Scrubs 4x8

Directed by Zach Braff

Robert Maschio as Todd • Molly Shannon as Denise Lemmon • Jay Malack as Shinski • Cullen Douglas as Two O'Clock Man • Andrew Friedman as EMT

When Molly takes a job at a different city, she and J.D. end up having a night of kissing, and he tries to rush to sleep with her before she leaves. Dr. Cox goes on ambulance duty with a maniac, who he eventually finds out is a woman who has lost her son to an accident.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Doctor's comin'!

2. What the—

3. Frank, you idiot, your bed's down the hall!

4. I know. I love you.

5. Oh!

6. You ever get the feeling our patients

7. pretend to be sicker when we're around?

8. Oh, yeah. You know Mrs. Wilson back there?

9. She made her spleen pretend to rupture

10. and then she pretended to die. Ha!

11. Got me again there, Mrs. Wilson.

12. You know, Elliot, since I broke your heart,

13. I've held my tongue every time you've been a wiseacre.

14. But now that you've slept with my brother,

15. we're even, so if you bring sarcasm my way, baby,

16. - prepare to be stung. - J.D.--

17. So's your face.

18. That doesn't even make any sense.

19. "So's your face" always makes sense.

20. J.D., that's stupid.

21. So's your face. I'm on fire. Hello!

22. Perry, are you familiar

23. with sacred heart's community service program?

24. Bobby, lately I've noticed you don't listen to a single word people say,

25. so my reply to your question is,

26. I think you're the world's biggest jackass,

27. and I look forward to your death.

28. Well, you must not be familiar with it,

29. because you're the only staff member

30. not to have completed his 24-hour mandatory community service.

31. Consider yourself suspended until you do.

32. Oh, and I'm never dying.

33. Oh!

34. - Crab claw. - Ow!

35. Did you just pinch my arm fat?

36. Yeah. Does it make you mad?

37. I don't know. It was kind of a—

38. - Crab claw. - Ow! What are you doing?

39. I'm moving to Milwaukee for a psychiatric fellowship,

40. and by pinching your arm and making you angry

41. instead of feeling overwhelmed with sadness that I'm leaving.

42. You're leaving?

43. Don't cry. You're gonna make me cry.

44. They're here. Ignite the tractor beam.

45. I should go. That's my 2:00.

46. (choked up) Oh...

47. I can't believe she's leaving.

48. The hospital just lost its second hottest employee.

49. Don't think you can drool all over her

50. just because you ranked me number one.

51. Baby, Nurse Tisdale's number one.

52. You gotta be single to be on the list.

53. You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?

54. Calm down, 12.

55. Yes! Top 20!

56. Look, you guys, we should really do something for Molly,

57. like throw her a party.

58. I don't know, Elliot. Molly and I really aren't that close.

59. (J.D.) Okay. A lot happened between that moment and this one.

60. I should explain.

61. Elliot did end up throwing Molly a good-bye party.

62. This is amazing, Elliot. Thank you.

63. I also had a pinata made to look exactly like you,

64. but I don't know what happened to it.

65. Whoa, it's getting late.

66. Big dog wants some candy.

67. Yes, baby, Molly is attractive, but she doesn't hold a candle

68. to my Puerto Rican Princess.

69. For the last time, Turk, I'm Dominican.

70. My nephew Ryan is so cute. He's 6.

71. (J.D.) I was content to lay low and flirt in the corner.

72. See, the most important thing about hospital get-togethers

73. is to make sure you don't do anything people will be talking about the next day.

74. Wow, look! Flaming shots!

75. he goes for, like, a whole day,

76. that he's grown up. Oh, my god, I love it.

77. Will you excuse me a moment.

78. Aah!

79. Put me out, put me out!

80. All right. Stand back, everyone! I'll handle this!

81. - (whack) - Oh, Doug, why? Aah!

82. Aah!

83. Aah!

84. The sinks were broken! The sinks were broken!

85. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

86. So your nephew's 6, huh? That's a crazy age.

87. Ahh!

88. (J.D.) After the fire marshal closed down the bar,

89. we took the party back to our place.

90. Sorry I'm late. Player had a date.

91. Anybody want some chocolate?

92. (J.D.) Eventually, things wound down.

93. Some people went home...

94. Some just went to bed...

95. Good night.

96. (J.D.) And that's how Molly and I ended up alone on the couch

97. watching that unbelievably romantic scene from Sixteen Candles.

98. The donger needs food.

99. (J.D.) No, no that one. This one.

100. Happy birthday, Samantha.

101. (J.D.) God bless Molly Ringwald...

102. And this Molly.

103. Oh, the hell with it. God bless Mollys everywhere.

104. Dude, now that I've adjusted your fuel valve,

105. your scooter is going to fly.

106. Speaking of things that are fly, I made out with Molly last night.

107. I know that was kind of a lame segue, but I've been with you all morning

108. and you've yet to use the words "make" or "out."

109. I hope it doesn't bother you.

110. Nah. How was it?

111. Weird. His tongue was freezing.

112. I gave her the old "ice tongue."

113. It's easy to do. You just have to be really smooth.

114. He kept running to the kitchen to put ice on his tongue.

115. Uhh! I always hated "ice tongue."

116. And sometimes his lips seem so greasy.

117. I'm telling you, Turk. Olive oil.

118. Dude, just because it's good on salad

119. doesn't mean it's good on your lips.

120. I wuv your widdle outfit.

121. Listen, you. Riding in an ambulance

122. takes care of my community service, so I'm doing 2 shifts back-to-back.

123. I'm gonna knock this whole thing out in a single day.

124. - Besides, how bad can it be? - (ambulance beeps)

125. Howdy, partner. Name's Denise Lemon.

126. Looks like we got ourselves a little ambu-date.

127. That's ambulance and date put together.

128. I got a million of those. Ha ha ha!

129. - I am loving this. - Oh!

130. Hey, hon, before you hop in there, could you do me a little favor-Rooney

131. and check the windshield wiper.

132. I think I got something caught up there. Yeah.

133. No problem. I got it.

134. Ha ha ha! I always get the newbies with that one.

135. Ha ha ha! Got you! You know it.

136. When they strap me in the chair,

137. please let them know the murder was just.

138. Hey, Elliot, I was making out some prescription orders,

139. and speaking of making out—

140. she already told me, J.D.

141. Oh, damn. I was afraid that was gonna get out.

142. Does anybody else know that I totally made out with Molly?

143. Up here.

144. Now that you made out with my best friend,

145. that makes us not even again,

146. so go get me some cotton balls and a toe separator.

147. Mama needs a pedicure. Heh!

148. Elliot, once you're even, you can't just go back to being not even.

149. That ain't new, girl.

150. Admit we're not even, or I'll make you pay.

151. Heh! Yeah. Now that we're friends

152. and there's no chance of us ever having sex again,

153. there's really not a whole lot I "need" from you, okay?

154. So go ahead and give it your best shot.

155. Andale, Juan!

156. Yeah. I'm not a big car-singing kind of guy.

157. Aw, "bad case of loving you," Per.

158. Come on, where's the fun?

159. You know, you don't get this kind of rush at a normal job.

160. You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't. You know what I'm saying?

161. - You're saying you don't. - Well, Per, sometimes you do.

162. Are you looking at my boy Davey?

163. He's 10 there. He'll always be that age to me.

164. I can't take my eyes off of him.

165. I don't blame you. He's gorgeous. He looks just like his mama.

166. I'm kidding. Ha ha ha!

167. I wish we had more time together. I do.

168. Well, you wouldn't believe, when we started school,

169. the first day, he cried, the second day, I cried,

170. the third day, we both cried, not 'cause of school—

171. 'cause we had a go-cart accident.

172. I think that's how my nose got bent.

173. Who knows? Nose knows.

174. I love words. Don't you love words?

175. I like "strangle."

176. There she is. Thanks, Juan.

177. Hey, Molly, it's your last night. You want to grab a beer or something?

178. J.D., I have to tell you something.

179. Oh, no. Did someone you know die from beer?

180. No one can die from beer.

181. Hey, yo, J.D., toss me a beer, man.

182. Coming' at you, Shinski.

183. - Aah! - Oh!

184. Aah!

185. People can die from beer, Molly.

186. Shinski didn't, but our friendship did.

187. J.D., you just don't have that edgy, mean streak that I'm attracted to.

188. - Oh! - (crash)

189. You were saying?

190. Dude, what the hell?

191. - (whispers) - Oh, that's what's up?

192. Go about your business.

193. Look, I'm sorry, but I'm attracted to damaged, dysfunctional people,

194. and you're just too normal.

195. (J.D.) Sometimes all it takes is a slammin' hottie

196. to make you dig down deep and discover who you really are.

197. My emotional journey began at 5 years old,

198. when I walked in on my parents having sex

199. in a position my father would later playfully describe as "the jackhammer."

200. I have a mentor that verbally abuses me every chance he gets,

201. and no matter how much I try, I can't stop constantly narrating my own life.

202. (J.D.) At that very moment, I feared I had divulged too much.

203. Molly, I'm narcissistic, I'm pessimistic,

204. I'm obsessive, I'm insecure,

205. and I am so afraid of intimacy

206. that every one of my relationships is a journey of self-sabotage

207. that inevitably ends in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair.

208. Wow.

209. Boy, I tell you what there, Jordan.

210. I'm sure glad that shift is—

211. Perry! I was just telling Jordan here

212. about that sneezing attack that I had this morning.

213. Was it 14 or 15 sneezes?

214. Yes, Perry. Was it 14 or 15 sneezes?

215. What are you doing here, Denise?

216. Well, I heard that you were doing back-to-back shifts,

217. so I pulled a couple of strings so that we could get the old band back together.

218. Perry, you've always wanted to be in a band.

219. Get out of town! I just came up with that band thing.

220. Get out of town, Perry!

221. Heh!

222. Well... Laissez les bontemps roulez.

223. Let the good times roll.

224. See, that's what they say in New Orleans, the big easy.

225. You know, that was my nickname in high school—New Orleans.

226. No, I'm kidding. It was "the big easy."

227. I was a huge slut. I was. I did everybody.

228. It's much better without the icy tongue.

229. I'll remember that.

230. (J.D.) Why would she lie?

231. Should we get out of here?

232. You think you can handle it?

233. No. But you won't know until after.

234. You just need to clear it with one person first.

235. Just tell me who.

236. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha—no.

237. Oh, what's the matter, J.D.? Freezer got your tongue?

238. That doesn't even make any sense.

239. So's your face.

240. (J.D.) Damn it! Walked into that one.

241. The key here is to not seem desperate.

242. Please, Elliot. Please let me have sex. She's leaving tomorrow.

243. It's simple, J.D. I'll give you the okay

244. if you just admit we're not even.

245. I am sorry, but that is one thing that will never happen.

246. - Fine. We're not even. - Thank you.

247. But Molly just left. You have to call her at home.

248. I'm not gonna do that.

249. But I'll write you a note.

250. "J.D. may fornicate with anyone."

251. Okay, Sasha. Let's see what your new engine can do.

252. So little Jack's a baseball fan, eh?

253. He's 2, and he can't talk yet.

254. You know what you should do? You should get him some baseball cards.

255. I got my son Davey a Ken Griffey Jr. card.

256. He carries it with him wherever he goes.

257. Never liked the gum, though.

258. Gum's a weird word, isn't it?

259. You know, you ever notice, some words you say them enough,

260. they don't even sound like words anymore.

261. Gum, gum, gum, guhhhh!

262. Gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, guhhhm!

263. Oh, happy day. She's blown a fuse.

264. Gum, gum, gum. Gum!

265. I swear to god, Jordan, I can't do it again.

266. Perry, it's just one more shift.

267. Just tune her out and she'll eventually leave you alone.

268. Consider it done.

269. Gum!

270. - Aah! - Aah!

271. Relax. At most, you have a minor concussion.

272. Now I just want to check your pupils, okay?

273. Doug, that's for...

274. - Ears. - Ears.

275. Right. I'm not stupid.

276. Where are my clothes?

277. I sent them to the dry cleaners.

278. Oh, Doug!

279. You responsible for this head blood?

280. Look, here's the bottom line.

281. I am currently in possession of a note that would give me permission to have sex

282. with a very beautiful woman,

283. but I have no way of getting to her apartment.

284. Then what are we waiting for?

285. Get in.

286. Come on! Let's go, go, go, go, go!

287. What are you doing?

288. It's been 4 years!

289. How do you not get how this works? Ha ha!

290. - Hello. - (J.D.) Turk, it's me.

291. Hang on. I'm doing my diabetes test.

292. - (monitor beeps) - 98. Is that a good number?

293. Yes, it's good. You surgeons are idiots!

294. Oh, I'm the idiot, huh? Well, guess what you were wrong about.

295. (whispers) Carla's Dominican!

296. All right, come on up, Per!

297. Let's get this show on the road!

298. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and hang out back here,

299. just kind of get acclimated with this area.

300. Oh, okay.

301. Hey, funny tidbit—

302. Sorry there, De, can't really hear you back here.

303. Oh. Message received.

304. (Denise, via squawk box) Hey, can you hear me now?

305. Uhh!

306. Hey, it's like that commercial— can you hear me now?

307. See, now, the only downside is that I can't hear you,

308. so I guess I'll just have to talk for both of us.

309. So, back to that tidbit. Now, that's a funny word.

310. See, I know what a bit is, but what's a tid?

311. Tid... ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, tid.

312. Tid, tid, tid, tid...

313. J.D., we're over here!

314. (J.D.) Coming!

315. I don't understand what the big deal is. It's just sex.

316. It's not just sex. It's sex with Molly.

317. Any guy would kill to have sex with Molly.

318. Hell, I'd kill to have sex with Molly.

319. - That's it. - (engine starts)

320. Sorry, dude.

321. Where were you?

322. I was treed by a coyote.

323. Got your phone?

324. He took it.

325. What now?

326. I can't run in this gown. It's too loose.

327. I can't run in these jeans. They're too constricting.

328. Yeah. This is much better.

329. I agree, but my legs are cramping.

330. You spent too much time crouching in that tree, didn't you?

331. I was kneeling on a nest.

332. Just think of Molly, man.

333. J.D., where are you?

334. J.D., hurry.

335. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

336. It's okay.

337. Hey, Per, I just saw an adorable interracial gay couple.

338. Just precious.

339. Look, enough with the squawk box, all right?

340. And just keep your eye on the road. What do you say?

341. All right. No more squawk box, but Per,

342. don't sweat the roads. I know 'em like the back of my hand.

343. (Denise, via squawk box) Oh, Per, I think I'm hurt.

344. Not badly hurt. Just a tidbit.

345. Ouch.

346. Elliot, you gotta help me. We're in front of Molly's apartment,

347. but her name isn't listed anymore.

348. It's either 4-G or 5-G.

349. J.D., this is ridiculous. It's 4:00 in the morning.

350. Even if you catch her, she's leaving for the airport in, like, 10 minutes.

351. That's perfect! That'll leave us 5 minutes to cuddle.

352. Hi, is Molly here?

353. (Dr. Kelso) It's not my wife, is it, Debbie?

354. Dorian, Turkelton.

355. If you come in, you have to take your shoes off.

356. Sorry. Wrong apartment.

357. Konnichi-wa.

358. Dude, she's outside. She's about to get in a cab.

359. Oh, my god. I'll never get down there before she leaves.

360. This is the worst moment of my life.

361. Or is it the greatest moment of your life?

362. You're right. Give me that gown.

363. (Turk) Go get her, buddy!

364. (J.D.) Hey, this isn't that scary.

365. Uh-oh. Eeeeeh!

366. Molly?

367. Hey!

368. Sorry about your collar bone. Say, I've got a community service form here.

369. Would you sign it for me?

370. - Sure thing, Per. - Ah.

371. So, are you gonna come by and visit me later?

372. Denise, that's not very likely, and here's why...

373. All you do is talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,

374. and when you're not talking, I'm betting you're thinking about talking.

375. I mean, can I ask you a personal question?

376. Have you ever had a thought that you didn't immediately verbalize?

377. Well, I don't know. That's a tough one, Per.

378. Uh-huh.

379. Oh, look, the window's open again. You can see the moon!

380. Oh, my god.

381. What happened in your life that made you so needy

382. that you've got to fill every waking second by babbling on.

383. Fine, don't visit. My son will come.

384. And now we are right back on your son again.

385. I'll be honest with you. I'm worried

386. that I'm not going to be able to get your voice out of my head.

387. It is a very real concern.

388. Hey, did you leave anything in the ambulance?

389. Only my will to live. Why?

390. Then I guess this is your partner's.

391. (Denise) See now, I got my son Davey a Ken Griffey Jr. card.

392. He carries it with him wherever he goes.

393. He's 10 there. He'll always be that age to me.

394. I wish I had more time with him, though.

395. What happened to your son, Denise?

396. He died in an accident.

397. The paramedics were amazing, though.

398. That's actually the reason I became one.

399. I really miss him, you know?

400. Thanks a lot.

401. Molly, I think you should stay.

402. I'm off today. We'll have an amazing time.

403. - You can leave tomorrow. - I'm not sure that's a good idea.

404. Well, maybe this will change your mind.

405. Uhh!

406. How's it going?

407. Pretty well. Nice landing.

408. Thanks.

409. J.D., I think this note's for you.

410. (J.D.) I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

411. Take care.

412. Nooooooooooooooooo!

413. (J.D.) Of course, it doesn't help if your friend is a diabolical genius.

414. Still, when you come across a person

415. who's lost something that really matters,

416. you have to answer the call.

417. Oh, he's just such a cutie pie. Look at that.

418. Have you ever had cutie pie, Perry?

419. - No, of course not. - I like it a la mode. I'm kidding.

420. I know it's not really pie,

421. but I'll tell you, if it was really pie,

422. I would eat it up, I'd gobble it up.

423. I love pie! Oh, my god! It's my favorite!