Scrubs 3x7

Directed by Ken Whittingham

Sam Lloyd as Ted Buckland • Robert Maschio as Todd • Erik Estrada as Erik Estrada • Tara Reid as Danni • Patricia Gebhard as Mrs. Koenings

As J.D.'s relationship with Danni progresses, he and Dr. Cox are forced to spend more time together outside of the hospital, to Perry's great chagrin. Meanwhile, as they each deal with problems in their own relationships, Carla and Elliot work to find their own balance between their personal and professional relationships. Dr. Kelso accidentally punctures his eardrums giving the hospital staff an opportunity to tell him how they truly feel about him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. She's awake. Say something romantic.

2. Do you think this is a good time

3. to start talking about a nickname for my penis?

4. It's just, I dated this girl in college who

5. made the decision without consulting me.

6. All of a sudden, there it was,

7. 18 straight months of it being called Little Buddy.

8. We just didn't like that. Not one bit.

9. - I haven't even had coffee yet. - You're right. I'm sorry.

10. Big Al, for example.

11. Why don't you just tell me a story? Something romantic.

12. OK.

13. Once there was a beautiful girl,

14. who met a stunningly handsome young doctor.

15. He noticed her right away.

16. And she noticed him noticing her.

17. Their first date was amazing.

18. They had so much fun together, they felt like kids again.

19. Then it was time for their first kiss.

20. And how was that?

21. Intense.

22. The next date didn't start that well either.

23. But it got better from there.

24. And that night, well...

25. It was the most amazing night the young doctor ever had.

26. And then what happened?

27. The young doctor realized

28. he hadn't seen the beautiful girl naked in the light yet.

29. Damn.

30. Are you as into this as I am?

31. If I wasn't crazy about you, would I be willing to do this?

32. As I was doing the naked chicken dance

33. that my Uncle Bart taught me, I realized that

34. life couldn't get much better than this.

35. OK.

36. Just 'cause Jordan thinks it's cute

37. that you're violating her little sister,

38. doesn't mean you can use my guest room

39. for your nerdy, G-rated sexcapades.

40. And oh, my God,

41. what are you doing with my little boy,

42. you sick, sick bastard?

43. My bad.

44. It's a beautiful shot of you.

45. Come here...

46. you filthy, filthy boy.

47. Filthy girl. Filthy girl.

48. Are you OK, Little Buddy?

49. No!

50. Although Dr. Cox got a front row

51. look at Little Buddy...

52. Oh, no, now I'm saying it!

53. My day still started off great.

54. I'm about to set a new record for projectile vomiting.

55. Come on, it reminds me of my sexiest kiss.

56. Our honeymoon, standing waist deep in the ocean...

57. I think you were in at the bar.

58. OK, gotta go.

59. - Come on. - Be brilliant today.

60. I always am.

61. I hit my head so hard, I saw cartoon birds.

62. I was in pediatrics and it was just the wallpaper.

63. Stunning. Look, Tammy, as far as your love life goes,

64. normally, I couldn't care less

65. who's laying your quivering body down by the fire,

66. while your lips whisper, "No, no"

67. but your eyes scream, "Yes! Yes!"

68. "Oh, big daddy, yes!"

69. But when you're dating Jordan's sissy-poo,

70. it forces me to spend time with you outside of the hospital,

71. and I just won't have that, so here's the deal.

72. Don't wanna have dinner or go bowling with you

73. and I never ever again want to walk

74. into my kitchen and hear you say,

75. It's waffle time, it's waffle time

76. Won't you have some waffles of mine?

77. Bottom line, we'll be bestest friends foreverest,

78. if you just keep your face out of my face.

79. - She's my patient. - Guys, how are you?

80. I'm great. You know me, I'm up, up, up,

81. then some fashion Nazi on the E-Network says that

82. pear-shaped people shouldn't wear stripes

83. and whoosh, guess who's ear-deep in

84. mint chocolate chip ice cream?

85. Me.

86. If you leave it an hour, it's like milk shake.

87. If it's not totally melted, it hits you in the face.

88. - That'd go everywhere. - Once I got Chunky Monkey

89. in my eye.

90. What brings Ms. Tracy to us?

91. Oh, Her landlord found her passed out.

92. Lucky me, I couldn't pay my rent.

93. A recent study found that doctors

94. spend an average of 15 seconds listening to a patient.

95. It sounds insensitive, but the truth is,

96. it's all the time you need.

97. - How do you feel? - Awesome.

98. - Ms. Tracy. - Headachey, nauseous

99. and embarrassed that my landlord saw me in my granny panties.

100. Oh dear. We're gonna run some tests and figure this out.

101. I'll be here...

102. if you...

103. Hmmm.

104. Ow!

105. Sorry! If that gets infected, I'm a doctor.

106. Look, you keep going to the right,

107. so this time aim at that guy and you'll hit the board.

108. Those two are best friends now?

109. I know.

110. I wonder what it was

111. that made them so tight.

112. Elliot!

113. What are you doing here?

114. I'm just meeting some friends here for drinks.

115. Yes, me too. Friends.

116. Hey...

117. Ponch!

118. Damn, I still got it.

119. Wait a second, dude, that was us.

120. I know.

121. Greatest night ever!

122. Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling but the fact is,

123. you ventured into his side of the house.

124. Baring his teeth, huh?

125. OK, now here's what you do.

126. Are you ready?

127. Make a sudden move.

128. Ah, those two!

129. Sir, we've gotten some complaints

130. that the new, discount stethoscopes

131. you ordered are uncomfortably tight.

132. I contacted the manufacturer but apparently, he's decided

133. to focus more on his hand-made smoking paraphernalia.

134. Nonsense. These are fine.

135. Are you OK...?

136. Sweet dancing Jehovah, I've punctured my brain.

137. Boy oh boy, that's some rock. When's the big day?

138. Me? No, never. My fiancé dumped me.

139. I'm just noticing how beautiful his mother's ring is.

140. You know, compared to the fake one I sent back to him. Oops.

141. We found organophosphates in your system.

142. Have you had any exposure to pesticides?

143. Pesticides? No, I don't have any pest problems.

144. Oh, God, that must be so nice.

145. They're just feelings, they'll heal.

146. Don't worry, we're on top of this.

147. OK...

148. Hey, Jordan thinks we should all go to the carnival.

149. The carnival?

150. Oh, I can't go to the carnival. I puke at carnivals. A lot.

151. You don't really puke at carnivals.

152. I do. But I still love 'em.

153. Look, I have an even dandier idea.

154. Why don't you crazy kids do something on your own?

155. Look, Perry, I'm Jordan's sister.

156. So as long as I'm staying in town,

157. you're gonna be seeing a lot of these smiling faces.

158. Smile.

159. I waxed my legs at home last night.

160. Yeah? How did that go?

161. Not great. I can't do it. I'd rather die hairy.

162. Mrs. Koenings needs help to sleep. Haloperidol.

163. It won't put her to sleep. A Benzo'll knock her right out.

164. With Benzos, older people can have a bad reaction.

165. - Have I ever steered you wrong? - Who suggested this?

166. - Smooth. - Benzo it is.

167. Hey, what about this one?

168. Dude, my broccoli is hot.

169. Please tell me you mean temperature-wise.

170. There is no way you find broccoli sexy.

171. Oh, yeah, temperature-wise.

172. And mini-green-boobs-wise.

173. What's up!

174. Sir, I wanted to talk to you about that hernia seminar...

175. OK, sure. We can totally talk later.

176. Hey, Dr. Kelso.

177. I don't know if you heard, but Bernice,

178. the lady who does the P.A. announcements,

179. she just got hit by a bus.

180. I was on the speech team at school...

181. So I was thinking that maybe from now on

182. I could do the announcements.

183. Just until Bernice gets back on her... foot.

184. Splendid.

185. Dr. Cox seems to be having fun.

186. But I think I know why.

187. Whack-a-newbie!

188. Missed me!

189. Whack-a-newbie! Come over here. There you are!

190. Missed me!

191. Whack-a-newbie!

192. Perry?

193. - It's over. - Sorry.

194. We're gonna go eat some more disgusting fried food and

195. then look at the Fat Lady to make ourselves feel better.

196. We'll meet you guys on the Ferris wheel,

197. if your stomach's OK.

198. It's only back-and-forth-y rides that get me.

199. Well, you have done it. It's Friday night

200. and instead of drinking whiskey through my son's sippy cup,

201. I'm actually at a carnival with you, surrounded by...

202. piles of manure, even though I've yet to see a single animal.

203. - That is weird. - I'll tell you what.

204. How about we head right on over there and if you can

205. raise that hammer above your head

206. with those chicken bones you call arms,

207. I'll let you take a free whack at my dome.

208. I already raised the hammer.

209. The only reason I didn't ring the bell

210. is that the game is obviously rigged.

211. Good job, Son!

212. The only positive thing about this whole situation

213. is that it's driving you crazy and

214. there's nothing you can do about it.

215. - Way to go, Tina! - Oh, come on!

216. Dr. Tushi, you're needed in the O.R.

217. Nice name, buddy. Beat up in high school much?

218. - It's OK. - What's going on?

219. She's having a reaction to the Benzo.

220. There are a lot of ways to get

221. the upper hand in a relationship.

222. Oh, I gave the guy half a corndog

223. so we can all ride foursies.

224. Just go.

225. Corndog.

226. It can happen with a simple request.

227. Could you take a look at my ears.

228. It can happen because of a mistake.

229. Mrs. Koenings stabilized, so D/C the Posey vest.

230. That's never happened to me with a Benzo. I think...

231. What do you think? Did you think maybe I'm the doctor?

232. That's what I think so maybe you should just D/C the vest

233. and keep your opinion to yourself.

234. Still, even when you have the upper hand,

235. it's important to be careful.

236. Because some people fight dirty.

237. You know, Danni,

238. I think it's amazing that you're actually comfortable dating J.D.

239. what with him having nailed Jordan and all.

240. Sorry, folks, little problem here.

241. Get you down in about an hour or so.

242. I don't feel so good.

243. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to

244. say exactly what's in your heart.

245. I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.

246. I'm sorry I wore sandals.

247. And, Danni, that whole thing with Jordan...

248. It's so long ago, I don't remember it.

249. You keep a sex-journal of all your experiences under your bed.

250. Gotta stop showing that to new girlfriends.

251. Look, You should have told me.

252. But I'm not gonna let it mess things up

253. with the guy I'm falling in love with.

254. Thank God. Do you wanna get some pineapple pizza?

255. I think I'll probably just go inside and wash my feet.

256. That's robot for "good night".

257. Peace.

258. All right, people, listen up.

259. Dr. Kelso has ruptured both his eardrums.

260. You can say whatever you want to him

261. as long as you've got a smile on your face.

262. Bob, you stupid mother...

263. Thanks for the kind words, gang.

264. - Yes? - Carla, look,

265. I just wanted to apologize.

266. I'm so glad. I didn't want us to stay mad at each other.

267. It's my fault, I should never have listened to you.

268. I need to be a strong enough doctor

269. to ignore you when you won't shut up.

270. That's so sweet.

271. All medical personnel,

272. report to the second floor for a catfight.

273. Catfight on the second floor.

274. We sent Hazmat guys over to your apartment.

275. But there were no signs of pesticides.

276. They also said you mixed Art Deco with Indonesian antiques.

277. I think that is so daring.

278. Reel it in, Queer Eye.

279. Thanks, guys. Honestly, I can't remember the

280. last time anyone was this nice to me.

281. Well, you know... We gotta go.

282. Your little cheap shot didn't land.

283. Danni isn't mad at me at all.

284. Hey, baby. You comin' to give Pop-pops

285. some candy? 'Cause I'm hungry.

286. OK, later's fine too.

287. Oh yeah. I mean, I can feel the love all over.

288. Can you believe Elliot giving me all that attitude?

289. Two weeks ago, a nurse with 20 years' experience

290. told me I was tying the wrong suture.

291. - I bet you listened to her. - I kicked her ass out the O.R.

292. - But you were nice about it? - No, I made her cry.

293. The point is, baby, whatever happens

294. with this patient is on my shoulders.

295. It's the same with Elliot.

296. That's why your relationship's complicated.

297. Outside this hospital, you're the boss of Elliot.

298. You're the boss of me and you're the boss of everyone.

299. But in this building, Elliot's in charge.

300. Am I really the boss of everybody outside?

301. Baby, you the boss of everybody in the world.

302. OK.

303. Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is

304. free for his rectal exam.

305. He said you'd know what that means.

306. "Dear Dr. Cox, I think it's important

307. that you know how much I care for Danni

308. and how hurt I was by your attempt

309. to sabotage our relationship."

310. Isn't it enough that I'm reading it?

311. I'm sorry.

312. Always fun to be in the bathroom

313. listening to people talk so clearly

314. you're sure they just heard you pee. You did, didn't you?

315. You start and stop a lot.

316. Lovely. Here.

317. Great news, Ms. Tracy. We're sending you home.

318. I sure wish we could've figured out how

319. that stuff got into your system.

320. Sometimes in medicine you have to just

321. chalk it up to one of life's great mysteries,

322. like crop circles, or this gal's Adam's apple.

323. - I'm a girl, that's original. - Hey, I just want to say,

324. if I don't see you again, thanks and take care.

325. Be well. See you next time.

326. Wanna hear a great letter?

327. No.

328. Hey, everybody. This place has dynamite lamb.

329. - What are you doing here? - I called him.

330. After shooting my mouth off the other night,

331. I've been feeling a lot of...

332. - Guilt. - No. Not that.

333. - Guilt? - Yes, that.

334. I don't like her to be right.

335. You're upset about your sister...

336. If I didn't go out with guys my sister slept with,

337. I wouldn't have had a date to the Prom.

338. - Then what is it? - Last night I told you

339. I was falling in love with you.

340. - You know what you said? - Thank you?

341. You asked me if I wanted to go get pizza.

342. No, pineapple pizza.

343. You can't take this personally. Doctors don't listen to anyone.

344. Please don't lump us together with numb-nuts.

345. Oh, really? This morning I asked you to

346. do me a favor involving my mother.

347. What was it?

348. Well, I can only hope that it had something

349. to do with hiring people to kill her?

350. Oh, come on. I hope you guys listen better to your patients.

351. For some reason, right then,

352. we both knew how those pesticides

353. had gotten in our patient's system.

354. Lucky for me, I couldn't pay my rent this month.

355. That's some rock. When's the big day?

356. Oh me, no, no, never. My fiancé dumped me.

357. I can't remember the last time anyone was this nice to me.

358. I just want to say, if I don't see you again,

359. thanks and take care.

360. She did it to herself.

361. Gotta go.

362. The problem with only listening to a patient for 15 seconds is,

363. sometimes you don't hear everything.

364. When you finally realize what they were trying to say,

365. you might have lost them forever.

366. - Ms. Tracy. - Hey, guys.

367. - We need to talk. - About what?

368. How have things been going lately?

369. OK. Why?

370. Actually, it has...

371. been a couple of rough months.

372. Come on, Jill.

373. Come on.

374. You can never underestimate the importance of listening.

375. A quick note for all my comatose listeners out there.

376. All your lovers have moved on.

377. But, if it's any consolation, my sources tell me they're happy.

378. Well, snooze you lose. In other news...

379. Get off that thing.

380. Listening can affect your career.

381. There you are, you deaf bastard.

382. I hate you so much, every time you utter my name,

383. I wanna stick my fist down your throat

384. and watch you slowly choke on it.

385. Ted, I can hear now.

386. Who's Ted?

387. Listening can even mend a friendship.

388. Carla, could you go get... You know what? Forget it.

389. No, doctor. Just tell me what you need, I'll do it.

390. Give him one gram of Ancef for prophylaxis.

391. Ultimately, it keeps you in the moment.

392. So you don't miss the things that really matter.

393. - Say it again. - No, you have to earn it.

394. I'll try.

395. Oh for God's sake, we're watching a movie here.

396. Kill me.