1. Oh, hi.Copy !req
2. A hundred episodes.Copy !req
3. That's a lot.Copy !req
4. During the course of which
George, Elaine, Kramer, and ICopy !req
5. have had many experiences,
both positive and negative.Copy !req
6. Well, mostly negative.Copy !req
7. There have been
some relationshipsCopy !req
8. that haven't worked out.Copy !req
9. Ambitions that were
unfulfilled.Copy !req
10. Hopes dashed.Copy !req
11. Some property damage.
Hurt feelings.Copy !req
12. I know one guy got deported.Copy !req
13. I know one guy got deported.Copy !req
14. Physical injury and...Copy !req
15. all right,
maybe even a death or two.Copy !req
16. But we've persevered,
because we're people.Copy !req
17. Real TV people.Copy !req
18. And for 30 minutes a week,Copy !req
19. that's pretty important to us.Copy !req
20. So if you're joining us late,Copy !req
21. here's some highlights
from what's happened so far.Copy !req
22. Why don't they have salsa
on the table?Copy !req
23. What do you need salsa for?Copy !req
24. Salsa is now the number-one
condiment in America.Copy !req
25. Do you know why?Copy !req
26. Because people like
to say "salsa."Copy !req
27. Because people like
to say "salsa."Copy !req
28. Excuse me.
Do you have any salsa?Copy !req
29. We need more salsa.
Where's the salsa? No salsa?Copy !req
30. You know, it must be
impossible for
a Spanish personCopy !req
31. to order seltzer
and not get salsa.Copy !req
32. I wanted seltzer, not salsa.Copy !req
33. Don't you know the difference
between seltzer and salsa?Copy !req
34. You have the seltzer
after the salsa.Copy !req
35. See? This should be the show.
This is the show.Copy !req
36. What?Copy !req
37. This. Just talkin'.Copy !req
38. Yeah. Right.Copy !req
39. Yeah. Right.Copy !req
40. No, I'm really serious.
I think that's a good idea.Copy !req
41. Just talking?
Well, what's the show about?Copy !req
42. It's about nothing.Copy !req
43. What's that red dot
on your sweater?Copy !req
44. Hey, didn't we come in
over there?Copy !req
45. I thought we came in
over there.Copy !req
46. I'm out.Copy !req
47. What?Copy !req
48. What?Copy !req
49. Yeah, I'm out.
I'm out of the contest.Copy !req
50. No story?Copy !req
51. No, forget the story.Copy !req
52. But we gotta have a story.Copy !req
53. Who says you gotta
have a story?Copy !req
54. Four.
Seinfeld.Copy !req
55. Four?Copy !req
56. That will be five,
ten minutes.Copy !req
57. Boy, do you smell
something?Copy !req
58. Boy, do you smell
something?Copy !req
59. Do I smell something?Copy !req
60. What am I,
hard of smelling?Copy !req
61. What is it?Copy !req
62. I think it's BO.Copy !req
63. And who's on the show?
Who are the characters?Copy !req
64. I could be a character.Copy !req
65. You?Copy !req
66. Yeah, you base
a character on a me.Copy !req
67. It's come to my attentionCopy !req
68. that you
and the cleaning womanCopy !req
69. have engaged in
sexual intercourseCopy !req
70. on the desk
in your office.Copy !req
71. Who said that?Copy !req
72. She did.Copy !req
73. Was that wrong?Copy !req
74. Was that wrong?Copy !req
75. Should I not
have done that?Copy !req
76. I tell you, I gotta plead
ignorance on this thing,Copy !req
77. because if anyone had said
anything to me at allCopy !req
78. when I first started here,Copy !req
79. that that sort of thing
was frowned upon...Copy !req
80. And who else is on the show?Copy !req
81. Elaine could be a character.Copy !req
82. I wonder what happened
to my fiancé?Copy !req
83. I know he's
here somewhere.Copy !req
84. I have lost my fiancé,
the poor baby.Copy !req
85. Maybe the dingo ate your baby.Copy !req
86. Maybe the dingo ate your baby.Copy !req
87. What?Copy !req
88. The dingo ate your baby!Copy !req
89. Kramer.Copy !req
90. Now, he's a character.
Yeah.Copy !req
91. The bus is outta control!Copy !req
92. So I grab him
by the collar,Copy !req
93. I take him out of the seat,
I get behind the wheel,Copy !req
94. now I'm drivin' the bus.Copy !req
95. You're Batman.Copy !req
96. Yeah, yeah. I am Batman.Copy !req
97. Then the mugger, he comes to,
and he starts chokin' me!Copy !req
98. So I'm fightin' him off
with one hand,Copy !req
99. So I'm fightin' him off
with one hand,Copy !req
100. and I kept drivin' the bus
with the other, you know.Copy !req
101. Then I managed
to open up the door,Copy !req
102. and I kicked him out the door,
you know, with my foot,Copy !req
103. you know, at the next stop!Copy !req
104. You kept makin'
all the stops?Copy !req
105. Well, people kept ringin'
the bell!Copy !req
106. So everybody I know
is a character on the show?Copy !req
107. Right.Copy !req
108. My wallet's gone!Copy !req
109. My wallet's gone!Copy !req
110. Jerry!Copy !req
111. Uncle Leo.Copy !req
112. Hello!Copy !req
113. How could you?Copy !req
114. How could I what?Copy !req
115. How could I what?Copy !req
116. You were making out
during Schindler's List?Copy !req
117. How long does it take
to find a bra?Copy !req
118. What's goin' on
in there?Copy !req
119. You ask me to get
a pair of underwear,Copy !req
120. I'm back
in two seconds.Copy !req
121. You know about
the, uh, cup sizes and all?Copy !req
122. They have different cups.Copy !req
123. Yeah. I-I know about the cups.Copy !req
124. You got the A...Copy !req
125. B...Copy !req
126. the C...Copy !req
127. the D...Copy !req
128. That's the biggest.Copy !req
129. That's the biggest.Copy !req
130. I go out for a quart of milk.Copy !req
131. I come home
and find my sonCopy !req
132. treating his body
like it was an amusement park.Copy !req
133. I'm a United States
postal worker.Copy !req
134. Aren't those the guys
that always go crazyCopy !req
135. and come back with a gun
and shoot everybody?Copy !req
136. Sometimes.Copy !req
137. Why is that?Copy !req
138. Because the mail
never stops.Copy !req
139. Every day it piles up
more and more and more,Copy !req
140. and you gotta get it out.Copy !req
141. But the more you get out,
the more it keeps coming in.Copy !req
142. But the more you get out,
the more it keeps coming in.Copy !req
143. Then the bar-code
reader breaks,Copy !req
144. and it's Publishers
Clearing House day!Copy !req
145. All right,
all right.Copy !req
146. So you're sayin',
I go into NBCCopy !req
147. and tell them I got this idea
for a show about nothing?Copy !req
148. We go in to NBC.Copy !req
149. We?Copy !req
150. Since when are you a writer?Copy !req
151. What writer?
We're talkin' about a sitcom.Copy !req
152. You wanna go with me to NBC?Copy !req
153. Yeah. I think we really got
somethin' here.Copy !req
154. What do we got?
An idea.Copy !req
155. What idea?Copy !req
156. An idea for the show.Copy !req
157. I still don't know
what the idea is.Copy !req
158. It's about nothing.Copy !req
159. Right.Copy !req
160. Right.Copy !req
161. Everybody's doing
something.Copy !req
162. We'll do nothing.Copy !req
163. Let's go do something.
I don't wanna sit around here.Copy !req
164. Okay.
Wanna go get something to eat?Copy !req
165. Where do you
wanna go?Copy !req
166. I don't care.
I'm not hungry.Copy !req
167. We could go to one of
those cappuccino places.Copy !req
168. They let you just sit there.Copy !req
169. What are we gonna do there?
Talk?Copy !req
170. We could talk.Copy !req
171. I'll go if I don't have
to talk.Copy !req
172. Then we'll just sit there.Copy !req
173. Oh, wow. That's
the astronaut pen.Copy !req
174. I heard about that.
Where did you get it?Copy !req
175. I heard about that.
Where did you get it?Copy !req
176. Oh, it was a gift.Copy !req
177. Oh, 'cause a lot of times
I write in bed,Copy !req
178. and I have to turn and lean on
my elbow to make the pen work.Copy !req
179. Take the pen.Copy !req
180. Oh, no.Copy !req
181. Go ahead.
I couldn't.Copy !req
182. Come on. Take the pen.Copy !req
183. I can't take it.
Do me a personal favor.Copy !req
184. I'm not comfortable.
Take the pen!Copy !req
185. I cannot take it.
Take the pen!Copy !req
186. Are you sure?
I'm positive!Copy !req
187. Take the pen.Copy !req
188. Okay.
All right.Copy !req
189. Thank you very much.
Thank you.Copy !req
190. Gee! Boy.Copy !req
191. Jack, what are you doing?Copy !req
192. Stop it.Copy !req
193. Jack,
we should go.Copy !req
194. It was nice
meeting you.Copy !req
195. Mmm.
Nice to meet you.Copy !req
196. Thanks again,
Jack.Copy !req
197. Come on!Copy !req
198. This?Copy !req
199. I agreed to wear this?Copy !req
200. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
201. Well, when did I do that?Copy !req
202. When we went to dinner
the other night.Copy !req
203. What are you, crazy?Copy !req
204. What were you talkin' about
when I went to the bathroom?Copy !req
205. I don't know.Copy !req
206. I couldn't understand
a word she was saying.Copy !req
207. I was just nodding.Copy !req
208. I was just nodding.Copy !req
209. Pow! There you go.Copy !req
210. Where I go?Copy !req
211. You mean she was asking me
to wear this ridiculous shirtCopy !req
212. on national TV and I said yes?Copy !req
213. Yes.
Yes, you said it.Copy !req
214. But I didn't know
what she was talking about.Copy !req
215. I couldn't hear her.Copy !req
216. Well, she asked you.Copy !req
217. I-I can't wear this
puffy shirt on TV.Copy !req
218. I mean, look at it.
It looks ridiculous.Copy !req
219. Well, you gotta wear it now.Copy !req
220. This pirate trend that
she's come up with, Jerry,Copy !req
221. this is gonna be
the new look for the '90s.Copy !req
222. You're gonna be
the first pirate.Copy !req
223. You're gonna be
the first pirate.Copy !req
224. But I don't wanna
be a pirate.Copy !req
225. I don't understand.
Do you have my reservation?Copy !req
226. Yes, we do.Copy !req
227. Unfortunately,
we ran out of cars.Copy !req
228. But the reservation
keeps the car here.Copy !req
229. That's why you have
the reservation.Copy !req
230. I know why
we have reservations.Copy !req
231. I don't think you do.Copy !req
232. If you did, I'd have a car.Copy !req
233. So you know how to take
the reservation.Copy !req
234. You just don't know how
to hold the reservation.Copy !req
235. And that's reallyCopy !req
236. And that's reallyCopy !req
237. the most important part
of the reservation,Copy !req
238. the holding.Copy !req
239. Anybody can just take 'em.Copy !req
240. I think I can sum up the show
for you with one word.Copy !req
241. Nothing!Copy !req
242. Nothing?Copy !req
243. Nothing!Copy !req
244. What does that mean?Copy !req
245. What did you do today?Copy !req
246. I got up and came to work.Copy !req
247. There's a show.
That's a show.Copy !req
248. How is that a show?Copy !req
249. Well, uh, m-maybe
something happens to youCopy !req
250. on the way to work.Copy !req
251. No. No. No!
Nothing happens!Copy !req
252. Well, something happens.Copy !req
253. Well, something happens.Copy !req
254. Well, why am I watching it?Copy !req
255. Because it's on TV.Copy !req
256. Not yet.Copy !req
257. I'm telling you,
she's good-looking.Copy !req
258. What about the body?
What kinda body?Copy !req
259. Good body.
Nice body.Copy !req
260. Good body.
Nice body.Copy !req
261. How nice?
Nice.Copy !req
262. Just nice?
Pretty nice.Copy !req
263. Really good?Copy !req
264. Really, very nice and good.Copy !req
265. What about person—?Copy !req
266. Good personality.Copy !req
267. Funny.Copy !req
268. Bright.Copy !req
269. Smarter than me? I don't want
anyone smarter than me.Copy !req
270. How could she be
smarter than you?Copy !req
271. Oh, no, he's a really,
really funny guy.Copy !req
272. What does he look like?Copy !req
273. What does he look like?Copy !req
274. Pardon?Copy !req
275. What does he look like?Copy !req
276. Um...Copy !req
277. Well, he's got a lot of
character in his face.Copy !req
278. Um, he's short.
Um, he's stocky.Copy !req
279. He's fat.Copy !req
280. Is that what you're saying?
That he's fat?Copy !req
281. Powerful.Copy !req
282. He is so powerful!Copy !req
283. He can lift 100 pounds
right up over his head.Copy !req
284. And, um...Copy !req
285. What else? What else?Copy !req
286. Oh. R— Um...Copy !req
287. Er— Well...Copy !req
288. He's— He's kind of,Copy !req
289. just kind of... ungh,Copy !req
290. just kind of... ungh,Copy !req
291. losing his hair.Copy !req
292. He's bald?Copy !req
293. No!Copy !req
294. No, no, no.Copy !req
295. He's not bald.Copy !req
296. He's balding.Copy !req
297. So he will be bald.Copy !req
298. Yeah.Copy !req
299. Thick, lustrous hair
is very important to me.Copy !req
300. "Thick, lustrous hair
is very important to me."Copy !req
301. Is that what you said?Copy !req
302. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
303. Just clarifying.Copy !req
304. Lemme ask you this.Copy !req
305. Lemme ask you this.Copy !req
306. If you stick your hand
in the hair,Copy !req
307. is it easy to get it out?Copy !req
308. Do you wanna be able
to get it out,Copy !req
309. or do you wanna not be able
to get it out?Copy !req
310. I'd like to be able
to get it out.Copy !req
311. I think you'll get it out.Copy !req
312. What about the skin?Copy !req
313. I need a good cheek.
I like a good cheek.Copy !req
314. She's got a fine cheek.Copy !req
315. Is there a pinkish hue?Copy !req
316. Is there a pinkish hue?Copy !req
317. A pinkish hue?Copy !req
318. Yes. A rosy glow.Copy !req
319. There's a hue.Copy !req
320. She's got great eyebrows.Copy !req
321. Women kill to have
her eyebrows.Copy !req
322. Who cares about eyebrows?Copy !req
323. Look at you.Copy !req
324. Why don't you do something
with your life?Copy !req
325. Sit around here all day.Copy !req
326. You contribute nothing
to society.Copy !req
327. The alarm didn't go off,
it's 9:15!Copy !req
328. The alarm didn't go off,
it's 9:15!Copy !req
329. You're gonna miss the plane,
it's 9:15!Copy !req
330. 9:15?Copy !req
331. Yeah, 9:15!Copy !req
332. Eh, we'll never make it.
I'll leave tomorrow.Copy !req
333. Tomorrow? Are you crazy?Copy !req
334. No. Now, now.Copy !req
335. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.Copy !req
336. You get dressed.
You get dressed.Copy !req
337. How could I be with
someone like you?Copy !req
338. Wouldn't respect myself.Copy !req
339. Put your pants on.Copy !req
340. I'll go tomorrow
or the next day.Copy !req
341. No, you have your ticket.
You have to go now.Copy !req
342. We'll never make it.Copy !req
343. Don't say that.Copy !req
344. Well, it takes 45 minutes
to get—Copy !req
345. It takes 45 minutes
to get there,Copy !req
346. It takes 45 minutes
to get there,Copy !req
347. that will only leave me
5 minutes to get to the plane.Copy !req
348. Shut up and pack!Copy !req
349. I take it all back,
every word!Copy !req
350. I love you!Copy !req
351. I love you!Copy !req
352. It's not you. It's me.Copy !req
353. You're giving meCopy !req
354. the "it's not you,
it's me" routine?Copy !req
355. I invented
"it's not you, it's me."Copy !req
356. Nobody tells me
it's them, not me.Copy !req
357. If it's anybody, it's me.Copy !req
358. All right.Copy !req
359. George, it's you.Copy !req
360. You're damn right it's me.Copy !req
361. You're damn right it's me.Copy !req
362. Elaine...
Hm?Copy !req
363. you don't know the first thing
about first base.Copy !req
364. Oh. Well, I know something
about gettin' to first base.Copy !req
365. And I know you'll
never be there.Copy !req
366. The way I figure it,
I've already been there.Copy !req
367. I plan on rounding second
tonight at around 11:00.Copy !req
368. Well, uh...Copy !req
369. I'd watch the third-base coach
if I were you,Copy !req
370. 'cause I don't think
he's wavin' you in.Copy !req
371. I guess things changed for me
on Tuesday night.Copy !req
372. I guess things changed for me
on Tuesday night.Copy !req
373. Tuesday night?Copy !req
374. What happened
Tuesday night?Copy !req
375. I saw your act.Copy !req
376. My act? Wh-what does that
have to do with anything?Copy !req
377. To be honest, it...Copy !req
378. just didn't make it for me.Copy !req
379. It was just so much fluff.Copy !req
380. So, what're you saying?Copy !req
381. You didn't like my act?Copy !req
382. So that's it?Copy !req
383. I can't be with someone
if I don't respect
what they do.Copy !req
384. You're a cashier.Copy !req
385. You don't know my name,
do you?Copy !req
386. You don't know my name,
do you?Copy !req
387. Yes, I do.Copy !req
388. What is it?Copy !req
389. It rhymes with
a female body part.Copy !req
390. What is it?Copy !req
391. Mulva?Copy !req
392. I think you're really sick.Copy !req
393. I'm not sick.Copy !req
394. You said much sicker
things than me.Copy !req
395. I'm leaving.Copy !req
396. So, where were we?Copy !req
397. I was just leaving.Copy !req
398. Right.
You were leaving.Copy !req
399. I can't believe you sent
a woman into the sauna
to do that.Copy !req
400. That was an accident.Copy !req
401. That was an accident.Copy !req
402. I think you're both
mentally ill.Copy !req
403. Ohhh...Copy !req
404. And by the way...Copy !req
405. they're real,
and they're spectacular.Copy !req
406. Why shouldn't we be able
to do that once in a whileCopy !req
407. if we want to?Copy !req
408. I know!Copy !req
409. I mean, really,
what is the big deal?Copy !req
410. We go in there,Copy !req
411. we're in there
for a while,Copy !req
412. and then we come back
out here.Copy !req
413. and then we come back
out here.Copy !req
414. That's not complicated.Copy !req
415. It's almost stupid
if we didn't.Copy !req
416. It's moronic!Copy !req
417. Absurd!Copy !req
418. Of course...Copy !req
419. I guess, maybe, some little
problems could arise.Copy !req
420. Ah, you know,
there are always a few.Copy !req
421. I mean, if anything happened,Copy !req
422. and we couldn't be friends
the way we are now...Copy !req
423. that would really be bad.Copy !req
424. Devastating.Copy !req
425. Because this...
is very good.Copy !req
426. And that would be good.Copy !req
427. That would be good too.Copy !req
428. The idea is to combine
the this...Copy !req
429. and the that...Copy !req
430. but this cannot
be disturbed.Copy !req
431. Yeah. We— We—
We just wanna take this...Copy !req
432. and...Copy !req
433. add that.Copy !req
434. But of course,
we have to figure out a wayCopy !req
435. to avoid the things that cause
the little problems.Copy !req
436. Mmm.
Maybe some rules or something.Copy !req
437. Mmm.
Maybe some rules or something.Copy !req
438. Huh.Copy !req
439. For example...Copy !req
440. now, I call you
whenever I am inclinedCopy !req
441. and vice versa.
Right.Copy !req
442. But if we did that,
we might feel...Copy !req
443. a certain obligation to call.Copy !req
444. Oh— Well, why should that be?Copy !req
445. Oh! I have an idea.
I have an idea.Copy !req
446. No calls the day after that.Copy !req
447. Beautiful.Copy !req
448. Let's make it a rule.Copy !req
449. All right, sir.Copy !req
450. Now, here's
another little rule.Copy !req
451. Yeah.Copy !req
452. When we see each other now,Copy !req
453. we retire
to our separate quarters.Copy !req
454. But sometimes, when people
get involved with that,Copy !req
455. they feel...
pressure to...Copy !req
456. sleep over...Copy !req
457. when that is not really sleep.Copy !req
458. Sleep is separate from that,Copy !req
459. and I don't seeCopy !req
460. why sleep got all tied up
and connected...Copy !req
461. why sleep got all tied up
and connected...Copy !req
462. with that.Copy !req
463. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
464. Rule number two:
spending the night
is optional.Copy !req
465. Well, now we're gettin'
somewhere.Copy !req
466. I slept with Elaine
last night.Copy !req
467. Oxygen.Copy !req
468. I need some oxygen.Copy !req
469. I thought you'd like that.Copy !req
470. Oh, this is huge.Copy !req
471. I know.
All right.Copy !req
472. Okay. Let's go. Details.Copy !req
473. Okay. Let's go. Details.Copy !req
474. No, I can't give details.Copy !req
475. No details?Copy !req
476. I'm not in the mood.Copy !req
477. You asked me here
to have lunch,Copy !req
478. tell me you slept with Elaine,Copy !req
479. and then say you're not
in the mood for details.Copy !req
480. Now, you listen to me.Copy !req
481. I want details,
and I want them right now.Copy !req
482. I don't have a job.
I have no place to go.Copy !req
483. You're not in the mood?Copy !req
484. Well, you get in the mood!Copy !req
485. I was at
the unemployment office,Copy !req
486. and I told them I was
very closeCopy !req
487. to getting a job
with Vandelay Industries.Copy !req
488. and I gave them
your phone number.Copy !req
489. So now,
when the phone rings,Copy !req
490. you have to answer
"Vandelay Industries."Copy !req
491. I'm Vandelay Industries?Copy !req
492. Right.Copy !req
493. What is that?Copy !req
494. You're in latex.Copy !req
495. Latex.Copy !req
496. Yes.Copy !req
497. And what do I do with latex?Copy !req
498. I don't know.
You manufacture it.Copy !req
499. Right here,
in this little apartment?Copy !req
500. And what do I say about you?Copy !req
501. You're considering hiring me
for your latex salesman.Copy !req
502. I'm gonna hire you
as my latex salesman?Copy !req
503. I'm gonna hire you
as my latex salesman?Copy !req
504. Right.Copy !req
505. I don't think so.Copy !req
506. Man, I'm tellin' youCopy !req
507. this pizza idea
is really gonna happen.Copy !req
508. This is the thing
where you go,Copy !req
509. and you have to make
your own pizza?Copy !req
510. Yeah. We give you the dough.Copy !req
511. You smash it. You pound it.Copy !req
512. You fling it
up in the air.Copy !req
513. And then you get to
put your sauce,Copy !req
514. and you get to sprinkle
your cheese, and then...Copy !req
515. you slide it
into the oven!Copy !req
516. You know, you have to know
how to do that.Copy !req
517. You can't have people
shoving their armsCopy !req
518. into a 600-degree oven.Copy !req
519. It's all supervised.Copy !req
520. It's all supervised.Copy !req
521. Oh, well.Copy !req
522. Tolstoy used to write
in the village square.Copy !req
523. The faces inspired him.Copy !req
524. Although, one wonders
if War and PeaceCopy !req
525. would have been as highly
acclaimed as it wasCopy !req
526. had it been published
under it's original title,Copy !req
527. What Is It Good For?Copy !req
528. What?Copy !req
529. Yeah, Mr. Lippman.Copy !req
530. It was his mistress who
insisted that he call it
War and Peace.Copy !req
531. Elaine.Copy !req
532. What Is It Good For?Copy !req
533. If I see her, what do I say
that I'm doing here?Copy !req
534. If I see her, what do I say
that I'm doing here?Copy !req
535. Well, you came to see me.
I work in the building.Copy !req
536. What do you do?Copy !req
537. I'm an architect.Copy !req
538. You're an architect?Copy !req
539. I'm not?Copy !req
540. I don't see architecture
coming from you.Copy !req
541. We'll make our choice
in a few days,Copy !req
542. and we'll let you know.Copy !req
543. I have no chance, do I?Copy !req
544. No.Copy !req
545. You know I always wantedCopy !req
546. to pretend
that I was an architect.Copy !req
547. What do you do?Copy !req
548. I'm an architect.Copy !req
549. I'm an architect.Copy !req
550. Have you designed
any buildings in New York?Copy !req
551. Have you seen the new addition
to the Guggenheim?Copy !req
552. You did that?Copy !req
553. Yep, yep.Copy !req
554. You know, it didn't take
very long either.Copy !req
555. The beauty of my book is,Copy !req
556. if you don't have
a coffee table,Copy !req
557. it turns into a coffee table.Copy !req
558. Isn't that fabulous?Copy !req
559. Look at this!Copy !req
560. What-delay industries?Copy !req
561. No.Copy !req
562. "Vandelay," say "Vandelay."Copy !req
563. No. No, you're
way, way, way off.Copy !req
564. No. No, you're
way, way, way off.Copy !req
565. What?
"Vandelay"!Copy !req
566. Say—!Copy !req
567. Vandelay Industries.Copy !req
568. No problem.
No problem.Copy !req
569. And you wanna be
my latex salesman.Copy !req
570. I think Superman probably has
a very good sense of humor.Copy !req
571. I never heard him
say anything really funny.Copy !req
572. I never heard him
say anything really funny.Copy !req
573. He's got super strength,
super speed.Copy !req
574. I'm sure he's got super humor.Copy !req
575. Either you're born with
a sense of humor,
or you're not.Copy !req
576. It's not gonna change.Copy !req
577. Even if you go from
the red sun of KryptonCopy !req
578. all the way to the yellow sun
of the Earth.Copy !req
579. Why?Copy !req
580. Why would that
one area of his mindCopy !req
581. not be affected by
the yellow sun of the Earth?Copy !req
582. I don't know,
but he ain't funny.Copy !req
583. What's today.Copy !req
584. It's Thursday.Copy !req
585. Really?Copy !req
586. It feels like Tuesday.Copy !req
587. It feels like Tuesday.Copy !req
588. Tuesday has no feel.Copy !req
589. Monday has a feel.Copy !req
590. Friday has a feel.Copy !req
591. Sunday has a feel.Copy !req
592. I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.Copy !req
593. All right, shut up
the both of you.Copy !req
594. You double dipped the chip.Copy !req
595. Double dipped?Copy !req
596. Wh-what are you
talkin' about?Copy !req
597. You dipped the chip,Copy !req
598. you took a bite...Copy !req
599. and you dipped again.Copy !req
600. So?Copy !req
601. That's like putting your whole
mouth right in the dip.Copy !req
602. Look.Copy !req
603. From now on,
when you take a chip,Copy !req
604. From now on,
when you take a chip,Copy !req
605. just take one dip
and end it!Copy !req
606. Could I offer you
something to drink?Copy !req
607. Okay, yeah.Copy !req
608. I'll have a—Copy !req
609. Do you have
a decaf cappuccino?Copy !req
610. I don't think we have that.Copy !req
611. Well, that's a little strange.Copy !req
612. Uh, why does that surprise
you?Copy !req
613. Well, it's...
It's a very popular drink.Copy !req
614. This is an office.Copy !req
615. That's true.Copy !req
616. Magellan?Copy !req
617. You like Magellan?Copy !req
618. Oh, yeah.
My favorite explorer.Copy !req
619. Oh, yeah.
My favorite explorer.Copy !req
620. Around the world.
Come on.Copy !req
621. Who do you like?Copy !req
622. I like de Soto.Copy !req
623. De Soto? What did he do?Copy !req
624. Discovered the Mississippi.Copy !req
625. Oh, yeah, like they wouldn't
have found that anyway.Copy !req
626. I was talkin' to this guy,
you know,Copy !req
627. and I just happened to throw
my purse on the sofa,Copy !req
628. and my diaphragm goes
flying out.Copy !req
629. So I just froze,
you know.Copy !req
630. Ahhh!Copy !req
631. Staring at my diaphragm,
you know.Copy !req
632. It's just lying there.Copy !req
633. So then this woman,Copy !req
634. the one who sold me
this hair thing,Copy !req
635. the one who sold me
this hair thing,Copy !req
636. she grabbed it
before the guy noticed.Copy !req
637. So I mean,
big deal, right?Copy !req
638. So I carry around
my diaphragm.Copy !req
639. Who doesn't?Copy !req
640. I mean, like
it's a big, big secretCopy !req
641. that women carry around
their diaphragms.Copy !req
642. You never know when
you're gonna need it, right?Copy !req
643. I hate Keith Hernandez.
Hate him.Copy !req
644. I despise him.Copy !req
645. Why?
Why?Copy !req
646. I'll tell you why.
Let me tell her.Copy !req
647. I'll tell you why.
Let me tell her.Copy !req
648. You can't tell her.
You always tell it.Copy !req
649. All right, tell it.
Ah, you just tell it.Copy !req
650. June 14th, 1987.Copy !req
651. Mets-Phillies.Copy !req
652. We're enjoying
a beautiful afternoonCopy !req
653. in the right-field standsCopy !req
654. when a crucial
Hernandez errorCopy !req
655. opens the door to
a five-run Phillies 9th.Copy !req
656. Cost the Mets the game.Copy !req
657. Our day was ruined.Copy !req
658. There was a lot of people,
you know.Copy !req
659. They were waiting by
the players parking lot.Copy !req
660. Now, we're comin'
down the ramp.Copy !req
661. Newman was in front of me.Copy !req
662. Hernandez was coming
toward us.Copy !req
663. Hernandez was coming
toward us.Copy !req
664. As he passes us,
Newman turns and says,Copy !req
665. "Nice game,
pretty boy."Copy !req
666. Hernandez continued past us
up the ramp.Copy !req
667. Then, a second later,Copy !req
668. something happened
that changed usCopy !req
669. in a very deep and profound
way from that day forward.Copy !req
670. What was it?Copy !req
671. He spit on us.Copy !req
672. Then I screamed out,
"I'm hit!"Copy !req
673. Then I turned,Copy !req
674. Then I turned,Copy !req
675. and the spit ricocheted
off him and it hit me.Copy !req
676. Wow.Copy !req
677. What a story.Copy !req
678. Unfortunately,
the immutable laws of physicsCopy !req
679. contradict the whole premise
of your account.Copy !req
680. Allow me to reconstruct this,
if I may, for Miss Benes,Copy !req
681. as I've heard this story
a number of times.Copy !req
682. Newman, Kramer,
if you'll indulge me.Copy !req
683. According to your story,Copy !req
684. Hernandez passes you
and starts walking
up the ramp.Copy !req
685. Mm-hmm.
Then,
you say, you were struck...Copy !req
686. Mm-hmm.
Then,
you say, you were struck...Copy !req
687. on the right temple.Copy !req
688. The spit then proceeds
to ricochet off the temple,Copy !req
689. striking Newman betweenCopy !req
690. the third and the forth rib.Copy !req
691. The spit then came
off the rib,Copy !req
692. made a right turn,Copy !req
693. hitting Newman
in the right wrist,Copy !req
694. causing him to dropCopy !req
695. his baseball cap.Copy !req
696. The spit then splashed
off the wrist,Copy !req
697. pauses in midair,
mind you...Copy !req
698. pauses in midair,
mind you...Copy !req
699. makes a left turn,Copy !req
700. and lands on
Newman's left thigh.Copy !req
701. That is one magic loogie.Copy !req
702. Story is the foundation
of all entertainment.Copy !req
703. And people really have to care
about the characters.Copy !req
704. Yeah. Forget about care. Love.Copy !req
705. They have to love
the characters.Copy !req
706. Now get the hell out
of my house.Copy !req
707. Quiet!Copy !req
708. You shut up.Copy !req
709. As of now, you're banned
from the store. You're banned!Copy !req
710. It's a pizza the moment you
put your fists in the dough.Copy !req
711. I have a hair on my tongue.Copy !req
712. I have a hair on my tongue.Copy !req
713. Can't get it off.Copy !req
714. You know how much I hate that?Copy !req
715. Soup's not a meal.Copy !req
716. You're supposed
to buy me a meal.Copy !req
717. Yeah, well, just keep out
of my business, you big ape.Copy !req
718. Who you callin'
"big ape"?Copy !req
719. I'm calling you an ape.Copy !req
720. Yeah, come on.Copy !req
721. All right.
Break it up, break it up.Copy !req
722. Come on, you two.Copy !req
723. Just cut it out now.Copy !req
724. But you put on a pair of shoes
when you walkCopy !req
725. into the New York
Public Library, fella.Copy !req
726. We had a funny guy
with us in Korea.Copy !req
727. A tail gunner.Copy !req
728. They blew his brains out
all over the Pacific.Copy !req
729. There's nothin' funny
about that.Copy !req
730. We will annex Poland
by the spring at any cost!Copy !req
731. And our stock will rise high!Copy !req
732. You may think
you're an idiot,Copy !req
733. but with all due respect,Copy !req
734. I'm a much bigger idiot
than you are.Copy !req
735. Listen.
Don't insult me, my friend.Copy !req
736. Remember who you're
talking to.Copy !req
737. No one's a bigger idiot
than me.Copy !req
738. Am I a hipster doofus?Copy !req
739. No.
No.Copy !req
740. Said I'm not good-lookin'
enough for her.Copy !req
741. Said I'm not good-lookin'
enough for her.Copy !req
742. Not good-looking.Copy !req
743. Jerry, look at me.
Look at my face, huh.Copy !req
744. Am I beautiful?Copy !req
745. George, am I beautiful?Copy !req
746. You're very attractive.Copy !req
747. Yeah!Copy !req
748. Is it possibleCopy !req
749. I'm not as attractive
as I think I am?Copy !req
750. We're not gay.Copy !req
751. Not that there's anything
wrong with that.Copy !req
752. No, of course not.Copy !req
753. I mean, it's fine if that's
who you are.
Absolutely.Copy !req
754. I mean,I have many gay friends
My father's gay.Copy !req
755. Look, I—
I know what I heard.Copy !req
756. Heard?
It was a joke.Copy !req
757. Look, you wanna have
sex right now?Copy !req
758. Look, you wanna have
sex right now?Copy !req
759. Do you wanna have
sex with me right now?Copy !req
760. Let's go!Copy !req
761. Come on!
Let's go, baby!Copy !req
762. Come on!Copy !req
763. Hey, come on.
Let's go.Copy !req
764. I thought we were
gonna take a steam.Copy !req
765. No, I don't want any steam.
No. No steam.Copy !req
766. Well, I don't wanna sit
there naked all by myself.Copy !req
767. You fake?Copy !req
768. On occasion.Copy !req
769. And the guy never knows?Copy !req
770. No.Copy !req
771. How could he not know that?Copy !req
772. Because I was good.Copy !req
773. Because I was good.Copy !req
774. I guess after
that many beers,Copy !req
775. he's probably
a little groggy anyway.Copy !req
776. Well...Copy !req
777. you didn't know.Copy !req
778. What's that?Copy !req
779. You didn't know.Copy !req
780. Are you saying—?Copy !req
781. Ahem, I think I'll have
a piece of cake.Copy !req
782. With me?
Well...Copy !req
783. You faked with me?Copy !req
784. Yeah.
You faked with me?Copy !req
785. Yes.
No.Copy !req
786. Yes.
You faked it.Copy !req
787. I faked it.Copy !req
788. That whole thing,
the whole production,Copy !req
789. That whole thing,
the whole production,Copy !req
790. it was all an act.Copy !req
791. Not bad, huh?Copy !req
792. What about the breathing,
the panting, the moaning,Copy !req
793. the screaming?Copy !req
794. Fake, fake, fake, fake.Copy !req
795. I'm disturbed.Copy !req
796. I'm depressed.Copy !req
797. I'm inadequate.Copy !req
798. I got it all!Copy !req
799. Can't you see what's happened?Copy !req
800. I've become George.Copy !req
801. Don't say that.Copy !req
802. It's true.Copy !req
803. I'm George.Copy !req
804. I'm George!Copy !req
805. Tuna on toast, coleslaw,
cup of coffee.Copy !req
806. Tuna on toast, coleslaw,
cup of coffee.Copy !req
807. Yeah.Copy !req
808. No, no.
No, wait a minute.Copy !req
809. I always have
tuna on toast.Copy !req
810. Nothing's every worked out
for me with tuna on toast.Copy !req
811. I want the complete opposite
of tuna on toast.Copy !req
812. Chicken salad on rye...Copy !req
813. untoasted...Copy !req
814. with a side of potato salad...Copy !req
815. and a cup of tea! Ha-ha!Copy !req
816. Well, there's no telling
what can happen from this.Copy !req
817. You know, chicken salad's
not the opposite of tuna.Copy !req
818. Salmon's the opposite of tuna,Copy !req
819. 'cause salmon swim
against the current,Copy !req
820. and the tuna swim with it.Copy !req
821. Good for the tuna.Copy !req
822. Uh, George.Copy !req
823. You know that woman
just looked at you.Copy !req
824. So what?Copy !req
825. What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
826. Go talk to her.Copy !req
827. Elaine...Copy !req
828. bald men with no jobs
and no moneyCopy !req
829. who live with their parentsCopy !req
830. don't approach strange women.Copy !req
831. Well, here's your chance
to try the opposite.Copy !req
832. Instead of tuna salad
and being intimidated
by women,Copy !req
833. chicken salad
and goin' right up to 'em.Copy !req
834. chicken salad
and goin' right up to 'em.Copy !req
835. Yeah, I should do
the opposite, I should.Copy !req
836. If every instinct
you have is wrong,Copy !req
837. then the opposite
would have to be right.Copy !req
838. Yes.Copy !req
839. I will do the opposite.Copy !req
840. I used to sit here
and do nothingCopy !req
841. and regret it
for the rest of the day.Copy !req
842. So now I will do the opposite,
and I will do something.Copy !req
843. Excuse me,Copy !req
844. Excuse me,Copy !req
845. uh, I couldn't help
but noticeCopy !req
846. that you were looking
in my direction.Copy !req
847. Oh, yes, I was.Copy !req
848. You just ordered
the same exact lunch as me.Copy !req
849. My name is George.Copy !req
850. I'm unemployed,
and I live with my parents.Copy !req
851. I'm Victoria. Hi.Copy !req
852. Boy, these pretzels
are makin' me thirsty!Copy !req
853. Boy, these pretzels
are makin' me thirsty!Copy !req
854. These pretzels
are makin' me thirsty.Copy !req
855. These pretzels...Copy !req
856. are making me thirsty!Copy !req
857. Boy, I'm really startin'
to dislike the Drake.Copy !req
858. Hate the Drake.Copy !req
859. You are soooo good-lookin'.Copy !req
860. You can't believe her,
she's one of these
low talkers.Copy !req
861. You know,
because he's a high talker.Copy !req
862. He's nice.
Bit of a close talker.Copy !req
863. How 'bout you, Jerry?Copy !req
864. I'm swamped.Copy !req
865. Are you sure?Copy !req
866. You could examine
the artwork up close.Copy !req
867. I don't have a square
to spare.Copy !req
868. I don't have a square
to spare.Copy !req
869. I can't spare a square.Copy !req
870. I need hands.
I have no hands.Copy !req
871. Newman! Newman! Newman!Copy !req
872. Hello, Newman.Copy !req
873. So you're still master
of your domain.Copy !req
874. Yes. Master of my domain.Copy !req
875. I am king of the county.Copy !req
876. Lord of the manor.Copy !req
877. I'm queen of the castle.Copy !req
878. You mean... shrinkage?Copy !req
879. Yes.Copy !req
880. Significant shrinkage.Copy !req
881. So you feel you were
shortchanged.Copy !req
882. Yes.Copy !req
883. If she thinks that's me,Copy !req
884. she's under
a complete misapprehension.Copy !req
885. So, what's the difference?Copy !req
886. What if she discusses it
with Jane?Copy !req
887. Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.Copy !req
888. Couldn't you tell her
about the shrinkage factor?Copy !req
889. No, I'm not gonna tell her
about your shrinkage.Copy !req
890. Besides, I... I think women
know about shrinkage.Copy !req
891. How do women know
about shrinkage?Copy !req
892. Isn't it common knowledge?Copy !req
893. Aw...Copy !req
894. Elaine!
Elaine!Copy !req
895. Elaine!Copy !req
896. Get— Come—Copy !req
897. What?Copy !req
898. Do women know
about shrinkage?Copy !req
899. What do you mean,
like laundry?Copy !req
900. What do you mean,
like laundry?Copy !req
901. No.Copy !req
902. Like when a man goes
swimming... afterwards...Copy !req
903. It shrinks?Copy !req
904. Like a frightened turtle.Copy !req
905. Why does it shrink?Copy !req
906. It just does.Copy !req
907. I don't know how you guys walk
around with those things.Copy !req
908. Um, about the script.Copy !req
909. The script.Copy !req
910. Now, I've read this thing
three times.Copy !req
911. And every time I read it...Copy !req
912. What?Copy !req
913. Excuse me for a second.Copy !req
914. What?Copy !req
915. W-would you like
a Pepto-Bismol?Copy !req
916. I keep 'em
in my wallet.Copy !req
917. Do you think he liked it?Copy !req
918. I'm not sure.Copy !req
919. Yeah!Copy !req
920. Waaaaaaah!Copy !req
921. The air conditioner!Copy !req
922. My mother caught me.Copy !req
923. Caught you? Doin' what?Copy !req
924. You know...Copy !req
925. I was alone...Copy !req
926. You mean—?Copy !req
927. Uh-huh.Copy !req
928. She caught you?Copy !req
929. Where?Copy !req
930. I stopped by the house
to drop the car off,Copy !req
931. I stopped by the house
to drop the car off,Copy !req
932. and I went inside
for a few minutes.Copy !req
933. Nobody was there.Copy !req
934. They're supposed
to be working.Copy !req
935. My mother had
a Glamour magazine.Copy !req
936. I started leafing
through it.Copy !req
937. Glamour?Copy !req
938. So one thing
led to another.Copy !req
939. So, what did she do?Copy !req
940. First she screams, "George,
what are you doing? My God!"Copy !req
941. Then it looked like
she was gonna faint.Copy !req
942. She started clutchin'
the wall, tryin'
to hang onto it.Copy !req
943. I didn't know whether
to try and keep her from
fallin' or zip up.Copy !req
944. What did you do?Copy !req
945. What did you do?Copy !req
946. I zipped up.Copy !req
947. So, she fell?
Yeah.Copy !req
948. Well, I couldn't run
over there the way I was.Copy !req
949. No, I guess you couldn't
have done that.Copy !req
950. I wouldn't think so.Copy !req
951. So, she fell,
and then she starts screaming,Copy !req
952. "My back, my back!"Copy !req
953. So I picked her up,
I took her to the hospital.Copy !req
954. Oh. How is she?Copy !req
955. She's in traction.Copy !req
956. I'm sorry.Copy !req
957. It's not funny, Elaine.Copy !req
958. I know. I'm sorry.Copy !req
959. It's serious.Copy !req
960. Her back went out, she's gotta
be there for a couple of days.Copy !req
961. Glamour?Copy !req
962. I'll tell you this though.Copy !req
963. I am never doing...Copy !req
964. that again.Copy !req
965. What?Copy !req
966. You mean, in your mother's
house, or all together?Copy !req
967. All together.Copy !req
968. Oh, gimme a break.
Yeah, right.Copy !req
969. What? You don't
think I can?Copy !req
970. No chance.Copy !req
971. You think
you could?Copy !req
972. Well, I know I could
hold out longer than you.Copy !req
973. Care to make it
interesting?Copy !req
974. Sure. How much?Copy !req
975. Hundred dollars.Copy !req
976. You're on.Copy !req
977. Wait a second.
Wait a second.Copy !req
978. Wait a second.
Wait a second.Copy !req
979. Count me in on this.Copy !req
980. You?
Yeah.Copy !req
981. You'll be out before
we get the check.Copy !req
982. I wanna be
in on this too.Copy !req
983. Oh, no.
No.
No, no.Copy !req
984. Not a level playing field.
Why?Copy !req
985. It's a whole different thing.
What? Why?Copy !req
986. Because you're a woman.Copy !req
987. So what?Copy !req
988. It's easier for a womanCopy !req
989. not to do it than a man.Copy !req
990. We have to do it.Copy !req
991. It's part of our lifestyle.Copy !req
992. It's like, uh, shaving.Copy !req
993. Oh, that is such bologna.Copy !req
994. I shave my legs.Copy !req
995. Not every day.Copy !req
996. Not every day.Copy !req
997. All right,
you want to be in?Copy !req
998. Yeah.
You gotta give us odds.Copy !req
999. At least two to one.Copy !req
1000. You gotta put up $200.Copy !req
1001. No, $1000.Copy !req
1002. No, I'll put up $150.Copy !req
1003. All right.
You're in for $150.Copy !req
1004. Okay, $150.Copy !req
1005. All right, now.
How we gonna monitor this?Copy !req
1006. Well, obviously we all
know each other very well.Copy !req
1007. I'm sure
we'll all feel comfortableCopy !req
1008. within the confines
of the honor system.Copy !req
1009. All right. Come on.Copy !req
1010. Yeah!Copy !req
1011. Fire!Copy !req
1012. We have sacrificed
everything,Copy !req
1013. all for the sake
of our little...Copy !req
1014. bubble boy.Copy !req
1015. Excuse me.Copy !req
1016. Oh, no. Here.Copy !req
1017. It's amazing how many
beautiful women live
in New York.Copy !req
1018. Well, you're as pretty
as any of them.Copy !req
1019. Well, you're as pretty
as any of them.Copy !req
1020. Just need a nose job.Copy !req
1021. In fact, I hate anyone
that ever had a ponyCopy !req
1022. when they were growin' up.Copy !req
1023. I had a pony.Copy !req
1024. Well, I... didn't, uh...Copy !req
1025. When I was a little girl
in Poland,Copy !req
1026. When I was a little girl
in Poland,Copy !req
1027. we all had ponies.Copy !req
1028. My sister had pony.Copy !req
1029. My cousin had pony.Copy !req
1030. So, what's wrong with that?Copy !req
1031. Nothing, nothing at all.Copy !req
1032. He was a beautiful pony.Copy !req
1033. And I loved him.Copy !req
1034. Well, I'm sure you did.Copy !req
1035. Who wouldn't love a pony?Copy !req
1036. Who wouldn't love a person
that had a pony?Copy !req
1037. You.Copy !req
1038. You said so.Copy !req
1039. That's
my father's cabin.Copy !req
1040. I just realized,Copy !req
1041. you never gave me back
the change from the tolls.Copy !req
1042. So you heard
that I was in a car accidentCopy !req
1043. So you heard
that I was in a car accidentCopy !req
1044. and then decided to stop off
for some Jujyfruit?Copy !req
1045. Well...Copy !req
1046. the counter, ahem,
was right there.Copy !req
1047. I didn't know
she had a pony.Copy !req
1048. Who figures an immigrant's
gonna have a pony?Copy !req
1049. I mean, in all
the pictures I sawCopy !req
1050. of immigrants on boats
comin' into New York Harbor...Copy !req
1051. I never saw one of them
sittin' on a pony.Copy !req
1052. But why would anyone
come here if they had a pony?Copy !req
1053. But why would anyone
come here if they had a pony?Copy !req
1054. Who leaves a country
packed with poniesCopy !req
1055. to come to
a non-pony country?Copy !req
1056. It doesn't make sense.Copy !req
1057. Now we'll open
the peritoneal cavity,Copy !req
1058. exposing the body's
internal organs.Copy !req
1059. What are you eating?Copy !req
1060. Junior Mints.Copy !req
1061. You want one?
No.Copy !req
1062. I can't see.Copy !req
1063. Psst!Copy !req
1064. Psst!Copy !req
1065. Psst!Copy !req
1066. Could you get...?Copy !req
1067. Where'd you get those?Copy !req
1068. In the machine.
Do you want one?Copy !req
1069. No.
Here.Copy !req
1070. Take one.
I don't want one.Copy !req
1071. No, they're good.
Take one.Copy !req
1072. I don't want any.
Just take one.Copy !req
1073. No, Kramer.
Stop it.Copy !req
1074. It's a Junior Mint.Copy !req
1075. Drake's Coffee Cake.Copy !req
1076. Snapple?
No, thanks.Copy !req
1077. Snapple?
No, thanks.Copy !req
1078. PEZ?
Uh, no.Copy !req
1079. PEZ?
Uh, no.Copy !req
1080. Do you have a box
of Jujyfruits?Copy !req
1081. Clark Bar.Copy !req
1082. I love Yoo-hoo.Copy !req
1083. Ooh, Chunkys.Copy !req
1084. Chocolate babka.Copy !req
1085. It's Gore-Tex.Copy !req
1086. Ooh, cashmere?Copy !req
1087. No, Gore-Tex.Copy !req
1088. Who's gonna turn down
a Junior Mint?Copy !req
1089. It's chocolate,
it's peppermint.Copy !req
1090. It's delicious!
That's true.Copy !req
1091. It's very refreshing!Copy !req
1092. What's goin' on
over here?Copy !req
1093. There's a beached whale.
She's dying.Copy !req
1094. Is anyone here
a marine biologist?Copy !req
1095. The sea was angry that day,
my friends.Copy !req
1096. Like an old man trying to
send back soup in a deli.Copy !req
1097. I got about 50 feet out,
when suddenly...Copy !req
1098. the great beast appeared
before me.Copy !req
1099. I tell you, he was 10 stories
high if he was a foot.Copy !req
1100. As if sensing my presence,
he let out a great bellow.Copy !req
1101. I said, "Easy, big fella."Copy !req
1102. I said, "Easy, big fella."Copy !req
1103. And then... as I watched him
struggling, I realizedCopy !req
1104. that something was
obstructing its breathing.Copy !req
1105. From where I was standing,Copy !req
1106. I could see directly into
the eye of the great fish.Copy !req
1107. Mammal.
Whatever.Copy !req
1108. Well, what did
you do next?Copy !req
1109. Well, then,
from out of nowhere,Copy !req
1110. a huge tidal wave lifted me,Copy !req
1111. tossed me like a cork,Copy !req
1112. and I found myself
right on top of him,Copy !req
1113. face-to-face
with the blowhole!Copy !req
1114. I— I could barely see
from the wavesCopy !req
1115. crashing down upon me,Copy !req
1116. but I knew
something was there.Copy !req
1117. but I knew
something was there.Copy !req
1118. So I reached my hand in,
felt around,Copy !req
1119. and pulled out
the obstruction!Copy !req
1120. What is that,
a Titleist?Copy !req
1121. A hole in one, huh?Copy !req
1122. So we go in to NBC.Copy !req
1123. We tell 'em we got an idea
for a show about nothing.Copy !req
1124. Exactly.
They say,Copy !req
1125. "What's your show about?"Copy !req
1126. I say, "nothing."
There you go.Copy !req
1127. I think you may have
something here.Copy !req
1128. Look, why don't you two just
go to the movies by yourself?Copy !req
1129. I'm not in the mood.Copy !req
1130. Well, me either.
I'm goin' to Sky Burger.Copy !req
1131. So you're not goin'?Copy !req
1132. You don't need us.Copy !req
1133. Well, I can't go
to a bad movie by myself.Copy !req
1134. What, am I gonna make
sarcastic remarks
to strangers?Copy !req
1135. Oh, I guess
I'll just go to my uncle's.Copy !req
1136. Should we tell him
we're leaving?Copy !req
1137. What for?
Let's just get outta here.Copy !req
1138. What for?
Let's just get outta here.Copy !req
1139. Seinfeld, four!Copy !req