Scrubs 3x3

Directed by Michael Spiller • Chris Koch

Christopher Meloni as Dr. Norris • Scott Foley as Sean Kelly • Markie Post as Lily Reid • John E. Cheffy as Benjamin • Jace Milstead as Jimmy

Finding difficulties training his interns, J.D. asks to Elliot for some help. She tells J.D. about Sean, who gave Elliot great tips based on his dolphin training that fit perfectly for her interns. Dr. Cox finds the ideal pediatrician for his son: Dr. Norris, who acts and looks just like him. However, Dr. Cox is quick to find a problem with him once Jack develops a cough that scares both him and Jordan.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Today started out like any other day.

2. Ohh. Dolphins won again.

3. - Oh. Tcheh. - Here you go.

4. I'm gonna be hearing about this all day.

5. Dr. Cox and Jordan are still looking for a pediatrician.

6. This time, try not to scare off the doctor?

7. I did not scare off the last guy.

8. You bit him.

9. I tripped, and my teeth hit his shoulder.

10. Uh-huh, and once that happened,

11. did you clamp down a little bit?

12. Jordan? Oh, you come on!

13. Well, he had a bad attitude.

14. So, Zachary, remember what Mr. Cookiepants

15. always says about blowing your nose...

16. What do you want?

17. Well, we're looking for a new pediatrician for our son.

18. And you figured that even though my patient load is full,

19. since you're on the board of directors

20. and Dr. Cox here is not only an attendee at the hospital

21. but also an internationally renowned pain in the ass,

22. you both could show complete disregard for my schedule

23. and make me want to cause you grievous bodily harm

24. even before we've been properly introduced.

25. Hello. I'm Dr. Norris.

26. Charmed.

27. Like I said, same old, same old.

28. You drew on the wall.

29. You drew on the wall.

30. You pulled the paper away!

31. Stop lyin'. It's gonna come off, right?

32. Dan, don't! That's dad's indelible space pen,

33. and prom is in, like, 2 weeks!

34. Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd.

35. I'm here to pick up Amy for...

36. Prom.

37. Yeah, that... that'll come off.

38. You won't have to get laser surgery

39. or skin from your ass or anything.

40. Mmm?

41. Ohh, come on!

42. In a hospital, lots of things last longer

43. than you wish they would.

44. Especially certain stupid relationships

45. with stupid sea world trainers who stole my stupid girl.

46. Well, I've, uh—ahem. I've got whales to train.

47. Stupid whales.

48. Hey, Sean. Right on, brother.

49. - Bye. - Bye.

50. Where the hell are my interns?

51. As third-year residents,

52. you really have to stay on top of your interns.

53. These right here, you see these names?

54. They are called patients! This one needs brain work!

55. - This one needs a heart! - This guy needs courage.

56. Helping or hurting, J.D.? Helping or hurting?

57. The point is they can live or die based on your lame-ass post-ops.

58. So please, people, shape the hell up!

59. Yes, Dr. Turk.

60. Dr. Jerk.

61. The girl one just called you "Dr. Jerk."

62. No sweat. You should hear what they call Dr. Mickhead.

63. What?

64. I decided to take a different tack with my interns.

65. Look, guys, I'm not here to overwork you.

66. Ok, I'm not—I'm not just your resident.

67. I'm your buddy! I'm your go-to guy!

68. I'm J.D.

69. Of course, my tack had its own drawbacks.

70. But it is crucial I have everyone here at 9 A.M. Sharp tomorrow, ok?

71. Oh. Uh, is it cool if I come in at 9:30?

72. Absolutely. Anyone else need to be late?

73. I can't. Bad for me.

74. Ok, well, why don't we just make it 10:00, then?

75. Ok? Break!

76. - I can be here at 9:00. - But I said 10:00!

77. I guess everyone has their own style.

78. Today for lunch the cafeteria has—

79. Bruce, name a manifestation of normal pressure hydrocephalus!

80. - Urinary incontinence. - Hell, yes, Bruce!

81. Go place a Foley Cath on bed 4.

82. As for the rest of team "e," I'm—

83. Well, if it isn't Dr. Haircut

84. and her not-ready-for-prime-time players.

85. Actually, sir, we rock, so feel free to sit back and enjoy the show.

86. Well, don't worry about it, son. Those things are a dime a dozen.

87. - Really? - In fact, if you get bored,

88. why don't you just hijack an ice cream truck

89. and drive it through our brand-new pathology lab?

90. But do me a favor and spare the paper shredder,

91. because I'll need that to turn your next 12 paychecks

92. into a clown wig you can wear for the rest of your internship.

93. Dr. Reid, you may have an exciting new look

94. and a boyfriend who smells vaguely like my tackle box,

95. but I remain, as always, underwhelmed.

96. I think, Dr. Norris, what we're looking for

97. is someone who's not too alarmist

98. but also not too lax, either.

99. Oh, God, please let that someone be me.

100. Look, you're obviously a little busy with your doll.

101. My doll!

102. It's a collectible.

103. Someone's gonna get his ass bit.

104. Right. I think we should probably take off.

105. We're gonna be back to you with our decision.

106. Super. I'll be by my giant pretend phone

107. pretending to give a crap.

108. - Oh, by the way, uh— - Brring!

109. Hello? Gotta take it.

110. Uh-huh.

111. I love him.

112. Of course you do. He's you,

113. and nobody loves you more than you. You know that.

114. Yeah, but still, he is the best pediatrician on staff

115. and since we both work here, we can have a lot of pull over him.

116. I mean, come on, Jordan!

117. You haven't let me make one decision about our son,

118. which is why, by the way, you'll be doing the answering

119. when he asks why daddy's wee-wee

120. doesn't have a turtleneck on it like his.

121. - Yeah, fine. Whatever you say. - Hey, Carla.

122. Hey, I had to redo the N.G. Tube

123. one of your nurses put on Mrs. Himmel,

124. so if you could spread the word

125. to leave that to me and my guys, it would be great.

126. Oh, no problem, Bambi.

127. Oh, but the reason my nurses had to do that

128. is because none of your interns know how,

129. so if you keep flapping your mouth

130. without knowing all the facts,

131. I'm gonna see if I can fit my foot in it.

132. Ok. Good talk.

133. Brian, you know how to place an N.G. Tube, don't you?

134. You did it for me both times.

135. Jimmy, didn't you do one yesterday?

136. No, you let me go home 'cause I forgot to set my TiVo

137. for the Styx: Behind the music.

138. Do not miss that! It's awesome! Seth?

139. That was when I realized

140. what I had turned my interns into.

141. Bruce, this is gonna be your third Foley Cath in a row.

142. You can do this.

143. You didn't need to page me 17 times

144. between the time I bought the rum raisin muffin

145. and then threw it away because alcoholism runs in my family.

146. After this morning,

147. I just wanted to make sure that I really have this down.

148. - What are you doing? - It's just a nervous habit.

149. It helps me concentrate.

150. Yeah, well, you know what helps me concentrate?

151. - Me not doing that? - No. Bunnies.

152. Say, I don't wanna embarrass you there, big Jack,

153. but, uh, you've got a little something on your face.

154. Hardly notice it.

155. What was that?

156. I mean, come on, Jordan.

157. Don't tell me you're gonna be one of those parents

158. who makes a big deal out of every single cough.

159. Look out, Mickhead!

160. Uh! Ow!

161. Ok, tough guy. Good night.

162. What the—?

163. Maybe I diluted this too much.

164. Aah!

165. Well, can't blame the cleanser.

166. Even though my interns sucked,

167. I decided to turn it into a positive.

168. Elliot, I need some pointers on how to deal with my interns.

169. Aah!

170. Hey, Doug.

171. Anyway, do you think we could, like,

172. meet up after work or something?

173. Sure. What did you have in mind?

174. Uhh! Uhh!

175. Nothing major.

176. You know, Benjamin, it's not a bad thing

177. that you play with it, it's just that your mom wants you

178. to take breaks for meals.

179. Jack here, Jack here's got a cough,

180. and on account of the meconium problem he had at birth,

181. I'm thinking it just might be pneumonia.

182. Benjamin, take this cup. Fill her up, all right?

183. What in the hell do you think you are doing,

184. you arrogant, son of a bitch?

185. If you ever interrupt an exam of mine again,

186. I will personally take my stethoscope

187. and shove it up your—

188. Benjamin. What happened?

189. - I don't have to go. - That happens to the big boys, too.

190. Try again. Go on.

191. - Is his temperature under 100.5? - Barely.

192. Eating, peeing, pooing?

193. Sometimes all at the same time.

194. Come on, it's a really persistent cough.

195. What do you say?

196. Office hours. Tomorrow, 5:00. Bye-bye.

197. I'm gonna go ahead and put this in a language

198. that you can understand.

199. You had better see my son now,

200. or I'm gonna kick your ass.

201. Ohh.

202. Ok, here she comes.

203. Don't be over-eager.

204. - Elliot! Over here! - Hey.

205. - Wow. You look great. - Thanks.

206. Oh, hey, J.D.

207. Hey, Sean's here, everybody. Hey, Sean. Hey!

208. You know, since he's a trainer, Sean is really good

209. with behavior and communication.

210. I mean, he helped me so much with my interns

211. that I thought maybe he could help you with yours.

212. Ok, stay calm. At least she's here, too.

213. Oh, Bruce again. Got to go.

214. - Mm-mmm. Bye. - Bye.

215. This'll be fun.

216. And just like that

217. I had another rough night ahead of me.

218. At least I wasn't the only one.

219. You paged me for another Foley Catheter?

220. I'm great at these now.

221. - Oh. - Just watch this one.

222. Don't mind if I do.

223. Yep, it's gonna be a long night.

224. I'm right here, Bruce.

225. Hello, David. I've been expecting you.

226. Yeah, I just thought I'd come by

227. and play with some of your stuffed animals.

228. And I know, I know, they're "for the kids".

229. Also, I wanted to let you know

230. that I will be bringing my son by this morning.

231. Yeah, I don't think so there, chief.

232. - Where's Mr. Cookiepants? - Oh, que pasa?

233. I said where's Mr. Cookiepants?

234. He's in a safe place, Dave.

235. If you touch one hair on his head,

236. I swear to God, I'll inject your kid with chickenpox.

237. - No, you won't. - I know.

238. For God's sake, it's an innocent doll!

239. No, David. It's a collectible.

240. Whatever.

241. This kid's a good doctor, he just falls apart

242. every time Kelso looks over his shoulder.

243. Why don't you just tell Kelso to back off?

244. I've taken a lot of positive steps this year,

245. but when it comes to standing up to Kelso,

246. I just can't get over that hump yet.

247. - He's like my white whale. - Mine's Frank.

248. Oh, no. I meant like in Moby Dick.

249. Kelso is a giant pain in my ass.

250. Oh. Well... 'Cause I love Frank.

251. Just he can drive me crazy every now and then.

252. Every day! Every day!

253. Every day.

254. Hey, J.D., I was thinking we'd start out by me, you know,

255. watching how you interact with your interns.

256. Your brain's gonna tell you to be a little self-conscious,

257. but you just need to ignore the voice in your head.

258. Kick him in the crotch and run.

259. I'll try, Sean.

260. Be nice to the teacher, ok? I'm sleeping with him.

261. Oh, my God. I haven't said that since college.

262. Norris isn't budging.

263. He just moved the appointment back to 6:00, the rat bastard.

264. Watch your language in front of the kid,

265. you stupid Mickey-fickey!

266. - What? - See I am adapting.

267. You, on the other hand are behaving like a complete lunatic.

268. No, I'm not.

269. - Carla. - Hmm?

270. You're one of them bossy-pants types

271. who always tells people their problems

272. whether they ask for it or not, right?

273. I like to think I've learned when to hold back.

274. You're in. You've totally lost sight of what's important here.

275. You are a parent now, ok?

276. You don't come first anymore. No.

277. You've got to do what's best for your son,

278. even if it means sucking up to the one doctor on earth

279. who's more obnoxious than you are.

280. - Well... - Oh, my God.

281. I love doing that so much, it makes my hands shake a little.

282. So how are your interns doing?

283. It still burns a little, but at least I can hear ok.

284. Fantastic, sport, but that's the brachial artery,

285. and it's not how we draw blood.

286. Now, if we need to inject him with heroin,

287. you'll be the first one I call.

288. - Dr. Kelso— - What is it, Dr. Reid?

289. - Do you have something to say? - No.

290. You know something? You remind me of her so much,

291. you're just a breakdown in the supply closet away

292. from being the same person.

293. Brian, if you're having that much trouble with your case report,

294. I'll be glad to take a look at it for you, pal.

295. Cool. Try to have it back by 5:00.

296. Ok, I have a lot of things to do, but...

297. J.D., can I offer a little constructive criticism?

298. Kick him in the crotch, damn it! The crotch!

299. You're worried so much about whether your interns like you or not

300. that I don't think they respect you very much.

301. I had one of mine run out this morning and get me some dome wax.

302. - Check it, zing!

303. It's really shiny. - Yeah!

304. You know, I had the same problem

305. when I started working with the dolphins.

306. Ok, that's it. I'm sorry. Sean, I'm a doctor, ok?

307. I'm teaching humans, not dolphins, ok?

308. So it isn't really helpful for me to know what works on fish.

309. They're mammals, actually.

310. Ho, ho, well! Sean!

311. Unfortunately for me, my interns aren't mammals!

312. - J.D., they are. - I don't care, Sean.

313. Come on, Turk!

314. Just wanted you to know I don't have a problem with you.

315. I just can't resist a good storm-off.

316. Oh. Who can?

317. Stain, I won't lie to ya.

318. This is gonna hurt a little bit.

319. - Why don't you just paint over it? - Hmm.

320. You believe that crap Sean was saying?

321. He was right. Even in college,

322. you cared way too much about everybody liking you.

323. Hey, who wants to help me move?

324. Me.

325. J.D., could you walk my dog tonight

326. while I have casual sex with your friend Miguel?

327. Love to!

328. Hey, who wants to help me move back?

329. I know where it all goes.

330. Think about it, man.

331. Cox has taught you the most since you've been here, right?

332. Do you really think he gives a damn whether you like him or not?

333. - I like to think so. - Outta my way, space waster.

334. I felt the love.

335. Catch him and kick him in his junk!

336. Enjoy.

337. I didn't cut the hand off. I used a different puppet for that.

338. If you want, you can give that one to me, and I can fix it.

339. And have it. For the kids.

340. Disturbing fetishes aside, I feel like I owe you an apology

341. on account of acting like a jackass,

342. but I don't think that my son should be the one who has to pay for it.

343. You actually think that I would endanger the health of a child

344. because you're a jackass?

345. Look, buddy, most of the parents I deal with are jackasses.

346. Now, don't get me wrong. You're in the top 5.

347. - Thank you! - You're welcome.

348. So the reason why I've yet to see your child

349. is because he has the sniffles.

350. - The sniffles. - The sniffles!

351. Look, you're a doctor.

352. You have what I like to call the burden of knowledge.

353. You're gonna be worse than every parent who freaks out

354. because their kid eats playdough, why?

355. Because you've seen too much.

356. You've seen what can really go wrong.

357. And if you don't get a handle on that, it's gonna crush you.

358. - You have kids? - One.

359. She hates dolls.

360. - Boy, that's a bummer. - Tell me about it.

361. That's horrible work. Horrible!

362. Dr. Kelso, I do have something to say.

363. Remember earlier you asked me if I had something to say?

364. - No. - Well, you did.

365. And the reason that I came back here is because you said

366. that Bruce and I are alike, and you know what? You're right.

367. Because you're treating him the exact same way you treated me

368. when I first got here.

369. Dr. Kelso, you only judge us by these 20-minute pressure-filled windows

370. that you see us through twice a week.

371. You never get to know us or how hard we really work,

372. because if you did you'd realize

373. that a lot of the times when we fail, it's not our fault.

374. It's yours.

375. Is that how you feel, future dentist?

376. Well...

377. Sometimes you make me feel like,

378. I can't do anything well,

379. - and I can do lots of things well. - Like what?

380. I'm a pretty solid human beat box.

381. Bruce, I think he was talking about medical things.

382. No, no. I'd like to hear him demonstrate this beef box thing.

383. Ok. Uh...

384. I guess this one goes out to my boy Wayne in room 302.

385. He has fluid in his lungs.

386. He's got fluid.

387. He's got fluid.

388. Young man, enjoy your moment.

389. Oh, my God, Bruce, that was amazing!

390. - Where did you learn how to do that? - In temple.

391. You're right. I can totally see my reflection.

392. Tell your friends, baby.

393. Hey, Sean. You were right about me and my interns.

394. I guess I owe you an apology.

395. Damn straight you do.

396. You know what your problem is, Bambi...

397. Oh, Turk, please. Just one more second.

398. I need the rush. Please. I'm comin' back for you.

399. J.D., it's no big deal.

400. We both know that it wasn't about that.

401. You like Elliot.

402. - Sorry. - Don't sweat it.

403. You're not pissed off?

404. I'd be pissed off. Why aren't you pissed off?

405. I don't know.

406. I guess I just... I don't see you as that much of a threat.

407. Oh. Cool.

408. I don't care.

409. All that matters is finding a way to sleep at night.

410. Whether it's finally standing up to your white whale...

411. Painting over your black spot.

412. Or imagining Shamu taking Sean's arm off.

413. You don't need a doctor to tell you

414. that a good night's sleep can fix almost anything.

415. He's got fluid