1. My last few days
have all started the same.
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2. Saying this to Kim.
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3. You're amazing.
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4. Then whispering...
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5. I love you.
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6. to our baby
and hoping that Kim wasn't wondering
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7. why I hadn't said
the same thing to her.
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8. There are some images
that even doctors can't stomach.
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9. That is so gross, I might vomit.
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10. Oh, is it the patient
with the infected neck wound?
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11. Worse.
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12. Hey, guys.
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13. Like the image of your ex-fiancée.
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14. - How's it going, Keith?
- You ruined my life.
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15. Nice seeing you.
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16. Excuse me, nurse? Could you be a doll
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17. and give Bobby Frank in there
a shot of penicillin?
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18. Why can't he do it himself?
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19. Because, Carla, he's Dr No Shot.
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20. He's, like, the only paediatrician
kids like because he never gives shots.
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21. Hey, remember when you wanted to be
the doctor who never said "terminal"?
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22. I'm sorry, but your grandmother
has an inoperable brain tumour.
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23. - Is it terminal?
- I wouldn't say that.
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24. - So she still has a chance?
- No.
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25. It's okay. I mean,
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26. "Dr Won't Say Terminal"
is kind of a mouthful anyway.
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27. Didn't I tell you two to treat Mr Meltzer?
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28. Yes,
but he won't let us because...
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29. No, no, no.
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30. Remember our new system so that
I never have to hear your voice again?
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31. "He doesn't want
to be treated by interns,"
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32. with your "I" dotted with a heart
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33. and a little frowny face at the end.
It's incredible.
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34. Your handwriting's actually
more annoying than your voice.
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35. Regardless, you interns
are the future of this hospital,
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36. and if you don't treat patients,
you won't learn.
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37. What I want you to do is
walk over to Mr Meltzer
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38. and say these words,
"I'm your doctor. Deal with it."
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39. Can you say that?
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40. - I'm your doctor...
- I'm your doctor...
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41. Not you. Never you.
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42. - I am your doctor. Deal with it.
- Peachy.
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43. Why you looking so sad, Nilla Wafer?
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44. You were right about Kim.
I don't love her.
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45. That's tough. Wanna get
some exercise and clear your head?
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46. - Uh-huh.
- Okay.
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47. Thanks, buddy, I needed this.
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48. - So, you gonna break up with her?
- No way. We're having a baby, man.
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49. Statistics say that kids end up
way better off
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50. if their parents stay together,
even if it's not a great relationship.
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51. So I'm in for good.
Plus, Kim's amazing,
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52. so hopefully one day I'll wake up
and just be head over heels.
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53. Yeah, that happens a lot.
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54. - Hi, guys.
- Hi.
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55. - Hi.
- Is Izzy in her room?
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56. Turk hadn't checked,
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57. so he had a 50-50 shot
of answering correctly.
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58. Sleeping like an angel.
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59. Really?
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60. Because she's on my back.
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61. That's unfortunate.
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62. How can you come in
and not check in on your own child?
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63. You know what?
I am so sick of this stupid video game.
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64. That's it. I want it out of the house.
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65. Come on! I just got this thing
and I'm already on the fifth level.
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66. - Just let me finish!
- Carla, let him finish!
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67. - Oh, you can have it.
- Family comes first, Turk.
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68. Baby, studies have shown
that using joysticks
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69. - can improve a surgeon's dexterity.
- You can have this one.
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70. I'm gonna kill you!
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71. That's my baby pager.
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72. I'm having a baby!
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73. Oh, my God! I'm gonna be a bluncle!
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74. - A black uncle.
- A black uncle.
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75. Oh, right.
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76. You guys, I know
when I first brought this up
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77. you thought it was cheesy.
But now that it's actually happening,
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78. can we do a three person
celebratory jump hug?
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79. Please?
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80. For you.
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81. You're right, that was cheesy.
I should've listened.
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82. I can't do this all on my own
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83. No, I know
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84. I'm no Superman
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85. I'm no Superman
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86. Finally gonna get to meet Sam.
I wonder what he looks like.
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87. Oh, I just want a healthy baby.
I mean, what more can you ask for?
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88. Hmm.
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89. Any second now.
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90. What the...
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91. I come from a land down under
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92. So that's what that song's about.
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93. Where beer does flow
and men chunder
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94. Can't you hear
Can't you hear the thunder?
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95. I wondered where he was hiding.
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96. J.D., I know we've had
our ups and downs,
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97. but I'm really glad
we're going through this together.
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98. Me, too.
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99. And I really was.
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100. Okay, Kim, you're still
a few hours away.
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101. I understand you'll be wanting
an epidural?
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102. Yes, but I hate pain so much,
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103. I'm hoping there's a pill
you can give me
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104. so that getting the epidural itself
won't hurt.
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105. Why does she think I'm joking?
I hate her and her chipmunky face.
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106. Kim, your quiet voice
is a little louder than usual.
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107. The delivery nurses
usually get the anaesthesiologist
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108. to deliver your pain medication,
but we're a little understaffed, so...
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109. - J.D.
- I'll be in charge of the epidural,
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110. and as soon as you're ready,
I'll have them make you so numb,
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111. it'll feel like you're passing
a marshmallow.
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112. But that sounds sticky
and uncomfortable.
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113. Passing a unicorn?
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114. That's a big horse with a horn.
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115. - Passing a rainbow?
- That's better.
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116. Okay.
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117. - Jordan?
- Go away.
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118. Let's go see Mommy.
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119. Our daughter needs to go
to the hospital.
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120. Her rash is spreading,
and she could use a steroid shot.
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121. - Why can't you just do it here?
- Jennifer has uropathy.
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122. And over the next couple of years,
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123. plenty of doctors are gonna be poking
and prodding her,
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124. and I would like her
to see me as her father
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125. and not as just another white coat that
she will forever associate with pain.
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126. Totally legitimate argument.
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127. If three-month-olds didn't have
the memory of an earthworm.
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128. Could you please just support us
on this one?
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129. Fine. I'm right behind you.
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130. Wow, that's real talent.
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131. Baby, I promise you,
I will be home as soon as Kim delivers.
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132. Yeah, J.D. needs me,
and I really want to be there for him.
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133. Okay.
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134. All right, people, listen up!
I need to beat this video game
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135. before Kim delivers
J.D.'s bastard child.
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136. It takes two people to do it,
so I can't do it by myself.
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137. - Who's with me?
- I would, Turkleton,
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138. but I only play Pac-Man
and that carjack game.
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139. There's nothing like scoring a Caddy
and mowing down street hos.
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140. - Sir, what are you doing here so late?
- I live here.
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141. Enid kicked me out of the house
six weeks ago.
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142. She wheeled in and caught me
hitting on her speech therapist.
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143. C'est la vie. Now, if you don't mind,
I got a za coming.
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144. Dude!
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145. We're friends at night. I'll play.
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146. Yes.
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147. What are your thoughts
on cloth diapers?
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148. 'Cause if we got black ones
with orange spots,
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149. our kid would look like Bamm-Bamm.
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150. J.D.,
you've been so great.
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151. I'm feeling really connected to you,
you know?
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152. How are you feeling about us?
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153. Oh, no. Wrong time for this
conversation, but there's no way out.
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154. Good evening.
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155. Oh, thank you Perry much.
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156. We heard that you were having a baby
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157. and we just wanted to come by
and say congratulations.
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158. - Really?
- No. I'm looking for the paediatrician.
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159. He's not here. Sorry, baby J.D.
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160. Her name is Jennifer Dylan, not J.D.
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161. I'm calling her J.D. forever
and he can't stop me.
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162. All the best there, Kim. Please note
that the entire world is praying
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163. that the dominant genes are yours.
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164. Thank God.
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165. There's no way Kim remembers
what we were talking about.
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166. Hell, I don't even remember
what we were talking about.
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167. What were we talking about?
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168. I was asking
how you're feeling about us.
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169. Damn it.
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170. I've been working up the courage
to tell you that I'm falling...
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171. - No! Don't say it.
- Why not?
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172. Look, I think you're amazing,
but I'm just not ready to say it back yet.
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173. That's okay.
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174. I really hurt you, so it makes sense
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175. that you would need more time
to get there.
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176. Bullet dodged.
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177. What the hell. J.D., I love you.
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178. Cool.
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179. Dr Cox, we heard that you were
waiting for the paediatrician.
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180. Please. Remember our rule?
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181. We heard that you were waiting
for the paediatrician.
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182. He's at home so we paged him,
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183. and he said that we should
give your daughter the shot ourselves.
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184. There is no way in hell that I'm letting
an incompetent intern touch my child.
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185. But you said we were the future
of the hospital and we need to learn.
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186. You need to learn
on patients not related to me.
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187. Ones that I don't care
if you kill or maim.
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188. We are your doctors. Deal with it.
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189. Yeah,
we are your doctors.
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190. Why don't you always talk that way?
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191. Because it hurts my throat too much.
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192. Okay, all we have to do here
is kill space goblins.
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193. And what's my motivation?
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194. Your motivation is to kill space goblins.
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195. Yeah, but am I killing them
because I hate them
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196. or because I don't share
their space goblin values?
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197. Whatever you want.
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198. Good shot.
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199. What are you doing?
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200. I'm taking a few moments to speak
on behalf of our fallen adversary.
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201. Are you kidding me right now?
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202. Forgive me, space goblin.
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203. If it were not for the novice level setting
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204. or the 10 cups of coffee
I had earlier today,
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205. you might have bested me this day
in the marsh of Kothrick.
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206. We're not too different, you and I.
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207. Despite your arm-mounted cannon and
your insatiable taste for human flesh.
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208. You realise that while you're talking,
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209. his alien friends are shooting you
in the face, right?
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210. Well, that is just rude.
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211. Get some!
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212. Okay, not answering
Kim's "I love you" was awkward,
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213. but at least it was over.
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214. So, do you think you could ever
be in love with me?
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215. Let it go, woman!
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216. - Kim, let's focus on having the baby.
- Answer the question.
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217. Lie to her.
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218. And don't lie to me.
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219. Look, I think you're amazing, right?
I've mentioned that.
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220. And even though I'm not, you know,
in love with you right now,
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221. I really hope that one day I wake up
feeling what you said you feel,
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222. even though I kind of
asked you not to say it.
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223. - Do you really hope that?
- With all my heart.
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224. Because I always dreamed
of finding a guy who hoped
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225. he could fall in love with me someday.
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226. Really? That's kind of weird.
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227. No! J.D., do you actually think
that's enough for me?
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228. There are a lot of guys out there
who think I'm a good catch.
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229. The words "cute as a button"
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230. have been thrown around
on more than one occasion.
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231. I know that, Kim. You're amazing.
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232. Stop calling me amazing, okay?
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233. Would you even be with me
if I wasn't dropping this kid?
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234. I don't know how to answer that.
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235. I think you just did.
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236. You know what?
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237. We're done.
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238. What are you talking about?
We're having a baby.
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239. Yeah, we are,
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240. but I deserve to be with somebody
who doesn't need to cross his fingers
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241. and hope that he falls in love with me,
maybe someday.
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242. It's over, J.D.
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243. Get in here with the epidural!
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244. It's funny how even the best
intentions can blow up in your face.
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245. Don't worry. I've practised this
on tomatoes, like, a hundred times.
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246. Whether you meant
to keep your daughter
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247. from associating you with pain.
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248. Step away from the child.
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249. Come here, pumpkin. Okay.
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250. Or you simply intended
to get closure on a video game.
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251. This is what you call
"being there" for J.D.?
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252. Oh, my God, I don't think
I could be any angrier at you!
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253. Oh, yeah? Well, you're about to
find out 'cause I'm finishing this game.
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254. And though you have
every intention
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255. of making a horrible situation better...
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256. Okay, looks like
we're ready for this baby.
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257. No! Wait, wait, wait!
What about my epidural?
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258. Kim, you're fully dilated.
It's too late for the epidural.
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259. You should have told me sooner.
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260. you often find out
that you've made it worse.
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261. You!
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262. You're amazing.
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263. I hate you so much right now, J.D.
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264. Don't worry, all women say that stuff
during labour. She doesn't mean it.
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265. - I do. He just broke up with me!
- What?
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266. No, no! Technically,
I didn't break up with her.
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267. I just told her I didn't love her.
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268. - Who did he say that to?
- The mother of his baby.
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269. No, he didn't.
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270. Man, she looks familiar.
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271. Get out!
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272. No, I'm not letting you
go through this alone.
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273. I have someone else I can call.
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274. Keith, I get it, I ruined your life.
Stop calling.
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275. Oh, hey, Kim!
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276. Look it, I know I called you at home
and threatened to kill your dog,
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277. but thanks again
for coming in there, Dr Callahan.
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278. No problem.
It's not like I need a lot of sleep
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279. - to practise medicine on small children.
- This will only take a second.
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280. My daughter needs a shot
for her dermatitis.
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281. Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that.
I'm Dr No Shot.
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282. You're kidding, right?
You're a paediatrician.
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283. You must have to give
the occasional shot.
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284. Sure, if my name was
Dr Occasional Shot, but it's not.
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285. Look, I have to be a doctor
to these kids for years.
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286. I don't want them bawling
every time they see me
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287. because they associate me with pain.
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288. - That's insane.
- Yeah.
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289. And why aren't you giving
your daughter the shot?
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290. I don't want her to forever
associate me with pain.
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291. - What? I didn't catch that.
- Pain.
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292. Was that the inside voice?
You can bring it up.
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293. My daughter to forever
associate me with pain.
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294. Ironic.
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295. Why don't you ask one of the nurses
to give it to her?
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296. There's only one nurse in this dump
I'd let touch my daughter.
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297. I can't believe
you're still playing this stupid game.
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298. Hit him with the fire sabre.
Hit him with a lamp.
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299. - There's no lamp in this game, sir.
- I was talking to your wife.
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300. Hit Turkleton with this lamp.
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301. Oh, Carla, good.
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302. Listen, I need you to give my kid
a shot. It will only take a second.
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303. I can't do it.
I'm literally shaking with rage. See?
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304. I would give her a shot, Perry, but this
is Scotch and I'm all Hasselhoffed out.
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305. All right.
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306. - Janitor, you're getting pummelled.
- That sounded like criticism.
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307. - I don't respond well to criticism.
- Whatever. You still suck.
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308. - I'm out.
- No, dude. Come on.
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309. Baby, why'd you have to go
and say that?
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310. I can't finish this game by myself.
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311. Follow my lead
and jump in that warthog.
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312. You drive, I'll man the machine guns
and kill all the jackals.
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313. You have never been more sexy to me.
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314. Oh, that's disgusting.
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315. - Hey, Keith.
- Burn in hell.
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316. I'm so sorry about you and Kim.
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317. - Is there anything I can do?
- Just take care of her.
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318. Okay.
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319. God, you're having a baby.
Want to do a celebratory jump hug?
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320. No. Turk, Carla and I tried one earlier.
Turned out to be lame.
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321. Oh, please, you probably loved it
and just didn't want to admit it.
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322. God, she knows me.
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323. Hey, you. Blondie go that way?
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324. Thanks.
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325. Get out!
- Oh. Dear God.
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326. It is like Baghdad in there.
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327. Look, Newbie,
I am on the verge of losing my mind.
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328. Do you have the time
to give my daughter a shot
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329. now that you've ruined your life?
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330. Will you talk me through
what I'm going through?
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331. - Absolutely not.
- Then find someone else to help you.
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332. Oh, damn. Fine. Okay. Fine.
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333. But if you use the words "emotional
roller coaster," I am O-U-T.
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334. Deal. I just feel like I'm on this,
like, emotional
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335. - ride of some sort.
- Oh!
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336. Kind of like...
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337. Baby, you are awesome.
You've played this before.
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338. Listen, I discovered the game
when Izzy had colic
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339. and I was up all night
and I became addicted.
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340. That's actually the main reason
why I want it out of the apartment.
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341. Oh.
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342. I thought you were mad
because I'd rather play the game
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343. than play with Izzy.
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344. Which, I guess, is sometimes true.
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345. Baby, don't get it twisted,
that girl is my world.
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346. But every now and then,
I gotta do my own thing.
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347. You've heard of hunger pangs?
I get sports pangs.
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348. And "watch Judge Dredd
with J.D." pangs.
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349. Turk, you think you're the only one
who gets pangs?
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350. I get "put on my tight jeans
and walk down the street
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351. "to see if anybody honks" pangs.
They do, actually.
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352. I mean, how do you think
I became addicted to this game?
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353. Every parent needs
to take some time off.
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354. You're damn right they do.
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355. Hell, my son, Harrison, is a grown man
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356. and I still get the urge
to slip away during his visits.
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357. Of course, that may have more to do
with this new boyfriend of his.
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358. I swear, you could line up
a hundred gay men
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359. and Harrison would pick out
the attention-starved,
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360. bi-polar, ex-con every time.
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361. Harrison, your ears
must have been burning.
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362. So now what do we do?
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363. We kill one more alien boss
and then we're finished.
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364. I like your style.
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365. Of course, you had
to break up with him.
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366. No one you love should ever
sell your car without asking
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367. and then blow the money on meth.
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368. My kid's not even born yet,
and I'm already screwing up his life.
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369. I just wanted him to be really happy
and normal, you know?
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370. Okay, first of all, Newbie,
we're talking about your kid,
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371. so the whole normal part
was never gonna happen.
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372. - And you didn't mess up his life.
- Come on.
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373. Statistics show that kids
whose parents stay together...
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374. Statistics show?
Who cares what statistics show?
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375. I mean, look at medicine.
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376. 80% of people with pancreatic cancer
die within five years.
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377. 95% of appendectomies
occur with zero complications.
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378. But we both know
pancreatic cancer patients that lived
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379. and appendix patients that,
unfortunately, passed.
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380. Statistics mean nothing
to the individual.
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381. You're either gonna be a good parent
to that kid or you're not.
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382. I mean, hell,
your parents were divorced
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383. and you somehow managed to become
a relatively successful doctor.
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384. And I'm sure
there's someone, somewhere
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385. who would be proud
to call you their son.
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386. Would you be proud
to call me your son?
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387. This conversation's over.
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388. - Carla, are you done yet?
- Not yet.
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389. As I looked around the room,
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390. I thought about the things
parents do for their kids,
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391. like going to extraordinary lengths
to ensure their child never fears them.
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392. Okay. Let's keep looking.
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393. Helping them mend a broken heart.
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394. Well, why can't you still be with Gary?
I always liked him.
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395. What do you mean,
he stole your fillings?
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396. Or staying up late to make sure
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397. there's one less distraction
around the house.
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398. - Game.
- Game. And that's game.
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399. And that's how we do! And that is how
Copy !req
400. - we do! That's right.
- We do!
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401. And I realised parenting
is about sacrifice.
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402. And I had to go in there
and be there for my child,
Copy !req
403. even if it meant taking
some well-deserved abuse.
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404. - Get out of here, you jerk!
- No.
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405. Okay, I need you to stop pushing
for a minute.
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406. - You're a piece of crap!
- You're doing great. That hurt.
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407. - I hate your hair!
- Impossible. Nobody does.
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408. Almost there.
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409. Are you two ready to be parents?
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410. And right then,
I couldn't help but wonder...
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411. Are you ever?
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412. Anyway, I hope you weren't
too worried about us.
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413. We'll be home real soon. Bye.
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414. I love watching her sleep.
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415. I can't believe we finished that game.
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416. Oh, baby, I've finished it
a bunch of times.
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417. - Word?
- Mmm-hmm.
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418. He's so beautiful.
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419. - I'm really glad you came back in.
- Me, too.
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420. It's weird, you know?
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421. This is the end of our relationship.
But it's sort of just the beginning.
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422. - Can I hold him?
- Of course.
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423. Here's your daddy.
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424. Hi.
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425. Hi, handsome.
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426. Welcome to the world, Sammy.
meant taking
some well deserved abuse.
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427. Get out of here, you jerk!
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428. No.
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429. Ok, I need you to stop
pushing for a minute.
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430. - You're a piece of crap.
- You're doing great.
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431. - That hurt.
- I hate your hair.
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432. Impossible. Nobody does.
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433. - Almost there.
- Oh!
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434. Are you two ready to be parents?
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435. And right then,
I couldn't help but wonder...
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436. Are you ever?
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437. Anyway, I hope you, uh,
weren't too worried about us.
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438. We'll be home real soon. Bye.
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439. I love watching her sleep.
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440. I can't believe
we finished that game.
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441. Oh, baby.
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442. I finished it a bunch of times.
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443. - Word?
- Mm-hmm.
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444. He's so beautiful.
Copy !req
445. - I'm really glad you came back in.
- Me, too.
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446. It's weird, you know?
Copy !req
447. This is the end of our relationship
but it's sort of just the beginning.
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448. Can I hold him?
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449. Of course.
Copy !req
450. Here's your daddy.
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451. Hi.
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452. Hi, handsome.
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453. Welcome to the world, Sammy.
Copy !req