Scott Pilgrim Takes Off 1x2

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1. I won?

2. I won!

3. What are you doing? I won.

4. That means you and I are free to get back together.

5. Right?

6. Those are the rules of the league!

7. Hey! Where are you going?

8. Guys, did anyone get that fight on video?

9. You guys leaving? Is there an after-party?

10. What's going on?

11. Where did everybody go?

12. Is the show over?

13. There was no show. The bass player was punched to death.

14. Did you say "punched to death"?

15. As in to… death?

16. Yes, those are the words I said.

17. No!

18. Ramona Flowers.

19. The girl of, or from, Scott's dreams.

20. Wallace. How are you?

21. Well, I always liked wearing black.

22. This is as good an excuse as any.

23. Love the new hair.

24. I can't believe he's gone.

25. It's not a surprise, really.

26. He was always taking on high-level enemies.

27. Yeah, but he always won.

28. Nobody wins forever.

29. The house does.

30. Like casinos.

31. I'm gonna sit next to someone else.

32. Hey, you're the girl that got Scott killed, right?

33. It's good to meet you.

34. - Ramona. - Young Neil.

35. I guess now I'll never know if we sucked.

36. Which is kind of nice.

37. I just wish it were under different circumstances.

38. I miss you, pal.

39. You!

40. What are you doing here? You killed Scott Pilgrim!

41. Did she say killed?

42. This is juicy.

43. I don't know if that's fair.

44. Fair? You're responsible. You're the one to blame.

45. It's your fault!

46. This has got to be the most dramatic funeral I've ever been to.

47. It doesn't get more dramatic.

48. Or does it?

49. Showtime!

50. Envy Adams!

51. No way! It's the real deal!

52. Envy!

53. Icon! Queen! Mommy!

54. Envy Adams is amazing!

55. She's the lead singer of my favorite band of all time!

56. The Clash at Demonhead? I thought we were your favorite band.

57. Well, they're my favorite real band.

58. Sex Bob-omb is my favorite band that isn't real.

59. I'd like to thank you all for coming out to see me.

60. We love you, Envy!

61. As you all know, I briefly dated Scott Pilgrim in my pre-celebrity life.

62. We didn't all know!

63. And even though he was the least important chapter of the book of my life,

64. and even though I don't remember much about our relationship at all,

65. I thought I'd sing a song in his memory.

66. I will remember you

67. Will you remember me?

68. Scott dated her?

69. Crazy, right?

70. Can you imagine having an ex who became a huge celebrity after you broke up?

71. Weep not for the memories

72. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep

73. I'm standing on the edge Of something much too deep

74. It's funny how we feel so much But we can't say a word

75. We are screaming inside But we can't be heard

76. I will remember you

77. Will you remember me?

78. Don't let your life pass you by

79. Weep not for the memory

80. "Dear Evil Ex."

81. "All seven of you are cordially invited to a very special evening."

82. Did I just get invited to my own lair?

83. Weep not for the memory

84. Envy, I love you!

85. - Envy! Sign my neck! - Step on my corpse!

86. I'm sorry, Scott.

87. New York City, America.

88. Mr. Lee, I'm a huge fan.

89. Tell me something I don't know.

90. - Todd. - Lucas.

91. Heard you started dipping your toes in the waters of the acting game.

92. I've had a few auditions.

93. Maybe you should stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

94. Let the pros do the pro things.

95. Vegans have perfect photographic memories. I could memorize an entire script…

96. just like that.

97. I don't even read the scripts anymore.

98. I just say the first thing that pops into my head.

99. It's called "being in the moment."

100. Is that why half your lines in your last movie were "Let's party!"

101. Don't know. Didn't watch it.

102. Drink, sir?

103. Let's party.

104. Sick lair, bro.

105. Why'd you bring us here, Gideon?

106. I didn't.

107. The person behind this event remains a mystery.

108. Who invited the robot?

109. No one did.

110. For it is I who did the inviting. Matthew Patel!

111. The robot's with us.

112. The first one we ever built. We call him Robot-01.

113. We gendered him, too. Male.

114. He's our special little guy.

115. This party was curated.

116. No plus ones!

117. I see none of you took my request for cocktail attire seriously.

118. I don't even know what that is.

119. I thought it meant there'd be drinks.

120. I was right.

121. No matter.

122. I brought you all here

123. because I've realized there's a fatal flaw in our league.

124. A failure of leadership.

125. Are you questioning my methods?

126. I'm not questioning them. I'm answering them.

127. I, Matthew Patel, defeated Ramona's new boyfriend and got nothing for it!

128. Ramona has a new boyfriend?

129. Sounds like she had a new boyfriend.

130. Correct.

131. His name was Scott Pilgrim, and I punched him into the next life.

132. Scott Pilgrim?

133. The random Canadian guy whose funeral was inexplicably attended by Envy Adams?

134. She performed a song. It was all over the news.

135. That's right. My girlfriend, Envy Adams.

136. We all know you're dating Envy Adams. Act like you've been here before.

137. Listen to me, all of you.

138. If we win, we don't get Ramona.

139. I flawlessly defeated her precious little Scott,

140. and she still turned me down!

141. Gasp.

142. You're the lowest-ranked evil ex.

143. Why do you think you'd get the girl?

144. You were fighting him so I'd get the girl.

145. Wait, that's your plan?

146. And the rest of us get nothing?

147. Nothing? Sounds like a bad deal.

148. I think this league needs a new direction and a new evil ex in charge.

149. You really think I'd just hand the league over?

150. No. I think I'll fight you for it.

151. You versus me. Winner takes all.

152. I'm Gideon Graves.

153. I own two record labels, a movie studio, 14 animal shelters, and this league.

154. You're a D-plus theater student with delusional Broadway dreams.

155. This is a joke. You're not worth my time.

156. Sounds like somebody's scared.

157. What did you just say?

158. She said, "It sounds like somebody's scared."

159. That's what I thought she said, but that's not me. No.

160. Nothing's ever scared me! My nickname in school was "Fearless."

161. I wore "No fear" shirts every day!

162. Sounds to me like those shirts were a lie, bro.

163. They weren't a lie!

164. Then it's time for G-Man to put his fists where his mouth is.

165. You just made the biggest mistake of your life.

166. "Winner takes all"?

167. That's what you propose?

168. You think you stand a chance against my power?

169. Fine. These are my terms.

170. If you win, you can take it all.

171. The league, my empire, everything.

172. But if you lose, which you will, I take your life.

173. I accept those terms.

174. Then it's time for you to be reunited with Scott Pilgrim

175. in hell.

176. Gideon Graves versus Matthew Patel.

177. Fight!

178. You're messing with a CEO, pal.

179. No, we are.

180. Come on, girls.

181. Fireball!

182. No! Lord Matthew!

183. Go, Matthew! Go!

184. Let's get in the game!

185. I'm just getting started.

186. Fly, girls! Full-court press!

187. Look out!

188. Slam dunk!

189. He's on fire!

190. Still think I'm a loser?

191. I do.

192. Time to take this fight to the next level.

193. Patel!

194. Damn it! Matthew, come on out…

195. - Surprise attack! - Surprise attack!

196. Now, girls!

197. Again!

198. You're a D-plus fighter, too!

199. How did he…

200. Damn! End of the line.

201. Oh no!

202. Die!

203. You're mine!

204. This is what we in the business call a reversal of fortune.

205. It's over.

206. What are you waiting for, Matt? Finish him.

207. I gotta stop eating meat.

208. Finally!

209. If I could just have your signature right here, Mr. Graves.

210. What… What's this?

211. The result of this fight is legally binding.

212. Everything of yours now belongs to Mr. Patel.

213. Hey!

214. My empire?

215. My league?

216. My lair?

217. My home?

218. My underwear?

219. Those were the terms.

220. Fine.

221. Do it! Put me out of my misery!

222. No. I want to put you into your misery.

223. This is my league now. I'm the main character.

224. Here's to the new boss.

225. "O Captain! My Captain!"

226. Betrayed!

227. By all of you!

228. Lucas Lee?

229. Todd?

230. Twin?

231. Other twin?

232. Et tu, Roxanne?

233. Et tu? Eat me.

234. Wait, Roxie. I never properly appreciated you before.

235. You have something the other exes don't.

236. And that's why you should join me. We could be a league of two.

237. I don't need a league to get a girl.

238. Have a nice life, loser.

239. You look like you're dying. Let me get you a blanket.

240. Sparks.

241. Ramona.

242. Ramona.

243. Scott?

244. He's alive!