1. Now we've come to the endCopy !req
2. There's no way to pretendCopy !req
3. I can't do this anymoreCopy !req
4. It's over
It's over and doneCopy !req
5. I gave all that I hadCopy !req
6. Through the good times and badCopy !req
7. You don't want to say goodbyeCopy !req
8. But it's over
It's over and doneCopy !req
9. I know that sometimes what we had
It was goodCopy !req
10. Sometimes life plays out just the wayCopy !req
11. That it should for usCopy !req
12. I swear I thought it could for usCopy !req
13. - But I'm done
- I'm doneCopy !req
14. - Holding your hand
- Holding your handCopy !req
15. I pray you'll understandCopy !req
16. You'll understandCopy !req
17. No one wants to face the truthCopy !req
18. - But it's over, it's over
- Over, overCopy !req
19. - It's over, it's over
- Over, overCopy !req
20. AndCopy !req
21. - Done
- We've come to the endCopy !req
22. - Now we've come to the end
- There's...Copy !req
23. - There's no way, no way, no way
- No, no, noCopy !req
24. - I know that we tried
- We triedCopy !req
25. - We swallowed our pride
- Swallowed your prideCopy !req
26. - But deep inside we know
- But deep insideCopy !req
27. That something has diedCopy !req
28. - It's over, it's over, it's over
- Over, over, overCopy !req
29. It's overCopy !req
30. And doneCopy !req
31. Over and doneCopy !req
32. It's over and over and doneCopy !req
33. Over and doneCopy !req
34. It's overCopy !req
35. And doneCopy !req
36. And you just need to sign here,Copy !req
37. and here, and here.Copy !req
38. Not that it makes a difference,
but what is it that I'm signing?Copy !req
39. Your divorce papers, a marriage license,
and a prenuptial agreementCopy !req
40. in case you fail to provide my client
with a suitable male heir.Copy !req
41. - Suitable?
- No femmes or fatties.Copy !req
42. This is insane.Copy !req
43. How are you okay with this?Copy !req
44. Kratt is a murderer.
He's holding Josh hostage.Copy !req
45. Now, you listen to me, young lady—Copy !req
46. And just to be clear,
we're basically the same age.Copy !req
47. When I became a lawyer, I took an oath.Copy !req
48. An oath called attorney-client privilege.Copy !req
49. Which means if someone gives me money,Copy !req
50. whatever they've done
or may do one day doesn't matter.Copy !req
51. Bobby, how's it coming?Copy !req
52. All good, Mr. Kratt.
Everything's signed and legally binding.Copy !req
53. Wonderful.
You know how I feel about the law.Copy !req
54. That it exists to protect you
and only you.Copy !req
55. Exactly.Copy !req
56. Thank you, Bobby. You are free to leave.Copy !req
57. Ten dollars?Copy !req
58. Girl, be corrupt but have some pride.Copy !req
59. Hello, my sweet. How are you?Copy !req
60. - Honestly, not great.
- Wedding day jitters.Copy !req
61. Don't worry. That dress will look
much better when you're standing up.Copy !req
62. Where is Josh? If you hurt him—Copy !req
63. Mr. Skinner will remain unharmedCopy !req
64. as long as you do
everything you've been asked to do.Copy !req
65. Once we're pronounced man and wife,
he will be released, and then...Copy !req
66. No! Don't you dare sing to me, you sicko!Copy !req
67. I shut down a dream ballet!
I will shut down this!Copy !req
68. Stop the music! Stop!Copy !req
69. All I want is someone to love me.Copy !req
70. Yeah, I'm sure you do.Copy !req
71. But unfortunately, that someone isn't me.Copy !req
72. My heart belongs to Josh,
and it always will,Copy !req
73. and there's nothing you can do
to change that.Copy !req
74. The wedding is in one hour.
See you at the altar.Copy !req
75. Frau.Copy !req
76. Please help me. Please.Copy !req
77. You're better than this.
You have to be, right?Copy !req
78. Maybe I was once,
but that was a long time ago.Copy !req
79. I did what I had to do to survive.Copy !req
80. I recommend you do the same.Copy !req
81. Mr. Kratt is the wealthiest man
in Schmicago.Copy !req
82. You will be comfortable, taken care of.Copy !req
83. And in a place like this,
that's not nothing.Copy !req
84. So, you see,
we actually didn't even want to be here.Copy !req
85. We were just trying
to get back to Schmigadoon.Copy !req
86. It's kind of funny
when you think about it.Copy !req
87. - Please let me go.
- Sorry, pal.Copy !req
88. You enjoyed your freedom while you had it.Copy !req
89. Now it's time you pay your dues
like the rest of us.Copy !req
90. - Like the rest of you?
- Guys like you are lucky.Copy !req
91. You and your hippie friends,
you get to live however you likeCopy !req
92. while slobs like me
get stuck doing all the work.Copy !req
93. What's stopping you
from living the life you want?Copy !req
94. Hello. Uncle Octavius.Copy !req
95. There's been a slight change of plans.Copy !req
96. After the wedding,
you need to kill Mr. Skinner.Copy !req
97. But I thought the plan was to release him.Copy !req
98. Plans change.Copy !req
99. You need to kill him.Copy !req
100. It will make it easier
for my new bride to move on.Copy !req
101. Okay. But if I do, will I finally get
my own act at the club like you promised?Copy !req
102. I don't know
if you saw my latest proposal, but—Copy !req
103. Kill him.Copy !req
104. What was that about?Copy !req
105. Wrong number.Copy !req
106. You literally said, "Uncle Octavius."Copy !req
107. So now you're just going to kill me?Copy !req
108. I'm sure you've got things in your job
you don't like.Copy !req
109. Don't do this.Copy !req
110. It's not worth it.Copy !req
111. - Uncle Octavius will make it worth it.
- How do you know?Copy !req
112. Because he's been promising me
for the past 36 years. That's how.Copy !req
113. Have you ever heard of
the Parable of the Faithful Servant?Copy !req
114. The what?Copy !req
115. There once was a faithful servantCopy !req
116. who served a cruel master.Copy !req
117. The master kept asking the servant
to do things for himCopy !req
118. that the servant knew in his heart
were wrong.Copy !req
119. But he did them
because he had been promisedCopy !req
120. that he would inherit all of
his master's riches when he died.Copy !req
121. But when the master finally died,
the servant discoveredCopy !req
122. that he left everything to his new
totally age-inappropriate wife.Copy !req
123. And the servant ended up with nothing
but his own broken dreams.Copy !req
124. The end.Copy !req
125. I see what you're trying to do,
and it's not gonna work.Copy !req
126. Besides, it's too late for me.Copy !req
127. It's never too late
to follow your dreams, man.Copy !req
128. Have you heard the parable of
the guy who helped the other guy,Copy !req
129. and it worked out for both of them?Copy !req
130. Gobble, gobble, gobble.
Fill up those tummies.Copy !req
131. Mr. Blight, what are you—Copy !req
132. I need an orphan! Now!Copy !req
133. Pick me! Pick me!Copy !req
134. - But the plan.
- The plan failed.Copy !req
135. That devil Kratt
has eluded my grasp once again.Copy !req
136. Mercy, what happened?Copy !req
137. What happened? He's alive.Copy !req
138. My Daisy's dead.Copy !req
139. My blade requires blood.Copy !req
140. So, who wants to go first?Copy !req
141. Now, let's not get hasty here.Copy !req
142. - Let's wait until—
- No more waiting!Copy !req
143. You claim to be devoted to me,
Miss Codwell.Copy !req
144. Well, now's the time to prove it.Copy !req
145. God, that was good.Copy !req
146. Come with me.Copy !req
147. Nap time! Everybody needs a nap! Now!Copy !req
148. Do as you're told.Copy !req
149. What do you want?Copy !req
150. - Is everything okay?
- We heard screaming.Copy !req
151. Did that man harm you?Copy !req
152. Are you in danger?Copy !req
153. Why'd you call him daddy?Copy !req
154. No, I'm fine. We're fine.Copy !req
155. Go back to your rooms.
No one's in any danger.Copy !req
156. Actually, that's not true, my sweet.Copy !req
157. Last night, I saw Mr. Skinner
being taken at gunpointCopy !req
158. by that crooked policeman, Rivera.Copy !req
159. And I did nothing. We have to help him.Copy !req
160. How can we help him?
We don't even know where he is.Copy !req
161. I'm sure I can guess.Copy !req
162. The same place Rivera took me
20 years ago for questioning.Copy !req
163. The basement of Kratt's power plant.Copy !req
164. You may get to kill someone yet.Copy !req
165. Well, if providence is kind.Copy !req
166. That was amazing.Copy !req
167. You know...Copy !req
168. It's so nice for once to get to be
the student instead of the teacher.Copy !req
169. Do you think there's even more
for me to learn about lovemaking?Copy !req
170. Yeah, definitely.Copy !req
171. It was great.Copy !req
172. But, you know,
even Picasso kept taking lessons.Copy !req
173. You know, there's always more to learn.Copy !req
174. Great.Copy !req
175. - Go away!
- Come on.Copy !req
176. Well. At least you're still getting naked.Copy !req
177. What do you want?Copy !req
178. Shouldn't you be out
following your new chosen leader, Josh?Copy !req
179. Josh is in trouble.Copy !req
180. Sergeant Rivera took him
to the power plantCopy !req
181. so they can force Melissa to marry Kratt.Copy !req
182. - We obviously don't care about Melissa...
- No.Copy !req
183. but we didn't know what to do,
so we came to you.Copy !req
184. It's true Josh hurt me.Copy !req
185. But sometimes, when your face
has been slapped,Copy !req
186. you need to turn the other cheek
and let that person slap you again.Copy !req
187. - But do you?
- Yeah, that sounds bad.Copy !req
188. Yeah, not the best example, darling.Copy !req
189. But no matter what he did,
Josh is still our chum.Copy !req
190. If he needs our help, then we need to
be there for him no matter what.Copy !req
191. You better gas up the happiness bus.
It's on.Copy !req
192. Yes!Copy !req
193. Let's roll.Copy !req
194. And not only did Sloth set Chunk free
and get revenge on his evil family,Copy !req
195. but he became friends with all the Goonies
and shared in their bounteous fortune.Copy !req
196. - The end.
- Good.Copy !req
197. Which reminds me of the parable of the dog
who was surprisingly good at basketball.Copy !req
198. Start one more parable
and I'll kill you right now.Copy !req
199. No, you won't.Copy !req
200. Let Josh go now.Copy !req
201. Topher?Copy !req
202. Josh. I'm so sorry, man.Copy !req
203. A sour macaroon?Copy !req
204. I don't know what that means.Copy !req
205. No worries. I love you, man.Copy !req
206. - I love you too, man.
- Oh, brother.Copy !req
207. If it isn't our troupe of
strolling fruitcakes come to save the day.Copy !req
208. With what? Love?Copy !req
209. Nice try. I've got this.Copy !req
210. Wait.Copy !req
211. Love is stronger than any gun.Copy !req
212. Are you sure about that?Copy !req
213. I'm not sure about that, no.Copy !req
214. Not so fast!Copy !req
215. That's right, copper.Copy !req
216. - And who the hell are you?
- You don't recognize me, Sergeant Rivera?Copy !req
217. Well, I suppose I can't blame you.Copy !req
218. It has been 20 years
since you sent me to prisonCopy !req
219. for the murder of my wife, Daisy.Copy !req
220. Dooley Blight?Copy !req
221. In the flesh.Copy !req
222. And thirsty for revenge.Copy !req
223. Wait.Copy !req
224. Daisy was my mother's name.Copy !req
225. Hello, my daughter.Copy !req
226. No.Copy !req
227. I have no father.Copy !req
228. Jenny, believe me,
I never harmed your mother.Copy !req
229. I loved her more than life itself.Copy !req
230. I wish I could believe that, but I don't.Copy !req
231. I want nothing to do with you.Copy !req
232. Then I may as well
leave this hell for the next.Copy !req
233. - No!
- Stop!Copy !req
234. He's telling the truth.Copy !req
235. And I know...Copy !req
236. because I'm the one who framed him.Copy !req
237. Kratt killed your mother, not Dooley.Copy !req
238. - My Jenny.
- Daddy.Copy !req
239. All right.Copy !req
240. Who wants to help me stop a wedding?Copy !req
241. I do!Copy !req
242. We are gathered here todayCopy !req
243. to join Octavius and Melissa
in holy matrimony.Copy !req
244. Do you, Octavius, take Melissa
to be your lawful wedded wife?Copy !req
245. I do.Copy !req
246. Do you, Melissa, take Octavius
to be your lawful wedded husband?Copy !req
247. I have no choice.Copy !req
248. That counts!Copy !req
249. Then by the power vested in me
by the city of Schmicago,Copy !req
250. I pronounce you ma—Copy !req
251. - Stop the wedding!
- Josh!Copy !req
252. You. How did you—Copy !req
253. You need to shut your stupid mouth
and get away from my wife.Copy !req
254. Adorable.Copy !req
255. - Seize him.
- What?Copy !req
256. Officers, stand down!Copy !req
257. What do you think you're doing?Copy !req
258. Standing up to you. For once.Copy !req
259. And so am I.Copy !req
260. Enough is enough, Octavius!Copy !req
261. I'm afraid the two of you
have overplayed your hand.Copy !req
262. They don't answer to you.
They answer to me.Copy !req
263. Take him away. Now.Copy !req
264. I love you, Mel!
And I'm so sorry for this whole mess!Copy !req
265. I love you too! No matter what happens,
I'll always love you!Copy !req
266. Enough of this prattle.
Pronounce us man and wife.Copy !req
267. By the power vested in me by the city of
Schmicago, I now pronounce you—Copy !req
268. - Vengeance!
- Dooley Blight?Copy !req
269. - Is mine!
- No, Daddy, no!Copy !req
270. You just keep on losing,
don't you, Blight?Copy !req
271. Not so fast, my sweet.Copy !req
272. Finish the ceremony.Copy !req
273. Mr. Kratt, as your lawyer, I must advise—
Myself to sit back down.Copy !req
274. Finish it!Copy !req
275. Okay, then by the power vested in me
by the city Schmicago,Copy !req
276. - I pronounce you man and—
- Look up!Copy !req
277. Get out the way!Copy !req
278. Oh, shit.Copy !req
279. Seriously? Again?Copy !req
280. It really is a wonderful knife.Copy !req
281. My love.Copy !req
282. - Are you all right?
- Yeah, I am now.Copy !req
283. - I love you.
- I love you.Copy !req
284. Is he dead?Copy !req
285. He is kaputCopy !req
286. Yes, he's kaputCopy !req
287. He ran the town and kept us down
Now the shoe's on the other footCopy !req
288. In mansions he did dwell
But now he's burning in hellCopy !req
289. We're all so glad that he's kaputCopy !req
290. I'll drink to thatCopy !req
291. Now that Kratt is dead, things are
about to change in Schmicago.Copy !req
292. Madam Frau will take over the clubCopy !req
293. and use her position
to promote exciting new talent.Copy !req
294. I'm gonna put on my fishnetsCopy !req
295. And get as wet as the fish gets WhooCopy !req
296. Like ex-Sergeant Rivera.Copy !req
297. Bobby will team up with the tribe
to split up Kratt's monopolies,Copy !req
298. and something incredible will happen.Copy !req
299. They all get jobs!Copy !req
300. While Topher and Jenny will find
the perfect home for their talentsCopy !req
301. at the orphanage.Copy !req
302. Because Miss Codwell and Dooley
will go into business togetherCopy !req
303. and make a killing.Copy !req
304. So, Josh and Melissa now finally have
the happy ending they've been seekingCopy !req
305. and are free to leave Schmicago
and go back to their world.Copy !req
306. But why would they?Copy !req
307. Why return to a place
you were so desperate to leave?Copy !req
308. Where bad people triumph,
good people suffer,Copy !req
309. and some couples,
no matter how badly they want it,Copy !req
310. will never ever have children?Copy !req
311. Sure, you probably feel
like you've learned somethingCopy !req
312. on your brief sojourn here.Copy !req
313. And now life is gonna be so much better.
Right?Copy !req
314. Didn't you feel that way
when you left Schmigadoon?Copy !req
315. That you had gotten your happy ending,Copy !req
316. that everything was gonna be okay
from here on out?Copy !req
317. But it wasn't, was it?Copy !req
318. The magic wore off.Copy !req
319. Magic always does,
except here in Schmicago.Copy !req
320. Stay here in SchmicagoCopy !req
321. Our fantastical farragoCopy !req
322. - Here you could be a star.
- A beloved leader.Copy !req
323. Here all of your dreams
can actually come true.Copy !req
324. Stay here in
Stay here inCopy !req
325. Stay here in SchmicagoCopy !req
326. SchmicagoCopy !req
327. Thanks to you, things are
getting better here for all of us.Copy !req
328. You can't leave now.
Things are just getting good!Copy !req
329. Add 'em up, kiddos. Add 'em up.Copy !req
330. StayCopy !req
331. So, what's it gonna be?
The joyless drudgery of life out there?Copy !req
332. Or the magic and excitement here?Copy !req
333. What are you thinking?Copy !req
334. What are you thinking?Copy !req
335. I think...Copy !req
336. All that he said was trueCopy !req
337. There are no guarantees for me and youCopy !req
338. And magic is great every now and thenCopy !req
339. But I want moreCopy !req
340. More what?Copy !req
341. More uncertainty? More joylessness?Copy !req
342. The world can be cold and darkCopy !req
343. But when we connect, it makes a sparkCopy !req
344. And maybe that spark will go out againCopy !req
345. But I want moreCopy !req
346. The only place you're gonna get
what you really want is here.Copy !req
347. I can tell just what you're feelingCopy !req
348. There are things you can't concealCopy !req
349. Sometimes life can send you reelingCopy !req
350. But what we wantCopy !req
351. All that we wantCopy !req
352. Is something realCopy !req
353. Sorry. We're gonna miss you guys.Copy !req
354. All of you.Copy !req
355. But it's time for us to go.Copy !req
356. Are you sure?Copy !req
357. It's gonna be a constant struggle
with more bad days than good ones.Copy !req
358. And a very good chance you'll end up
right back where you were.Copy !req
359. We know.Copy !req
360. But isn't that the whole point?Copy !req
361. You did it! I knew you would!
I knew you had it in you!Copy !req
362. What?Copy !req
363. I'm so sorry putting you through all this.
I really am, but I had to test you.Copy !req
364. And you passed the test, didn't ya!Copy !req
365. Wait, you're smiling? Why are you smiling?Copy !req
366. - Because he works for me.
- For you?Copy !req
367. Yeah, about that.
I'm not doing this narrator gig no more.Copy !req
368. I'm tired of helping people
figure out their lives.Copy !req
369. I want a life of my own! With romance!Copy !req
370. And it's gonna be with... him.Copy !req
371. I don't hate it.Copy !req
372. And that's the moment
the Narrator's life changed.Copy !req
373. Okay, I'm happy for you.Copy !req
374. Thank you.Copy !req
375. So, can we go home now?Copy !req
376. You can go home, yes, you can go home,
but that's just the beginning!Copy !req
377. What's more important
is what you'll take with you when you go!Copy !req
378. Wait a minute. Isn't that—Copy !req
379. My brother.Copy !req
380. He's a little more traditional than I am,
but I still love the guy.Copy !req
381. - Shall we, Oscar?
- Of course, Steve.Copy !req
382. This world is a big old mess
Of pain and stressCopy !req
383. And people dragging you downCopy !req
384. There's little chance of successCopy !req
385. The bad guy's always winningCopy !req
386. Happy endings don't existCopy !req
387. But here's a pearl you may have missedCopy !req
388. Every day can be a happy beginningCopy !req
389. A happy beginningCopy !req
390. This life's filled with sad goodbyesCopy !req
391. And cloudy skiesCopy !req
392. And days that don't seem to endCopy !req
393. The lows far exceed the highsCopy !req
394. There's not much cause for grinningCopy !req
395. Happy endings don't existCopy !req
396. But here's a pearl you may have missedCopy !req
397. Every day can beCopy !req
398. A happy beginningCopy !req
399. A happy beginningCopy !req
400. And with you I'm okayCopy !req
401. I'm okayCopy !req
402. We're okayCopy !req
403. We'll get through one more dayCopy !req
404. One more dayCopy !req
405. This world is a big old mess
Of pain and stressCopy !req
406. And people dragging you downCopy !req
407. There's little chance of successCopy !req
408. The bad guy's always winningCopy !req
409. Happy endings don't existCopy !req
410. But here's a pearl you may have missedCopy !req
411. Every day can be a happy beginningCopy !req
412. A happy beginningCopy !req
413. A happy beginning
A happy beginningCopy !req
414. This world is a big old mess
Of pain and stressCopy !req
415. And people dragging you downCopy !req
416. There's little chance of successCopy !req
417. The bad guy's always winningCopy !req
418. Happy endings don't existCopy !req
419. But here's a pearl you may have missedCopy !req
420. Every day can be a happy beginningCopy !req
421. A happy beginningCopy !req
422. A happy beginningCopy !req
423. A happy beginningCopy !req
424. Now we've come to the endCopy !req
425. There's no way to pretendCopy !req
426. I can't do this anymoreCopy !req
427. It's over
It's over and doneCopy !req
428. No one wants to face the truthCopy !req
429. - But it's over, it's over, it's over
- Over, over, overCopy !req
430. It's overCopy !req
431. And doneCopy !req
432. Over and doneCopy !req
433. It's over and over and doneCopy !req
434. Over and doneCopy !req
435. It's overCopy !req
436. And doneCopy !req