Sealab 2021 1x2

Directed by Adam Reed

Sealab is in danger, but nobody cares. The crew wonders what it would be like to be robots, while Quinn tries to deal with the impending disaster.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. GET SOME SLACK IN THIS LINE!

2. - DANGER. BREACH DETECTED. DANGER. BREACH DETECTED.

3. LITTLE DJANGO'S BRAIN

4. INTO A ROBOT MONKEY BODY.

5. WITHIN 10 YEARS.

6. ON A SAD NOTE, HOWEVER,

7. AFTER DRINKING HIS OWN URINE.

8. WAIT. THIS JUST IN.

9. UH, SEALAB HAS SUSTAINED MAJOR DAMAGE FROM HURRICANE MERYL.

10. A SURFACE SHIP, APPARENTLY.

11. MAJOR LEAKS; IMPLOSION IMMINENT; RESCUE IMPOSSIBLE.

12. MY GOD. - SAY, SKIP?

13. - THEY'RE TRAPPED DOWN THERE.

14. ALL THIS ROBOT STUFF?

15. - GOOD LORD. ARE WE UNDER ATTACK?

16. - NO. THAT ROBOT MONKEY ON THE NEWS.

17. - YOU'RE KIDDING. THAT GUY'S A ROBOT MONKEY?

18. - NO. BUT WOULD YOU EVER PUT YOUR BRAIN IN A ROBOT BODY?

19. - WHY? I LIKE MY BODY.

20. I LOVE MY BODY.

21. - WELL, YOU'D NEVER GET OLD OR SICK.

22. - WHY IS THE ALARM GOING OFF?

23. - BEATS ME.

24. BUT YOU KNOW, SKIP,

25. HANDSOME, STRONG...

26. - WELL, COULD MY ROBOT BODY BE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?

27. - UH, YEAH, SURE.

28. I'D PUT MY BRAIN IN A ROBOT'S BODY.

29. - ROBOT BODY? NO WAY.

30. THE NATURAL ORDER.

31. - WELL, YOU'D HAVE THE STRENGTH OF 5 MEN.

32. - I GOT THAT NOW.

33. - NOT 5 MEN. 5 GORILLAS.

34. BUT SINCE YOU'RE THAT STRONG,

35. IF YOU TRIED TO PET A KITTEN, YOU'D CRUSH IT.

36. - OH, NO! POOR KITTY.

37. - YEAH.

38. MY RUGGED LATIN FEATURES?

39. - YOU'D LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.

40. - NOT ME. I'M GONNA BE AN ADRIENNE BARBEAU-BOT.

41. - SIR, PLEASE.

42. YOU LOOK THE SAME, BUT YOU'RE ONLY 5 FEET TALL.

43. - 5 FEET? WHY SO SHORT?

44. - BECAUSE THAT'S AS BIG AS THEY COME.

45. - CAPTAIN, THERE'S A CRACK IN THE HULL.

46. POD 7 IS FLOODING!

47. HER LASER-BEAM EYES.

48. - YOU WON'T HAVE LASER-BEAM EYES, OK?

49. - WHAT ABOUT X-RAY VISION?

50. - YEAH, YOU'LL HAVE THAT.

51. - OH, I CAN'T HAVE LASER-BEAM EYES,

52. BUT HE GETS X-RAY VISION?

53. - OK, EVERYBODY GETS X-RAY VISION.

54. - YEAH, AND BIG CHAIN-SAW HANDS.

55. CAN I CONTROL MY X-RAY VISION?

56. PEOPLE'S CLOTHES?

57. - YEAH, BUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE A BUNCH OF BONES AND GUTS,

58. JUST THE...

59. - WHY ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE IT?

60. - OH, GRODY! I'M GONNA HAVE ROBOTS EYEBALLING MY...

61. - NO. YOU'LL HAVE A— DAMMIT, HANG ON.

62. NO. YOU'LL HAVE A CLOAKING DEVICE.

63. OR THAT CLOAK THING.

64. - WHO NEEDS X-RAY VISION?

65. THEY'LL BEG TO SHOW THEIR TO MY ROBOT.

66. OH, WAIT.

67. - HELLO! WE'RE FLOODING!

68. - POD 7 CRITICAL.

69. - OH, YEAH, THAT. SOMEBODY GO FIND DR. QUINN.

70. MARCO?

71. - HMM? OH. OH, YEAH. RIGHT. RIGHT.

72. - POD 7 CRITICAL.

73. - THE STRENGTH OF 5 GORILLAS AND X-RAY VISION.

74. BUT WHY SO SHORT?

75. - THAT'S AS BIG AS THEY COME!

76. - I HEARD YOU!

77. AS BULLETS, RIGHT?

78. - NAILS, CHAINS...

79. YOU WON'T HAVE TITANIUM TEETH FOR NOTHING.

80. TO ROBOTS,

81. AND WE'LL EAT TIRES INSTEAD OF LICORICE.

82. - GAAH! NO, WE WON'T.

83. - MAYBE YOU WON'T.

84. - DANGER. POD 7...

85. - DR. QUINN, THERE'S A MAJOR LEAK IN POD 7.

86. - DAMN!

87. ALL RIGHT, YOU SEAL IT OFF. I'LL GET MY LASER PACK AND—

88. - HANG ON A SEC.

89. IN A ROBOT BODY?

90. - WHAT?

91. - 'CAUSE WE WERE TALKING UPSTAIRS, YOU KNOW,

92. THE OLD PEANUT AROUND.

93. - MAN, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

94. - POD 7 CRITICAL.

95. - DON'T YOU HEAR THAT? POD 7's GONNA IMPLODE.

96. - YOU'D HAVE X-RAY VISION AND THE STRENGTH OF 5 GORILLAS!

97. - POD 7 CRITICAL.

98. - OK, OK.

99. SO, SAY I PUT MY BRAIN IN A ROBOT BODY,

100. AND THERE'S A WAR—

101. ROBOTS VS. HUMANS.

102. WHAT SIDE AM I ON?

103. - HUMANS. YOU HAVE A HUMAN BRAIN.

104. AGAINST YOU.

105. YOU CAN'T EVEN VOTE.

106. - WE'D BETTER NOT HAVE TO LIVE ON A RESERVATION.

107. MY CABOOSE.

108. - YEAH, BUT NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE A ROBOT.

109. YOU LOOK THE SAME.

110. - DOGS KNOW. THAT'S HOW THE HUMANS HUNT YOU.

111. - THEY'RE GONNA HUNT ME FOR SPORT?

112. - THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO CRUSH MANKIND.

113. BOARD FOR THE BIG WIN, STORMY.

114. THEIR BRAINS IN A ROBOT.

115. HEY, WHAT ABOUT THE LEAK?

116. "OH, QUINN WILL SAVE US. QUINN ALWAYS SAVES US."

117. STUPID...

118. DAMN!

119. - COMING UP AT 10:00, EXPLOSIONS RIP THROUGH SEALAB.

120. WE'LL HAVE ALL THE DETAILS,

121. PLUS CHOPPER DAVE.

122. - HELLO!

123. - HEY, I'VE GOT A FEW CONDITIONS ON THIS ROBOT THING.

124. - HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT FREAKING CHOPPER EXPLODE?

125. - I'D ONLY PUT MY BRAIN

126. A ROBOT CAT.

127. - UM, OK,

128. BUT REMEMBER, YOU'LL HAVE THE STRENGTH OF 5 GORILLAS.

129. THAT FREAKING CHOPPER.

130. - WHY SETTLE FOR A CAT, HESH? YOU COULD BE A ROBOT TIGER.

131. - NO, NO, NO, NO, ABSOLUTAMENTE NO.

132. IF I HAVE TO BE 5 FEET NOTHING, HESH CAN'T BE A TIGER.

133. - YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF TIGER-BOT HESH.

134. A ROBOT ZOO.

135. - DANGER.

136. - HEAR THAT, HESH? THE ZOO. HA!

137. - WELL, THEN, HESH WILL STAY HUMAN.

138. - DON'T EXPECT ANY MERCY DURING THE GREAT ROBOT WARS.

139. - YEAH? WELL, HAVE FUN ON THE ROBOT RESERVATION, SUCKERS!

140. WE'RE NOT GONNA HONOR THOSE BOGUS TREATIES.

141. - HE'S RIGHT. THEY WILL SCREW US.

142. - DANGER.

143. - LISTEN, IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

144. - YEAH, ENOUGH OF THIS TALK. LET'S KILL A HUMAN.

145. - YOU CAN'T BREAK PRIME DIRECTIVE 2.

146. ABOUT IT?

147. - LET'S ASK OLD GUS. HE'LL KNOW.

148. - DANGER.

149. - DAMN! WE JUST LOST POD 7.

150. BRIDGE, THIS IS QUINN. COME IN.

151. - COME IN. POD 7's GONE.

152. YOU'VE GOT TO GET EVERYONE OUT OF POD 6.

153. - OH, FOR THE LOVE OF— SORRY, GUS.

154. - AHEM. THE PENALTY FOR A ROBOT

155. WILL BE 1,000 YEARS FROZEN IN CARBONITE.

156. - 1,000 YEARS FROZEN IN CARBONITE?

157. IT'LL BE SO COLD!

158. JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

159. - MAN, I'D KILL MYSELF.

160. - HELLO, PRIME DIRECTIVE 3.

161. - DAMN PRIME DIRECTIVES.

162. I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO LIVE 1,000 YEARS,

163. WITH HARD NIPPLES.

164. - PLUS SELF-TERMINATION?

165. HEY, I GOT TO TELL YOU,

166. IT'S A SIN IN THE EYES OF THE ROBOT CHURCH.

167. - WE DON'T NEED ROME TELLING US WHAT TO DO.

168. - POD 6 CRITICAL.

169. - WAIT. IF WE'RE ROBOTS, WE'LL HAVE MECHANICS.

170. PERMANENTLY.

171. - NO, NO, NO. YOUR ROBOT BODY WOULD GO CRAZY AND KILL THEM.

172. 5 GORILLAS.

173. - AND THEN IT'S RIGHT BACK TO THE CARBONITE.

174. - AND THERE GO MY NIPPLES AGAIN.

175. - AND THERE GOES POD 6.

176. - GOD, IT'S SO DEPRESSING.

177. - WHAT? POD 6 WAS JERKS.

178. - NO, BEING TRAPPED IN CARBONITE.

179. - OH, YEAH, THAT.

180. A BRAIN TUMOR?

181. - YEAH, A BIG-ASS TUMOR.

182. - NO. YOUR ROBOT BODY'S A BRAIN SURGEON.

183. - AW, THAT'S BUNK. IT'S NOT GONNA BE A BRAIN SURGEON.

184. - IF IT CAN'T BREAK THE 5-FOOT BARRIER,

185. IT CAN'T BE A BRAIN SURGEON.

186. - YES, IT CAN. IF HESH CAN BE

187. - HESH IS GONNA STAY HUMAN. HE'LL DIE IN THE FIRST WAVE.

188. - UNLESS HE'S A TIGER-BOT ALREADY.

189. IT COULD HAPPEN.

190. - DANGER.

191. DANGER.

192. - ALMOST DIED, BUT I SAVED SEALAB.

193. TIME TO GET ME SOME PROPS.

194. HEY, YO, EVERYBODY!

195. SO, CHECK IT OUT.

196. I KNOW I'VE ONLY GOT ABOUT, WHAT, 30 SECONDS

197. BEFORE POD 5 GOES, RIGHT?

198. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

199. HEY, WILL MY ROBOT BODY HAVE HAIR?

200. LIKE YOU DO NOW.

201. - GROSS!

202. BUT WAIT. WAIT. WHAT'S WITH ROBOT SEX?

203. - YEAH, BABY, KNOCKIN' THOSE ROBOT BOOTS!

204. - GO, ROBOT; GO, ROBOT...

205. - HEY, I ALMOST DIED SAVING YOUR SORRY BUTTS.

206. - EXCEPT FOR PODS 6 AND 7.

207. - SHUT UP. Y'ALL MAKE ME SICK!

208. IS ROBOTS.

209. CAN THEY HAVE HAIR? CAN THEY HAVE SEX?

210. DRIVE YOU ALL INSANE.

211. - YOU DON'T HAVE TO BITE MY HEAD OFF. I'M JUST ASKING.

212. - YEAH. WHO DIED AND MADE YOU ROBOT EXPERT?

213. - OH, THAT'S IT. AHH!

214. - OH, MY GOD! - MADRE MIA!

215. - JESUS, HE'S A ROBOT!

216. - THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE. I AM A CYBORG.

217. MY WEAK BODY COULDN'T DEAL WITH THE VIRUSES OF THE 21st CENTURY,

218. SO USING MY I.Q. OF 260— THAT'S 2-6-0—

219. HOST BODY FOR MY BRAIN,

220. OF SCIENCE AND HUMANITY.

221. AND I'M STANDING HERE NAKED,

222. BUT I'M NOT ASKING FORGIVENESS, AND I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY.

223. I JUST WANT YOUR UNDERSTANDING, YOUR ACCEPTANCE.

224. I'M JUST ASKING FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP.

225. —www.ncicap.org—

226. - KEEP CHANGING THEM;

227. EACH ONE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

228. - OK. AND THERE GO MY NIPPLES AGAIN.

229. OH, AND THERE GO MY NIPPIES AGAIN.

230. - UH, ALMOST AS IF IT'S THE NUMBER ONE

231. IN THE COUNTRY.

232. MY NIPPLES AGAIN!

233. - ARCHIE SAYS,

234. "AND THERE GO MY NIPPLES AGAIN."

235. - AW,

236. AGAIN THERE, EDITH.

237. - OH, MAN. ALL RIGHT. WE GOT TO GO.

238. WE GOT TO GO. THANK YOU.

239. - I NEED A TOWEL.