1. Oh no! I'm gonna be late!Copy !req
2. I can't fail out of high school
right after getting there!Copy !req
3. Waaaa!Copy !req
4. Owww…Copy !req
5. You all right?Copy !req
6. Thanks…Copy !req
7. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
8. I'm really in quite a rush—Copy !req
9. Your way of running is quite improper.Copy !req
10. I nearly thought a hippo hit me.Copy !req
11. Be careful, or you might run someone over.Copy !req
12. Baka!Copy !req
13. You're go for Goose.Copy !req
14. I'm looking for Graves, Gideon.
Who the hell is Goose?Copy !req
15. You've reached the adult
formerly known as Gideon Graves.Copy !req
16. It's the Goose now. Gordon Goose.Copy !req
17. That's cool.Copy !req
18. You know, my name isn't Lucas, actually.Copy !req
19. It's Luke.Copy !req
20. That's not even remotely the same thing.Copy !req
21. Never mind.Copy !req
22. What can I do you for?Copy !req
23. Well, here's how I see it, Goose.Copy !req
24. I've lost everything.
You've lost everything.Copy !req
25. I thought maybe
you'd have some words of advice.Copy !req
26. Now you want something from me.Copy !req
27. I know I left you
in the lurch after Matthew,Copy !req
28. but if you could
find it in your heart to forgive me, I—Copy !req
29. Forgiveness is what you want?Copy !req
30. Well, I have something
entirely different in mind.Copy !req
31. Friendship!Copy !req
32. Ow!Copy !req
33. Okay, ready?Copy !req
34. Yeah!Copy !req
35. You go first.Copy !req
36. Whoa! That's awesome!Copy !req
37. Wow!Copy !req
38. I'm okay. Luke, I'm okay.Copy !req
39. You're right, you know.Copy !req
40. I'm a real baka boy sometimes…Copy !req
41. Why…Copy !req
42. Do they even like each other?Copy !req
43. Because sometimes it feels like
they hate each other.Copy !req
44. This is season 12.Copy !req
45. I can loan you the DVDs
if you want the backstory.Copy !req
46. I…Copy !req
47. I was gone for 90 f****** minutes!Copy !req
48. What did you do to my house?Copy !req
49. And what's with the robot?Copy !req
50. What robot?Copy !req
51. - It's you.
- Julie, I'll make this brief.Copy !req
52. Is that the sound of skates I hear?Copy !req
53. Tell Ramona to come in here and kick it.
We'll watch TV and eat chips.Copy !req
54. Oh no! We're out of chips!
Jules, we need chips!Copy !req
55. So it's you and Gideon now.Copy !req
56. Me and Gideon? No.Copy !req
57. That's Gordon. Gordon Goose.Copy !req
58. You're saying the guy eating chips
on your couch is not the formerCopy !req
59. all-powerful evil gazillionaire
I used to date?Copy !req
60. This info dump was inevitable.Copy !req
61. Be back in a bit, baby!Copy !req
62. Okay, bye.Copy !req
63. I'll miss you!Copy !req
64. I'll miss you f****** more!Copy !req
65. Doo doo doo-doo doo, doo dooCopy !req
66. Doo doo doo-doo dooCopy !req
67. Bread makes you thinkCopy !req
68. Does it?Copy !req
69. Doesn't everything?Copy !req
70. Too vague.Copy !req
71. Bread makes you fullCopy !req
72. Too obvious.Copy !req
73. Doo doo doo-doo-dooCopy !req
74. Bread ain't all thatCopy !req
75. Bread makes you fatCopy !req
76. Holy crap!Copy !req
77. Hey, Knives,
when did you start playing piano?Copy !req
78. More or less than four hours ago?Copy !req
79. Slightly more.Copy !req
80. And how did you get the CEO of G-Man Media
to bankroll your project?Copy !req
81. Oh, well, that was my idea.Copy !req
82. Mr. Patel had the capital,Copy !req
83. but he was also
an aspiring Broadway theater obsessive.Copy !req
84. I read an interview with him
in Forbes. So…Copy !req
85. when he flew us to New York City
for a pitch meeting in his secret lair,Copy !req
86. I knew exactly what to say.Copy !req
87. An off-Broadway musical.Copy !req
88. And who better to play the lead than you?Copy !req
89. Me? The main character?Copy !req
90. Not a lot of people know this,
but I majored in theater in college.Copy !req
91. In fact, I briefly starred
in my own one-man show.Copy !req
92. Gasp!Copy !req
93. I had no clue.Copy !req
94. Did anyone get it on video?Copy !req
95. Agony, misery, woe!Copy !req
96. Though it's different for eachCopy !req
97. Always ten steps behind
Always ten feet belowCopy !req
98. And she's just out of reachCopy !req
99. Agony—Copy !req
100. Wow, impressive!Copy !req
101. You think he's got the chops, Stephen?Copy !req
102. And then some!Copy !req
103. Silence! I've made my decision.Copy !req
104. Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Musical…Copy !req
105. is a go project!Copy !req
106. I hope you know
how much we value your opinion, pal.Copy !req
107. We're adapting your work, after all.Copy !req
108. From one creative to another,Copy !req
109. just know we're making every effort
to treat the material with respect.Copy !req
110. I know you're bummed your movie is dead,
but this is fun too, right?Copy !req
111. I don't care about
the movie shutting down.Copy !req
112. It didn't mean anything to me.Copy !req
113. I mean, I miss having my own golf cart.Copy !req
114. It didn't mean anything to you?Copy !req
115. From one creative to another,
I can't believe you're saying this.Copy !req
116. All my songs are like children to me.Copy !req
117. I guess the thing about that is
I don't even remember writing it.Copy !req
118. Do you mind explaining that
in any way, shape, or form?Copy !req
119. Well, I dreamed I saw
my sleep paralysis demon at my computer.Copy !req
120. Then I woke up the next day,
and there it was.Copy !req
121. A completed script with my name on it.Copy !req
122. And you're sure it was
a sleep paralysis demon?Copy !req
123. What else would it be?Copy !req
124. The person who actually wrote your script?Copy !req
125. Oh!Copy !req
126. Look!Copy !req
127. We have to tell Ramona about this.Copy !req
128. Oh, is she involved?Copy !req
129. She's the one who's been searching
for Scott this whole time.Copy !req
130. Really?Copy !req
131. You two moved on with your lives.Copy !req
132. But she's been skating all over town
asking a lot of stupid peopleCopy !req
133. some really smart questions.Copy !req
134. I didn't know that.Copy !req
135. Come on, Knives.
Can't we just let bygones be bygones?Copy !req
136. When we saw Ramona on the movie set,
you were as cool as a cucumber.Copy !req
137. That was business.
This is emotional business.Copy !req
138. Emotional businessCopy !req
139. Can I get a witness?Copy !req
140. Stop!Copy !req
141. Enough with the songwriting.
Can we focus for a second?Copy !req
142. Right. Let's go see Ramona.Copy !req
143. Gideon and Julie?Copy !req
144. Please! Gordon Goose would never.Copy !req
145. Can you please explain
this "Gordon Goose" thing?Copy !req
146. Well, when I was in high school
in North Bay, Ontario,Copy !req
147. Gordon Goose was
the weirdest kid in my year.Copy !req
148. His glasses were too big for his face.
His clothes fit funny.Copy !req
149. Even his hair looked wrong.Copy !req
150. Everyone called him "Fearless"Copy !req
151. because he wore those
"No Fear" t-shirts every day.Copy !req
152. I guess he started taking that name
a little too seriously.Copy !req
153. One day, out of nowhere, he presents
the most popular girl in schoolCopy !req
154. with a 12-point business plan
as to why she should date him.Copy !req
155. They call me Fearless.Copy !req
156. I have no fear of the sting of rejection.Copy !req
157. Therefore, there's no downside
to me attempting this.Copy !req
158. The whole school was watching.Copy !req
159. He moved away after that.Copy !req
160. But I never forgot about him.Copy !req
161. I had no idea Gideon Graves
was the dorky kid from my pastCopy !req
162. until he turned up on my doorstep.Copy !req
163. Matthew Patel took everything he had.Copy !req
164. And what was left behind?Copy !req
165. Gordon Goose.Copy !req
166. Gordon Goose.Copy !req
167. And that's working for you?Copy !req
168. We understand each other.Copy !req
169. When I was with him, Gideon…
Gordon was a twitchy, rage-filled,Copy !req
170. impulsive, emotionally abusive,
controlling, manipulative egomaniac.Copy !req
171. But if he makes you happy,
that's good, I guess.Copy !req
172. It's not good. It f****** sucks.Copy !req
173. I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
174. When Gordon showed up,
he was power-hungry.Copy !req
175. He wanted revenge.Copy !req
176. He would have done anything
to get his empire back.Copy !req
177. Ambition is hot.Copy !req
178. But after a few days,
it's like the evil drained out.Copy !req
179. Now he just sits on the couch
watching anime all day.Copy !req
180. What if it's an act?Copy !req
181. The Gideon I knew was a plotter.Copy !req
182. The whole League of Evil Exes thing
could have been a smokescreenCopy !req
183. for an ultra-secret kidnapping plot.Copy !req
184. Maybe none of the other exes
were in on it.Copy !req
185. Maybe it was all G-Man.Copy !req
186. Or maybe the two of you
were in on it together.Copy !req
187. Look, I wish that was the case.Copy !req
188. I wish we were up to
some exciting villain business.Copy !req
189. It would spice things up around the house.Copy !req
190. But he's just a loser, trust me.Copy !req
191. You can take him, or us, off your list.Copy !req
192. One step forward, two steps back.Copy !req
193. You should come over and say hey.Copy !req
194. I think Gordon wants to apologize
for creating the league and all that.Copy !req
195. Do I have to?Copy !req
196. Hey. So his real name is Gordon Goose,
and he's living here in the neighborhood,Copy !req
197. and he's dating some girl
who works in a coffee shop.Copy !req
198. Can you believe that crap?Copy !req
199. I love that crap.
I'm obsessed with that crap.Copy !req
200. Stacey! Were you eavesdropping?Copy !req
201. You shouldn't be here on your day off.Copy !req
202. Scoot. Scoot on out of here.Copy !req
203. Is that a hole in my roof?Copy !req
204. I was gone for 90 f****** minutes!Copy !req
205. What did you do to my house?Copy !req
206. And what's with the robot?Copy !req
207. What robot?Copy !req
208. Where have I seen that robot?Copy !req
209. I want some answers!Copy !req
210. It wasn't me. It was the Goose.Copy !req
211. What? Goose don't skate.Copy !req
212. Why would I build a skate ramp
in the middle of Julie's lovely home?Copy !req
213. She seems pissed.
Does this mean I can't live here?Copy !req
214. Live here? What?Copy !req
215. I don't care which one of you did it!
You're both gonna pay!Copy !req
216. - Gulp.
- Oh no.Copy !req
217. Julie Powers versus
Lucas Lee and Gordon Goose.Copy !req
218. Fight.Copy !req
219. Stop! This is stupid.Copy !req
220. Let's all be adults for once, okay?Copy !req
221. Julie, what are you doing?Copy !req
222. I don't know.
I guess I got caught up in the moment.Copy !req
223. Lucas, you can't live here.
That's ridiculous.Copy !req
224. Find your own place.Copy !req
225. I'm flat broke.Copy !req
226. I can't even afford
a first-class flight back to L.A.Copy !req
227. And the only work I can get
is voicing an animated series.Copy !req
228. Lucas Lee is live action or nothing.Copy !req
229. You might need to open your mind
to other opportunities.Copy !req
230. And you!Copy !req
231. Stop being a loser.Copy !req
232. And treat Julie
better than you treated me.Copy !req
233. Hey, that robot
with the lampshade on its head.Copy !req
234. Where have I seen it before?Copy !req
235. During the movie shoot.
He was spying on me in my trailer.Copy !req
236. Not there. Somewhere else.Copy !req
237. You know who made him, right?Copy !req
238. That's their special little guy
right there.Copy !req
239. The Twins.Copy !req
240. I gotta go.Copy !req
241. Guess she's got better things to do.Copy !req
242. Well, it's been real.Copy !req
243. Yeah, come by the coffee shop sometime.Copy !req
244. Free coffee?Copy !req
245. No f****** way!Copy !req
246. But if you ever want a job, we're hiring.Copy !req
247. Whatever.Copy !req
248. Gordon…Copy !req
249. My man.Copy !req
250. Jules, do you think I'm a loser?Copy !req
251. I don't know, Gordon.
Sometimes, I guess.Copy !req
252. Well,Copy !req
253. what if I said that while it seemed
like I wasn't doing anythingCopy !req
254. and was throwing a pity party…Copy !req
255. I was actually planning an elaborate plan.Copy !req
256. A plan in which I would get revenge
on the one who took everything from me.Copy !req
257. A plan that would turn
Matthew Patel into dust.Copy !req
258. What would you say
if I was planning a plan like that?Copy !req
259. What would I say?Copy !req
260. I'd say, "That's hot."Copy !req
261. Now clean my f****** house, Gordon!Copy !req
262. Right away!Copy !req
263. What are you all doing here?Copy !req
264. We have information about your case,
your Scott case.Copy !req
265. None of us had your phone number.Copy !req
266. What if I told you
I cracked the case wide open?Copy !req
267. Would any of you want to hear
what I figured out?Copy !req
268. This is my favorite part
of every "whodidit."Copy !req
269. The part when you find out who did it.Copy !req
270. It's "whodunnit."Copy !req
271. If anything, it'd be "Who's done it?"
I would know. I used to be a writer.Copy !req
272. Okay.Copy !req
273. As you all know, Scott was taken
from the scene of The RockitCopy !req
274. by someone who faked his death.Copy !req
275. I've been trying to figure out who did it,
why they did it, and how they did it.Copy !req
276. And now I know all three.Copy !req
277. Let's start with "the who."Copy !req
278. By now, most of you know about my past.Copy !req
279. I've dated a lot of people
who were suspect…Copy !req
280. That's a similar word to "suspects."Copy !req
281. Wow!Copy !req
282. Yeah. Wow!Copy !req
283. Five exes have been eliminated
from the list.Copy !req
284. Matthew Patel, Roxie Richter, Lucas Lee,
Todd Ingram, and Gideon Graves.Copy !req
285. Gordon Goose. Not that it matters.Copy !req
286. Okay, so, seven exes, five eliminated.Copy !req
287. That leaves—Copy !req
288. Two. The Twins.Copy !req
289. Ken and Kyle Katayanagi.Copy !req
290. They were my TAs in Robotics 101.Copy !req
291. Ken is 30 seconds older.
Kyle's the hothead.Copy !req
292. And that leads to "the why."Copy !req
293. They have the motivation.Copy !req
294. It was my second semester of college.
I didn't know what I was doing.Copy !req
295. I was a kid.Copy !req
296. But to the Twins, I was fresh meat.Copy !req
297. This year's girl.Copy !req
298. They were a couple of players,
and they wouldn't leave me alone.Copy !req
299. So maybe I got
a little bit of satisfactionCopy !req
300. when they figured out
I was playing them right back.Copy !req
301. See, I was dating both of them
at the same time.Copy !req
302. Damn, Ramona.Copy !req
303. Damn, Ramona.Copy !req
304. Sounds familiar.Copy !req
305. Familiar? To…?Copy !req
306. Someone seeing someone
and also seeing another someone,Copy !req
307. and neither of the someones are aware
of the other someone.Copy !req
308. Oh. Scott. Us.Copy !req
309. Hey, can we get back to the "whodidit"?Copy !req
310. Right.Copy !req
311. "The how" is a vegan portal
created by vegan powers.Copy !req
312. But this portal far exceeded
the power level of my only vegan ex.Copy !req
313. And that made me realize…Copy !req
314. What's more powerful than a human vegan?Copy !req
315. Two human vegans?Copy !req
316. No. A robot vegan.Copy !req
317. A robot that's never eaten meat.Copy !req
318. A robot that's never had any dairy.Copy !req
319. A vegan without the inherent flaws
of humanity.Copy !req
320. A vegan created by The Twins.Copy !req
321. I remembered
where I saw that robot before.Copy !req
322. It was at The Rockit
before Sex Bob-omb went on stage.Copy !req
323. See? Right before Scott disappeared.Copy !req
324. There you have it.
The who, the why, and the how.Copy !req
325. Ken and Kyle Katayanagi,
the twins I spurned in collegeCopy !req
326. kidnapped Scott Pilgrim by using
their robot's unique capabilitiesCopy !req
327. to create the most powerful
vegan portal of all time.Copy !req
328. It's simple, really.Copy !req
329. Wow!Copy !req
330. But maybe I missed something.
What about "the where"? Where is he?Copy !req
331. We'll know soon enough.Copy !req
332. When I find the Twins, I find Scott.Copy !req
333. So, about to be reunited with that one guy
you went on one date with one time, eh?Copy !req
334. Looks that way.Copy !req
335. Are you excited?Copy !req
336. That's a pretty big question.Copy !req
337. Didn't we come here for a reason?Copy !req
338. Oh, yeah, right!Copy !req
339. We came here with information.Copy !req
340. About your Scott case.Copy !req
341. Well, about Young Neil, actually.Copy !req
342. Young Neil didn't write that script.Copy !req
343. He didn't write
Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life!Copy !req
344. Apparently, I didn't write the movie.Copy !req
345. Then who did?Copy !req
346. We don't know.Copy !req
347. We didn't figure out
the who, the why, or the how,Copy !req
348. but we did figure out "the when."Copy !req
349. I thought someone would say it!
I wasn't pausing for dramatic effect.Copy !req
350. According to the file data,
that script was written 14 years from now.Copy !req
351. - Hey.
- Scott?Copy !req
352. Where have you been?Copy !req
353. Was it the Twins? Their robot?Copy !req
354. The vegan portal?Copy !req
355. Are you okay?Copy !req
356. I'm okay.Copy !req
357. And yes, it was the Twins,
and their robot, and the vegan portal.Copy !req
358. But someone else
was behind the whole thing.Copy !req
359. Someone else?Copy !req
360. Who?Copy !req
361. It was me.Copy !req
362. I did it.Copy !req