1. All right, what am I
supposed to do here?
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2. Should I go over there?
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3. It's not like somebody died.
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4. It's Beaches, for God's sake.
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5. If she was sittin' next to me,
I'd put my arm around her.
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6. If she was sittin' next to me,
I'd put my arm around her.
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7. I can't see makin'
a big move
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8. like goin' all the way
over there.
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9. I can't.
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10. I won't.
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11. So she calls me this morning.
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12. Tells me she's upset that
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13. I didn't console her.
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14. I mean, it was Beaches,
for God's sake.
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15. I mean, what do you do
in a situation like that?
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16. Where were ya?
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17. I was sittin'
on the chair.
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18. She was over here
on the couch.
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19. Mm-hm.
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20. If you were sittin'
right next to her,
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21. you'd have to console her
no matter what.
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22. Of course.
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23. When you're talking about
a movie like Beaches,
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24. moving from the chair
to the couch...
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25. moving from the chair
to the couch...
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26. That's quite a voyage.
Yeah.
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27. Hey.
Hey.
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28. Hey. We gotta
get goin'. C'mon.
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29. Where you goin'?
Show League game.
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30. The Improv's playing Rochelle,
The Musical.
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31. Really?
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32. What, is Bette Midler playing?
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33. Is she gonna be there?
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34. She might be. She's
the star of the show.
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35. Wh— Bette Midler is gonna be
in the park today?
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36. Jerry, don't tease me.
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37. I didn't know
you were such a Midler fan.
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38. So maybe I'll go down
and watch, huh?
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39. She'll be there maybe, huh?
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40. So is Gennice
playing today?
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41. So is Gennice
playing today?
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42. Yeah. She might be.
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43. What Gennice?
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44. That's, uh, the understudy.
I'm dating her.
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45. Oh. Is this, uh,
Bette Midler's understudy?
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46. Yeah.
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47. Ah. Understudies, now—
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48. They're a shifty bunch.
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49. The substitute teachers
of the theatre world.
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50. I'm glad that
she's an understudy.
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51. This way I avoid having
to go backstage
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52. and think of something
to say.
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53. Going backstage
is the worst.
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54. Especially when they stink.
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55. You know,
then it's a real problem.
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56. Just once I'd like to tell
someone they stink.
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57. "Hey, you know what?
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58. "Heh, I didn't like the show.
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59. "Heh, I didn't like the show.
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60. "I didn't like you.
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61. "You just really stunk.
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62. "The whole thing, real bad.
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63. "Stinkaroo.
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64. Thanks for the tickets though."
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65. Miss Elaine,
you late.
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66. I know. I know.
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67. I didn't have change
for the bus.
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68. Nobody'll give you change
in this city.
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69. So they threw me off the bus.
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70. Oh, but you have to wait
for Lotus now.
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71. Well, how long is it
gonna take?
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72. I have, like,
a million things to do.
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73. I have, like,
a million things to do.
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74. What?
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75. What?
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76. Not long.
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77. What— What?
What is so funny?
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78. What— What?
What is so funny?
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79. Uh...
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80. Sunny, tell
a knock-knock joke.
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81. Yeah.
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82. I'm telling you, Jerry.
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83. I have a sneaking suspicion
they're talking about me.
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84. I think they've been
calling me a dog.
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85. How would you know?
You don't speak Korean.
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86. Because this woman
came in with a dog,
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87. and Ruby called the dog
the same word they were saying
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88. when they were
pointing at me.
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89. Geh. Geh. Geh.
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90. You know, maybe in Korean,
"dog" isn't an insult.
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91. You know, maybe in Korean,
"dog" isn't an insult.
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92. Could be like
the word "fox" to us.
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93. "Oh, she's a dog."
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94. Why don't you go
to another nail shop.
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95. Because they're the best,
Jerry.
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96. The best.
Look.
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97. Maybe I'm just
being paranoid.
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98. What you need is a translator
to go in the shop with you
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99. and tell you
what they're saying.
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100. Yeah, who speaks Korean?
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101. Know who speaks Korean?
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102. Who?
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103. George's father.
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104. Oh, God, you've
gotta be kidding me.
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105. How does he speak Korean?
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106. He used to go there
a lot on business.
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107. What did he do?
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108. Sold religious articles,
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109. statues of Jesus,
the Virgin Mary,
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110. manufactured in Korea.
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111. manufactured in Korea.
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112. George, does your father
speak Korean?
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113. Yeah. Fluently.
Really?
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114. In fact, he once spoke
to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
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115. Thanks.
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116. Oh, hi, Gennice.
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117. Hey.
Hey, Jerry.
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118. You know, George.
This is Kramer.
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119. Nice to meet you.
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120. Playin' today?
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121. No, I'm a bench player.
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122. You know, they really stick
to that understudy rule.
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123. So she's coming?
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124. Oh, yeah, she'll be here.
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125. Guaranteed.
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126. Guaranteed.
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127. Oh, no.
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128. My frankfurter.
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129. My frankfurter fell.
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130. Oh, no.
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131. It was really good.
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132. I can't believe that
I dropped it.
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133. It's okay.
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134. It's just a hot dog.
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135. Don't worry. Everything
is gonna be okay.
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136. It was really good.
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137. It's Bette!
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138. Hi.
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139. Hi.
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140. Look.
There she is.
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141. It's Bette.
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142. It's Bette.
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143. Psst.
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144. Uh, Bette?
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145. Psst!
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146. Hi.
Hi.
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147. Um, you know, I just wanna say,
I think you're wonderful.
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148. Um, you know, I just wanna say,
I think you're wonderful.
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149. Heh. Thank you.
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150. Yeah, you know, I've seen you
in everything you've done.
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151. Really?
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152. Is there anything
I can get you?
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153. A water? They got
Italian ice over here.
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154. What flavors do they have?
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155. Well, they got chocolate,
lemon and cherry.
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156. How about pineapple?
Pineapple.
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157. Sure, I'll be right back.
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158. Thanks.
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159. One pineapple.
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160. No pineapple.
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161. Just cherry, lemon
and tutti-frutti.
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162. Wha— Oh, uh...
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163. Anyway, Mr. Costanza,
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164. what I want you to do is to go
into the shop with me
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165. and tell me
what they're saying.
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166. You do speak Korean?
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167. I once talked
to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
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168. He bought
two Jesus statues from me.
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169. He's a hell of a nice guy.
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170. Ah.
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171. Ever seen that face on him?
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172. It was like a big apple pie.
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173. Yup, yeah.
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174. Uh, ahem, listen,
Mr. Costanza, if, um—
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175. If you do this for me,
I can get you a manicure.
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176. I'll pay for it.
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177. I'll pay for it.
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178. Or you can get a pedicure
if you want.
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179. No one's touchin' my feet.
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180. Between you and me,
Elaine,
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181. I think I got
a foot-odor problem.
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182. Hold it up. Time.
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183. Time!
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184. How you feelin'?
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185. Pretty good.
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186. Pretty good.
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187. You feelin' okay?
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188. What's your problem?
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189. Now, listen. She's all over
the inside of the plate.
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190. You know, she thinks
she's a big star.
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191. Thinks she owns
the inside corner.
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192. So I say we back her off
with a little chin music.
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193. You know I what mean?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
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194. Why don't you go back
and play your position there.
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195. Just trying to help.
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196. I know what you're
trying to do.
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197. You're throwing off
my rhythm.
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198. Go get her.
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199. Caught that, uh—
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200. Caught that, uh—
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201. What is it, Beaches,
on cable last night.
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202. Wind beneath my wings, huh?
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203. Give me a break.
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204. Hey, get some talent.
Then you can mouth off.
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205. Strike three.
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206. What are you blind?
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207. You stink.
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208. What's that?
Nothing.
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209. Nothing.
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210. I had an affair
with a Korean woman.
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211. Uh, Mr. Costanza,
I don't—
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212. No, I feel I need
to unburden myself.
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213. I loved her very deeply,
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214. but the clash of cultures
was too much.
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215. Her family would not accept me.
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216. Mr. Costanza,
I'm not comfort—
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217. Maybe it was because
I refused to take off my shoes.
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218. Again, the foot-odor problem.
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219. Her father would
look at me and say:
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220. Which means, "This guy—
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221. This is not my kinda guy."
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222. Pineapple? Yeah, sure,
I got pineapple.
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223. Yeah, all right.
Okay. Thanks.
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224. Move in. Move in,
everybody.
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225. Get your shrimp here.
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226. Big-mouth shrimp
on special today!
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227. Come on, George.
We just need one run.
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228. Come on, George!
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229. I got the pineapple!
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230. I got the pineapple!
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231. Keeping going!
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232. All the way!
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233. Come on, come on!
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234. Keep going!
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235. Safe.
Yeah!
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236. Safe.
Yeah!
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237. Yeah!
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238. Yes!
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239. Ha-ha!
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240. Oh, my God. Bette's hurt.
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241. The understudy's boyfriend
probably put him up to it.
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242. That's his friend.
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243. You're gonna pay for this.
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244. Fellas, that—
That was a clean play.
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245. Come on, it's just a game.
It's just—
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246. It's just a game!
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247. Oh, Bette!
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248. Don't—
No, don't worry.
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249. I'm with you.
Now, Kramer's here.
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250. Kramer is going to take care
of everything. Here, see?
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251. I got you a pineapple.
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252. And I saw Beaches last night
for the fourth time.
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253. And I saw Beaches last night
for the fourth time.
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254. Our top story,
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255. The show will go on,
but not Bette Midler.
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256. While playing softball
in the park,
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257. Ms. Midler was injured
when another player
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258. thoughtlessly player
rammed her at home plate,
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259. all captured
on amateur videotape.
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260. She'll be out
for at least a week
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261. from her new Broadway show,
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262. Rochelle, Rochelle:
The Musical.
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263. Thank you.
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264. Thank you.
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265. Well, we—
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266. No, please.
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267. This is the first time
in my life...
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268. that anyone has ever done
anything like this for me.
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269. I've always had
to struggle so hard
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270. for everything I ever got.
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271. And for you two
to do what you did,
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272. I just know this is gonna
be my big break.
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273. I just know this is gonna
be my big break.
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274. That's okay.
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275. Everything is gonna
be all right.
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276. Jerry!
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277. Come on, Jerry, open up!
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278. I know you're in there!
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279. Uh, Kramer,
come back another time!
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280. Yeah.
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281. Oh!
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282. So you're all
in here together!
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283. So you're all
in here together!
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284. Well, how convenient.
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285. I hope you're all very proud
of yourselves.
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286. So, my dear, you think
you can get to Broadway.
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287. Well, let me
tell you somethin'.
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288. Broadway has no room
for people like you.
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289. Not the Broadway I know!
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290. My Broadway takes
people like you
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291. and eats them up
and spits them out!
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292. My Broadway's
the Broadway
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293. of Merman and Martin
and Fontanne!
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294. And if you think you can
build yourself up
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295. And if you think you can
build yourself up
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296. by knocking
other people down,
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297. good luck!
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298. Hello, everyone.
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299. Hi. Heh.
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300. Um, this is my friend,
Frank.
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301. Ohhh.
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302. What would you like today?
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303. Manicure? Pedicure?
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304. I'll take a manicure.
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305. I don't take my shoes off
for anyone.
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306. Yeah, I know.
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307. What's that?
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308. What did they say?
What did they say?
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309. They made a derogatory
comment about me.
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310. Okay! That's it!
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311. Where's my tail?
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312. I heard every word
you said!
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313. You got some nerve!
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314. That voice.
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315. It's—
It sounds so familiar.
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316. It reminds me of when
I was a young girl in Korea
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317. and I met an American
businessman.
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318. He was a very unusual man.
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319. Quick-tempered
with a strange,
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320. halting way of speaking.
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321. halting way of speaking.
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322. We fell in love.
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323. But when I brought him home
to meet my father,
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324. he refused to take
his shoes off,
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325. and there was
a terrible fight.
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326. Kim.
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327. This man also refuses
to take his shoes off.
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328. I've never seen people
treated like this!
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329. So, you brought in a spy!
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330. Now, take your dry,
bitten nails,
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331. and get out!
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332. Frank?
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333. Kim?
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334. Yeah, right.
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335. It's a turkey sandwich,
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336. a side of slaw.
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337. Uh— You want white meat
or dark meat?
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338. White meat.
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339. Yeah, white meat.
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340. And if I see one piece
of dark meat on there,
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341. it's your ass, buster.
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342. Get me one of those
black-and-white cookies.
Yeah.
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343. All right, yeah.
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344. All right, yeah.
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345. They don't have any.
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346. But don't you worry.
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347. I'm gonna get you one
somewhere.
Good.
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348. Because if I don't get
a black-and-white cookie,
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349. I am not gonna be
very pleasant to be around.
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350. Now, that's impossible.
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351. Now, is there anything else
I can do for you?
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352. I don't think so.
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353. Uh— Can I do that
for you?
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354. All right.
What the hell.
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355. Yeah, heh.
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356. Well.
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357. So, what's the scoop
on Bob Barker?
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358. Does he really give a damn about
what all those things cost,
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359. Does he really give a damn about
what all those things cost,
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360. or is he just acting?
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361. Oh! Oh.
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362. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
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363. I don't even know
where I'm going.
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364. That's the best way to get
someplace you've never been.
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365. Well... Yeah,
I suppose that's true.
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366. Have you been crying?
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367. Yeah, you see, this woman—
This manicurist—
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368. Oh, no, no. It—
It doesn't matter why.
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369. That's a very nice jacket.
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370. Oh, thanks.
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371. Very soft.
Huge button flaps,
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372. Very soft.
Huge button flaps,
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373. cargo pockets,
drawstring waist,
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374. deep by-swing vents
in the back.
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375. Perfect for jumping
into a dumper.
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376. Huh? How do you know
all that?
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377. That's my coat.
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378. You mean—?
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379. Yes.
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380. I'm J. Peterman.
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381. I don't know why I have
to go to the hospital.
I didn't do anything.
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382. Driver, could you stop here?
We're picking somebody up.
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383. Hey!
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384. Hey, I didn't do anything!
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385. Hey, I didn't do anything!
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386. I was never informed!
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387. Oh, yeah, sure.
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388. That's not what
they said in the paper!
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389. You can all go straight to hell!
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390. You see that?
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391. Do you see what
I'm going through?
Copy !req
392. So what?
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393. Somebody dropped
an egg on my head
Copy !req
394. as I went into my building
last night.
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395. Hey, I'm being heckled
on-stage.
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396. People are yelling out,
"Gillooly."
Copy !req
397. Well, I'm having a little
trouble with all this.
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398. I mean, all I ever
wanted to do was sing,
Copy !req
399. and now I'm the focus
of this big media frenzy.
Copy !req
400. And none of the other actors
on the show
Copy !req
401. And none of the other actors
on the show
Copy !req
402. will even talk to me.
Copy !req
403. Ah, stop your cryin',
will ya?
Copy !req
404. What?
You heard him!
Copy !req
405. Oh, don't you chime in.
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406. You're the reason
this whole thing happened.
Copy !req
407. Oh, yeah? I read what you said
to the papers yesterday.
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408. How you weren't in
on the planning.
Copy !req
409. What planning? You think
we planned this?
Copy !req
410. How dare you say
we planned this!
Copy !req
411. Wait, wait! I know you—
I know you three!
Copy !req
412. You're the three
who knocked Bette Midler
Copy !req
413. out of Rochelle, Rochelle:
The Musical.
Copy !req
414. I want you creeps
out of my cab!
Copy !req
415. Hey, I had nothing
to do with it.
Copy !req
416. Get out of my cab!
You should go to prison!
Copy !req
417. You should eat prison food
the rest of your life.
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418. Get out!
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419. Get out!
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420. Get out. Each of you.
Copy !req
421. Each and every one of you
get out of my cab.
Copy !req
422. Then, in the distance,
I heard the bulls,
Copy !req
423. and I began running
as fast as I could.
Copy !req
424. Fortunately, I was wearing
my Italian capto oxfords.
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425. Sophisticated
yet different,
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426. without making
a huge fuss about it.
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427. Rich, dark-brown
calfskin leather,
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428. matching linen vamp.
Copy !req
429. Men's whole and half sizes,
7 through 13, price $135.
Copy !req
430. Men's whole and half sizes,
7 through 13, price $135.
Copy !req
431. Oh, that's not too expensive.
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432. I like that shirt.
Where did you get it?
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433. Oh. This innocent-looking
shirt has something
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434. which isn't
innocent at all.
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435. Touchability,
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436. Heavy, silky
Italian cotton,
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437. A fine, almost...
terry cloth-like feeling.
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438. Five button placket,
relaxed fit,
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439. innocence and mayhem
at once.
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440. That's not bad.
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441. So many years, Frank.
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442. So many years.
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443. If only you had
taken your shoes off.
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444. Couldn't because I had
a potential foot problem.
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445. I thought maybe you had
holes in your socks.
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446. I wiped them for two minutes
on the mat.
Copy !req
447. I don't know why your father had
to make a case out of it.
Copy !req
448. Anyway, that's all
in the past.
Copy !req
449. We have our whole future
ahead of us.
Copy !req
450. Between you and me,
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451. I think your country
is placing
Copy !req
452. a lot of importance
on shoe removal.
Copy !req
453. You stopped short
with me?
Copy !req
454. You stopped short
with me?
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455. We don't do that in Korea!
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456. Take me home!
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457. I never want
to see you again.
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458. Hi.
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459. Here.
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460. I made this for you.
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461. What is it?
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462. It's Macaroni Midler.
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463. Macaroni Midler?
Yeah, yeah.
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464. It's— See
how you're singin'?
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465. It's— See
how you're singin'?
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466. Yeah.
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467. What's that from?
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468. Oh! That's one of the songs
from my show.
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469. Oh.
What do you think?
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470. Whoo!
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471. You are so freaking
talented.
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472. Yeah.
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473. Oh.
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474. So, look who's here.
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475. What do you want?
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476. We just wanna talk to her.
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477. We want to apologize
and tell her
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478. the whole thing was an accident.
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479. No, I'm sorry.
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480. It's out of the question.
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481. What?
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482. Bette is recuperating
right now,
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483. and I'm not gonna allow
anything to disturb her.
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484. Well, who are you
to decide?
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485. Well, who are you
to decide?
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486. I'm calling
the shots around here,
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487. so there won't be
any more accidents.
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488. Hey, look, Kramer—
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489. Uh-uh! I don't
want her disturbed.
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490. All right, we are gonna go
find the security guard!
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491. Oh, boy.
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492. What's wrong?
Huh?
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493. I've a very bad feeling
about this.
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494. Wait a second.
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495. What are you doin'?
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496. Where are you taking me?
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497. Only one place where
I know you'll be safe.
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498. Only one place where
I know you'll be safe.
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499. Aah!
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500. Are you insane?
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501. Hello, Elaine.
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502. Oh, well, hi.
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503. We thank you so much.
We're so excited!
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504. Oh, you're welcome.
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505. See you inside.
Okay.
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506. Okay.
Okay.
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507. What happened?
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508. Well, I felt bad
about the spying, so—
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509. You know, I got 'em
tickets to the show.
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510. Oh, that's nice.
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511. All right.
I'll see you later.
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512. Wait, wait, wait!
I didn't even get
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513. to tell you
about my new job.
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514. Where?
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515. Where?
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516. Writing for the J. Peterman
catalog!
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517. How did you get that?
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518. I met him.
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519. You met J. Peterman?
Yeah.
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520. What is he like?
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521. He wore a classic
horseman's duster,
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522. beige corduroy collar,
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523. a hundred-percent
cotton canvas,
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524. high waist,
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525. nine pockets,
six on the outside.
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526. Great for running
alongside a train,
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527. waving last goodbyes,
posing on a veranda.
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528. Men's sizes—
I'll see you later!
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529. —small, medium, large...
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530. —small, medium, large...
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531. Well, break a leg tonight.
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532. I'm really nervous.
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533. Here, you got
a telegram.
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534. Well, look who's here.
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535. Listen, buddy—
What are you gonna do?
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536. Break my legs?
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537. You don't scare me.
You or your goons.
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538. Hm. How do you
like that?
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539. What is it?
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540. My grandmother died.
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541. Oh, I'm so sorr—
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542. Oh, no, it's okay.
I'm fine.
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543. So you don't cry
when your grandmother dies,
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544. but a hot dog
makes you lose control.
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545. Places everyone.
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546. Places everyone.
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547. I gotta go on now.
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548. Good luck.
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549. Ladies and gentlemen,
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550. at this evening's
performance,
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551. the part of Rochelle will be
played by Gennice Graham.
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552. Gennice...
What?
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553. G-G-Graham?
Gennice Graham?
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554. What happened
to Bette Midler?
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555. Oh, she got hurt.
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556. No Bette Midler?
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557. Wait, wait.
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558. Hold it.
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559. Stop!
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560. I'm sorry,
I have to start it over.
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561. Look at my shoelace.
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562. I can't do it like this.
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563. Please, let me start it over.
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564. Please.
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565. Please?
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566. Please?
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567. Your turn.
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