1. - Well, that was all right, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
2. Well...Copy !req
3. - ... good night.
- Yeah, good night.Copy !req
4. Jerry, we can only stay four days.Copy !req
5. Well, I'm upset,
but we'll make the most of it.Copy !req
6. Helen, did you pack my travel gym?Copy !req
7. Yes. Oh, your father bought
an exercise device off television.Copy !req
8. He does it every morning at 4.Copy !req
9. Only 25 minutes a day, and you can
attach it to any doorknob.Copy !req
10. So I guess your travel miles
are about to expire?Copy !req
11. Well, actually, Jerry, we wanted
to talk to you about something.Copy !req
12. Am I finally getting a baby brother?Copy !req
13. Jerry, be serious.Copy !req
14. How would you feel
if we sold the Cadillac?Copy !req
15. What? The Cadillac I bought for you?Copy !req
16. It's too much car, Jerry.Copy !req
17. Oh, come on. You love that car.
What about the Northstar system?Copy !req
18. I don't think we even use it.Copy !req
19. Well, it's a gift,
and I want you to keep it.Copy !req
20. We already sold it.Copy !req
21. Why didn't you tell me
before you sold it?Copy !req
22. We had a buyer, and we couldn't
get a free flight until now.Copy !req
23. We could but we wanted
the bulkhead.Copy !req
24. Oh, my God.Copy !req
25. Man, that Emily is wearing me out.Copy !req
26. - Kramer...
- No, no, no, it's not the sex, Jerry.Copy !req
27. Hey, Seinfelds.Copy !req
28. - Hi, Kramer.
- Hi, Kramer.Copy !req
29. - We're in the middle of a discussion.
- Yeah? What about?Copy !req
30. Jerry's upset. We sold the Cadillac.Copy !req
31. - What did you get for it?
- Jack Klompus gave us 6 grand.Copy !req
32. You sold my Cadillac
to Jack Klompus?Copy !req
33. - We want you to have the money.
- I don't need money.Copy !req
34. - What are you talking about?
- You'd a check bounce at the bodega.Copy !req
35. Is that what this is all about? I bounce
a check and you sold a Cadillac?Copy !req
36. Well, also, Jerry, we read
an article in the Sun-Sentinel.Copy !req
37. It says that stand-up comedy
is not what it used to be...Copy !req
38. what with Def Jam and all.Copy !req
39. Yeah, that Def Jam is a force.Copy !req
40. Jerry, you know,
I hear wonderful things...Copy !req
41. about Bloomingdale's
executive training program.Copy !req
42. Oh, my God.Copy !req
43. You've given this comedy thing
your best shot.Copy !req
44. Yeah, you had some
good observations, but it's over.Copy !req
45. Now, this Bloomingdale thing:Copy !req
46. That could be the next wave.Copy !req
47. Excuse me. A pound
of Arabian Mocha Java, please.Copy !req
48. So you understand how my Peterman
stock options are gonna work?Copy !req
49. I'm going to the bathroom.Copy !req
50. It's just very interesting.Copy !req
51. Yeah, when it's your money
it's fascinating.Copy !req
52. Arabian Mocha Java.Copy !req
53. Oh, I got it.Copy !req
54. That Arabian is strong coffee.Copy !req
55. It's PLO blend.Copy !req
56. Oh, I got your coffee.Copy !req
57. - Oh, here, let me—
- No, it's on me.Copy !req
58. Oh, man. Okay, listen, guys,
I'm gonna be late. I'll see you, okay?Copy !req
59. - Yeah.
- Bye.Copy !req
60. - You see what just happened here?
- What?Copy !req
61. She treated me
to the Arabian Mocha Java.Copy !req
62. And you misinterpret this how?Copy !req
63. She's sticking it that
she makes more money.Copy !req
64. I'm sure she was just being nice
buying you the coffee.Copy !req
65. Not nice. Sticking it to me.Copy !req
66. - You're crazy.
- Sticking it to me.Copy !req
67. - George.
- Sticking it!Copy !req
68. So you're buying the car
back for your parents?Copy !req
69. - I'm flying down to Florida tomorrow.
- Your parents will never let you do it.Copy !req
70. They lie to me about selling the car,
I'll lie to them about buying it back.Copy !req
71. They think they can dump
6 grand on me? Think again.Copy !req
72. What kind of money
you think your parents have?Copy !req
73. - Excuse me?
- Bet they have more money than mine.Copy !req
74. - Come on. Your parents have money.
- You think?Copy !req
75. - When do they ever spend money?
- Never.Copy !req
76. - What are their expenses?
- Nothing.Copy !req
77. - Where do they go on vacation?
- Nowhere.Copy !req
78. - How much do you think they have?
- Few hundred grand?Copy !req
79. You're saying I stand to inherit
$300,000? Is that what you're saying?Copy !req
80. - You may not see it for 20 years.
- Twenty years? That long?Copy !req
81. Your father eat
bacon and eggs every day?Copy !req
82. Unfortunately, yes.Copy !req
83. How's your family history?Copy !req
84. - I have an aunt that died at 7.
- Really?Copy !req
85. Aunt Baby.Copy !req
86. - Elaine, you got a moment?
- Yeah, Kramer, come on in.Copy !req
87. I need to speak to you
about some lady problems.Copy !req
88. Okay.Copy !req
89. You know, after I have sex with Emily,
I don't want her in the bed anymore.Copy !req
90. Yeah, because she's
throwing off my whole sleep.Copy !req
91. - She's got the jimmy legs.
- Jimmy legs?Copy !req
92. Jimmy leg.Copy !req
93. So... Well, maybe I should
just be honest with her, huh?Copy !req
94. Tell her after sex
you just want her out of there?Copy !req
95. Well, I'd say it nicely.Copy !req
96. - I don't think so.
- Well, you know, I really like this girl.Copy !req
97. I think if I could work out
this thing—Copy !req
98. Yeah, I gotta be honest
with you, Kramer.Copy !req
99. You might be more than
just a couple of tweaks away...Copy !req
100. from a healthy relationship.Copy !req
101. Well, you're not exactly
zeroing in yourself, lady.Copy !req
102. All right, get out. Get out!Copy !req
103. So listen, I've gotta go down to
Atlantic City. I'm performing at Bally's.Copy !req
104. You just heard about this today?Copy !req
105. They had a cancellation,
and they instantly called me.Copy !req
106. - Who cancelled?
- Carrot Top.Copy !req
107. I told you: My career is fine.Copy !req
108. I've been thinking about the family.Copy !req
109. Tell me about Aunt Baby.Copy !req
110. She's deceased.Copy !req
111. Yeah.Copy !req
112. Why did she die so young?Copy !req
113. She had problems.Copy !req
114. - lnternal.
- Is that common in our family?Copy !req
115. Well, your Uncle Moe,
he died a young man.Copy !req
116. Also internal problems.Copy !req
117. It's that temper on your side.Copy !req
118. They're yelling and yelling and then
one day, they're all gone.Copy !req
119. What about your side?
Your cousin Henny.Copy !req
120. She was sickly
from the moment I met her.Copy !req
121. Don't you talk about Henny!Copy !req
122. So I guess you two
are the lucky ones.Copy !req
123. So far.Copy !req
124. Frank, if Aunt Baby were alive today,
how old would she be?Copy !req
125. She'd never make it.Copy !req
126. So let me get this straight.
You enjoy the lovemaking—Copy !req
127. - Well, do you?
- Oh, yeah. Like strawberry pie.Copy !req
128. Okay. But you have a problem
sharing a bed with me.Copy !req
129. I know it's not what the ladies like...Copy !req
130. but without some solid sack time,
I'm a zombie.Copy !req
131. - I don't know.
- Oh, come on, man.Copy !req
132. Meet me halfway.Copy !req
133. - You're not easy, Kramer.
- I know.Copy !req
134. So to what do I owe the pleasure
of this unannounced visit?Copy !req
135. I wanna buy back the Cadillac.Copy !req
136. You wanna buy it back? Why?Copy !req
137. You got drugs hidden in the trunk?Copy !req
138. - I'm kidding.
- All right. I'll give you 9000 for it.Copy !req
139. Nine thousand for a Cadillac?
It's got no miles on it.Copy !req
140. - You bought it for six.
- You're not me.Copy !req
141. - How much do you want for it?
- The Kelley Blue Book value: $22,000.Copy !req
142. Fourteen thousand.Copy !req
143. Done. But I get
to drive it tomorrow...Copy !req
144. because Doris
wants to go to Naples.Copy !req
145. You need a pen?Copy !req
146. Still works.Copy !req
147. - Hey, where's Jerry?
- He's performing at Bally's...Copy !req
148. - ... in Atlantic City.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
149. Yeah, I need his shoeshine kit.Copy !req
150. He always hides it from me.Copy !req
151. Yeah, Bally's?
Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld's room, please.Copy !req
152. You know that number?Copy !req
153. I used to have a problem.Copy !req
154. What do you mean,
he's not registered?Copy !req
155. - Well, S-E-l-N-V—
- F. F-E-L-D.Copy !req
156. F-E-L-D.Copy !req
157. Well, I think you're wrong.Copy !req
158. All right, you have a lucky day too.Copy !req
159. - He's not there?
- No, they never heard of him.Copy !req
160. This is so nice of you to take us
all out to dinner, George.Copy !req
161. Well, as much as I enjoy
all the good-natured ribbing...Copy !req
162. nothing really makes me happier...Copy !req
163. than spending money
on the people I care about.Copy !req
164. - Where's Jerry?
- Oh, he'll be here.Copy !req
165. By the way, Elaine, thank you...Copy !req
166. for laying out
for the Arabian Mocha Java.Copy !req
167. George, you didn't have to do this.Copy !req
168. I'm president of a big company.
I can afford to buy you coffee.Copy !req
169. - President?
- Yeah.Copy !req
170. - Hey, look, he's back. Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
171. I got your message so I came
straight from Atlantic City.Copy !req
172. Jerry, Kramer called Bally's.
You weren't registered.Copy !req
173. Well, I can't stay
under my own name.Copy !req
174. I was registered
under "Slappy White."Copy !req
175. Mom. Dad.Copy !req
176. Well, look who's here.
Hello, Seinfelds.Copy !req
177. - What are you doing here?
- We're having an upscale dinner.Copy !req
178. - What?
- Well, after talking to you...Copy !req
179. we realized we may not
have much time left.Copy !req
180. So we're blowing it all.Copy !req
181. Look, George, it's a Pierre Cardin.Copy !req
182. - That was all right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
183. Well, I'll see you.Copy !req
184. - Hello.
- Jerry.Copy !req
185. I had a little mishap with the car.Copy !req
186. I'm down here in Alligator Alley.Copy !req
187. - You better get down here.
- All right.Copy !req
188. Who was that?Copy !req
189. That was the Golden Nugget...Copy !req
190. also in Atlantic City.Copy !req
191. They heard such good things
about my show at Bally's...Copy !req
192. they want me for tonight.Copy !req
193. So I'll have to repack and go.Copy !req
194. That didn't sound
like the Golden Nugget.Copy !req
195. I'm worried. What happens
if we have to support Jerry?Copy !req
196. - I'll have to go back to work.
- Where would you work?Copy !req
197. Maybe I should talk to Elaine.Copy !req
198. Well, Mr. Seinfeld, I'm not sure
I understand why you want a job here.Copy !req
199. What's not to understand?Copy !req
200. Well, for one thing,
you live in Florida.Copy !req
201. I'm very comfortable
working out of the house.Copy !req
202. I have a phone.
We have a Kinko's nearby.Copy !req
203. You know, I think
that my résumé speaks for itself.Copy !req
204. - Where is your résumé?
- I don't have it. I'll mail you one.Copy !req
205. All right, Mr. Seinfeld...Copy !req
206. what kind of a position
did you have in mind?Copy !req
207. - You sell clothes, don't you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
208. Well, I sold raincoats
in the garment centre for 38 years.Copy !req
209. - In 1949—
- All right. All right. All right.Copy !req
210. You come in tomorrow.
We'll find something for you to do.Copy !req
211. You won't regret this, Ms. Benes.Copy !req
212. What time should I be in? I get up at 4.
I could be here as early as 4:25.Copy !req
213. Oh, Elaine...Copy !req
214. this dry air is curing me
like a Black Forest ham.Copy !req
215. Mr. Peterman? You're back.Copy !req
216. Who's Mr. Fancy?Copy !req
217. I was thinking maybe
I should spend the night.Copy !req
218. Oh, that's sweet, but actually, l...Copy !req
219. I think I'd prefer it if you left.Copy !req
220. - What?
- You were completely right.Copy !req
221. I sleep so much better
when I'm alone.Copy !req
222. - And you scream in your sleep.
- I do?Copy !req
223. There was a man. He was trying
to get into my apartment last night.Copy !req
224. He was jiggling the doorknob
for 25 minutes.Copy !req
225. - Come on. It was probably the wind.
- No, no.Copy !req
226. No, it was a fearless cat burglar.Copy !req
227. Now, listen, you gotta
let me sleep here.Copy !req
228. I'll stay over here on my side,
and I'll stuff a sock in my mouth.Copy !req
229. Because I don't wanna sleep alone.Copy !req
230. Well, I do.Copy !req
231. What took you so long?Copy !req
232. I live in New York.Copy !req
233. What the hell happened?Copy !req
234. This thing is a behemoth.Copy !req
235. What did you do?Copy !req
236. I was making a simple lane change.Copy !req
237. I put on the blinker,
and it took off on me.Copy !req
238. And the next thing you know,
I was submerged.Copy !req
239. I'm telling you, Jerry, I'm very lucky
that those crocs didn't get me.Copy !req
240. You are such an idiot.Copy !req
241. Well, we got to get the car
cleaned up for my parents.Copy !req
242. Do whatever you want. It's your car.Copy !req
243. My car? You drove it
into the swamp.Copy !req
244. It drove itself into the swamp.Copy !req
245. Besides, I think I lost my pen too.Copy !req
246. You know, that almost
makes this all worthwhile.Copy !req
247. Why is there a Cadillac parked
in front of the house?Copy !req
248. That's your mother's new car.Copy !req
249. You bought that?Copy !req
250. It's a coupe de elegance.Copy !req
251. Your father wanted a Mercedes...Copy !req
252. but I won't ride in a German car.Copy !req
253. Morning.Copy !req
254. Oh, boy.Copy !req
255. - What the hell is going on here?
- I had some trouble at my place.Copy !req
256. So I need a little company
at night to sleep.Copy !req
257. George, your mother and l
and Kramer have been talking.Copy !req
258. - Oh, God.
- George...Copy !req
259. your parents can't blow
their savings in this community.Copy !req
260. It's low-rent. We feel that Florida is
really the place where they should be.Copy !req
261. You can drop a grand
in Disney World like that.Copy !req
262. Wait a minute. You're moving
to Florida again?Copy !req
263. Well, it's either that
or we stay here near you...Copy !req
264. and just sit on the money.Copy !req
265. What do you think
we should do, Georgie?Copy !req
266. So effective immediately, Ms. Benes
will return to her old position...Copy !req
267. at her original salary and l,
of course, will return to mine.Copy !req
268. Kudos, Elaine, on a job done.Copy !req
269. What about my stock options?Copy !req
270. I think not.Copy !req
271. Now down to business.
I have had this vision...Copy !req
272. of a diaphanous rumrunner scarf.Copy !req
273. Well, we could fly some fabric in
from our silk factories...Copy !req
274. - ... for about $1000 dollars a bolt.
- A thousand?Copy !req
275. I know a couple of Chinamen
over on 43rd Street...Copy !req
276. - ... that will do it for half that.
- It's Asian Americans.Copy !req
277. What?Copy !req
278. Who are you?Copy !req
279. - Don't worry—
- Morty Seinfeld.Copy !req
280. I cut velvet for 40 years
with Harry Alper.Copy !req
281. Okay, Mr. Seinfeld, this is not—Copy !req
282. Elaine, did you hire this man?Copy !req
283. No, no— Well, I mean, he's more
like an intern, you know, at best.Copy !req
284. So if your parents move to Florida,
you're poor.Copy !req
285. - But happy.
- Obviously.Copy !req
286. And if they stay, you're rich, but...Copy !req
287. Obviously.Copy !req
288. It's quite a dilemma. You know,
I have a bit of a dilemma of my own.Copy !req
289. No, no, no.Copy !req
290. We're staying on me.
We haven't solved anything yet.Copy !req
291. All right. This is easy.
Just let them go. So now, listen—Copy !req
292. What do you mean?
They're spending all my money.Copy !req
293. All right. Then they stay.
Let me ask you a ques—Copy !req
294. Could you put
a little thought into this?Copy !req
295. Jerry's gone. You could humour me.
He humours me.Copy !req
296. Speaking of Jerry...Copy !req
297. his father is driving me
so crazy down at Peterman's.Copy !req
298. Know what I do when one of these
is breathing down my neck?Copy !req
299. - What?
- You schedule a late meeting.Copy !req
300. - What does that do?
- Old guys are up at 4 a.m.Copy !req
301. By 2:30, they're wiped—
How did we get back on to you?Copy !req
302. I gotta go.Copy !req
303. You know I got nothing out of this.Copy !req
304. - Hey, Frank.
- Yeah.Copy !req
305. - You got two beds in here.
- That's right. That's me on the left.Copy !req
306. So you sleep in separate beds.Copy !req
307. Thirty years ago
we came to an agreement.Copy !req
308. The only way
I could get some rest.Copy !req
309. Really?Copy !req
310. Estelle has got the jimmy arms.Copy !req
311. You can get that in your arms?Copy !req
312. Like you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
313. Jerry, it's getting late.Copy !req
314. You cleaned up the car.Copy !req
315. You made all your phone calls.Copy !req
316. Why are you still here?Copy !req
317. Well, I maxed out my credit cards.Copy !req
318. And I don't have enough cash
for a hotel room.Copy !req
319. - So...
- You are thinking of staying here?Copy !req
320. - Well...
- You've got some nerve.Copy !req
321. I almost break my neck
in that death-trap of yours...Copy !req
322. and now you ask me for a favour?Copy !req
323. - Didn't like that crack about the pen?
- I did not.Copy !req
324. Well, I've given this
a lot of thought...Copy !req
325. and I've gotta say—Copy !req
326. As much as I'd like to see
the two of you living it up...Copy !req
327. in a warm, tropical setting...Copy !req
328. I would just miss you too much.Copy !req
329. So I've decided...Copy !req
330. I want you to stay.Copy !req
331. It's too late.Copy !req
332. We bought a condo
at Del Boca Vista.Copy !req
333. We're leaving tonight.Copy !req
334. You said it was my call.Copy !req
335. We were just being nice.Copy !req
336. Cosmo, are you sure you're
gonna be all right here alone?Copy !req
337. Oh, yeah, I got Emily
coming over tonight.Copy !req
338. You're letting him
have a woman over?Copy !req
339. He's not family.
It's different psychologically.Copy !req
340. And so I made an explosive
out of chickpeas.Copy !req
341. And I stopped that great rhino
right in his tracks.Copy !req
342. - It's getting late. Why don't we—
- Mr. Peterman...Copy !req
343. that can't have been the only time
that you faced mortal danger.Copy !req
344. Funny you should ask, Elaine.Copy !req
345. if we're gonna stay
till all hours of the night...Copy !req
346. can't we at least
get some food here?Copy !req
347. It's only 5: 1 5.Copy !req
348. So later on that same day...Copy !req
349. I developed a great hankering
for some wild honey.Copy !req
350. Okay, I'm done.Copy !req
351. I'll be back in the morning when
he's close to finished with this story.Copy !req
352. Morty.Copy !req
353. My stories
are what sell these clothes.Copy !req
354. Cheap fabric and dim lighting:Copy !req
355. That's how you move merchandise.Copy !req
356. Okay.Copy !req
357. You're out.Copy !req
358. I never knew what I was
peddling with those stupid cartoons...Copy !req
359. and that paper book anyway.Copy !req
360. I don't know why I let you talk me
into that corned beef at Snitzers.Copy !req
361. - No one held a gun to your head.
- Yeah.Copy !req
362. Don't forget: We're eating
at the Fidermans' tomorrow.Copy !req
363. Why do I have to go?
They're your friends.Copy !req
364. - You like them.
- I've had it with them.Copy !req
365. Then we won't go.Copy !req
366. Okay, okay. What time?Copy !req
367. Eight-thirty.Copy !req
368. That was all right.Copy !req
369. "One bright note in today's market
was the stock of retailer J. Peterman...Copy !req
370. whose founder's surprise return
generated a rise...Copy !req
371. of 12 and a half points."Copy !req
372. That means if you still had
those stock options...Copy !req
373. Yeah.Copy !req
374. That's a shame.Copy !req
375. What are you, sticking it to me?Copy !req
376. - What?
- I think you're sticking it to me.Copy !req
377. I'm sure George
is just being sympathetic.Copy !req
378. Sticking it!Copy !req
379. You're not alone.
I'm practically broke.Copy !req
380. - Really?
- No.Copy !req
381. But...Copy !req
382. I did blow over 20,000
on that Cadillac.Copy !req
383. Delicious.Copy !req
384. - You seem happy.
- Hey, the folks are 1200 miles away.Copy !req
385. I'm basking in the buffer zone.Copy !req
386. Another piece of pie here.Copy !req
387. So were your parents shocked
to see the Cadillac?Copy !req
388. Actually, I haven't heard
from them yet.Copy !req
389. When are we gonna tell Jerry?Copy !req
390. I don't wanna worry him.Copy !req
391. We'll tell him next time we go up.Copy !req
392. He thought he could buy back
that Cadillac for us?Copy !req
393. He's not getting away with that.Copy !req
394. Besides, that condo
was too much house.Copy !req
395. How many times
can you check the car?Copy !req
396. I saw a bum sleeping
in the Cadillac the other day.Copy !req
397. Why would someone
break into a car to take a nap?Copy !req
398. They don't nap.
They make it their home.Copy !req
399. They urinate in there.Copy !req
400. You're driving me crazy.Copy !req
401. That's it. We're going back
to Queens. Where's my hat?Copy !req
402. No!Copy !req