Scrubs 4x6

Directed by Henry Chan

Sam Lloyd as Ted Buckland • Femi Emiola as Young Woman • Chuck Woolery as Chuck Woolery • Ross Mackenzie as Patient • Heather Graham as Dr. Molly Clock

When Dan resurfaces, J.D. is shocked to learn his father has passed away. The reactions from his co-workers help J.D. a little, but the one person, Dr. Cox, who he wanted to be there for him is too busy with J.D.'s patients. Meanwhile, Dan sits drunk in the bath tub the whole day and Turk finds out he has Type II Diabetes.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. (J.D.) Working at sacred heart,

2. you grow accustomed to a lot of things:

3. Sickness, death, Ted's morning self-affirmation ritual.

4. People are laughing with you.

5. People are laughing with you.

6. People are laughing... With you.

7. (J.D.) One thing Turk couldn't get accustomed to

8. was his wife being friends with a psychiatrist.

9. Babe, what do you want for lunch today?

10. (softly) Please, honey, not in front of her.

11. Turk, why are you not comfortable around me?

12. You have the ability to get in people's heads.

13. And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that,

14. but that makes you a devil woman.

15. Please. I mean, who could imagine what it's like in your head?

16. (J.D.) I'll take this one.

17. Hey. Welcome to Turk's head.

18. You look really hot.

19. Wait a second. You're not a lesbian.

20. (sighs) I am in here.

21. Yeah, me, too.

22. Dammit!

23. Molly, you're a shrink.

24. Why is it my daydreams always end

25. right before the really sexy part?

26. I don't know. Maybe we should work on that...

27. Together.

28. Dammit!

29. (Turk) Dude. Relax...

30. And enjoy hot chocolate love.

31. (J.D.) Snap out of it! Abort! Abort!

32. Stop it! I don't have gay jungle fever!

33. - Okay, we should go. - Yeah.

34. Hey, uh, Mr. Garcia's family's here.

35. Fantastic.

36. (J.D.) Telling a family their loved one has died is never easy.

37. That's why doctors have a variety of techniques

38. for breaking the news.

39. There's the hand on shoulder.

40. There's hand on hand.

41. Aaahh!

42. And, of course, the always popular resident kabuki theater.

43. Ohh! Yeekk!

44. Hyuukk!

45. (softly) I'm sorry for your loss.

46. (J.D.) As for my family,

47. we had our own way of breaking the news.

48. Hey, little brother.

49. (J.D.) We did it with cake.

50. - What happened? - What, a guy can't take 3 days off work,

51. travel 800 miles on a bus with a double-layer fudge cake

52. just to say, "hey, how are things"?

53. Dan.

54. Dad died.

55. There's ice cream in the fridge.

56. Hey.

57. Hey. You guys are back.

58. Sorry I had to blow out of there after the funeral,

59. but how was the rest of the week?

60. It was all right. We spent most of the time

61. dealing with the headstone problem.

62. See, since dad was an office supplies salesman,

63. he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.

64. So?

65. So it looked like a giant marble penis,

66. which, I maintain, dad would've liked even more.

67. How you doin', buddy?

68. I don't know.

69. It hasn't really hit me yet.

70. It will eventually, but don't worry.

71. When it does, big bro will be there.

72. (chortles) Ha ha! He's—

73. What? What is it?

74. Dan, I love you, but being there

75. for people isn't really your thing.

76. No, that was the old Dan.

77. Look at me. This is the new Dan.

78. I'm totally here for you.

79. Dan, you've been in here for, like, 9 hours.

80. Are you okay?

81. I'd feel a lot better if you could give

82. that ol' "h" knob there a little twist.

83. Body temp's a bit low.

84. Now I can feel my tootsies.

85. So, what do you think of the new convertible, Ted?

86. Why don't I have one of these?

87. Well, howdy, Dr. Kelso.

88. Ain't she a beaut? I rented 'er

89. so's I could repair the air conditioning unit.

90. Looks expensive. Who authorized this?

91. Why, you did, sir. Must've been Tuesday last.

92. Stop talkin' like a farmer.

93. I did no such thing!

94. Now, I'm not sure how one would go about

95. making a janitor's life even more miserable,

96. - but what say we start by docking your pay - (Ted gasps)

97. For the cost of this monstrosity?

98. Oh, god!

99. It won't smooth down!

100. (muttering) It's nice to meet you, too, Chuck.

101. Oh. He's having one of his Love Connection dreams.

102. - You sure? - Mm-hmm.

103. I'd love to go out with her again if you'll pay for it.

104. - Lovey. - Huh? What?

105. We've been looking all over for you.

106. Why? What did I miss?

107. - Whoo! - Eee!

108. Bye, Carla. Sorry I didn't get to meet your husband.

109. Oh, I know. Mr. Woolery, what've you been doing

110. since The Love Connection was canceled?

111. Love Connection was never canceled.

112. It's just not on TV anymore.

113. I still do the occasional episode

114. in my basement with singles from the neighborhood.

115. I'm not crazy.

116. No. Ha ha ha!

117. Aw, stupid nap!

118. I've been a little sleepy these last couple of weeks.

119. And I've dropped a few pounds. I don't know. I think I got the flu, baby.

120. - No! - Yeah.

121. You're not allowed to get sick. You're my Superman.

122. I mean... If you're in bed,

123. who's gonna give me my back rubs or...

124. Unscrew the peanut butter jar, or...

125. Walk around all day in my new high heels

126. just to stretch them out?

127. She's kidding. I've never done that.

128. (softly) Not in front of the devil woman.

129. - I got a new pair of pumps. - No.

130. (J.D.) Whenever someone close to you dies,

131. it's important to keep your head above water.

132. - (loud burbling) - Dan!

133. I'm up!

134. You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.

135. Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either.

136. You have dad's butt.

137. You think you'll get out of the tub today?

138. Yeah, today doesn't look good. By the way,

139. - could you get me another beer? - Now, look, I put a 6-pack

140. for you in the toilet.

141. Ooh!

142. I gotta go to work.

143. Okay, little brother. Call me if you need... Anything.

144. I mean, anything from this particular area. Ooh.

145. Hello, my old friend.

146. Success.

147. Ahh.

148. Look, Mr. Cannon, let's drop the forgetful act!

149. Now, if you don't sign these papers,

150. this hospital will discharge you,

151. and then we'll see what you do and do not remember!

152. The man has Alzheimer's, bozo.

153. It still won't smooth down!

154. He's not a day over 55, and he has Alzheimer's.

155. Really makes you think, doesn't it?

156. You're over 55, aren't you, sir?

157. What's your point?

158. Nothin'.

159. (J.D.) Even though I deal with death

160. every time I walk into this place,

161. I'd never dealt with it from this side before.

162. It's full of surprises, whether it's a small gesture from a co-worker...

163. Or a big gesture from someone you've never even met before.

164. Walk tall, kiddo.

165. (J.D.) Of course, sometimes it's a little awkward,

166. even with an old friend.

167. (sadly) Hey.

168. Hey.

169. - I just wanted to— - Yeah.

170. - Look— - Thanks.

171. - Okay. - Okay.

172. Say, Barbie, for a second there,

173. I thought you were being a little cold,

174. but then you really saved it with the...

175. (fakes a sob) "'K."

176. What are you gonna do, hide from him all day and then call him "ginger"?

177. No. It's Monday, which, of course, means it's ethnic day,

178. so I'll be going with Rosalita. And besides, I have a plan.

179. Which is?

180. Yeah, well, unfortunately,

181. the first part of the plan is not shared

182. with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?

183. Sure.

184. No, I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.

185. Baby, look at you.

186. Please go see our doctor.

187. I hate Dr. Kim.

188. He always makes me take my pants off,

189. even that time I went in for pink eye.

190. I gotta pee.

191. Don't you think it's weird you've already gone 7 times today?

192. I think it's weird you're counting.

193. It's impossible to get a doctor to go see a doctor.

194. I'm on it.

195. Excuse me.

196. Did somebody say they're lookin'

197. for the baddest detective in town?

198. Awesome afro.

199. I'm sorry to barge in on you,

200. but I'm a little rusty on the medicine side,

201. and I was wondering if you could help me.

202. See, I have this patient—

203. constantly tired, always peeing, losing weight.

204. Oh, you should have him checked out. He might have diabetes.

205. Ohhh.

206. The good news is that it's type 2 diabetes.

207. It's still serious, but it's totally manageable.

208. Devil woman gave me diabetes.

209. - How you holdin' up, Bambi? - I'm okay.

210. You have my charts?

211. Oh, didn't anyone tell you?

212. They switched your shift. You're off today.

213. Okay.

214. He bought it.

215. Great. Great, great, great, great.

216. I took all his patients,

217. and I threatened every single one of his residents

218. under penalty of death not to page him.

219. One last thing left to do.

220. What is this?

221. It's your basic homemade anti-drowning device

222. to be worn till your brother returns.

223. I like it.

224. Oh, boy.

225. Tryin' to cut back.

226. Where the hell is my car?

227. I parked it right there. I know where I parked it.

228. For god's sake, am I losin' my mind?

229. What the hell?

230. Tommy! Take me up! He's comin' back!

231. Hey, you want a beer?

232. Absotively.

233. Bath water.

234. Backwash.

235. Mmm. There you go.

236. Oh, thank you.

237. Hey, Dan, if dad were here right now, what would you say to him?

238. I think he'd be glad to hear that.

239. (J.D.) Maybe it was because I finally slowed down.

240. Maybe it was remembering dad's passion for bodily functions.

241. I don't know. But at that moment,

242. it all hit me.

243. Unfortunately, I'm not sure Dan's the guy to talk about it with.

244. Slow down there, duck.

245. Some ducks can't hold their water. (chuckles)

246. It's okay. (sniffles) I know.

247. (J.D.) There's a lot in life that can let you down.

248. It can be your mind...

249. Or your body.

250. Call me if you have any questions.

251. I'm here for my ear infection.

252. Go in and take your pants off.

253. So, what'd he say?

254. Oh, it's the flu, like I said.

255. (J.D.) Luckily for me, I had someone to lean on.

256. Hey, Dr. Cox, can I talk to you for a second?

257. - Uh, nope. - Really?

258. Not even, like, just 2 seconds to talk to me?

259. Look, newbie— oh, for god's sake.

260. I'm a little swamped here. Thank you.

261. You know what sucks? I actually thought

262. you were gonna come through for me this time.

263. In a minute. Hey, newbie,

264. just in case you didn't actually notice,

265. I have been covering all your patients,

266. answering all your pages, and pretty much doing everything

267. shy of picking up your sundress from the dry cleaners.

268. Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?

269. Outstanding! You're walkin' away

270. like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo!

271. (chuckling) Bravo, huh?

272. What are we clappin' for?

273. His dad just died.

274. (softly) Dammit.

275. Hah! Pfft!

276. Why are you still antagonizing him?

277. I don't know. I can't stop.

278. I'm warning you. You'd better come through for him.

279. What do you want me to do, anyway?

280. Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug.

281. Barbie, you've met me before. Yes?

282. Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year.

283. And 9 months ago, I hugged my son,

284. so you're gonna have to do it.

285. Um, you saw us before? It's still awkward from the breakup.

286. H-Hold the phone. Are you suggesting

287. that if I sleep with him

288. that I won't have to deal with problems like this?

289. Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit.

290. I mean, honestly, what is he like in post-game?

291. Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon. I'm not a spooner.

292. Well, it took a whole tube of gel,

293. but I finally got my hair down.

294. No one male or female ever cared, Ted.

295. Where the hell are my reading glasses?

296. I'll tell you, the last few days,

297. I'm beginning to feel the old noodle is really letting me down.

298. (Kelso) Well, I'm sure I'm just making

299. mountains out of molehills.

300. Don't you think, Ted?

301. Ted?

302. Hey, wonderbra.

303. Do you, uh— do you have a second?

304. For what?

305. I'm giving you a hug.

306. (Ted) Aaaah!

307. Oh. I was wonderin' what that crane was for.

308. So, now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down?

309. Do you want to remain seated? Would you like to stand? I, of course,

310. don't care as long as it's under 3 seconds

311. and I don't feel your breath on my neck.

312. So now you're making fun of me

313. because I need a little help getting through this.

314. No, I'm— I'm really trying.

315. You know what? I am sick of getting dumped on,

316. and I am sick of you.

317. (chuckles) Oh, newbie, don't shove me.

318. Oh, really? Why not?

319. Because whenever anybody shoves me

320. more than twice, my mind goes blank

321. and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury.

322. When someone shoves you like this?

323. So? How'd it go?

324. Punched him in the face.

325. You want me to kick his ass?

326. No need. I already got him back and then some.

327. On the window, huh?

328. - Uh, yeah! - Ooh.

329. Here we go.

330. Oh, god. Who died?

331. No. It's for Turk.

332. Mm-wah! I'll get you some milk?

333. Yeah!

334. What's the occasion?

335. (softly) I have type 2 diabetes.

336. Really?

337. - Yeah. - That sucks.

338. Carla is aware if you eat that,

339. your foot will fall off. Right?

340. Oh, I haven't told her yet.

341. But I'm pretty sure she knows because right now

342. she's trying to get me to 'fess up

343. by tempting her chocolately goodness with chocolately goodness.

344. Babe, do you want some hot fudge sugar sauce?

345. Oh, hell, yeah!

346. - Why haven't you told her? - I'm not sure.

347. Can I tell you something weird, though?

348. You can tell me anything.

349. I feel like your dad dying has stolen my diabetes' thunder.

350. Oh, my god! Just this second I was thinking

351. your diabetes is gonna get in the way of my dad dying.

352. Ha ha! Isn't that funny?

353. Ha ha ha! Cool!

354. (Dan) I smell cake.

355. If uncle Bertie died,

356. someone's gonna have to go on a beer run.

357. Aah!

358. Thanks again for inviting me to your house for dinner.

359. I did?

360. Yes, sir, you did.

361. Aww!

362. Hey, where's your brother?

363. J.D.!

364. He's not here.

365. - Look, Dan— - It's Captain Bubblebeard.

366. Avast, Matey! Shut your scupper and Bury your steel!

367. We should be seen—aah!

368. Now you're Dan again.

369. Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we?

370. He's got me, an emotionally crippled narcissist,

371. and he's got you, an emotionally crippled narcissist

372. who's soaking in a tub of what by now

373. has to be mostly your own urine.

374. I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.

375. And I have got to believe

376. that the two of us together, together, Dan,

377. we can make it at least halfway

378. to one legitimate adult.

379. You're right, Coxie.

380. Damn it, Coxsmith, cry-baby time is over.

381. The kid needs us and he needs us now, right?

382. - Towel. - Thank you. Let's rock 'n' roll.

383. Aah!

384. I must have lost some muscle mass in my legs.

385. Fantastic.

386. I want to apologize to you

387. for that whole "devil woman" thing.

388. I promise you I will never call you that again.

389. It's okay. I mean, I can understand

390. why you're uncomfortable around me.

391. I sometimes do see everyone as a patient.

392. You know, surgeons do that, too.

393. Come on, let's see who's better at it.

394. Hip replacement.

395. - Alcoholic. That was easy. - Yeah.

396. Quadruple bypass, 2 on me!

397. Constantly trying to validate herself

398. so she'll sleep with anyone.

399. Hey, Turk.

400. What's up, Charice? All right?

401. Uh, that was before Carla.

402. So what about me?

403. Come on, you know you want to.

404. Well, Carla calls you her Superman, and you love that.

405. But the diabetes makes you feel vulnerable,

406. and you're afraid if you're open to her about it,

407. then you won't be her Superman anymore.

408. Yeah.

409. Devil woman.

410. Sorry.

411. Oh, my god. I'm sorry about the "wash me" thing!

412. Put that on.

413. Dan? You were out with him?

414. I thought you dissolved.

415. We decided this is the only way to do this

416. without feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

417. Drink.

418. Now talk.

419. What do you want me to talk about?

420. The pros and cons of blitzing a weak side corner

421. when you're in third and long situations?

422. (J.D.) Thank you, Football for Dummies.

423. I gotta tell you, little brother.

424. You were always the apple of dad's eye.

425. You know, that's the worst thing about college football.

426. The male cheerleaders— oh, god, that's a chick.

427. You know, when my father died,

428. all I could focus on was how much he was never there,

429. but you, you're lucky.

430. You got some positive stuff you can dwell on.

431. Throw the ball, you jackass.

432. He is a jackass.

433. I mean, I met your father.

434. I remember like it was yesterday.

435. After about 2 seconds, I could tell how proud he was of you.

436. (J.D.) And then I heard something

437. I never thought I'd hear.

438. Truth be told there, newbie...

439. I'm proud of you.

440. Me, too.

441. (J.D.) It's amazing how a few simple words can change everything.

442. Whether it's an apology...

443. I'm sorry I came down so hard on you.

444. I've been a bit forgetful lately.

445. I suppose it's possible that I could've told you

446. you could rent that crane.

447. Sir...

448. Apology accepted.

449. Whoa! Hey! Tommy, what are you doing?

450. Uh, Tommy's been let go.

451. Have a nice weekend.

452. You, too, sir.

453. (J.D.) Or an admission.

454. Baby, I've got diabetes.

455. Oh, no, Turk, really?

456. Carla—

457. I call this Turk's diabetes box.

458. Here is a recipe for sugar-free brownies.

459. Mm-mmm! Okay, here's a bunch of articles

460. I downloaded off of the inter—

461. Thank you.

462. You're welcome.

463. (J.D.) Of course, sometimes it's not about the words.

464. It's just about having someone there to listen.

465. And it's our dad, and he's ranting and raving

466. because he's an office supply salesman

467. and he can't find a paper clip in the entire house.

468. Meanwhile, he gets to work the next morning,

469. realizes he's got a million of them in the trunk of his car.

470. The trunk is filled with boxes of them.

471. Here's to your dad.