Scrubs 2x8

Directed by Ken Whittingham

Aloma Wright as Laverne Roberts • Heather Locklear as Julie Keaton • Lane Davies as Simon Reid • Keilana Smith as Clinic Director • Theresa Barrera as Gyno Girl

When an expectant Jordan shows up unexpectedly, Cox is forced to choose between her and his new love, Julie. Meanwhile, J.D. and Turk take advantage of the hospital's supply closet for sleep, when they take on extra shifts at a free clinic to supplement their income. Carla encourages Elliot to stand up to her father, when he pressures her to pick a specialty more "suitable for a woman."

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. As a doctor, you spend about a third of your nights

2. sleeping at the hospital, but truth be told,

3. not a lot of sleeping actually takes place.

4. - Dr. Reid. - I'm not sucking my thumb.

5. - Mr. Rodriguez is coding. - Oh.

6. - You look pretty. - Oh, thank you.

7. You learn to appreciate the little things,

8. like waking up in your own bed.

9. Of course, if there's someone there with you...

10. - Sorry I woke you. - I'll live.

11. That's just gravy.

12. Yep, there's nothing like mornings at home.

13. - Hey, there, sunshine. - Morning, huh.

14. I forgot Carla is staying with us

15. while her building is being fumigated.

16. Hey, don't use Rowdy to cover up your giblets. Apologize.

17. Can somebody tell me why we have no milk or orange juice,

18. but, like, 40 fruit cups in here?

19. The average resident owes over $100,000

20. in med school loans and makes about as much as a waiter.

21. So you have to do things to make ends meet.

22. Like you can cover someone's shift.

23. Or you can steal stuff from the hospital.

24. Or you can moonlight at an urgent care center.

25. Or you can steal stuff.

26. Or your dad can pay for everything.

27. Or... well, you know.

28. - Is it clear? - Come on, come on.

29. Go! Go! Run!

30. Whoo-hoo!

31. - Hold up. - Why?

32. There's been several thefts. We're doing bag checks.

33. What about that guy taking scrubs?

34. - Hey, Tom. - Hey!

35. He doesn't have a bag.

36. Go ahead, narc. I'm clean.

37. Yeah? Ah-ha.

38. Of course, if he was checking my trunk...

39. - Pudding. Score! - Come on! Let's go, let's go!

40. Get me a butterscotch, buddy.

41. Come on!

42. So I did that cardioversion, I extubated Mrs. Bays,

43. and I finished all the transfer summaries

44. - on the nursing-home patients. - Well, what can I say?

45. You did exceptional work today, Newbie, and I'm proud of you.

46. Did he just wink at me?

47. - Is there a problem? - I'm just so happy.

48. - No, no problem, sir. - Attaboy.

49. And, Laverne,

50. what is that delightfully naught-ay scent you're wearing?

51. It's called Twelve-Hour Shift.

52. Ow.

53. - Yeah, it is. - Why the hell is he so cheery?

54. Because I did exceptional work today.

55. - Hey, babe. - Hey.

56. I ordered the fight on pay-per-view, got your favorite beer.

57. - We are leaving this second. - Hop on, Blondie. Come here.

58. Mm-hm.

59. Is there one bathroom in this damn place

60. that has toilet paper, or do I have to start

61. carrying around a basket of leaves?

62. This is the reason why your headache didn't go away.

63. That's actually pronounced analgesic, not "anal" -gesic.

64. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

65. We're going to be short a doctor tomorrow,

66. so if you've got a friend that wants an extra 300 bucks...

67. And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks. Cash money.

68. Sweet! Dude, you are like the best friend ever.

69. Hell, yeah.

70. Ugh! My mother lives with me all year.

71. My aunt Marie has to take care of her for one week

72. and she won't stop bitching.

73. So, my dad's coming in to town for a conference tomorrow.

74. - You don't seem stressed out. - I haven't pooed in six days.

75. Twice this morning, and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

76. You really pick odd things to brag about.

77. I'm just saying, if I had to get three by lunch,

78. I probably could.

79. Hey, guys. Gyno Girls, twelve o'clock.

80. Obstetrics and Gynecology is a specialty

81. that's usually dominated by women.

82. D.r Reid, I'm Dr. Gerson. We were just wondering

83. if you have any thoughts about your specialty,

84. because we really think you're OB/GYN material.

85. Being a Gyno Girl is a lot like being in a sorority.

86. J.D., I can't go with Dr. Gerson

87. because I have to help you.

88. Give me a second. I'm figuring something out for a patient.

89. I'm glad we all finally experimented with each other,

90. - but I'll never do it again. - Mm-hm.

91. Dammit.

92. - Julie! - Hey, Rob! Good to see you.

93. - Hey, Dan! - God, I just hate

94. that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to

95. sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy dog.

96. I never gave those guys anything. I slept with them.

97. Oh. Great.

98. Those Gyno Girls are really putting the pressure on.

99. We must have looked at a hundred women's bajingos today.

100. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo.

101. I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo, you know?

102. Is that because it looks so much like a vagina?

103. Carla, there's people! You know, forget it.

104. I'm just gonna tell them I'm not interested.

105. I think you should.

106. - Sir, why are you laughing? - Oh, who knows?

107. It could be the funny face I made with my peas.

108. But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing

109. at the notion that you could stand up to anyone.

110. There we go.

111. Moonlighting sucks, but Turk and I make do.

112. Now, will a lollipop put a smile on your face?

113. How about if Dr. Turk sings Jimmy Crack Corn?

114. How about if Dr. Turk sings Jimmy Crack Corn

115. as Neil Diamond?

116. - Okay. - Hit it.

117. Dr. Dorian, we could use you again tomorrow

118. if you'd like to make another $300.

119. 300?

120. Luckily for Turk, revenge is a dish best served cold.

121. Not unlike this tapioca pudding.

122. We're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff.

123. Oh. Well, that's good.

124. Yep. In fact, right now I'm dusting for fingerprints.

125. - Really? - Nah, I'm just dusting.

126. I finished those discharge dictations you wanted me to do,

127. and I was able to get Mrs. Jeskie on the transplant list.

128. And here comes the wink.

129. Okay, maybe I'll start it off.

130. Oh, my God, Sabrina, you had better tell me

131. you had laser eye surgery and they accidentally

132. severed the muscle that holds that lid up,

133. because you did not just wink at me.

134. I didn't mean anything by it. I wink at everybody.

135. Hey, Dr. Kelso.

136. Save it for the bathhouses, sport.

137. Oh, boy.

138. Don't take your anger out on Bambi.

139. I'm not angry. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff.

140. I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.

141. Please. What about all the women you've slept with?

142. Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife,

143. the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...

144. - Would you get off my ex-wife? - I will if you will.

145. Dammit. Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

146. So, Dad, how are things at home?

147. Good, good. Your mom re-did the bedroom again.

148. I'm going to keep mine the way it is.

149. You don't want to be one of those couples

150. that does everything together.

151. Sorry.

152. - Hello? - I just wanted you to know

153. that I faced up to those Gyno Girls

154. with a very strong and clear "no, thank you."

155. Yes, I heard about your note.

156. Th-The point is that I'm out.

157. That was your mom. She said to say... something.

158. So, did Dr. Gerson ever contact you?

159. You told her to talk to me?

160. She went to med school with a colleague at my hospital.

161. Come on, I want to go see the department.

162. Paging Dr. Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

163. You wanna grab a couple of beers tonight?

164. Can't. I'm moonlighting at urgent care.

165. That's funny. The lady didn't call me.

166. Maybe because I found out you stole $100 from me,

167. - and I Marcia Brady'd your ass. - What?

168. When Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop,

169. and she got Jan a job, and they liked Jan better

170. so they fired Marcia.

171. Marcia Gets Creamed, season five, episode three.

172. Don't ever question me on The Bunch.

173. There's no way they liked you better than me.

174. Then maybe it's because I told her that you smoke the ganja.

175. What? That's not even true. You're a jackass.

176. Where you going? Munchies?

177. - Stay tuned for Survivor. - I so don't think so.

178. Hey, I was watching that.

179. I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules.

180. Look, I feel like I owe you an apology here.

181. Really? For what?

182. Just for being so jealous and pissy lately.

183. I guess I just kinda got hung up on the fact

184. that you were with, you know, Dr. Jasper,

185. and Dr. Michaels,

186. and Dr. Stone... Was it his ear hair?

187. Is that what was so compelling about him? Never mind.

188. The point is that this relationship right here

189. is about the present, and it's about the future,

190. and I'm never gonna let anything from our past

191. ever get in our way again.

192. - Deal? - Deal.

193. Keys still work.

194. Excellent.

195. Jordan, please tell me you ate a raccoon

196. and it's slowly making its way through your digestive system.

197. Oh, don't worry. It's not your baby.

198. Though not for lack of trying. See, we have sex a lot.

199. - Who are you? - Who do you think I am?

200. Well, you have keys to the apartment,

201. - so I'm gonna say... the maid. - Oh.

202. Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan.

203. Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie.

204. Okay, that was a treat, wasn't it?

205. Now, would you like me to call you a cab,

206. or should I just have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

207. Oh, no. He called you his girlfriend.

208. If I were you, I'd start gathering your tiny panties up,

209. because I think you're done.

210. I'm already bored by you. Perry, I will be in the bedroom.

211. Come join me when Tubby leaves.

212. - Ta. - Oh, who did that to you?

213. Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece,

214. chock full of available, wealthy men...

215. - So it was the bellboy? - Or busboy, or pool-boy.

216. Something "boy." I don't know.

217. Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked.

218. Then I thought I've kind of been drifting

219. through life all these years.

220. I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me.

221. Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid.

222. Cut out the middle man and just have a therapist deliver him.

223. Honestly, Jordan, why are you telling me this?

224. Oh. Because I've also decided that I want you back.

225. Yep, we got him. And he's gonna pay.

226. They're arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?

227. No, they found 20 bottles of Vicodin in his backpack.

228. Did you steal pudding and toilet paper?

229. What? No! I hate pudding and I don't use toilet... paper.

230. I have one of those French things

231. that shoots water up your butt.

232. - Bidet? - Bidet to you, sir.

233. - I miss you. - I miss you too.

234. I thought I was going to get to see you last night.

235. I frickin' caught an EMT shift,

236. and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.

237. That is so cool. Did they let you run the siren?

238. I'm not talking to you. And yes.

239. - Oh, quit being such a baby. - Bab... You stole my job.

240. - You stole my money. - That was a finder's fee.

241. Oh, yeah? Well, find this!

242. You're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that.

243. Wouldn't that hurt?

244. So this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?

245. It's a... hellhole.

246. Dad, why are you so set on me being an OB/GYN?

247. Look, honey, your highest income potential

248. as a female physician is in obstetrics.

249. But don't you think that maybe it's time

250. that you left those sort of things up to me?

251. Well, since I paid for your college,

252. your medical school, your car,

253. and now your apartment and all your living expenses,

254. I'd have to say "no."

255. Good God. Someone vomited on my hotdog.

256. It's chili, Dad, okay? And you know what?

257. I appreciate everything you've given me, but it's my life.

258. Now stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal.

259. Oh, my God. That's disgusting.

260. Jordan, I don't know what to tell you.

261. Are you ever coming in, Perry?

262. You can join us if you want, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.

263. Okay, have one last fling, but I'll be back, and until then,

264. everywhere you look, you'll see me.

265. Everywhere anybody looks, they'll see you.

266. - Oh, it is so on. - Bring it.

267. Oh, God...

268. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

269. So now you're ignoring me?

270. Because of you I gotta ride around in an ambulance

271. and you know I get carsick.

272. Come on, Turk. Turk.

273. Hey, idiot. Ha. I said "idiot" and you looked.

274. Hey, help me carry this computer to my van.

275. You can't just take a computer.

276. Help me or we go check out the trunk of your car.

277. Stay low.

278. Look, morning sickness sucks. Believe me, I know.

279. I've been there.

280. Hey, Jordan, are you... Are you crying?

281. No. I don't know.

282. I'm just completely hormonal.

283. I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny

284. to clinically depressed six times a day.

285. Give me a break. I can knock that out on the way to work.

286. Hey, lady, I'm proud of what you're doing here.

287. - Really? - Yeah, really.

288. Thanks.

289. Last chance. Do you want me or not?

290. Oh, Jordan, I'm so sorry, but...

291. Forget it. I was kidding. I was kidding, really.

292. - Help me up. - Help you up? Help me up.

293. You'll need two hands.

294. You think you could help me out a little bit?

295. Carla, why won't Turk let this go?

296. Marie, she's only with you for one week.

297. - Carla... - Hold on a second.

298. Bambi, I've got ten messages from my mother,

299. my Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother,

300. I gotta run home and put out canned food for my cat

301. because the dry stuff doesn't cut it anymore,

302. plus Turk and I can't spend time together

303. because I'm working doubles and he's moonlighting

304. so we can send my mother to a decent retirement community.

305. - So what, Bambi, what? - We'll talk later.

306. Carla said something that made me realize what I had to do.

307. That's it for me. I'm gonna get my stuff and get out of here.

308. - Ah! - Agh!

309. - What are you doing in here? - She said "we."

310. - What? - Carla, she said "we."

311. "We" need to scrape some money together.

312. And it wasn't just like a "we're dating" we.

313. It was a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we.

314. I don't know, man. That just seems big to me, you know.

315. Yeah, I know.

316. Can I run the siren?

317. Yeah, all right. Make it quick.

318. So you finally stood up to your father?

319. Yep.

320. And he cut you off, no money, no nothing?

321. - Pretty much. - Jerk.

322. Wow, this is a big place.

323. Do you know where I could find some boxes?

324. So, is your ex-wife like, "all women are crazy" crazy,

325. or more like "that assistant who tasered David Spade" crazy?

326. Well, you've got to try and understand,

327. she's going through a rough time right now,

328. and I'm the one that she's used to leaning on,

329. which in her current condition is actually causing me

330. more physical pain than it is emotional.

331. But, still, it sure was silly of her

332. to try to make me choose between the two of you.

333. I guess it was a pretty easy decision, huh?

334. Well, when I really had a chance to think about it,

335. it turns out it was the easiest decision I ever made.

336. I was always going to wind up with you.

337. So the whole vulnerable crying thing worked, huh?

338. I never had a chance.

339. You do realize I'm pregnant, don't you?

340. Yeah, they're both for me.

341. Cheers.

342. You know, I keep waiting to get sick of pudding,

343. but with every cup I love it more.

344. Me, too.

345. So, you gonna marry her?

346. Yeah, I think so.

347. Wow.

348. - I'm sorry I ripped you off. - Ah, forget it.

349. You can keep the hundred bucks.

350. I was gonna, man.

351. I was gonna.

352. I usually don't like thinking about the future.

353. Let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen.

354. But sometimes the thing you didn't expect

355. is what you really wanted after all.

356. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out

357. where you're going and just enjoy where you're at.

358. All right, now, who wants a refill?

359. - I can't afford this place. - I'm $130,000 in debt.

360. You're gonna be all right.

361. Come on, let's dance, stud.