1. Okay, there I am at my roommate's
bandmate's funeral thinking,
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2. "Whoa, like, what if I can die?"
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3. And just when I found out I'm a cinephile?
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4. Anyway, that's why I'm busy
writing this movie.
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5. So don't bother calling.
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6. This is your son, by the way.
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7. Young Neil.
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8. I've written nothing?
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9. What?
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10. My sleep paralysis demon?
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11. I wrote
a feature-length screenplay in my sleep.
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12. I'm a screenwriter!
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13. You changed your hair. What's up, Ramona?
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14. Nothing major.
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15. Just, somebody kidnapped
Scott Pilgrim and faked his death.
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16. You're f****** joking.
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17. Stacey, I'm taking my fifteen.
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18. You took your fifteen 20 minutes ago!
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19. And would you stop swearing?
We have f******* customers!
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20. F*** my life!
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21. Tell me everything.
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22. Last night, in my dreams,
I saw Scott's subspace highway…
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23. and heard his voice.
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24. Ramona…
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25. Subspace what?
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26. It doesn't matter.
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27. I think it means he's alive.
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28. So I went back to The Rockit
to look at the security footage
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29. of what we thought was Scott's death.
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30. Someone grabbed him
and pulled him into a portal.
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31. Somebody wants us to think he's dead.
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32. I knew it was too good to be true.
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33. Can a guy get a croissant?
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34. Wallace? Have you been out all night?
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35. - Did you say Scott's alive?
- Yeah.
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36. Trippy.
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37. Well, if you see him,
tell him I changed the locks.
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38. And if you see me,
remind me to change the locks.
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39. Your sugar daddy days are over?
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40. For him, absolutely.
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41. For others, we'll see.
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42. The future is a mystery.
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43. Here's your f****** croissant!
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44. Ladies.
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45. So why would someone kidnap Scott?
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46. And why would they get my hopes up
by making it seem like he was dead?
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47. I haven't figured that out yet.
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48. Yet?
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49. Don't tell me
you're gonna try to find him.
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50. I think I have to.
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51. Ramona, I don't see
how any of this is your responsibility.
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52. You went on one date.
How good could it have been?
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53. Honestly, great.
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54. Your date with Scott Pilgrim?
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55. Yikes.
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56. Well, more power to you.
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57. So what's your next move, Columbo?
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58. Well, you know everyone, right?
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59. I thought you could give me a rundown
of the major characters in Scott's life.
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60. More like major suspects.
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61. Well, let's see. There's Stephen Stills.
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62. My ex, the singer in the band.
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63. He's a mess. Too much anxiety
for even the simplest decisions.
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64. No way could he mastermind a kidnapping.
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65. Then there's Stephen's roommate,
Young Neil.
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66. He's kinda sheltered, and he's only 19,
but don't let that fool you.
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67. He's an idiot.
He'd make Scott look like a genius,
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68. but he can't,
because that's literally impossible.
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69. What about Envy Adams?
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70. Oh boy! Scott's ex. The big one—
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71. Excuse me. I asked for an iced Americano.
This is a hot Americano—
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72. Then add some ice cubes to it!
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73. You stupid f***.
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74. As I was saying, Envy Adams
pulled Scott's heart out of his chest
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75. and stomped all over it
with her patent leather combat boots.
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76. And that was before she went on
to become a global sex symbol.
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77. I saw her do her thing at the funeral.
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78. She's even hotter in person.
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79. Are we sure they dated?
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80. Yeah, you're obviously not the only one
with questionable taste, Ramona.
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81. Who else?
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82. You know who you should talk to?
His other ex.
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83. - She's known him longer than anyone.
- Okay. Who is she?
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84. What is Sex Bob-omb without Scott?
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85. He really added something to our sound,
something undefinable.
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86. Bass. He added bass.
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87. Right! Exactly!
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88. Can we have a band with no bass?
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89. What if we find a new bass player
and they make us worse?
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90. The odds are they'd make us better
because we probably sucked.
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91. There's always Scott's understudy.
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92. No! I fear change!
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93. Hey, you wanna
try playing something together?
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94. Just for fun?
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95. Me and you?
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96. I don't see anyone else in here.
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97. How long have you been playing the drums?
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98. A long time. Since I was 14.
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99. Drumming is a great outlet
for my emotions.
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100. - Rage, mostly.
- Wow!
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101. But how do I know which notes to play?
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102. It's up to you.
That's why they call it "play."
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103. Whoa!
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104. How long have you been playing bass?
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105. What time is it?
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106. 4 p.m.
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107. Then, four hours.
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108. I'm late for work.
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109. Have you ever thought about collaborating
with a seasoned songwriter?
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110. - Sorry, I'm late.
- I don't care.
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111. Kim, customer.
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112. Funny thought.
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113. Maybe he faked his own death
to get out of paying his late fees.
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114. You're half right.
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115. Which half?
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116. He's not dead.
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117. The house always wins.
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118. It's just a dumb thing a dumb person
told me one time.
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119. So. You've been using
Scott's unconscious dreamscape
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120. to deliver DVDs quicker?
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121. You're the first person in Canada
to understand that.
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122. It's not a complicated concept.
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123. No wonder you're putting us
out of business.
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124. - Canada?
- No, video stores.
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125. Julie said you knew him the longest.
When did you meet?
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126. You told me you were good at drawing.
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127. Maps are hard.
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128. If I had to draw a sheep, though,
I'd draw it perfect.
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129. A sheep?
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130. Draw me a sheep.
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131. That's the worst sheep I've ever seen.
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132. What are you talking about?
This sheep is excellent!
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133. He was always an idiot.
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134. But one thing led to another,
and to my continued embarrassment,
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135. Scott Pilgrim became my first boyfriend.
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136. Is Scott drawing you a sheep
your most romantic memory, or…
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137. There was this one time
I was kidnapped by a rival school,
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138. and Scott had to fight through
an entire army of teen jerks
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139. and their leader Simon Lee to rescue me.
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140. That's a romantic memory.
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141. Yeah, but how romantic can a memory be
if things ended terribly?
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142. Well, you're still friends.
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143. That's gotta be a good sign.
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144. He's at least a lovable idiot, right?
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145. You like him, don't you?
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146. There were sparks.
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147. You're in trouble.
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148. Why does this always happen to me?
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149. I don't know. Maybe you could ask
one of your seven evil exes?
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150. I kinda assumed
they'd be your first suspects.
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151. I'm not in a hurry to see them.
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152. What?
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153. Sounds like Hollie's taking care of it.
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154. Kim! Customer!
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155. This is unexpected.
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156. Well, you better get better at expecting.
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157. You two know each other?
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158. We were college roommates.
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159. And more!
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160. And more.
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161. So, you're…
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162. Roxie Richter! Ramona's fourth evil ex!
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163. Okay!
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164. Fourth? What about two and three?
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165. Four ain't nothing but a number, baby.
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166. Besides, the League lies in ruin.
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167. So here I am!
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168. Rox you like a hurricane!
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169. Why are you even—
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170. I'm here for us, Ramona.
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171. First in line to win your heart.
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172. Because I have something
the others never will.
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173. Which is what, exactly?
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174. Emotional intelligence.
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175. None of these boys know
how to talk about their feelings.
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176. What you fail to mention is
that when it comes to feelings,
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177. you're as clueless as the boys.
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178. That is so unfair!
You're just impossible to talk to!
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179. You want to talk about feelings?
Start talking.
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180. I've got a better idea.
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181. Let's fight about 'em!
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182. Roxie Richter versus Ramona Flowers!
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183. Fight!
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184. Whoa!
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185. Are we really doing this again?
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186. Ramona! You b****!
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187. Get off!
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188. An old movie?
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189. Come on!
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190. They're ruining my movie.
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191. I'm taking my fifteen.
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192. Ora!
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193. You're done—
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194. That's cheap.
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195. I don't want to fight you, Roxie.
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196. Gonna run away? Like you did back then?
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197. Roxie, I…
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198. Roxie…
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199. I'm sorry.
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200. For what?
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201. For leaving the way I did.
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202. I was too afraid to face you.
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203. So you left without a word?
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204. You made me feel like nothing!
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205. You were afraid?
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206. Good for you!
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207. All I wanted was for you to see me!
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208. I'm sorry.
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209. Apology accepted.
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210. But that doesn't mean
I'm gonna let you win.
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211. Roxie!
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212. Roxie!
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213. As far as I'm concerned, you won.
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214. College doesn't seem that long ago,
but we were pretty immature, weren't we?
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215. You know, I can't remember the last time
I just hung out with the girls.
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216. This is nice.
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217. The snacks aren't free, you know.
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218. Come on! Fighting makes me hungry.
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219. - You were really kicking my ass.
- You're not just saying that?
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220. I never just say anything.
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221. Nice. Should we kiss?
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222. I have unfinished business with Scott.
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223. Emotional business?
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224. He's dead, Ramona.
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225. He's not dead. It's complicated.
I've gotta find him first.
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226. But I'd like to be your friend.
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227. - With benefits?
- No benefits.
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228. Worth a shot.
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229. What about you?
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230. I'm not…
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231. No sparks.
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232. Worth a shot.
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233. What about your hot coworker?
Is she coming back?
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234. Okay, it's time for you to leave.
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235. At least I have one less suspect.
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236. Roxie didn't know Scott was alive.
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237. This was a productive day
as far as fights are concerned.
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238. Everybody needs closure.
That's why they call it closure.
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239. Now you're one step closer
to the dumb boy of your dreams,
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240. and you buried the hatchet with an ex.
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241. Multitasking.
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242. Don't tell me I'm gonna have to do this
with all seven of them.
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243. Hollywood legend Lucas Lee
is one of your exes?
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244. Unfortunately.
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245. Damn, Ramona.
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246. I know he's a handsome, big-chested,
devil-may-care Hollywood d-bag,
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247. but is he evil enough
to kidnap a dude and fake his death?
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248. Only one way to find out.
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249. My mistake.
I thought you were a garbage can. Sorry!
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250. F***!
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251. Gideon Graves? G-Man?
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252. So you don't remember me.
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253. Gideon Graves wasn't my birth name.
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254. It was an identity I created.
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255. When I moved to New York City,
I left my past behind and leveled up.
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256. But back in the day,
you knew me by another name.
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257. Gordon?
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258. Gordon Goose from North Bay, Ontario?
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259. Fearless.
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260. Then you do remember me.
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261. You may be the only one who does.
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262. Julie, I've lost everything.
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263. My empire is gone.
My billionaire friends have shunned me.
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264. Even my millionaire friends
have turned their backs.
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265. I couldn't even get
a reservation at McDonald's.
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266. They laughed at me when I called.
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267. So I spent the last of my pocket money
on bus fare to Toronto
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268. just to see one sympathetic face.
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269. Gordon,
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270. get your butt in here.
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