1. Do you think that the people
at the airport...Copy !req
2. that run the stores
have any idea...Copy !req
3. what the prices are everyplace else
in the world...Copy !req
4. or do they just feel they have
their own little country out there...Copy !req
5. and they can charge
anything they want?Copy !req
6. "You hungry? Tuna sandwich is $9.Copy !req
7. You don't like it,
go back to your own country."Copy !req
8. I think the whole
airport-airline complex...Copy !req
9. is a huge scam just to sell
the tuna sandwiches.Copy !req
10. I think that profit is what's supporting
the whole air travel industry.Copy !req
11. I mean, think about it.
The terminals, the airplanes...Copy !req
12. it's all just a distraction...Copy !req
13. so that you don't notice the beating
that you're taking on the tuna.Copy !req
14. It's all departures.
I see nothing but departures.Copy !req
15. Do you know where the arrivals are?Copy !req
16. Excuse me, sir,
do you have the time?Copy !req
17. There's a clock over there.Copy !req
18. - Where?
- Over there.Copy !req
19. - But you have a watch on.
- It's right by the escalator.Copy !req
20. Why not just look at your watch?Copy !req
21. I told you, it's right over there.Copy !req
22. - Let me see the watch.
- Hey!Copy !req
23. What are you, some kind of nut?Copy !req
24. You know, we're living in a society!Copy !req
25. - George.
- Jerry, Jerry.Copy !req
26. The flight was delayed.
How long you been here?Copy !req
27. I just got here. My car broke down
on the Belt Parkway.Copy !req
28. I can't believe—
Get rid of that piece of junk.Copy !req
29. One mile from the exit,
it starts shaking, violently shaking...Copy !req
30. like it's having
a nervous breakdown.Copy !req
31. - Then it completely stopped dead.
- So you have no car.Copy !req
32. - No.
- So, what good are you?Copy !req
33. This chauffeur's gonna be
waiting a while.Copy !req
34. - O'Brien's not showing up.
- How do you know?Copy !req
35. He was in Chicago.
Flight was overbooked.Copy !req
36. They wouldn't let him on.Copy !req
37. He kept screaming how he had
to get to Madison Square Garden.Copy !req
38. - We should take his limo.
- Yeah, right.Copy !req
39. Wait a second. Think about it.Copy !req
40. He's not showing up.Copy !req
41. Wait till you see the line for cabs.
It's 45 minutes long.Copy !req
42. - You said he's in Chicago.
- He's definitely in Chicago.Copy !req
43. Well, that guy is just standing there.Copy !req
44. - How would we do it?
- Just go up and say, "We're O'Brien."Copy !req
45. - Maybe he knows O'Brien.
- He doesn't know him.Copy !req
46. If he knew O'Brien,
he wouldn't have a sign.Copy !req
47. - Let's just do it.
- What if we get caught?Copy !req
48. What's gonna happen?
They can't kill us.Copy !req
49. - Who's gonna be O'Brien?
- I'll be O'Brien.Copy !req
50. - Who am I?
- You're you.Copy !req
51. - Just me?
- Yeah.Copy !req
52. - Okay.
- You don't wanna be you?Copy !req
53. Well, if you're gonna be O'Brien,
why can't I be somebody?Copy !req
54. - Like who?
- Dylan Murphy.Copy !req
55. Okay.Copy !req
56. - Now you wanna be Dylan Murphy?
- Well, I like Dylan.Copy !req
57. You could be Colin.Copy !req
58. Okay. Colin O'Brien.Copy !req
59. - I'm Dylan Murphy.
- I'm Colin O'Brien.Copy !req
60. - Are we really doing this?
- Come on.Copy !req
61. - Hey, do you have the time?
- Clock over there.Copy !req
62. - O'Brien.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
63. Sorry we're late.Copy !req
64. - Let me take that for you.
- Oh, thank you.Copy !req
65. - I'll bring the car around front.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
66. - Dylan.
- Colin.Copy !req
67. Can you believe this?
This is incredible.Copy !req
68. This is one of the greatest things
I've ever done.Copy !req
69. - I'm gonna call my mother.
- What for?Copy !req
70. To tell her I'm in a limo.Copy !req
71. Hello, Ma? It's me.Copy !req
72. Guess where I am.
In the back of a limo.Copy !req
73. No, nobody died.Copy !req
74. It's a long story. I can't tell you now.Copy !req
75. Because I can't.Copy !req
76. I said, I can't.Copy !req
77. If I could, I would.Copy !req
78. Would you stop it? All right, look—Copy !req
79. I'm getting off.Copy !req
80. No, I'm not telling you.
How's this? I'm never telling you.Copy !req
81. I don't care. No! Fine!Copy !req
82. Never!Copy !req
83. She happy for you?Copy !req
84. - Can he hear us?
- No.Copy !req
85. Why?Copy !req
86. Thought I saw him look
in the mirror suspiciously.Copy !req
87. He can't hear us.Copy !req
88. Let's test him.Copy !req
89. Hey, driver.Copy !req
90. What do you say we stop off,
pick up your sister...Copy !req
91. have a little fun back here?Copy !req
92. No. He can't hear us.Copy !req
93. Where's he dropping us? Maybe we
can get him to drop us at my house.Copy !req
94. I'll ask him.Copy !req
95. My dear fellow,
where are you dropping us?Copy !req
96. At Madison Square Garden, of course.
I have the four passes.Copy !req
97. Of course, the four passes.Copy !req
98. Four passes to
Madison Square Garden?Copy !req
99. Wait a minute.Copy !req
100. Wait a minute. Of course.Copy !req
101. Chicago!Copy !req
102. The Knicks are playing
the Bulls tonight!Copy !req
103. - What?
- We are going to the Knick game!Copy !req
104. - Michael Jordan!
- The Knicks!Copy !req
105. We're going to the game!
Four free passes!Copy !req
106. - Did I tell you? Did I tell you?
- I can't believe it!Copy !req
107. - You may have hit with this one.
- You see?Copy !req
108. You see, I see things as they are
and I say, "No."Copy !req
109. Wait. You see things
as they are not and you say—Copy !req
110. Wait. You see thing—Copy !req
111. Do you see things as they are?Copy !req
112. What do you say
when you see things?Copy !req
113. Let me call Elaine and Kramer.Copy !req
114. If I see things as they are,
I would ask, "Why?" or "Why not?"Copy !req
115. Elaine? It's me.Copy !req
116. What are you doing tonight?Copy !req
117. Great. George and I have tickets—
Four free passes...Copy !req
118. to the Knicks-Bulls game
at Madison Square Garden.Copy !req
119. Can you go?Copy !req
120. Great. Call Kramer, tell him to meet
us on the corner at 7:00.Copy !req
121. All right. We're gonna
pick you up in a limo.Copy !req
122. That's right, baby doll.Copy !req
123. And listen, when we pick you up,
I'm Murphy and George is O'Brien.Copy !req
124. I can't tell you now. It's a long story.Copy !req
125. I am serious.Copy !req
126. Okay. Okay, bye.Copy !req
127. Excuse me, driver,
we have to make a little stop first.Copy !req
128. I know.Copy !req
129. - He knows?
- He knows?Copy !req
130. Where we going?
Why are we pulling off here?Copy !req
131. Maybe it's a shortcut.Copy !req
132. We're on the Grand Central.
There's no traffic.Copy !req
133. Excuse me,
why are we getting off this exit?Copy !req
134. To pick up the other members
of your party.Copy !req
135. Right. The other members
of our party.Copy !req
136. What other members
of our party?Copy !req
137. I didn't even know
we were in a party.Copy !req
138. I'm telling you, the jig is up.Copy !req
139. It was a bad jig.
We never should've started it.Copy !req
140. - It was a good jig.
- It was a bad jig. A terrible, terrible jig.Copy !req
141. What are we gonna do now?
They'll know you're not O'Brien.Copy !req
142. There could be more than one O'Brien
who ordered a limo.Copy !req
143. - First, you don't look like any O'Brien.
- You should've been O'Brien.Copy !req
144. I don't wanna be Murphy anymore.
Do I have to be?Copy !req
145. - Yes, you have to be Murphy.
- It makes no sense, me being Murphy.Copy !req
146. - You're Murphy.
- I'm Seinfeld.Copy !req
147. You're Murphy!Copy !req
148. Let's just jump out of the car.Copy !req
149. We're doing 60 miles an hour.Copy !req
150. So we jump and roll.
You won't get hurt.Copy !req
151. Who are you, Mannix?Copy !req
152. Why are we slowing down?Copy !req
153. Are those the people?Copy !req
154. All right, put your hands up over
your face. Pretend you're sleeping.Copy !req
155. - Mr. O'Brien.
- No, I'm Dylan Murphy.Copy !req
156. Mr. O'Brien had a long trip.
He's sleeping.Copy !req
157. I don't wanna disturb him.Copy !req
158. We're just really excited to meet him
face-to-face finally.Copy !req
159. We're faithful readers
of his newsletter.Copy !req
160. - Newsletter?
- And, of course, his great book...Copy !req
161. The Big Game.Copy !req
162. Oh, yes, he's very proud
of his work in The Big Game.Copy !req
163. - So you've never met him before?
- No.Copy !req
164. - Never seen a picture of him?
- Never.Copy !req
165. Not even on the book jacket?Copy !req
166. There was no picture
on the book jacket.Copy !req
167. Hey, O'Brien, wake up. Come on.
We got company.Copy !req
168. Wake up.Copy !req
169. Well, hello. I'm O'Brien.Copy !req
170. - Hey!
- Hey.Copy !req
171. You took a cab?Copy !req
172. Yeah. So?Copy !req
173. How much do you make?Copy !req
174. - I'm not telling you.
- Come on.Copy !req
175. - No.
- I'll tell you how much I make.Copy !req
176. I know how much you make.Copy !req
177. I don't even know why I'm doing this.
I don't even like basketball.Copy !req
178. - You ever seen Michael Jordan?
- Just in those commercials.Copy !req
179. Maybe you'll see him do
one of those 360 dunks.Copy !req
180. - What's that?
- It's like this.Copy !req
181. - Here, you guard me.
- What?Copy !req
182. I never get the tinted windows
on the limo.Copy !req
183. Nobody cares who's in the limo.Copy !req
184. You see a limo go by,
you know it's either a rich guy...Copy !req
185. or 50 prom kids with $1.75 each.Copy !req
186. Being in the back of a limo,
I'm sorry, it's just—Copy !req
187. It's not that cool.
Most of the time, you feel like...Copy !req
188. you're in some depressing single
guy's apartment from, like, 1975.Copy !req
189. All that maroon velour furniture...Copy !req
190. couple of bottles of wine,
three cassette tapes. There's stains.Copy !req
191. You're counting, there must've been
10,000 asses already on this seat.Copy !req
192. - I don't think we'll make the tip-off.
- Think someone's been tipped off?Copy !req
193. So...Copy !req
194. You've read The Big Game,
have you?Copy !req
195. Yes, I've read it.
And I've memorized it.Copy !req
196. Well, tell me your impressions.Copy !req
197. I would love to hear what a young
woman thinks of The Big Game.Copy !req
198. Well, this is sort of embarrassing.Copy !req
199. But it's changed my life.Copy !req
200. The way you analyse the game...Copy !req
201. the way you identify
the major players...Copy !req
202. Well, it left me breathless.Copy !req
203. You're a brilliant...Copy !req
204. brilliant man.Copy !req
205. Well, it's... It's just a game.Copy !req
206. Remember that, kids.Copy !req
207. "Just a game." He's so humble.Copy !req
208. Don't forget what you wrote
in the epilogue:Copy !req
209. "The fate of the world depends
on the outcome of this game."Copy !req
210. Well, I was exaggerating a bit.
Just for effect.Copy !req
211. - He tends to exaggerate.
- I mean, it's serious, but—Copy !req
212. We are really looking forward
to your speech tonight.Copy !req
213. My speech.Copy !req
214. Yes, your secretary
faxed me the copy.Copy !req
215. Would you like to
look it over?Copy !req
216. Well, you might as well
look it over.Copy !req
217. So, what's going on?
How did all this happen?Copy !req
218. Jerry and George called me
from this limo.Copy !req
219. They said we're all going
to the Knicks-Bulls game.Copy !req
220. Limo?Copy !req
221. I thought that George went
to pick him up.Copy !req
222. He did.Copy !req
223. Then why would they take a limo
from the airport?Copy !req
224. I don't know.Copy !req
225. That's pretty strange.Copy !req
226. Did he say anything else?Copy !req
227. Yeah. He said it's really important...Copy !req
228. that we call them
O'Brien and Murphy.Copy !req
229. O'Brien? Why would he
wanna be called O'Brien?Copy !req
230. "And the Jews steal our money...Copy !req
231. through their
Zionist-occupied government...Copy !req
232. and use the black man
to bring drugs...Copy !req
233. into our oppressed
white minority communities."Copy !req
234. You're not gonna open with that,
are you?Copy !req
235. What was that you said
about the myth of the Holocaust?Copy !req
236. Said so many things.Copy !req
237. They're shooting! They're shooting!Copy !req
238. All right, get down.Copy !req
239. I'm ready to die for you.Copy !req
240. Oh, that's really very nice of you,
Eva, thank you.Copy !req
241. But of course, you know, I would.Copy !req
242. I would do anything for you.Copy !req
243. Anything.Copy !req
244. Nothing to worry about,
it was a flat tire.Copy !req
245. But rest assured...Copy !req
246. we're prepared to handle anything
that might come up.Copy !req
247. Nice-looking Luger.Copy !req
248. I'm at The Paramount,
adjacent to Madison Square Garden...Copy !req
249. where a growing number of
angry demonstrators...Copy !req
250. gather to protest the first public
appearance of Donald O'Brien...Copy !req
251. leader of the Midwestern
regional chapter of the Aryan Union...Copy !req
252. and reputed to be their most
charismatic spokesman.Copy !req
253. Mr. O'Brien advocates the
violent overthrow of the government.Copy !req
254. He has openly professed
a deep admiration of Adolf Hitler.Copy !req
255. Even David Duke has denounced him
as a dangerous extremist.Copy !req
256. There is a full house inside
awaiting his arrival from the airport.Copy !req
257. Sources tell me he is en route
and should be arriving momentarily.Copy !req
258. Police have set up barricades,
but, quite frankly, Bill...Copy !req
259. I don't think they're any match for
the emotional fuse that has been lit.Copy !req
260. From The Paramount, I'm Jodi
Baskerville. Back to you in the studio.Copy !req
261. Something's very strange here.Copy !req
262. George goes to the airport
to pick up Jerry.Copy !req
263. They come back in a limo with
four tickets to the basketball game...Copy !req
264. and wanna be called
O'Brien and Murphy.Copy !req
265. O'Brien. O'Brien. Why O'Brien?Copy !req
266. Elaine?Copy !req
267. - Dan.
- Excuse me a minute. Hey.Copy !req
268. - Hi, Dan. How are you?
- Good.Copy !req
269. - Oh, this is Kramer.
- Oh, Kramer.Copy !req
270. What's going on?Copy !req
271. We're headed down to protest
this big neo-Nazi rally.Copy !req
272. The head of the Aryan Union
is speaking. He's in from Chicago.Copy !req
273. - You should come.
- Oh, we can't.Copy !req
274. We're going to the Knicks-Bulls game.Copy !req
275. Oh, well, that's where the rally is.
At The Paramount, right next door.Copy !req
276. - Oh, well, maybe we'll run into you.
- Yeah, it's really gonna be something.Copy !req
277. First time he's appeared in public.
No one knows what he looks like.Copy !req
278. - Who?
- The head of the Aryan Union.Copy !req
279. O'Brien.Copy !req
280. What's taking them
so long out there?Copy !req
281. Did you see the way
she was looking at me?Copy !req
282. - She's a Nazi, George. A Nazi.
- I know, I know.Copy !req
283. Kind of a cute Nazi, though.Copy !req
284. We gotta make a plan.Copy !req
285. - What are we gonna do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
286. - Let's just make a run for it.
- I can't run. I have a bad hamstring.Copy !req
287. - How'd that happen?
- I hurt it in a hotel room.Copy !req
288. Know how they tuck the covers in
real tight in those rooms?Copy !req
289. I can't sleep like that.
I tried to kick it out and pulled it.Copy !req
290. Why do they make that bed so tight?
You gotta sleep with your feet like that:Copy !req
291. It's for a mental patient. Wait a minute,
the phone. We'll call the police.Copy !req
292. She said she'd do anything.Copy !req
293. Yeah, hello. Police?
Yeah, listen...Copy !req
294. we're in the back of a limo
in Queens—Copy !req
295. AstroTurf?Copy !req
296. You know who's
responsible for that, don't you?Copy !req
297. The Jews!Copy !req
298. Oh, the Jews hate grass.
They always have, always will.Copy !req
299. We'll be ready in a minute.Copy !req
300. Would you excuse us a minute,
Tim Boy?Copy !req
301. We're in the middle
of something here.Copy !req
302. With all due respect, Mr. O'Brien,
we're just about to leave.Copy !req
303. Tim?Copy !req
304. Who's the head of the Aryan Union?Copy !req
305. - You or me?
- You are.Copy !req
306. And who is responsible
for making hatemongering...Copy !req
307. - ... and fascism popular again?
- You are.Copy !req
308. Okay?Copy !req
309. I think you forgot something.Copy !req
310. - I'm sorry.
- Good.Copy !req
311. Now get out.Copy !req
312. - All right, what are we gonna do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
313. How's this: we wait till we get
to your street corner...Copy !req
314. we see Elaine and Kramer,
then we get out.Copy !req
315. - They can't shoot us in the city.
- No.Copy !req
316. No one's ever been shot in the city.Copy !req
317. I'm telling you,
something is going on.Copy !req
318. I can feel it, sense it.Copy !req
319. - I'm sure he was just joking around.
- Oh, no, this is no joke.Copy !req
320. O'Brien's coming in from Chicago.
Jerry's in a limo, says he's O'Brien.Copy !req
321. That's not funny.Copy !req
322. Oh, my God.Copy !req
323. Yes. Yes!Copy !req
324. What? What is it?Copy !req
325. Don't you see?
There's always been something...Copy !req
326. very strange about Jerry.
Always so clean and organized.Copy !req
327. - So?
- Do I have to spell it out for you?Copy !req
328. The limo? The name?Copy !req
329. The rally at Madison Square Garden?Copy !req
330. Jerry and O'Brien
are the same person.Copy !req
331. Jerry is the leader
of the Aryan Union.Copy !req
332. Jerry's a Nazi?Copy !req
333. I can't even believe I didn't see it.Copy !req
334. Listen, you idiot, just calm down.Copy !req
335. I know Jerry. He's not a Nazi.Copy !req
336. - You don't think so?
- No. He's just neat.Copy !req
337. You know, it's funny.Copy !req
338. You don't look like an O'Brien.Copy !req
339. Me?Copy !req
340. Yeah, right. Get a load of this guy.Copy !req
341. - And you don't look like a Murphy.
- I may not look like one...Copy !req
342. - ... but I act like a Murphy.
- He's extremely Murphy. To a fault.Copy !req
343. Where are you from?Copy !req
344. Dublin. Originally.Copy !req
345. Parents came over here
when I was 18.Copy !req
346. Cereal famine.Copy !req
347. Couldn't get a bowl anywhere.
It was bad.Copy !req
348. 'Tis a beautiful country, though.Copy !req
349. Lush rolling hills. And the peat.Copy !req
350. The peat.Copy !req
351. Sounds more like Scottish.Copy !req
352. We were right on the border.Copy !req
353. Maybe he's with the company.Copy !req
354. - What?
- The CIA.Copy !req
355. Maybe they placed him in there to
infiltrate the organization from within.Copy !req
356. - What about his comedy act?
- That's the perfect cover.Copy !req
357. All that time on the road.Copy !req
358. Look, Jerry, he's too normal
to be a comedian.Copy !req
359. These comedians,
they're sick, neurotic people.Copy !req
360. - Well, what about George?
- What about him? He's part of it.Copy !req
361. His whole personality's a disguise.Copy !req
362. There's no real person
can act the way he does.Copy !req
363. Elaine, I'm telling you,
they're with the organization.Copy !req
364. They're all part of it.Copy !req
365. He's in there with Helms and Hunt
and Liddy, that whole crowd.Copy !req
366. George and Jerry, they probably know
who killed Kennedy.Copy !req
367. I bet they were even in on it.Copy !req
368. All right, what are we gonna do?
What—?Copy !req
369. I'm not gonna let them hurt you.
I'm not gonna—Copy !req
370. Kramer, you're hurting me.Copy !req
371. Those are our friends
I told you about.Copy !req
372. - Get off of me!
- We're gonna talk to them. Pull over.Copy !req
373. - Get off of me!
- It's all right.Copy !req
374. - Get off!
- Hey, O'Brien!Copy !req
375. - O'Brien!
- Is that him?Copy !req
376. - Yeah, that's him!
- Look, there's O'Brien!Copy !req
377. No-good Nazi bastard!Copy !req
378. - Let's get him!
- Get him!Copy !req
379. - What do we do?
- Get in the car!Copy !req
380. - Get in the car!
- What? What?Copy !req
381. Come on, hey!Copy !req
382. O'Brien. Long time, no see.
How's tricks, Murphy?Copy !req
383. Why did you call him O'Brien
and him Murphy?Copy !req
384. No, he was talking to me.
He's cross-eyed.Copy !req
385. It could be very confusing.Copy !req
386. Yeah?Copy !req
387. - Eva?
- It's for me.Copy !req
388. Hello?Copy !req
389. It's O'Brien.Copy !req
390. O'Brien?Copy !req
391. Well, that's weird.Copy !req
392. Who are you?Copy !req
393. - I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
- I'm George Costanza.Copy !req
394. This is a misunderstanding.Copy !req
395. His car broke down.
I told him to get—Copy !req
396. My car started shaking violently
about a mile out.Copy !req
397. - So he picks me up without a car.
- And there was a line—Copy !req
398. The limo has just pulled up.Copy !req
399. It's being surrounded by
a huge crowd of protesters.Copy !req
400. This has the makings of
a very ugly scene.Copy !req
401. I just didn't have
anything to do tonight.Copy !req
402. Then the phone rang
and it was Jerry.Copy !req
403. We just wanted a ride
into the city.Copy !req
404. He was supposed to pick me up,
but he didn't pick me up.Copy !req
405. And tonight we were gonna go
to the basketball game—Copy !req
406. They're banging on the car,
trying to flip it over.Copy !req
407. The police seem unable
or unwilling to control the crowd.Copy !req
408. I would imagine Mr. O'Brien must be
having some very grave doubts...Copy !req
409. if he made the right choice
for his first appearance.Copy !req
410. We did not want to
antagonize the Nazis.Copy !req
411. We have no intention
of upsetting the Nazis.Copy !req
412. - I don't have a problem with Nazis.
- Do whatever you want.Copy !req
413. - Don't bother us, we won't bother you.
- I don't wanna make a Nazi unhappy.Copy !req
414. - I swear. I swear.
- I swear.Copy !req
415. - I swear.
- I swear.Copy !req
416. - Get out!
- Open the door.Copy !req
417. Oh, look! Look, it's Dan.Copy !req
418. - Hi, Dan!
- Elaine?Copy !req
419. - Hi! Dan!
- Come on, let's go. Go.Copy !req
420. I am not O'Brien! I am not O'Brien!Copy !req
421. I repeat, I am not O'Brien!Copy !req
422. Ask anyone. Jerry! Jerry!Copy !req
423. So I was watching this movie
the other night, a World War II movie.Copy !req
424. And there was Nazis in the movie.Copy !req
425. And I noticed that the Nazis
in those movies...Copy !req
426. always had, like,
two separate Heils.Copy !req
427. They had the regular Heil
that they would do...Copy !req
428. and when they were around the
offices, they had this casual Heil.Copy !req
429. Remember that?
They'd come in the office:Copy !req
430. "Yeah, Heil, how are you? What's...?Copy !req
431. Is the kid back with coffee? Come on,
are you finished with the copier?Copy !req
432. Yeah, world domination, Aryan race.Copy !req
433. So whose doughnuts are those?
Yeah, Heil. Nice to see you.Copy !req
434. Can I have one
of those doughnuts?"Copy !req