1. As a doctor, you spend
about a third of your nights
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2. sleeping at the hospital,
but truth be told,
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3. not a lot of sleeping
actually takes place.
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4. - Dr. Reid.
- I'm not sucking my thumb.
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5. - Mr. Rodriguez is coding.
- Oh.
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6. - You look pretty.
- Oh, thank you.
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7. You learn to appreciate
the little things,
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8. like waking up in your own bed.
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9. Of course, if there's someone
there with you...
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10. - Sorry I woke you.
- I'll live.
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11. That's just gravy.
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12. Yep, there's nothing like
mornings at home.
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13. - Hey, there, sunshine.
- Morning, huh.
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14. I forgot Carla
is staying with us
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15. while her building
is being fumigated.
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16. Hey, don't use Rowdy to cover up
your giblets. Apologize.
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17. Can somebody tell me why
we have no milk or orange juice,
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18. but, like,
40 fruit cups in here?
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19. The average resident
owes over $100,000
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20. in med school loans and makes
about as much as a waiter.
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21. So you have to do things
to make ends meet.
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22. Like you can cover
someone's shift.
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23. Or you can steal stuff
from the hospital.
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24. Or you can moonlight
at an urgent care center.
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25. Or you can steal stuff.
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26. Or your dad
can pay for everything.
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27. Or... well, you know.
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28. - Is it clear?
- Come on, come on.
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29. Go! Go! Run!
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30. Whoo-hoo!
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31. - Hold up.
- Why?
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32. There's been several thefts.
We're doing bag checks.
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33. What about that guy
taking scrubs?
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34. - Hey, Tom.
- Hey!
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35. He doesn't have a bag.
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36. Go ahead, narc. I'm clean.
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37. Yeah? Ah-ha.
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38. Of course,
if he was checking my trunk...
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39. - Pudding. Score!
- Come on! Let's go, let's go!
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40. Get me a butterscotch, buddy.
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41. Come on!
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42. So I did that cardioversion,
I extubated Mrs. Bays,
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43. and I finished
all the transfer summaries
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44. - on the nursing-home patients.
- Well, what can I say?
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45. You did exceptional work today,
Newbie, and I'm proud of you.
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46. Did he just wink at me?
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47. - Is there a problem?
- I'm just so happy.
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48. - No, no problem, sir.
- Attaboy.
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49. And, Laverne,
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50. what is that delightfully
naught-ay scent you're wearing?
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51. It's called Twelve-Hour Shift.
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52. Ow.
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53. - Yeah, it is.
- Why the hell is he so cheery?
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54. Because I did
exceptional work today.
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55. - Hey, babe.
- Hey.
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56. I ordered the fight
on pay-per-view,
got your favorite beer.
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57. - We are leaving this second.
- Hop on, Blondie. Come here.
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58. Mm-hm.
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59. Is there one
bathroom in this damn place
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60. that has toilet paper,
or do I have to start
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61. carrying around
a basket of leaves?
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62. This is the reason why
your headache didn't go away.
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63. That's actually pronounced
analgesic, not "anal" -gesic.
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64. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.
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65. We're going to be short
a doctor tomorrow,
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66. so if you've got a friend that
wants an extra 300 bucks...
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67. And they said they'll pay you
200 bucks. Cash money.
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68. Sweet! Dude, you are
like the best friend ever.
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69. Hell, yeah.
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70. Ugh! My mother
lives with me all year.
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71. My aunt Marie has to
take care of her for one week
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72. and she won't stop bitching.
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73. So, my dad's coming in to town
for a conference tomorrow.
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74. - You don't seem stressed out.
- I haven't pooed in six days.
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75. Twice this morning, and I
haven't even had my coffee yet.
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76. You really pick odd things
to brag about.
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77. I'm just saying,
if I had to get three by lunch,
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78. I probably could.
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79. Hey, guys.
Gyno Girls, twelve o'clock.
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80. Obstetrics and Gynecology
is a specialty
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81. that's usually
dominated by women.
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82. D.r Reid, I'm Dr. Gerson.
We were just wondering
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83. if you have any thoughts
about your specialty,
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84. because we really think
you're OB/GYN material.
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85. Being a Gyno Girl is
a lot like being in a sorority.
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86. J.D., I can't go
with Dr. Gerson
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87. because I have to help you.
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88. Give me a second. I'm figuring
something out for a patient.
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89. I'm glad we all finally
experimented with each other,
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90. - but I'll never do it again.
- Mm-hm.
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91. Dammit.
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92. - Julie!
- Hey, Rob! Good to see you.
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93. - Hey, Dan!
- God, I just hate
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94. that every doctor you ever gave
a drug sample to
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95. sniffs around you like
a pathetic little puppy dog.
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96. I never gave those guys
anything. I slept with them.
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97. Oh. Great.
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98. Those Gyno Girls are really
putting the pressure on.
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99. We must have looked at a hundred
women's bajingos today.
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100. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo.
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101. I mean, I can't even look
at my own bajingo, you know?
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102. Is that because
it looks so much like a vagina?
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103. Carla, there's people!
You know, forget it.
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104. I'm just gonna tell them
I'm not interested.
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105. I think you should.
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106. - Sir, why are you laughing?
- Oh, who knows?
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107. It could be the funny face
I made with my peas.
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108. But, gun to my head,
I'd say I'm laughing
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109. at the notion that you could
stand up to anyone.
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110. There we go.
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111. Moonlighting sucks,
but Turk and I make do.
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112. Now, will a lollipop
put a smile on your face?
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113. How about if Dr. Turk sings
Jimmy Crack Corn?
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114. How about if Dr. Turk sings
Jimmy Crack Corn
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115. as Neil Diamond?
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116. - Okay.
- Hit it.
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117. Dr. Dorian, we could
use you again tomorrow
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118. if you'd like to make
another $300.
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119. 300?
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120. Luckily for Turk, revenge
is a dish best served cold.
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121. Not unlike this tapioca pudding.
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122. We're zeroing in on the guy
that's been stealing stuff.
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123. Oh. Well, that's good.
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124. Yep. In fact, right now
I'm dusting for fingerprints.
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125. - Really?
- Nah, I'm just dusting.
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126. I finished those discharge
dictations you wanted me to do,
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127. and I was able to get Mrs.
Jeskie on the transplant list.
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128. And here comes the wink.
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129. Okay, maybe I'll start it off.
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130. Oh, my God, Sabrina,
you had better tell me
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131. you had laser eye surgery
and they accidentally
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132. severed the muscle
that holds that lid up,
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133. because you did not
just wink at me.
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134. I didn't mean anything by it.
I wink at everybody.
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135. Hey, Dr. Kelso.
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136. Save it
for the bathhouses, sport.
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137. Oh, boy.
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138. Don't take your anger out
on Bambi.
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139. I'm not angry. So my girlfriend
serviced most of the staff.
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140. I'm proud of her commitment
to medicine.
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141. Please. What about all
the women you've slept with?
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142. Your ex-wife, that med student,
your ex-wife,
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143. the cute nurse from radiology,
your ex-wife...
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144. - Would you get off my ex-wife?
- I will if you will.
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145. Dammit. Gosh, now I'm too proud
of you to be mad at you.
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146. So, Dad, how are things at home?
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147. Good, good. Your mom
re-did the bedroom again.
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148. I'm going to keep mine
the way it is.
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149. You don't want to be
one of those couples
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150. that does everything together.
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151. Sorry.
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152. - Hello?
- I just wanted you to know
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153. that I faced up
to those Gyno Girls
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154. with a very strong and clear
"no, thank you."
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155. Yes, I heard about your note.
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156. Th-The point is that I'm out.
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157. That was your mom.
She said to say... something.
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158. So, did Dr. Gerson
ever contact you?
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159. You told her to talk to me?
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160. She went to med school
with a colleague at my hospital.
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161. Come on, I want to go
see the department.
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162. Paging Dr. Backbone
to the Bajingo Ward.
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163. You wanna grab
a couple of beers tonight?
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164. Can't. I'm moonlighting
at urgent care.
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165. That's funny.
The lady didn't call me.
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166. Maybe because I found out
you stole $100 from me,
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167. - and I Marcia Brady'd your ass.
- What?
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168. When Marcia was working
at the ice-cream shop,
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169. and she got Jan a job,
and they liked Jan better
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170. so they fired Marcia.
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171. Marcia Gets Creamed,
season five, episode three.
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172. Don't ever question me
on The Bunch.
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173. There's no way
they liked you better than me.
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174. Then maybe it's because I told
her that you smoke the ganja.
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175. What? That's not even true.
You're a jackass.
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176. Where you going? Munchies?
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177. - Stay tuned for Survivor.
- I so don't think so.
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178. Hey, I was watching that.
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179. I know, but it's my place,
so it's house rules.
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180. Look, I feel like I owe you
an apology here.
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181. Really? For what?
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182. Just for being so jealous
and pissy lately.
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183. I guess I just kinda
got hung up on the fact
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184. that you were with,
you know, Dr. Jasper,
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185. and Dr. Michaels,
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186. and Dr. Stone...
Was it his ear hair?
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187. Is that what was so compelling
about him? Never mind.
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188. The point is that
this relationship right here
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189. is about the present,
and it's about the future,
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190. and I'm never gonna
let anything from our past
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191. ever get in our way again.
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192. - Deal?
- Deal.
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193. Keys still work.
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194. Excellent.
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195. Jordan, please tell me
you ate a raccoon
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196. and it's slowly making its way
through your digestive system.
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197. Oh, don't worry.
It's not your baby.
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198. Though not for lack of trying.
See, we have sex a lot.
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199. - Who are you?
- Who do you think I am?
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200. Well, you have keys
to the apartment,
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201. - so I'm gonna say... the maid.
- Oh.
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202. Julie, this is
my ex-wife, Jordan.
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203. Jordan, this is
my girlfriend, Julie.
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204. Okay, that was a treat,
wasn't it?
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205. Now, would you like me
to call you a cab,
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206. or should I just have the flying
monkeys bring the broom around?
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207. Oh, no.
He called you his girlfriend.
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208. If I were you, I'd start
gathering your tiny panties up,
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209. because I think you're done.
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210. I'm already bored by you.
Perry, I will be in the bedroom.
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211. Come join me when Tubby leaves.
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212. - Ta.
- Oh, who did that to you?
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213. Well, I was at this
fabulous hotel in Greece,
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214. chock full of available,
wealthy men...
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215. - So it was the bellboy?
- Or busboy, or pool-boy.
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216. Something "boy." I don't know.
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217. Anyway, when I first
found out, I was panicked.
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218. Then I thought
I've kind of been drifting
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219. through life all these years.
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220. I need to look into my heart and
see what really matters to me.
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221. Anyway, I decided
to keep the stupid kid.
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222. Cut out the middle man and just
have a therapist deliver him.
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223. Honestly, Jordan,
why are you telling me this?
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224. Oh. Because I've also decided
that I want you back.
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225. Yep, we got him.
And he's gonna pay.
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226. They're arresting someone
for stealing pudding
and toilet paper?
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227. No, they found 20 bottles
of Vicodin in his backpack.
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228. Did you steal pudding
and toilet paper?
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229. What? No! I hate pudding and
I don't use toilet... paper.
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230. I have one of
those French things
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231. that shoots water up your butt.
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232. - Bidet?
- Bidet to you, sir.
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233. - I miss you.
- I miss you too.
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234. I thought I was going to
get to see you last night.
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235. I frickin' caught an EMT shift,
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236. and I was riding around
in an ambulance all night.
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237. That is so cool.
Did they let you run the siren?
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238. I'm not talking to you. And yes.
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239. - Oh, quit being such a baby.
- Bab... You stole my job.
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240. - You stole my money.
- That was a finder's fee.
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241. Oh, yeah? Well, find this!
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242. You're supposed to grab
your crotch when you say that.
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243. Wouldn't that hurt?
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244. So this is where we all
hang out. It's neat, huh?
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245. It's a... hellhole.
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246. Dad, why are you so set
on me being an OB/GYN?
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247. Look, honey,
your highest income potential
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248. as a female physician
is in obstetrics.
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249. But don't you think
that maybe it's time
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250. that you left those
sort of things up to me?
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251. Well, since I paid
for your college,
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252. your medical school, your car,
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253. and now your apartment
and all your living expenses,
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254. I'd have to say "no."
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255. Good God. Someone vomited
on my hotdog.
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256. It's chili, Dad, okay?
And you know what?
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257. I appreciate everything you've
given me, but it's my life.
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258. Now stop complaining
and enjoy your damn meal.
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259. Oh, my God. That's disgusting.
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260. Jordan, I don't know
what to tell you.
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261. Are you ever coming in, Perry?
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262. You can join us if you want, but
I doubt you'll fit on the bed.
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263. Okay, have one last fling, but
I'll be back, and until then,
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264. everywhere you look,
you'll see me.
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265. Everywhere anybody looks,
they'll see you.
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266. - Oh, it is so on.
- Bring it.
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267. Oh, God...
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268. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
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269. So now you're ignoring me?
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270. Because of you I gotta ride
around in an ambulance
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271. and you know I get carsick.
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272. Come on, Turk. Turk.
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273. Hey, idiot. Ha. I said
"idiot" and you looked.
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274. Hey, help me carry
this computer to my van.
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275. You can't just take a computer.
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276. Help me or we go check out
the trunk of your car.
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277. Stay low.
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278. Look, morning sickness sucks.
Believe me, I know.
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279. I've been there.
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280. Hey, Jordan,
are you... Are you crying?
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281. No. I don't know.
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282. I'm just completely hormonal.
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283. I mean, you try going
from out-of-control horny
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284. to clinically depressed
six times a day.
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285. Give me a break. I can knock
that out on the way to work.
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286. Hey, lady, I'm proud
of what you're doing here.
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287. - Really?
- Yeah, really.
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288. Thanks.
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289. Last chance.
Do you want me or not?
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290. Oh, Jordan, I'm so sorry, but...
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291. Forget it. I was kidding.
I was kidding, really.
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292. - Help me up.
- Help you up? Help me up.
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293. You'll need two hands.
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294. You think you could
help me out a little bit?
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295. Carla, why won't Turk
let this go?
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296. Marie, she's only with you
for one week.
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297. - Carla...
- Hold on a second.
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298. Bambi, I've got ten messages
from my mother,
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299. my Aunt Marie won't stop
calling me about my mother,
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300. I gotta run home and put out
canned food for my cat
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301. because the dry stuff
doesn't cut it anymore,
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302. plus Turk and I can't
spend time together
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303. because I'm working doubles
and he's moonlighting
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304. so we can send my mother to
a decent retirement community.
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305. - So what, Bambi, what?
- We'll talk later.
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306. Carla said something that made
me realize what I had to do.
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307. That's it for me. I'm gonna get
my stuff and get out of here.
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308. - Ah!
- Agh!
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309. - What are you doing in here?
- She said "we."
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310. - What?
- Carla, she said "we."
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311. "We" need to scrape
some money together.
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312. And it wasn't just like
a "we're dating" we.
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313. It was a "we're gonna spend the
rest of our lives together" we.
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314. I don't know, man. That just
seems big to me, you know.
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315. Yeah, I know.
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316. Can I run the siren?
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317. Yeah, all right. Make it quick.
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318. So you finally stood up
to your father?
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319. Yep.
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320. And he cut you off,
no money, no nothing?
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321. - Pretty much.
- Jerk.
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322. Wow, this is a big place.
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323. Do you know where I could
find some boxes?
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324. So, is your ex-wife like,
"all women are crazy" crazy,
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325. or more like "that assistant who
tasered David Spade" crazy?
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326. Well, you've got to try
and understand,
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327. she's going through
a rough time right now,
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328. and I'm the one that
she's used to leaning on,
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329. which in her current condition
is actually causing me
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330. more physical pain
than it is emotional.
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331. But, still,
it sure was silly of her
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332. to try to make me choose
between the two of you.
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333. I guess it was a pretty
easy decision, huh?
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334. Well, when I really had a chance
to think about it,
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335. it turns out it was the easiest
decision I ever made.
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336. I was always going
to wind up with you.
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337. So the whole vulnerable
crying thing worked, huh?
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338. I never had a chance.
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339. You do realize I'm pregnant,
don't you?
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340. Yeah, they're both for me.
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341. Cheers.
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342. You know, I keep waiting
to get sick of pudding,
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343. but with every cup
I love it more.
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344. Me, too.
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345. So, you gonna marry her?
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346. Yeah, I think so.
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347. Wow.
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348. - I'm sorry I ripped you off.
- Ah, forget it.
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349. You can keep the hundred bucks.
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350. I was gonna, man.
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351. I was gonna.
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352. I usually don't like
thinking about the future.
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353. Let's face it, you can't
predict what's gonna happen.
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354. But sometimes
the thing you didn't expect
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355. is what you really wanted
after all.
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356. Maybe the best thing to do
is stop trying to figure out
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357. where you're going
and just enjoy where you're at.
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358. All right, now,
who wants a refill?
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359. - I can't afford this place.
- I'm $130,000 in debt.
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360. You're gonna be all right.
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361. Come on, let's dance, stud.
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