Scott Pilgrim Takes Off 1x1

Directed by Abel Góngora

Stefan Johnson as Announcer's Voice (voice) • Caleb Yen as Additional Voices (voice) • Alan Lee as Additional Voices (voice) • Lucien Dodge as Additional Voices (voice) • Deneen Melody as Additional Voices (voice)

Slacker Scott Pilgrim leads a sweet and simple life. Until sparks fly — and ignite total chaos — when he meets the rainbow-haired girl of his dreams.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I'm so… alone.

2. The girl of my dreams?

3. It's time to wake up, dude.

4. I had a dream about that girl again.

5. I didn't care the first time you told me.

6. I care even less now.

7. But she has cool hair and wheels.

8. Wow! So specific.

9. - When are you getting your own place? - Isn't this my place?

10. No, I let you crash here one time, and you never left.

11. That's not how I remember it.

12. Could you at least get your own stuff?

13. I have stuff.

14. You do not have stuff.

15. Can I have some?

16. Some of my coffee?

17. I don't have to take this guff from you.

18. You're right. You don't. So leave.

19. I was just about to anyway.

20. Toronto, Canada. Not too long ago.

21. We are Sex Bob-omb!

22. One! Two! Three! Four!

23. Hey! Hey!

24. Hey! Hey!

25. Can't find my way around

26. When the sun comes up, I'm down

27. Hey! Hey!

28. I feel fine!

29. Hey! Hey!

30. - I don't feel good - I feel fine!

31. Hey! Hey!

32. I feel fine!

33. Hey! Hey!

34. - I don't feel good! - I feel fine!

35. Wow! You might be the best band of all time.

36. We're not.

37. Maybe Knives has really good taste and knows things others don't.

38. Wouldn't count on it.

39. Want to do it again?

40. Let's do it again!

41. Hey! Hey!

42. Why aren't you bringing your new girlfriend to Julie's party?

43. She's not really my girlfriend.

44. Then what is she?

45. She's sort of my girlfriend.

46. Scott, your life is so interesting.

47. Thanks, Kim.

48. Oh, that was sarcasm.

49. All right, you guys want to… What?

50. Hey.

51. Hi.

52. You know Sonic the Hedgehog?

53. You probably know this, but in the early 90s,

54. there were two different Sonic cartoons airing at the same time.

55. One was dark and dramatic.

56. The other was a hilarious comedy about chili dogs.

57. And the same guy played Sonic in both shows.

58. Isn't that wild?

59. The same guy playing two different versions of the same guy?

60. Maybe you didn't watch cartoons, or you're not into chili dogs.

61. They're okay.

62. I mostly watched older stuff when I was a kid.

63. You know, Columbo reruns.

64. Reruns. Cool, got it.

65. Are you real?

66. Did you just ask me if I was real?

67. No, I was talking to someone else. Bye!

68. Why are you here?

69. I'm a plus-one.

70. There were no plus-ones.

71. Everyone here is someone I invited personally.

72. My parties are curated.

73. So, do you know this one girl with hair like this?

74. Ramona Flowers?

75. Ramona.

76. - She's from New York City. - The Big Apple.

77. She moved here after a bad breakup.

78. She's single.

79. Got a job delivering DVDs for Netflix.

80. DVDs for Netflix.

81. - I'm like her only friend in town. - She needs friends.

82. I forbid you from dating her, Scott Pilgrim!

83. Cool. Thanks, Julie. Bye.

84. Wallace, quick! What movie should I rent?

85. You're banned from No-Account Video.

86. You owe, like, a gajillion dollars in late fees.

87. Not the rental place. I'm using the World Wide Web.

88. What should I rent?

89. Something starring a hot guy.

90. I think I need the name of a hot guy.

91. Fine.

92. Lucas Lee.

93. Best chest in the business.

94. Action Doctor, Let's Hope There's A Heaven,

95. Thrilled To Be Here.

96. The Game Is Over 2! It's over a second time! That sounds fun.

97. Are you waiting for the DVD?

98. It's gonna take a bit.

99. How long could it take?

100. Sonic guy?

101. Yes, that's me.

102. Are you "Wallace Wells"?

103. No, I'm Scott. Scott Pilgrim.

104. Wallace is my cool, gay roommate.

105. He lets me use his credit card.

106. Oh.

107. So like a sugar daddy situation?

108. Sugar what?

109. Cool. Enjoy your DVD, Mr. Wells.

110. - Wait. - Hmm?

111. Are you the person in my dreams?

112. I thought we went over this already.

113. So, you are? Isn't that weird?

114. It's not weird at all.

115. There's just a convenient subspace highway running through your head.

116. It's like three miles in 15 seconds.

117. I don't know what that is in kilometers.

118. Space subways. Totally. I get it.

119. Anyway, want to go out sometime?

120. You want to go on a date? With me?

121. Doesn't have to be a date. It could be a low-key team-up.

122. Canada and America joining forces?

123. You're new in town. I'm old in town. What do you think?

124. Why are you just standing there?

125. Dude, I'm waiting on you.

126. It's getting nice out, eh? I didn't really need the parka.

127. What's with the "X" anyway?

128. Oh, this?

129. Well, obviously, one of us went to Professor Xavier's school

130. for gifted youngsters, and one of us did not.

131. Is that a Sonic thing?

132. Is it Sonic?

133. No, it isn't.

134. So, why'd you move to Toronto?

135. Just so you could go to Julie's parties?

136. No.

137. Well, I got the job delivering DVDs for Netflix,

138. and Gideon always said Toronto is one of the great cities. So…

139. Is Gideon a boyfriend?

140. He's a friend.

141. So, what do you do?

142. I'm between jobs.

143. Between what and what?

144. Well, my last job is a really long story filled with sighs.

145. Maybe we can get into it in a later episode.

146. We don't have to talk about our pasts. It's my least favorite subject.

147. I should have checked the weather. Guess you need that parka now.

148. It's just a little bit of snow. Did it snow where you came from?

149. I thought we were avoiding the past.

150. Where you're from? That's not the past. That's a location.

151. Fine.

152. Where are you from?

153. Up north.

154. Then you're used to this kind of weather, right?

155. Yeah. Are you?

156. I grew up in the mountains, man.

157. Did you do a lot of skiing?

158. No, not really.

159. Yeah.

160. Bring me Matthew Patel.

161. The game has begun.

162. Do you ice skate?

163. I assumed, considering you rollerblade.

164. I did figure skating when I was four.

165. Look at that.

166. You got me talking about the past again.

167. You're quite the trickster, Scott Pilgrim.

168. And I wasn't even trying.

169. This really picked up.

170. Ramona, I can't see you!

171. Relax. Take my hand.

172. There should be a door around here.

173. What?

174. This is your apartment.

175. So, that star door was one of your space subways?

176. Basically. Yeah.

177. Good thing this wasn't a real date.

178. Otherwise, it would qualify as a major disaster.

179. I'll make us some tea.

180. You look like you're dying.

181. Let me get you a blanket.

182. Dude, I'm changing.

183. Sorry. I'm just cold and innocent.

184. There you go. Now I can't see anything. That's better.

185. Does this help?

186. I'm cold too.

187. - Sparks. - Uh-huh.

188. Were you just gonna bring the blanket from your bed?

189. I guess.

190. Maybe we could both get under it while it's on the bed

191. since we're both… cold.

192. I'm not sure if I'm ready.

193. I changed my mind.

194. From what to what?

195. I don't wanna have sex with you, Pilgrim. Not right now.

196. That's okay. That's cool.

197. I'm not gonna send you home in a snowstorm, or anything.

198. You can sleep in my bed.

199. And I reserve the right to change my mind about the sex later.

200. Awesome.

201. You sent for me?

202. I did.

203. I just wanted to say thanks for creating this league.

204. It's pretty high-concept.

205. I didn't bring you here for flattery.

206. Things have taken a turn.

207. It seems our dear Ramona has a new suitor.

208. It's really happening? Who is he?

209. My interns compiled extensive research on the subject.

210. Scott Pilgrim, 23-years-old. Lives in Toronto, Canada.

211. Jobless, hopeless.

212. He's in an indie band of subjective quality.

213. How long have they been dating?

214. They've been on one date, but he's currently sleeping in her bed.

215. That bastard!

216. Indeed. But this is where it gets interesting.

217. Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler.

218. What?

219. Wait, I'm sorry. Did you say he's dating a high schooler?

220. Dating may be a strong word.

221. Our intel says they've never kissed, but they did hold hands once.

222. Does Ramona know?

223. He hasn't told her yet.

224. Wow! And I thought we were evil.

225. What's his fight experience?

226. He's been described as, quote, "The best fighter in the province."

227. Unquote.

228. This scumbag sounds like a challenge.

229. Are you worried?

230. No, I'm glad it won't be easy. I'll relish this victory.

231. Ramona's new guy is gonna wish he was never born

232. because his brutal death is inevitable!

233. Because of me.

234. Because I'm gonna kill him.

235. And then he'll be dead.

236. I hope Scott Pilgrim enjoys the final few days of his precious little life.

237. What time is it?

238. Not quite 8:00 a.m.

239. I have to work, so you have to leave.

240. Hey, can this not be a one-night stand?

241. For one thing, I'm not even sure if it would count.

242. I'll consider it.

243. What did you have in mind?

244. Oh! My band has a show tonight. At the Rockit, 9:00 p.m.

245. You have a band?

246. Yeah. We're terrible. Please come.

247. Yeah, okay. 9:00 p.m. The Rockit. I'll be there.

248. I bet you're wondering why I never came home last night.

249. I did wonder how I got so lucky.

250. Well, actually, I am the one who got lucky,

251. because I spent the night with the girl of, or from, my dreams.

252. Ramona Flowers.

253. Congrats.

254. You need to break up with your fake high school girlfriend.

255. Do I have to?

256. I mean, are we really even dating?

257. Knives thinks you are, and Knives is an angel.

258. You need to end it immediately.

259. Fine, you're right. I'll do it.

260. Good.

261. By the way, there's a letter for you.

262. "Dear Mr. Pilgrim, my name is Matthew Patel."

263. "I challenge you to a…" blah, blah, blah, something about fighting…

264. "League of Evil Exes…"

265. More like a League of boring.

266. - You coming to our show tonight? - Unfortunately, yes.

267. Hey, Knives.

268. Have you met Stacey?

269. Wow! I've heard so much about you.

270. So, how goes it?

271. I am 16 kinds of pumped to see Sex Bob-omb tonight.

272. That's how it goes!

273. I feel so excited I might actually pass out!

274. Boy, it sure seems like nobody delivered crushing news to you today.

275. Crushing? Like, a bad kind of crushing?

276. Oh, you poor thing!

277. You're better than him. Just know that. Okay?

278. Better than who?

279. Scott!

280. I have to go.

281. Huh?

282. Why are you stressing, Scott?

283. Who's stressing? Stephen's stressing.

284. Of course I'm stressing. The opening band pulled out.

285. They flaked!

286. Crash and the Boys flaked?

287. I heard they were changing it to just "Crash" and losing the "Boys."

288. You can't call a band "Crash."

289. Crash is a cult classic car crash sex film shot right here in Toronto.

290. I didn't know you were a cinephile.

291. What's a cinephile?

292. Crash, Boys.

293. Either way, they probably canceled because they think we suck.

294. We probably do.

295. That's not funny, Kim.

296. If we suck, then the audience won't like us.

297. They'll think we suck.

298. - Maybe we should cancel the show. - Hey.

299. There's only one way to find out if we suck, and that's by playing…

300. now.

301. So, are you a fan of Sex Bob-omb?

302. No, I'm kind of seeing someone in the band.

303. That's crazy! I am too!

304. Who are you dating in the band?

305. We are Sex Bob-omb!

306. One! Two! Three! Four!

307. In your orange shirt

308. We'll go for yogurt

309. Wish I could paint you Whoa-oh-oh

310. I'd never do you justice

311. Oh yeah

312. Oh yeah

313. I only wanted to be near you

314. I only wanted to be close to someone

315. I only wanted to be next to you

316. Mr. Pilgrim.

317. Reversal!

318. Wait, hold on.

319. Who are you exactly, and why are we fighting?

320. Aren't you Scott Pilgrim?

321. Depends who's asking.

322. It is I…

323. Matthew Patel, Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend.

324. Cool. And you're here because…?

325. Didn't you read my letter?

326. Kind of.

327. I hand-delivered it during a blizzard.

328. Remind me what it said, exactly.

329. It said, “Ramona Flowers has seven evil exes,

330. each more powerful than the last."

331. "All of whom you must defeat in order to date her.”

332. We're evil exes.

333. We dated Ramona.

334. - Evil. - Evil.

335. It was a very detailed letter!

336. You knew about this?

337. Right, yeah, I heard about it.

338. I sort of thought it was a joke?

339. And you really dated this guy?

340. Yeah. In middle school.

341. It was football season, and for some reason,

342. all the little jocks wanted me.

343. Matthew Patel was the only non-white, non-jock boy in school,

344. maybe the only one for miles around.

345. So, we joined forces and took 'em all out.

346. Nothing could beat Matthew's mystical powers

347. combined with my brute strength.

348. We only kissed once, and we were quits after something like a week and a half.

349. He didn't even get truly evil until high school,

350. and by that time, he lived far, far away.

351. Mystical powers?

352. Unfair.

353. All's fair in love and…

354. War? I think it's war.

355. Time to fight!

356. Matthew Patel versus Scott Pilgrim.

357. Round one. Fight.

358. KO?

359. I won?

360. I won!