1. Relationships can be defined
by how long they are...
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2. I'm late, I don't have time to eat.
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3. - A few weeks...
- Do you wanna have sex?
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4. Yes.
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5. - Or three years.
- Baby?
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6. What about getting
pregnant right after the wedding?
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7. See ya.
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8. You can't ask a guy
that while he's driving.
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9. My bad.
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10. Yes, it was your bad, Carla.
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11. Or whether you've been together
for more than five years.
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12. Why don't we ever have sex?
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13. I find it a little hard to feel sexy
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14. since I passed a human being
out of my body six months ago.
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15. I had ringside seats to that bloodbath.
It hadn't affected my sex drive.
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16. No, you asked the lactation nurse if she
needed help getting things started.
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17. Right.
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18. A lot of men would be happy
just to have a baby.
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19. - You're on the pill, right?
- Yes! Please just drop it.
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20. OK. You know you've gotta take it
the same time every day? Right.
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21. I went to Europe for a month
and forgot to take my pills.
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22. - I took 30 the day I got home.
- What happened?
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23. Elliot! Your homecoming date is here!
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24. Stall him!
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25. Nothing.
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26. Todd, you must sample one of these tea
buns my mum sent over from Sussex.
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27. Up high two times. Once for "buns,"
once for the ‘sex’ part of "Sussex."
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28. - Come on!
- An American high five!
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29. - How perfectly vulgar.
- Yeah.
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30. The Janitor's pretending
to be British.
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31. You mean Klaus, the German guy?
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32. Thanks.
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33. - That means "nice hair cut".
- No, it doesn't.
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34. Mind your own beeswax.
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35. I guess around here,
you have to be prepared for anything.
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36. Britishy.
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37. Especially when a patient
needs emergency surgery.
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38. Where’s Dr Wen?
This patient’s ready to go.
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39. He got in a car accident,
so he can't make it.
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40. Don't you play with me,
I will find you.
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41. Relax, Dr DiStefano is on call.
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42. Thank God.
We just dodged a bullet because...
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43. I am nowhere near ready
to perform this procedure solo.
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44. I'd have been terrified,
you'd have sensed it.
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45. It would've been horrible
for all of us.
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46. Dr DiStefano is stuck in surgery.
It's all on you, Dr Turk.
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47. Piece of cake. Who's with me?
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48. Come on!
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49. News of Turk's successful surgery
had spread quickly.
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50. He was the stud of the hospital.
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51. Who's the black surgeon that
just repaired an artery like a pro?
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52. Turk!
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53. That's right, baby
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54. Who is the doc that won't cop out
when no attendings are about?
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55. Turk!
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56. Right on
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57. - Turk!
- What?
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58. You must be dancing
on the wind right now.
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59. That sounded straighter in my head.
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60. Today, I had to sink or swim
all on my own and guess what?
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61. - A brother swam.
- That is so fabulous.
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62. What is wrong with me today?
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63. Dr Wen, I was scared
when you didn't show up,
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64. but your car accident was the best
thing that ever happened to me.
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65. My wife broke both her legs.
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66. Still.
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67. Maybe it’s Buddha’s way of
telling her to slow down a little.
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68. I hope you haven't eaten yet
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69. because I'm about to force feed you
a can of my homemade Whup-Ass.
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70. Miguel doesn't speak English, baby.
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71. Thanks, sweetness.
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72. Hey, Gandhi. Just because you broke
out your Fisher Price surgery set,
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73. and managed to not kill somebody,
doesn't mean you're queen of the world.
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74. - You can do better, old man?
- Watch and learn.
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75. How's that taste? Is it delicious?
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76. Oh, Lord. My back.
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77. - Are you OK?
- Come on.
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78. I'm posing so your boyfriend
can get a picture of me
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79. for his "People Who Make Me Feel
Like A Little Girl" scrapbook.
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80. Let's go.
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81. Oh, God.
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82. You know, Nigel, I'm 25% British.
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83. Really? I'm 100% not interested.
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84. Classic Nigel!
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85. I've been asking around and you're
known as one of three people.
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86. Nigel the Brit, Klaus the dim-witted
German... Yes, I said dim-witted.
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87. Or a simple, good-natured
stutterer named Efram.
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88. Am I the only one
that knows the real you?
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89. Who says this is the real me?
Perhaps this is.
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90. - Or this.
- Hey, Klaus.
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91. How come Hamburg and Frankfurt
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92. have nothing to do with
hamburgers or hotdogs?
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93. Why is your Lake Titicaca
not filled with boobs and poop?
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94. - What do you do?
- I work at a hospital.
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95. I'm a resident,
which is like a student.
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96. Not as in dorm rooms, pizza runs
and crazy drunken parties,
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97. which I know still go on in Radiology,
more of a student in the...
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98. Excuse me.
Dude, she's got a boyfriend.
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99. Thanks, man.
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100. Why didn't you tell him
you were a doctor?
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101. I guess I just still don't feel
like a doctor, you know?
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102. That thing with Turk got me thinking.
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103. I've ran codes before but there's
always been someone to bail me out.
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104. I've never had that one, defining,
sink-or-swim moment. Have you?
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105. Yeah, but I didn't like
make a big deal out of it.
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106. I was just made partner at my law firm,
I drive a Beamer, and this is my wife.
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107. This is Mr Booker.
He's alive because of me.
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108. - Thought you said there’d be bitches.
- We just got here. Look around.
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109. We had a fun night until he urinated
all over my rental car.
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110. So your mom made you
pancakes this morning
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111. and you didn't even know that
it was Pancake Day in the cafeteria?
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112. - Get outta here!
- The craziest thing...
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113. I'm serious, Nervous Guy.
Get outta here.
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114. Why won't you admit
you hurt your back?
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115. Carla, come on.
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116. Back injuries are for 80-year-olds
named Norman with pants to here,
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117. nose hairs to here, who start every
sentence with a very elegant...
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118. Oops! You dropped your badge.
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119. Your move, there... Norman.
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120. That's impressive.
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121. - Wanna know what the Janitor did today?
- No, Bambi, you idiot.
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122. The Fugitive. Would you sleep with
Tommy Lee Jones or Harrison Ford?
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123. Harrison Ford hands down.
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124. You were probably talking to Carla.
I'm having such a gay day.
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125. Day?
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126. This Janitor thing
has thrown me for a loop...
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127. We should watch in Turk's room.
He'll keep talking about the Janitor.
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128. I won't, sweetie. Trust me.
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129. Let's go.
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130. What kind of freak spends all day
pretending to be somebody else?
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131. Transit Unit 23. I got a possible
sighting of Richard Kimble, northbound.
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132. Kimble!
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133. Janitor.
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134. I don't want to make any promises
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135. but your cellulitis is resolving.
You'll be out of the woods soon.
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136. Tell me something.
How did an old geezer like me
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137. end up with the prettiest
young doctor in the place?
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138. It's based on when your shift started
and the last patient you've seen...
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139. Sweetheart, I'm just
paying you a compliment.
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140. I have to go.
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141. Thanks for saying I'm pretty.
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142. Oh, yeah. Hello, sweet...
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143. sweet couch.
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144. I've been thinking about
what you said this morning,
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145. and you're right, we have not
been having enough sex lately.
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146. Turns out, yes... Yes, we have.
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147. We haven't. Tonight we're doing it
the way you always fantasized about.
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148. Laying down in a big tub of ice?
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149. Standing up against the wall, you
holding me up. What do you say, Romeo?
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150. Sometimes the moment you've waited for
comes at the most inopportune time.
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151. Let's do this.
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152. Oh, yeah.
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153. Sometimes the moment comes when you feel
like you've waited your whole life.
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154. You just have to hope that
no one steals your thunder.
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155. If they do, you'll just end up
standing in the corner, watching.
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156. Complete heart block.
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157. Transcutaneous pads, atropine.
Where's the cart?
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158. Elliot.
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159. They're trying to get through.
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160. Start a line.
Hyperventilate. Here we go.
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161. You’re not going anywhere.
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162. Dr Dorian, you can't imagine
how grateful we are.
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163. Who's the cool doc you call
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164. When you want to save
your husband Paul?
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165. JD.
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166. It's from Shaft.
How could you guys not get that?
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167. Yeah, that's our Citizen Kane. Anyway,
thanks again. You're a real hero.
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168. Oh, please, I put my pants on
one leg at a time, just like you.
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169. Except after I put my pants on,
I save your husband's life.
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170. Oh, no, he didn't!
Smelliot, what's the happy-hap?
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171. I was in a sex coma.
How'd you sleep?
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172. Great.
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173. Oh, and Perry, I know I asked you
to be more sensitive when we do it,
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174. but I was hoping
you wouldn't curse as much.
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175. I mean, to actually cry during sex,
what's that about?
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176. I guess I just love you so much.
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177. What is wrong? Is it because
I called you Smelliot?
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178. You haven't heard that before?
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179. - I don't care if you call me that.
- She's cool with Smelliot.
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180. He can call you Smelliot
but I can't call you Vagina-face?
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181. Not the same, Todd.
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182. Look, that was my patient. I was
one step behind you and you knew it.
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183. - You stole my moment.
- This is about saving lives.
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184. - When I put my pants...
- I don't want to hear about your pants.
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185. We both know what this is about.
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186. From the second I started
dating Sean, you weren't happy.
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187. I thought that would change,
but I've moved on and...
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188. you're just acting like you have.
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189. OK. Prepare for a storm-off.
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190. The night we got engaged, you said
you couldn't wait to have kids.
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191. You can't hold that against me.
You were naked.
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192. So I should just disregard
everything you say when I'm naked?
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193. You know that's not actually a bad
idea. We can call it the naked rule.
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194. It should apply retroactively
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195. so... can you get yourself
to the airport next weekend?
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196. Fine.
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197. Gotta love the naked rule.
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198. Say, Carla. You look nice.
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199. You're pathetic.
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200. How’s about we skip the insults
and you do something helpful like...
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201. prop me up, or throw on a skirt?
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202. - You're an actor.
- You're a fireman.
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203. - What are we doing?
- Game over, Klaus.
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204. I saw you in The Fugitive.
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205. Oh, yeah. I was in a Harrison Ford
movie, but I chose this life instead.
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206. It's a little more glamorous.
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207. Hey, champ. There's some vomit on
the back steps with your name on it.
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208. That's my cue. Action!
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209. Cut.
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210. Young lady, would it
brighten your day any if I told you
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211. I thought you were the best
damn doctor in this hospital?
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212. Why couldn't my father
be more like you?
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213. If I had a dollar when I got depressed
and my dad didn't make me feel better...
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214. Actually, he did give me a dollar
every time I got depressed.
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215. By the end of junior high I had $170
and then got mugged and lost it all.
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216. By the end of that night,
I was back up to a dollar.
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217. Why don't you tell me
what's really upsetting you?
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218. Him.
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219. She says I beat her to that code
because I have feelings for her.
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220. I don't think about her that way.
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221. You can't not think
about her that way.
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222. - Whatever.
- Think about her right now.
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223. Now think about her
and Sean together.
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224. Yeah.
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225. Let me do it... OK.
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226. You are entering
a new phase in your life.
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227. - Why are you fighting it?
- I'm not. I'm not fighting anything.
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228. So even though you have
a full head of hair,
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229. you take Propecia because
you like the way it tastes?
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230. The other day, I found a
grey hair in my happy trail.
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231. Is that the hair from
your belly button to your peep?
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232. - It is indeed.
- So you have a grey happy trail.
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233. A lot of women find it distinguished.
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234. I have a six month old child.
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235. I'm gonna be one of those weird old
guys who brings my son to the park
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236. where everybody is like,
"Is he the dad? Is he the granddad?"
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237. "Is he the granddad's granddad?
Oh, my God,"
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238. why is he pushing
a traffic cone on the swing
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239. "while his five-year-old boy
is in the mud crying?"
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240. "Is he taunting the little boy? No."
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241. "He can't even see the little boy.
And now look,"
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242. he's putting the traffic cone
in the minivan and driving away,
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243. while the little boy cries
and the traffic cone sits quietly
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244. "and watches Finding Nemo on DVD."
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245. For what it's worth, instead of marrying
a long time ago, I'm marrying a guy
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246. who probably won’t be ready to
have kids for another ten years.
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247. That'll make me like thirty...
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248. More like forty...
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249. But you know what?
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250. It's OK. Because I couldn't handle
marriage until now.
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251. I knew you when you were younger and
you would have been a horrible dad.
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252. Now, we're both ready.
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253. Do you think that
my son will like me?
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254. Oh, God, no.
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255. Dr Reid, I need to get Enid
a birthday present.
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256. - When's her birthday?
- I think it was last week.
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257. Well, a scarf is always nice.
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258. It’s perfect. It's simple, it’s elegant,
and it’ll hide her turkey neck.
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259. - Mr Moran is coding.
- Dr Reid...
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260. Medicine’s pretty competitive so I guess
you have to do whatever’s right for you.
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261. Go.
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262. Start a central line.
Detach and get the crash cart.
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263. - Have we established an airway?
- It's obstructed.
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264. We need to do an emergency trach,
get the scalpel and trach kit.
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265. Watching Elliot in there,
I couldn't help but be impressed.
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266. - Hurry, faster.
- She was amazing.
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267. Unfortunately, in medicine, even
if you do everything perfectly...
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268. there are still no guarantees.
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269. Sorry.
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270. Evenin', Guv'nor.
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271. What's up your bum?
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272. You know why I wanted
that to be you in The Fugitive?
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273. It would mean you used to be a guy
who had dreams and ambitions,
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274. and though things didn't work out, it'd
explain why you're the way you are,
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275. and make you human.
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276. Instead, it turns out you're
nothing more than a jerk
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277. who likes to mess with people
for no reason.
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278. Kimble!
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279. You tell anybody, I'll kill you.
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280. Good night, Efram.
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281. Good night, Doctor.
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282. Some people hide
from who they really are.
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283. Baby, Todd and I
are going to the arcade.
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284. I'm going to get some quarters
out your purse.
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285. I'm old.
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286. Others eventually
accept who they are.
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287. I'm older. Would you please
get me down to my damn car?
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288. Sure. Let’s get
your big Irish ass to your car
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289. so nobody knows you hurt your back.
Let’s not worry about my back.
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290. Sometimes it's the tough moments
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291. that help you realise
who you've finally become.
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292. You work in there?
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293. What do you do?
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294. I'm a doctor.
You shouldn't smoke.
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