...Copy !req
252. so I couldn't tell you
whether I liked it...Copy !req
253. or whether it really sucked.Copy !req
254. - You haven't seen it?
- No.Copy !req
255. That's it. Drop everything.
We're going right now.Copy !req
256. Again, Mr. Mandelbaum, this back
specialist is supposed to be the best.Copy !req
257. If there's anything else I can do, don't
hesitate to try and find my number.Copy !req
258. Oh, wait.Copy !req
259. How about that, huh?Copy !req
260. The "World's Greatest Dad."Copy !req
261. My son made it for me.Copy !req
262. - That's very nice.
- The best in the world...Copy !req
263. which means I'm better
than just number one.Copy !req
264. Well, I don't know how official
any of these rankings really are.Copy !req
265. - Hi, Son.
- Hi, Daddy.Copy !req
266. This is your son?Copy !req
267. I got married in high school.Copy !req
268. Hey, who are you?Copy !req
269. This is Seinfeld's kid.Copy !req
270. Oh, you think you're tough,
picking on an old man?Copy !req
271. Maybe you'd like to try taking on
somebody your own age.Copy !req
272. You got any kids?Copy !req
273. Oh, you think you're
better than me?Copy !req
274. Go ahead, pick out anything
in the room here.Copy !req
275. I'll lift it up over my head.Copy !req
276. Look, no one is lifting anything.Copy !req
277. The television.Copy !req
278. This one's for you, Pop. It's go time.Copy !req
279. Oh, my back.Copy !req
280. - Call an ambulance.
- We're already in a hospital.Copy !req
281. All right, partner.
Let's get down to business.Copy !req
282. Okay. Well, I'll...
I'll get the Cubans.Copy !req
283. They're right out here.Copy !req
284. Yeah, here they are.
They're Cubans, real Cubans.Copy !req
285. You wouldn't be trying to sell
old Earl Haffler...Copy !req
286. Dominicans in a Cuban wrapper,
now, would you?Copy !req
287. Oh, come on, look at these boys.Copy !req
288. If they were any more Cuban, Castro
would have smoked them himself.Copy !req
289. - We're talking about people, right?
- I think so.Copy !req
290. I thought he quit smoking cigars.Copy !req
291. Well, yeah, yeah, but they also rolled
for his brother, Dennis.Copy !req
292. - Dennis Castro?
- Dwayne.Copy !req
293. - Get the hell out of my office.
- What?Copy !req
294. - You know, Neil called me today.
- Really?Copy !req
295. Yeah, he's pretty upset I broke up
with him to go out with you.Copy !req
296. Well, I guess I showed
Neil who's Neil.Copy !req
297. He wanted to get together
tomorrow and have coffee.Copy !req
298. Coffee?Copy !req
299. I can beat that. Move in with me.Copy !req
300. - What?
- It beats the hell out of coffee.Copy !req
301. And I thought I knew what love was.Copy !req
302. - You asked her to move in with you?
- I gotta stay one step ahead of Neil.Copy !req
303. What if it's Neil Armstrong?Copy !req
304. Then I'm going to Mars.Copy !req
305. - What if it's Neil Diamond?
- Oh, shut up, Jerry, just shut up.Copy !req
306. All right, I gotta go back
to the hospital.Copy !req
307. - What? To see the old guy?
- No, I got into a thing with the son...Copy !req
308. and now he's laid up too.Copy !req
309. - How old's the son?
- I think he's the same age as the father.Copy !req
310. What is with this family?Copy !req
311. Don't know.
It's like, one of them dies...Copy !req
312. the other one wants to
bench-press the casket.Copy !req
313. Hey, Jerry.Copy !req
314. You cold?Copy !req
315. - It's them, right?
- Something wrong your chin?Copy !req
316. - Where?
- No, no, no, don't look.Copy !req
317. Over there, the Dominicans.Copy !req
318. Aren't they supposed to be
rolling cigars?Copy !req
319. Well, it didn't quite work out and
now I've got nothing for them to do.Copy !req
320. - So?
- So I taught them all about Cuba...Copy !req
321. and they really took to it.Copy !req
322. You know, Marxism,
the workers' revolution, the clothing.Copy !req
323. Boy, they seem pretty angry
about something.Copy !req
324. Yeah, I'm a little worried.Copy !req
325. When there's no work
and the people get restless...Copy !req
326. who do you think they come after?Copy !req
327. I swear to you, I didn't know
the TV was bolted to the table.Copy !req
328. I bet you pulled that trick
on my daddy in Florida.Copy !req
329. He couldn't handle the weight.Copy !req
330. Oh, so now you think
you're better than me?Copy !req
331. You think you're better than him?Copy !req
332. Look, let me just state for the record,
I think you're both better than me.Copy !req
333. Okay.Copy !req
334. My boys.Copy !req
335. - My dad.
- My grandpa.Copy !req
336. Oh, come on.Copy !req
337. What happened to him?Copy !req
338. He was trying to lift the TV.Copy !req
339. - That TV?
- Oh, no.Copy !req
340. It's go time.Copy !req
341. Why didn't anybody tell me
it was bolted down?Copy !req
342. I still thought you could do it.Copy !req
343. Me too.Copy !req
344. Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum,
Mandelbaum.Copy !req
345. Fellas, fellas, fellas, look, I gotta go.Copy !req
346. Oh, yeah, that's right, go.Copy !req
347. Put us all in the hospital...Copy !req
348. and you ruined our business
with all your macho head games.Copy !req
349. - I didn't ruin your business.
- Yes, you did.Copy !req
350. There's nobody there now at
the Magic Pan to roll the crepes.Copy !req
351. - We gotta close it up.
- Don't you hire people to do that?Copy !req
352. Each crepe has to be hand-rolled
by a Mandelbaum.Copy !req
353. That's what puts the magic
in Magic Pan.Copy !req
354. So you just need some guys
that could roll them?Copy !req
355. Yeah.Copy !req
356. I think I can help you out.
I'll see you later.Copy !req
357. Hey, I can't see the TV.Copy !req
358. Here.Copy !req
359. You think you're better than us,
don't you?Copy !req
360. Elaine, I hope you're
watching the clothes...Copy !req
361. because I can't take my eyes
off the passion.Copy !req
362. No, I can't do this anymore.Copy !req
363. I can't. It's too long.Copy !req
364. Quit telling your stupid story...Copy !req
365. about the stupid desert
and just die already.Copy !req
366. Die!Copy !req
367. Elaine, you don't like the movie?Copy !req
368. I hate it!Copy !req
369. Oh, go to hell!Copy !req
370. Well, why didn't you say so
in the first place?Copy !req
371. - You're fired.
- Great. I'll wait for you outside.Copy !req
372. He was gonna fire you?Copy !req
373. Well, the only way
I could talk him out of it...Copy !req
374. was that I agreed to go
and visit the Tunisian desert.Copy !req
375. - Tunisia?
- That's where they filmed the movie.Copy !req
376. It's supposed to inspire me.Copy !req
377. - Well, that doesn't sound so bad.
- I have to live in a cave.Copy !req
378. These Dominicans really know
their way around a crepe, huh?Copy !req
379. Look at that. Looks like they're
rolling a Double Corona.Copy !req
380. Just a cigar made out of Bisquick,
huh, Guillermo?Copy !req
381. I'm very happy with George.Copy !req
382. I'm sorry, Neil.Copy !req
383. It's over.Copy !req
384. Come on, let's just eat our crepes.Copy !req
385. My face!Copy !req
386. Neil!Copy !req
387. Why are the crepes spraying?Copy !req
388. The Dominicans are rolling them
too tight.Copy !req
389. Well, that's why you gotta get
real Cubans.Copy !req
390. Danielle. Where's Neil?Copy !req
391. - Is this him?
- Yeah.Copy !req
392. That blueberry crepe
burned him pretty badly.Copy !req
393. Whose cane is this?Copy !req
394. It's Neil's.Copy !req
395. Cane.Copy !req
396. I knew it.Copy !req
397. So we meet at last.Copy !req
398. I admire your skills, Mr. Peanut.Copy !req
399. Well, Danielle, we should get going.Copy !req
400. I got a key made for you.Copy !req
401. - George, I can't move in with you.
- What?Copy !req
402. I'm sorry, but I'm taking Neil
to a clinic in England.Copy !req
403. No, no, you can't leave me.Copy !req
404. Marry me. I'll burn myself.
I'll burn my parents.Copy !req
405. Sorry, George.Copy !req
406. George.Copy !req
407. I win.Copy !req
408. Ladies and gentlemen,
in just one moment...Copy !req
409. we'll be showing
our feature presentation.Copy !req
410. No, no, no.Copy !req
411. The comedy hit, Sack Lunch,
starring Dabney Coleman.Copy !req
412. All right. Oh, this is shaping up.Copy !req
413. - Excuse me, please.
- Oh, sure.Copy !req
414. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
415. because we have been exploited by
your Magic Pan crepe restaurants...Copy !req
416. we are hijacking
this plane to Cuba.Copy !req
417. Everyone stay in your seats.Copy !req
418. And shut that movie off.Copy !req
419. Oh, nuts.Copy !req
420. Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum.Copy !req