Elliot struggles to find her defining moment after Turk performs his first solo surgery. Dr. Cox deals with the reality of growing older when his back goes out. J.D. finds out that many of the hospital staff don't know the Janitor as he does.
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1. She's awake. Say something romantic.
2. Do you think this is a good time to start
talking about a nickname for my penis?
3. It's just that I-I dated this girl in college
who made the decision without consulting me,
4. and then all of a sudden there it was — eighteen
straight months of it being called "Little Buddy".
5. And we just didn't
like that; not one bit.
6. J.D., I haven't even had coffee yet.
7. Ah, you're right, I'm sorry.
8. "Big Al" for example...
9. Why don't you just tell me
a story? Something romantic.
10. Okay.
11. Once there was a beautiful girl who met
a stunningly handsome young doctor...
12. He noticed her right away.
13. And she noticed him noticing her.
14. Their first date was amazing.
15. They had so much fun together,
they felt like kids again.
16. Then it was time for their first kiss.
17. And... how was that?
18. Intense.
19. Whoa! Woo! Agh!
20. The next date didn't
start that well, either...
21. And that night, well...
22. it was the most amazing
night the young doctor ever had.
23. And then what happened?
24. And then the young doctor realized he hadn't
seen the beautiful girl naked in the light yet.
25. Damn!
26. Are you as into this as I am?
27. If I wasn't crazy about ya,
would I be willing to do this?
28. Doom-doom, bah,
do-doom-doom, dop-bop...
29. As I was doing the Naked Chicken
Dance that my uncle Bart had taught me,
30. I realized that life couldn't
get much better than this.
31. doom-doom,
dop-dop, doom—
32. Okay! Now, just because Jordan thinks it's cute that you're violating her little
sister doesn't mean that you can use my guest-room for your nerdy, G-rated sexcapades.
33. And oh, my God, what are you doing with
my little boy, you sick, sick bastard!
41. Even though Dr. Cox got a
front-row look at Little Buddy
42. — ohhh, no! Now I'm saying it!
— my day still started off great!
43. I'm about to set a new distance
record for projectile vomiting.
44. Come on... It reminds me of my sexiest kiss: Our
honeymoon, standing waist-deep in the ocean...
45. I think you were in at the bar.
46. Okay! Gotta go! Come on.
47. Be brilliant today!
48. I always am.
49. Ah! Ow!
50. You know, I hit my head so hard
I actually saw cartoon birds.
51. Then I realized I was in Pediatrics
and it was just the wallpaper! Ha!
52. Stunning. Look, Tammy, as
far as your love life goes,
53. normally I couldn't care less who's laying your quivering body down by the fire while
your lips whisper "No, no... no" but your eyes scream, "Yes. Yes. Oh, big daddy, yes!"
54. But when you're dating Jordan's sissy-poo, it forces me to spend time with
you outside of the hospital, and I just won't have that. So, hhhere's the deal:
55. Don't want to have dinner with you. Don't want to go bowling with you.
And I never, ever again want to walk into my kitchen and hear you say,
56. "Ohh, it's waffle time! It's waffle time!
Won't you have some waffles of mine?"
57. "... waffles of mine..."
58. Bottom line: We'll be bestest friends foreverest
if you just keep your face out of my face. Uh-huh.
59. Awwww.
60. She's my patient!
61. Hey guys, how are you?
62. I'm great! You know me, I'm up,
up, up, up, up, and then some
63. fashion nazi on the E! Network says that
pear-shaped people shouldn't wear stripes, and
64. whoosh, guess who's ear-deep in
mint-chocolate chip ice cream.
65. Meheehee.
66. You know, if you leave it on the counter for
an hour, you can just drink it like a milkshake.
67. Except, watch out — if that block's
not totally melted, hits you in the face!
68. Oh, that'd go everywhere.
69. Yeah, one time I got
Chunky Monkey in my eye.
70. What brings Ms. Tracy to us?
71. Oh, uh, her landlord found
her passed out on her floor.
72. Yeah, lucky me, I couldn't
pay my rent this month.
73. A recent study found that doctors spend an
average of fifteen seconds listening to a patient.
74. It sounds insensitive, but the
truth is it's all the time you need.
75. So, how you feel?
76. Awesome!
77. Ms. Tracy...
78. Headachy, nauseous, and embarrassed that
my landlord saw me in my granny panties.
79. Oh, dear. We're gonna run
some tests and figure this out.
80. I'll be here! If you...
81. Ow!
82. Sorry! I—if that gets
infected, I'm a doctor!
83. Look, you keep going to the right, so this time aim
at that guy to the left, and you'll hit the board.
84. Those two are like
best friends now, huh?
85. I know. I wonder what it
was that made them so tight?
86. Elliot! What are you doing here?
87. I'm, uh, just meeting some
friends here for drinks.
88. Yes! Me too! Friends.
89. Hey.
90. PONCH!
91. Damn. I still got it.
92. Wait a second, dude,
wa—that was us.
93. I know.
94. Greatest night ever!
95. Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact
is you ventured into his side of the house. ...
96. Baring his teeth, huh?
97. Okay, now here's what you do. ...
98. Are you ready?
99. Make a sudden move!
100. Ahhh, those two!
101. Sir, we've got some complaints that the new discount
stethoscopes you ordered are uncomfortably tight.
102. I contacted the manufacturer, but apparently he's decided
to focus more on his hand-made smoking paraphernalia.
103. Nonsense! These are fine!
104. Are you okay Dr. Kelso?
105. Sweet dancing Jehovah!
I've punctured my brain!
106. Boy, oh boy, that's some rock.
When, uh, when's the big day?
107. Oh, me? No, no, never
— my fiancé dumped me.
108. I'm just noticing how
beautiful his mother's ring is.
109. You know, compared to the fake
one I sent back to him. Oops!
110. Ms. Tracy, we found some organophosphates in your
system. Have you had any recent exposure to pesticides?
111. Pesticides? No, I don't
have any pest problems.
112. Oh, God, that must be so nice!
113. They're just feelings; they'll heal.
114. Don't worry. We're on top of this.
115. Oh ... Bye.
116. Hey!
117. Hey... hey.
118. Jordan just said we should
all go to the carnival tonight.
119. The carnival!
120. Oh, I can't go to the carnival,
Danni. I puke at carnivals... a lot.
121. You don't really puke
at carnivals, do you.
122. I do. But I still love 'em!
123. Look, I have an even dandier idea: Why don't
you crazy kids do something on your own?
124. Look, Perry, the fact is I'm Jordan's sister, so as long as I'm
staying in town you're gonna be seeing a lot of these smiling faces.
125. Smile.
126. So, I waxed my legs at home last night.
127. Yeah, how did that go?
128. Not great, I can't do it.
129. I'd rather die hairy.
130. Oh, Mrs. Cainings needs something to
help her sleep. Give her Haloperidol.
131. Haloperidol won't put her to sleep. Give
her a Benzo, it'll knock her right out.
132. Yeah, but, sometimes with Benzos
older people can have a bad reaction.
133. Elliot, have I ever steered you wrong?
134. Who suggested this?
135. Ohhhh! Smooth!
136. Benzo it is.
137. Hey, wait! What about this one?
138. Dude, my broccoli is hot.
139. Please tell me you mean temperature-wise —
because there is no way you can find broccoli sexy.
140. Oh... yeah... temperature-wise...
141. And mini green
boobs-wise! What's up!
142. Sir, I wanted to talk to you about
that hernia seminar this weekend?
143. Okay, sure, we can totally talk later!
144. Hey, Dr. Kelso. Hey. Dr. Kelso.
145. Uh, I don't know if you heard or not, but Bernice,
the lady who does the PA announcements usually,
146. she just got hit by a bus, and, um, I
was on the speech team in high school...
147. so, anyway, I was thinking
that maybe from now on,
148. I could do the announcements. You know,
just until Bernice gets back on her... foot.
149. Splendid!
150. Dr. Cox seems to be having
fun... but I think I know why.
151. Ohh, ooh! Whack a newbie! Whack a
newbie! Whack a newbie! Ohh! Ohhh!
152. Missed me! Ha! Ha!
153. Whack a newbie! Ohh, there you are!
Ohh, there you are! Oh, come here! Ohh!
154. Oww! Oww! Owww!
155. Ohhhhhhhh, whack a
newbie! Whack a—
156. Perry.
157. It's over.
158. Sorry.
159. So, we're gonna go eat some more disgusting fried food and
then look at the fat lady to make ourselves feel better.
160. So, we'll meet you guys
on the Ferris wheel.
161. Only if your stomach's okay.
162. Oh, yeah, it's only the
back-and-forthy rides that get me.
163. Well, you have done it. It's Friday night, and instead of
being at home, drinking whiskey through my son's sippy cup,
164. I'm actually at a carnival with you, surrounded by piles
of manure even though I've yet to see a single animal!
165. That __is__ weird...
166. Uh-huh. I'll tell you what, how
'bout we head right on over there,
167. and if you can raise that hammer above your
head with those chicken bones you call arms,
168. I'll let you take a
free whack at my dome.
169. First of all, I already
raised the hammer;
170. and the only reason I didn't ring the
bell is that the game is obviously rigged.
171. Woo-hoo!
172. Good job, son!
173. Uh-huh.
174. Look, the only positive thing about this
whole situation is that it's driving you crazy
175. and there's nothing you can do about it.
176. Way to go, Gina!
177. Oh, come on!
178. Dr. Tushy, you're needed in the OR.
179. Nice name, buddy. Beat
up in high school much?
180. Oh—It's okay. It's
okay. It's okay!
181. What's going on!
182. She's having a reaction to the Benzo.
183. There are a lot of different ways to
get the upper hand in a relationship.
184. Oh, I gave the guy half a corn-dog
so we can all ride foursies!
185. Ohhhhhhohhhhh.
186. Oh, let's go.
187. Corn-dog!
188. It can happen with a simple request...
189. COULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT MY EARS?
190. it can happen because of a mistake...
191. Mrs. Cainings is stabilized,
so DC the posey vest.
192. That's never happened to me before
with the Benzo. I still think—
193. What do you think, Carla?
194. Did you think that maybe I'm the doctor?
195. 'Cause that's what I think. So maybe you should just DC
the vest like I asked, and keep your opinion to yourself.
196. Still, even when you have the upper hand, it's
important to be careful. Because some people fight dirty.
197. You know, Danni, I think it's amazing that you're actually
comfortable dating J.D., what with him having nailed Jordan and all.
198. Uh, sorry, folks. A little problem here.
Get you down in about an hour or so.
199. I don't feel so good.
200. Sometimes the best thing to do is just
to say exactly what's in your heart.
201. I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.
202. I'm sorry I wore sandals.
203. And, Danni, that whole
thing with Jordan...
204. it's so long ago, I
don't even remember it.
205. J.D., you keep a sex journal of
all your experiences under your bed.
206. Gotta stop showing
that to new girlfriends!
207. Look, you shoulda told me.
208. But I'm not gonna let things like this mess
it up with the guy I'm falling in love with.
209. Oh, thank God! Do you wanna
get some pineapple pizza?
210. I think I'll probably just
go inside and wash my feet.
211. That's robot for "Goodnight."
212. "Peace!" Heh.
213. All right, people, listen up:
214. Dr. Kelso has ruptured
both his eardrums.
215. You could say whatever you want to him as
long as you got a smile on your face! HOLLA!
216. Bob! You
stupid motherf—
217. Thanks for the kind words, gang!
218. Yes?
219. Carla, look, I just wanted to apologize.
220. I'm so glad! I didn't want
us to stay mad at each other!
221. It's all my fault! I should never have
listened to you in the first place.
222. I mean, I need to be a strong enough doctor
to just ignore you when you won't shut up.
223. That's so sweet.
224. All available medical personnel, please
report to the second floor for a cat fight.
225. Cat fight on the second floor!
226. Well, we sent some haz-mat guys over to your apartment,
but they said there were no signs of pesticides.
227. They also said you mixed art deco with
Indonesian antiques. I think that is so daring!
228. Aww.
229. Reel it in, Queer Eye.
230. Thanks, guys. Honestly, I can't remember
the last time anyone was this nice to me.
231. Well, you know...
232. We gotta go.
233. Hey, you should know your little cheap shot
didn't land, because Danni isn't mad at me at all.
234. Hey, Baby! You comin' to give
pop-pop some candy? 'Cause I'm hungry!
235. Oh—okay,
later's fine too.
236. Oh, yeah. I mean, I can—I
can feel the love all over!
237. Can you believe that Elliot,
giving me all that attitude?
238. You know, two weeks ago an O.R. nurse with like twenty years
experience started telling me I was tying the wrong suture.
239. But I bet you listened to her, right?
240. Nah, I kicked her ass out the O.R.! Heh!
241. But I bet you were nice about it? Right?
242. No, I made her cry. The point is, baby, whatever
happens with this patient, it's on my shoulders;
243. and it's the same with
Elliot and you know that.
244. That's what makes your
relationship so complicated.
245. Outside this hospital, yeah,
you're the boss of Elliot... and...
246. well, you know... you're
the boss of me and...
247. baby, you're the boss of everyone —
but in this building, Elliot's in charge.
248. Am I really the boss of
everybody outside of here?
249. Baby, you the boss of
everybody in the world.
250. Okay.
251. Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is
free for his rectal exam.
252. He said you'd know what that means.
253. Dear Dr. Cox, I think it's important
that you know how much I care for Danni,
254. and how hurt I was by your attempt
to sabotage our relationship.
255. Oh, de-de-de—isn't it
enough that I'm reading it!
256. Oh, I'm sorry.
257. Always fun to be in the bathroom
listening to people talk so clearly,
258. you're sure they just heard
you pee. You did, didn't you.
259. You start and stop a lot.
260. Lovely. Here.
261. Uh, actually there's
great news, uh, Ms.
262. We're sending you home.
263. Although, I sure wish we could have figured out how
that stuff got introduced into your system to begin with.
264. But sometimes in medicine you have to just chalk it up to life's
great mysteries, like crop circles or this gal's Adam's apple.
265. I'm a girl, that's original.
266. Hey, you guys, I just want to say, if I
don't see you again, thanks and take care.
267. You be well, darlin'.
268. I'll see you next time.
269. Wanna hear a great letter?
270. No.
271. Hey, everybody. This
place has dynamite lamb.
272. What are you doing here?
273. I called him.
274. Lookit, after shooting my mouth off the other
night I've been feeling a lot of... well...
275. Guilt.
276. No. Not that.
277. Guilt?
278. Yes, that.
279. Ugh.
280. I... I don't like her to be right.
281. Look, Danni, I know you're
upset about your sister and I—
282. J.D., if I didn't go out with the guys my sister slept
with, I wouldn't have even had a date to the prom.
283. Then what is it?
284. Last night I told you I was falling in
love with you. And you know what you said?
285. "Thank you"?
286. You asked me if I
wanted to go get pizza.
287. No... _Pineapple_ pizza.
288. Sweetie, you can't take this personally.
He's a doctor — they don't listen to anyone.
289. Please don't lump us all
together with numb-nuts over here.
290. Oh, really? This morning I asked you to do
me a favor involving my mother. What was it?
291. Well... I can only hope that it had something
to do with hiring people to kill her?
292. Oh, come on. You know what? I hope you
guys listen better to your patients.
293. And for some reason, right then,
294. we both knew how those pesticides
had gotten in our patient's system.
295. Lucky for me, I couldn't
pay my rent this month.
296. Say, that's some rock.
When's the big day?
297. Oh, me? No, no, never
— my fiancé dumped me.
298. I honestly can't remember the last
time anyone was this nice to me.
299. Hey, you guys, I just want to say, if I
don't see you again, thanks and take care.
300. She did it to herself.
301. We gotta go.
302. I guess the problem with only listening
to a patient for fifteen seconds is,
303. sometimes you don't hear everything...
304. and when you finally realize
what they were trying to say,
305. you might've lost them forever.
306. Ms. Tracy.
307. Hey, guys!
308. We need to talk.
309. About what?
310. How _have_ things been going lately?
311. Okay?
Why, uh—
312. Ahhh. Actually it has, uh,
been a couple of rough months.
313. Come on, Jill. Come on.
314. You can never underestimate
the importance of listening.
315. A quick note for all my
comatose listeners out there:
316. all your lovers have moved on.
317. But, if it's any consolation,
my sources tell me they're happy.
318. Well, snooze, you
lose. In other news—
319. Get off that thing.
320. Listening can effect your career.
321. There you are, you deaf bastard!
322. I hate you so much, every
time you utter my name,
323. I wanna stick my fist all the way down your
throat and watch you slowly choke on it!
324. Ted, I can hear now.
325. Who's Ted?
326. Listening can even mend a friendship.
327. Carla, could you go get—
You know what, forget it.
328. No, doctor, just tell me
what you need. I'll do it.
329. Just give him one gram
of Ancef for prophylaxis.
330. Ultimately, it keeps
you in the moment...
331. so you don't miss the
things that really matter.
332. So say it again.
333. No, you have to earn it.
334. I'll try.
335. Oh, for God's sake, we're
watching a movie here.