Scrubs 5x21

Directed by Joanna Kerns

Sam Lloyd as Ted Buckland • Robert Maschio as Todd • Paul Adelstein as Dr. Stone • Ming Lo as Dr. Kim • Paul Shively as Mr. Ketay

Dr. Cox starts drinking after his decisions result in the death of three of his patients. The staff tries to cover for him at the hospital, while everyone tries to convince him how inspiring he is for them. Turk starts his new rotation with orthopedic surgery, but isn't so fond of his attending doctor's touchy-feely methods. Thus, J.D. and the Janitor attempt to help Turk find ways to bond with his new supervisor.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. If you work at a hospital long enough, you get used to anything,

2. whether it's Dr. Kim

3. who makes patients take their pants off no matter what.

4. - Yep. You've got pink eye. - Can I put my pants back on?

5. Right after I put some drops in.

6. Or nobody remembering Ray Kattay's 80th birthday.

7. Why aren't you making a bigger fuss?

8. I would have, Mr. Kattay,

9. but Dr. Reid is throwing a huge celebration for you later.

10. I should tell her about that.

11. The truth is, thanks to modern medicine,

12. 80 isn't that big a deal anymore, it's not like the olden days.

13. Let us not feel sorrow for Bobby Adams.

14. He was 12. He led a full life.

15. He will be missed, especially by his beautiful wife Jenny

16. who stood by him even when he turned 6,

17. had a midlife crisis

18. and was caught banging one of those naked people that brought us corn.

19. I'd be the oldest man in pilgrim village.

20. Still, you should always celebrate life

21. because you never know when it's gonna throw you a curveball.

22. Like with Dr. Cox.

23. He recently made a decision any doctor would have made.

24. And because of it, 3 patients died.

25. At first, he was inconsolably sad.

26. After that, he started acting out.

27. In his defense, he did ask for dressing on the side.

28. Daphne.

29. I heard that he attacked one of the busboys.

30. I heard he bitch slapped the maitre d'.

31. Enough, gang. That's how rumors get started.

32. Gloria, I made a joke once that you were hooking up with Leonard,

33. the big black security guard with the hook hand.

34. Now everyone thinks it's true.

35. It is true. And I'm never going back.

36. Gloria.

37. I love me some white meat.

38. Ok, well, make sure you put antiseptic

39. on any puncture wounds, ok?

40. Now, I know Dr. Cox seems crazy mad at the world right now,

41. but let's remember 3 patients died.

42. What's amazing is that he can take a hit like that,

43. one that would knock any of the rest of us out for good

44. and come out the other side still standing.

45. That's why the man's an inspiration. He is a rock.

46. Yep. He's the best damn doctor here.

47. Lulu, will you give me a little trouble? I'm having some help here.

48. Oh, no.

49. All right, people, listen up. We are a family.

50. And what do families do when one of their own is in trouble?

51. When my brother Barry came out of the closet,

52. my parents sent him to hetero camp.

53. Families that aren't from Connecticut, Elliot.

54. Pregnancy had made Carla a little hormonal.

55. Now, Dr. Kelso, I've asked you to keep this matter away from the board.

56. - Were you able to do that, sir? - Nurse Espinoza—

57. - Were you? - Yes.

58. I told them Dr. Cox was going to take a leave of absence

59. due to problems at home.

60. - Should anyone ask, you beat him. - Beat him. Got it.

61. I couldn't believe how depressed he was yesterday.

62. - Oh, it was so sad. - Oh, I know.

63. When I first heard about it, I was like, "Whoa. No way."

64. You don't even know what we're talking about.

65. Sure I do. The donkey boy up in I.C.U.

66. We're talking about Dr. Cox.

67. Oh, well, if anyone's interested, there's a donkey boy in the I.C.U.

68. - Baby. - No, Turk.

69. Now, Dr. Cox needs our help getting through this.

70. Jordan can watch him in the morning and at night,

71. but she's also got Jack.

72. Plus she's not that emotionally available.

73. I'm dead inside.

74. Anyway, we're all going to spend time with him.

75. I've made up a schedule. I've got the first shift.

76. Unless there's any questions, this meeting is adjourned.

77. - Ooh. - Oh!

78. - Gosh! - What?

79. For God sake, Reid, there's a donkey boy upstairs.

80. Damn.

81. That boy is going to town on that carrot.

82. You fellas wanna go to a real donkey show?

83. It's really very tastefully done.

84. One of the women who entertains the donkey used to be on a soap.

85. Pass.

86. Well, standing invitation every Thursday.

87. Always pass, sir.

88. Well, I'll ask Mickhead.

89. Turk, you know what bothers me?

90. Dr. Cox shows up to work drunk,

91. and we're all acting like nothing happened.

92. I don't know. I kind of feel for the guy.

93. Besides, I am way too excited.

94. I start my orthopedic rotation today. It is going to be awesome.

95. Turk was psyched

96. because orthopedic surgeons are notoriously,

97. the most unemotional, jockish surgeons of all.

98. Turk was finally gonna have a boss he could connect with.

99. Hey, guys. I'm Dr. Stone. I'm your new attending.

100. - All right, fellas, hands in. - Yeah.

101. Mmm. Mm.

102. Dr. Stone?

103. Usually, when people put their hands in,

104. someone says "go get 'em" or "whoo!"

105. No. No words yet.

106. I want you all to get comfortable

107. with the feel of your brother's hands on yours.

108. As surgeons, we're constantly opening people up and looking around.

109. But have you ever stopped to open yourself up and look around?

110. Whoa.

111. Whoo.

112. - Hi. How's he doing? - He's not talking,

113. and he's, you know...

114. - What? - Daddy drinks a lot.

115. First complete sentence. Fantastic. Thanks for doing this.

116. Hey, sunshine.

117. You gonna at least say hello? Nothing?

118. Listen.

119. I know you keep blaming yourself for this, but you just can't.

120. When my mom died, I thought that because I was a nurse,

121. I should have been able to prevent it somehow.

122. But over time,

123. I realized that bad things are going to happen,

124. and beating yourself up isn't going to help anyone.

125. Oh, that's it, sweetie.

126. Come here.

127. Nurse, I need you to help me to drain some fluid.

128. But first we're gonna have to get to work on this patient.

129. Todd, take the scalpel and carve this into your arm.

130. No nurse will ever touch your dangle.

131. - Christopher, come on. - Oh.

132. You know what?

133. I think you're a little edgy because you're here on the sidelines.

134. - I know how that digs at you, right? - Oh, yeah.

135. Digs at you right in here, and that's ok.

136. What would you say

137. if I said you could have that big knee reconstruction later?

138. - Awesome. - Ah! You bet it is.

139. - Yeah. Ok. - Finished.

140. People, let's just take a second here to think about what we just did.

141. We fixed an elbow.

142. The last thing this man said to me before he went under

143. was how much he enjoyed Sunday morning tennis.

144. Right? And I think that's special. And we're special.

145. - This was special. - Thank you.

146. He actually said, "I think that's pretty special."

147. Then he got all emotional. How lame is that?

148. It's pretty lame.

149. I'm just not into all of that sensitive, touchy-feely stuff.

150. You hug me all the time.

151. And even that took a while.

152. Remember the first time you tried to hug me?

153. Yeah!

154. His sports team won the world series!

155. - Ha! What a game! - A grand slam!

156. But with Dr. Stone, it's different. We're not friends.

157. What kind of guy gets all cuddly with people he just met?

158. It's pathetic.

159. Dude, that's a little harsh.

160. Todd, how long have you been holding that button?

161. Long enough for me to hear what you really think.

162. Great.

163. Is there another guy on this planet who's that sensitive?

164. Ok, let it out. I got you. J.D.'s got you.

165. Hold me tighter. Little too tight.

166. There's a good spot.

167. Why did I have to come?

168. Because we are a couple, Keith. We do things together.

169. Ok. Would it be ok if I moved? This couch is uncomfortable.

170. Up, up.

171. Dr. Cox, I am not gonna pretend to know what you're going through,

172. but, believe me, I've had my experiences.

173. Remember last year

174. when I put my malaria patient through that painful procedure

175. even when everyone knew he was gonna die anyway?

176. I'm just gonna go sit in the bathroom.

177. Anyway, you know what I do

178. when I'm having a really tough time getting through things?

179. I just leave the city, get into nature

180. and just take stock of what's really important.

181. Just make sure you don't go to a popular parachute drop zone.

182. I don't know if it was the adrenaline rush

183. or because I thought he was an angel,

184. but that is the fastest I've ever gone from meeting to kissing.

185. Yeah. True story.

186. - I'm just worried about this mole. - It doesn't look cancerous.

187. Ah, get in there and take your pants off.

188. - You're gonna go talk to Dr. Stone? - Nah. It'll blow over.

189. Plus he's a surgeon. Surgeons don't hold grudges.

190. If you'll excuse me, I have to go scrub up.

191. By the way, your shift with Dr. Cox starts in 10 minutes.

192. Turk was right.

193. Personal feelings shouldn't get

194. in the way of a professional relationship. But they do.

195. What do you say we rebuild that knee?

196. Actually, Dr. Turk,

197. I think I'm gonna let Dr. Norman here take the lead on this one.

198. Ok?

199. Look, Carla, I have a real problem with what Dr. Cox did,

200. and I don't think I can go over there.

201. I'm gonna send somebody else over for you, ok?

202. J.D. was supposed to come, but, um...

203. He's not coming.

204. I couldn't really worry about bailing on Dr. Cox.

205. The Stanleys' child was sick, and I just spent the last 20 minutes

206. asking them awkward questions to rule out the possibility of child abuse.

207. - Who would smother their own child? - You'd be surprised.

208. There's something called Munchausen syndrome

209. where a parent will intentionally harm their child

210. to get some attention on themselves.

211. I've never heard of that.

212. Someone should do a public service announcement about it.

213. Hmm. Someone should.

214. You had a tough day at the office,

215. so you come home, make yourself some dinner,

216. smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink.

217. It's fun, right? Wrong.

218. Don't smother your kids.

219. That problem would be gone forever.

220. - I am so mad at you. - Yeah, you big jerk.

221. How could you stand up Dr. Cox?

222. Is that what we came to yell at him for?

223. Well, yeah. What did you think it was?

224. Apparently, J.D.

225. Told Mr. Kattay that I'm throwing him a big birthday party.

226. So when he asked where the cake was, I totally panicked,

227. and I told him that we all pitched in and got him a weekend in Vegas.

228. - What? - Can I see Celine Dion?

229. Oh, anything you want, Mr. Kattay.

230. You're going halfsies with me on everything.

231. I can't believe you didn't show up at Dr. Cox's.

232. Do you have any idea who I had to send in your place?

233. Hey, if you're not digging this, I've got a hundred jokes about these.

234. Yeah!

235. I'm just not down with the whole drinking

236. and doctoring thing, all right? Deal with it.

237. Excuse me.

238. I'm never gonna get a good surgery on this rotation.

239. I can help you with Dr. Stone.

240. He's one of my people. He's a sensi.

241. - What's a sensi? - It's short for "sensitive guy."

242. Our music is acoustic alternative. We marvel at fireflies.

243. And when we help a drunk girl home from the bar,

244. sure we cop a feel, a feel of her hair as we're pulling it back

245. so she doesn't get any vomit in it.

246. I'm having a weird med school flashback.

247. I think you held my hair back while I vomited.

248. I did. That was our last year.

249. I didn't want you to get Jägermeister in your cornrows?

250. - My Latrell Sprewell phase. - Hockey?

251. - Basketball. - Damn it.

252. What am I gonna do about Dr. Stone?

253. You're gonna cry in front of him.

254. Laugh if you must.

255. But it'll show you have emotional depth,

256. and it will trigger a nurturing impulse inside him

257. that we sensis can't resist.

258. How the hell am I supposed to cry?

259. You need to cry. Let's brainstorm.

260. I could hit you over the head with a wrench

261. or I could stab you in the gut with a knife.

262. Practical and safe.

263. Waah!

264. Oh!

265. Anyhoo, don't worry about crying.

266. I got this menthol from the pharmacy.

267. I read on-line that actors in Hollyweird spray it in their eyes

268. when they need to fake cry.

269. Why do you have 5 of 'em?

270. I'm using it for the final death scene

271. in my movie Dr. Acula.

272. Last night my German financier Hans, rest in peace,

273. died on the autobahn.

274. So now I got to shoot the whole thing on my cell phone.

275. Hello, Bob. No cheek kiss necessary.

276. Oh, good. I have pipe breath.

277. So when was the last time I was here? '97?

278. I know it's been a while because Enid could still fit through that door.

279. I shouldn't joke. She's very ill.

280. I'm gonna go take a shower.

281. Hello, Perry. I don't really know why I'm here.

282. But Nurse Espinoza said if I didn't swing by,

283. she would stop coming over to my house

284. and giving instructions to my pool boy.

285. He speaks perfect English, but he doesn't have any front teeth,

286. so I can never look at him without laughing.

287. Anyway, I don't know what she expects me to say to you.

288. All you do is bust my ass day in and day out.

289. I guess you keep me in line on those rare occasions

290. when I lose sight of things.

291. You could say we balance each other out pretty well.

292. Whew! Perry, the hospital needs you.

293. I need you. What the hell are you doing?

294. Did Elliot leave without telling me?

295. Why is there an intern in my bathroom?

296. - It's not my birthday. - She made me watch.

297. Ok, there he is. You ready?

298. Ow! He's the one that needs to cry, you idiot, not me.

299. Ow!

300. Oh, yeah. I forgot all about that crying stuff.

301. I was just... Oh, hey. Loose bread.

302. No.

303. For kids.

304. Ok, he's hugging colonel doctor which means you got about 7 seconds.

305. - A hug takes 7 seconds? - A good one does. Here's the plan.

306. What you're gonna do is tell him a story that isn't inherently sad.

307. That way when you get all emotional,

308. he's gonna think you're extra-sensitive,

309. at which point I'll nail you with the menthol,

310. and you'll be crying like a 10-year-old pilgrim widow.

311. Here he comes. And blaction.

312. - Dr. Stone. - Christopher.

313. I'm just out here thinking about my wife.

314. - Mm-hmm. - She's pregnant with our first child.

315. Now, come on, fishy. Take the bait.

316. Children are pretty darn special.

317. I have 7 of my own,

318. and each one is just as compassionate as the next one.

319. That is the quality that me and my 6 ex-wives

320. try to instill in our children.

321. It's overwhelming here.

322. Exactly.

323. You know, my new wife Carol, she is 4 months pregnant.

324. Congratulations.

325. - We're separated. - Uh-huh.

326. We are not so different, you and I.

327. He's not a sensi. He's a nut job.

328. It's hug time, Chris. Come here.

329. Old habits.

330. So he has a mild concussion,

331. and they're gonna let him rest for a while.

332. Good. That gives us time to come up with a new plan.

333. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's it. I'm done.

334. There's no way he and I are gonna have a relationship.

335. Not unless I wanna bear his 17th child.

336. He's your attending. You have to connect with him.

337. You need somebody you can look up to, someone you can count on.

338. Turk, what you need is someone who'll always have your back.

339. No, J.D. That's what you need.

340. That's what you've always needed.

341. Maybe after 5 years of working here, that's not such a good thing anymore.

342. I got to go and do my shift with Dr. Cox.

343. Right then I knew what I had to do.

344. - Hey. - What's up?

345. You're probably wondering why I didn't show up before.

346. I know you wanted me to even though you'll never admit it.

347. Normally, I would kill to get in this apartment,

348. and you try and keep me out.

349. I say "try" because at your super bowl party—

350. which I was not invited to—

351. I was lucky enough to be able to watch the second half

352. from right over there.

353. I was the bearded Domino's employee you invited in

354. because I said I was a fan of Jerome Bettis,

355. whoever the hell that is.

356. Anyway, I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come earlier

357. was because of you coming into work drunk.

358. But that's not it.

359. I was scared.

360. I guess after all this time,

361. I still think of you as, like, this superhero

362. that'll help me out of any situation I'm in.

363. I needed that.

364. But that's my problem, and I'll deal with that.

365. I guess I came over here to tell you...

366. How proud of you I am.

367. Not because you did the best you could for those patients...

368. but because after 20 years of being a doctor

369. when things go badly, you still take it this hard.

370. I got to tell you, man. I mean...

371. That's the kind of doctor I wanna be.

372. Maybe he just needed time to heal

373. or maybe he just needed to see how much everybody cared.

374. But I'd like to believe it was because of me

375. that he was finally able to say this.

376. You don't drink scotch.

377. That's awful.

378. I'm glad you finally shaved.

379. That's the thing about family.

380. If you fall off the deep end,

381. you can always count on them to rally around you.

382. When you come back, you might get a quick hug...

383. a pat on the shoulder, maybe just a nod.

384. But no words really need to be spoken.

385. Of course, it's always nice when they are.

386. J.D.

387. - Thank you. - You're welcome.