1. - Well, that was all right, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
2. Well...Copy !req
3. - good night.
- Yeah, good night.Copy !req
4. Jerry, we can only stay four days.Copy !req
5. Well, I'm upset,
but we'll make the most of it.Copy !req
6. Helen, did you pack my travel gym?Copy !req
7. Yes. Oh, your father bought
an exercise device off television.Copy !req
8. He does it every morning at 4.Copy !req
9. Only 25 minutes a day, and you can
attach it to any doorknob.Copy !req
10. So I guess your travel miles
are about to expire?Copy !req
11. Well, actually, Jerry, we wanted
to talk to you about something.Copy !req
12. Am I finally getting a baby brother?Copy !req
13. Jerry, be serious.Copy !req
14. How would you feel
if we sold the Cadillac?Copy !req
15. What? The Cadillac
I bought for you?Copy !req
16. It's too much car, Jerry.Copy !req
17. Oh, come on. You love that car.
What about the Northstar system?Copy !req
18. I don't think we even use it.Copy !req
19. Well, it's a gift,
and I want you to keep it.Copy !req
20. We already sold it.Copy !req
21. Why didn't you tell me
before you sold it?Copy !req
22. We had a buyer, and we couldn't
get a free flight until now.Copy !req
23. We could but we wanted
the bulkhead.Copy !req
24. Oh, my God.Copy !req
25. Man, that Emily is wearing me out.Copy !req
26. - Kramer...
- No, no, no, it's not the sex, Jerry.Copy !req
27. Hey, Seinfelds.Copy !req
28. - Hi, Kramer.
- Hi, Kramer.Copy !req
29. - We're in the middle of a discussion.
- Yeah? What about?Copy !req
30. Jerry's upset.
We sold the Cadillac.Copy !req
31. - What did you get for it?
- Jack Klompus gave us 6 grand.Copy !req
32. You sold my Cadillac
to Jack Klompus?Copy !req
33. We want you to have the money.Copy !req
34. - I don't need money.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
35. You had a check bounce
at the bodega.Copy !req
36. Is that what this is all about? I bounce
a check and you sold a Cadillac?Copy !req
37. Well, also, Jerry, we read
an article in the Sun-Sentinel.Copy !req
38. It says that standup comedy
is not what it used to be...Copy !req
39. what with Def Jam and all.Copy !req
40. Yeah, that Def Jam is a force.Copy !req
41. Jerry, you know,
I hear wonderful things...Copy !req
42. about Bloomingdale's
executive training program.Copy !req
43. Oh, my God.Copy !req
44. You've given this comedy thing
your best shot.Copy !req
45. Yeah, you had some
good observations, but it's over.Copy !req
46. Now, this Bloomingdale thing:Copy !req
47. That could be the next wave.Copy !req
48. Excuse me. A pound
of Arabian Mocha Java, please.Copy !req
49. So you understand how my Peterman
stock options are gonna work?Copy !req
50. I'm going to the bathroom.Copy !req
51. It's just very interesting.Copy !req
52. Yeah, when it's your money
it's fascinating.Copy !req
53. Arabian Mocha Java.Copy !req
54. Oh, I got it.Copy !req
55. That Arabian is strong coffee.Copy !req
56. It's PLO blend.Copy !req
57. Oh, I got your coffee.Copy !req
58. - Oh, here, let me...
- No, it's on me.Copy !req
59. Oh, man. Okay, listen, guys,
I'm gonna be late. I'll see you, okay?Copy !req
60. - Yeah.
- Bye.Copy !req
61. - You see what just happened here?
- What?Copy !req
62. She treated me
to the Arabian Mocha Java.Copy !req
63. And you misinterpret this how?Copy !req
64. She's sticking it to me that
she makes more money.Copy !req
65. I'm sure she was just being nice
buying you the coffee.Copy !req
66. Not nice. Sticking it to me.Copy !req
67. - You're crazy.
- Sticking it to me.Copy !req
68. - George.
- Sticking it!Copy !req
69. So you're buying the car
back for your parents?Copy !req
70. - I'm flying down to Florida tomorrow.
- Your parents will never let you do it.Copy !req
71. They lie to me about selling the car,
I'll lie to them about buying it back.Copy !req
72. They think they can dump
6 grand on me? Think again.Copy !req
73. What kind of money
you think your parents have?Copy !req
74. - Excuse me?
- Bet they have more money than mine.Copy !req
75. - Come on. Your parents have money.
- You think?Copy !req
76. - When do they ever spend money?
- Never.Copy !req
77. - What are their expenses?
- Nothing.Copy !req
78. - Where do they go on vacation?
- Nowhere.Copy !req
79. - How much do you think they have?
- Few hundred grand?Copy !req
80. You're saying I stand to inherit
$300,000? Is that what you're saying?Copy !req
81. - You may not see it for 20 years.
- Twenty years? That long?Copy !req
82. Your father eat
bacon and eggs every day?Copy !req
83. Unfortunately, yes.Copy !req
84. How's your family history?Copy !req
85. - I have an aunt that died at 7.
- Really?Copy !req
86. Aunt Baby.Copy !req
87. - Elaine, you got a moment?
- Yeah, Kramer, come on in.Copy !req
88. I need to speak to you
about some lady problems.Copy !req
89. Okay.Copy !req
90. You know, after I have sex with Emily,
I don't want her in the bed anymore.Copy !req
91. Yeah, because she's
throwing off my whole sleep.Copy !req
92. - She's got the Jimmy legs.
- Jimmy legs?Copy !req
93. Jimmy leg.Copy !req
94. So... Well, maybe I should
just be honest with her, huh?Copy !req
95. Tell her after sex
you just want her out of there?Copy !req
96. Well, I'd say it nicely.Copy !req
97. I don't think so.Copy !req
98. Well, you know,
I really like this girl.Copy !req
99. I think if I could
work out this one thing...Copy !req
100. Yeah, I gotta be
honest with you, Kramer.Copy !req
101. You might be more than
just a couple of tweaks away...Copy !req
102. from a healthy relationship.Copy !req
103. Well, you're not exactly
zeroing in yourself, lady.Copy !req
104. All right, get out.Copy !req
105. Get out!Copy !req
106. So listen, I've gotta go down to
Atlantic City. I'm performing at Bally's.Copy !req
107. You just heard about this today?Copy !req
108. They had a cancellation,
and they instantly called me.Copy !req
109. - Who cancelled?
- Carrot Top.Copy !req
110. I told you: My career is fine.Copy !req
111. I've been thinking about the family.Copy !req
112. Tell me about Aunt Baby.Copy !req
113. She's deceased.Copy !req
114. Yeah.Copy !req
115. Why did she die so young?Copy !req
116. She had problems.Copy !req
117. Internal.Copy !req
118. Is that common in our family?Copy !req
119. Well, your Uncle Moe,
he died a young man.Copy !req
120. Also internal problems.Copy !req
121. It's that temper on your side.Copy !req
122. They're yelling and yelling and then
one day, they're all gone.Copy !req
123. What about your side?
Your cousin Henny.Copy !req
124. She was sickly
from the moment I met her.Copy !req
125. Don't you talk about Henny!Copy !req
126. So I guess you two
are the lucky ones.Copy !req
127. So far.Copy !req
128. Frank, if Aunt Baby were alive today,
how old would she be?Copy !req
129. She'd never make it.Copy !req
130. So let me get this straight.
You enjoy the lovemaking...Copy !req
131. - Well, do you?
- Oh, yeah. Like strawberry pie.Copy !req
132. Okay. But you have a problem
sharing a bed with me.Copy !req
133. I know it's not what the ladies like...Copy !req
134. but without some solid sack time,
I'm a zombie.Copy !req
135. - I don't know.
- Oh, come on, man.Copy !req
136. Meet me halfway.Copy !req
137. - You're not easy, Kramer.
- I know.Copy !req
138. So to what do I owe the pleasure
of this unannounced visit?Copy !req
139. I wanna buy back the Cadillac.Copy !req
140. You wanna buy it back? Why?Copy !req
141. You got drugs hidden in the trunk?Copy !req
142. - I'm kidding.
- All right. I'll give you 9000 for it.Copy !req
143. Nine thousand for a Cadillac?
It's got no miles on it.Copy !req
144. - You bought it for six.
- You're not me.Copy !req
145. - How much do you want for it?
- The Kelley Blue Book value: $22,000.Copy !req
146. Fourteen thousand.Copy !req
147. Done. But I get
to drive it tomorrow...Copy !req
148. because Doris
wants to go to Naples.Copy !req
149. You need a pen?Copy !req
150. Still works.Copy !req
151. Hey, where's Jerry?Copy !req
152. He's performing at Bally's
in Atlantic City.Copy !req
153. Oh, okay.Copy !req
154. Yeah, I need his shoeshine kit.Copy !req
155. He always hides it from me.Copy !req
156. Yeah, Bally's?
Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld's room, please.Copy !req
157. You know that number?Copy !req
158. I used to have a problem.Copy !req
159. What do you mean,
he's not registered?Copy !req
160. - Well, S-E-I-N-V...
- F. F-E-L-D.Copy !req
161. F-E-L-D.Copy !req
162. Well, I think you're wrong.Copy !req
163. All right, you have a lucky day too.Copy !req
164. - He's not there?
- No, they never heard of him.Copy !req
165. This is so nice of you to take us
all out to dinner, George.Copy !req
166. Well, as much as I enjoy
all the good-natured ribbing...Copy !req
167. nothing really
makes me happier...Copy !req
168. than spending money
on the people I care about.Copy !req
169. - Where's Jerry?
- Oh, he'll be here.Copy !req
170. By the way, Elaine, thank you...Copy !req
171. for laying out
for the Arabian Mocha Java.Copy !req
172. George, you didn't have to do this.Copy !req
173. I'm president of a big company.
I can afford to buy you coffee.Copy !req
174. - President?
- Yeah.Copy !req
175. - Hey, look, he's back. Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
176. I got your message so I came
straight from Atlantic City.Copy !req
177. Kramer called Bally's.
You weren't registered.Copy !req
178. Well, I can't stay
under my own name.Copy !req
179. I was registered
under "Slappy White."Copy !req
180. Mom. Dad.Copy !req
181. Well, look who's here.
Hello, Seinfelds.Copy !req
182. - What are you doing here?
- We're having an upscale dinner.Copy !req
183. - What?
- Well, after talking to you...Copy !req
184. we realized we may not
have much time left.Copy !req
185. So we're blowing it all.Copy !req
186. Look, George, it's a Pierre Cardin.Copy !req
187. - That was all right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
188. Well, I'll see you.Copy !req
189. - Hello.
- Jerry.Copy !req
190. I had a little mishap with the car.Copy !req
191. I'm down here in Alligator Alley.Copy !req
192. - You better get down here.
- All right.Copy !req
193. Who was that?Copy !req
194. That was the Golden Nugget...Copy !req
195. also in Atlantic City.Copy !req
196. They heard such good things
about my show at Bally's...Copy !req
197. they want me for tonight.Copy !req
198. So I'll have to repack and go.Copy !req
199. That didn't sound
like the Golden Nugget.Copy !req
200. I'm worried. What happens
if we have to support Jerry?Copy !req
201. - I'll have to go back to work.
- Where would you work?Copy !req
202. Maybe I should talk to Elaine.Copy !req
203. Well, Mr. Seinfeld, I'm not sure
I understand why you want a job here.Copy !req
204. What's not to understand?Copy !req
205. Well, for one thing,
you live in Florida.Copy !req
206. I'm very comfortable
working out of the house.Copy !req
207. I have a phone.
We have a Kinko's nearby.Copy !req
208. You know, I think
that my résumé speaks for itself.Copy !req
209. - Where is your résumé?
- I don't have it. I'll mail you one.Copy !req
210. All right, Mr. Seinfeld...Copy !req
211. what kind of a position
did you have in mind?Copy !req
212. - You sell clothes, don't you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
213. Well, I sold raincoats
in the garment center for 38 years.Copy !req
214. - In 1949...
- All right. All right. All right.Copy !req
215. You come in tomorrow.
We'll find something for you to do.Copy !req
216. You won't regret this, Ms. Benes.Copy !req
217. What time should I be in?
I get up at 4.Copy !req
218. I could be here as early as 4:25.Copy !req
219. Oh, Elaine...Copy !req
220. this dry air is curing me
like a Black Forest ham.Copy !req
221. Mr. Peterman? You're back.Copy !req
222. Who's Mr. Fancy?Copy !req
223. I was thinking maybe
I should spend the night.Copy !req
224. Oh, that's sweet, but actually, I...Copy !req
225. I think I'd prefer it if you left.Copy !req
226. - What?
- You were completely right.Copy !req
227. I sleep so much better
when I'm alone.Copy !req
228. - And you scream in your sleep.
- I do?Copy !req
229. There was a man. He was trying
to get into my apartment last night.Copy !req
230. He was jiggling the doorknob
for 25 minutes.Copy !req
231. - Come on. It was probably the wind.
- No, no.Copy !req
232. No, it was a fearless cat burglar.Copy !req
233. Now, listen, you gotta
let me sleep here.Copy !req
234. I'll stay over here on my side,
and I'll stuff a sock in my mouth.Copy !req
235. Because I don't wanna sleep alone.Copy !req
236. Well, I do.Copy !req
237. What took you so long?Copy !req
238. I live in New York.Copy !req
239. What the hell happened?Copy !req
240. This thing is a behemoth.Copy !req
241. What did you do?Copy !req
242. I was making a simple lane change.Copy !req
243. I put on the blinker,
and it took off on me.Copy !req
244. And the next thing you know,
I was submerged.Copy !req
245. I'm telling you, Jerry, I'm very lucky
that those crocs didn't get me.Copy !req
246. You are such an idiot.Copy !req
247. Well, we got to get the car
cleaned up for my parents.Copy !req
248. Do whatever you want. It's your car.Copy !req
249. My car? You drove it
into the swamp.Copy !req
250. It drove itself into the swamp.Copy !req
251. Besides, I think I lost my pen too.Copy !req
252. You know, that almost
makes this all worthwhile.Copy !req
253. Why is there a Cadillac parked
in front of the house?Copy !req
254. That's your mother's new car.Copy !req
255. You bought that?Copy !req
256. It's a coupe de elegance.Copy !req
257. Your father wanted a Mercedes...Copy !req
258. but I won't ride in a German car.Copy !req
259. Morning.Copy !req
260. Oh, boy.Copy !req
261. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
262. I had some trouble at my place.Copy !req
263. So I need a little company
at night to sleep.Copy !req
264. George, your mother and I
and Kramer have been talking.Copy !req
265. - Oh, God.
- George...Copy !req
266. your parents can't blow
their savings in this community.Copy !req
267. It's low-rent. We feel that Florida is
really the place where they should be.Copy !req
268. You can drop a grand
in Disney World like that.Copy !req
269. Wait a minute. You're moving
to Florida again?Copy !req
270. Well, it's either that
or we stay here near you...Copy !req
271. and just sit on the money.Copy !req
272. What do you think
we should do, Georgie?Copy !req
273. So effective immediately, Ms. Benes
will return to her old position...Copy !req
274. at her original salary and I,
of course, will return to mine.Copy !req
275. Kudos, Elaine, on a job...Copy !req
276. done.Copy !req
277. What about my stock options?Copy !req
278. I think not.Copy !req
279. Now down to business.
I have had this vision...Copy !req
280. of a diaphanous rumrunner scarf.Copy !req
281. Well, we could fly some fabric in
from our silk factories...Copy !req
282. - for about $1000 dollars a bolt.
- A thousand?Copy !req
283. I know a couple of Chinamen
over on 43rd Street...Copy !req
284. - that will do it for half that.
- It's, Asian Americans.Copy !req
285. What?Copy !req
286. Who are you?Copy !req
287. - Don't worry...
- Morty Seinfeld.Copy !req
288. I cut velvet for 40 years
with Harry Alper.Copy !req
289. Okay, Mr. Seinfeld, this is not...Copy !req
290. Elaine, did you hire this man?Copy !req
291. No, no... Well, I mean, he's more
like an intern, you know, at best.Copy !req
292. So if your parents move to Florida,
you're poor.Copy !req
293. - But happy.
- Obviously.Copy !req
294. And if they stay, you're rich, but...Copy !req
295. Obviously.Copy !req
296. It's quite a dilemma.Copy !req
297. You know, I have
a bit of a dilemma of my own.Copy !req
298. No, no, no.Copy !req
299. We're staying on me.
We haven't solved anything yet.Copy !req
300. All right. This is easy.
Just let them go. So now, listen...Copy !req
301. What do you mean?
They're spending all my money.Copy !req
302. All right. Then they stay.
Let me ask you a ques...Copy !req
303. Could you put
a little thought into this?Copy !req
304. Jerry's gone. You could humor me.
He humors me.Copy !req
305. Speaking of Jerry...Copy !req
306. his father is driving me
so crazy down at Peterman's.Copy !req
307. Know what I do when one of these
guys is breathing down my neck?Copy !req
308. - What?
- You schedule a late meeting.Copy !req
309. - What does that do?
- Old guys are up at 4 a.m.Copy !req
310. By 2:30, they're wiped...
How did we get back on to you?Copy !req
311. I gotta go.Copy !req
312. You know I got nothing out of this.Copy !req
313. - Hey, Frank.
- Yeah.Copy !req
314. You got two beds in here.Copy !req
315. That's right. That's me on the left.Copy !req
316. So you sleep in separate beds.Copy !req
317. Thirty years ago
we came to an agreement.Copy !req
318. The only way
I could get some rest.Copy !req
319. Really?Copy !req
320. Estelle has got the jimmy arms.Copy !req
321. You can get that in your arms?Copy !req
322. Like you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
323. Jerry, it's getting late.Copy !req
324. You cleaned up the car.Copy !req
325. You made all your phone calls.Copy !req
326. Why are you still here?Copy !req
327. Well, I maxed out my credit cards.Copy !req
328. And I don't have enough cash
for a hotel room.Copy !req
329. - So...
- You are thinking of staying here?Copy !req
330. - Well...
- You've got some nerve.Copy !req
331. I almost break my neck
in that deathtrap of yours...Copy !req
332. and now you ask me for a favor?Copy !req
333. Didn't like that crack
about the pen?Copy !req
334. I did not.Copy !req
335. Well, I've given this
a lot of thought...Copy !req
336. and I've gotta say...Copy !req
337. As much as I'd like to see
the two of you living it up...Copy !req
338. in a warm, tropical setting...Copy !req
339. I would just miss you too much.Copy !req
340. So I've decided...Copy !req
341. I want you to stay.Copy !req
342. It's too late.Copy !req
343. We bought a condo
at Del Boca Vista.Copy !req
344. We're leaving tonight.Copy !req
345. You said it was my call.Copy !req
346. We were just being nice.Copy !req
347. Cosmo, are you sure you're
gonna be all right here alone?Copy !req
348. Oh, yeah, I got Emily
coming over tonight.Copy !req
349. You're letting him
have a woman over?Copy !req
350. He's not family.
It's different psychologically.Copy !req
351. And so I made an explosive
out of chickpeas.Copy !req
352. And I stopped that great rhino
right in his tracks.Copy !req
353. - It's getting late. Why don't we...
- Mr. Peterman...Copy !req
354. that can't have been the only time
that you faced mortal danger.Copy !req
355. Funny you should ask, Elaine.Copy !req
356. If we're gonna stay
till all hours of the night...Copy !req
357. can't we at least
get some food here?Copy !req
358. It's only 5:15.Copy !req
359. So later on that same day...Copy !req
360. I developed a great hankering
for some wild honey.Copy !req
361. Okay, I'm done.Copy !req
362. I'll be back in the morning when
he's close to finished with this story.Copy !req
363. Morty.Copy !req
364. My stories
are what sell these clothes.Copy !req
365. Cheap fabric and dim lighting:Copy !req
366. That's how you move merchandise.Copy !req
367. Okay.Copy !req
368. You're out.Copy !req
369. I never knew what I was
peddling with those stupid cartoons...Copy !req
370. and that paper book anyway.Copy !req
371. I don't know why I let you talk me
into that corned beef at Snitzers.Copy !req
372. - No one held a gun to your head.
- Yeah.Copy !req
373. Don't forget: We're eating
at the Fidermans' tomorrow.Copy !req
374. Why do I have to go?
They're your friends.Copy !req
375. - You like them.
- I've had it with them.Copy !req
376. Then we won't go.Copy !req
377. Okay, okay. What time?Copy !req
378. Eight-thirty.Copy !req
379. That was all right.Copy !req
380. "One bright note in today's market
was the stock of retailer J. Peterman...Copy !req
381. whose founder's surprise return
generated a rise...Copy !req
382. of 12 and a half points."Copy !req
383. That means if you still had
those stock options...Copy !req
384. Yeah.Copy !req
385. That's a shame.Copy !req
386. What are you, sticking it to me?Copy !req
387. - What?
- I think you're sticking it to me.Copy !req
388. I'm sure George
is just being sympathetic.Copy !req
389. Sticking it!Copy !req
390. You're not alone.
I'm practically broke.Copy !req
391. - Really?
- No.Copy !req
392. But...Copy !req
393. I did blow over 20,000
on that Cadillac.Copy !req
394. Delicious.Copy !req
395. - You seem happy.
- Hey, the folks are 1200 miles away.Copy !req
396. I'm basking in the buffer zone.Copy !req
397. Another piece of pie here.Copy !req
398. So were your parents shocked
to see the Cadillac?Copy !req
399. Actually, I haven't heard
from them yet.Copy !req
400. When are we gonna tell Jerry?Copy !req
401. I don't wanna worry him.Copy !req
402. We'll tell him next time we go up.Copy !req
403. He thought he could buy back
that Cadillac for us?Copy !req
404. He's not getting away with that.Copy !req
405. Besides, that condo
was too much house.Copy !req
406. How many times
can you check the car?Copy !req
407. I saw a bum sleeping
in the Cadillac the other day.Copy !req
408. Why would someone
break into a car to take a nap?Copy !req
409. They don't nap.
They make it their home.Copy !req
410. They urinate in there.Copy !req
411. You're driving me crazy.Copy !req
412. That's it. We're going back
to Queens. Where's my hat?Copy !req
413. No!Copy !req