Scrubs 4x11

Directed by Matthew Perry

John Bennett Perry as Harrison • Matthew Perry as Murray • Timothy Davis-Reed as Interviewer • Masi Oka as Franklyn • David Pressman as Mickey

J.D. takes matters into his own hands, when searching for a relative for his favorite patient. Meanwhile, Elliot is fed up with coworkers not taking her serious and discovers, that she can get her way by flaunting her femininity with some help from Carla and Jordan.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. (J.D.) Life in a hospital is never boring.

2. What the hell are you guys doing?

3. Practicing our slow motion run.

4. Makes everything seem more dramatic.

5. You're doctors. Doctors!

6. Baby.

7. Go get her, Turk.

8. (in slow motion) Waaiiitt.

9. Oh, he's slow.

10. (J.D.) Time to go see my favorite patient, Mr. Gregory Marks.

11. He may need a new kidney,

12. but he sure as hell doesn't need a new heart.

13. Hey, I bought you a present.

14. Oh, my God. A journal!

15. Well, you seem like the kind of sensitive young buck

16. that likes to chronicle his feelings.

17. (J.D.) I can't wait to chronicle this one. Oh, God.

18. I gotta tell you, Mr. Marks,

19. even though I know you'd never take it,

20. I'd give you one of my kidneys in a second.

21. Oh, no, I would definitely take it. I would take it with my bare hands.

22. Awesome.

23. Well, let me check your chart and see if we're a match.

24. (J.D.) Please don't be a match! Please don't be a match!

25. Blood type O. Not a match. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

26. I'm so sorry.

27. Do you have chocolate cake today?

28. Nope.

29. Well, isn't that just the pickle

30. on the giant crap sandwich that is my day.

31. Elliot, relax. I never get chocolate cake.

32. Oh, right. 'Cause you're diabetic.

33. Boo-hoo. You know what, Turk?

34. If you want sympathy, get a disease people can see.

35. Wow.

36. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

37. I'm just having the worst day.

38. It's no biggie.

39. Forgive and forget, right? Ha ha ha.

40. Please get her.

41. I've been kicking ass lately,

42. but this place is such a boys' club,

43. I still can't even get X-Rays or lab tests back on time.

44. Hey, Elliot, if you're desperate to get things done,

45. you could always do what Jordan does.

46. Could you move my car out of the sun?

47. If the seat gets too hot, my thighs get all pink and sweaty.

48. Yeah. Bye-bye, security guard.

49. Very classy.

50. Don't judge me, stick.

51. You do what you have to do to level the playing field.

52. Well, Carla and I would never behave that way.

53. Thank you.

54. How'd you get chocolate cake? He said they didn't have any.

55. Oh, I just did like this and said, (sexy voice) "Got cake?"

56. This is ridiculous.

57. You don't just get cake by going like this—

58. Hello, Heather.

59. You'll never guess what I found on the computer.

60. Was it a set of adult male shoulders?

61. They had to trim them to get me out of that well.

62. - Oh, right. - Anyway, you know Mr. Marks?

63. He said he doesn't have any family to be a kidney donor,

64. but he's got a son. I gotta find this guy.

65. Look, newbie, there are times

66. a man wants to keep something to himself, like, say, he's got a son,

67. or he's 29 years old and keeps a journal

68. with a unicorn drawn on the cover.

69. Uh, that's a horse with a sword on his head,

70. and he's there to guard my hopes and dreams.

71. Come on. If the guy didn't tell you about his son,

72. I'm sure he had a pretty good reason.

73. You know, you always do this. You get too involved in patients' lives.

74. And just exactly how does that usually work out for you?

75. Eventually, someone's gonna miss me, Jerry.

76. Oh, God, no.

77. - He made me watch Everwood. - Yeah, yeah.

78. Look, Claudia, just promise me

79. you won't get too involved with your patient, ok?

80. (J.D.) After getting more involved,

81. I found out Mr. Marks' son was an air-traffic controller

82. at a small private airport.

83. - Come on. I don't want— - Relax, would you? Relax.

84. I'm gonna put her on the speakerphone.

85. If you don't like the sound of her voice, she's history.

86. I'll tell you something about wings, they really got it right.

87. Excuse me. Are you Murray Marks?

88. I'm busy.

89. You don't look busy.

90. (Man, on intercom) Tower, this is flight 117.

91. We've lost an engine.

92. Yeah, you're right. I'm not busy.

93. - You can take that. - No, no, no. Let's talk.

94. (Man, on intercom) Oh, God! We've lost the other engine.

95. - Take it! Take it! - Ok.

96. Pull up, 117. Pull up.

97. Hello? (static)

98. Hello? (static)

99. We lost 'em.

100. So what was your thing?

101. Shouldn't you call the fire department or something?

102. Nah, nah. That was just Mickey fooling around.

103. Hey.

104. This is a tiny airport.

105. We get, like, one airplane a day.

106. Eeehhhhh.

107. I'm a pretty airplane. Board me.

108. Eeehhhhh.

109. He's a little off.

110. He smells like fuel.

111. He's an airplane.

112. I'm not quite sure I'm getting this.

113. Oh, what's not to get?

114. Look, Dr. Cox told me not to get involved.

115. I defied him.

116. And now with your help, I'm gonna rub it in his face, ok?

117. Now for the last time, the song goes like this:

118. And then you jump out and go, "that's me!"

119. Ok, but wouldn't it be funnier

120. if I came out on the second "I found your son" just to get to it?

121. Yeah, that would be a whole lot funnier, but I have a question.

122. Who's gonna be singing the I found his son song?

123. Because it certainly won't be me, ok?

124. Here he comes. Uhh.

125. Dr. Cox,

126. That's me!

127. - Too early? - We rehearsed this!

128. We were on your scooter.

129. Reunion time. This is gonna be great.

130. Ahem.

131. Oh. Murray?

132. Before you say anything, I just want you to know

133. if you need a kidney, you can have mine.

134. See?

135. For $70,000.

136. I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.

137. Franklyn, I was wondering if you could put a rush

138. on Mr. Lowenstein's urinalysis,

139. because I've got a really important interview

140. for a fellowship next year.

141. No.

142. We're not talking now.

143. Elliot.

144. We can help.

145. No! No!

146. You will not turn Elliot into some flirtatious manipulator.

147. Don't get me wrong. Outside the hospital,

148. Elliot, with her hair up, is a slammin' hottie,

149. but in here, she's an asexual mess.

150. That's the natural order of things,

151. and you don't mess with the natural order!

152. Elliot, don't listen to him.

153. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

154. Look, I will try anything.

155. I just don't want to compromise who I am, huh?

156. Sweetie, you won't have to do that.

157. Sure, if it's something really important,

158. you might have to occasionally sleep with someone.

159. That's how I hooked up with Perry. Needed a pen.

160. You won't have to compromise yourself.

161. It's all about subtlety.

162. It's a lingering smile...

163. a chuckle at a bad joke.

164. A look in your eye that says "if you do what I want,

165. maybe something will happen between us,"

166. even though you know it never will.

167. Franklyn, if you analyze this urine sample right now,

168. they maybe I'll have sex with you, but probably not.

169. So close.

170. What's your problem with your dad?

171. Well, for starters, he named me Murray.

172. - That's an old man's name. - Oh, come on. No, it isn't.

173. Murray!

174. (All) What?

175. Everything my father's ever done was designed to humiliate me.

176. - Murray. - (All) What?

177. - What? - No, the youngest Murray!

178. I'm 68.

179. 34!

180. Today!

181. You don't know what it was like having him as a father.

182. He had me in his shadows my whole life.

183. He actually sang at my senior prom.

184. My date threw her panties on the stage.

185. First and last time I saw them, by the way.

186. Whenever I'm around the guy, I'm invisible.

187. Oh, come on. You're exaggerating.

188. - See what I mean? - Shh. I love this song.

189. Ooh. Thank you.

190. (singing in Japanese) Hey good lookin' watcha got cookin'

191. how's about cookin' somethin' up with me...

192. Ok, so I tried to get some X-Rays back from a lab tech

193. by making a kissy-face, and he asked me if I had palsy.

194. Elliot, if you want to get ahead, you have to use what God gave you.

195. Or in your case, what Dr. Feinberg gave you.

196. Exactly.

197. I can't keep my kidney guy's son from leaving.

198. Elliot will help.

199. You can do this.

200. Hi. I'm Elliot.

201. Hi. I'm Murray.

202. Hi. I'm Elliot.

203. I'm firing blanks here!

204. Oh!

205. My favorite scrubs.

206. Is it a bad stain?

207. No.

208. That's a good stain.

209. A very good stain.

210. That's my favorite stain ever.

211. I did it!

212. She has nice breasts.

213. - They're real. - Yeah, right.

214. - No, they are. - They're not.

215. I can't believe you got cake. They guy said they didn't have any.

216. Just do what I told you to do.

217. Sweets for the sweet.

218. Thank you... Glen.

219. Look, Murray, it doesn't matter

220. that your father's handsome and charismatic

221. and sings like a young Joan Baez.

222. He's your flesh and blood, and you gotta step up.

223. You obviously have some issues with your own father

224. that you're projecting onto me,

225. so why don't you go ahead and give him a jingle?

226. - He's dead. - Good stuff.

227. - No, I'm serious. - Classic.

228. He had, like, a massive heart attack.

229. - I'm sorry for your loss. - Now about the kidney...

230. I wish I could fly my plane right now.

231. I always like to fly it when I have to make a big decision.

232. (J.D.) Make the flesh and blood argument again,

233. but in a different way.

234. Blood and flesh, Murray.

235. I'll do it.

236. (J.D.) Jackpot.

237. Yawning, Glen!

238. One for the road, Glen?

239. Thanks. Happy weekend.

240. Elliot, did you talk to Franklyn

241. into doing your patient's urinalysis before mine?

242. No, I just told him I lost my voice,

243. and I had to whisper in his ear...

244. (whispering) Like this.

245. - Careful, Elliot. - Oh, come on.

246. What harm can come from a little flirting?

247. Ha! I wanna see that engagement ring.

248. That costs $10,000.

249. I got 12 bucks.

250. - You ok? - Yeah. Why?

251. You have created a monster.

252. Elliot did a little tongue-dance in Franklyn's ear

253. just to get him to do her lab before mine.

254. So she used her femininity.

255. The only reason you usually get your lab work back so fast

256. is because you always pick Franklyn to play basketball,

257. even though he always shoots his foul shots granny-style.

258. This is different.

259. (Man) Excuse me.

260. This is gonna cause problems.

261. Oh, I'll just be a sec.

262. (sexy voice) Dave, can I get an orange soda?

263. I'm so hot and thirsty.

264. It's on me. (giggles)

265. I'd like an orange soda, too.

266. Oh, I'm sorry. That was the last one.

267. How sad.

268. If that's the way female doctors around here behave,

269. I hope the young lady I'm interviewing is a different breed.

270. Do either of you know where I can find Dr. Elliot Reid?

271. (J.D.) "I told you so" moments are rare.

272. So when they come, you have to savor them.

273. Hey, newie.

274. The good news is that Murray and his dad are a match kidney-wise.

275. The better news

276. is that the tests revealed a little secret

277. you're gonna wanna share with your new pal.

278. Gregory is not Murray's biological father.

279. Oh, no.

280. By the by, this moment is so great...

281. that I'd cheat on that other moment from before,

282. marry this one, and raise a family of tiny little moments.

283. Ugh!

284. (J.D.) I couldn't decide whether I should tell Murray

285. his dad wasn't his dad.

286. Luckily, hospitals are full of supportive colleagues eager to help.

287. Go tell that little bastard this second

288. before he coughs a kidney up to his fake father

289. and sues this hospital!

290. Write that down in your little unicorn book.

291. Uh, actually, sir, it's a horse with a sword on his head.

292. (high-pitched voice) You know I'm a unicorn.

293. Why can't you just say it?

294. What are you going to do, son?

295. (high-pitched voice) Well, Dr. Kels— ahem.

296. (regular voice) Well, Dr. Kelso, I'm just gonna tell him.

297. Murray's got a good heart and he'll do the right thing.

298. I'm outta here.

299. Murray!

300. - What? - Not you, old Murray!

301. Ok.

302. I put interview guy in the lounge

303. and told him that Elliot was with a patient.

304. Now, how we gonna fix this thing?

305. You're ok.

306. The guy wanted an orange soda, right?

307. We bring him an orange soda, maybe the whole thing goes away.

308. Ok. Here's the plan.

309. Jordan and I will take care of interview guy.

310. Soft scrub, you can do whatever the hell you want.

311. I will.

312. Dammit! I told you to sparkle!

313. He says he clears his head by flying his plane,

314. but I went to his airport. He doesn't have a plane there.

315. What should I do?

316. Who gave you this number?

317. Come on. I'm really asking for your help here.

318. Yeah, but it's very important we focus on the whole

319. who-gave-you-this-number issue.

320. Fine! Maybe I got too involved like you said,

321. but would it kill you for once to acknowledge

322. that my heart is in the right place

323. instead of spending all your time berating me?

324. You got the number from Jordan, didn't you?

325. She hates me.

326. You've been great as usual.

327. Dammit, Murray!

328. What corner of the sky are you and your plane hiding in?

329. - There you are. Hey, buddy! - Hey!

330. Oh, oh, I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor!

331. Everything panned out for me!

332. What an odd-sized explosion.

333. Elliot, your interviewer called. He's running late.

334. Would you take Turk somewhere for me?

335. - Where? - Oh, the honey festival.

336. Oh, my God! Is that back in town?

337. Sure is, and Turk would love to go with you.

338. You would?

339. Yes.

340. I love large groups of white people eating pollen.

341. - Ooh! - Yeah!

342. On behalf of the honey festival, I'd like to thank our 2 volunteers,

343. our taster Elliot.

344. And of course Christopher the human honeycomb.

345. I thought you meant the cereal!

346. Ow! Ow!

347. Hmph!

348. Can I talk to you for a second?

349. (Fred on intercom) Tower, are you there? I've lost an engine.

350. I'm not falling for that crap again.

351. This is real. Mickey's not here.

352. Oh, God, I've lost another engine.

353. Calm down, Frank. You left your engines in the storage shed.

354. Oh, there they are. Thanks, Murray!

355. That's what I do.

356. Heh! Anyhoo, what do you think your dad is doing right now?

357. He's not my dad. He's my fake dad,

358. which means what my fake cousin Samantha and I almost did

359. in the tenth grade would've been beautiful and right.

360. Been there with my gram-gram.

361. All right, fine. What do you think Gregory's doing right now?

362. Probably playing his stupid guitar.

363. Oh, so maybe I wasn't the perfect dad.

364. I mean, there were the occasional missed baseball games.

365. And the taking of his college sweetheart to The Bahamas

366. for 2 weeks without telling him.

367. But I still don't see why he resents me this much.

368. Boy, tell me about it.

369. You know, I got this kid who constantly ignores my advice

370. and then flashes me the sad Doe eyes

371. every time I call him a girl's name or scream in his face.

372. - Do you want to sing about him? - No, not ever.

373. Sometimes Dr. Cox is all over me like every second of my life.

374. Why do you keep talking about your boss like he's your father?

375. Remember? Recently deceased dad?

376. Massive heart attack.

377. Yes! I mean, yes.

378. Heh.

379. You do know he's not yours, don't you?

380. I figured it out. Yeah.

381. Mostly because his mother was 8 months pregnant when I met her,

382. but there were other signs.

383. Of course.

384. But his real dad was just such a jerk,

385. we just decided not to tell him.

386. Right.

387. A boy needs a father who loves him.

388. You know?

389. Yeah.

390. Elliot! What are you doing here?

391. My interviewer called my cell phone.

392. He has been waiting to talk to me.

393. Oh!

394. What the hell?

395. Woman, I was covered in bees!

396. Elliot, wait!

397. Elliot, you did your flirty manipulation thing

398. in front of that guy in there,

399. and now, well, he kind of thinks you're this despicable

400. floozy-ho excuse for a doctor.

401. Oh, um, well, then I will just explain it to him.

402. It'll be fine.

403. Wait! Sir, just hear me out!

404. Oh—ugh!

405. Ladies, I think we've learned our lesson.

406. That is not helpful, Turkelton.

407. I was covered in bees!

408. Oh, my God! He's actually giving him an orange soda.

409. Ha!

410. - What happened? - He's gonna reconsider you.

411. How'd you do that?

412. Hey, buddy, I need you to reconsider blonde doctor,

413. and I'm gonna tell you why.

414. See, I'm the future Mr. Blonde doctor,

415. and I kind of need this to happen so that I can—

416. hey, over here. I need this to happen

417. so that I can just hang out around the house and, you know,

418. bake bread or gab across the fence with neighbor Marge.

419. Nice lady, Polish, I think. Doesn't matter. I'm not prejudiced.

420. What the hell are you talking about?

421. Here's the thing. I need you to take

422. this can of orange soda, turn, smile,

423. and give blonde doctor a big thumbs up,

424. or I'm gonna take the same orange soda,

425. follow you down to the parking lot,

426. and smash your head in with it.

427. We talked about your future.

428. I don't know if I can go through with this.

429. I wish there was something to help me get through the door.

430. Hey, jerkhole.

431. - Yeah? - Yeah?

432. No, new jerkhole. Now, no matter what you think

433. of that guy in there, he always knew he wasn't your father,

434. but he stayed in the game anyway.

435. So how about you get your selfish ass in there?

436. Ok.

437. - Hey. - Hey.

438. So I've got this extra kidney I'm not using.

439. Are you sure?

440. Yeah.

441. You know I love you, right?

442. Yeah, I know you do.

443. I love you, too, dad.

444. Dad.

445. Dad! (stops playing)

446. (J.D.) In a hospital it's easy to take things too far.

447. Still, sometimes you have to go too far to see where the line is.

448. Please, Franklyn?

449. Oh, ok. Come with me, little friend.

450. Heh!

451. (J.D.) As for me...

452. Maybe I got too involved with Murray

453. and his fake real dad, but as I watched Gregory

454. serenade a clearly uncomfortable Murray, I realized something.

455. If Murray could look past his dad's imperfections

456. and appreciate all the time he'd given him,

457. maybe I owed Dr. Cox a thank you for the same thing.

458. Hey, I just want to take a second to thank you

459. for constantly berating me, doubting my abilities,

460. and the overall devastation of my self-esteem.

461. My pleasure.

462. (J.D.) I'll wrap it all up with a slow motion hand wave.

463. Oh, I'm slow, baby.