Scrubs 3x16

Directed by Henry Chan

Robert Maschio as Todd • Aloma Wright as Laverne Roberts • Zaid Farid as Mr. Strauss • Renee Ryan as Mrs. Janitor • Donald Sage Mackay as Doctor

An ever present butterfly prompts the question on what could have happened different as Turk looks for his lucky do-rag for surgery, and Elliot tries to find a lost stuffed animal for a child needing a bone marrow transplant.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Look, Carol, I know you think you look dashing in your navy blue scrubs,

2. but I can't deal with the fact that I walk into the front door of this place

3. and I find you standing there taaaalking at me.

4. All I said was "good morning".

5. Exactly! And who in God's name wants to hear that every day?

6. "Good morning." In the immortal words of Daffy Duck:

7. I demand that you shoot me now.

8. If only.

9. I couldn't help but think two things.

10. First, I do look stunning in these navy scrubs —

11. I mean, come on, who wants a taste?

12. Second, everyone's day begins differently around here.

13. The surgeons for instance are the most superstitious bunch.

14. So they always start their mornings

15. with an oddly homo-erotic ass slap...

16. Dude! Too deep!

17. and then their own personal good luck rituals.

18. Ohhh, where's my lucky Tabasco 'do-rag!

19. Why don't you just use Power Rangers?

20. How are Power Rangers as lucky as Tabasco?

21. You remember when communications with Zordon

22. went down and the Megazord was destroyed?

23. How did I miss that episode?

24. Ohh, that's right — I was making love to a woman.

25. Power Rangers, hoooaaa!

26. All you can really hope is that nothing bites you on the ass.

27. Gaby, you all set for your bone marrow transplant today?

28. I'm scared. I wanted to bring my stuffed pink doggie with me,

29. but Mean Nurse says I can't.

30. Well, I promise you you'll have it.

31. Honestly, Mean Nurse, why would you say that?

32. Because she lost her stuffed pink doggie two days ago.

33. Frick!

34. Since I been wearing that Tabasco 'do-rag,

35. my surgery record's like 23 and 0.

36. Are you counting the boil you lanced yesterday?

37. Did he die? No, he did not.

38. The point is, I gotta stick with whatever's hot.

39. Like last month, it was not wearing any underwear.

40. So why don't you just take off your underwear?

41. That's what I keep telling him!

42. Todd knows about the underwear thing?

43. No.

44. Oh, yeah.

45. Look, the 'do-rag still has the juice, okay?

46. I mean, can you imagine what could happen without it?

47. I can't find any kind of obstruction!

48. Keep looking. It must be there!

49. I felt it!

50. Powerful, tiny fists...

51. Hm!

52. He's back.

53. Some people say everything comes down to luck...

54. I need my lucky 'do-rag!

55. What I believe is that the most minor event —

56. even a butterfly flapping its wings —

57. can affect everything.

58. Hillside landing.

59. Because once that seemingly insignificant event happens...

60. What is wrong with you!

61. Baby, I wasn't looking at her lovelies. Okay?

62. I was looking at the butterfly that just happened

63. to land on her lovelies. And who could blame it?

64. There they are, all snuggly and safe and whatnot...

65. It sets everything else in motion.

66. Uncomfortable!

67. Okay, who do I kill?

68. She did it!

69. Man, I don't wanna clean this up!

70. Well, then, I think you picked

71. the wrong day to be the janitor.

72. Janitor? Could you help me find

73. a little girl's pink stuffed doggie?

74. I would love to, Darlin', but I'm

75. a little bit busy right now.

76. And insignificant events can lead to significant events.

77. Like me being on time and Dr. Cox being late for a change.

78. Where the hell is Dr. Cox?

79. His shift started four minutes ago!

80. Uh-oh. You've gotta cover for him.

81. Have to learn to play the banjo.

82. Dammit, son, are you listening to me?

83. Yes, sir!

84. And buy a banjo.

85. Hey, fellas. What'd I miss?

86. And here he is!

87. Goodness gracious.

88. Suddenly I'm getting the most intense headache.

89. Better. Worse. Better. Worse.

90. I could do this all day!

91. You know, Perry, since Dr. Dorian was on time

92. and you were busy in the break room coming up

93. with that hilarious "better-worse" bit, maybe

94. you should answer to him all day.

95. Uh, Dr. Kelso? That's my pen.

96. Nice grab.

97. Well, I'm a lefty.

98. You know, my head's probably going to melt

99. when I say this but Kelso's idea wasn't half bad.

100. Letting you run this place for a day

101. would be a great educational experience.

102. And, come on, let's face facts — the training bra's

103. got to come off eventually. So, it's your show, Debbie.

104. Is this moment just the way you always pictured it?

105. It's your show, Debbie. Is this moment just

106. like you always pictured?

107. Stupid homemade dolls...

108. It's a little bigger...?

109. Ehhhhh.

110. Turk, I just got off of a 12-hour shift.

111. I'm starving and I have yet to take

112. a single bathroom break — which, by the way,

113. is why I'm dancing a little — and you want me

114. to run home, search through your nasties,

115. and bring back your lucky 'do-rag?

116. And if you could be back in twenty minutes

117. that'd be great.

118. Nurse Espinosa, your shift ended nine minutes ago.

119. How is it that your time card isn't punched out?

120. Well, sir, I—

121. Dr. Kelso, how is it that you had an ambulance

122. take you to your dinner reservation last night

123. just so you wouldn't lose it?

124. How do you know that?

125. Because I'm the "homeboy" you screamed at to get my

126. "ghettomobile" off the road.

127. Turk! I don't need you to fight my battles for me.

128. It makes me look like I can't defend myself!

129. You're absolutely right, baby. And I apologize! Remember! 'Do-rag!

130. Huh!

131. Hello?

132. Hey, it's Elliot. What are you doing?

133. Nothing disgusting.

134. I can't find that girl's little pink doggie anywhere.

135. I got a pink doggie for you — but it is not little.

136. Okay, if you show me your penis, I'm gonna take it away from you.

137. Cool.

138. Yeah, that was Todd.

139. Don't worry about the doggie. I'll be right there.

140. Basically, I've had nausea and stomach pains for a couple of days now.

141. Mr. Strauss, I don't wanna tell you how to live your life,

142. but maybe you should avoid eating sushi from the Gas 'n' Go.

143. It came free with the fill-up! What am I supposed to do,

144. just throw it away?

145. Yes. Yes, you are. Fortunately, though,

146. your vitals are normal, so we'll check back

147. with you in a little while.

148. Sounds to me like a G.I. bleed.

149. Sounds to me like angina.

150. Look, Newbie, if you leave this hospital

151. knowing only one thing — and, God save me,

152. it seems like there's a pretty good chance

153. that just might happen — let that one thing be this:

154. that medicine is a collaborative effort.

155. And that means that your opinion is just

156. as important as mine. So, let's see if

157. you got the gobstoppers to take the lead.

158. Be me!

159. Come on... you can do this.

160. Navy scrubs! Navy scrubs! Navy scrubs!

161. Hhhheeeere's the deal, Eleanor:

162. We're gonna go ahead and get a full work-up on this guy.

163. So, while I drop an NG tube and do a gastric lavage,

164. why don't you go ahead and get an order

165. on EKG with cardio biomarkers.

166. If you need to know where those are,

167. they're on page 37 of the Ann Taylor catalog —

168. right next to that salmon cable-knit sweater

169. you've wanted for so long but haven't had

170. the courage to order...'cause you're worried

171. the weave's so thin, your nipples might just

172. go ahead and peek their little pink selves through.

173. Isn't that right, Dr. Cox.

174. Dr. Cox...

175. Oh, I-I-I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little world,

176. talking to myself and dreaming about candy bracelets.

177. I don't like candy bracelets.

178. I love them!

179. Now you gotta grab that elevator.

180. But not without giving him his patented shoulder bump!

181. Good day.

182. OW!

183. How you like me now?

184. Hey, you find your pink doggie yet?

185. Nope. But I had the pleasure

186. of meeting Helen, the laundry room lady.

187. Oh, I think I know her! Does she have blonde hair?

188. No.

189. Brown hair?

190. Y-nuh-uh.

191. No hair!

192. That's the one.

193. Yeah, that's from the dryers.

194. Hey! You know, the janitor's still downstairs.

195. Why don't we just check his custodial closet?

196. Hey. You're not welcome here.

197. 'Sup.

198. Randall?

199. Just got the job, brah.

200. So that's why he's been back in my dreams...

201. Beat it.

202. Gotta go.

203. Did you bring my lucky 'do-rag?

204. Why don't you wear the fluffy

205. puppies 'do-rag that I got you for Lent?

206. Baby, I hate to tell you this, but the fluffy puppies?

207. They killed like three people — they banned from the O.R.

208. Well, what do you want me to do, Turk? I forgot!

209. You forgot. You never pay attention to the little things

210. that are important to me.

211. You'd be surprised how when one thing goes wrong around here,

212. everything seems to go wrong.

213. What happened?

214. Vitals are tanking!

215. No pulse in lower extremities.

216. I don't get it, he wasn't showing any signs of distress!

217. Come on, come on, come on! We gotta make a decision here.

218. Uh... let's get him a CT angiogram — stat.

219. Good.

220. It's an aortic dissection. It's bad.

221. Call surgery. Tell 'em we're on our way.

222. In a hospital, it's hard to avoid letting people down.

223. Whether it's someone you made a promise to...

224. I want my doggie!

225. I'm so sorry.

226. Let's go, Gandhi! You're on!

227. or someone you love...

228. I gotta go.

229. Turk, I'm sorry!

230. or even letting down

231. someone you barely knew at all.

232. In the end, it's the "what ifs"

233. that hurt the most. Like, what if

234. things had gone a little differently?

235. Lookit, it's just that aortic dissections

236. are a doctor's worst nightmare.

237. If you don't catch 'em early, there's

238. about a ninety percent mortality rate.

239. I mean, honestly, unless your patient

240. was lucky enough to trip and fall

241. into a CAT-scan machine, he wasn't gonna

242. have a happy ending. Newbie, we didn't have

243. a chance on this one.

244. Me, I don't believe in fate. I believe

245. we have more control than we think,

246. and that every action has a reaction. After all...

247. The most minor event — even a butterfly

248. flapping its wings — can change everything.

249. Sometimes for the better. Even if

250. it doesn't seem like it at first.

251. Look away.

252. I can't.

253. It's funny how a seemingly insignificant

254. event can set everything else in motion.

255. Hillside landing.

256. What is wrong with you? I can't believe

257. you're looking at that guy's cleavage

258. while Suzy Big-Rack over there is sitting

259. there busting out of her niece's tank top.

260. How the hell did I miss that?

261. Damn, you're whipped.

262. Uh-uh!

263. Kssshhh!

264. Mmmm! Orange Goo Goo!

265. Ain't nothing here for you, mooch!

266. All done.

267. Janitor, could you help me look for

268. a little girl's pink stuffed doggie?

269. I would love to. I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.

270. You are like... the sweetest guy!

271. I'm blushing.

272. Heh. So charming. Could you be half

273. as nice to me as you are to her?

274. You are right. We need a fresh start. Come on.

275. Fresh start.

276. Mm-hmm.

277. I think we need a longer fresh start.

278. How long do ya... suppose this'll be?

279. Probably ten minutes.

280. Ease into it. Let's mix it up —

281. let's saw some wood. There we go. Nice. Very good.

282. And insignificant events can lead to significant events.

283. Like me being late because I was in the world's longest handshake.

284. Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?

285. Take a wild guess.

286. I should get Turk a washboard!

287. Son, do you think I got to be chief of medicine by being late?

288. Nooo, Bobbo! You got there by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.

289. Maybe so, but I started those things promptly at 8.

290. Uh, Dr. Kelso? That's my pen.

291. Nice grab.

292. I'm a righty.

293. Ehhhhh.

294. You want me to go all the way home and search through

295. your nasties and bring back your lucky 'do-rag?

296. And if you could be back in twenty minutes, that'd be great.

297. Nurse Espinosa, your shift ended nine minutes ago.

298. How is it that your time card isn't punched out?

299. Well, sir—

300. Start punching out on time or I'll punch you out on time!

301. I don't mean that violently, I was just trying to turn a phrase.

302. Turk! Why didn't you stand up for me?

303. Baby, you said I was too whipped.

304. I need you to be more supportive.

305. You're absolutely right, baby. And I apologize!

306. Remember! 'Do-rag!

307. Hey, Helen.

308. Hey, cutie.

309. Janitor? Thanks again for your help,

310. but I know that you're busy. I mean, I could just call Carla, and—

311. No! Mark my words: We will find that little girl's stuffed animal.

312. You are really taking a personal interest in this!

313. Mommy! Where's my teddy bear?

314. Oh. I must have accidentally thrown it out when I was cleaning up.

315. You know, this never would have happened if your room weren't so filthy.

316. Never again.

317. Ewww.

318. Eeeuugh!

319. Ugh.

320. Oh, hey. Thanks, Rowdy.

321. Hey, by the way, as soon as we're married, you're outta here.

322. Basically, I've had nausea and stomach pains for a couple of days now.

323. Maybe you should avoid eating sushi from the Gas 'n' Go.

324. It came free with the fill-up! What am I supposed to do, just throw it away?

325. Yes. Yes, you are. Fortunately, though, your vitals are normal,

326. so we'll check back with you in a little while.

327. Sounds to me like a G.I. bleed.

328. Look, Newbie, if you go ahead and leave this hospital

329. knowing only one thing — and God save me, it looks like

330. there's a real chance that might happen — please let

331. this be that one thing: I'm in charge, and I don't care

332. about your opinion. Now go get me a cup of coffee.

333. Whatever. Just avoid the shoulder bump, catch the elevator,

334. and make a great wise-ass remark before the doors close!

335. Hoohoo, hey, Dr. Cox, if you're so smart, maybe you should just...

336. go ahead and be the... you're the kind of...

337. Oh, dammit!

338. I don't know what happened there. I'm usually quick and funny...

339. So I had this guy today presenting vomiting and

340. abdominal pain? Two hours and one CT later, I tell him

341. he's got ischemic bowel.

342. Mm.

343. Have you ever noticed that words that rhyme

344. with "bowel" are always bad? Like "scowl", "growl"...

345. "movies with Andie MacDowell"...

346. You're right, J.D. You are funny.

347. Stop.

348. Ischemic bowel! That's it!

349. Uhhmmm...

350. Heeeeyyy! Get outta here.

351. It's all right, Butchie, she's with me.

352. Where is that lost & found box?

353. Over here, brah.

354. Why does it say "free stuff"?

355. Heh-heh. I have no idea.

356. Hey-hey-hey! Is that what you're looking for?

357. Awesome! What time is it?

358. Uhhh... 4:30.

359. Dibs.

360. Dibs.

361. Butchie.

362. Dude!

363. Back to work!

364. You found it! Ha!

365. 'Course I did.

366. See, that's what I love about you, baby.

367. You always pick up on the little things that are important to me.

368. Yeah, that's my job.

369. Ah.

370. You'd be surprised how when one thing

371. goes right around here, everything seems to go right.

372. Look, Dr. Cox, I know my opinion doesn't mean anything

373. and I'm always wrong and apparently useless —

374. which deep down you know isn't true because...

375. shoot, I forgot your coffee. Anyway, I was thinking

376. we should get a CT scan on Mr. Strauss, because

377. he might have bowel ischemia.

378. You know what, what the hell. It can't hurt. Let's get on it.

379. All right.

380. It doesn't look like he's ischemic.

381. No, Newbie, but that right there is the start

382. of an aortic dissection, and dammit all if we didn't catch it early.

383. Is that good?

384. That's very good. Laverne, will you call

385. the O.R. and have it prepped?

386. In a hospital, it's great when you get to come through for someone.

387. Thanks!

388. See you when you wake up.

389. Will you be joining us, there, Gandhi?

390. Good luck.

391. Already got it.

392. Of course, it still doesn't always work out the way you'd hope.

393. Rachel, clean up.

394. In the end, you learn to treasure the times when things go your way.

395. So glad you're okay!

396. And be there for the ones you love when they don't.

397. And most importantly, you learn to accept that

398. some things are out of your hands.

399. Didn't matter when we caught it, Newbie.

400. It was just his time.

401. Yeah...

402. But still, with so much of life left up to chance,

403. you can't help but look back and wonder...

404. What if things had been different...?