Scrubs 4x1

Directed by Bill Lawrence

Cynthia Frost as Mrs. Grodberg • Jordi Caballero as Massimo • Michael Alaimo as Mr. Radford • Bart Sumner as Mr. Blass • Marshall Manesh as Akbar

Turk and Carla start to have issues when Carla tries to change everything about her new husband. Molly Clock (Heather Graham), the hospital's new psychiatrist, becomes friends with Elliot because she believes Turk, J.D. and Carla are shutting her out. Also, when Turk and J.D.'s car blows up, Carla lets him pick out the new ride only to find that instead of a car, he buys three scooters for them, further proving Carla's point that she needs to always be in control. The episode guest stars the Sugarhill Gang.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Aah. Aah. Aah.

2. My shift hasn't started yet. Try that guy.

3. - Yeah. - That guy right there?

4. All right. Thank you.

5. Aah.

6. (J.D.) A lot's been going on around here the last 2 weeks.

7. Turk and Carla got married.

8. That short guy hurt his hand,

9. and since I totally broke Elliot's heart,

10. I was still trying to smooth things over.

11. Hey, buddy.

12. What's with the giant needle?

13. (J.D.) We still had some work to do.

14. Where was I? Oh, yeah.

15. The hospital also had a new attending psychiatrist...

16. Dr. Molly Clock.

17. This is a really windy hospital.

18. Oh, I'm sorry.

19. I was drying up a patient's urine.

20. Hmm.

21. I'm—I'm kind of a favorite around here.

22. (J.D.) Not only was Dr. Clock easy on the eyes,

23. but apparently she was an excellent shrink.

24. Mr. Whitcomb is in the middle of a psychotic break

25. from self-discontinuation of his meds,

26. so we need to get him on a haloperidol I.V. stat.

27. (J.D.) But I also heard she was a little spacey.

28. So, where were we?

29. Uh, we weren't talking.

30. Was it something you did? 'Cause I'm totally over it.

31. I don't even remember what it was.

32. No, I mean, like, we've never talked. Ever.

33. How do I know your name, then?

34. - You don't. - You're freakin' me out, Jimmy.

35. It's Johnny.

36. (J.D.) Why would you say Johnny? You hate Johnny!

37. I'm gonna commit it to my memory forever.

38. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

39. (J.D.) Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

40. - Okay, Johnny. - (J.D.) Damn it!

41. I'm sorry, I've just been meeting so many people,

42. and everyone's kind of cliquish,

43. and I haven't gotten to know anybody.

44. So, let's talk. It's not like I'm going anywhere.

45. Great! Oh, thanks. Okay—

46. - Excuse me. - (honk honk)

47. Turk's back from his honeymoon!

48. Nice to meet you.

49. Turk! Hi!

50. Go ahead.

51. J.D.!

52. Ooh, J.D.! J.D.!

53. Maybe someday he'll love me like that.

54. He's here! Turk!

55. J.D.!

56. Oh! Turk!

57. Turk? J.D.!

58. J.D.?

59. Turk!

60. - Dude! - Stay right there! I'm so excited!

61. Aw, how'd this happen?

62. - The roof! - Holler!

63. All right, look, from now on,

64. we're calling this roof "a."

65. Got it!

66. - Turk! - Aah!

67. The eagle! Ha ha! So how are you, man?

68. Well, well, well, what do we have here?

69. The newlyweds. Oh, and, hey, Carla.

70. Mark my words, the first year

71. of marriage is just a real treat. Sweetheart, do you remember ours?

72. (Jordan) The silly fighting for control.

73. You broke my jaw!

74. You gotta stop that backtalk early.

75. Come on, glass jaw.

76. Duck and move, Gandhi.

77. Here it is. Here it is. Watch it.

78. Ohh! Duck and move.

79. Ignore him, baby.

80. We have a great relationship.

81. Nothing's gonna change.

82. (J.D.) Over the next few days,

83. Carla started to change everything.

84. Hey, dude, get us some more ice cream.

85. First of all, this is rice dream.

86. Mmm, ricey.

87. Secondly, I can't get out of these new chairs she got.

88. Am I using it right?

89. These bowls Carla bought don't hold a lot of rice dream.

90. I can barely get my spoon in it, look.

91. Hey, J.D., although we do appreciate the wedding gift,

92. Turk and I decided we don't want this Sugar Hill Gang alarm clock.

93. We don't?

94. - (telephone rings) - I got it.

95. Whoa! I got it. I'm okay. Don't—here he goes—

96. - Aah! - (thud)

97. I'm still in the chair! It's like a bear trap!

98. (J.D.) As I fondled Katya, my pillow girlfriend,

99. I thought about how things had changed for all of us.

100. See, I had almost forgotten that when I wake up,

101. it'll be the start of my last week as a resident.

102. - Snooze. - (bang)

103. Don't look at me. It just fell.

104. (J.D.) Please, please, please, please?

105. Proceed unmolested.

106. (J.D.) I knew he'd buy it because today feels like

107. one of those great days in the hospital.

108. People really seemed to be getting to know each other.

109. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.

110. Fantastic. Get off my face.

111. (J.D.) My last week of residency had begun.

112. In 7 days, I'd be a full-fledged doctor.

113. It felt pretty special to me, and I had a hunch

114. it meant a lot to one other person as well.

115. Yes, milady?

116. So? You feelin' all like bleaaah?

117. That depends. Does bleaaah...

118. Mean confused and incredibly annoyed?

119. Come on, man, it's our last week together.

120. The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station.

121. You must have a metaphor you want to use. Hit me with it.

122. I suppose I could riff a list of things

123. that I care as little about as our last week together.

124. Let me see...

125. Low carb diets, Michael Moore,

126. the republican national convention,

127. kabbalah and all kabbalah related products,

128. hi-def TV, the bush daughters, wireless hot spots,

129. The O.C., the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd,

130. Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys,

131. Jeff, that wiggle who sleeps too darn much,

132. the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states,

133. every hybrid car, every talk show host,

134. everything on the planet, everything in the solar system,

135. everything, everything, everything, everything,

136. everything that exists past, present, and future,

137. in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions.

138. - Oh! And Hugh Jackman. - Huh.

139. Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. How dare he?

140. I missed you guys so much.

141. Mmm. Oh, come over tonight,

142. we're looking at wedding pictures.

143. Ooh, there's this one picture of me

144. right after I got sick off my third champagne and red bull

145. and my hair's kind of like sexy messy,

146. and the photographer said he could airbrush all of the puke off my dress.

147. Already made doubles.

148. You rock! Ha!

149. So, um, is J.D. going to be there tonight?

150. Can't you come over anyway?

151. Um...

152. Hey! Do you guys mind if I eat with you?

153. 'Cause I don't want to sit alone

154. and sing to my food like a crazy person.

155. Oh, my gosh. I do that.

156. - No way! - Mostly pop songs,

157. you know, unless I'm eating soul food.

158. - Where's your food? - Oh, shoot.

159. Look, Elliot, we'll do something

160. later this week, just the two of us.

161. Okay.

162. Ha! Oh, that is not my food.

163. But I'm not getting up again.

164. Oh, I wouldn't.

165. - I gotta go. - See you.

166. It's so strange feeling all alone when, like, a month ago,

167. I was part of this really tight group, you know?

168. Yeah. I had tons of friends at my old hospital.

169. I've got to meet some new people.

170. Do you want to get a cup of coffee tonight?

171. Can't. I'm hitting the Internet hard

172. and going on a friend hunt.

173. When you get back from surgery, Mrs. Grodberg,

174. we'll play scrabble again, and this time I'll beat you.

175. Well, of course you'll beat her, son.

176. She's having half her brain removed. Ha ha!

177. J.D.? Little problem this morning with Malik.

178. Our car? Is it bad?

179. Hey, triple-a?

180. Look, I need a pickup on the corner of 4th and—

181. You know what? You'll see it.

182. Ah, Malik. Lots of memories in that old car.

183. Of what?

184. Driving, mostly.

185. Beep beep.

186. Look, why don't we pool our money together

187. and buy one of those nice, cute little mini-coopers?

188. Baby, a mini-Cooper?

189. (J.D.) And then the most amazing thing happened.

190. I'll tell you what, Turk.

191. Why don't you go pick out our car?

192. (J.D.) Carla let Turk make a decision.

193. Okay. But, baby, you should know that it's not going to be a mini.

194. 'Cause there ain't nothin' really mini about me.

195. There isn't.

196. There isn't! Ha!

197. Mr. Radford, if you keep turning down physical therapy,

198. you're never going to be strong enough to get out of this bed.

199. I'm tired.

200. I know you are, but I would love it if you'd at least try.

201. Haunting.

202. Drink your juice, Mr. Blass.

203. Mr. Blass has pick's disease,

204. which is similar in presentation to multi-infarct dementia.

205. Anywho, he likes to sing when he gets up in the morning,

206. and the weird thing is, Johnny,

207. he actually captures the mood of the room.

208. (J.D.) You gotta take a stand on this Johnny thing before it becomes permanent.

209. You know, it's J.D. for John Dorian.

210. So John. But Johnny's fine. It's cool.

211. (J.D.) What's wrong with you?

212. Johnny, I was noticing that you were having

213. some trouble motivating your patient back in there,

214. and I actually published a paper

215. on motivation methodology in post-operative seniors.

216. So, if you want, I could help.

217. What floor?

218. Oh, my god, we're on an elevator.

219. You know, Molly, I appreciate the offer,

220. but there's a very special doctor

221. I use around here when I need help,

222. and he'd be pretty pissed if I didn't come to him first.

223. Why, Marishka?

224. Why do you insist on bothering me with these things?

225. Please, you know you love it.

226. Now, come on, one more time, for nostalgia's sake.

227. You come see my patient, you teach me a lesson,

228. and then the music plays, all right?

229. In my head, it sounds like this.

230. Dr. Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?

231. Borrow me? Dear heart, you'd be rescuing me.

232. Newbie, you're on your own.

233. Get used to it.

234. I'm going to prove to you why my first year of marriage

235. isn't going to be as hard as yours was.

236. I think you're setting the bar a little low on that one there, sweet cheeks.

237. Yeah? Still the point is I'm smarter than you.

238. In relationships?

239. - In everything. - Right!

240. See, even though I make all the decisions,

241. whenever I sense Turk is getting upset,

242. I throw him a little decision that means nothing to me.

243. Like buying a new car. As long as it's got

244. 4 wheels and air conditioning, I'm hap... py.

245. Check it, baby! Scooters.

246. Ha. Heh.

247. Fantastic. It's too good.

248. He's a drinker.

249. Clever. Look, J.D., this is so unfair.

250. I mean, I never even get to see Turk and Carla anymore.

251. It's like we got divorced and you got to keep the friends

252. just because you live with them.

253. It just feels like you guys are part of some gang or something.

254. Elliot, you're overreacting.

255. We're not some kind of gang, okay?

256. Okay.

257. Wolverines...

258. Let's roll!

259. (J.D.) That joyride around the hospital made me realize two things—

260. first, it's a bad idea to take a full bladder out on your hog.

261. Also, I had to draw upon all my medical experience

262. to get Mr. Radford out of bed.

263. Mr. Radford, they're showing Cocoon in the chapel!

264. I'm not a big Guttenberg fan.

265. Well, you're the only one, because people in the hall are going crazy.

266. Akbar, akbar, akbar.

267. Oh, Johnny!

268. Run away with me?

269. I was just looking at Mr. Radford's chart.

270. Uh, I know you're new here, but that's my patient's chart,

271. and no one touches my patient's chart. Except for him.

272. (J.D.) Yes! I knew he couldn't stay away!

273. Hi, I'm Molly, and I kind of tagged in here with the Mr. Radford thing—

274. Molly, Molly, Molly. You lost me at hello.

275. Wow. No touchee.

276. Fair enough. Uh, Mr. Radford,

277. do I understand that you have pain issues,

278. but you don't want physical therapy?

279. I just don't have it in me.

280. Here comes the magic. He always gives me goosebumps.

281. Okay, then. I sure hope you're comfortable in that bed,

282. because you're going to be in one just like it

283. for the rest of your natural-born life.

284. - What the hell was that? - That was me talking to a patient

285. who has thrown in the towel.

286. You can't save everyone, newbie,

287. so I suggest you start working with people who want your help.

288. That's what I will be doing.

289. Goosebumps?

290. They're small. You can't see them.

291. Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, "jzilbek" is not a word.

292. I'm still beating you.

293. Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay

294. and you still have your "a" game. I don't really care who wins.

295. (J.D.) Half a brain, damn it!

296. Good night, Giselle.

297. - Dr. Cox? - (exhales)

298. I just want you to know I'm not ready to give up on, Mr. Radford.

299. Do you want me to give you

300. my "things I don't care about speech" again?

301. Because, you know, I've updated it

302. to include all white guys who add "nizzle" to anything.

303. I agrizzle, my nizzle.

304. Go on home and get in bed, will you?

305. I'm betting your friend Mr. Radford's already in his. I'll see you.

306. Well, sweetheart, you're here early.

307. Yeah, well, you know, I didn't have any plans last night,

308. I went to bed at 8:00 and then I woke up at 4:00,

309. and then I realized that the sunrise

310. just looks beautiful through the trees,

311. and that my neighbor gets his paper in the nude.

312. And that he needs to lose, like, 900 pounds.

313. In the future, the appropriate response

314. is, "yes, I am here early."

315. It's called "small talk."

316. Not "my depressing life in 30 seconds."

317. I am not depressed, sir!

318. In fact, nothing is going to get me down today!

319. Did you just tell my patient to shut up?

320. 'Cause that seems not very doctor-y.

321. No. I mean, I said it like

322. all those high school girls do in the mall.

323. "Oh, shut up!" Ha!

324. I should go.

325. Hmm. Kick it, Mr. Blass.

326. Yeah! Yeah!

327. - Whoo! - Whoo!

328. (J.D.) Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Here I come. Here I come.

329. Once more around. Last time. Oh, I'm now here.

330. Ahh...

331. Why the giant "x"?

332. - Why the stupid face? - Touché.

333. You know, I know you knocked that exit sign down.

334. Well, then I'm sure I can expect

335. an appropriate retaliatory response.

336. Maybe you could shoot me in the neck.

337. Ha ha! Sounds like fun, but no.

338. Our game is over, buddy.

339. Your residency is coming to a close,

340. and that's it. Nothing left to do, but...

341. What can I say? It's been...

342. - Horrifying. - Thank you.

343. This is kind of cool. Maybe we can be friends.

344. You like hunting squirrels?

345. I've never tried it.

346. Easiest thing in the world.

347. All you need is some walnuts and a boxing glove.

348. (J.D.) The day just got better from there.

349. (J.D.) Mostly because Mr. Radford had the same

350. "screw you, Dr. Cox" attitude that I had.

351. Good stuff, Mr. Radford. I'm proud of you.

352. I hate you.

353. Excuse me, doctor.

354. I dropped a nickel in that therapy whirlpool.

355. Do you think you could get it for me?

356. Okay, but stand back.

357. These things can be pretty dangerous.

358. Oh, my—aah!

359. Shut it off!

360. Shut it off!

361. So, what, are they shooting some sort of "Geeks of Sacred Heart" calendar out here?

362. Actually, no. I almost drowned diving for nickel,

363. but I'm sure you're more interested in conspiracy theories

364. about gangs and friend stealing.

365. Peace out.

366. Aaah!

367. (Italian accent) Hey! Why did you kick my scooter?

368. Why? All you Americans are bullies.

369. That is why the whole world hates you.

370. Easy, Massimo. It's okay. She's gonna fix it.

371. Just go inside and I'll meet you in my office.

372. He's not even Italian.

373. I'm sorry. Look, you wouldn't understand.

374. No, I get it. I mean, you're feeling lonely. You're feeling rejected.

375. Most people around here won't even talk to me,

376. and even Johnny won't take my help.

377. Who's Johnny?

378. He's a resident, he's got gelled-up hair,

379. and he and his friends are in a motorcycle gang?

380. I knew it!

381. You know, Elliot, you act like everyone's boxing you out,

382. but you wouldn't even get a cup of coffee with me.

383. Peace out, baby.

384. Why is everybody saying that?

385. Great news, baby!

386. I just picked your grandparents up from the airport!

387. Hang on, Nana! Hang on, grandpa!

388. Not only did I get them home, I lost 6 pounds! Ha ha!

389. - Give me those stupid keys! - Mm-mm. Ooh!

390. That's what I think of your scooters.

391. No more bugs in my teeth, no more helmet head,

392. no more making deals with god

393. every time a truck passes me on the freeway, okay?

394. It's over! That's it!

395. What the hell just happened?

396. You got married, Turkelton.

397. That, my friends, is Mr. Radford getting out of bed.

398. And that's Mr. Radford falling back into bed,

399. but still enough to rub it in Dr. Cox's face.

400. That is so great, but I wouldn't do that

401. unless you want him to rub your face in it.

402. Did you not see what just happened?

403. Or do you not get face-rubbing?

404. Because it's more than just a bizarro way to memorize people's names.

405. Johnny, what Dr. Cox did was classic reverse psychology.

406. And so's this.

407. Behavioral modification can sometimes

408. be brought about through classic conditioning.

409. Reverse psychology? Nothing?

410. 'Cause that kills at the psychiatric conferences.

411. I must go to one of those.

412. Look, isn't it possible

413. that Dr. Cox tricked you as a motivational ploy?

414. Hmm... no.

415. After he said there was no hope with Mr. Radford,

416. didn't you both work harder?

417. No. You're like a crazy person.

418. Look, I'll tell you something else.

419. Dr. Cox is a textbook, closed-off Alpha male.

420. You can try forever, but you're never

421. going to get that hug that you really want.

422. Excuse me, I'm not a child. I'm a doctor.

423. (J.D.) And I'll get that hug.

424. Hey!

425. - Hot! - (gasps)

426. Mmm! I, um...

427. Brought you coffee.

428. Oh, it's burning. It's like fire.

429. Baby, I know you don't want to return the scooters.

430. Can't this wait till after my scooter club's

431. fall foliage trip through Maine?

432. - No, Turk! - Tsk!

433. Look, you're a husband now.

434. When you make decisions you're supposed to think

435. about what we need, not what you want.

436. Well, it doesn't seem like you're doing that.

437. You gave away my clock! And you sold my chairs!

438. And what the hell is up with these ridiculously tiny bowls?

439. They're sake cups, Jethro!

440. I knew that.

441. Everything I do, Turk, I do it for us.

442. Oh, yeah? Then why does Rowdy smell like daisies?

443. 'Cause I had him filled with potpourri.

444. You can keep the scooters.

445. That's what I'm talking about.

446. Marriage is gonna be tricky.

447. Yeah.

448. Thanks!

449. Tsss! (whimpers)

450. How are your thighs?

451. They're very hot and pink.

452. Do you want me to rub ointment on them?

453. It's okay.

454. - Aww! - Aww!

455. Weird.

456. Pa-pow! Ha!

457. Look at that. I knew I smelled that odd combination of fear and baby powder.

458. (J.D.) How does he know about my belly rash.

459. Look, Dr. Cox, I know you were using reverse psychology with Mr. Radford.

460. You do, do you?

461. Yes! And I figured it out by myself without anyone helping me

462. or explaining it directly to my face or anything.

463. Well, nubile one, your last lesson

464. and you didn't even need it.

465. Pssh.

466. 3 years and it's finally over.

467. I know what you want. I do.

468. Come here.

469. (J.D.) Oh, my God, it's finally happening.

470. Don't miss a moment. Take it all in.

471. - (whistles) - Ow!

472. Good god, fantasia. You don't actually think

473. I am done teaching you, do you?

474. Do you not understand the only difference between today and tomorrow

475. is that when you wake up tomorrow and start coming in here and killing people

476. that no one can say, "it's no big deal. He's just a resident."

477. Instead, what they're damn sure going to be wondering

478. is who tried to educate your sorry ass,

479. and when that finger of blame starts pointing in my direction,

480. I had damn sure better be in a coma

481. from the anger stroke I suffered after you tried to hug me.

482. Ohhh...

483. Oh, and, uh...

484. Don't be late tomorrow... Doctor.

485. (J.D.) Whether or not you survive in a hospital

486. is all about how you handle your relationships.

487. (J.D.) Whether it's a brand-new one...

488. (J.D.) Or an old one you need to figure out all over again.

489. (gasps) Oh, my God!

490. - I can't believe you did this! - Yeah.

491. It's even mini-er than I imagined.

492. But what about you?

493. Oh, baby, don't worry about it. I got it covered. Check it out.

494. (Carla) Whee!

495. (J.D.) As for me, it was my relationships

496. that got me through my residency.

497. Unh!

498. Aah!

499. Oof!

500. Bull's-eye! Ha ha ha!

501. We're not done with our thing yet, are we?

502. Nope. For you... It's all just beginning.

503. (J.D.) The weird thing is he was right.