Seinfeld 2x3

Directed by Tom Cherones

Lawrence Tierney as Alton Benes • Frantz Turner as Salesman • Suanne Spoke as Customer • Harry Hart-Browne as Manager • Norman Brenner as Man

Jerry buys a real expensive new suede jacket with a colorful inner lining. George has a song from Les Miserables that he just can't get out of his mind. Kramer is supposed pickup a magician friend's doves, and needs someone to help him for two minutes; Elaine takes on the job. Kramer promises she'll get "a lift" to the hotel where Jerry and George are meeting her and her father, Alton Benes, an author cut from Hemingway cloth. Jerry and George suffer while waiting with Elaine's father. When it begins to snow, Jerry turns his new jacket inside out, to protect it, but Alton Benes doesn't want to be seen on the street with him.

Request examples:

!req Seinfeld 2x3 [02:32]
!req Seinfeld 2x3 [Seinfeld 2x3]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Seinfeld 2x3 [10-11]; !req Seinfeld 2x3 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. I hate clothes, okay?

2. I hate buying them,

3. I hate picking them out of my closet.

4. I can't stand every day

5. trying to come up with little outfits for myself.

6. I think, eventually, fashion won't even exist.

7. It won't. I think, eventually,

8. we'll all be wearing the same thing.

9. Because any time I see a movie or a TV show

10. where there's people

11. from the future or another planet,

12. they're all wearing the same thing.

13. Somehow, they decided,

14. "This is going to be our outfit.

15. "One-piece silver jump suit,

16. "One-piece silver jump suit,

17. V-stripe and boots. That's it."

18. We should come up with an outfit for Earth.

19. An Earth outfit.

20. We should vote on it,

21. candidates propose different outfits,

22. no speeches.

23. They walk out, twirl, walk off.

24. We just sit in the audience and go,

25. That was nice. I could wear that."

26. I think I've seen enough.

27. Well, I might have something in the back.

28. The back? They never find anything in the back.

29. If they had anything good, they'd put it out in the front.

30. Why don't they open up an entire store for the back?

31. Call it "Just Back."

32. All back.

33. No front.

34. You walk in the front, you're immediately in the back.

35. Look, Elaine. Tie carwash.

36. Oh, I just read that. That's terrific.

37. Her father wrote that.

38. Alton Benes is your father?

39. Yeah, uh-huh.

40. I always felt he deserved a wider audience.

41. I'm not so sure he wants one.

42. Oh...

43. Hey, don't forget Sunday, okay?

44. You and George are coming, right? Hotel Westbury, 8:00.

45. Yeah, I guess I'm coming. I mean...

46. What? What, you don't want to go now?

47. No, I'll go. I'm going.

48. No, Jerry you have to. I need a buffer.

49. You know, I haven't seen my father in a while...

50. I'm worried I won't be able to talk to him.

51. I'm worried I won't be able to talk to him.

52. He's such a great writer.

53. Frankly, I prefer the company of nitwits.

54. So that's why we're not together anymore.

55. Pfft. Aah! Aah!

56. What is this?

57. This is beautiful.

58. These jackets never fit me right.

59. Try it on.

60. Mm. Wow.

61. This is soft suede.

62. This may be

63. the most perfect jacket I have ever put on.

64. How much is it?

65. Oh... my God.

66. Bad?

67. Very bad?

68. You have no idea.

69. I have some idea.

70. No idea. I've got a ballpark.

71. There is no park, and the team has relocated.

72. Let me see that.

73. That is high.

74. Oh, man, that is a beautiful jacket, though.

75. What's with the pink lining with the candy stripes?

76. I don't know, it's just a lining,

77. you can always have it changed.

78. Should I get it?

79. I hate these moments.

80. I'm hearing the dual voices now, you know.

81. "What about the money?" "What's money?"

82. It looks wonderful on you.

83. Hey.

84. Hey.

85. New jacket.

86. What do you think?

87. It's beautiful. Is it me?

88. That's definitely you.

89. Really?

90. That's more you than you've ever been.

91. Hey, what is with the pink lining?

92. I don't know. It's got a pink lining.

93. So, what did you pay for this?

94. I paid what it costs.

95. I paid what it costs.

96. How much? What's the difference?

97. What, you're not gonna tell me?

98. I'd rather not say it out loud. It's embarrassing.

99. Over 300?

100. Yes, but let's just stop it right there.

101. It's over 400?

102. I'm really not answering anymore.

103. Is it over 400? Would you...?

104. Whoa, Nelson.

105. I know. I know.

106. What are you going to do with the leather one?

107. I don't know.

108. Are you going to wear it?

109. I don't know, maybe.

110. You're not going to wear this.

111. Do you want it?

112. Uh, yeah, okay, I'll take it.

113. I like that jacket.

114. Okay. Take it.

115. Hey...

116. good karma for you.

117. Oh, baby.

118. What is that song?

119. It's from "Les Misérables."

120. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head.

121. I just keep singing it over and over.

122. It just comes out. I have no control over it.

123. I'm singing it on elevators, buses,

124. singing it in front of clients.

125. It's taking over my life.

126. You know, Schumann went mad from that.

127. Artie Schumann from Camp Hatchapee?

128. No, you idiot.

129. What are you, Bud Abbott?

130. What are you calling me an idiot for?

131. You don't know Robert Schumann, the composer?

132. Oh, Schumann. Of course.

133. He went crazy from one note.

134. Couldn't get it out of his head.

135. I think it was an A.

136. He kept repeating it over and over again.

137. He had to be institutionalized.

138. Really?

139. Well, what if it doesn't stop?

140. Oh, that I really needed to hear.

141. That helps a lot.

142. All right, just say something.

143. Just start talking.

144. Change the subject.

145. Change the subject.

146. Let's just go, all right?

147. I can't believe we're having dinner with Alton Benes.

148. I know exactly what's gonna happen tonight.

149. I'm gonna try and act like I'm not impressed.

150. He's gonna see through it.

151. Yeah, he'll be looking at us

152. like he's backstage at a puppet show.

153. Let me just get my jacket.

154. This is huge.

155. When did this happen?

156. Wednesday.

157. This jacket has completely changed my life.

158. When I leave the house in this,

159. it's with a whole different confidence.

160. Like, tonight I might have been a little nervous,

161. but inside this jacket,

162. I am composed, grounded,

163. secure that I can meet any social challenge.

164. Can I say one thing to you?

165. And I say this with an unblemished record

166. of staunch heterosexuality.

167. of staunch heterosexuality.

168. Absolutely.

169. It's fabulous.

170. I know.

171. And I'll tell you something else.

172. I'm not even gonna ask you.

173. I want to know, but I'm not gonna ask.

174. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable.

175. So, what was it, 400?

176. Four hundred?

177. Five hundred? Did you pay 500 for this?

178. Over 6?

179. Can't be 7.

180. Don't tell me you paid $700 for this jacket.

181. Don't tell me you paid $700 for this jacket.

182. Did you pay $700?

183. Is that what you're saying to me?

184. You are sick!

185. Is that what you paid for this jacket?

186. Over 700?

187. What did you pay for this jacket?

188. I won't say anything.

189. I want to know what you paid for this jacket.

190. Oh, my God!

191. A thousand dollars?

192. You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket.

193. All right, fine,

194. I'm walking out of here right now

195. thinking you paid

196. a thousand dollars for this jacket,

197. unless you tell me different.

198. Hah-hah! Oh!

199. All right, I'll tell you what,

200. if you don't say anything in the next five seconds,

201. I'll know it was over a thousand.

202. Hey. Hey, will you do me a solid?

203. Well, what kind of solid?

204. Sit in the car two minutes while it's double-parked.

205. I gotta pick up some birds.

206. Birds?

207. Yeah, a friend of mine, he's a magician,

208. he's going away and asked me to take care of his doves.

209. So take a cab.

210. They won't take a cage full of birds.

211. I can't, I'm on my way out. There's no way I can do it.

212. George, do me a solid. Two minutes.

213. George, do me a solid. Two minutes.

214. Well, I'm going with him.

215. I'd like to.

216. I've never done a solid before.

217. All right. I'll... Yeah.

218. All right, have a good one.

219. Two minutes.

220. Believe me, I know his two minutes.

221. By his conception of time,

222. his life will last over 2000 years.

223. Schumann.

224. Where are they?

225. Maybe he didn't show up.

226. What, you don't want to do this?

227. I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life

228. where I wanted the other guy to show up.

229. Wait a second. Is that him?

230. Yeah. I think it is.

231. Yeah. I think it is.

232. Where's Elaine?

233. I'm nervous.

234. Excuse me, Mr. Benes.

235. Yeah?

236. I'm Jerry, Elaine's friend.

237. This is George.

238. It's a great thrill to meet you, sir.

239. Sit down.

240. Want a drink?

241. Sure.

242. What will you have?

243. What will you have?

244. I'll have a cranberry juice with two limes.

245. And, uh, I'll have a club soda with no ice.

246. I'll have another scotch with plenty of ice.

247. You like ice.

248. Huh?

249. I said, do you like ice?

250. Like it?

251. Don't you find that you get more without it?

252. Where's Elaine?

253. Well, we thought she was meeting you earlier.

254. She's usually pretty punctual.

255. Don't you find that, George?

256. Yeah. Yeah, she's, uh... She's punctual.

257. And, uh...

258. She's been late sometimes.

259. Yeah, yeah.

260. Sometimes she's on time,

261. and... sometimes she's late.

262. I guess...

263. today, she's late.

264. It appears that way.

265. Yup. Yup.

266. Looks like rain.

267. I know, I know. That's what they said.

268. Who said?

269. Uh, the weather guy, Dr. Waldo.

270. I don't need anybody to tell me it's going to rain.

271. Oh, no. Of course not. I—

272. All I have to do is stick my head out the window.

273. Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?

274. Oh, he's the comedian.

275. I— I'm just a regular person.

276. I— I'm just a regular person.

277. Nah, nah. He's just being modest.

278. We had a funny guy with us in Korea.

279. A tail gunner.

280. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific.

281. There's nothing funny about that.

282. Would you excuse me a minute?

283. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

284. I'll be right back.

285. Ahem.

286. I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game.

287. I thought it was just brilliant.

288. Drivel.

289. Yeah, well, maybe some parts.

290. What parts?

291. The, uh...

292. drivel parts.

293. Oh, my gosh.

294. I just realized I have to make a phone call.

295. I can't believe... Would you—? I'll...

296. I'll be right back.

297. Thank you for leaving me alone with him.

298. That was brutal.

299. I can't go back out there.

300. I can't go back out there.

301. Well, let's just leave.

302. Elaine will kill me.

303. Where is she?

304. She's got to be here soon.

305. How could she leave us alone with this lunatic?

306. 10 more minutes, and that's it.

307. I'm leaving.

308. I have to tell you, this guy scares me.

309. The waiter was trembling.

310. If she doesn't show up,

311. we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.

312. How are we gonna get out of it?

313. We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.

314. Yeah. That's good.

315. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe.

316. I don't know.

317. I don't know.

318. Just... start scratching. Tell him you have the crabs.

319. He was in the military. He'll understand that.

320. All fathers are intimidating.

321. They're intimidating because they are fathers.

322. Once a man has children,

323. for the rest of his life,

324. his attitude is, "The hell with the world.

325. "I can make my own people.

326. "I'll eat whatever I want,

327. "I'll wear whatever I want,

328. and I'll create whoever I want."

329. and I'll create whoever I want."

330. Who'd you call?

331. My... uh, uncle is, um... having an operation.

332. I just wanted to see how he was.

333. What kind of an operation?

334. Bone marrow.

335. Mr. Benes?

336. Yeah?

337. Message for you.

338. Message for you.

339. From Elaine.

340. She got tied up.

341. She'll be here in 30 minutes.

342. Yeah, they should have

343. taken care of Castro when they had the chance,

344. Like we did in Guatemala in '53.

345. Well, Guatemala...

346. Sure. Guatemala.

347. All right.

348. You boys get yourselves together.

349. We'll head up to the restaurant.

350. I'll leave a note for Elaine.

351. I'm going to the bathroom.

352. Come on. Let's go. What about Elaine?

353. Come on. Let's go. What about Elaine?

354. Hell with Elaine. She'll be furious.

355. We're dying here!

356. That's her. She's here.

357. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Where is Dad?

358. He's in the bathroom.

359. Where have you been?

360. Kramer. That Kramer.

361. I'm just about to leave. He calls me up.

362. He begs me to sit in his car for two minutes

363. so he can pick up these... birds.

364. Oh, you didn't?

365. Well, he said he'd drive me here right after.

366. So I am sitting in his car for 20 minutes!

367. He doesn't come down. I am freezing.

368. Then a cop comes by. Tells me to get out of the car.

369. He's a city marshal.

370. He's towing the car away.

371. Kramer owes thousands of dollars in back tickets.

372. He was going to tow it with me in the car.

373. So they tow the car.

374. Now I am standing outside, and I am freezing,

375. but I cannot leave

376. because I gotta tell him what happened to the car.

377. So finally, he— Finally, he comes down

378. with this giant cage filled with doves.

379. with this giant cage filled with doves.

380. He said he was getting special instructions,

381. that each dove has a different diet.

382. So we're wandering around, trying to get a cab,

383. when two of these doves fly out.

384. Now we're running down the street after these doves.

385. I almost got hit by a bus.

386. Whew.

387. So how's everything going over here?

388. Great.

389. Couldn't be better.

390. Good.

391. Because Dad can make some people a little uncomfortable.

392. Oh, no.

393. Get out of here.

394. Get out of here.

395. Man, Kramer. I could kill him.

396. You know better than to get involved with Kramer.

397. He said he'd give me a lift.

398. Ah, the lift.

399. Like the lure of the siren's song.

400. Never what it seems to be,

401. yet who among us can resist?

402. Where do you come up with this stuff?

403. Well, look who's here.

404. Oh, hi, Dad.

405. Hello, dear.

406. Who's the lipstick for?

407. No one.

408. How's your mother?

409. Fine.

410. How about you? Are you working?

411. How about you? Are you working?

412. Yeah. I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing.

413. I told you 10 times.

414. Pendant? Those bastards.

415. Well, all right, boys.

416. We're going to

417. that Pakistani restaurant on 46th Street.

418. You're not afraid of a little spice, are you?

419. Pipe down, chorus boy.

420. Ooh, it's snowing.

421. It's beautiful.

422. Snow?

423. Snow, that can't be good for suede, can it?

424. I wouldn't think so.

425. What should I do?

426. We're taking a cab, aren't we?

427. Cab?

428. It's only five blocks.

429. Why don't you turn it inside out?

430. Inside out. Great.

431. Wait a minute.

432. What the hell do you call this?

433. I turned my jacket inside out.

434. Well, you look like a damn fool.

435. Well, it's a new suede jacket.

436. It might get ruined.

437. You're not walking down the street

438. with me and my daughter dressed like that.

439. That's for damn sure.

440. It's, uh...

441. It's only a few blocks.

442. Elaine?

443. Yeah.

444. Come on up.

445. Hey.

446. Hey.

447. I got to feed the birds. So?

448. You got any of those Mini Ritzes?

449. I can't believe that I do.

450. What, are you going out? Yeah.

451. Hey, where's your new jacket?

452. What?

453. Oh, what did you do to it?

454. I was out in the snow last night.

455. Don't you know what that does to suede?

456. I have an idea.

457. We can make the 9:30 at Cinema Three.

458. Okay.

459. Hello.

460. Hello.

461. Listen, thanks again for coming last night.

462. Dad said he had a great time.

463. Is he's still in town?

464. No, he's driving back to Maryland tonight.

465. So, uh, what are you going to do with that one now?

466. I don't know.

467. Well.

468. I didn't want to tell you this,

469. but usually he hates everyone.

470. Really?

471. You going to throw this out?

472. Well, I can't wear it.

473. Yeah, he liked you, though.

474. Said you reminded him of somebody he knew in Korea.

475. Well, if you're just gonna throw it out,

476. Well, if you're just gonna throw it out,

477. you know, I could take it.

478. Yeah. Go ahead. Take it.

479. Dad thinks George is gay.

480. Oh, because of all the singing?

481. No. He pretty much thinks everyone is gay.

482. Hey. See, I like it like this.

483. Isn't that...?

484. Oh! Oh!

485. Is this from the snow last night?

486. Is this from the snow last night?

487. You know what you should have done?

488. You should have turned it inside out.

489. I'll try and remember that.

490. Boy, it's too bad you gave me this one too.

491. Yeah. Too bad.

492. Yeah, well...

493. I'm going to have to do something about this lining.

494. I had a leather jacket that got ruined.

495. Now, why does moisture ruin leather?

496. I don't get this.

497. Aren't cows outside most of the time?

498. I don't understand this.

499. When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse,

500. "Let us in. We're all wearing leather!

501. "Open the door.

502. We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"

503. "Is it suede?"

504. "I am suede. The whole thing is suede.

505. "I am suede. The whole thing is suede.

506. I can't have this cleaned. It's all I've got."