1. Turk's relationship is so messed up
I decided to lighten his mood.
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2. Nothing cracks him up more than
the block-the-door-with-my-foot gag.
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3. Oops, wrong person.
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4. - What happened?
- The door got stuck. Gotta go.
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5. Baby, you know how much I care
about you, right?
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6. - I'm dizzy.
- Yeah, you're fine.
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7. Honey, I know it looked really
bad last night with me and Kevin
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8. coming home liquored up
with a hot chick.
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9. Kevin was freaking out about
his divorce. I was being supportive.
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10. Yeah, by dragging home
some random bar skank?
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11. - Dude, you're not helping.
- Not trying to help.
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12. I have figured out why you're not ready
to marry me yet.
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13. You think I'm too immature.
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14. - It's not about that.
- Is it my sleep toots?
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15. Cos baby,
I will stop having dairy after six.
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16. I don't know what it is, Turk.
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17. Since you asked me,
all I wanted to do is say yes.
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18. It's just that every time I try to,
something stops me.
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19. You just have to be patient.
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20. Yeah, about that...
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21. So, he just said he was gonna
keep asking until I said yes.
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22. That is exactly how I lost my virginity.
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23. Except Turk didn't propose
in Jim Filliseti's crawl space.
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24. - Yes?
- Whoo-hoo! You said yes!
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25. - We're getting married.
- Stop celebrating.
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26. That's just how I answer the phone.
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27. It's only been ten minutes
since we last talked.
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28. Don't you hate it when people
yap away on their phones?
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29. She's my friend.
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30. But she is so rude.
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31. Don't you work at the hospital too?
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32. Yeah, I actually just got off
a double shift.
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33. - That's why I look so gross.
- Oh, you don't look gross.
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34. You know what,
you don't even think you look gross.
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35. You're one of those girls who uses
self-deprecation as a defence mechanism,
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36. even though, without looking, you can
tell how many guys are checking you out.
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37. - OK, five.
- No, actually, it's four.
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38. The guy in the mullet
is checking me out.
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39. I let him buy my last two drinks.
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40. Thanks again, cowboy.
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41. Back off.
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42. So what, you just gonna
keep on asking her?
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43. If you love somebody,
gotta be willing to break their spirit.
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44. Here you go, fellas.
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45. Thank you, Jenny.
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46. You're welcome.
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47. Yo, check out these fries.
That girl is so into me.
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48. Please, she's crushing on the brother.
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49. - Why, because you're black?
- Let's get one thing straight.
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50. This has nothing to do
with me being black.
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51. This has something
to do with me being smoother.
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52. Oh, here's a towel.
And here are your shakes.
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53. Thank you, Jenny. Hey, wait, Jenny.
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54. What flavour do you usually go for?
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55. Do you like chocolate or... vanilla?
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56. I'm a vanilla girl.
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57. I'll go get you some more towels.
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58. - Go ahead and say it.
- She got jungle fever
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59. She got jungle fever
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60. I had so much fun tonight.
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61. I hope I didn't talk
about myself too much?
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62. Hey, Elliot, I said I wanted
to know everything about you.
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63. And now I do.
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64. So listen, I'd like to take you out
tomorrow night.
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65. I don't wanna seem
like I'm rushing things...
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66. See you tomorrow.
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67. Oh, my God!
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68. What?
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69. I'm not big on public displays
of affection, that's all.
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70. Hit it.
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71. Carla Espinoza, will you marry me?
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72. Oh, my God.
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73. C'mon, citizens, let me hear you.
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74. Honk in the name of love.
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75. Honk for love! Honk for love!
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76. I've gotta say, life is pretty good.
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77. I've hit my stride as a doctor,
all my patients are doing well,
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78. and I've finally figured out
that even though they're uncomfortable,
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79. my medium scrubs
have a large effect on the ladies.
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80. Yep, everything's just great.
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81. For the first time since I started,
I have no stories to tell.
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82. Sometimes you know it's a crappy day
from the moment you wake.
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83. Today was one of those days.
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84. See, I have an appointment
to see my shrink,
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85. and it feels like there's
a little friction between us.
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86. You will not beat me.
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87. Listen, "Doctor",
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88. while we're on me just for a second,
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89. my very pregnant ex-wife
would like me to take
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90. a couple of days off
and travel to her mother's house
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91. so we can reconnect as a family.
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92. And I assume that you told her
to blow it out her ass.
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93. You get me! Darn it, you do!
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94. Yes, we're like two peas
in a horrible, horrible pod.
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95. Anyway, I invited a couple of my friends
over to the apartment while she's gone.
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96. Some beers, watch the game.
It'll be great.
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97. - And I was wondering if you...
- I'm not your friend.
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98. They're not either.
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99. So how's your rage going lately?
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100. Better.
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101. OK.
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102. Next time you feel anger welling up
in your meaty chest...
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103. Oh, give it to me.
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104. Take a deep breath
and count to ten before you react.
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105. Do you think you could do that, Perry?
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106. For the record, I'm not a child. OK?
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107. Dr Cox?
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108. I just wanted to tell you...
Well the thing is...
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109. One, two, ten.
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110. Finish the sentence in the next
two seconds or start running.
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111. Dear God,
you're actually frozen with fear.
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112. Don't worry about a thing.
I'll talk you through it.
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113. I want you to relax,
take a big breath, and now...
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114. Get outta here! Go, go, go, go, go.
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115. - Morning, Dr Cox.
- Gladys, Ginger, Tiffany, no.
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116. Cheryl, Betsy... Ooh, that's new.
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117. Betsy, good morning.
Let's make with the chop-chop.
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118. You already used Betsy,
like six months ago.
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119. - Dammit!
- Perry! How are you, etcetera?
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120. The wife and I took out a new
insurance policy. I need a physical.
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121. Bob, the day I willingly cradle
your dusty old twig and berries
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122. and get a whiff of your halitosis
while you turn and cough,
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123. is the day I'll be on the roof
singing I Believe I Can Fly.
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124. Great stuff. See you about two-ish.
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125. - You should just do it.
- Really?
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126. It'll take 15 minutes
and it wouldn't hurt to be in with him.
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127. - You're giving me advice?
- Feel free to return the favour.
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128. Fair enough. Try this on for size.
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129. No matter where you go in life,
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130. always keep an eye out for Johnny,
the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
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131. What's that supposed to mean?
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132. Who am I?
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133. Just run one of the other nurses
down here with some bedpans, please.
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134. Laverne, why can't you do it?
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135. I've been here for 23 years
and my feet hurt.
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136. After all I've done...
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137. Laverne, I am so excited
about this doctor I just met.
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138. He's nice and humble.
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139. I hate how so many doctors
are so self-centred, you know?
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140. - I know, girl. Yesterday...
- And he's cute, too.
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141. Hey, fresh bedpans here.
Get 'em before they're hot.
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142. - Dr Reid.
- Hey, Nurse... Paul.
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143. - It's Paul Flowers, actually.
- Flowers?
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144. Yep. Up you go.
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145. - Marry me?
- Still thinking.
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146. OK. Baby, I have figured out
what's bothering you.
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147. - Really?
- Yep!
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148. You think I haven't
played the field enough.
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149. I just wanted you to know, that I've had
a long, productive playing career,
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150. over which time I've slept
with many, many women.
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151. And by many, many women, I mean three.
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152. Take away two,
equals one and that's you.
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153. Marry me? No!
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154. Here's the deal. I want all of you guys
at my place tonight.
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155. Get there for 7:30. We'll have food,
booze, the whole nine yards.
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156. - Will there be prostitutes?
- No.
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157. Good.
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158. It's just a physical.
You can be cordial.
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159. What do you say there?
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160. How 'bout we do
just like you do with Enid?
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161. Close our eyes,
pretend we're with someone else
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162. and be done before Leno starts.
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163. Save the racket
for the tennis court, big guy.
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164. I took the liberty
of filling out the form.
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165. All you have to do is sign right below
where it says, "Fit as a 26-year-old."
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166. You're not suggesting I rubber-stamp
your insurance physical, are you?
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167. Just sign the damn form.
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168. Or you could take your shirt off
right now
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169. and be done with all this
in five minutes.
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170. I am not going to make this
uncomfortable for you.
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171. - Come on, I'm a professional.
- OK.
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172. Had to be done, Bob.
Continue, handsome.
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173. - How's it going?
- I just got my vertebrae fused.
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174. I've got nothing.
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175. Hey! Hold that elevator!
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176. I'm pressing the button.
It's not working.
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177. Hold it! Hey!
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178. Hold it!
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179. - Morning, ma'am.
- I can't move my head.
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180. So what?
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181. Carol, I cannot thank you enough.
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182. Is that Bengay?
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183. Come on, Elliot,
so Paul's a male nurse.
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184. You're big enough
not to let that bother you, right?
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185. I'm dating a murse.
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186. Better that than a mecretary.
Or a manicurist.
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187. - No, that works.
- It's no big deal.
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188. Only you guys know. And Nurse Roberts.
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189. She's not that much of a gossip!
Is she?
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190. Dr Reid, Nurse Paul.
Dr Reid, Nurse Paul.
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191. Dr Reid, Nurse Paul.
Dr Reid, Nurse Paul!
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192. We're talking about only six inches
and about 70 pounds,
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193. plus he's twice as fast
as the other guy.
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194. Dr Reid and Nurse Paul... dating.
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195. Giant, who cares?
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196. So see you fellas tonight,
what, around 7:30?
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197. Don't be late or you won't get a seat.
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198. - I'll bring the Fluffernutters.
- Newbie.
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199. I'd invite you.
Unfortunately, it's guys only.
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200. You and your damn physical.
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201. Thanks to my high blood pressure,
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202. my insurance premium will cost me
an extra six grand this year.
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203. That's six grand my wife
already spent on a new chin.
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204. If I were you,
I would plan to work every holiday
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205. from now until a few months
after you're dead.
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206. Newbie, this is your fault.
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207. Where is he?
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208. Where is that little rat bastard?
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209. Oh, hey, pal.
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210. I'll always remember our time together.
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211. Gotta go.
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212. - Marry me?
- Still thinking.
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213. I figured it out.
This is what you're afraid of.
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214. The typical surgeon.
A dumb, arrogant frat boy
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215. whose behaviour is so disgusting,
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216. it is embarrassing for a woman
to be seen with him.
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217. - No offence, buddy.
- None taken. I gotta run.
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218. They're doing a breast reduction
on three. I wanna try to stop it.
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219. You know what I'm talking about.
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220. - It's not The Todd.
- It's gotta be The Todd.
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221. Turk, will you stop?
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222. Yes, I've never been
a big fan of surgeons
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223. and, yes, I worry
about your maturity sometimes.
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224. I'm a worrier, it's what I do.
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225. But you have got to stop trying
to pinpoint what the reason is.
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226. Cos there's so many, right?
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227. I mean, you don't like who I am,
you don't like what I do.
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228. C'mon, I like the way
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229. I have to stand
on my tippy toes to kiss you.
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230. It's not enough.
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231. Hey, Elliot. I heard you got your
nursing degree in the male... nurse!
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232. What's up?
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233. That's her. Don't look.
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234. Murse!
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235. Oh, my God.
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236. Whoa, Doctor!
Hey, I'm not that type of gal.
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237. Shut up, Paul.
You are a man and I am a woman.
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238. Hey, Elliot, are you OK?
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239. I got very drunk last night
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240. and I decided
that I'm not giving up on you.
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241. So, how'd you do
with my counting exercise?
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242. I tried it once
and I thought it was stupid.
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243. - That's it. We're done.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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244. - You're dumping me?
- I hope we can remain friends.
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245. Now, please don't take away
the privilege of letting me pay you
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246. $200 an hour so I can drag my ass
in here and watch you nod.
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247. The only other place
I can get that on the planet
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248. is from my Brett Favre bobblehead doll.
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249. Fine, you wanna know
what I really think?
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250. Your problem isn't making bad choices.
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251. It's that you identify the good choice
and then intentionally do the opposite.
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252. You see,
behind this boorish bravado of yours
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253. is a paralysing fear
of letting anyone into your life.
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254. And it isn't because you weren't loved
when you were a kid.
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255. You're so egocentric
that the love wasn't enough.
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256. So you pulled pigtails
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257. and you pushed the fat kids
into the dirt
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258. so no one could ignore little Perry.
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259. Well, little Perry is now 40 years old
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260. and is so invested
in this narcissistic notion of yourself
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261. as "loner" that you can't quit.
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262. And you'll just keep dumping on
everyone around you
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263. until eventually,
and please, trust me on this,
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264. there won't be anyone left.
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265. There's a million reasons
a relationship can crash and burn.
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266. Give me a break.
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267. Whether it's because you don't
have the stones to make it work.
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268. Sorry, I have to... cancel tonight.
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269. Or you just get sick and tired
ofjumping through hoops.
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270. OK. You win.
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271. All right, you don't have to worry about
me asking you over and over anymore.
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272. Eventually, everyone bails.
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273. Two bits.
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274. If it isn't my favourite
career counsellor.
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275. You don't have more tips
on how to climb down the ladder?
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276. I've been thinking about
how you blame me for everything
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277. and how you just send a constant stream
of crap my way,
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278. and... I decided I need a break.
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279. So you came by to tell me
you're a complete wuss?
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280. No, I came over here to tell you
I traded with another resident
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281. and switched off
your service for a while.
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282. Well, tears and hugs there, Katie,
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283. but unless you wanna come inside
and give the fellas a lap dance,
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284. I gotta say sayonara,
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285. cos I got 20 guys in here
and it's about to get nutty.
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286. All the best, baby.
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287. Turns out last night got in my head,
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288. so this morning I swallowed my pride
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289. and asked Dr Gross to take me back.
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290. I have a hammer in my desk.
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291. It did not go well.
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292. Dr Cox,
I was the one who switched with JD.
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293. Nervous Guy! How you feeling?
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294. - A little nervous.
- Oh, that's OK.
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295. Don't worry about a thing,
cos I'm gonna ease you in.
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296. You have eight seconds to find
this patient's chart or you're through.
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297. - Oh, God! Chart? Chart?
- You want me to look for it?
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298. - Has anyone seen the chart?
- I got the chart right here.
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299. - Cheer-up hug?
- What?
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300. When I was little and sad,
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301. my mom would always have the maid
give me a cheer-up hug.
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302. Further explaining your love
of the Latino people.
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303. Carla, whenever you need to talk.
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304. It's just I don't think
that Turk is being fair.
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305. He didn't get the answer he wanted when
he wanted it so now he's pushing...
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306. What do you want?
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307. OK, wait, wait, wait.
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308. Are you kissing me
because you want this to go somewhere
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309. or because you feel bad about
blowing me off yesterday?
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310. Actually, I don't care either way.
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311. I decided to bail on Cox
for a while, you know?
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312. He sees a shrink every day
and is still the biggest pain in my ass.
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313. Is he in group?
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314. Maybe it's not everybody else,
maybe it's you.
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315. - Yeah.
- Good sharing.
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316. - I see your point.
- That sounds right.
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317. - Anybody got anything else?
- Yeah, I got one.
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318. Come here.
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319. I don't think he'd do well in group.
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320. So what's up with Carla?
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321. I'm starting to think if she really
loved me, I'd know by now.
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322. Maybe it's time to retreat,
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323. protect myself
so I don't get hurt any worse.
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324. - I don't wanna talk about it.
- Sure.
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325. - Here you go, fellas.
- Thank you, Jenny.
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326. - You're welcome.
- Eight strips of bacon.
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327. That girl is all about the J-Dizzle.
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328. Oh, yeah?
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329. - My God, it's Pancake Panda.
- That's what I'm talking about.
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330. Keep it together, pee-pants.
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331. You have six seconds to find
that soda you were holding for me.
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332. Has anyone seen a soda?
Oh, for the love of God.
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333. What is it there, Bobbo?
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334. I'm sorry.
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335. What did you say?
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336. I spoke to my cardiologist
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337. and he said if you hadn't caught
my high blood pressure,
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338. and it had continued unchecked,
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339. it might have resulted
in a mild case of... death.
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340. Must fight urge to rub it in his face.
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341. Anyway, I owe you one.
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342. Must rub something in someone's face.
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343. How's that coma
going for you there, pal?
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344. Much better.
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345. I bet you never
made out in there before.
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346. No, never.
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347. Come here.
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348. Nurse, I need clean sheets right away
to room one... thousand.
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349. She's covering because she's
embarrassed she likes a nurse
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350. and I really can't figure out why.
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351. That's because
you're doing a woman's job, son.
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352. Have a good one.
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353. Great. Why did you do that?
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354. You know, what I do for a living doesn't
make me feel like any less of a man.
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355. Neither does my love of baking
or gardening,
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356. or that I occasionally menstruate.
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357. - What?
- Elliot, lighten up.
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358. Stop worrying so much about
what everybody else thinks.
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359. Go ahead. I'll see you outside.
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360. OK.
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361. Boy, I gotta say, your wife is hotter
than I ever imagined.
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362. Hello, Perry.
You're obviously trying to bully me.
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363. But you can't bully me
because I don't fear you.
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364. - Now I'm leaving.
- Kelso asked me to give him a physical.
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365. He said thank you
and told me he owed me one.
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366. You actually made a decision
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367. that benefited you
personally and professionally?
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368. Well, a resident
kinda talked me into it.
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369. Come on. You're telling me
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370. that you took the advice
of another human being?
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371. - This is a great moment for me.
- Congratulations.
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372. Thank you.
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373. And, Perry,
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374. if there's someone at that hellhole
of a hospital you actually listen to,
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375. do everything in your power
to keep them around,
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376. because that person
is nothing short of a genius.
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377. Batcave.
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378. Hi, yeah, I'm stuck in the elevator.
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379. Yeah, I'm afraid
it might be a little while.
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380. Because you did this.
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381. Ah, no. I think we both know
you did this to yourself.
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382. Well, I'll let you go.
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383. Hello!
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384. Hey, Laverne,
have you seen Turk around?
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385. He's off today, honey.
How come you don't know that?
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386. I don't know.
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387. Everybody, I appreciate solidarity,
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388. but I did not blow off Paul
because he's a nurse.
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389. Stop leaving bedpans in my locker.
It makes me cry.
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390. Paul and I are just different, OK?
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391. Please, Elliot, this is not about Paul.
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392. This is about you.
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393. About you not being able to commit
because that means saying goodbye
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394. to whatever unfulfilled fantasy of love
you concocted
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395. after seeing too many Meg Ryan movies.
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396. But men don't make everything
all better. They're only human.
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397. Don't punish him
because you grew up so fast,
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398. you never let someone else
take care of you.
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399. He's not your father. He won't disappear
at the first sign of trouble.
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400. And as scary as it is being truly
vulnerable with another human being,
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401. what's even scarier is that deep down
inside you know you picked this man,
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402. and if you run away, you'll run away
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403. from being the kind of person
you always wanted to be.
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404. Carla, I just met the guy.
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405. All right, here we go, baby.
Here we go.
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406. Are you talking to that chilli dog?
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407. Hey.
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408. Yeah, well.
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409. I find that they don't repeat on me
as much if I'm real friendly to 'em.
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410. - What?
- Nothing.
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411. It's weird seeing you in the real world,
you know?
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412. I feel kinda guilty.
You're so nice to me and my buddy
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413. and we've never had a real conversation.
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414. We act like school kids and argue
over who we think you got a crush on.
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415. - It's totally you.
- What?
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416. Vanilla over chocolate? Please.
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417. In the event of a water landing.
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418. Yeah. Incoming. How you doing?
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419. Did you climb down an elevator shaft
to torment me?
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420. Sometimes in life,
you gotta do what you gotta do.
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421. Look, I promise you the Door Open button
was not working.
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422. No, it's OK.
We can work this thing out.
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423. Seriously, put your hands together
like you're praying.
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424. Hey, Dr Cox! Good to see ya.
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425. What the hell, he's a decent kid.
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426. Be a man and apologise to him
from the heart for once.
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427. For God's sake, Lily,
stop being such a complete wuss
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428. and come back to work with me.
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429. - Fine.
- Good.
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430. Give him a pat on the back.
He's wanted it since day one.
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431. Just do it.
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432. The second Dr Cox
patted me on the shoulder
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433. I thought about how
he always shows up just in time.
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434. I'll hang onto this.
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435. I guess in the end,
everything comes down to timing.
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436. Sometimes, you just have
one moment to seize it.
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437. Paul.
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438. I know that I've been acting
like an insecure idiot.
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439. If you'll forgive me,
I'd love to take you for dinner tonight.
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440. Screw that. I'll cook for you.
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441. I've only got one apron, though,
so bring your own if you wanna wear one.
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442. Oh, please.
You all wish you could bag a nurse.
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443. - She's right.
- Shut up, Zeltzer.
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444. You shut up.
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445. And if your timing is good
and it works out for you...
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446. make sure you cherish it.
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447. Because bad timing
can mess up everything.
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448. You wanna grab a cup of coffee?
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449. I don't know.
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450. I'll let you talk to it
before you drink it.
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451. OK. We can get one cup of coffee.
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452. - Just one cup.
- One cup. Sure.
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453. Hold on one second.
Let me just answer this real quick.
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454. - Yeah, hello.
- Ask me again.
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455. Sorry, but I gotta go.
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