1. Loyalty to any one sports team
is pretty hard to justify.
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2. Because the players
are always changing,
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3. the team can move
to another city.
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4. You're actually rooting
for the clothes
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5. when you get right down to it.
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6. I mean, you are standing
and cheering and yelling
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7. for your clothes to beat
the clothes from another city.
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8. Fans will be so in love
with a player,
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9. but if he goes to another team,
they boo him.
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10. This is the same human being
in a different shirt.
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11. They hate him now.
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12. "Boo!
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13. "Different shirt.
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14. "Different shirt.
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15. Booooo."
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16. Sure you don't
want the tickets?
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17. No thanks.
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18. I can't believe
I'm having trouble
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19. getting rid of
Super Bowl tickets.
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20. I'm telling you, skip the
Drakes' wedding. Go to the game.
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21. I can't. The Drake put me
in the wedding party.
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22. Well, who schedules his wedding
on Super Bowl Sunday?
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23. Maybe he didn't know.
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24. Lemme see.
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25. I can't believe you
got these for free.
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26. What—? Row F?
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27. Row F.
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28. In front of the Gs.
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29. Hobnobbing with the Ds and Es.
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30. What about Kramer or Elaine?
They don't want them?
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31. I asked.
Elaine laughed at me.
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32. Kramer's only interested
in Canadian football.
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33. Kramer's only interested
in Canadian football.
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34. Well, wish
I could help you.
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35. Come on. Take 'em.
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36. You could take Bonnie.
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37. You payin' my hotel
and airfare to Miami?
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38. What do you think?
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39. So in order to use these,
I gotta spend, like, 1500 bucks.
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40. This is a bill for $1500.
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41. Plus, she'd ask about
the sleeping arrangements.
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42. I find those sleeping-
arrangement conversations
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43. depressing.
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44. Yeah.
Sleeping arrangements.
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45. So you haven't, uh...?
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46. Oh, no, no, no.
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47. I haven't even seen
her apartment yet.
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48. Tomorrow is the first night.
Ah-ha.
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49. Hey, hey, hey.
Is that Tim Whatley?
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50. The dentist?
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51. Yeah. Is he still
mad at you
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52. Yeah. Is he still
mad at you
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53. for crashing
his Thanksgiving party?
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54. Oh, no. I explained
the whole thing to him.
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55. Oh, good.
Yeah.
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56. I blamed it on you.
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57. Hi, Tim.
Hey, Jerry.
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58. George.
What are you up to?
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59. Oh, just a couple gals out on
the town, shoppin' and gabbin'.
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60. I'm gettin'
a makeover.
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61. Hey. How'd you like
to go to the Super Bowl?
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62. What?
Are you kidding?
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63. Here.
Two tickets.
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64. Have a good time.
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65. Whoa, how can
I thank you?
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66. I tell you what, I'll take
you to dinner sometime.
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67. Ever been to Mendy's?
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68. No. No, no. No, no.
No dinner.
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69. Tim, you didn't
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70. have to get me
a thank-you gift.
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71. I know.
It's a label maker.
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72. The Label Baby Junior.
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73. Yeah, I hear they're good.
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74. Well, label me thankful.
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75. Okay. Well, you enjoy
those tickets.
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76. Bye-bye.
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77. Yeah?
Gah!
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78. Come in.
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79. Hey, where can I
put this?
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80. What is it?
It's Risk, Jerry,
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81. What is it?
It's Risk, Jerry,
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82. the game
of world conquest.
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83. All right,
that's perfect.
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84. Kramer, why do you have to—?
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85. Hello, Newman.
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86. Hello, Jerry.
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87. Will he take it?
I gotta go to work?
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88. Take what?
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89. The board, Jerry.
We been playing
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90. at Newman's for six hours,
but he's gotta go.
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91. So why don't you
leave it at Newman's?
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92. I wanted to.
He won't let me.
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93. We have to put the board
in a neutral place
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94. where no one
will tamper with it.
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95. So that's here?
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96. Yes, yes.
You're like Switzerland.
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97. Yes, yes.
You're like Switzerland.
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98. I don't wanna
be Switzerland.
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99. Jerry, Newman and I
are engaged in an epic struggle
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100. for world domination.
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101. It's winner take all.
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102. People cannot be trusted.
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103. Don't look at me.
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104. Oh, I'm lookin'
right at you, big daddy.
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105. All right,
soldier boys.
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106. Let's fall out.
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107. So you're
gonna look after it?
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108. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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109. Stay strong, buddy.
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110. Yeah, yeah.
Watch it good.
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111. Hey, hi.
Hey. Hey!
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112. Hey.
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113. Oh, is that a label maker?
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114. Yes, it is.
I got it as a gift.
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115. Yes, it is.
I got it as a gift.
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116. It's a Label Baby Junior.
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117. Mmm...
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118. Love the Label Baby, baby.
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119. You know those things
make great gifts.
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120. I just got one of those
for Tim Whatley for Christmas.
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121. Tim Whatley?
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122. Yeah. Who sent you that one?
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123. One Tim Whatley.
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124. No. My Tim Whatley?
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125. The same. He sent it
as a thank you
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126. for my Super Bowl
tickets.
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127. I think this is
the same one I gave him.
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128. He recycled this gift.
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129. He's are-gifter.
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130. Or... maybe he liked
your gift so much
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131. Or... maybe he liked
your gift so much
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132. he decided to get me
the same thing.
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133. Perhaps it's an homage.
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134. Yeah, perhaps.
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135. How did he react
when you gave it to him?
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136. Um, he said,
"Oh, a label maker.
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137. How about that?"
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138. He repeated the name
of the gift?
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139. Yeah. So?
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140. If you repeat
the name of the gift,
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141. you can't possibly like it.
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142. What do you mean?
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143. Like when someone
opens something up
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144. and they go,
"Oh, tube socks."
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145. What are you gonna
do about it?
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146. I don't know. I guess
I'll just get invited up
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147. I don't know. I guess
I'll just get invited up
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148. to his apartment and...
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149. see if he's got a label maker.
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150. Why'd you get him
a gift anyway?
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151. He did some dental work for me
and didn't charge me,
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152. so I thought I'd get him
a Christmas present.
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153. If you're getting him anything
for his birthday, I'm a large.
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154. Well, here we are.
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155. This is the place.
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156. Wow!
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157. You like it?
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158. I love it.
This is fantastic.
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159. Look at this couch.
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160. Is this velvet?
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161. Is this velvet?
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162. Are you a velvet fan?
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163. A fan?
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164. I would drape myself in velvet
if it was socially acceptable.
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165. Look at this,
hardwood floors.
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166. Aren't they great?
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167. Oh, Scott, hi.
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168. This is George.
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169. George this is Scott,
my roommate.
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170. Hey.
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171. Here. Check out
this view.
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172. If you lean out this window,
you can see the river.
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173. So Scott's your roommate, huh?
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174. Yes.
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175. Well, I'm sure
I've mentioned him.
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176. No, I don't think
you mentioned him.
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177. He's a great guy.
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178. You'll really like him.
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179. I'm sure I will.
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180. Male roommate?
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181. Yes, a male roommate.
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182. And this is a problem?
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183. It's a huge problem, Jerry.
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184. The hardest part about
having sex with a woman
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185. is getting her
to come back to your place.
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186. He's already got that.
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187. Well, maybe he's—
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188. No, believe me, he's not.
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189. No, believe me, he's not.
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190. So he's
an eligible receiver.
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191. She's confiding in him
about our dates.
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192. You always like the person
you talk to about the date
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193. more than the date.
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194. It's just a matter of time
until they realize,
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195. "Hey! We could have sex."
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196. What's stopping 'em?
Exactly.
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197. You know how they get animals
to reproduce in captivity?
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198. They just put 'em
in the same cage.
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199. What does he look like?
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200. Oh, that's the worst part of it.
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201. He looks just like me.
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202. He looks like you, and he's
workin' from the inside?
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203. I look like me, and I'm
workin' from the outside.
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204. Who do you think's in
the better position?
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205. Who do you think's in
the better position?
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206. Not you.
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207. This bizarre Harrad Experiment
must end!
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208. We'll take
a check, please.
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209. I gotta find a way to work
this out. I love that apartment.
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210. It's so cozy.
I'm ensconced in velvet.
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211. If it was socially acceptable—
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212. I know, you would
drape yourself in velvet.
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213. I've said that before?
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214. Many times.
You love velvet.
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215. You wanna live in velvet.
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216. Everything with the velvet.
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217. Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
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218. Guess what.
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219. I saw Newman talkin'
to the super.
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220. I saw Newman talkin'
to the super.
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221. So what?
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222. The super has keys
to your apartment.
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223. Don't you see
what's goin' on?
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224. Newman is plannin'
a sneak-attack.
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225. Oh, maybe he's got
no hot water.
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226. Yeah.
All right. Fine.
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227. You sit there, and you watch,
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228. while Newman
takes over the world.
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229. But he'd be a horrible leader.
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230. And you know
who's gonna suffer?
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231. The little people.
You and George.
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232. Are you through?
All right, all right.
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233. Oh! I talked to
Arthur Jobania.
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234. Yeah, the Drakes' wedding,
that's off.
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235. The wedding's off?
What happened?
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236. The Drake, he found out
that the wedding's
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237. The Drake, he found out
that the wedding's
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238. on the same day
as the Super Bowl.
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239. So he wanted to postpone it.
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240. They got in a big argument,
and...
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241. Ka-pow! It's over.
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242. The wedding is off.
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243. Now you can go
to the Super Bowl.
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244. I can't call Tim Whatley
and ask for the tickets back.
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245. You just gave them
to him two days ago.
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246. He's gotta give you
a grace period.
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247. Are you even vaguely familiar
with the concept of giving?
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248. There's no grace period.
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249. Well, didn't he re-gift
the label maker?
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250. Possibly.
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251. Well, if he can re-gift,
why can't you de-gift?
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252. You may have a point.
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253. I have a point.
I have a point.
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254. All right, I'll call him.
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255. Good. What's that?
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256. Oh, it's Risk.
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257. It's a game of world domination
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258. bein' played by two guys who can
barely run their own lives.
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259. Hello, Tim.
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260. Yeah, hi, it's
Jerry Seinfeld.
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261. Hey, remember those
tickets I gave you?
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262. Well, it turns out
I can use them.
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263. Well, it turns out
I can use them.
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264. Oh, you do?
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265. I understand.
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266. Okay. Bye.
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267. He already made plans.
He can't change 'em.
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268. Well, they're his tickets.
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269. He can do what he wants
with them.
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270. Thanks.
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271. All right. I gotta
go to Bonnie's.
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272. What are you gonna do
about the roommate?
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273. I gotta try and figure out
a way to switch places with him.
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274. It's like
a Siegfried & Roy trick.
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275. Well, the pickle breath
is a good start.
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276. Hello, Jerry.
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277. May I come in?
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278. May I come in?
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279. What do you want?
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280. Nothing.
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281. Just being neighborly.
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282. You wanna hang out,
shoot the breeze?
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283. I'm not lettin'
you cheat, Newman.
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284. You're not gettin'
anywhere near that board.
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285. Jerry,
I'm a little insulted.
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286. You're not a little
anything, Newman.
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287. So just pack it up
and move it outta here.
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288. All right.
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289. Oh, uh, by the way.
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290. What are you doing
for the Super Bowl?
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291. I don't know. Watch it
on TV, I guess. Why?
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292. Well, if you watch closely
enough, you just might see me.
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293. Well, if you watch closely
enough, you just might see me.
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294. I'll be the one
waving to the camera
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295. from my seat
on the 40-yard line.
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296. You're going?
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297. Yes, I am. A guy on
my mail route just
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298. got a couple of tickets,
and he offered one to me.
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299. What's his name?
Tim Whatley.
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300. That's my ticket.
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301. Is it? Oh, well,
if only you'd known,
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302. you could have saved some time
and given it directly to me.
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303. Newman.
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304. What a movie.
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305. Good choice.
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306. Thank Scott.
He recommended it.
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307. Oh, Scott,
Scott, Scott.
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308. Oh, Scott,
Scott, Scott.
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309. He's really great
isn't he?
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310. Yes, he is.
Yes, he is.
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311. Let me ask you something.
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312. When you're comin' out of the
shower and you put your robe on,
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313. do you cinch it real tight?
Are you concerned about that?
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314. George.
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315. Do you hold the neck
together with one hand,
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316. or you just letting it
flap in the breeze?
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317. George, you're
being ridiculous.
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318. What's the massage
situation?
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319. What's the massage
situation?
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320. What do you mean?
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321. Is there any work
being done?
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322. Is there any rubbing, touching?
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323. Finger manipulation
on the other person?
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324. And if so,
who's makin' the request?
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325. George, would you just stop?
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326. Say you go to the bathroom
at 2:00 in the morning.
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327. What's the outfit?
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328. I mean, are you dressin' up,
or is it... come as you are?
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329. George, what is
wrong with you?
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330. I tell you what's wrong...
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331. a grown woman
with a male roommate!
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332. a grown woman
with a male roommate!
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333. It's unnatural.
It's an abomination.
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334. Hey.
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335. Hey.
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336. How you doin'?
I'm good.
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337. Are you gonna need
the bathroom
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338. 'cause I'm gonna
jump in the shower.
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339. No. Just throw my bras
out of the way.
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340. Well, this is
my building.
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341. Yes, it is.
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342. This was fun, you know.
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343. Yeah.
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344. So, I...
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345. guess I'll talk to you.
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346. guess I'll talk to you.
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347. Aren't you gonna
invite me upstairs?
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348. Upstairs? You—?
You wanna go upstairs?
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349. I would love to go upstairs.
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350. Wow.
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351. Elaine, you are
something else.
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352. No one could ever put
a label on you, huh?
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353. We'll see.
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354. Newman.
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355. He's goin' with Newman.
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356. How does Tim Whatley
even know Newman?
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357. Newman's his mailman.
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358. Who goes to the Super Bowl
with their mailman?
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359. Who goes anywhere with Newman?
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360. Who goes anywhere with Newman?
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361. Well...
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362. he's merry.
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363. He is merry.
I'll give him that.
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364. What's this plant for?
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365. Oh, I had a little tiff with
Bonnie about the roommate.
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366. Oh. Well, the cactus
will smooth things over.
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367. Hey.
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368. Guess what.
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369. What?
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370. We went out last night,
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371. and he offered me a ticket.
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372. What about the label maker?
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373. Oh. Well...
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374. Wait a minute.
That's my ticket.
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375. Wait a minute.
That's my ticket.
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376. You didn't even wanna go.
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377. It was totally
out of the blue.
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378. We went upstairs
to his apartment,
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379. you know, to look
for the label maker—
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380. So how did you get up there?
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381. Did you say you had
to use the bathroom?
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382. No.
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383. Then how'd you get up there?
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384. I said, "Do you wanna
go upstairs?"
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385. Oh!
And there's your ticket.
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386. What?
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387. That's why you're going
to the Super Bowl.
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388. Why?
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389. You go out with
a guy one time.
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390. You ask him to go upstairs
like you're Mae West?
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391. Of course he's gonna try and
get you alone for the weekend.
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392. You mean, just because
I asked him to go upstairs
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393. You mean, just because
I asked him to go upstairs
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394. he thinks
he's goin' downtown?
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395. Obviously.
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396. You're crazy!
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397. Well, what happened
when you got upstairs?
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398. As soon as we walked in, he got
a call from one of his patients
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399. with an impacted molar or
something, so he had to leave.
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400. I didn't get a chance
to look for the label maker.
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401. Yeah, well, I don't
trust this guy.
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402. I think he re-gifted,
and then he de-gifted.
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403. And now he's using
an upstairs invite
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404. as a springboard
to a Super Bowl sex romp.
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405. Hey.
Hey.
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406. What are you doing?
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407. I'm watching your door.
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408. My door?
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409. Yeah, from my peephole.
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410. Fisheye. Sees all.
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411. What was that?
Newman!
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412. Open it. Open it.
Open it.
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413. Damn!
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414. The bedroom.
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415. The bedroom.
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416. Get him!
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417. I see ya, Newman!
I see ya!
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418. I'm taking the Congo
as a penalty!
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419. I've got a confession to make.
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420. Oh? What's that?
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421. I've got Super Bowl fever.
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422. Oh, yeah, me too.
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423. Yeah.
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424. S-so where are we staying?
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425. Oh, the Ambassador.
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426. Oh.
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427. Big room?
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428. Big room?
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429. It's a regular room,
but it's right downtown.
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430. Downtown?
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431. Right downtown.
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432. So, what do they have there?
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433. A couple of beds?
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434. Why? Are you
bringing someone else?
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435. No, but...
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436. don't you think
there should be two beds?
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437. There's two of us.
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438. Oh, a cactus.
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439. Oh, a cactus.
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440. They don't need any water,
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441. so you don't have to keep
takin' 'em to the bathroom.
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442. Well...
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443. look who's here.
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444. I asked Scott to move out.
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445. Oh.
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446. Ohhh.
Copy !req
447. So she kicked him
out of the apartment?
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448. That's right.
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449. It's just me and her.
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450. Wow. She rearranged
her whole life for you.
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451. Yeah, I guess she did.
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452. Yeah, I guess she did.
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453. He's gone.
Now I'm the man.
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454. That's not a good role for you.
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455. No, it's not.
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456. You unwittingly made
a major commitment.
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457. That's a lot of pressure.
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458. Oh, my God.
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459. You wanted to be
ensconced in velvet.
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460. You're buried.
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461. I had
the perfect situation here.
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462. He was shouldering
half the load.
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463. He was shouldering.
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464. I couldn't leave
well enough alone.
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465. Where you goin'?
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466. I gotta go help her
tape up all his boxes
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467. and get 'em ready
for shipping.
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468. and get 'em ready
for shipping.
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469. Oh. Well, here.
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470. Take Whatley's
label maker.
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471. I don't wanna
see it again.
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472. Thanks.
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473. Yeah.
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474. I am takin' over
South America,
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475. and there ain't nothin'
you can do about it.
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476. So too bad about that Super Bowl
ticket, huh, Newman.
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477. Yeah. I just hope
Tim Whatley's electric bills
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478. don't suddenly get lost
in the mail,
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479. or it could be
lights out for him.
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480. Thanks for having
me over, guys.
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481. All right.
I'll see you later.
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482. All right.
I'll see you later.
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483. Oh, hey, Jerry.
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484. Ah, Tim Whatley.
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485. Out scalping?
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486. Oh, you see. Now, I've
been thinking a lot
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487. about what happened,
and I feel horrible.
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488. Listen. I want to give
you a ticket back.
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489. Are you serious?
What about Elaine?
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490. Oh, Elaine, yeah.
Well...
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491. things just didn't work out like
I thought they would.
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492. Ah.
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493. Hey, isn't this
Kramer's car?
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494. Hey, Cosmo!
They're towing your car!
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495. What?
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496. Not my car!
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497. Aah!
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498. Aah!
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499. They're towing my car!
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500. What are you doin'?
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501. I'm takin' the board with me.
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502. Hey!
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503. Hey!
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504. Hey!
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505. That's my—!
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506. Wait a minute!
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507. So, I guess I'll see you
at the game.
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508. Yeah. See you there.
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509. Okay. Good.
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510. Okay. Good.
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511. Hi, George.
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512. Where—? What happened?
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513. Where's—?
Where's all the stuff?
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514. It's gone.
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515. It was all his.
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516. Is this a label maker?
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517. But the table,
the stereo, the VCR, the...
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518. The velvet couch!
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519. Where's the velvet?
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520. They were his.
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521. Besides, we don't need
any of those things.
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522. We have each other.
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523. We have each other.
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524. Are you, um, sure you know
where the impound yard is?
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525. Oh, stop stalling.
Come on.
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526. I can't think.
It's all this noise.
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527. Or is it because I've built
a stronghold around Greenland,
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528. I've driven you
out of Western Europe,
Copy !req
529. and I've left you
teetering on the brink
Copy !req
530. of complete annihilation?
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531. I'm not beaten yet.
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532. I still have armies
in the Ukraine.
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533. Yeah? The Ukraine.
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534. You know what
the Ukraine is?
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535. You know what
the Ukraine is?
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536. It's a sitting duck.
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537. A road apple, Newman.
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538. The Ukraine is weak.
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539. It's feeble.
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540. I think it's time to put
the hurt on the Ukraine.
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541. I come from Ukraine.
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542. You not say Ukraine weak.
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543. Well, we're playing
a game here, pal.
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544. Ukraine is game to you?
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545. How about I take your
little board and smash!
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546. Ahh!
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547. Hello, Tim.
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548. Oh!
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549. Elaine, hi.
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550. Elaine, hi.
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551. Don't worry, Tim.
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552. I didn't come by
to yell at you.
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553. I didn't come by
for that at all.
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554. I just came by to pick up
my label maker.
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555. I gave you a label maker,
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556. and now I would like
to have it back.
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557. But you gave it to me.
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558. Ah! But you gave me a ticket
to the Super Bowl.
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559. Hand it over, Whatley.
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560. Uh... okay.
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561. You don't have
the label maker, do you?
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562. Uh, no.
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563. I knew it!
You're are-gifter!
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564. Oh, yeah. Some gift.
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565. Oh, yeah. Some gift.
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566. That thing didn't
work at all.
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567. What?
You put a label on something,
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568. then ten minutes later,
it would peel right off.
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569. It was the worst gift
I ever got.
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570. Well, I bought it for you
because...
Copy !req
571. you were so nice to me for not
charging me for the dental work.
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572. The way you worked on
my filling, you were so...
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573. So gentle and so caring.
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574. And so sensitive.
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575. Oh, Elaine.
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576. Oh, Elaine.
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577. Oh!
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578. H... G... F.
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579. Seat 4.
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580. One...
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581. two...
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582. three...
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583. Per—
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584. Hello, Newman.
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585. Hello, Newman.
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586. Hello, Jerry.
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587. Tim couldn't make it.
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588. He's in love.
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589. Oh.
Isn't that wonderful?
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590. Oh, it's enchanting.
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591. Here's the TV.
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592. I know you wanted
to watch the Super Bowl.
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593. Do you, uh...
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594. at least have some towels
we could sit on?
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595. at least have some towels
we could sit on?
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596. It's, like, a four-hour game.
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597. George,
Scott's gonna drop by.
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598. He said he never
got his boxes.
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599. I'll get the towels.
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600. How am I gonna get out of this?
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601. Think, Costanza. Think!
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602. Here we are.
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603. Hey...
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604. You know, Bonnie, I...
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605. I just had a pretty wild idea.
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606. What is it?
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607. Well, I, uh...
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608. I'm not sure how you
pronounce it or anything,
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609. I'm not sure how you
pronounce it or anything,
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610. but I, uh...
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611. I believe it's ménage à trois?
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612. What?
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613. Hi.
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614. Scott!
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615. Remember what we talked
about the other day?
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616. George is into it.
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617. Oh, really?
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618. Great streak of luck
I'm havin'.
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619. First, Kramer almost
beats me at Risk,
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620. but I narrowly escaped,
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621. and then Tim Whatley gives
me the Super Bowl ticket.
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622. Can you move over at all?
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623. And then— Then just
as I'm about to go,
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624. these boxes show up at
the post office with no labels.
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625. No labels, Jerry.
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626. You know what that means?
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627. Freebies!
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628. I got this great mini TV
and a VCR.
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629. I got this great mini TV
and a VCR.
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630. Oh, it's unbelievable.
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631. An inch.
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632. Can you move over
an inch?
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633. Aw, come on.
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