Scrubs 5x22

Directed by Linda Mendoza

Robert Maschio as Todd • Aloma Wright as Laverne Roberts • Yvonne Arias as Nurse Martinez • Carole Goldman as Mrs. Goldstein • Keith Allan as Bartender

J.D. feels that the same things happen over and over again at the hospital. Dr. Cox returns to work, but Elliot believes that he has lost his usual confidence. Elliot calls Dr. Cox on his behavior. Carla gets fed up with Turk, because he still can do a lot of stuff, but she can't since she is now pregnant.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Today started off on a high note.

2. Ernie the homeless guy shattered the record

3. for the most blood donations in a month.

4. Oh!

5. Congratulations, Ernie. 19 pints.

6. He probably needs a little more juice.

7. Yes.

8. Even though we were sending Ernie upstairs

9. to most likely get some of his own blood back,

10. I couldn't help but smile.

11. Today Dr. Cox was returning back to work

12. after the accidental death of 3 of his patients.

13. Ok, there he is. Just play it cool.

14. What is the latest on Mrs. Riley up in 403?

15. Mrs. Riley was admitted with shortness of breath

16. and then she developed a...

17. Stay cool. Stay cool. Ah, screw it.

18. You sent those demons right back to hell, didn't you?

19. Straight to hell.

20. Ok, here's a bud clearly in need of nipping, newbie.

21. There are some things that if they happen,

22. we do wanna make a big deal out of them,

23. a cure for cancer, teaching dogs to talk,

24. and you actually managing to walk past a breakfast cart

25. without referring to cream cheese as "cow fudge."

26. I like to play with words.

27. However, of all the things there are to make a big deal out of,

28. can my return to this hellhole,

29. please, please, please, not be one of them?

30. Sure thing, Perry, but there is one problem.

31. - J.D. - In the background...

32. That's a run that I was gonna do, but now it's awkward.

33. It's unbelievable.

34. Since Dr. Cox was back,

35. I decided to knock out all my errands extra quick.

36. And what better way to get started

37. than with my new 18-wheeler scooter horn.

38. First I grabbed a quick lunch.

39. Then I returned some e-mails.

40. Finally, a shortcut through the mall parking lot,

41. which meant dealing with the skate rats

42. and their famous ring o' fire.

43. Ring of fire!

44. Whoo-hoo!

45. Top that, dudes.

46. Sasha!

47. Oh!

48. With Sasha back in the scooter shop,

49. I decided to buy a bike and get some exercise.

50. I can't remember what happened to my old bike.

51. - Ow! - Nice helmet.

52. Actually, it's not a helmet. It's a hair-met.

53. It's got extra room built in so you don't mess up your hairdo.

54. I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for 2 testicles.

55. You get it filled whenever.

56. That's weird. I felt like that had happened before.

57. I guess when you work at a hospital for 5 years,

58. situations are bound to repeat themselves.

59. Doctor, I'm getting a little tired of your sexual innuendo.

60. In your end-o.

61. Dr. Kelso, it's so cold in pediatrics,

62. the kids are wearing mittens.

63. Hey, Jim, what has 2 thumbs and doesn't give a crap?

64. Kelso. How you doing?

65. That's what déjà vu is,

66. the feeling like you lived the same moments a thousand times,

67. Whether it's Turk's tepid response

68. to the annoying baby stuff Carla makes him do.

69. Friday, we have to meet with the baby proofer at the apartment.

70. Oh, I can't wait.

71. Or Dr. Cox giving Elliot a hard time.

72. Barbie, why did you order this test?

73. For the love of God, are you a real doctor

74. or a doctor like Dr. Pepper's a doctor?

75. Hmm?

76. Or the Janitor having menace in his eyes.

77. That looks like trouble.

78. Hey, come here a sec. We wanna do stuff to you.

79. Just distract them before they do whatever they've got planned.

80. - We were thinking. - I got a riddle for you.

81. - This isn't how you said it would go. - Troy. We're listening.

82. 2 coins add up to 30 cents, and one of them is not a nickel.

83. I think I've heard this before. What are they?

84. It's a riddle. You figure it out.

85. Troy, get your hat. We're going to the bank.

86. Look who's back, Mrs. Goldstein. This is Dr. Cox.

87. How was Acapulco?

88. We told everyone you were in Acapulco.

89. I never went to Acapulco, Mrs. Goldstein.

90. I lost 3 patients and spent the last 2 weeks on my couch

91. trying to drink myself to death

92. so that my victims and I could be reunited in the afterlife

93. and they could rightly have their vengeance.

94. Then I realized that that tactic would never work,

95. as I'd be sent straight to hell,

96. which I imagine is actually a lot like Acapulco,

97. only there would be fewer Latin men

98. trying to sell me chiclets on the beach.

99. All the best.

100. Mm.

101. Is there a reason you're still near me?

102. We covered Mrs. Goldstein while you were gone, but you're back,

103. so she's your patient again.

104. Her B.P.'S been dropping, so it might be time to push thrombolytic.

105. Yeah, but she could bleed out.

106. Well, I suppose you could wait and see how she does.

107. Well, then she could decompensate.

108. Well, those are the 2 options. So what are you gonna do?

109. I'll be right back.

110. Did you guys just see that?

111. Dr. Cox had to make a decision. He completely froze.

112. Well, he's probably just thinking it over, Elliot.

113. He never used to think things over.

114. He would just make gut calls right away.

115. Listen, Reid.

116. Normally, any damage to Dr. Cox's over-sized ego

117. would be cause for celebration.

118. And yet, for some reason, I'm not wearing a party hat

119. sitting bare-assed on a hospital's copier machine.

120. You know why?

121. It's not because I have Johnny tattooed on my butt.

122. He was an Old Navy buddy.

123. And if you went through what we did, you'd understand.

124. Again with the déjà vu.

125. It's because your little theory is way off.

126. Ok, if you don't wanna be there for him, that's your decision.

127. But I'm gonna be.

128. J.D. Robs the ball. Black guy open.

129. No ball in the hall.

130. Sorry, Leonard.

131. I wouldn't be as mad if that was the first time that happened.

132. Relax. They come 3 to a can.

133. Why are you playing basketball anyway?

134. I thought you had to have lunch with Carla.

135. Nah. She's taking a pregnancy nap, so I get to do whatever I want.

136. I'm telling you, J.D., Carla being pregnant is awesome for me.

137. I get to watch whatever I want while she reads her pregnancy book.

138. I get to eat all the good food.

139. Yecch.

140. And, of course, the ring of fire.

141. Ring of fire!

142. Bottom line, pregnancy's awesome.

143. Ok, 2 coins equals 30 cents, no nickels.

144. I swear we've done this before.

145. Come on, man. You went to Yale, for God sake.

146. Relax. I figured it out.

147. A penny...

148. And a button that you wrote 29 cents on.

149. You think he'll recognize your handwriting?

150. - Can't we just kill him? - How's therapy going?

151. Dr. Cox, do you have a second?

152. - Of course. - I was just wondering—

153. - You're done. - What?

154. You asked for a second, and I gave you a second.

155. I think you'll find I'm being quite literal here at work today.

156. You can ask anyone. Lonnie, what happened earlier

157. when you said "give me a break"?

158. - You broke my sunglasses in half. - Had to be done.

159. The man looked preposterous in aviators.

160. Dr. Cox, you still haven't made a decision

161. about how to treat your patient Mrs. Goldstein.

162. Oh, thanks for the reminder, barboo.

163. What would I do without you?

164. Joke if you want to, but eventually you're gonna have to make a decision.

165. Mrs. Goldstein's life depends on it.

166. But what if I'm wrong?

167. All right, she'll have a ginger ale,

168. he'll have a beer, and I'll have an apple-tini.

169. Hell, I'm gonna have a real drink. Make it a nectarini.

170. I don't know what that is.

171. Oh, come on, Kevin. You know. Make it.

172. Guys, make sure I don't have too many of those nectarinis

173. 'cause I have to drive my bicycle home.

174. Dude, don't even worry about it.

175. Carla can't drink. She'll drive you home. Right, baby?

176. - Sure. - Sweet.

177. Better idea.

178. Why don't you just come over to our place? She's going straight to bed.

179. We could stay up late and watch Judge Dredd.

180. 99th viewing.

181. Ok, ice cold beer, a nectarini, and ginger ale.

182. There's nothing better in this world

183. than the first sip of an ice cold beer after a long day.

184. Good ol' fruitini.

185. It really takes the edge off.

186. That's it. No beer for you.

187. It's not fair. I'm sitting here all pregnant,

188. you two yahoos having the time of your lives.

189. From now on, anything I can't do, you can't do.

190. - Carla, that's ridiculous. - Not you.

191. Oh. Fair is fair, Turk.

192. Incidentally, dynamite nectarine.

193. That man knows his way around nectar.

194. I used to just look into my gut and know what to do.

195. Now I got all this self-doubt.

196. Barbie, you got massive amounts of doubt,

197. romantically, professionally, personally.

198. - How do you deal with it? - Treadmill.

199. Crank the incline up to 15 and just run through the tiers.

200. Look, Dr. Cox, I know that you're scared,

201. but, believe me, your gut is still there.

202. You just have to have the courage to listen to it again.

203. - You really think so? - I know so.

204. Push thrombolytic. And thank you, Barbie.

205. I'm just glad you let me help.

206. There's no better feeling than helping someone out.

207. Laverne, Dr. Cox made a decision about Mrs. Goldstein.

208. He wants to push thrombolytic.

209. I know. He told me that 3 hours ago.

210. What?

211. Maybe that's why it hurts that much more

212. when you end up looking like a fool.

213. This is why the headache didn't go away.

214. It's actually pronounced an-algesic, not anal-gesic.

215. The pills go in your mouth.

216. Elliot, you ever have déjà vu around here?

217. Barbie, there you are. Thank God.

218. Unfortunately, yes.

219. As you know, I can't make a decision without your help.

220. So here goes.

221. On Oprah, there's a story about Lindsay Lohan's eating disorder.

222. But on E, there's a story

223. about Lindsay Lohan's fabulous new Tribeca loft.

224. Don't get me wrong.

225. I wanna watch something about Lindsay Lohan.

226. I'm just a little lost her.

227. F.Y.I., that loft is Lohan-Tastic.

228. - It's vintage Lindsay. - Oh.

229. Dr. Cox when you walked away from Mrs. Goldstein,

230. anyone could have thought you were in trouble.

231. I had to go to the bathroom, Barbie.

232. People, from now on,

233. if anyone needs to take a leak, please notify Dr. Reid.

234. It is a pet peeve of hers.

235. "It is a pet peeve."

236. - You think that's funny? - A little bit.

237. Carla, Turk's drinking coffee.

238. No. If your pregnant wife can't have coffee then you can't.

239. Oh. Please have some sort of nut. Hazel.

240. Careful, Turkelton. First it's no coffee.

241. Next thing you know, she's going to want you in the delivery room

242. holding her hands while she pushes that little bugger out.

243. My man will be there when his baby is born.

244. Of course he will. It's a different generation.

245. Know this.

246. 90% of all childbirths are accompanied by an accidental dooky.

247. Dude, I'd be a mess if I had to give up my Joe.

248. I have a full-blown addiction.

249. Hopefully, that won't come back to haunt me.

250. Where did you get this?

251. Who taught you how to use this thing?

252. You, all right? I learned from watching you.

253. Damn it, Billy. At least he's using good beans.

254. I guess I'm gonna look like a porn star when I'm older.

255. Hey, we solved your stupid game.

256. - Yeah. We've been to the libary. - "Brary," Troy. Library.

257. Anyway, 2 coins that add up to 30 cents, one of 'em's not a nickel.

258. A penny and...

259. A 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection,

260. today worth exactly 29 cents.

261. Ok. No.

262. The correct answer is a quarter and a nickel.

263. Uh, no, 'cause you said one of 'em isn't a nickel.

264. - Right. The other one is. - You lied to me.

265. It's a riddle.

266. Oh, your face is red like a strawberry.

267. Don't have kids.

268. Excuse me, Dr. Reid. I just wanted to let you know I'm going to pee.

269. What a jackass.

270. I hate it that you two aren't getting along.

271. I'd get you together to talk it out, but you're so stubborn.

272. I'd never be able to do it on my own.

273. Well, there is one way.

274. J.D., I don't wanna hear about floating head doctor.

275. Elliot, save it. He's gone.

276. Fine, fine, fine. I will apologize to Elliot.

277. I just don't know how you're ever gonna get her to talk to me.

278. Don't you worry about that. Body, get her.

279. Hey, put me down. I'm talking to a patient.

280. What are you doing? Oh!

281. Well, she's dead.

282. Stupid, stupid body.

283. Oh, you want some of this?

284. Too slow. A little late. Oh, nice try.

285. J.D., don't worry about it. I'll handle it.

286. Head fight body again?

287. Those two just can't get along. I don't get it.

288. Turk, what are you doing?

289. - You can't ride the bike. - Why not?

290. Because it puts too much pressure on my cervix.

291. Baby, I don't have a damn cervix.

292. And how else am I supposed to exercise?

293. You can do everything that I do.

294. You can have yogurt. You can listen to classical music.

295. You can gently rub my belly.

296. You know what? That's it.

297. What's it?

298. What do you think you're doing?

299. You better not open that. You better not o... ok.

300. But you better not drink it.

301. Fine. But you better not enjoy it.

302. Ahh!

303. Did you just bitch-slap my beer?

304. Are you calling me a bitch?

305. Yes. Yes, I am.

306. - Baby, you ok? - I feel funny.

307. You know, I've been thinking about it.

308. And only you could go through all that stuff you did

309. and come out the other side the same mean-spirited jerk.

310. Barbie, please.

311. They're about to show Lindsay's breakfast nook.

312. In fact, in the 5 years that I've been here,

313. you're the only person who hasn't changed one bit.

314. That's not entirely true. Since the arrival of my son,

315. I like to think I've become more patient, plus...

316. and I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth—

317. I've learned that not all of newbie's ideas are completely ridiculous.

318. Do you love it as much as I do?

319. Well, with me, you've never been anything but an unsupportive bastard,

320. and you know it.

321. You have it on the chart that he called me a bitch

322. because he wanted to drink more alcohol, right?

323. I don't really have a section for that.

324. Well, put it under "family history." It's part of ours now.

325. All you had was a little round ligament pain. It's very common.

326. - I'll meet you outside. - Babe, I'm sorry.

327. Hmm. You know what? This was actually kind of nice.

328. How was this nice?

329. You being here with me all concerned.

330. It just feels that ever since I got pregnant,

331. everything's changing for me, but nothing is changing for you.

332. So yes, you can drink.

333. Just maybe not do it in front of me.

334. And sometimes when I'm reading my pregnancy book,

335. maybe you can ask me about it.

336. And occasionally on a Friday night when I'm too tired to go out...

337. maybe you can stay in and get fat with me.

338. I can get fat?

339. The bigger you get, the tinier I'll look.

340. - Oh. - Come on. Come on, please.

341. - How's Mrs. Goldstein doing? - Fine.

342. Look, how's about we act like adults here

343. and lay our cards on the table?

344. You know that you're not exactly my favorite person in this dump.

345. And I say that knowing full well that you feel the same way about me.

346. I started an "I hate Cox" chat room.

347. Hasn't really worked out the way I planned.

348. It's me, 2 interns, and 14,000 lesbians.

349. How about we just agree that we're never gonna be that close?

350. We could. Except for one thing.

351. I know we have our issues, but I've always respected you,

352. and you haven't given me more than an ounce of that

353. since I started here.

354. I didn't go in that bathroom to take a leak.

355. I went in there because I was petrified

356. that I was gonna make the wrong decision about Mrs. Goldstein.

357. I didn't want anybody to know because it is so very important to me

358. that people see me the way they used to...

359. bulletproof.

360. And hopefully, admitting this to you will make you feel...

361. Respected.

362. It does. Thanks.

363. You're welcome.

364. It's understandable why I've been feeling so much déjà vu.

365. After 5 years of this place,

366. it's hard not to feel like you're repeating the same moments

367. week after week.

368. I got to run. They're doing a breast-reduction up on 3,

369. and I wanna get up there and stop it.

370. You know what I'm talking about.

371. Son, do you not realize that you are nothing

372. but a large pair of scrubs to me?

373. So I guess all you can do is try to notice the subtle differences

374. within those moments,

375. Whether it's Turk's response to the baby stuff Carla makes him do.

376. Friday we have to meet with the baby proofer at the apartment.

377. Can't wait.

378. Or it not bothering Elliot as much

379. when Dr. Cox gives her a hard time.

380. Barbie, why did you order this test?

381. For the love of God, are you a real doctor

382. or a doctor like Julius Irving is a doctor?

383. Huh?

384. Of course sometimes things are gonna repeat themselves

385. in the exact same way.

386. What the hell.

387. It's a riddle.

388. 2 guys destroyed your bike with a softball bat and a crowbar.

389. One of 'em wasn't me.

390. Oh, that's what happened to my old bike.

391. - Ha! Good day, fellas. - See you tomorrow.

392. Troy. This one's over.