1. I'm so… alone.Copy !req
2. The girl of my dreams?Copy !req
3. It's time to wake up, dude.Copy !req
4. I had a dream about that girl again.Copy !req
5. I didn't care the first time you told me.Copy !req
6. I care even less now.Copy !req
7. But she has cool hair and wheels.Copy !req
8. Wow! So specific.Copy !req
9. - When are you getting your own place?
- Isn't this my place?Copy !req
10. No, I let you crash here one time,
and you never left.Copy !req
11. That's not how I remember it.Copy !req
12. Could you at least get your own stuff?Copy !req
13. I have stuff.Copy !req
14. You do not have stuff.Copy !req
15. Can I have some?Copy !req
16. Some of my coffee?Copy !req
17. I don't have to take this guff from you.Copy !req
18. You're right. You don't. So leave.Copy !req
19. I was just about to anyway.Copy !req
20. Toronto, Canada. Not too long ago.Copy !req
21. We are Sex Bob-omb!Copy !req
22. One! Two! Three! Four!Copy !req
23. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
24. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
25. Can't find my way aroundCopy !req
26. When the sun comes up, I'm downCopy !req
27. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
28. I feel fine!Copy !req
29. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
30. - I don't feel good
- I feel fine!Copy !req
31. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
32. I feel fine!Copy !req
33. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
34. - I don't feel good!
- I feel fine!Copy !req
35. Wow! You might be
the best band of all time.Copy !req
36. We're not.Copy !req
37. Maybe Knives has really good taste
and knows things others don't.Copy !req
38. Wouldn't count on it.Copy !req
39. Want to do it again?Copy !req
40. Let's do it again!Copy !req
41. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
42. Why aren't you bringing
your new girlfriend to Julie's party?Copy !req
43. She's not really my girlfriend.Copy !req
44. Then what is she?Copy !req
45. She's sort of my girlfriend.Copy !req
46. Scott, your life is so interesting.Copy !req
47. Thanks, Kim.Copy !req
48. Oh, that was sarcasm.Copy !req
49. All right, you guys want to… What?Copy !req
50. Hey.Copy !req
51. Hi.Copy !req
52. You know Sonic the Hedgehog?Copy !req
53. You probably know this,
but in the early 90s,Copy !req
54. there were two different Sonic cartoons
airing at the same time.Copy !req
55. One was dark and dramatic.Copy !req
56. The other was a hilarious comedy
about chili dogs.Copy !req
57. And the same guy played Sonic
in both shows.Copy !req
58. Isn't that wild?Copy !req
59. The same guy playing
two different versions of the same guy?Copy !req
60. Maybe you didn't watch cartoons,
or you're not into chili dogs.Copy !req
61. They're okay.Copy !req
62. I mostly watched older stuff
when I was a kid.Copy !req
63. You know, Columbo reruns.Copy !req
64. Reruns. Cool, got it.Copy !req
65. Are you real?Copy !req
66. Did you just ask me if I was real?Copy !req
67. No, I was talking to someone else. Bye!Copy !req
68. Why are you here?Copy !req
69. I'm a plus-one.Copy !req
70. There were no plus-ones.Copy !req
71. Everyone here is someone
I invited personally.Copy !req
72. My parties are curated.Copy !req
73. So, do you know
this one girl with hair like this?Copy !req
74. Ramona Flowers?Copy !req
75. Ramona.Copy !req
76. - She's from New York City.
- The Big Apple.Copy !req
77. She moved here after a bad breakup.Copy !req
78. She's single.Copy !req
79. Got a job delivering DVDs for Netflix.Copy !req
80. DVDs for Netflix.Copy !req
81. - I'm like her only friend in town.
- She needs friends.Copy !req
82. I forbid you from dating her,
Scott Pilgrim!Copy !req
83. Cool. Thanks, Julie. Bye.Copy !req
84. Wallace, quick! What movie should I rent?Copy !req
85. You're banned from No-Account Video.Copy !req
86. You owe, like,
a gajillion dollars in late fees.Copy !req
87. Not the rental place.
I'm using the World Wide Web.Copy !req
88. What should I rent?Copy !req
89. Something starring a hot guy.Copy !req
90. I think I need the name of a hot guy.Copy !req
91. Fine.Copy !req
92. Lucas Lee.Copy !req
93. Best chest in the business.Copy !req
94. Action Doctor,
Let's Hope There's A Heaven,Copy !req
95. Thrilled To Be Here.Copy !req
96. The Game Is Over 2!
It's over a second time! That sounds fun.Copy !req
97. Are you waiting for the DVD?Copy !req
98. It's gonna take a bit.Copy !req
99. How long could it take?Copy !req
100. Sonic guy?Copy !req
101. Yes, that's me.Copy !req
102. Are you "Wallace Wells"?Copy !req
103. No, I'm Scott. Scott Pilgrim.Copy !req
104. Wallace is my cool, gay roommate.Copy !req
105. He lets me use his credit card.Copy !req
106. Oh.Copy !req
107. So like a sugar daddy situation?Copy !req
108. Sugar what?Copy !req
109. Cool. Enjoy your DVD, Mr. Wells.Copy !req
110. - Wait.
- Hmm?Copy !req
111. Are you the person in my dreams?Copy !req
112. I thought we went over this already.Copy !req
113. So, you are? Isn't that weird?Copy !req
114. It's not weird at all.Copy !req
115. There's just a convenient subspace highway
running through your head.Copy !req
116. It's like three miles in 15 seconds.Copy !req
117. I don't know what that is in kilometers.Copy !req
118. Space subways. Totally. I get it.Copy !req
119. Anyway, want to go out sometime?Copy !req
120. You want to go on a date? With me?Copy !req
121. Doesn't have to be a date.
It could be a low-key team-up.Copy !req
122. Canada and America joining forces?Copy !req
123. You're new in town. I'm old in town.
What do you think?Copy !req
124. Why are you just standing there?Copy !req
125. Dude, I'm waiting on you.Copy !req
126. It's getting nice out, eh?
I didn't really need the parka.Copy !req
127. What's with the "X" anyway?Copy !req
128. Oh, this?Copy !req
129. Well, obviously, one of us
went to Professor Xavier's schoolCopy !req
130. for gifted youngsters,
and one of us did not.Copy !req
131. Is that a Sonic thing?Copy !req
132. Is it Sonic?Copy !req
133. No, it isn't.Copy !req
134. So, why'd you move to Toronto?Copy !req
135. Just so you could go to Julie's parties?Copy !req
136. No.Copy !req
137. Well, I got the job
delivering DVDs for Netflix,Copy !req
138. and Gideon always said Toronto
is one of the great cities. So…Copy !req
139. Is Gideon a boyfriend?Copy !req
140. He's a friend.Copy !req
141. So, what do you do?Copy !req
142. I'm between jobs.Copy !req
143. Between what and what?Copy !req
144. Well, my last job is
a really long story filled with sighs.Copy !req
145. Maybe we can get into it
in a later episode.Copy !req
146. We don't have to talk about our pasts.
It's my least favorite subject.Copy !req
147. I should have checked the weather.
Guess you need that parka now.Copy !req
148. It's just a little bit of snow.
Did it snow where you came from?Copy !req
149. I thought we were avoiding the past.Copy !req
150. Where you're from?
That's not the past. That's a location.Copy !req
151. Fine.Copy !req
152. Where are you from?Copy !req
153. Up north.Copy !req
154. Then you're used to
this kind of weather, right?Copy !req
155. Yeah. Are you?Copy !req
156. I grew up in the mountains, man.Copy !req
157. Did you do a lot of skiing?Copy !req
158. No, not really.Copy !req
159. Yeah.Copy !req
160. Bring me Matthew Patel.Copy !req
161. The game has begun.Copy !req
162. Do you ice skate?Copy !req
163. I assumed, considering you rollerblade.Copy !req
164. I did figure skating when I was four.Copy !req
165. Look at that.Copy !req
166. You got me talking about the past again.Copy !req
167. You're quite the trickster, Scott Pilgrim.Copy !req
168. And I wasn't even trying.Copy !req
169. This really picked up.Copy !req
170. Ramona, I can't see you!Copy !req
171. Relax. Take my hand.Copy !req
172. There should be a door around here.Copy !req
173. What?Copy !req
174. This is your apartment.Copy !req
175. So, that star door
was one of your space subways?Copy !req
176. Basically. Yeah.Copy !req
177. Good thing this wasn't a real date.Copy !req
178. Otherwise, it would qualify
as a major disaster.Copy !req
179. I'll make us some tea.Copy !req
180. You look like you're dying.Copy !req
181. Let me get you a blanket.Copy !req
182. Dude, I'm changing.Copy !req
183. Sorry. I'm just cold and innocent.Copy !req
184. There you go.
Now I can't see anything. That's better.Copy !req
185. Does this help?Copy !req
186. I'm cold too.Copy !req
187. - Sparks.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
188. Were you just gonna bring
the blanket from your bed?Copy !req
189. I guess.Copy !req
190. Maybe we could both get under it
while it's on the bedCopy !req
191. since we're both… cold.Copy !req
192. I'm not sure if I'm ready.Copy !req
193. I changed my mind.Copy !req
194. From what to what?Copy !req
195. I don't wanna have sex with you, Pilgrim.
Not right now.Copy !req
196. That's okay. That's cool.Copy !req
197. I'm not gonna send you home
in a snowstorm, or anything.Copy !req
198. You can sleep in my bed.Copy !req
199. And I reserve the right to change
my mind about the sex later.Copy !req
200. Awesome.Copy !req
201. You sent for me?Copy !req
202. I did.Copy !req
203. I just wanted to say thanks
for creating this league.Copy !req
204. It's pretty high-concept.Copy !req
205. I didn't bring you here for flattery.Copy !req
206. Things have taken a turn.Copy !req
207. It seems our dear Ramona has a new suitor.Copy !req
208. It's really happening? Who is he?Copy !req
209. My interns compiled
extensive research on the subject.Copy !req
210. Scott Pilgrim, 23-years-old.
Lives in Toronto, Canada.Copy !req
211. Jobless, hopeless.Copy !req
212. He's in an indie band
of subjective quality.Copy !req
213. How long have they been dating?Copy !req
214. They've been on one date,
but he's currently sleeping in her bed.Copy !req
215. That bastard!Copy !req
216. Indeed.
But this is where it gets interesting.Copy !req
217. Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler.Copy !req
218. What?Copy !req
219. Wait, I'm sorry.
Did you say he's dating a high schooler?Copy !req
220. Dating may be a strong word.Copy !req
221. Our intel says they've never kissed,
but they did hold hands once.Copy !req
222. Does Ramona know?Copy !req
223. He hasn't told her yet.Copy !req
224. Wow! And I thought we were evil.Copy !req
225. What's his fight experience?Copy !req
226. He's been described as, quote,
"The best fighter in the province."Copy !req
227. Unquote.Copy !req
228. This scumbag sounds like a challenge.Copy !req
229. Are you worried?Copy !req
230. No, I'm glad it won't be easy.
I'll relish this victory.Copy !req
231. Ramona's new guy
is gonna wish he was never bornCopy !req
232. because his brutal death is inevitable!Copy !req
233. Because of me.Copy !req
234. Because I'm gonna kill him.Copy !req
235. And then he'll be dead.Copy !req
236. I hope Scott Pilgrim enjoys the final few
days of his precious little life.Copy !req
237. What time is it?Copy !req
238. Not quite 8:00 a.m.Copy !req
239. I have to work, so you have to leave.Copy !req
240. Hey, can this not be a one-night stand?Copy !req
241. For one thing,
I'm not even sure if it would count.Copy !req
242. I'll consider it.Copy !req
243. What did you have in mind?Copy !req
244. Oh! My band has a show tonight.
At the Rockit, 9:00 p.m.Copy !req
245. You have a band?Copy !req
246. Yeah. We're terrible. Please come.Copy !req
247. Yeah, okay. 9:00 p.m.
The Rockit. I'll be there.Copy !req
248. I bet you're wondering
why I never came home last night.Copy !req
249. I did wonder how I got so lucky.Copy !req
250. Well, actually,
I am the one who got lucky,Copy !req
251. because I spent the night
with the girl of, or from, my dreams.Copy !req
252. Ramona Flowers.Copy !req
253. Congrats.Copy !req
254. You need to break up
with your fake high school girlfriend.Copy !req
255. Do I have to?Copy !req
256. I mean, are we really even dating?Copy !req
257. Knives thinks you are,
and Knives is an angel.Copy !req
258. You need to end it immediately.Copy !req
259. Fine, you're right. I'll do it.Copy !req
260. Good.Copy !req
261. By the way, there's a letter for you.Copy !req
262. "Dear Mr. Pilgrim,
my name is Matthew Patel."Copy !req
263. "I challenge you to a…" blah, blah, blah,
something about fighting…Copy !req
264. "League of Evil Exes…"Copy !req
265. More like a League of boring.Copy !req
266. - You coming to our show tonight?
- Unfortunately, yes.Copy !req
267. Hey, Knives.Copy !req
268. Have you met Stacey?Copy !req
269. Wow! I've heard so much about you.Copy !req
270. So, how goes it?Copy !req
271. I am 16 kinds of pumped
to see Sex Bob-omb tonight.Copy !req
272. That's how it goes!Copy !req
273. I feel so excited
I might actually pass out!Copy !req
274. Boy, it sure seems like nobody delivered
crushing news to you today.Copy !req
275. Crushing? Like, a bad kind of crushing?Copy !req
276. Oh, you poor thing!Copy !req
277. You're better than him.
Just know that. Okay?Copy !req
278. Better than who?Copy !req
279. Scott!Copy !req
280. I have to go.Copy !req
281. Huh?Copy !req
282. Why are you stressing, Scott?Copy !req
283. Who's stressing? Stephen's stressing.Copy !req
284. Of course I'm stressing.
The opening band pulled out.Copy !req
285. They flaked!Copy !req
286. Crash and the Boys flaked?Copy !req
287. I heard they were changing it
to just "Crash" and losing the "Boys."Copy !req
288. You can't call a band "Crash."Copy !req
289. Crash is a cult classic car crash sex film
shot right here in Toronto.Copy !req
290. I didn't know you were a cinephile.Copy !req
291. What's a cinephile?Copy !req
292. Crash, Boys.Copy !req
293. Either way, they probably
canceled because they think we suck.Copy !req
294. We probably do.Copy !req
295. That's not funny, Kim.Copy !req
296. If we suck,
then the audience won't like us.Copy !req
297. They'll think we suck.Copy !req
298. - Maybe we should cancel the show.
- Hey.Copy !req
299. There's only one way to find out
if we suck, and that's by playing…Copy !req
300. now.Copy !req
301. So, are you a fan of Sex Bob-omb?Copy !req
302. No, I'm kind of
seeing someone in the band.Copy !req
303. That's crazy! I am too!Copy !req
304. Who are you dating in the band?Copy !req
305. We are Sex Bob-omb!Copy !req
306. One! Two! Three! Four!Copy !req
307. In your orange shirtCopy !req
308. We'll go for yogurtCopy !req
309. Wish I could paint you
Whoa-oh-ohCopy !req
310. I'd never do you justiceCopy !req
311. Oh yeahCopy !req
312. Oh yeahCopy !req
313. I only wanted to be near youCopy !req
314. I only wanted to be close to someoneCopy !req
315. I only wanted to be next to youCopy !req
316. Mr. Pilgrim.Copy !req
317. Reversal!Copy !req
318. Wait, hold on.Copy !req
319. Who are you exactly,
and why are we fighting?Copy !req
320. Aren't you Scott Pilgrim?Copy !req
321. Depends who's asking.Copy !req
322. It is I…Copy !req
323. Matthew Patel,
Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend.Copy !req
324. Cool. And you're here because…?Copy !req
325. Didn't you read my letter?Copy !req
326. Kind of.Copy !req
327. I hand-delivered it during a blizzard.Copy !req
328. Remind me what it said, exactly.Copy !req
329. It said,
“Ramona Flowers has seven evil exes,Copy !req
330. each more powerful than the last."Copy !req
331. "All of whom you must defeat
in order to date her.”Copy !req
332. We're evil exes.Copy !req
333. We dated Ramona.Copy !req
334. - Evil.
- Evil.Copy !req
335. It was a very detailed letter!Copy !req
336. You knew about this?Copy !req
337. Right, yeah, I heard about it.Copy !req
338. I sort of thought it was a joke?Copy !req
339. And you really dated this guy?Copy !req
340. Yeah. In middle school.Copy !req
341. It was football season,
and for some reason,Copy !req
342. all the little jocks wanted me.Copy !req
343. Matthew Patel was the only
non-white, non-jock boy in school,Copy !req
344. maybe the only one for miles around.Copy !req
345. So, we joined forces and took 'em all out.Copy !req
346. Nothing could beat
Matthew's mystical powersCopy !req
347. combined with my brute strength.Copy !req
348. We only kissed once, and we were quits
after something like a week and a half.Copy !req
349. He didn't even get truly evil
until high school,Copy !req
350. and by that time, he lived far, far away.Copy !req
351. Mystical powers?Copy !req
352. Unfair.Copy !req
353. All's fair in love and…Copy !req
354. War? I think it's war.Copy !req
355. Time to fight!Copy !req
356. Matthew Patel versus Scott Pilgrim.Copy !req
357. Round one. Fight.Copy !req
358. KO?Copy !req
359. I won?Copy !req
360. I won!Copy !req