Scrubs 5x24

Directed by Bill Lawrence

Sam Lloyd as Ted Buckland • Robert Maschio as Todd • Aloma Wright as Laverne Roberts • Edward Tinney as Dr. Fulton • Jordan Zucker as Lisa

J.D. plans a date with Kim on their night off but Elliot keeps getting in their way. Meanwhile, Elliot throws a baby shower for Carla.Perry and Jordan hand over all of Jack's stuff to Carla. And someone announces a very surprising pregnancy.

Request examples:

!req Scrubs 5x24 [02:32]
!req Scrubs 5x24 [Scrubs 5x24]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Scrubs 5x24 [10-11]; !req Scrubs 5x24 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. It's springtime at Sacred Heart

2. and the whole hospital had that end-of-the-year smell.

3. Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr. Kerns' wound.

4. - And I need you to suck it. - Wow, Gloria.

5. Do you kiss your great-great- great-great-great-grandkids

6. with that mouth?

7. Ted, that's funny. Where's the chuckle?

8. - The bank foreclosed on my house. - Where's your mom?

9. She's out in the car with the cats.

10. Dr. Kelso celebrated spring by wearing his golf shorts

11. to flaunt his oddly youthful legs.

12. Take 'em in, people.

13. I shaved for you.

14. Tell your daddy what you just did.

15. "I made poopy in the potty."

16. Son, as a doctor, I spend a lot of my day

17. dealing with other people's poop.

18. And I'm not gonna lie to you, Jacky.

19. It gets old. Now, that's not to say

20. that I haven't enjoyed the last 3 years

21. of waking up to a fresh brown trout in your huggies.

22. Besides, you're gonna be doing the same thing for me someday real soon.

23. And yet, aside from actually seeing you being born

24. and that time Wayne Gretzky said

25. "what's up" to me in line at the bank,

26. you being out of diapers is the best damn thing

27. that's ever happened to me, it truly is.

28. Why don't you go into your room and play for a little while

29. because your mom and I are gonna celebrate up here grown-up style.

30. All right, let's get this over with.

31. I need to take a nap. I've been exhausted all week.

32. Yippee.

33. No kissing. Hands behind your back. Let's go.

34. Yep. Love was definitely in the air.

35. Hey, Kim, how would you like a night on the town

36. with the hottest doctor in this place?

37. I'd rather just go out with you. Oh!

38. You zoom, zoom, zoom?

39. Of course. I invented the zoom, zoom, zoom.

40. Oh, cool.

41. Liar.

42. So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis.

43. It's basically a hardening of your foreskin.

44. As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask

45. that you masturbate 5 times a week.

46. Help the poor kid out.

47. About 5 times a week, huh? For me that'd be cutting back.

48. He said, in front of his future girlfriend.

49. You know what? I should probably mosey.

50. Looking forward to our date.

51. See you around 6:00. Wear something slutty.

52. That's mine.

53. - Huh, you like that? - Wow. I felt it move.

54. - Todd, you're touching your crotch. - I know, and I'm loving it.

55. Hey, tubby.

56. J.D., come here. I want you to feel something. Quick.

57. Ooh.

58. Ow!

59. Don't call me tubby.

60. Pregnant witch. Hey, there's Kim.

61. She and Elliot had bonded over their ability

62. to communicate at the speed of light.

63. You'd have to slow it down for humans to understand.

64. So the shower's gonna start at 4:00. And there's gonna be food and games.

65. You're such a good friend.

66. I got her a present, but since we're not close,

67. I'm just gonna go home and get ready for my date.

68. Oh.

69. Hey, you. I'm psyched for tonight.

70. The best thing about a date with J.D.

71. is that if you're having Chinese food and you decide you want Mexican,

72. you can just walk right around to the other side of the food court.

73. We are not going to the mall, Elliot.

74. I was gonna make you dinner and then go to karaoke,

75. but I'm not sure how to do both in the same night.

76. Unless, of course...

77. J.D., not floating head doctor.

78. Too late. I'm already there.

79. Body could stay home and prepare the feast.

80. And as always, head would handle entertainment.

81. - Stop hogging the Mike. - Body, come.

82. Stupid body. I got to do everything myself.

83. Clap with me. Clap with me.

84. Head loves karaoke.

85. Well, I'm up for anything.

86. I married my high-school boyfriend,

87. so the only first date I ever went on was in 10th grade.

88. It began with me sitting in the backseat of his Miata

89. because his friend Benny called shotgun,

90. and it ended with us going to the arcade to

91. and I quote, "eat pizza and beat up nerds."

92. - And I married that guy. - Well, trust me, Kim.

93. I've beaten up many nerds in my day.

94. But tonight it's about you having the best first date ever.

95. All right, slugger.

96. Bye!

97. You don't have anything planned, do you?

98. You had to soil the whole food court thing.

99. It's Veal Piccata night at Sbarro's.

100. I'm planning a baby shower for Carla.

101. I am gonna make this cafeteria look totally different.

102. Ted, what the hell.

103. It's the only song we know with "baby" in it.

104. - I want my money back. - What money?

105. What? I lost my house. Give me a break.

106. It's fun, right? No one is mingling.

107. And why are the morgue guys so damn clicky?

108. I'm a yellow.

109. I wish I had cool morgue friends. Hey, guys.

110. - Ooh! - Yeah.

111. - Laverne. I didn't know you knit. - I sure do.

112. Mr. Roberts doesn't have one pair of store-bought socks.

113. I'm gonna knit you a muzzle.

114. Those are all from us.

115. It's just Jack's old baby crap.

116. We're really excited to get rid of all that stuff

117. and watch you guys suffer

118. through the hellish relationship-ruining nightmare

119. that is the baby phase.

120. - Oh. - Open something.

121. - Go ahead. Go ahead. - Oh.

122. Those are my workout pants.

123. She's been trying to get rid of those,

124. but I'll be honest with you, I love 'em

125. 'cause they're so darn comfortable

126. and, boy, you can get 'em on real quick.

127. - You ain't lying. - Yeah.

128. Baby, check it out.

129. Wonderful. Thank you.

130. Why can't we just talk to people?

131. Because, Keith, this is the baby game station.

132. Once we start playing, other people will join us.

133. Ok, guess what flavor baby food this is.

134. Cabdriver feet?

135. No. Keith, it's turnips. You got it wrong,

136. so you got to finish the whole jar.

137. You guys, this is so much fun.

138. Where the hell are all your intern friends?

139. Listen up, interns. Notice the definition in the upper calf.

140. Look at it, damn it. See that?

141. Back in Nam, the choppers would just hover about 8 feet over my head,

142. and I'd jump in.

143. You should've seen the look on Charlie's face.

144. Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie Ross.

145. Great guy. He didn't make it back.

146. Where's the cake?

147. 8 feet? I don't believe it.

148. Believe that, missy.

149. I have to get ready, man. I want my date with Kim to be perfect.

150. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?

151. Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.

152. Yeah, except this time with 2 horses.

153. Why not just take her to your deck?

154. You guys can lie out and look at the stars.

155. Unfortunately, I can't.

156. My deck has become sort of a cruising spot for older gay gentlemen.

157. Get off my porch, you old queens!

158. Go! Hey! Whose is this?

159. You find somewhere else to hang out!

160. I know for a fact Les Miz is in town.

161. I tried turning my hose on 'em, but they liked it.

162. Well, if anything, good luck, buddy.

163. I didn't need luck

164. because this was gonna be the most romantic first date ever.

165. Your steed, my lady.

166. J.D., I've never ridden a horse on the beach before.

167. Oh!

168. And upsy-Daisy.

169. Whoo! Wow. No saddles.

170. You sure we're gonna be ok riding bareback?

171. No problemo.

172. What's so hard about riding bareback?

173. Oh, that was amazing. Wasn't that so much fun?

174. Oh, yeah. It was awesome.

175. Thank you.

176. Is this for when we buy the baby a dog?

177. No. It's a baby cage.

178. It's a good one, too.

179. When I was a kid, mine didn't have these windows.

180. It's perfect. If you wanna go out to dinner,

181. it's already got a water bottle in there,

182. so you just throw some cedar chips in there so the baby can poop.

183. You're made in the shade.

184. I'm kidding.

185. It's for when they buy the baby a puppy.

186. Oh!

187. Ok, let's...

188. This one's from me and Keith.

189. He'd be here,

190. but he's just over in the bathroom throwing up summer squash.

191. - Let's see here. - Ooh!

192. It's a preggy Teddy.

193. I got it over at that new maternity lingerie store at the mall.

194. I had a very interesting conversation with the sweet old lady

195. who owns the place.

196. She said not many pregnant women shop there.

197. It's mostly just fat whores.

198. Oh!

199. I got to get me one of those.

200. Say, bobbo, you wanna weigh in on pregnancy sex?

201. - It's a freak show. - You've seen an ultrasound.

202. They have eyes. They have hands.

203. How do you think they're gonna react to an intruder?

204. Uh!

205. The baby can't grab me down there.

206. No, baby.

207. Ok, I called an ambulance,

208. but you should really let me examine you.

209. Oh, no, no, no. The date continues.

210. J.D., I'm a urologist,

211. and there's a good chance you have testicular torsion,

212. in which case you could lose a testicle.

213. So come on. Off with the pants.

214. Looks like my plan is working.

215. All right. Function is normal.

216. Ok, one is significantly larger than the other.

217. Actually, that's a preexisting condition.

218. So the right one's always been bigger?

219. Yes. Wait. Your right or stage right?

220. - Let me test the retraction. - Retracted.

221. Ok, the date's not going exactly as planned.

222. But you can still save it with your legendary gift for small talk.

223. So you're from Texas, huh?

224. They say that's the lone star state.

225. What exactly does that mean?

226. My boobs are so big right now.

227. Honestly, I think Dr. Fisherman threw in something special

228. when he did my chin.

229. Would you like to see something really just beautiful?

230. There goes all of Jacky boy's baby stuff.

231. No, mom. "Playpen baby cage" is not like "tomato to-ma-to."

232. J.D., I hope you're not beating yourself up about this.

233. Kim, I'm sorry. I wanted to do something fun for our first date.

234. No, it was so much more fun than you think.

235. The first 7 or 8 minutes rocked.

236. Admittedly, it was a little bit more like work after that.

237. But at least I got to third base with you.

238. And there it was.

239. The moment where pity was turning into genuine affection.

240. Classic Dorian.

241. I feel like we kind of missed first base.

242. Me, too.

243. - Well, maybe we should fix that. - We should.

244. And then it happened.

245. Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.

246. What's up, guys?

247. Tell me every detail about the first date.

248. We went horseback riding on the beach.

249. - Ah, yes, I've been on that date. - Oh, really?

250. What? I had a coupon.

251. I wasn't the only one to have an uninvited guest.

252. You know what sucks?

253. I didn't even eat any of that crappy shower food,

254. and I still feel nauseous.

255. In fact, I've been nauseous for, like, 2 weeks.

256. I've been exhausted all week.

257. My boobs are so big right now.

258. Yep. I'm pregnant.

259. Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year,

260. 2 vasectomies, I feel I just have to ask.

261. - Did you cheat on me? - No.

262. - And you know me. I always tell. - Ah, that's true.

263. That's pretty much why we work well together.

264. Are you responsible for this?

265. What are you talking about? I'm selling my old mop.

266. - The 2007s are in. - Sorry.

267. All right, Kim's right there.

268. You spent all money crafting a line so raw with confidence

269. that if you pull it off, you're back in the game.

270. - I'm afraid, mocha bear. - I know. Buck up.

271. Hey, Kim.

272. Oh, hey, J.D. How are you feeling?

273. Well, uh...

274. The swelling's gone down.

275. For now.

276. You're an idiot.

277. Go out with me again tonight.

278. Oh, J.D., I'd love to, but I'm going to a Neil diamond concert.

279. With who?

280. Elliot Reid Moment Killer.

281. Hey, girl.

282. - Are you so psyched? - I'm so psyched.

283. Could I, uh... Could I have everybody's attention, please?

284. Jordan's pregnant.

285. Oh! You get over here.

286. Not a hug moment, sweetie.

287. - Right. Yes. No. - Oh.

288. "But, Dr. Cox, here I thought you and Jordan were done

289. trying to have any more babies."

290. We were, but my vasectomy didn't take,

291. which apparently is not that uncommon.

292. "Holy crap, Dr. Cox. That must have really pissed you off."

293. Yes, it did, actually.

294. What is... What is your name?

295. "Oh, I'm a hospital worker

296. who happens to ask you a question

297. about your pregnancy and/or baby-related issues."

298. Oh, isn't that nice?

299. This morality play was made possible

300. by a generous Grant from the "just see if I was kidding" foundation.

301. - Do you wanna do it or should I? - Let's just do it together.

302. Maa!

303. - That's from The Simpsons. - Ah, yes.

304. Did you guys hear what Jordan and Dr. Cox did to the doctor

305. who botched his vasectomy?

306. Go, Ted.

307. - Dear God, when do they say "ribs"? - Never. They never say "ribs."

308. I heard 10 minutes into it, he started eating his own face.

309. He did.

310. Well, you know what J.D.'s got planned

311. since it's his day off and he's dateless?

312. This is my first scooter rally.

313. Do you wanna be Ponch or Jon?

314. I can imagine what Jordan and Dr. Cox are feeling right now.

315. Do you really think we can handle this?

316. I don't know.

317. I can totally picture J.D., too.

318. Oh, hey, mom.

319. Nah, I'm just hanging out alone tonight.

320. I didn't really have anything else to do.

321. We wanna give you your stuff back.

322. We don't feel like dealing with that right now.

323. - How about now? - Oh.

324. - Come on in. - Hmm.

325. Oh! I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens.

326. Oh. Apple-tini?

327. When did they start drinking straight-guy drinks?

328. Oh, it's fresh.

329. What's up, chicken butt?

330. Hey, Kim. What happened to Neil Diamond?

331. I hadn't seen Keith in a while, so I'm gonna take him instead.

332. Kim's letting me off the hook.

333. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

334. - What's up? - Nothing.

335. It seems like good friends always come through for you.

336. - You like? - Well, uh,

337. you know, I could wear 'em out to dinner.

338. - With a sports jacket? - No.

339. - Oh. - It's ok. Don't get up. I got it.

340. - Ok. - It's only your child.

341. Look, I feel like I can give you a list

342. of things that are sucky about being pregnant.

343. For starters, I am now horny as I've ever been

344. and my husband is repulsed by me.

345. If you really need it that badly,

346. I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.

347. - Thank you for the sacrifice. - That's because I love you.

348. My point is, even with all that crap, I'm sure it's all been worth it.

349. I've seen how happy having Jack has made you two.

350. And, yeah, I know it's been hard,

351. but I know that neither one of you regret any of it.

352. - What the hell is this thing? - That's Jack's mobile.

353. Actually, it's his third mobile.

354. The first two are deeply embedded in the drywall.

355. They can be quite frustrating to assemble.

356. Do you remember when he was teething

357. and he would stare up at that thing for hours?

358. Yep.

359. Why does your TV smell like doo-doo?

360. So what do you wanna do tonight?

361. Why don't we just hang here and look at the stars

362. until we're comfortable enough to make out a little?

363. Ok. I'm cool with that.

364. - Not yet. - Ok. Let me know.

365. And like that,

366. I felt like all was right with the couples in the world.

367. Sss.

368. Ok, now.

369. And right then I knew this was the start of something important.

370. 2 and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.

371. I'm pregnant.

372. What now?