1. When you ask for the doggy bag
in a restaurant...Copy !req
2. there's a sense of failure.Copy !req
3. People always whisper it
to the waiter, "Excuse me...Copy !req
4. I'm sorry, you're gonna have
to give me the doggy bag.Copy !req
5. I couldn't make it."Copy !req
6. It is embarrassing because
a doggy bag means either...Copy !req
7. you were at a restaurant
when you're not hungry...Copy !req
8. or you've chosen the stupidest
way to get dog food that there is.Copy !req
9. How about the doggy bag
on a date?Copy !req
10. That's a good move for a guy.Copy !req
11. Let me tell you, if you're a guy and you
ask for the doggy bag on a date...Copy !req
12. you might as well have them
just wrap up your genitals too.Copy !req
13. You're not gonna be needing
those for a while either.Copy !req
14. - Is that bothering you?
- No. Not at all.Copy !req
15. It's the BMW.Copy !req
16. Oh, could you please hurry?Copy !req
17. "Please hurry."Copy !req
18. Look at you.
Look what you've become.Copy !req
19. What? What have I become?
I haven't become anything.Copy !req
20. Oh, Carl can't wait a few...Copy !req
21. - ... more minutes?
- I don't want to keep him waiting.Copy !req
22. - He'll like you more.
- That's impossible.Copy !req
23. Stan, why do you have to
pick your teeth at the table?Copy !req
24. - Leave me alone.
- It's disgusting.Copy !req
25. Yeah, I'm gonna get married
real soon.Copy !req
26. - So where am I dropping you?
- His place.Copy !req
27. Guy's got quite a racket.
I take you to dinner...Copy !req
28. then drop you at his apartment.Copy !req
29. And he gets the rest of my chicken.Copy !req
30. So is tonight the night?Copy !req
31. You never know.Copy !req
32. Baby doll.Copy !req
33. Thank you, brother.Copy !req
34. What, do you smell something?Copy !req
35. Do I smell something?
What am I, hard of smelling?Copy !req
36. - Of course I smell something.
- What is it?Copy !req
37. I think its BO.Copy !req
38. What?Copy !req
39. It's BO.
The valet must've had BO.Copy !req
40. It can't be. Nobody has BO like this.Copy !req
41. Jerry, its BO.Copy !req
42. But the whole car smells.Copy !req
43. - So?
- So when somebody has BO...Copy !req
44. the O usually stays with the B.Copy !req
45. Once the B leaves,
the O goes with it.Copy !req
46. Oh, my God.Copy !req
47. - I can't believe you ski.
- I'm a great skier.Copy !req
48. Yeah, what else?Copy !req
49. Let's see. I ski, I fish...Copy !req
50. I pillage, I plunder.Copy !req
51. - You pillage and plunder?
- When I travel.Copy !req
52. See, finally, finally I get
to meet a man...Copy !req
53. who pillages and plunders.
I'm so lucky.Copy !req
54. - It should only take a second.
- Yeah, I'm gonna poke around.Copy !req
55. Hey, what do you know?
Look at that.Copy !req
56. A lesbian sighting.Copy !req
57. My lucky day.Copy !req
58. They're so fascinating. Why is that?Copy !req
59. Because they don't want us.Copy !req
60. You gotta respect that.Copy !req
61. Oh, my God.Copy !req
62. It's Susan! But what do I do?Copy !req
63. George?Copy !req
64. - Susan. Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
65. Oh, boy.Copy !req
66. What are you doing here?Copy !req
67. - Renting a video.
- Right.Copy !req
68. What do you got there?Copy !req
69. Oh, some- some stupid movie.Copy !req
70. This is Mona.Copy !req
71. Hi.Copy !req
72. - Pleasure to meet you.
- Yes. Well...Copy !req
73. Well, I'll let you two catch up.Copy !req
74. - You okay?
- Yeah. Yes.Copy !req
75. I just haven't seen you
in a long time.Copy !req
76. And you didn't expect me to be
holding hands with a woman.Copy !req
77. Oh, please. Me?Copy !req
78. Come on, that's great.Copy !req
79. Are you kidding?
I think that's fantastic.Copy !req
80. I've always encouraged
experimentation.Copy !req
81. I'm the first guy in the pool.
Who do you think you're talking to?Copy !req
82. - I know who I'm talking to.
- Of course you do.Copy !req
83. It's just, you know,
I never knew that...Copy !req
84. - I like women?
- There you go.Copy !req
85. So how long has this
been going on?Copy !req
86. Since you and I broke up.Copy !req
87. So after me, you...Copy !req
88. went that way?Copy !req
89. Yeah.Copy !req
90. I think that's fantastic. Good for you.Copy !req
91. Nice. That's very nice.Copy !req
92. - So, what do you got there?
- I don't-Copy !req
93. - Rochele, Rochele.
- Yeah.Copy !req
94. It's a foreign movie.
A film is what it is, actually.Copy !req
95. - A lot of nudity in that, huh?
- No, no, just a tiny bit.Copy !req
96. It's not even frontal nudity.Copy !req
97. It's "sidal'nudity.Copy !req
98. Next.Copy !req
99. - That's me.
- Good seeing you, George.Copy !req
100. Yes, good to see you too.Copy !req
101. And good luck with...Copy !req
102. With the whole thing there.Copy !req
103. What are you returning?Copy !req
104. Rochele, Rochele.Copy !req
105. Oh, Rochele, Rochele.
A young girl's strange...Copy !req
106. - ... erotic journey from Milan to Minsk?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
107. That'll be $3.49.Copy !req
108. Three forty-nine? It says $1.49.Copy !req
109. You didn't rewind it. There's
a $2 charge for not rewinding.Copy !req
110. But there's no signs here.Copy !req
111. - This is an outrage.
- Don't give him any money for that.Copy !req
112. It'll cost you less to keep it
another day, rewind it...Copy !req
113. and bring it back tomorrow.
Don't give him the satisfaction.Copy !req
114. I'm not giving you the satisfaction.Copy !req
115. I'm gonna watch it again.Copy !req
116. How could that hurt?Copy !req
117. So this morning I go down
to the garage to check the car out.Copy !req
118. I figure by this time,
the odour molecules have had...Copy !req
119. - ... at least 12 hours to "de-smellify."
- Right.Copy !req
120. I open the car door...Copy !req
121. like a punch in the face...Copy !req
122. the stench hits me.Copy !req
123. It's almost as if it had gained strength
throughout the night.Copy !req
124. You know, I can think of at least
six known offensive odours...Copy !req
125. that I would rather smell
than what's living in your car.Copy !req
126. - What about skunk?
- I don't mind skunk.Copy !req
127. - Horse manure?
- I love horse manure.Copy !req
128. I've never seen anything like this
in my life.Copy !req
129. In fact, I went to the car wash...Copy !req
130. they want $250 to detail it
and get the smell out.Copy !req
131. I'm not paying for that.
That's not my responsibility.Copy !req
132. I'm driving to that restaurant,
and demand they pay for it.Copy !req
133. Absolutely.Copy !req
134. Listen, let me ask you something.Copy !req
135. When you're with a guy and he
tells you he has to get up early...Copy !req
136. - ... what does that mean?
- It means he's lying.Copy !req
137. - Why, is that what he told you?
- Yeah. Last night.Copy !req
138. Oh, come on. Men have to
get up early sometime.Copy !req
139. No. Never.Copy !req
140. Jerry, I'm sure I've seen men on
the street early in the morning.Copy !req
141. Well, sometimes we do
have to get up early...Copy !req
142. but a man will always
trade sleep for sex.Copy !req
143. Is it possible I'm not as attractive
as I think I am?Copy !req
144. Anything's possible.Copy !req
145. Yeah.Copy !req
146. - What's the matter with you?
- Steinbrenner!Copy !req
147. - He's ruining my life.
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
148. - Steinbrenner.
- I can't take another season with him.Copy !req
149. He just traded away
their best prospects...Copy !req
150. just like he did with Buhner,
McGee, Drabeck, McGriff.Copy !req
151. I know the list.Copy !req
152. What's that smell?Copy !req
153. What-? What smell?Copy !req
154. You stink.Copy !req
155. - What do you mean, I stink?
- You stink.Copy !req
156. - Why don't you take a shower.
- I showered.Copy !req
157. Oh, wait a second.Copy !req
158. Since I showered, I've been in the car.Copy !req
159. - So?
- Don't you see what's happening?Copy !req
160. It's attached itself to me. It's alive.Copy !req
161. If it's attached itself to you...Copy !req
162. Oh, my God.Copy !req
163. That's why Carl said he had to
get up early, because I stink.Copy !req
164. Jerry, he thinks I have BO. Me.Copy !req
165. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
166. - It's George.
- I'm coming down.Copy !req
167. - All right, what happened?
- What happened?Copy !req
168. My car stinks is what happened.Copy !req
169. And it's destroying the lives
of everyone in its path.Copy !req
170. - This is BO?
- Yes.Copy !req
171. - This is unbelievable BO.
- I know.Copy !req
172. At the car wash, the guy told me
in 38 years in the business...Copy !req
173. he's never smelled anything like it.Copy !req
174. So let me ask you, do you think
I could've done this?Copy !req
175. No, no. It's the valet guy.Copy !req
176. No, no. I mean, driven Susan
to lesbianism.Copy !req
177. Oh, no. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
178. What if her experience with me
drove her to it.Copy !req
179. Suicide, maybe. Not lesbianism.Copy !req
180. The woman she was
"lesbianing'with...Copy !req
181. Susan told me she's never
been with a guy.Copy !req
182. Oh, this isn't even BO.
This is beyond BO. It's BBO.Copy !req
183. There should be a BO squad
that patrols the city...Copy !req
184. to sniff them out, strip them down
and wash them with a soapy brush.Copy !req
185. The funny thing is, somehow
I find her more appealing now.Copy !req
186. Like, if I knew she was
a lesbian when we went out...Copy !req
187. I never would've
broken up with her.Copy !req
188. Let me see if I understand this.Copy !req
189. On second thought...Copy !req
190. Oh, my God, there he is.
That's the guy.Copy !req
191. No, thank you. Go back.Copy !req
192. No, go back.Copy !req
193. No, back, back.Copy !req
194. Go back. I got it. I'll park it.Copy !req
195. I'll park it. Go back. You go back.Copy !req
196. Sorry. Thank you.
Thank you, no.Copy !req
197. What do you mean "stunk up"?Copy !req
198. I mean the car stinks.Copy !req
199. George, does the car stink?Copy !req
200. - Stinks.
- Stinks.Copy !req
201. Well, perhaps you're the one
who has the odour.Copy !req
202. I've never smelled in my life, buddy.Copy !req
203. - Really? Well, I can smell you now.
- That's from the car.Copy !req
204. Maybe you stunk up the car,
rather than the car stinking up you.Copy !req
205. Oh, it's the chicken and the egg.Copy !req
206. Thank you very much.Copy !req
207. Well then, go out and smell the car.
See which smells worse.Copy !req
208. I don't have time to smell cars.Copy !req
209. Forget about smelling the car.Copy !req
210. Smell the valet. Go to the source.Copy !req
211. - You gotta smell the car.
- I'm a busy man.Copy !req
212. Come on. One whiff.Copy !req
213. All right. One whiff.Copy !req
214. All right. I give up. I admit it, it stinks.Copy !req
215. Now could you let me out?Copy !req
216. - Yeah, you'll pay for the cleaning?
- Yes, $50. I'll give you $50.Copy !req
217. - Fifty dollars, that's not gonna cover it.
- Whatever you want.Copy !req
218. - I'll give you whatever you want!
- I want half, 125.Copy !req
219. Yes! Yes, 125 is good.
Now could you please open the door!Copy !req
220. - All right.
- Let me out of here!Copy !req
221. - Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
222. The video. Someone stole
the video right out of the car.Copy !req
223. - Someone stole Rochele, Rochele?
- Well, you left the window open.Copy !req
224. We had to air out the car.Copy !req
225. - You should pay for it.
- I'm not paying for that.Copy !req
226. They already got my $7.Copy !req
227. Erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.Copy !req
228. - The valet had such bad BO?
- Oh, man, just rampant, mutant BO.Copy !req
229. The O went from the valet's B
to the car to me.Copy !req
230. It clings to everything.
Jerry thinks it's an entity.Copy !req
231. But I showered,
and I shampooed. So...Copy !req
232. - That's a relief.
- Yeah.Copy !req
233. - What?
- It's still there.Copy !req
234. No, no, it can't be.
I shampooed. I rinsed.Copy !req
235. - I repeated.
- It's still there. I smelled it.Copy !req
236. I don't smell anything.
Take another smell.Copy !req
237. - No. No.
- No, here, just-Copy !req
238. Please!Copy !req
239. Which movie was that again?Copy !req
240. Rochele, Rochele.Copy !req
241. George.Copy !req
242. Hey. Thanks for meeting me here.Copy !req
243. - Yeah, I don't have much time.
- Yeah, listen, I gotta ask you...Copy !req
244. I was a little concerned that...Copy !req
245. perhaps I was responsible
in some way for your...Copy !req
246. metamorphosis.Copy !req
247. That'll be $98.Copy !req
248. What $98?Copy !req
249. That's what I said, $98.Copy !req
250. How could that piece
of crap cost $98?Copy !req
251. - George, I really have-
- Do you believe this?Copy !req
252. Ninety-eight dollars!Copy !req
253. Do you have any cash?Copy !req
254. I guess.Copy !req
255. I need, like, 35. Thanks.Copy !req
256. So was it me?Copy !req
257. Oh, don't be ridiculous. Is that what
you wanted to talk to me about?Copy !req
258. - Here.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
259. - Thanks a lot. I'll pay you back.
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
260. - I gotta go.
- Listen.Copy !req
261. Let me ask you something:Copy !req
262. If you and Mona were ever
to dance...Copy !req
263. how do you decide who leads?Copy !req
264. I mean, do you take turns?Copy !req
265. Do you discuss it beforehand?
How does that work?Copy !req
266. You're an idiot.Copy !req
267. Why? That's a legitimate
sociological question.Copy !req
268. - I'll see you.
- But-Copy !req
269. Oh, and George, by the way...Copy !req
270. you stink. You need a bath.Copy !req
271. It's not me! It's the car!Copy !req
272. I didn't think I'd come.Copy !req
273. I knew you would.Copy !req
274. - Oh, Mona.
- Oh, Kramer.Copy !req
275. You can give it the executive
treatment. That includes...Copy !req
276. complete deionization
of the entire vehicle.Copy !req
277. Where we spray everything
with Ozium-D, let it deionise...Copy !req
278. vacuum the spray out
with a deionising machine.Copy !req
279. Hit it with high-pressure
compressed air...Copy !req
280. and wet-dry vac it to extract
the remaining liquids.Copy !req
281. And we top it off with
one of our seven air fresheners.Copy !req
282. In your case, I would recommend
the jasmine or the potpourri.Copy !req
283. Let's do it.Copy !req
284. The first thing that we're gonna do...Copy !req
285. is flush the follicles
with the five essential oils.Copy !req
286. Then we put you under a vapour
machine, and then a heated cap.Copy !req
287. Then we shampoo and shampoo...Copy !req
288. and condition and condition.Copy !req
289. Then we saturate the hair...Copy !req
290. in diluted vinegar.Copy !req
291. Two parts vinegar, 10 parts water.
Now, if that doesn't work...Copy !req
292. we have one last resort.Copy !req
293. Tomato sauce.Copy !req
294. Tomato sauce?Copy !req
295. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
296. Wait a minute.Copy !req
297. It still smells.Copy !req
298. It still smells!Copy !req
299. It still smells.Copy !req
300. It still smells.Copy !req
301. - How could it still smell after all that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
302. - What are you gonna do?
- I'll tell you what, I'm selling that car.Copy !req
303. - You're selling the car?
- You don't understand...Copy !req
304. what I'm up against.
This is a force more powerful...Copy !req
305. than anything you can imagine.Copy !req
306. Even Superman would be helpless
against this kind of stench.Copy !req
307. And I'll take anything I can get for it.Copy !req
308. Maybe I'll buy it.Copy !req
309. Are you crazy?Copy !req
310. Don't you understand
what I'm saying to you?Copy !req
311. This isn't just an odour. You need
a priest to get rid of this thing.Copy !req
312. - I still smell.
- You see?Copy !req
313. You see what I'm saying to you?
It's a presence. It's the beast.Copy !req
314. All right, let me smell you.Copy !req
315. Kramer. Kramer!Copy !req
316. - What's that? What's going on?
- Kramer open up, I know you're there!Copy !req
317. - Susan.
- Kramer!Copy !req
318. - What is going on?
- You know what's going on?Copy !req
319. First, he vomits on me.Copy !req
320. Then he burns down
my father's cabin.Copy !req
321. And now he's taken
Mona away from me.Copy !req
322. - He stole your girlfriend?
- Yes.Copy !req
323. She's in love with him.Copy !req
324. Amazing.Copy !req
325. I drive them to lesbianism,
he brings them back.Copy !req
326. Hello.Copy !req
327. - She stil there?
- No. She left.Copy !req
328. - What is going on? What did you do?
- I don't know, I didn't do anything.Copy !req
329. I was in the video store, and I was
practicing my golf swing, you know.Copy !req
330. You know, with a broom, and-Copy !req
331. Yeah. But she saw me take a swing,
and she told me...Copy !req
332. that the club is going back too fast.
Well, we started talking.Copy !req
333. She's a golf teacher. So I went
to a lesson, and, you know...Copy !req
334. something happened between us.
She's a golf teacher.Copy !req
335. I've struck gold! I've already taken
six strokes off my game.Copy !req
336. That's the least of what
you've accomplished.Copy !req
337. I'm gonna have dinner with her.
Can I borrow your jacket?Copy !req
338. - Oh, sure.
- Yeah.Copy !req
339. Wait a minute. Kramer, Kramer.
Hold on a second, I don't get this.Copy !req
340. This woman has never been
with a man her entire life.Copy !req
341. I'm Kramer.Copy !req
342. Look, I know what you're
going through.Copy !req
343. Women. Who knows what they want?Copy !req
344. I just don't know what
she sees in Kramer.Copy !req
345. Listen, you're beautiful. You're
intelligent. You'll meet other girls.Copy !req
346. - You think so?
- Yes, I know so.Copy !req
347. You happen to be
a very eligible lesbian.Copy !req
348. - You're very sweet.
- Hey, I know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
349. But I gotta be honest with you,
I gotta tell you...Copy !req
350. ever since I saw you holding hands
with that woman...Copy !req
351. I can't get you out of my mind.Copy !req
352. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
353. You're just so hip.Copy !req
354. - Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
355. It's Allison. I dated her right after you.
She was obsessed with me.Copy !req
356. George?Copy !req
357. Allison. Hi.Copy !req
358. - Oh, my God. How are you?
- Good.Copy !req
359. You know, you owe me $50.Copy !req
360. Fifty dollars, right. Right.Copy !req
361. I don't have it on me right now.
Allison, this is Susan. Susan, Allison.Copy !req
362. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
363. That's a beautiful vest.Copy !req
364. Thank you.Copy !req
365. I don't understand it. I was with her
last night at my apartment.Copy !req
366. It was very romantic.Copy !req
367. With that fake wood wallpaper, the
atmosphere is fabulous in there now.Copy !req
368. It's like a ski lodge.Copy !req
369. - What year did you say this was?
- Ninety.Copy !req
370. We're on the couch. I moved to hug
her, next she tells me she's leaving...Copy !req
371. she's got to get up early.Copy !req
372. - That's strange.
- How many miles you got on this?Copy !req
373. Twenty-three thousand.Copy !req
374. And I was looking good too.Copy !req
375. I had a nice new shirt on.
I'm wearing your jacket.Copy !req
376. Wait a second. My jacket.Copy !req
377. I wore that in the car. The beast.Copy !req
378. - This wicked funk.
- What?Copy !req
379. I can't sell this car.Copy !req
380. This thing.Copy !req
381. It's got to be stopped.Copy !req
382. - So, what do you want to do?
- Sauce me.Copy !req
383. Why do we need BO?Copy !req
384. What is the function of it?Copy !req
385. Everything in nature has a reason,
has a purpose, except BO.Copy !req
386. It doesn't make any sense.
Do something good...Copy !req
387. hard work, exercise,
you smell very bad.Copy !req
388. This is the way the human being
is designed. You move, you stink.Copy !req
389. Why can't our bodies help us?Copy !req
390. Why can't sweat smell good?
It'd be a different world, wouldn't it?Copy !req
391. Instead of putting your laundry
in the hamper, put it in a vase.Copy !req
392. Go down to the drug store, pick up
some odorant and perspirant.Copy !req
393. Probably have a dirty sock hanging
from the rearview mirror of your car.Copy !req
394. Then on a special night,
maybe a little underwear...Copy !req
395. coming out of your breast pocket.Copy !req
396. Just to show her that she's important.Copy !req