Scrubs 5x20

Directed by John Michel

Robert Maschio as Todd • Brent Weber as Larry • David Warshofsky as Dave Bradford • Lyn Alicia Henderson as Rebecca • Rachel Avery as Jenny

J.D. asks Dr. Cox out for lunch, but runs into annoying former patient Jill Tracy, who unexpectedly teaches him something about responsibility. Elliot and Carla discover that Todd has been lying about all his hospital "conquests" and suspect that he's been less than truthful about other issues. Turk warns them not to meddle in his affairs.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Todd, what are you doing? - Waiting for my moment.

2. Ok, moving on. It was time for my new daily ritual

3. asking Dr. Cox to lunch.

4. Hey, Dr. Cox, what are you doing for lunch?

5. - Not having it with you, Paula. - Oh. Good luck eating.

6. This is every spoon from the cafeteria.

7. And guess what. Today just happens to be soup and frozen yogurt day.

8. Oh, I'm gonna have tomato and strawberry.

9. Lunch for us, not going to happen.

10. Normally, I'd tell you something harsh right about now

11. like "we're not friends."

12. But then you'll just grin that stupid grin

13. and shake your head back and forth

14. like, "how could that possibly be true?"

15. Because it's ludicrous.

16. Ah, just give me a spoon, will you, please.

17. Oh, for goodness sake.

18. You've called my bluff. And today isn't soup and frozen yogurt today.

19. It's actually salad and smoothie day.

20. I'm still having tomato and strawberry.

21. I'm having a weird pregnancy craving.

22. Hey, J.D, if you go out, would you get me a hot Italian sausage?

23. I got a hot Italian sausage for you right here.

24. People think I just luck into these situations,

25. but it's really a lot of hard work.

26. You know what else is hard? I should go.

27. I think I may vomit.

28. Some doctors like to change into their streets

29. when they go out for lunch, not me.

30. I like how the world reacts to me as a doctor,

31. whether it's a friendly greeting from the world's slowest bagger.

32. - Hey there, Dr. Dorian. - Looking good, pal.

33. Eggs on top, all right? Eggs on top.

34. Or a smile from the manager of the herbal section.

35. Hey, Rebecca, you got that Echinacea for me?

36. Just kidding. You know I think all this stuff is voodoo.

37. Good to see you.

38. Hey, looks like somebody else is sick of that cafeteria stuff.

39. What the hell. Did you follow me here?

40. A friend dropped me off.

41. Eagle!

42. Hey, wanna go splitsies on some deli counter meat loaf?

43. I can't finish a whole serving.

44. I can, but I don't like to. It all goes right here.

45. My God, could this be even more of a nightmare?

46. Guys!

47. Yes, it could be more of a nightmare.

48. Jill Tracy was a former patient who had once tried to kill herself.

49. Sad, yes. But this did not change the fact

50. that she was unbelievably annoying.

51. Oh, my God. What are you doing here?

52. I was supposed to meet a guy for a date.

53. I know what you're thinking.

54. "A Tuesday lunch date at the supermarket. He is so not into her."

55. Well, guess what. He's not.

56. I've been waiting for, like, an hour

57. and just thinking, "how many more guys from my yoga class

58. can totally reject me without me just saying 'enough.'"?

59. Yogurt pretzels. These are addictive.

60. So you guys wanna grab some lunch?

61. - We have to get back to the hospital. - Bummer.

62. Trail mix. Grr-grr! I want some.

63. Newbie, stay. Have lunch.

64. One of those emergencies. I should probably go, too.

65. - How are things? - Mm.

66. You know that's stealing.

67. Oh, come on, Rebecca. Everybody's doing it.

68. I won't tell anyone if you don't.

69. - Security! - Security?

70. We've got a grazer.

71. I don't think there's a security force. Ok. Hey, fellas.

72. Wherever you're taking him, take me, too. Nah. You go ahead.

73. Where's the shaving cream? Is that aisle 2 still?

74. Today was a busy day at sacred heart.

75. We had 3 separate patients waiting for transplants,

76. and we were doing everything we could to keep 'em alive

77. while we could locate donors.

78. There was Mrs. Sykes who needed a new liver.

79. There was Mr. Dennison who needed a new heart valve.

80. And then there was Dr. Cox's guy, Dave Bradford.

81. So now, Davy boy, I promise you we're gonna find you a kidney.

82. I would literally swear on my father's grave.

83. But whenever I go there, I usually just end up dancing on it.

84. And so begins another round of, "who had the worst dad?"

85. One of my pop's nicknames for me was sparky

86. because he liked to light matches off my neck.

87. We've been over this before.

88. You win on account of your father's not dead yet.

89. Most doctors stress with so many people clinging to life.

90. Dr. Cox vibed on it.

91. As I lie in bed each morning and ask myself

92. why I should put both my feet on the floor,

93. there are precious few reasons that I've ever been able to come up with.

94. A chance to escape Jordan's morning breath, sure.

95. Scotch. It's too early to drink it, yes.

96. But, people, it is never too early to think about.

97. And, of course, the ever-present possibility

98. that I might finally happen upon Hugh Jackman

99. and be able to give him the present that I've been holding for him.

100. Bam!

101. Still, the most persuasive argument I've ever been able to come up with

102. is the fact that I get to come here to this hospital every day

103. and help keep people alive.

104. That's ironic 'cause 4 people just died while you were talking.

105. We need to keep these people going until we can find donors.

106. All righty. Barbie, go check on Mrs. Sykes' ammonia level.

107. She is Encephalopathy.

108. Gandhi, review Dennison's chart and get me a consent.

109. Bobbo, get on the horn to your cronies at local hospitals

110. and get me a donor update.

111. Fine. Some of the boys are coming over tonight anyway.

112. I'll bring it up to Morrison

113. while he sets up the projector for the stag flicks.

114. Just the organs, Bob. Don't need the visual of old men with erections.

115. And now it's in my head forever.

116. Sorry. Go step up Davy Bradford's dialysis to take your mind off of it.

117. - Newbie, feel like a sandwich? - I do feel like a sandwich.

118. You feel more like a pastry, a very doughy pastry.

119. I don't feel good about that. Way too easy.

120. I had one objective in my trip to the grocery store

121. pick up everyone's lunch and get out of dodge.

122. Whoa!

123. - J.D. - Hey, Jill.

124. How weird is it that we're both here 2 days in a row?

125. I was thinking there was, like, a 50% chance

126. that the guy who blew me off yesterday just got his days wrong

127. and would be here waiting with roses.

128. - Is that sad? - It's not, not sad.

129. Plus I have the whole day free.

130. My shrink couldn't make our appointment.

131. He found his third wife in bed with his second wife and got so depressed

132. that he downed an entire bottle of his bulimic daughter's Prozac.

133. So now he's back in the hospital.

134. An awesome story, Jill.

135. It's true.

136. Hey. What you do last night?

137. Turk made me watch Anaconda with him.

138. Is that the one with the giant snake?

139. No. This is the one with the giant snake.

140. I was back here for 45 minutes waiting for a setup.

141. My back is killing me, but I nailed it.

142. It's about commitment.

143. How could your intern Lisa sleep with him?

144. She's a tramp with no morals.

145. I never slept with the Todd.

146. Lisa is sweet, and people just don't give her a chance.

147. I wonder who else Todd lied about sleeping with.

148. - I didn't sleep with him. - God, no.

149. Are you kidding me?

150. Todd. Is he the big black security guard with the hook hand?

151. - No. - Then no.

152. Am I ever getting out of here?

153. We haven't found you a kidney yet. But I have some ideas.

154. Yeah. This will do.

155. Ah, what the hell.

156. I can live with one kidney.

157. 'Cause we'll probably just go ahead and sell this one.

158. Stay away from my organs.

159. - Dude, what the hell are you doing? - Having lunch.

160. Cafeteria stinks, and I can't go to the grocery store

161. because apparently crazy Jill Tracy lives there.

162. Every time I try and shop, she follows me around

163. like I'm her only friend in the world. Pathetic.

164. - I'm gonna go talk to Carla. - I'll come, too.

165. I figured.

166. Hey. Why do you think Todd lies about hooking up with all those women?

167. Maybe he's just overcompensating.

168. My brother Barry used to brag about all the girls he was dating

169. right before he quit J.V. Baseball

170. and started dancing for Japanese businessmen.

171. Todd's not gay.

172. Turk, he has leather jeans in 3 different colors.

173. Barry used to dance in leather jeans.

174. He'd come home and they'd be stuffed with yen.

175. I'll tell you when I first suspected he was gay.

176. It was very subtle but...

177. Oh, yeah, Dale, this is totally gonna bring out your pecs.

178. Plus I'm using olive oil so I can lick it off later.

179. Make 'em dance. Oh, they're dancing.

180. Somebody's making them dance.

181. Ooh-whee! Whee!

182. - Tell them that never happened. - It happened. I was there.

183. I think I just got the "move on" signal from a hook.

184. Mm-hmm.

185. Anyway, give me the update here.

186. Bradford's electrolyte and fluid balance are stable.

187. Mr. Dennison isn't looking so good.

188. He's on Max inotropes and still in failure.

189. Mrs. Sykes is fully Encephalopathy.

190. Her ammonium level's through the roof. She's circling the drain.

191. Come on, now. Let's try to keep these people alive.

192. All right.

193. - Dr. Dorian, will you help me? - Sure. What's wrong?

194. She was admitted a short time ago,

195. and she hasn't regained consciousness.

196. Tox screens positive for cocaine.

197. Do you think she could've O.D.'D?

198. She had been stood up on a couple of dates,

199. and, uh, she hadn't seen her shrink in a while.

200. She was definitely depressed.

201. How do you know all that?

202. She told me.

203. In hospitals, there are certain rules.

204. With surgeons, if the overcompensating,

205. pumped-up, shaved-down doctor seems gay.

206. - So you're trying a new workout? - No. Why?

207. Oh, he's glistening.

208. He's probably gay.

209. And with organ transplants,

210. if there's good news for one doctor...

211. People, I've got organs.

212. It probably means bad news for another.

213. You can use her organs.

214. Thank you.

215. Just tell me this. Is there anything anyone could've done?

216. No.

217. Unless you mean me.

218. It's amazing how quickly people improve once they get a new organ,

219. Whether it's Mrs. Sykes with her new liver.

220. Mr. Dennison with his new heart valve.

221. Or Dave.

222. So how's that new kidney feel, huh?

223. A little loose, but I'll get used to it.

224. Yeah, you will.

225. - Hey, thanks for everything, man. - Don't sweat it.

226. All right, people, gather around. Here we go.

227. I'm sure we all recognize just how rare it is to get a win like this.

228. But seeing as we are surrounded by patients who are clinging to life,

229. I'm going to give kudos in whisper form.

230. And since I am an egomaniac, first props come to me.

231. Let me hear it, people.

232. You are some kind of superhero.

233. You are a God.

234. You're a beautiful healer.

235. This was not a complete and total solo effort.

236. It was an extraordinary job done by each and every one of you.

237. - I can't hear a word he's saying. - Be older, Bob.

238. Just because I can't hear your silly-ass whispering

239. doesn't mean I'm old.

240. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go over to my office

241. and tinker with my new computer.

242. - Oh, what kind is it? - It's about 3:30.

243. I heard what he said.

244. People, that joke's a classic.

245. And why are you not giddy with praise like those other people?

246. Don't you know I dole out compliments at most once a year?

247. And like a squirrel, you must gather up these acorns of kind words

248. to sustain you for the upcoming cold, sarcastic months.

249. Any idiot could have seen that Jill was in trouble.

250. I'm supposed to be a doctor, and I'm the reason she's dead.

251. Then he said the words I never expected to hear.

252. Why don't you and I go grab some lunch. That'd be good.

253. Come on.

254. Oh, my god. He looks so sad.

255. I just wanna hold him like a big gay baby.

256. This is incredible.

257. An hour ago, you guys hated him.

258. An hour ago, he wasn't our new gay best friend.

259. Leave the Todd alone, ok?

260. Because every time you two meddle, you know who suffers? Me.

261. Remember when the Janitor took that chiropractic class

262. and you guys wanted to encourage him?

263. Guys, uh, I'm really not comfortable with this.

264. Now, now, you'll be fine.

265. I've already done this on 4 mop heads. All right?

266. Haven't had a complaint yet.

267. - Ok. - Oh!

268. On 3.

269. 1, 2...

270. Aah!

271. Better? Yes?

272. Ah-ha-ha-ha-haa!

273. You're fine. We're doing this.

274. Does this sound fine to you?

275. I can fix that, buddy. On the count of 3.

276. 1, 2...

277. Oh!

278. - Yeah? - No.

279. You owe me $500.

280. Excuse me. Could you spare a few minutes for aids research?

281. Yes, I can. But I'm not sure just how much we'll get done.

282. I'll tell you what. We'll go over here and brainstorm

283. while we wolf down these sandwiches.

284. Newbie, come.

285. Vintage Cox.

286. You know what I was thinking the whole time

287. I was having lunch with Jill?

288. - What's that? - "God, this girl's annoying."

289. I saw her in that supermarket, too, but I'm not torturing myself.

290. - Would you like to know why? - Why?

291. Because she didn't come to the hospital looking for help.

292. We just randomly bumped into her out here in the world.

293. Don't get me wrong.

294. If a guy gets shot or if he has a heart attack

295. and I am physically the closest doctor to him,

296. I will intervene.

297. Shy of that, you can't. You just can't.

298. There's too much to ask of yourself.

299. - Ok. I hear you. - No. You don't.

300. Once you start blaming yourself for deaths that aren't your fault.

301. My friend, that's a slippery slope that you can't come back from.

302. And trust me. I've seen it ruin a hell of a lot of good doctors.

303. And I will not let it happen to you.

304. And because he said that, I knew it wouldn't.

305. Game time. Go.

306. - Todd, do you have a second? - I was actually on my way to the gym.

307. That's kind of what it's about.

308. Whoa. Did something happen to the gym? Don't lie to me.

309. - We know about your... - Situation.

310. You are hiding from yourself.

311. - Stop hiding, Todd. - We accept you.

312. No matter who you love.

313. The Todd's confused.

314. He's our little baby.

315. Well, you were wrong. It went great.

316. At first the Todd was a little emotional,

317. but by the end of it,

318. he was saying how happy he was that he didn't have to live a lie,

319. and then he French-braided my hair,

320. and then he took it out 'cause he said I could not pull it off.

321. Oh, he is so honest.

322. It was great. It was like he changed into a whole new person.

323. God, how awesome is it gonna be

324. not having that inappropriate pig wandering the halls anymore?

325. Hey, Mickhead, is that package for me? You know it is.

326. You ladies must be so proud.

327. - Todd, what are you doing? - I'm getting my gay on.

328. Hey, buddy, you and I should totally have sex sometime.

329. See, I knew this was gonna come back to me.

330. What the hell's going on?

331. Everybody's failing. Mrs. Sykes is indicating peripheral neuropathy

332. and my valve transplant patient is suffering partial complex seizures.

333. How, how you feeling there, Dave?

334. Pretty good. My feet are a little numb.

335. - You hang tight, all right? - Ok.

336. I don't get it. Doesn't make sense.

337. Perry, the autopsy just came in on your donor Jill Tracy.

338. She didn't die of an overdose.

339. And just like that, whatever burden or responsibility I felt was lifted.

340. But like I said before,

341. good news for one person can mean bad news for another.

342. She died of rabies?

343. Ok, people, all of our transplant patients are infected.

344. We now know what we're dealing with here.

345. Let's get involved. We can do this.

346. Todd, you were impressive in surgery today.

347. Thanks, man.

348. You were really impressive in the shower this morning.

349. You know. Dong-wise.

350. - Todd! - What?

351. Stop it.

352. The whole point of coming to grips with your sexuality

353. was to accept yourself and stop being that guy.

354. I'm sorry. This whole change is just scaring me.

355. I'm not sure who I am anymore.

356. - Come here. - Oh, get over here, sweetie.

357. I know. Let it out. We're here for you.

358. Whoa!

359. - What the hell are you doing? - Motor voting.

360. I really got to thank you gals for outing me.

361. Chicks dig gay dudes.

362. Hey, Lisa, I heard you lied and said we didn't do it.

363. Admit it. We doinked.

364. - I was sad because my dad died. - I wasn't.

365. So this whole thing was an act?

366. Oh, my God, I cannot believe

367. that I let you in that fitting room yesterday while I was trying on bras.

368. Eww.

369. That was a very special time for me.

370. - Unbelievable. - He saw the girls.

371. Oh, it's cool if you wanna walk away, ladies,

372. 'cause I love to watch you go.

373. Nothing wrong with those.

374. Nothing wrong with that either. Or that.

375. Or that.

376. Whew.

377. What the hell are you?

378. I'm the Todd.

379. We did all we could over the next few days

380. to keep the transplant patients going, but odds were against us.

381. First we lost Mrs. Sykes.

382. And then Mr. Dennison.

383. And I knew that Dr. Cox needed me

384. in the exact same way that I needed him earlier.

385. - Hey. Hungry? - No.

386. Guess that lunch was kind of a one-time thing, huh?

387. There's no way you could've seen that coming.

388. I mean, Rabies?

389. Come on, there's, like, 3 reported cases a year.

390. In fact, testing for it would have been irresponsible.

391. You would have wasted time those people didn't have.

392. I was...

393. Obsessed with getting those organs.

394. You had to be.

395. The fact is those people were gonna die in a number of hours

396. and you had to make a call.

397. I would have made the same call.

398. - Yeah? - Yes.

399. I got us lunch, and I think we should eat it.

400. Right then I knew I was gonna pull him out of this.

401. But unfortunately, sometimes the hospital picks a day

402. where it's just gonna pile it on.

403. Oh, God. Come on.

404. Fib!

405. Still in V-tach. Clear!

406. Come on. Clear!

407. Oh, come on. Come on. Come on! God! God! God!

408. He wasn't about to die, was he, newbie?

409. Could have waited another month for a kidney.

410. Where are you going? Your shift's not over. Hey!

411. Remember what you told me?

412. The second you start blaming yourself for people's deaths...

413. there's no coming back.

414. Yeah.

415. You're right.