1. - ATTENTION.
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN.
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2. SENSITIVITY SEMINAR.
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3. THAT IS ALL.
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4. - NO. THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN,
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5. TO SAY "O-OH!"
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6. - O-OH!
- HA HA! AND THAT IS ALL.
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7. - NO, I'M THE CAPTAIN,
AND YOU SHUT UP.
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8. - NO, I AM, AND TRY TO MAKE ME.
- GIVE ME THAT!
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9. - THIS IS CRAP.
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10. STUPID ARTICLE 4.
EVERYBODY'S GETTING
PROMOTED NOW.
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11. - I'VE GOT 5 Ph.D.s,
AND I'M MOPPING.
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12. DON'T HEAR ME COMPLAINING.
- BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
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13. - LOOK. AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
OR NOT,
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14. YOU'VE GOT TO RESPECT
THE CHAIN OF COMMAND.
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15. - WELL, OF COURSE
YOU'RE ON HER SIDE.
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16. - I'M NOT ON ANYBODY'S—
- YOU'RE DOING HER.
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17. YOUR ASS, DON'T IT?
- YES!
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18. - YES, I AM.
OW, GIVE ME THAT!
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19. - OY, MIS JUEVOS!
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20. - OH, YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED
TO BE CAPTAIN.
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21. - SECTION 3.
OF HISPANIC ORIGIN,
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22. TO EXCLUDE SPANIARDS, ARE, UH...
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23. - HEREBY.
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24. - HAIRABY.
- HEREBY.
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25. - ARABY?
- HEREBY!
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26. - WHAT?
- THIS IS CRAZY!
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27. - WELL, HE IS NON-WHITE.
- AND ALL MALE, BABY.
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28. - HE CAN'T EVEN READ ARTICLE 4.
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29. - I DON'T NEED TO READ
TO BE CAPTAIN.
- ROGER THAT.
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30. - BUT WE DON'T NEED 3 CAPTAINS.
- ROGER THAT.
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31. - WE DON'T NEED ONE.
- ROG—HEY.
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32. - SPARKS, SHUT UP.
- NO, DON'T SHUT UP, DUDE.
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33. - EVERYBODY SHUT UP.
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34. - NOW, WHERE'D YOU GET
THOSE COOL HATS?
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35. - COULD Y'ALL NOT ARGUE
ON THE P.A.?
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36. IT'S KILLING MORALE AROUND HERE.
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37. - THE FLY HONEYS LIKE IT.
- O-OH!
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38. - HAH! YOU BEING CAPTAIN
MAKING A CHICK CAPTAIN.
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39. - STORMY, NOT ANOTHER WORD
OUT OF YOU. PERIOD.
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40. - SPEAKING OF PERIOD...
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41. - IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. EW!
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42. - CAPTAIN MURPHY,
HOW CAN YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?
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43. - SON, I KNOW IT'S HARD TO WATCH
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44. - PEERS? I GOT 5 Ph.D.s
AND A GENIUS GRANT, OK?
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45. I DON'T HAVE ANY PEERS HERE.
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46. - WELL, AS A WOMAN, I DIDN'T
HAVE IT EASY LIKE YOU DID.
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47. - THUS, MY NEW
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48. WILL ALLOW ME TO MAP EUKARYOTES.
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49. - YOU SURE DO STUDY A LOT.
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50. - YES, MA'AM.
I'M GOING TO BE A SCIENTIST.
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51. - MM-HMM.
BUTTER SANDWICH?
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52. - NO, THANK YOU, MA'AM.
- ALL RIGHT.
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53. WELL, MY HEART EXPLODED.
MMF.
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54. - GRAMMY?
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55. - I DIDN'T REALLY
HAVE IT ALL THAT EASY.
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56. - OH, WHATEVER!
- AND I'M NOT STARTING NOW.
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57. GO AHEAD.
TAKE YOUR ARTICLE 4 PROMOTIONS.
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58. SELF-RESPECT.
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59. CAPTAINS.
- HA HA HA!
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60. BETTER TAKE THAT MOP.
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61. - QUINN, WAIT.
- WHAT?
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62. SALUTE, SAILOR?
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63. - DAMN! NO, SHE DIDN'T!
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64. - I BEG YOUR PARDON?
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65. - ALL THE "GIRL"
AND "GIRLFRIEND"
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66. AND "WHAT'S UP, GIRLFRIEND?"
AND "HOLLER AT ME, GIRLFRIEND"
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67. AND "HEY, GIRLFRIEND,
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68. THOSE ROLLERS YOU BORROWED?"
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69. THAT'S ALL OVER.
FROM NOW ON, YOU CALL ME
"MA'AM" OR "CAPTAIN."
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70. - OH, I GET IT.
PARDON ME, MA'AM.
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71. - OK. WELL, GET BACK TO WORK.
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72. - HMPH. SHOOT.
SNATCH YOU BALD-HEADED, MA'AM.
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73. - SO, YOU, UH, NEED ANYTHING?
- UM, NO.
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74. CAN'T—CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING.
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75. OH, MAYBE SOME
TUBERCULOSIS MEDICINE.
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76. - I'M SORRY, I—
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
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77. - ODDLY ENOUGH,
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78. DON'T QUALIFY UNDER ARTICLE 4.
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79. - Y-YES, BUT WHY NOT?
- WELL, FOR STARTERS, ANIME.
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80. - WELL, EVERYBODY ELSE
WAS DOING IT.
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81. OF ARTICLE 4
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82. - WHO'S MORE QUALIFIED?
WHITE DEBBIE?
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83. - WELL, NO, OBVIOUSLY. BUT—
- LOOK.
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84. GETS INVOLVED IN SOMETHING,
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85. IT EVER WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
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86. - EXACTLY. SO—
- LET'S LOOK AT THE POST OFFICE.
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87. PERFECT EXAMPLE.
- WHAT?
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88. A MODEL OF EFFICIENCY.
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89. NOW, WHY THEY GOTTA
MESS THAT UP?
- WHAT?
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90. - LOOK HERE, NOW.
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91. GET PROMOTED?
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92. A WHEELCHAIR?
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93. - UM, WHAT DO YOU CALL
A CHAIR WITH WHEELS?
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94. - YOU'RE JUST LAZY,
NOT DISABLED.
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95. - MY LEGS ARE LIMP AND DEAD.
WORTHLESS, DEAD LITTLE NOODLES.
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96. LITTLE—OOH! MMF—
- SO. YOU CAN'T FEEL THAT.
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97. - FEEL WHAT? HELP!
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98. - NO, NO, NO.
IT'S NOT JUST ANIME.
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99. IT'S ALSO THOSE THROWING STARS,
WITH THE BIG SHOES,
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100. THE CRAZY HAIR, SARS,
GIANT KILLER ROBOTS, SUSHI—
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101. - BUT SUSHI IS JAPANESE.
I'M CHINESE.
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102. - OH. YEAH.
I FRICKIN' HATE.
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103. - I'M TELLING YOU, DEB.
NO SENSATION WHATSOEVER.
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104. - SO YOU WON'T MIND ANOTHER ONE?
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105. - OH, NO. HEY.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
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106. 5 Ph.D.s MOP THE FLOOR?
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107. YEAH, HEY. GOOD PLAN. WHOO!
- PSST. HEY.
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108. QUINN.
- HELLO?
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109. - DOWN HERE.
- HELLO, SIR.
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110. - WHAT'S WITH ALL THE GEAR?
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111. - WELL, EVERYBODY ELSE
IS A CAPTAIN NOW,
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112. SO THEY'RE TOO BUSY
GIVING ORDERS TO DO ANY WORK.
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113. ON HOCKEY SKATES, HUH?
- YOU KIDDING ME?
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114. THE VAPORATORS ARE AT 50%,
WE'RE LEAKING RADIOACTIVE WASTE,
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115. AND POD 6 HAS GOT
SERIOUS PROBLEMS.
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116. - HA HA HA! POD 6.
UH—OH, HEY.
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117. YOU DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE
COOL HATS, DO YOU?
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118. - UH, NO.
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119. LOOK, THAT LEAK'S GETTING—
- DAMN. NOW, OK, LISTEN.
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120. IF YOU, UH, YOU KNOW,
FIND A HAT, HOOK ME UP, HUH?
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121. - UM, SURE.
- SAY IT, UH, YOU KNOW, FELL OFF
THE TRUCK OR SOMETHING.
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122. - OK.
- YOU GET ME?
- YES, SIR.
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123. - OK.
- OK.
- RIGHT.
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124. - WELL. SEE YOU AROUND.
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125. - NO, NO, NO.
I'LL BE HERE.
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126. - RIGHT.
THE "5 Ph.D." BUSINESS
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127. A REST, HUH?
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128. NOBODY LIKES HUBRIS.
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129. - EXCUSE ME?
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130. ICARUS, ANTIGONE, PANTHEUS?
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131. HUH.
- GOOD-BYE, SIR.
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132. - DON'T FORGET THE HAT.
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133. - WATERS, STORMY.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
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134. - ABOUT FRICKIN' TIME.
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135. - HANGING ON THAT BIG, MOBBY
TOUR GROUP OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT,
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136. IT'S LIKE,
"LATE FOR WORK. MOVE."
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137. HA HA. COULD YOU PEOPLE
SMOKE MORE?
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138. - THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
- YOU BET.
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139. - PSST! HEY, A LITTLE HELP?
HEH. I'M STUCK, YOU KNOW?
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140. - HI.
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141. - UH-UH.
JUST KEEP WALKING, PAL.
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142. - YEAH, CAPTAINS ONLY.
- STUPID NON-CAPTAIN JERK.
- STRANGER TO CAPTAINHOOD.
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143. - MAN WITHOUT A HAT!
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144. TO SPACELAB.
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145. - HEY, DUDE.
- AAH!
- PULL UP A CRATE.
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146. - HEY, QUINN.
HEY, BONY MACARONI.
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147. - WHAT'S UP, GORGEOUS?
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148. - OH, I SURE HATE TO SEE
Y'ALL SITTING AT THIS SHABBY
LITTLE TABLE, SUGAR.
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149. - I'M A SKELETON.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU JUST CAN'T
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150. AND GET AN ARTICLE 4.
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151. - YES, MA'AM.
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152. YOUR OWN WAY IN LIFE,
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153. CALLED SEALAB, WHATEVER THAT IS.
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154. - YES, MA'AM.
- I SMELL TOAST.
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155. - GRAMMY?
- YOU'RE BEING EVICTED.
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156. - WELL, I'VE GOT MY REASONS.
- OW! GOD!--
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157. - WHAT IN THE WORLD?
- OH, MY GOD. OH, GOD.
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158. UH-OH.
- SEALAB.
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159. IT IS I, SANTOS.
REGENT SUPREME OF THE 7 SEAS.
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160. - MY HAT WILL PROTECT ME.
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161. WITH RADIOACTIVE WASTE.
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162. FOR THIS, YOUR LEADER
SHALL BE PUNISHED.
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163. - THAT IS ONE BIG-ASS ROBOT.
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164. AND THE REST SHALL LIVE.
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165. DO IT NOT, AND ALL SHALL DIE
IN A STORM OF RAGE AND HELLFIRE.
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166. - WHO IS THE LEADER?
ANSWER ME.
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167. - WAIT. NONE OF Y'ALL
ARE GOING TO STEP UP?
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168. - WHO SPEAKS?
- OH, UH, I DO. ME.
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169. - AND YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN?
- NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO—MAN.
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170. OK. YES.
I AM THE CAPTAIN.
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171. FOR THE RECKONING.
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172. - OOH, CHILD.
YOUR ASS UP.
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173. - YEAH.
- ENTER SANTOS.
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174. - GOOD-BYE, NON-CAPTAIN.
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175. - WELL, I SURE HOPE Y'ALL ARE
HAPPY WITH YOURSELVES.
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176. - YEAH, I AM.
- OH, YEAH, I'M HAPPY.
- I AM.
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177. - PRETTY MUCH.
- YUP.
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178. - I'M A SKELETON.
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179. - SANTOS, AWAY!
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180. - CAPTAIN?
- DAIQUIRI?
- HI, QUINN.
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181. - ALAN?
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182. IN THEIR SPARE TIME.
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183. - THAT'S WHAT THOSE MEETINGS
WERE ABOUT.
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184. - YEAH, WE'RE LIKE, UH,
SEALAB SUCKS NOW, SO, YOU KNOW.
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185. - WE THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE
TO COME WITH US.
- OH, YEAH.
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186. WE'RE GOING TO OUTER SPACE
WITH THE FLY HONEYS.
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187. - O-OH!
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188. - OUTER SPACE?
WHAT—WHAT, FOREVER?
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189. - NO, NO, NO, NO.
JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.
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190. THEN WE'RE GOING TO BERMUDA.
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191. - YEAH, BUT BERMUDA
KINDA SUCKS.
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192. - YEAH. WE'RE GONNA BOMB IT.
- HEADS UP, KINGSTON.
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193. —www.ncicap.org—
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194. - DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
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195. BY A GIANT ROBOT,
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196. TO COMPENSATION.
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197. SUED THE ROBOT THAT SMASHED ME.
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198. HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY,
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199. HIS ENERGY CUBES,
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200. WHICH, IT TURNS OUT,
ARE GIVING ME AND MY DOG CANCER.
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201. - AND WE'LL SUE HIM
FOR THAT, TOO.
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