1. The problem with the beginning
of the relationship...Copy !req
2. is each person has their
own sexual timetable...Copy !req
3. of what should happen when, that
the other person knows nothing about.Copy !req
4. That's why I think we need
some sort of sexual rule book...Copy !req
5. where it's written down
and agreed upon...Copy !req
6. sexual standard dating procedure.Copy !req
7. Know what I mean? So if there's
any problems, you can go:Copy !req
8. "Look, honey, I'm sorry,
but we've been out three times...Copy !req
9. and according to Article 7,
Section 5...Copy !req
10. there's got to be some physical
contact, as you can see right there.Copy !req
11. Otherwise,
I will report you to the board...Copy !req
12. and they can issue a warrant
for an embrace."Copy !req
13. Wait a second. Wait a second.Copy !req
14. Then the butler says,
"I'm not cleaning it up.Copy !req
15. - I'm sick of cleaning!"
- That's funny. That's funny.Copy !req
16. "I'm sick of cleaning."
That's very funny.Copy !req
17. I've never seen a pilot script
this funny.Copy !req
18. - Yeah, it's funny.
- How funny is this?Copy !req
19. - It's funny.
- I mean, we're not stupid, right?Copy !req
20. - We know when something's funny.
- It cannot not be funny.Copy !req
21. Come on, let's stay with it.
We gotta finish this today.Copy !req
22. Maybe I should give it
to my therapist to read.Copy !req
23. - She's smart. I trust her.
- Maybe I'll give it to Elaine.Copy !req
24. We haven't brought the Elaine
character into the show yet.Copy !req
25. We should get her into this scene.Copy !req
26. Right. Right. Okay.Copy !req
27. "Elaine enters."Copy !req
28. Right.Copy !req
29. What does she say?Copy !req
30. - I don't know. What do women say?
- I don't know.Copy !req
31. I don't even know what they think.
That's why I'm in therapy.Copy !req
32. If we bring Elaine in, it'll be
so many people to keep track of.Copy !req
33. It's too hard. I forget where
everybody is standing.Copy !req
34. You, me, Kramer, the butler.
It's too much.Copy !req
35. - All right, forget Elaine.
- All right.Copy !req
36. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
37. You are never gonna believe
who I just ran into today.Copy !req
38. - Who?
- Your old flame: Gail Cunningham.Copy !req
39. Did you talk to her?Copy !req
40. Well, I was on my way to the Y,
and I saw her coming towards me.Copy !req
41. I didn't know what to do.Copy !req
42. I remember you had
three dates with her...Copy !req
43. and she wouldn't
kiss you good night.Copy !req
44. So now I'm thinking,
"What is my duty to my friend?Copy !req
45. Do I acknowledge her?
Do I ignore her?"Copy !req
46. - I mean, what is my responsibility?
- So, what happened?Copy !req
47. You know, she sees me
and she goes, "Hi, Kramer!"Copy !req
48. Like nothing happened.Copy !req
49. Like she never went three dates
with you and refused to kiss you.Copy !req
50. - Yeah, I know about the three dates.
- You know what I did? I snubbed her.Copy !req
51. - What do you mean you snubbed her?
- I walked by her, never said a word.Copy !req
52. - Right by her?
- Right by her.Copy !req
53. What do you say about a guy
like this, huh?Copy !req
54. You are some great friend. I'll tell you.
Snubbed her. Not that I condone it.Copy !req
55. I've never condoned snubbing
in my administration.Copy !req
56. But your loyalty is beyond question.Copy !req
57. Well, you know, she's lucky I was
in a good mood.Copy !req
58. Could have been a lot worse.Copy !req
59. - I'm not even in here.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
60. I thought there was gonna be
a character named "Elaine Benes."Copy !req
61. There were too many people
in the room.Copy !req
62. We couldn't keep track
of everybody:Copy !req
63. George and the butler-Copy !req
64. You "couldn't keep track
of everybody"?Copy !req
65. Well, we tried. We couldn't.
We didn't know how to...Copy !req
66. We couldn't write for a woman.
We didn't know what you would say.Copy !req
67. Even right now,
I know you're gonna say something.Copy !req
68. I have no idea what it is.Copy !req
69. You have no idea?Copy !req
70. Something derogatory?Copy !req
71. - I thought I'd find you here.
- Well, Gail Cunningham.Copy !req
72. - Hi, Gail.
- Hi, Elaine.Copy !req
73. - What is with your friend, Kramer?
- Why?Copy !req
74. He snubbed me.Copy !req
75. - Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
76. - What did you tell him?
- Nothing. Hey, give me that.Copy !req
77. - I thought you finished.
- I took two bites. How am I finished?Copy !req
78. Plus, you're coming down with
something. You want me to get sick?Copy !req
79. Bite?Copy !req
80. I wanna know.
Why did Kramer do that?Copy !req
81. I don't know. Once he leaves the
building, he's out of my jurisdiction.Copy !req
82. - Tell him that I am mad at him.
- All right. So where you cooking now?Copy !req
83. - Pfieffer's.
- Oh, the power-lunch crowd.Copy !req
84. Nice shoes.Copy !req
85. - Thank you.
- Where did you get them?Copy !req
86. They're Botticelli's.Copy !req
87. Botticelli's. Look at you.
I'm afraid to go in there.Copy !req
88. Really?Copy !req
89. - Would you care to join us?
- No, no. I gotta get to the restaurant.Copy !req
90. - See you.
- See you.Copy !req
91. "Look at you with your Botticelli's."Copy !req
92. - That bothered you?
- Yes, it bothered me.Copy !req
93. So I bought a pair of shoes
at Botticelli's.Copy !req
94. I'm not allowed to shop there?Copy !req
95. That really embarrassed me.Copy !req
96. - It did?
- Yes. Couldn't you see that?Copy !req
97. No.Copy !req
98. This is why you're not in the pilot.Copy !req
99. Well, George, I think you're beginning
to get some perspective on things.Copy !req
100. I think we're making progress.Copy !req
101. - Yeah, I feel like I've grown.
- Good. Let's pick up on this next week.Copy !req
102. Great.Copy !req
103. By the way, did you get a chance
to read the script?Copy !req
104. Yes. Yes, I did.Copy !req
105. Well, what did you think?Copy !req
106. It was...Copy !req
107. good.Copy !req
108. You didn't like it?Copy !req
109. Well, no-Copy !req
110. I can't believe this. What was wrong
with it? What didn't you like?Copy !req
111. It wasn't funny.Copy !req
112. It wasn't funny?
What, are you kidding?Copy !req
113. No. I didn't find it funny.Copy !req
114. You didn't find it funny?
This is what I'm paying for?Copy !req
115. Well, that whole story line about a guy
who gets into a car accident...Copy !req
116. doesn't have insurance, so the judge
sentences him to be a butler?Copy !req
117. I didn't really buy that.Copy !req
118. Let me tell you who did buy it.
We pitched this story...Copy !req
119. to Russell Dalrymple, the president
of NBC, and he ate it up with a spoon.Copy !req
120. If you're going to be
in a creative field...Copy !req
121. you're gonna have to learn how
to deal with criticism.Copy !req
122. How's this for criticism?Copy !req
123. You stink.
How do you like that criticism?Copy !req
124. You know what's funny to me?
That diploma up on the wall.Copy !req
125. That is my idea of comedy.Copy !req
126. You sitting here,
telling people what to do.Copy !req
127. - I think you'd better go.
- I'm going baby. I'm going!Copy !req
128. It's Jerry's fault.Copy !req
129. He took out all my good lines.
He's such a control freak.Copy !req
130. So you send me to this therapist to
help me with my emotional disorders...Copy !req
131. and she criticizes our script.Copy !req
132. What kind of a therapist is that?Copy !req
133. Well, I guess she didn't
think it was funny.Copy !req
134. Oh, she didn't think it was funny.
What is she, Rowan and Martin?Copy !req
135. We're supposed to meet
with NBC tomorrow.Copy !req
136. She completely shattered
my confidence.Copy !req
137. And I'm paying for this.
She's my employee.Copy !req
138. - I thought your mother's paying for it.
- And she slaves to earn every penny...Copy !req
139. so that someday I might be able
to walk up to a woman and say:Copy !req
140. "Yes, I'm bald,
but I'm still a good person."Copy !req
141. He's right. It's not her place
to criticize the script.Copy !req
142. Which reminds me. What did you
think of it? You never told meCopy !req
143. - What did I think of it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
144. Hey, buddy,
I got something to tell you.Copy !req
145. Now, one second. You won't get off
that easy. Tell me what you thought.Copy !req
146. - Well, you know-
- I just kissed Gail Cunningham.Copy !req
147. - You what?
- Yeah, I kissed her.Copy !req
148. - You kissed her?
- Right on the mouth.Copy !req
149. What kind of great friend are you?Copy !req
150. How do you go
from snubbing to kissing?Copy !req
151. I saw her outside the Y. She came up
to me, she started yelling...Copy !req
152. because I snubbed her.
Then we started talking a little bit...Copy !req
153. and I walked her to her building.
And just before I left...Copy !req
154. I put my arm around her waist.
I pulled her to me...Copy !req
155. and I planted one.Copy !req
156. - What did she do?
- She kissed me back.Copy !req
157. I don't get this. I go out with this girl
three times, she won't shake my hand.Copy !req
158. Why is she kissing you?Copy !req
159. Because I snubbed her.
You see? Women, they like that.Copy !req
160. Yes, I understand women.Copy !req
161. The snub is good.
They love the snub.Copy !req
162. No they don't. I tried that once.Copy !req
163. I snubbed for a year. Nothing.Copy !req
164. Every woman I saw, I snubbed.
You never saw people so pleased.Copy !req
165. So I understand you're buying
new shoes now at Botticelli's.Copy !req
166. What? Who told you that?Copy !req
167. Gail Cunningham.Copy !req
168. I don't understand. Why is this woman
talking about my shoes?Copy !req
169. Why are my shoes a topic
of conversation?Copy !req
170. We were just talking,
and she mentioned...Copy !req
171. how you're buying your
shoes now at Botticelli's.Copy !req
172. How I'm buying my shoes now
at Botticelli's.Copy !req
173. Did you hear this?Copy !req
174. So what?Copy !req
175. So what? She is talking about my
shoes. She is discussing my shoes.Copy !req
176. It is nobody's business where
I buy my shoes.Copy !req
177. - Hey, Gail?
- Yeah.Copy !req
178. Elaine.Copy !req
179. - Why are you talking about my shoes?
- What?Copy !req
180. My Botticelli shoes. You've been
talking about my Botticelli shoes.Copy !req
181. What are you talking about?Copy !req
182. Did you or did you not tell Kramer
that I got my shoes at Botticelli's?Copy !req
183. Too spicy. He wants another one.Copy !req
184. - You got that pasta primavera?
- Elaine, I am very busy here.Copy !req
185. Who else have you mentioned
my shoes to?Copy !req
186. I want to know why my footwear
is your conversation?Copy !req
187. I am not discussing this.
This is insane.Copy !req
188. You got that pasta primavera?
Let's go!Copy !req
189. Here you are, Mr. Dalrymple.Copy !req
190. Sorry for the delay.
Enjoy your lunch.Copy !req
191. - Well, come in. Come in.
- Hi.Copy !req
192. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
193. Sorry to make you come up here...Copy !req
194. but I wasn't feeling well
enough to go back to the office.Copy !req
195. Well, it's the only chance I have
to meet with you this week.Copy !req
196. - Are you all right?
- It's my stomach.Copy !req
197. There must have been something in
the pasta primavera I had for lunch.Copy !req
198. - Where did you eat?
- Pfeiffer's.Copy !req
199. - I know the chef there.
- Food is usually terrific.Copy !req
200. My cousin worked for Bouchard's.Copy !req
201. They used to use the bouillabaisse
for a toilet.Copy !req
202. What are you saying?Copy !req
203. Well, you didn't hear it from me,
but needless to say...Copy !req
204. if you go in there,
stick with the consommé.Copy !req
205. We better get started.
My daughter's gonna be here soon.Copy !req
206. Oh, you have a daughter.Copy !req
207. - She just turned 15 last week.
- That's a fun age.Copy !req
208. Yeah.Copy !req
209. All right.Copy !req
210. The script. Now, I've read
this thing three times.Copy !req
211. Yeah?Copy !req
212. And every time I read it...Copy !req
213. What?Copy !req
214. - Excuse me for a second.
- What?Copy !req
215. Would you like a Pepto-Bismol?
I keep them in my wallet.Copy !req
216. You think he liked it?Copy !req
217. I'm not sure.Copy !req
218. - What was that dish he said-
- Pasta primavera.Copy !req
219. You know,
"primavera'is Italian for "spring."Copy !req
220. - No?
- Yeah.Copy !req
221. Really, I'm terribly sorry. It's just...Copy !req
222. all of a sudden, it just hit me.Copy !req
223. So you were saying,
about the script.Copy !req
224. Right. The script.Copy !req
225. Your script needs...Copy !req
226. It needs...Copy !req
227. - More jokes?
- Another ending?Copy !req
228. A different name for the butler?Copy !req
229. Maybe we should go.Copy !req
230. We haven't heard his notes yet.Copy !req
231. We don't know how he feels
about our work.Copy !req
232. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
233. I can't listen to anymore of this.
The guy's losing a lung in there.Copy !req
234. Hello.Copy !req
235. - Hi.
- I'm Molly.Copy !req
236. - I'm Jerry.
- George.Copy !req
237. We're discussing our script
with your father.Copy !req
238. He just read it.Copy !req
239. - Daddy, are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.Copy !req
240. - So you live with your mother?
- Yeah.Copy !req
241. Divorce is very difficult,
especially on the kidCopy !req
242. Of course, I'm the result of my parents
having stayed together.Copy !req
243. So you never know.Copy !req
244. Crapshoot.Copy !req
245. Dad, you all right?
What's the matter?Copy !req
246. - It's just a stomach thing.
- Yuck.Copy !req
247. We're gonna have to do this
some other time.Copy !req
248. So if you give me your number,
I'll call you later.Copy !req
249. Suddenly I'm in the mood
for pasta primavera myself.Copy !req
250. Get a good look, Costanza?Copy !req
251. - What were you doing?
- It's not my fault. You poked me.Copy !req
252. You're supposed to just
take a peek after a poke.Copy !req
253. You were like you just put a quarter
in one of those metal things...Copy !req
254. on top
of the Empire State BuildingCopy !req
255. It was cleavage.
I couldn't look away.Copy !req
256. What, am I waiting to win an Oscar
here? This is all I have in my life.Copy !req
257. Looking at cleavage is like looking
at the sun. You don't stare at it.Copy !req
258. It's too risky.Copy !req
259. - You get a sense of it, then look away.
- All right.Copy !req
260. He caught me in a cleavage peek.
So big deal.Copy !req
261. Who wouldn't look at cleavage?
She's got nice cleavage.Copy !req
262. - That's why I poked.
- Why I peeked.Copy !req
263. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
264. - What is with your friend Elaine?
- What?Copy !req
265. She comes to my restaurant,
comes right in my kitchen...Copy !req
266. starts complaining
that I'm talking about her shoes.Copy !req
267. - She did?
- Right in the kitchen. Disgraceful.Copy !req
268. I don't like people coming
into my kitchen.Copy !req
269. I think she sneezed all
over someone's pasta primavera.Copy !req
270. Someone might have gotten sick
because of her.Copy !req
271. - Pasta primavera?
- Is that what she said?Copy !req
272. Hey, she's something, huh? She's
a wild one. She's wearing me out.Copy !req
273. - She is?
- She's real sensual.Copy !req
274. You know, with the cooking and all.Copy !req
275. Hello?Copy !req
276. Hi, Stu.Copy !req
277. - From NBC?
- Yeah.Copy !req
278. What's going on?Copy !req
279. What? Really?Copy !req
280. Oh, my God.Copy !req
281. Did he give you a reason?Copy !req
282. Oh, boy.Copy !req
283. Okay. All right. Thanks.Copy !req
284. Dalrymple just cancelled the pilot.Copy !req
285. If you hadn't gone there,
this wouldn't have happened.Copy !req
286. I don't like people talking about
my shoes behind my back, okay?Copy !req
287. My shoes are my business.Copy !req
288. You two shouldn't have been looking
at some 15-year-old's cleavage.Copy !req
289. - He poked me!
- There was cleavage in the area.Copy !req
290. That's a reflex.
Cleavage, poke. Cleavage, poke.Copy !req
291. But she was 15.Copy !req
292. You don't consider age
in the face of cleavage.Copy !req
293. This occurs on a molecular level.
You can't control it.Copy !req
294. We're like some kind of weird fish...Copy !req
295. where the eyes operate
independently of the head.Copy !req
296. What's the difference?
What are we gonna do now?Copy !req
297. He won't take our calls.
We can't get into his office.Copy !req
298. You know what we could do?
He eats at Pfeiffer's.Copy !req
299. We can have Gail call us when he's
there, go there and talk to him.Copy !req
300. - You're on to something.
- The whole thing is so stupid.Copy !req
301. Like he wouldn't do the same thing
if Elaine walked by in a low-cut dress.Copy !req
302. - Well, maybe not Elaine, but...
- No.Copy !req
303. - Somebody like Gail, though.
- Yeah.Copy !req
304. What? What do you mean Gail?Copy !req
305. What?Copy !req
306. Hey, Kramer, listen, I want you
to ask Gail to do me a favour.Copy !req
307. The next time Russell Dalrymple
comes in the restaurant...Copy !req
308. - ... ask her if she would call me.
- All right, I'll call her right now.Copy !req
309. What do you mean Gail?Copy !req
310. You don't think I can attract attention,
put asses in the seats?Copy !req
311. Look, sweetheart,
you know you've got it all.Copy !req
312. But let's face it...Copy !req
313. - She said she'll do it.
- All right.Copy !req
314. - Great. Beautiful.
- Beautiful.Copy !req
315. But she wants the shoes.Copy !req
316. - What?
- She says she wants those shoes.Copy !req
317. She wants my shoes?Copy !req
318. What kind of person is this?Copy !req
319. - She is not getting them.
- Come on, I'll buy you another pair.Copy !req
320. No, these were the last pair
of these that they had.Copy !req
321. - I'll get you another just like it.
- But these were the only cool ones.Copy !req
322. Don't you see how everybody likes
them and everybody talks about them?Copy !req
323. Elaine...Copy !req
324. this pilot, it doesn't matter to me.
It's not me I'm concerned about...Copy !req
325. it's my mother. She's already been
in the hospital this year.Copy !req
326. - Yeah, because she caught you-
- Never mind!Copy !req
327. Oh, come on. Wait a second.
This whole thing is ridiculous.Copy !req
328. How do I even know she wears
the same size?Copy !req
329. - All right, what size are you?
- Seven and a half.Copy !req
330. Bingo.Copy !req
331. Sauce this.Copy !req
332. Yeah, he's here.Copy !req
333. Oh, and one more thing,
bring the shoes.Copy !req
334. Hey, will you look!Copy !req
335. Fancy meeting you here.Copy !req
336. Hello.Copy !req
337. Pasta primavera. Back on the horse.Copy !req
338. It's funny, after the pilot got cancelled,
we hadn't heard from you.Copy !req
339. - We didn't hear anything.
- We were wondering what happened.Copy !req
340. Well, it just didn't seem to be
the right project for us right now.Copy !req
341. So, what were you saying?Copy !req
342. The show. Because if it had anything
at all to do...Copy !req
343. with what you perceived as me...Copy !req
344. leering at your daughter,
I really have to take issue with that.Copy !req
345. - I did not leer. Did I leer?
- No leer.Copy !req
346. Excuse me.Copy !req
347. - Are you using that ketchup?
- No.Copy !req
348. Because if I'm looking...Copy !req
349. straight ahead and something
enters my field of vision...Copy !req
350. that's merely a happenstance.Copy !req
351. Look, under the circumstances...Copy !req
352. I don't really feel that we should be
in business together.Copy !req
353. Here's your ketchup back.Copy !req
354. You know, I had the hardest time
trying to get some out. I just kept...Copy !req
355. pounding and pounding
on the bottom of it.Copy !req
356. - Do you ever have any trouble?
- No.Copy !req
357. Do you have a ketchup secret?Copy !req
358. No...Copy !req
359. Don't have a ketchup secret.Copy !req
360. Because if you do have
a ketchup secret...Copy !req
361. I would really, really like to know
what it is.Copy !req
362. Field of vision, huh?Copy !req
363. How's everything?Copy !req
364. - Really good.
- This pasta primavera is fabulous.Copy !req
365. - Very tasty.
- How did it go with that NBC guy?Copy !req
366. Great. Pilot is back on.Copy !req
367. In fact, Elaine's going out
with him tomorrow night.Copy !req
368. Hey, listen, Elaine...Copy !req
369. if Russell mentions anything
about the pilot...Copy !req
370. you'll, of course,
tell him how much you liked it.Copy !req
371. You know I happen to have the script
right here with me...Copy !req
372. and on page three, for example...Copy !req
373. suppose the Elaine character
comes in wearing...Copy !req
374. a low-cut dress...Copy !req
375. and the butler is very distracted
and can't work.Copy !req
376. That kind of comedy,
that's a little broad for us.Copy !req
377. I'm sure it's right up Russell's alley.Copy !req
378. - Well, it's a funny idea.
- It's funny.Copy !req
379. - Come on, funny is funny.
- Funny's funny.Copy !req
380. We're here to entertain, right?Copy !req
381. All right.Copy !req
382. Well, maybe I'll mention it
to Russell tomorrow night.Copy !req
383. - If you can.
- Yeah.Copy !req
384. - Where is he taking you, by the way?
- Bouchard's, on 53rd.Copy !req
385. I think what he's trying to say is,
"Get the bouillabaisse."Copy !req
386. Men are obsessed with cleavage,
women are obsessed with shoes.Copy !req
387. It's the same for both sexes.
It doesn't matter...Copy !req
388. how many times
we've seen these things.Copy !req
389. Every time these objects
are presented to us...Copy !req
390. we have to look.
We cannot not look.Copy !req
391. To men,
cleavage is like the nearest thing...Copy !req
392. to a nearby UFO landing.
That's what it is.Copy !req
393. Women, if women buy a pair
of shoes that they really love...Copy !req
394. this is like boarding the alien ship.Copy !req
395. It's possible that aliens
have landed...Copy !req
396. and they haven't been able
to get our attention...Copy !req
397. because we're so preoccupied
with cleavage and shoes.Copy !req
398. Subtitles by
SDl Media GroupCopy !req