Scrubs 3x11

Directed by Chris Koch

Robert Maschio as Todd • Aloma Wright as Laverne Roberts • Tara Reid as Danni • Jordan Feldman as Scott Gerber • Joyce Fessides as Mrs. Gorski

J.D. tries to break-up with Danni, but she beats him to it when she realizes that she will always be second place to Elliot in his heart. Dr. Cox suddenly becomes a nice guy and Elliot changes back to her old self after Dr. Kelso criticizes her new look.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Hey, chocolate bear.

2. I didn't have time to shower. Did you wax your dome?

3. I sure did, why?

4. - Thanks, pal. - Uh-huh.

5. Hold up.

6. Chapped.

7. Easy, mooch, that stuff is 40 bucks a tin.

8. With hospital hours, you don't have time

9. to worry about your appearance.

10. It may sound sexist,

11. but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable.

12. Hey, Janice, is it windy out?

13. No. Why do you always ask me that?

14. Because I'm captain of my kite flying team.

15. The Mighty Kites?

16. OK, just say something innocuous.

17. Good morning, gentlemen.

18. The truth is most of them don't even bother trying,

19. except, of course...

20. Hey, girlfriends.

21. How do you have time to look so good every morning?

22. Oh, this?

23. Yeah, it doesn't take long.

24. I guess everyone has their morning routines.

25. Hi, cutie. Since you have so many balls

26. and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant,

27. Brantley here was wondering if he

28. could borrow one to play with.

29. That's funny because Jack was just wondering

30. why the crazy lady who spent the last hour chain smoking

31. and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand

32. would come over to two complete strangers

33. and give them parenting advice.

34. He also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.

35. I love our family.

36. Married with Children? Awesome.

37. - Has Kelly been on yet? - Here she comes.

38. - Hi, Daddy. - Whooo!

39. Where's Danni? We're gonna be late for our movie.

40. Whoooo!

41. Stop. Let me just go grab a sweater. I love you.

42. - She's using the "L" word now. - We're not really that serious.

43. This isn't the movies.

44. I just wanted you to see this because if I move here,

45. this would be the type of place we could afford.

46. - Out-of-body experience? - Yeah.

47. I have to break up with her.

48. Dude, relax. Enjoy the show.

49. Have a Bugle.

50. Your ghost hands is cold.

51. J.D.

52. I wanted to put them on my fingers

53. and pretend I had witch nails.

54. - What? - Nothing.

55. Mmmm!

56. I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten

57. talking to you over these last few months.

58. I'd still be with my old shrink

59. if I hadn't cut across the park the day of the Renaissance Fair

60. and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to

61. likes to put on a big giant beard

62. and make pretend that he is a blacksmith.

63. Anyway, something weird has been going on with me lately.

64. I have been sleeping more, I have been drinking alone less.

65. I've even started complimenting people.

66. Come on, get your pump on.

67. God help me, Sluggo, if you get any more buff

68. I'll be absolutely sure that you're gay.

69. I'm gonna get more buff.

70. Doctor Cox never compliments me.

71. Well, he should.

72. Your new look has changed my perspective.

73. For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges.

74. This is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs,

75. tough and spunky.

76. That is exactly the look that I was going for.

77. Really?

78. Hey, how about I give you a ride to your next destination?

79. To the morgue!

80. Watch it!

81. So did you break up with her?

82. I was going to last night

83. but I looked in her eyes and I realized how rare it is

84. to meet someone who's actually willing to have sex with me.

85. How did you have sex with her?

86. You know how the couch in the living room has those high arms.

87. A guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive,

88. no matter how he feels about her.

89. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom

90. and then offered to have sex with me,

91. I'd have to dial 911 in the nude

92. because my pants would already be off.

93. That's sweet. While your mother lays there dying.

94. - Tell her. - His mom doesn't die.

95. Tyra uses her supermodel connections to get government

96. scientists to put Turk's mom's brain into Heidi Klum's body.

97. She falls in love with me. We all move in together.

98. It'd be awkward at first but I'd make it work.

99. - Because I love my mom. - And I would love her too.

100. New low.

101. Mrs. Gorski, I know shingles are never fun. Unless you're talking

102. about the games we made up on my parent's new roof. It was

103. like hide-and-seek only we'd throw shingles at each other.

104. Ah, summer time.

105. Still, a positive attitude can help you feel better

106. so let's see a big old smile.

107. Excuse me, can I borrow Doctor Reid?

108. You may keep her.

109. Here at Sacred Heart I like to think that

110. our patients choose our hospital

111. not only because I leak vicious rumors

112. about competing hospitals to the press,

113. but also because when they see one of our doctors,

114. they think, "Now that's a professional."

115. I don't think I look unprofessional.

116. I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months

117. but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain

118. I'm going to give you the same advice

119. I give my son every morning.

120. Lose the make-up, get a haircut

121. and stop using my razor to shave your fun zone.

122. - I hate missing practice. - Me too.

123. Mighty Kites.

124. Morning, class.

125. As residency director, it is my pleasure

126. to have surgical and medical personnel with us today.

127. In fact, in this room we have enough

128. brainpower to light up a city.

129. Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city

130. whose government has recently passed

131. a series of stringent energy conservation laws.

132. Stringent what?

133. Stringent up doc.

134. It's happening.

135. Yes, Nervous Guy?

136. What's up doc?

137. OK, people, biphasic defibrillators.

138. How many of you had a chance to practice on the mannequin?

139. Oh, yeah!

140. With the defibrillator?

141. And I assume none of you have even looked at the literature?

142. And I didn't do anything.

143. No yelling, no breaking stuff, nothing.

144. And right then, I figured out what's different.

145. I figured out what that feeling was

146. that I was having in the park with my family.

147. I'm... happy.

148. Now does that not just make you sick?

149. Ugh!

150. With Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize.

151. Focus in on how great it is to be single, chasing tail.

152. Hell, I miss it every day.

153. You don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?

154. Baby, I'm just trying to keep my man psyched.

155. Since I've known J.D., he's never broken up with anyone.

156. He's right. I don't like hurting people.

157. But I'm gonna do the honorable thing.

158. I'm gonna have someone in a fireman's

159. outfit tell Danni I burned to death.

160. Bambi, you owe her closure.

161. Hell, you owe it to every woman you've ever dated.

162. Listen, Danni.

163. Lisa.

164. Drunk friend of the girl I really wanted to hook up with.

165. It's not all of you. It's me.

166. Scott Gerber?

167. At soccer camp, I told you I wanted to be more than friends.

168. I thought you meant teammates.

169. Well, I didn't.

170. He used to borrow my jersey and wear it as jammies.

171. Hey, Danni, it's me. What are you up to?

172. - I'm keeping busy. - That's great.

173. Listen, something's been on my mind.

174. Me, too. I just feel like my life is so scattered lately.

175. You're the only good thing I have going.

176. Awesome.

177. - How's he doing? - The boy's got no biscuits.

178. I am trying to break someone's heart here, OK?

179. I'm feeling bummed. Do you have a second to talk?

180. Actually, I'm kind of swamped right now.

181. Let me get back to you, OK?

182. Elliot, What's wrong?

183. Forget it, you're busy.

184. Come on. I always have time for you.

185. Have the other doctors been making fun of the way I look?

186. What?

187. I've never heard anything like that. Why?

188. Hell, yeah.

189. Only the girl ones. And, you know, they're all...

190. Cat fight?

191. Sorry, Todd.

192. Let's try and be more careful when we use that noise, OK?

193. God!

194. Honestly, I haven't been this happy

195. since Christmas when I was seven

196. and my father showed me how to make a snow angel.

197. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard

198. but I did take his arms and his legs

199. and move them back and forth and...

200. the paramedics said it was one of the

201. finest snow angels they'd seen.

202. Maybe the fact that I am the kinder,

203. gentler Cox is every last bit of OK.

204. Maybe it's a natural progression.

205. It's not like there's any real ramifications.

206. Right?

207. What the hell, Peter Pants? Are you the only one here?

208. I drew the short straw

209. so I have to press "record" on all

210. the tape players when you start.

211. Of course you do. But you don't expect me...

212. Where is everybody?

213. They all had really important things to do.

214. Hello, citizens!

215. Welcome to Sacred Heart, home of the world's most giant doctor.

216. Be not afraid.

217. I'm just like you, except I'm giant.

218. My tush is chafing.

219. All right, my turn to get on top.

220. Turk, we tried playing Giant Black Guy, remember?

221. - People ran. - Damn.

222. Besides, I gotta go deal with Danni.

223. You want me to just talk to her for you? I'll do it.

224. No. If someone doesn't care enough to

225. do it themselves it's like they never cared.

226. Hey, guys.

227. Oh! J.D., Danni's breaking up with you.

228. Darn. See you.

229. What?

230. How many times do I have to tell you? Stop wearing my coat.

231. Sorry, about that, Chet.

232. Which one is Chet's? We gotta put his coat back.

233. Oh, I think it's this one.

234. Look at the size of this Odor Eater. We could surf on it.

235. I still don't understand why Danni's

236. breaking up with me. I gotta go talk to her.

237. OK, first of all, words cannot describe

238. the smell that is currently on my cheek.

239. You wanna go back in just because she rejected you?

240. Who else is that crazy?

241. Not one resident showed up.

242. Not one. Would you like to know why?

243. Because they're not scared of me any more and I blame you.

244. You have turned me into this soft,

245. emotionally open, pathetic freak at home

246. and now it's starting to bleed over into work.

247. Happy birthday to you

248. And many more.

249. Oh, my God!

250. Happy birthday.

251. Oh, dammit, people, I've been here 23 years.

252. For the last time, I'm allergic to coconut.

253. Elliot, have you been in the supply closet crying?

254. Carla, I don't do that any more.

255. Oh, my God, I look like Alice Cooper.

256. You know, I shouldn't have to feel bad

257. for wanting to look good.

258. You don't, what with your

259. bohemian scarves and pirate earrings.

260. Thank you for noticing.

261. Still, it's different for nurses.

262. We're not judged for being feminine.

263. But when you're a doctor, if you put in too much effort

264. the men will never take you seriously

265. and the women will think you're trying to show them up.

266. It's a dumb stereotype.

267. You just have to decide if it's worth the hassle.

268. Laverne.

269. Good cake, though.

270. Hello?

271. Piece of advice. Your honker's

272. cute in person, peephole not your friend.

273. Ha! I'm sorry. Did I interrupt you

274. from trying to eat your baby?

275. Danni's not here.

276. Look, do you know how hard it was for me to come here?

277. - Gotcha. - Oh, God.

278. Not getting up until you come to your senses.

279. Get your coffee on, dawg.

280. Say what you want,

281. those big round cheeks are warm in the morning.

282. - What? - I just wanna know why

283. she broke up with me.

284. Well, why don't you just... ask her yourself.

285. Not cool.

286. Now there you go, sweetheart.

287. Now you look more like a doctor and less like a lap dance.

288. Thank you, sir.

289. Floor's wet.

290. You know, I liked the way blonde-haired doctor looked.

291. She brightened my day.

292. But you don't care, do you?

293. Because you're unconscious.

294. So, I...

295. I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back.

296. Now I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short

297. to spend your time working someplace

298. where people don't crap their pants at the sight of you.

299. OK, listen up, people, because this part is crucial.

300. In order to use the biphasic defibrillator we have to...

301. Sorry I'm late.

302. Hey, Elliot. Is it greasy outside?

303. That is so stupid. Elliot, you look smart.

304. Hello?

305. Of course I'm smart, I'm a doctor.

306. What's up, doc! I just got it.

307. Maybe Danni thinks I'm too smart.

308. You're dating a guy named Danny? Is he hot?

309. Stupid! Listen...

310. I know it's a cliché but sailors say

311. it is indeed the calm before the storm

312. that lets you know that danger's coming.

313. Uh-oh!

314. First off, let me just say thank you.

315. For the last couple of months I have been adrift

316. in a sea of puppy dogs, lollipops

317. and, let's face it, mediocre metaphors.

318. You people were kind enough to

319. piss all over learning a procedure

320. that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies.

321. And that reminded me of something

322. that I wanted to remind you of.

323. Because you see, I am accountable.

324. I am accountable for the continuous,

325. crashing, undeniable amateurism

326. that you people drag into this hospital, day in and day out.

327. And believe you me when I tell you that the next time

328. one of you perpetual disappointments

329. doesn't even have the common decency

330. to try and do better at something you supposedly do,

331. I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass

332. out of here in about ten seconds

333. and then I will forget you forever in the next five.

334. Ha-ha-ha! OK, Nervous Guy,

335. bring that nervous butt up here, lose the shirt,

336. we're gonna show these good people how this thing works.

337. - Nice tan there, champ. - Thanks.

338. Clear.

339. After Doctor Cox exploded at us,

340. so many thoughts are racing through my head.

341. We have been slacking off lately.

342. How did Doug get such incredible abs?

343. And what the hell is the deal with Danni?

344. - Hey. - Hey.

345. After you dressed up Rowdy,

346. did you trim the clumpy areas around his butt?

347. Yeah.

348. Thanks. He was due for a good grooming.

349. - Look... - Just tell me why.

350. Your cell phone wasn't turned off.

351. - What? - When you called me.

352. Actually, I'm swamped, Danni. Sorry, I gotta go.

353. Elliot, what's wrong?

354. Oh, forget it, you're busy.

355. Come on, I always have time for you.

356. That stupid phone.

357. That's the same way Turk found out I collect scarves.

358. Oooh!

359. J.D.

360. You're still not over Elliot

361. and until you are,

362. no one's ever gonna have a

363. chance to get close to you. Right?

364. That silence, that's you breaking up with me.

365. Hey, I finally broke up with someone.

366. - How are you doing, Elliot? - Great.

367. I figure I spend my life in a place

368. filled with misery and sickness.

369. If I need to feel good about myself, the hell with everybody.

370. For what it's worth, I think you look beautiful.

371. I wouldn't change a thing.

372. I did tone down the eye make-up a bit.

373. Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.

374. There. All done.

375. I look hot.

376. Everybody has their own way of getting through the day.

377. For some, it's as simple as standing up for a friend.

378. And getting away with it.

379. For others, it's talking things out with someone.

380. I know what you're thinking. Believe me, I do.

381. Why in the world would a civilized,

382. uptown man of the millennium such as myself

383. even go ahead and give a good rat's ass

384. about whether a bunch of snot-nosed,

385. baby docs were afraid of him, right?

386. Well, unfortunately the only way I know

387. how to teach is through fear.

388. And I tell you this because I know

389. that this particular shortcoming

390. will invariably affect your life.

391. And again, sorry about the gay sailor's outfit.

392. Your mother loves it.

393. She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on.

394. Take it off, nut bag. Put it on, pleasant, approachable.

395. As for me, if I'm not over Elliot,

396. I might as well wait it out for the long haul.

397. It doesn't mean I'm gonna ignore

398. opportunity if it falls in my lap.

399. Hey, Sheila.

400. - Leave me alone. - OK.

401. J.D., let's get going.

402. Sean's calling me at home in ten minutes.

403. Oh, this is gonna suck.