1. Ever called someone and were
disappointed when they answered?Copy !req
2. You wanted the machine.Copy !req
3. You're always thrown off.Copy !req
4. You go, "Oh, I- I didn't know
you were there.Copy !req
5. I just wanted to leave a message
saying, 'Sorry I missed you."'Copy !req
6. So here's two people who hate each
other, don't really ever wanna talk...Copy !req
7. but the phone machine
is like this relationship respirator...Copy !req
8. keeping these marginal,
brain-dead relationships alive.Copy !req
9. We do it so when we come home,
you can see the little flashing red light.Copy !req
10. You go, "All right, messages."Copy !req
11. You see, people need that.Copy !req
12. It's very important for human beings
to feel popular and well-liked...Copy !req
13. amongst a large group of people
we don't care for.Copy !req
14. Well, this is it.Copy !req
15. Oh, this is nice.Copy !req
16. - Thanks again for the Chinese food.
- Oh, you're welcome.Copy !req
17. - I think I ate too much of that garlic.
- Me too.Copy !req
18. I ate the whole plate. I didn't know.
I thought they were peanuts.Copy !req
19. You know what, I think Nak ed Gun
is on. Oh, I've seen it.Copy !req
20. I laughed through that whole thing.
Wanna watch?Copy !req
21. No.Copy !req
22. - I mean, I don't think so.
- I thought you liked to laugh.Copy !req
23. I thought you were
happy-go-lucky.Copy !req
24. No, no. I'm not happy,
I'm not lucky, and I don't go.Copy !req
25. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky.Copy !req
26. That's not funny, Naomi.
I didn't mean to be funny there.Copy !req
27. Why don't you check the TV Guide?
I think Ho/ocaust is on.Copy !req
28. Jerry, it's George. You a/ set for the
week end? This is gonna be great.Copy !req
29. You'/ have a great time with Naomi.Copy !req
30. A/ right, she's got that /augh.Copy !req
31. What'd you say, it's /ik e E/mer Fudd
sitting on a juicer?Copy !req
32. I was thinking we'd tak e two cars
up to the cabin.Copy !req
33. That way, you know, if one of us
wanted to stay-Copy !req
34. This thing has never worked right.Copy !req
35. You think I laugh like Elmer Fudd
sitting on a juicer?Copy !req
36. Well, first of all, Elmer Fudd
is one of the most beloved...Copy !req
37. internationally known
cartoon characters of all time.Copy !req
38. "I'm gonna kill that cwazy wabbit."Copy !req
39. Come on! Not only that, a juicer
is one of the healthiest ways-Copy !req
40. It makes juice, it extracts the pulp
and- And then the vitamins.Copy !req
41. For long life and vitality.Copy !req
42. How could you leave
a message like that?Copy !req
43. How could you play it to just anyone?Copy !req
44. I didn't think you'd leave it.Copy !req
45. - I didn't think you'd play it.
- Now she's not coming this weekend.Copy !req
46. What do you mean, not going?
We got plans. Call her up.Copy !req
47. Ah, it's better anyway.Copy !req
48. I mean, really.
What was gonna happen?Copy !req
49. I'm a comedian. How can I go out
with a girl with a laugh like that?Copy !req
50. It's like Coco Chanel going out
with a fishmonger.Copy !req
51. You know, she's with all the perfumes,
and a fishmonger's a pretty bad smell.Copy !req
52. Well, maybe you should ask Elaine.Copy !req
53. But if I ask Elaine,
Kramer will feel slighted.Copy !req
54. Oh, no, no. Don't say anything
to Kramer. Susan can't stand him.Copy !req
55. He vomited all over her.Copy !req
56. Wait a minute. Do you smell smoke?Copy !req
57. - Ah, Kramer.
- Hello, boys.Copy !req
58. Top of the morning to you.Copy !req
59. What do you say? What do you be?Copy !req
60. Put that thing out before you start
another fire.Copy !req
61. You had to give him cigars.Copy !req
62. So, what are you guys
doing this weekend?Copy !req
63. - Ah, we're...
- Because I'm gonna be playing golf...Copy !req
64. at the Westchester Country Club.Copy !req
65. Westchester? Isn't that a private club?Copy !req
66. That's right, buddy.
It's private. It's very private.Copy !req
67. I met the pro at the golf shop up on
49th Street. I gave him a Cuban...Copy !req
68. and he invites me for a free round.Copy !req
69. Then he says, anytime I lay one of
these on him, it'll be the same deal.Copy !req
70. - Wow.
- Isn't that beautiful?Copy !req
71. Man, I'm gonna be hitting
the links all weekend.Copy !req
72. - Gee, that's- That's too bad.
- Yeah. Too bad.Copy !req
73. - Why? What? What?
- Because we were just saying...Copy !req
74. we were gonna ask you
to the country.Copy !req
75. Susan's father has a cabin up there,
but all right.Copy !req
76. They got any
golf courses up there?Copy !req
77. No, no, no.Copy !req
78. - No, no, that's pie country.
- Yeah.Copy !req
79. Yeah, they do a lot of baking up there.Copy !req
80. They sell them by the road.
Blueberry, blackberry.Copy !req
81. - Blackberry, boysenberry.
- Boysenberry, huckleberry.Copy !req
82. - Raspberry, strawberry.
- Strawberry, cranberry.Copy !req
83. Peach.Copy !req
84. - I don't know.
- Come on, I don't wanna tag along...Copy !req
85. with George and Susan.
With you, it's a better group.Copy !req
86. - What's that?
- Oh, it's an autographed picture...Copy !req
87. for my dry cleaner. I never know
what to write on these things.Copy !req
88. I hate doing this.Copy !req
89. "I'm very impressed"?Copy !req
90. You mean "pressed"
because it's a dry cleaner?Copy !req
91. Yeah, see? That's why I hate it.Copy !req
92. So come on, you wanna go?Copy !req
93. Well, what about the sleeping
arrangements in the cabin?Copy !req
94. Well... Same bed,
and underwear and a T-shirt.Copy !req
95. - What about me?
- Well, you'd be naked, of course.Copy !req
96. - Excuse me. Jerry Seinfeld?
- Yeah.Copy !req
97. My names Sanger, Mel Sanger.
I drive that truck out there.Copy !req
98. - The Yoo-hoo?
- Yeah.Copy !req
99. - I love Yoo-hoo.
- Yes, it's a fine product.Copy !req
100. I saw you on The Tonight Show
a couple of weeks ago.Copy !req
101. I was watching the show
with my son Donald.Copy !req
102. He's got this rare immune deficiency
in his blood.Copy !req
103. The damnedest thing. Doctors say
he has to live in a plastic bubble.Copy !req
104. Can you imagine that? A bubble.Copy !req
105. - A bubble?
- A bubble?Copy !req
106. Yes, a bubble.Copy !req
107. - Do you mind? May I?
- Oh, sure.Copy !req
108. It'd break your heart
seeing him in there.Copy !req
109. He's like a prisoner.
No friends. Just his mother and me.Copy !req
110. And I'm out there six days
a week hauling Yoo-hoo.Copy !req
111. We have sacrificed everything,
all for the sake of our little...Copy !req
112. bubble boy.Copy !req
113. - Excuse me.
- Oh, here.Copy !req
114. Excuse me.Copy !req
115. Anyway, we were watching
you on TV...Copy !req
116. You get in the bubble with him?Copy !req
117. No. He can see through the bubble,
it's plastic.Copy !req
118. - Oh, I thought it was like an igloo.
- No. It's clear.Copy !req
119. Who has the remote?Copy !req
120. He does.Copy !req
121. The remote goes through the bubble?Copy !req
122. Yeah. He's in the bubble
with the remote.Copy !req
123. So you have no control
over the remote?Copy !req
124. No. It's frustrating.Copy !req
125. Yeah. Of course. Yeah.Copy !req
126. So anyway,
you're his favourite comedian.Copy !req
127. He laughed so hard the other night...Copy !req
128. we had to give him
an extra shot of haemoglobin.Copy !req
129. That's nice.Copy !req
130. Tomorrow is his birthday.Copy !req
131. And it would mean so much to him
if you could find it in your heart...Copy !req
132. - ... to pay him a visit and just say hello.
- Oh, well, tomorrow, I-Copy !req
133. Jerry. Of course he'd pay him a visit.
You'd be happy to.Copy !req
134. Yeah. Okay...Copy !req
135. Tomorrow. Where do you live?
Uptown? Up Westside?Copy !req
136. - No. Upstate.
- Upstate.Copy !req
137. He's a bubble boy!Copy !req
138. - A bubble boy?
- Yes, a bubble boy.Copy !req
139. - What's a bubble boy?
- He lives in a bubble.Copy !req
140. Boy.Copy !req
141. What kind of a bubble, like an igloo?Copy !req
142. No, that's what I thought. It's
a piece of plastic dividing the room.Copy !req
143. What kind of plastic do you think it is?
Like that dry-cleaning plastic?Copy !req
144. That's no good.Copy !req
145. He wouldn't last 10 minutes in there.Copy !req
146. What can I do?
I promised I'd go visit him tomorrow.Copy !req
147. It's his birthday.
I can't go to the cabin.Copy !req
148. - Well, where does he live?
- I don't know. Upstate. Fall-something.Copy !req
149. Wait a minute. This is right
on the way to the cabin.Copy !req
150. Oh, all right. Beautiful. So you stop in,
visit the bubble boy for 20 minutes...Copy !req
151. - ... then we can go.
- You think so?Copy !req
152. I know exactly where this is.
You can just follow us.Copy !req
153. Oh, great. Okay, we're going away.Copy !req
154. - I think I'm excited.
- I'm excited.Copy !req
155. Oh, you're gonna love this cabin.
My grandfather built it in 1947.Copy !req
156. - It's incredible.
- There you go. It's a '47 cabin.Copy !req
157. - So we'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.Copy !req
158. Well, hey.Copy !req
159. Very nice. Very nice.Copy !req
160. - Well, I'm off to the links.
- Yeah.Copy !req
161. I wanna thank you
for the invite upstate.Copy !req
162. I'm sorry I can't make it.Copy !req
163. - The what?
- Nothing. Let's get going. Come on.Copy !req
164. - Did you-?
- No, no, we'll talk about it later.Copy !req
165. Is that one of the cigars
my father gave you?Copy !req
166. Hey, what's with George and Susan?
Does he actually like her?Copy !req
167. I don't know if he likes her
as much as he likes it.Copy !req
168. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
169. What's he doing? What is his hurry?Copy !req
170. Oh, you know George.
He's gotta make "good time."Copy !req
171. He once went from West 81 st St.
to Kennedy airport in 25 minutes.Copy !req
172. I never heard the end of it.Copy !req
173. Look at him.Copy !req
174. Would you stop that, please?
Just stop that.Copy !req
175. - Why?
- Knock it off. You're distracting me.Copy !req
176. We're making incredible time here.Copy !req
177. I once made it to Kennedy airport
from West 81 St. in 15 minutes.Copy !req
178. Oh, here. Hold this.
It's $10 for the tolls.Copy !req
179. What's he doing?
Is he out of his mind?Copy !req
180. Do you see him? I don't even
see him anymore. Where is he?Copy !req
181. - Isn't that blue car him?
- No, no, that's not him.Copy !req
182. What happened to him?
I can't believe it. I lost him.Copy !req
183. That stupid idiot.Copy !req
184. - Now what are we gonna do?
- It's no big deal, Jerry.Copy !req
185. We'll just meet him
at the bubble boy's house.Copy !req
186. I don't even know
where the bubble boy lives.Copy !req
187. I don't even remember the name
of the town.Copy !req
188. - You don't have the directions?
- No, I was following him!Copy !req
189. How could you not take the directions?Copy !req
190. Because he's my directions.Copy !req
191. I don't see them, George.Copy !req
192. You make plans,
then he goes 100 miles an hour...Copy !req
193. the weekend's over just like that.Copy !req
194. Poor little bubble boy.Copy !req
195. He's sitting there waiting for you
in his bubble or igloo thing, whatever.Copy !req
196. I don't know what to do.
I don't know where I am.Copy !req
197. Just get off at this exit.
We'll figure something out.Copy !req
198. We lost them. Do you know that?
We lost them.Copy !req
199. Well, it's not my fault.Copy !req
200. Seinfeld can't drive.
How hard is it to follow somebody?Copy !req
201. Well, now what are you gonna do?Copy !req
202. It's fine. We'll just meet him
at the bubble boy's house.Copy !req
203. Does he have the address?Copy !req
204. Yeah.Copy !req
205. Leave a message,
I'/ ca/ you back. Thanks.Copy !req
206. Hi, Jerry. It's Naomi.Copy !req
207. Listen, if it's not too /ate,
I changed my mind.Copy !req
208. - I'd /ik e to go to the cabin.
- Wait. Wait.Copy !req
209. Yeah, hello. Hi.Copy !req
210. This is Kramer.Copy !req
211. Yeah. I'm the next-door neighbour.Copy !req
212. You know, Jerry's left, but listen,
you see, my golf game got cancelled.Copy !req
213. I'm thinking of going up myself.Copy !req
214. They got pies,
and I got the directions right here.Copy !req
215. I drive all the way
to the country club...Copy !req
216. and then I find out
there's a tournament going on.Copy !req
217. - You mind if I smoke?
- No.Copy !req
218. These are Cubans.Copy !req
219. I don't know if this is the house.Copy !req
220. I don't see Jerry's car anywhere.Copy !req
221. Would you stop it?Copy !req
222. Would you quit it, please?
Someone is gonna see us here.Copy !req
223. So what?Copy !req
224. You are such a prude.Copy !req
225. Hey. I am not a prude, sweetheart.Copy !req
226. I swing with the best of them.Copy !req
227. - Come on, let's go in.
- What?Copy !req
228. We should tell them what happened.
They might be very late...Copy !req
229. - ... if they make it all.
- I can't go in there.Copy !req
230. I can't face the bubble boy.Copy !req
231. - What's the matter?
- I don't react well to these situations.Copy !req
232. My grandmother died two months early
from how I reacted in the hospital.Copy !req
233. She was getting better.
Then I paid her a visit.Copy !req
234. She saw my face, boom.
That was the end of her.Copy !req
235. - We're going in.
- Wait, please-Copy !req
236. - Come on, George. George, stop.
- Would you wait one moment-Copy !req
237. I can't believe a little thing
like George speeding...Copy !req
238. and my whole weekend is gone.
The plans, the packing. Everything.Copy !req
239. Your whole weekend?
What about the bubble boy?Copy !req
240. Why do you keep bringing up
the bubble boy?Copy !req
241. You don't have to mention him.
I know about the bubble boy.Copy !req
242. I'm aware of the bubble boy.Copy !req
243. Why do you keep reminding me
about the bubble boy?Copy !req
244. I'll have a cup of coffee
and a turkey club.Copy !req
245. - How about you?
- I'll just have a glass of water.Copy !req
246. You can't just have water.Copy !req
247. Why not? That's all I want.Copy !req
248. This isn't a park bench
where you come in and sit down.Copy !req
249. It's a business.Copy !req
250. Hold it a second.Copy !req
251. Don't you play on TV?Copy !req
252. - Oh, no.
- Yes. Yes, you saw him on TV.Copy !req
253. - What's your name?
- Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
254. - Elaine...
- Gary Seinfield.Copy !req
255. - I saw you on The Tonight Show.
- Right.Copy !req
256. Wouldn't you like
an autographed picture?Copy !req
257. I don't have any more pictures, Elaine.Copy !req
258. He's lying. They're in the trunk.Copy !req
259. - Now you get to sign another one.
- I'm not lying.Copy !req
260. Yeah. Yeah, he is.Copy !req
261. She'll have a cup of coffee
and a broiled chicken.Copy !req
262. See, it's not really a bubble.Copy !req
263. A lot of people think it's an igloo,
but it's really just a plastic divider.Copy !req
264. Can you go in the bubble?Copy !req
265. Well, you have to put so many things
on because of the germs.Copy !req
266. The gloves, the mask,
it's a whole production.Copy !req
267. So then he makes his own bed?Copy !req
268. Well, that's one of the things
we fight about.Copy !req
269. Would you like to meet him?Copy !req
270. - Ah, well, you know-
- Oh, he loves games.Copy !req
271. Maybe you could play Trivial Pursuit
with him.Copy !req
272. Hey, Ma! What the hell do I gotta
do to get some food around here?Copy !req
273. I'm starving. And if it's peanut butter,
I'm gonna shove it in your face!Copy !req
274. - One picture left in the trunk.
- Thanks. This is fun.Copy !req
275. Yeah, this turned out to be
a great weekend.Copy !req
276. Where's my water?Copy !req
277. Oh, it's coming.Copy !req
278. - Here you go.
- Thanks.Copy !req
279. What'd you write?Copy !req
280. "Nothing's finer
than being in your diner."Copy !req
281. There is "nothing finer than being
in your diner"?Copy !req
282. - No good?
- This is what you came up with?Copy !req
283. Well?Copy !req
284. That is so lame, Jerry.Copy !req
285. People will be reading that for the
next 20 years and laughing at you.Copy !req
286. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Excuse me. Excuse me.Copy !req
287. Would you mind?
I'd like the picture back.Copy !req
288. - Why?
- I'm not happy with what I wrote.Copy !req
289. - It's good. I like it.
- No, believe me, it's not good.Copy !req
290. I'll mail you one with something
really funny.Copy !req
291. Well, when you mail me a new one,
I'll send you back this one.Copy !req
292. You don't understand.
I want the picture.Copy !req
293. Right.Copy !req
294. This is Donald.Copy !req
295. - Hi.
- Hello.Copy !req
296. Who are you?Copy !req
297. - Where's Seinfeld?
- He's on his way.Copy !req
298. These are his friends.Copy !req
299. What are you looking at?Copy !req
300. Never seen a kid in a bubble before?Copy !req
301. Of course I have. Come on.Copy !req
302. My cousin's in a bubble.Copy !req
303. My friend Jeffrey's sister also,
bubble, you know...Copy !req
304. I got a lot of bubble experience.
Come on.Copy !req
305. - What's your story?
- I have no story.Copy !req
306. She works for NBC.Copy !req
307. How about taking your top off?Copy !req
308. Donald, behave yourself.Copy !req
309. Come on.Copy !req
310. I know, I know.Copy !req
311. Why don't you play
a game of Trivial Pursuit?Copy !req
312. Ah, you know, we gotta be running-Copy !req
313. What, are you afraid?Copy !req
314. - No. You see, it's-
- I'm gonna kick your ass.Copy !req
315. I was nice enough
to give you the picture.Copy !req
316. I don't like what I wrote. I don't want
it up there. Please just give it back.Copy !req
317. You are really starting
to get under my skin.Copy !req
318. - I want that picture.
- Well, you can't have it.Copy !req
319. In fact, maybe you better
just pay your check, and get out.Copy !req
320. I'm not paying until I get that back.Copy !req
321. Well, you ain't getting it back.Copy !req
322. Well, maybe I'll just take it back.Copy !req
323. This chicken is really good.Copy !req
324. Okay, history.Copy !req
325. This is for the game.Copy !req
326. How you doing over there?Copy !req
327. Not too good.Copy !req
328. All right, bubble boy.Copy !req
329. Let's just play.Copy !req
330. "Who invaded Spain
in the eighth century?"Copy !req
331. That's a joke. The Moors.Copy !req
332. Oh, no.Copy !req
333. I'm so sorry. It's the "Moops."Copy !req
334. The correct answer is the Moops.Copy !req
335. Moops? Let me see that.Copy !req
336. That's not Moops, you jerk.Copy !req
337. It's Moors. It's a misprint.Copy !req
338. I'm sorry. The card says Moops.Copy !req
339. It doesn't matter. It's Moors.
There's no Moops.Copy !req
340. - It's Moops.
- Moors.Copy !req
341. - Moops.
- Moors!Copy !req
342. Hey!Copy !req
343. Anybody home?Copy !req
344. - Oh, boy.
- What should we do?Copy !req
345. Hold these pies.Copy !req
346. Okay.Copy !req
347. Help. Someone...Copy !req
348. - There's no Moops, you idiot!
- Stop it! Let go of him.Copy !req
349. Donald. Stop it.
Now, let go of him, Donald.Copy !req
350. - I'm gonna kill him.
- He's choking me.Copy !req
351. - Donald. Stop.
- Moors!Copy !req
352. Say Moors!Copy !req
353. Moops. Moops.Copy !req
354. Donald, stop it.Copy !req
355. What are you doing?
You're choking me. Elaine!Copy !req
356. - Are you gonna pay today?
- No, I want that picture back!Copy !req
357. Something's happened
to the bubble boy!Copy !req
358. - They're rushing him to hospital.
- What?Copy !req
359. The bubble boy?
He lives around here?Copy !req
360. That's his house, down the road.Copy !req
361. He got in a fight with some guy.Copy !req
362. Who kind of a person would hurt
the bubble boy?Copy !req
363. Some little bald guy from the city.Copy !req
364. Come on, Vern. Page, Preston, don't
you think we ought to do something?Copy !req
365. Naomi, come on, let's get going.Copy !req
366. But that lake must be freezing.Copy !req
367. No, it's good for you.Copy !req
368. Retards the aging process.Copy !req
369. Ready to go swimming?Copy !req
370. Let's go.Copy !req
371. Okay.Copy !req
372. Jerry, what happened to you?Copy !req
373. What happened to you?
You were going 100 miles an hour.Copy !req
374. I was not.
Bubble boy tried to kill me.Copy !req
375. - What?
- Susan, tell them.Copy !req
376. It's a long story.Copy !req
377. - Hey, Seinfeld.
- Hey, happy birthday.Copy !req
378. Thanks for showing up.Copy !req
379. - You know, your friend tried to kill me.
- He's a lying snot.Copy !req
380. He's a cheater, aren't you,
little twerp?Copy !req
381. - Moors!
- Moops!Copy !req
382. - Moors!
- Moops!Copy !req
383. There's the guy who tried to kill
the bubble boy. Get him!Copy !req
384. Fire engines.Copy !req
385. Must be a big one.Copy !req
386. Do you smell something?Copy !req
387. - Yeah.
- Smoke.Copy !req
388. Yeah. Definite smoke.Copy !req
389. Look, it's a fire!Copy !req
390. Holy cow, look at that!Copy !req
391. - It's my father's cabin!
- The cabin is on fire.Copy !req
392. I just realized, you never gave
me back the change from the tolls.Copy !req
393. How could this have happened?Copy !req
394. Oh, my God. The cabin.Copy !req
395. What are you two doing here?Copy !req
396. Look at that.Copy !req
397. Hey, you didn't:Copy !req
398. My Cubans.Copy !req
399. Something very scary
and exciting about fire.Copy !req
400. People always run to see a fire.Copy !req
401. They're very proud
if they have a fireplace.Copy !req
402. I think that's what smoking
is really all about.Copy !req
403. That's the power of smoking.
It's just this thing:Copy !req
404. "I got fire right here in my hand.Copy !req
405. Smoke and fire is literally
coming right out of my mouth."Copy !req
406. And it's very intimidating
to the nonsmoker.Copy !req
407. It's like talking to someone going:Copy !req
408. "My head could open up.
Lava could explode out.Copy !req
409. Pour right down my face.
Doesn't bother me a bit."Copy !req
410. And a cigar is even worse.Copy !req
411. I mean, a cigar is like:Copy !req
412. You think this end is bad.
Look at this wet, disgusting nub, huh?Copy !req
413. How scary is that?Copy !req