1. I don't know why people are surprised...Copy !req
2. when someone gets hit in
the head with a golf ball?Copy !req
3. Have you watched
the tournaments on TV?Copy !req
4. You got 600 people
crowding around a hole that big...Copy !req
5. and no one believes it
when a Titleist...Copy !req
6. bounces off someone's coconut.Copy !req
7. You know, you throw a rock into
a crowd, that's considered terrorism.Copy !req
8. But if you have a nice follow-through,
you know, that's golf.Copy !req
9. I'm always impressed
with the golf cameraman...Copy !req
10. whose job it is to follow the golf ball
when it's in the sky.Copy !req
11. It's a little white ball doing 100 miles
an hour on a white background.Copy !req
12. "l got it. I lost it. I got it. I lost it."Copy !req
13. Why bother? Aim the camera
at the sky. Aim it at the ground.Copy !req
14. Take a ball out of your pocket.
Throw it down.Copy !req
15. Who's gonna know
where the hell it came from?Copy !req
16. How did you lock your keys
in your car?Copy !req
17. How? Because I'm an idiot.Copy !req
18. - Why didn't you get a locksmith?
- I was going to.Copy !req
19. Then I found out the Auto Club has
free locksmith service, so I signed up.Copy !req
20. Just waiting
for the membership to kick in.Copy !req
21. How long has your car been sitting
in the Yankee parking lot?Copy !req
22. I don't know. About three days.Copy !req
23. Hello, boys.Copy !req
24. - You're not playing golf?
- Yes, indeed.Copy !req
25. Calendar says winter,
but the gods of spring are out.Copy !req
26. - And the course is open?
- No, no.Copy !req
27. I sneak in with Stan the Caddy.
We go through the caddies' entrance.Copy !req
28. - No kidding.
- I'll tell you something else.Copy !req
29. Stan's advice has transformed
my game. He's never wrong.Copy !req
30. He thinks eventually I'll have a shot
at making it big on the Senior Tour.Copy !req
31. Oh, that's my dream, Jerry.Copy !req
32. - Really, you're getting that good?
- Oh, I'm the real deal.Copy !req
33. Yeah, here, Stan. In here.
There he is.Copy !req
34. Jerry, George, this is Stan the Caddy.Copy !req
35. - How you doing?
- Hi.Copy !req
36. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
37. - Ready to hit the links?
- You betcha.Copy !req
38. - What are those, cotton pants?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
39. What, is it too cold out?Copy !req
40. Here's what you do.
You bring a lightweight jacket.Copy !req
41. That way, the sun comes out,
you play the jacket off the sweater.Copy !req
42. Oh, that makes sense.
That's a good call, Stan.Copy !req
43. All right. We'll see you later.Copy !req
44. - Yeah, we'll see you.
- See you.Copy !req
45. - Stan the Caddy.
- Stan the Caddy.Copy !req
46. Elaine?Copy !req
47. Hi.Copy !req
48. Oh, great. It's the braless wonder.Copy !req
49. Who does she think she's kidding?Copy !req
50. Look at her,
she's totally out of control.Copy !req
51. I was thinking, "That woman
looks like Elaine Benes."Copy !req
52. Yeah. What have you been up to?Copy !req
53. - Just been hanging out.
- I see.Copy !req
54. Listen, I'm having a birthday party
tomorrow evening.Copy !req
55. - I'd love it if you came by.
- Oh, tomorrow.Copy !req
56. - I don't know if I can.
- No?Copy !req
57. - No, I'm just really, really busy.
- Oh, that's too bad.Copy !req
58. Well, I hope you can
get me a gift anyway.Copy !req
59. - George.
- Mr. Wilhelm.Copy !req
60. I'm sorry to interrupt you,
but Mr. Steinbrenner and l...Copy !req
61. want you to know we appreciate
all the hours you've been putting in.Copy !req
62. Oh, and confidentially...Copy !req
63. Sozonkel, assistant to the general
manager, hasn't been working out...Copy !req
64. and the boss thinks
you're the man for the job.Copy !req
65. So keep it under your hat.Copy !req
66. Assistant to the general manager!
Do you know what that means?Copy !req
67. He could be asking my advice
on trades.Copy !req
68. Trades, Jerry. I'm a heartbeat away.Copy !req
69. That's a hell of an organization
they're running up there.Copy !req
70. I can't understand why they haven't
won a pennant in 15 years.Copy !req
71. And it is all because of that car.Copy !req
72. See, Steinbrenner is, like,
the first guy in at the crack of dawn.Copy !req
73. He sees my car.
He figures I'm the first guy in.Copy !req
74. Then the last person to leave
is Wilhelm.Copy !req
75. He sees my car. He figures
I'm burning the midnight oil.Copy !req
76. Between the two of them, they
think I'm working an 18-hour day.Copy !req
77. Locking your keys in your car is
the best career move you ever made.Copy !req
78. - Hey.
- Hey. How you doing?Copy !req
79. - Better now.
- Yeah? What happened?Copy !req
80. - You know Sue Ellen Mischke?
- Sue Ellen Mischke?Copy !req
81. Yeah, the woman I grew up with
in Maryland.Copy !req
82. - She moved here last year.
- Sounds familiar.Copy !req
83. The heiress to the
Oh Henry! candy-bar fortune?Copy !req
84. - You mentioned her.
- Yes. I ran into her today.Copy !req
85. This woman has never, not once ever,
as long as I have known her...Copy !req
86. worn a bra.Copy !req
87. - That is shameless.
- Well, she's disgusting. She's a pig.Copy !req
88. - There's no reason. That's wrong.
- The woman's a pig.Copy !req
89. - It's rude.
- All right. There's no point.Copy !req
90. - Come on. Come on. We're sorry.
- We're only kidding.Copy !req
91. You don't understand.
See, she hasn't changed at all.Copy !req
92. She stole my boyfriend
when I was in high school.Copy !req
93. I was at this party, and I was
dating this really cute guy.Copy !req
94. His name was
Tom Cosley, by the way.Copy !req
95. And she goes walking by
in this little floozy outfit...Copy !req
96. and he follows her
right out the door.Copy !req
97. She's your Lex Luthor.Copy !req
98. Her birthday's coming up, see?
So I decided to get her a little present.Copy !req
99. - What are you gonna get her?
- A very traditional...Copy !req
100. a very supportive...Copy !req
101. brassiere.Copy !req
102. - There's nothing subtle about that.
- No, no, she might just think it's a gift.Copy !req
103. Have I ever bought you
a jockstrap as a gift?Copy !req
104. Hey.Copy !req
105. What are you doing here?
Aren't you supposed to be at work?Copy !req
106. I'm thinking of leaving town
with Susan for a few days.Copy !req
107. Her parents rebuilt the cabin.Copy !req
108. So you're just taking off from work?Copy !req
109. Yeah, well, they won't know.
I got the car there.Copy !req
110. Is this a good idea, with you being
on the verge of this big promotion?Copy !req
111. My presence in that office
can only hurt my chances.Copy !req
112. Sue Ellen Mischke to see you.Copy !req
113. Sue Ellen Mischke?Copy !req
114. All right. Send her in.Copy !req
115. Hi, Elaine.Copy !req
116. Hello.Copy !req
117. I was in the neighbourhood...Copy !req
118. so I thought I'd stop in
and thank you for your lovely gift.Copy !req
119. Oh, you're welcome.Copy !req
120. Is anything wrong?Copy !req
121. Well, Sue Ellen, it's....Copy !req
122. It's not a top.Copy !req
123. It's a bra.Copy !req
124. Oh, I know.Copy !req
125. Thanks again.Copy !req
126. This is the life, isn't it, huh, kid?Copy !req
127. - You wanna check out a swap meet?
- Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
128. - Where'd you get that?
- It was on the windshield...Copy !req
129. when we came out
of that rest stop.Copy !req
130. - Hello.
- Hey, hey, it's George.Copy !req
131. - I need a favour.
- What's going on?Copy !req
132. I just remembered. There's a
restaurant near Yankee stadium...Copy !req
133. - that puts fliers on all the cars.
- Yeah, so?Copy !req
134. This is what you gotta do. Go to the
parking lot, take the fliers off my car.Copy !req
135. Last time you had me throwing
bread up three floors to you.Copy !req
136. Now you want me
to go to the Bronx...Copy !req
137. take fliers off your car.
Where does it end?Copy !req
138. All right, fine. I'll drive the three hours
each way and take them off myself.Copy !req
139. All right. I'll do it.Copy !req
140. - Hey, what are you up to?
- Nothing.Copy !req
141. You wanna go to the Bronx
and see if there's fliers...Copy !req
142. - on George's car?
- Sure.Copy !req
143. - I could have said just about anything.
- Yeah.Copy !req
144. Oh, man, look at this mess.Copy !req
145. You know what will happen
if they see this?Copy !req
146. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
147. - I don't know.
- Well, we gotta get it washed.Copy !req
148. Oh, the keys are locked inside.Copy !req
149. Wait a second.Copy !req
150. - What are you gonna do?
- I'll just snag the lock with this.Copy !req
151. There we go.Copy !req
152. This is quite a life I lead here.Copy !req
153. - George has to be happy about this.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
154. Oh, my God, Kramer,
is that woman just wearing a bra?Copy !req
155. Oh, mama.Copy !req
156. Kramer!Copy !req
157. My God, are you okay?Copy !req
158. I got a cut on my head
and I banged my shoulder.Copy !req
159. I guess I have to bring his car back up
to the stadium. If it can make it.Copy !req
160. - So how did this happen?
- He was staring at some woman.Copy !req
161. Well, I couldn't help it.
You saw what she was wearing.Copy !req
162. - What woman?
- There was a beautiful woman...Copy !req
163. walking down the street
wearing just a bra.Copy !req
164. I can't get that image
out of my mind.Copy !req
165. - Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
166. - Was it a tall woman in a black blazer?
- Yeah.Copy !req
167. - That's Sue Ellen Mischke.
- Sue Ellen Mischke?Copy !req
168. That's the bra I gave her.
She's wearing it as a top.Copy !req
169. A woman is walking around in broad
daylight with nothing but a bra on.Copy !req
170. She's a menace to society.Copy !req
171. Hey, you know, my arm really hurts.Copy !req
172. I wonder if it's gonna affect
my golf swing.Copy !req
173. I got your message.
How's the shoulder?Copy !req
174. - It's my left arm. I can't swing it.
- Oh, no, not the left arm!Copy !req
175. What happens if I can't play
like I was?Copy !req
176. What about the tour
and all my dreams?Copy !req
177. I got it!Copy !req
178. Let's sue her.Copy !req
179. - Sue her?
- Yeah, she's loaded.Copy !req
180. She's the heiress to the
Oh Henry! candy-bar fortune.Copy !req
181. I can't. I learned my lesson
from that coffee company.Copy !req
182. Kramer, listen to me.Copy !req
183. Listen. This is
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.Copy !req
184. Your dreams have been shattered.Copy !req
185. Somebody's gotta be
held accountable.Copy !req
186. Come on. We'll take her
for every penny she's got.Copy !req
187. What do you think, Stan?Copy !req
188. Let's go for the green.Copy !req
189. You know a good lawyer?Copy !req
190. So you're driving in the car.Copy !req
191. You're with your friend,
minding your own business.Copy !req
192. - Then what happened?
- We saw this woman...Copy !req
193. and she was wearing a bra
with no top.Copy !req
194. No top? She didn't have a top on?Copy !req
195. Yeah, so I got distracted
and I crashed the car.Copy !req
196. How would you describe
this woman?Copy !req
197. Would you say she was attractive?Copy !req
198. - Oh, yeah.
- So we got an attractive woman...Copy !req
199. wearing a bra, no top,
walking around in broad daylight.Copy !req
200. She's flouting society's conventions.Copy !req
201. - She was flouting.
- That's totally inappropriate.Copy !req
202. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious,
outrageous.Copy !req
203. It was outrageous.Copy !req
204. And she's the heir to
the Oh Henry! candy-bar fortune.Copy !req
205. Could you repeat that?Copy !req
206. I said, she's the heir to
the Oh Henry! candy-bar fortune.Copy !req
207. Oh Henry!?Copy !req
208. That's one of our
top-selling candy bars.Copy !req
209. It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat.Copy !req
210. It's delicious, scrumptious,
outstanding.Copy !req
211. - Have you been to a doctor?
- No.Copy !req
212. Suzy, call Dr. Bison.
Set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer.Copy !req
213. Tell him it's for me.Copy !req
214. So, what do you think, Jackie?
I mean, we got a case?Copy !req
215. Like taking candy from a baby.Copy !req
216. I think I got it. How about this?Copy !req
217. We trade Jim Leyritz
and Bernie Williams...Copy !req
218. for Barry Bonds.
What do you think?Copy !req
219. Then I have Griffey and
Bonds in the same outfield.Copy !req
220. Now you got a team.Copy !req
221. I don't know, George.
I'm still worried about this car thing.Copy !req
222. - Would you stop worrying?
- Well, what about the fliers?Copy !req
223. Jerry took the fliers off the car.
I got the whole thing covered.Copy !req
224. Come in.Copy !req
225. - Wilhelm.
- Mr. Steinbrenner...Copy !req
226. I am very concerned about
George Costanza.Copy !req
227. - How about a "good morning"?
- Yes, sir. Good morning, sir.Copy !req
228. Good morning, Wilhelm.Copy !req
229. Anyway, his car is in the parking lot,
the front end is bashed in...Copy !req
230. and there's blood in the car,
and we can't find him anywhere.Copy !req
231. Obviously, he was in some sort of
a terrible car accident...Copy !req
232. and trouper that he is,
he tried to make it into work, sir.Copy !req
233. Wilhelm, listen to me.
I want the stadium scoured.Copy !req
234. He could be bleeding in the bullpen.Copy !req
235. Everyone on alert.
Check hospitals, clinics, shelters.Copy !req
236. - We've gotta find that kid.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
237. - We must find George.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
238. - Find him, Wilhelm.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
239. Excuse me. Do you know
the gentleman across the hall?Copy !req
240. Yes. Yes, I do.Copy !req
241. Do you know if he'll
be back anytime soon?Copy !req
242. No, I don't.Copy !req
243. Is there something
I can help you with?Copy !req
244. No, I really just needed
to speak with him.Copy !req
245. Well, you can wait for him in here
if you like.Copy !req
246. Well, maybe I will.Copy !req
247. - If you don't mind.
- No, no, not at all.Copy !req
248. - Thanks.
- I'm Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
249. What is with these people?
All day long. Come in. Come in.Copy !req
250. Mr. Steinbrenner, you know,
we've searched everywhere.Copy !req
251. There's no sign of him.Copy !req
252. Not even anyone who
remotely fits his description, sir.Copy !req
253. Oh, my God.Copy !req
254. - Do you know what this means?
- What, sir?Copy !req
255. He's dead. Costanza's dead.Copy !req
256. - No, no, sir. You see...
- As quickly as he came, he's gone.Copy !req
257. The poor little guy.Copy !req
258. Easy, Big Stein, get it together.Copy !req
259. - Okay, Wilhelm.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
260. Find out where his parents live.
I'm gonna personally notify them.Copy !req
261. And line up some candidates
to fill that assistant position.Copy !req
262. - Yes, sir.
- We can't grieve forever.Copy !req
263. Gotta get back to business.Copy !req
264. - Back to business, Wilhelm.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
265. Well, buddy, he's taking the case.Copy !req
266. Jackie Chiles is right on it.
Right on it. He's all over it.Copy !req
267. - Oh, really?
- Why? What's wrong? Come on.Copy !req
268. I don't know. So the woman was
walking around in a bra.Copy !req
269. I mean, it's no big deal.
You're still driving.Copy !req
270. You should have been
watching the road.Copy !req
271. Well, your attitude
has certainly changed.Copy !req
272. I don't think it's changed.Copy !req
273. Listen, I'm gonna need you
to testify.Copy !req
274. - I don't know if I can.
- Jerry, you gotta testify.Copy !req
275. - Kramer, I don't think l...
- Listen.Copy !req
276. This is a million dollars we're talking
about, Jerry. This is the big league.Copy !req
277. - I need you on my team, Jerry.
- Well, I'm not sure how I feel about it.Copy !req
278. All right, what's gotten into you?
What's happened?Copy !req
279. Nothing's happened.Copy !req
280. What's this?Copy !req
281. - No, wait a second. Wait a second.
- Oh, I see. Yes.Copy !req
282. Little Miss Candy Bar
paid a visit, didn't she?Copy !req
283. - Kramer, it is not what you think.
- I know what I think.Copy !req
284. I think you're gaga over this dame.Copy !req
285. She's twisted you around
her little finger...Copy !req
286. and now you're willing to sell
me and Elaine...Copy !req
287. and whoever else you have to
right down the river.Copy !req
288. And what about you?Copy !req
289. Trying to bilk an innocent bystander
out of a family fortune...Copy !req
290. built on sweat and toil manufacturing
quality Oh Henry! candy bars...Copy !req
291. - for honest, hardworking Americans.
- You're just out for sex!Copy !req
292. You're just out for money!Copy !req
293. - Mrs. Costanza?
- Yes.Copy !req
294. My name is George Steinbrenner.Copy !req
295. I'm afraid I have some very sad news
about your son.Copy !req
296. I can't believe it. He was so young.
How could this have happened?Copy !req
297. He'd been logging heavy hours.Copy !req
298. First one in, last one to leave.
The kid was a human dynamo.Copy !req
299. Are you sure you're talking
about George?Copy !req
300. You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?Copy !req
301. What the hell did you
trade Jay Buhner for?Copy !req
302. He had 30 home runs
and over 100 RBls last year.Copy !req
303. He's got a rocket for an arm.Copy !req
304. You don't know what the hell
you're doing!Copy !req
305. Buhner was a good prospect.
No question about it.Copy !req
306. But my baseball people
loved Ken Phelps' bat.Copy !req
307. They kept saying, "Ken Phelps."Copy !req
308. I'm not here. Leave a message.Copy !req
309. Jerry, it's Frank Costanza.Copy !req
310. Mr. Steinbrenner's here.
George is dead. Call me back.Copy !req
311. - Hello?
- Hey, it's George.Copy !req
312. - Where have you been?
- What?Copy !req
313. I just got a bizarre message
from your father.Copy !req
314. Steinbrenner's at your house.
They think you're dead.Copy !req
315. - Dead?
- And we had an accident with the car.Copy !req
316. It's a little crumpled.Copy !req
317. - My car's a little crumpled?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
318. I didn't know what to do,
so I put it back at the stadium.Copy !req
319. Wait a second. Wait a second.Copy !req
320. They saw the car and the blood, that's
why Steinbrenner thinks you're dead.Copy !req
321. I gotta head back right away.
I gotta figure something out here.Copy !req
322. - You gotta call your parents.
- I can't. Steinbrenner might be there.Copy !req
323. Aren't you gonna tell your parents
you're still alive?Copy !req
324. They could use the break.Copy !req
325. Elaine, do you see this?Copy !req
326. Do you see what I'm holding
in my hands?Copy !req
327. Yeah, it's a bra.Copy !req
328. I saw a woman in our hallway
wearing one of these as a top.Copy !req
329. What exquisite beauty.Copy !req
330. I ran down the hallway
to talk to her...Copy !req
331. but the elevator door closed.
It was not to be.Copy !req
332. Perhaps our paths
will cross again someday.Copy !req
333. What is this all about?Copy !req
334. I want to market this item as
a new direction in women's fashion.Copy !req
335. We're gonna sell this as a top.Copy !req
336. Here's the angle. Zelda Fitzgerald...Copy !req
337. somebody of the '20s...Copy !req
338. wearing this at wild parties,
driving all the men crazy.Copy !req
339. Have it on my desk
by the end of the week.Copy !req
340. Come in. Come in.Copy !req
341. Mr. Steinbrenner.Copy !req
342. Is it you?Copy !req
343. Yeah, it's me, sir.Copy !req
344. It's been a harrowing few days.Copy !req
345. After the car accident,
I crawled into a ditch.Copy !req
346. I managed to survive...Copy !req
347. on grubs and puddle water until a
kindly old gentleman picked me up.Copy !req
348. Grubs, huh? Gotta admit,
I never tasted one of those.Copy !req
349. Anyway, as I was lying
in the puddle...Copy !req
350. I think I may have found a way
for us to get Bonds and Griffey...Copy !req
351. and we wouldn't
give up that much.Copy !req
352. Don't tell it to me. Tell it to the
new assistant to the general manager.Copy !req
353. I didn't get the job?Copy !req
354. You were dead. We couldn't sit on
our hands. We had to make a move.Copy !req
355. But you still have your old job.Copy !req
356. Of course we'll have to
dock the time you missed.Copy !req
357. We're running a ball club.Copy !req
358. If I give special treatment to you,
everyone will want it. Next, it's chaos.Copy !req
359. And I can tell you this; Chaos does
not work for the New York Yankees.Copy !req
360. Not as long
as I'm running the show!Copy !req
361. So it was the meeting on the street
that prompted you to buy the bra.Copy !req
362. - Would you say that was correct?
- Yes.Copy !req
363. Yes. That's correct.Copy !req
364. And you have also brought with you
another bra...Copy !req
365. exactly like the one that she
so flagrantly exhibited herself in?Copy !req
366. Yes, that's correct.Copy !req
367. What was your golf score
the last round you played...Copy !req
368. - before your shoulder was injured?
- Three under par.Copy !req
369. Three under par.Copy !req
370. That's what the professionals shoot,
isn't it?Copy !req
371. Well, if they're lucky.Copy !req
372. Would you tell this jury...Copy !req
373. exactly what you saw at the corner
of 83rd Street and Columbus?Copy !req
374. I don't remember.Copy !req
375. Did you or did you not see
the defendant wearing the bra?Copy !req
376. I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
377. Mr. Seinfeld, I might remind you
that you are under oath.Copy !req
378. Now, I ask you again.Copy !req
379. Did you or did you not
see this woman wearing a bra?Copy !req
380. All right, I saw her. I saw her.Copy !req
381. And she was beautiful in that bra.
I'm crazy about her.Copy !req
382. I love her whole free-swinging,
freewheeling attitude.Copy !req
383. This court will come to order.Copy !req
384. - No further questions, Your Honour.
- You may step down.Copy !req
385. Well, Kramer,
I think we got this wrapped up.Copy !req
386. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
387. What's your read, Stan?Copy !req
388. You're close. You're on the green.Copy !req
389. You just have to go for the cup.Copy !req
390. - What do you mean?
- Have her try on the bra.Copy !req
391. - See if it fits.
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
392. Do it, Jackie. Stan's the man.Copy !req
393. - Stan? Who the hell is Stan?
- He's my caddy.Copy !req
394. Your caddy? This is a big mistake.Copy !req
395. Your Honour...Copy !req
396. we request at this time
that Miss Mischke try on the bra.Copy !req
397. This court will come to order.Copy !req
398. Go ahead, Miss Mischke, try it on.Copy !req
399. It doesn't fit. I can't put it on.Copy !req
400. You damn fools! Look at that.
We got nothing now. Nothing.Copy !req
401. I've been practicing law for 25 years,
you're listening to a caddy.Copy !req
402. This is a public humiliation.Copy !req
403. You can't let the defendant
control the key piece of evidence.Copy !req
404. Plus, she's trying it on over a leotard.
Of course it won't fit over a leotard.Copy !req
405. A bra's gotta fit right up against
a person's skin. Like a glove!Copy !req
406. Hey, Elaine. How about some lunch?Copy !req
407. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
408. Great job on the Gatsby Swing Top.
It's a winner.Copy !req
409. Yeah. Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
410. Sure you don't wanna go?
We have reservations.Copy !req
411. Oh, I don't think you'll have
any trouble getting a table.Copy !req
412. - Ciao.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req