Schmigadoon! 1x6

Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld

Sarah Hayward as Helen • Darcey Johnson as Innkeeper Harvey • Amitai Marmorstein as Pete the Milkman • Scott Patey as Larry the Fireman • Liam Quiring-Nkindi as Carson

With the election looming, Mildred relentlessly ramps up her campaign. Josh and Melissa face their true feelings for each other.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. All right, let's do this.

2. Wait, don't you think we should look at the instructions?

3. Nope.

4. Is this gonna be like Settlers of Catan?

5. 'Cause no one will play with you anymore.

6. Fine, we will use the instructions. What's the first step?

7. Wait.

8. What does it say?

9. What? How is this in any way helpful?

10. I think that it's not helpful.

11. Did they somehow run out of money while they were doing this? What?

12. All right, screw it. Let's put some poles in some holes.

13. Keep it clean, Gimble.

14. So, let me—

15. Are these the longest? These are the...

16. - This has a— Yeah, there we go. - That one.

17. Now, what do we think this is, a side or a top?

18. This is the inside. - These are just, like, clamps.

19. - Hey. - Just do—

20. Well, this... goes here.

21. As far as we know.

22. And this goes here.

23. I mean, it fits.

24. And that hooks into the end here.

25. I think we're good.

26. Are you concerned that we have so many of these left?

27. Uh...

28. No— No— Yeah, these are just extra pieces. We don't need them.

29. And this goes... here.

30. These go like this.

31. And...

32. It's a tent!

33. If only Marv and Joanna could see us now.

34. Okay, let's...

35. - Oh, it's spacious. It's nice? Oh.

36. - I want you to come in here so bad. - Yeah?

37. - Come in here, my darling, please. - Oh, wow.

38. - Yes. Welcome. - Thank you. Oh, my God, this is nice.

39. Mm-hmm. Cue our security system here.

40. - We've got tons of room. - Oh, yeah.

41. Oh! Oh!

42. I'm sorry I broke the tent.

43. It's okay. It wasn't your fault.

44. No, I know sleeping outside is your worst nightmare.

45. As long as I'm with you.

46. Carson!

47. Carson!

48. Carson?

49. Leave me alone.

50. Hey, buddy.

51. Go away.

52. - Ow! What the hell?

53. I said go away!

54. Ow! Hey! Stop that.

55. Wait, why are you only in your underwear?

56. I'm not gonna wear anything she gave me.

57. Then who gave you the underwear?

58. Look, anyway, Carson, you need to come down from there right now.

59. No. And I never wanna see my sister again.

60. So you're just gonna spend the rest of your life in that tree?

61. If I choose to.

62. Fine, then I'm coming up.

63. Okay, you need to come down.

64. And you need to forgive your sister— your mother.

65. This whole thing is very Chinatown.

66. - What? - It's a movie.

67. - Like Air Bud? - Not like Air Bud.

68. Look, I know you're mad at Emma, but—

69. She lied to me.

70. She was my mom this whole time and she lied to me!

71. Yes, she did. And lying is wrong.

72. But she thought she was doing the right thing.

73. People are complicated, Carson. Even moms make mistakes.

74. But we can't just run away from the people we love because they're not perfect.

75. We have to forgive them.

76. - I can't. - I know it's hard.

77. Relationships are not like playing the kazoo.

78. They take work. But they're worth it.

79. I mean, think about it.

80. You really never, ever wanna see her again? Ever?

81. I think I'm ready to come down now.

82. Okay. Do y—

83. Carson!

84. Oh, I am so sorry, Carson!

85. Why did you lie?

86. Because I was afraid of what people would say.

87. But that shouldn't have mattered, because I am so proud to be your mom.

88. I'll leave you two alone.

89. No. Wait.

90. Thank you for finding Carson tonight

91. and for everything else that you've done for him, and for me.

92. You are a good man.

93. And I wanna be with you and live in a place where I can have a new start.

94. So if you'll have me...

95. I say tomorrow morning we cross that bridge out of Schmigadoon

96. and head to New York together.

97. Let's do it.

98. Melissa.

99. Jorge?

100. Oh, I'm so glad I found you.

101. Blerky told me what she did to you and it's unforgivable.

102. But I'm here to bring you back home

103. because you, and only you, are the one I love.

104. I knew you'd choose me over her.

105. And I'm ready to be challenged and to be molded into the man you want me to be

106. and follow you wherever you wanna go.

107. If you'll have me.

108. Will you?

109. Of course I will.

110. Do you love my son?

111. Mama, you're only here because you know how to drive.

112. Jorge, please. I have something I need to say.

113. A week ago my husband of 50 years died in my arms.

114. When I buried him, it was like burying a part of me.

115. So I think I know something of love.

116. Tell me, do you love my son?

117. You have one heart.

118. Is he the one you want to give it to?

119. Jorge.

120. Melissa, no. We belong together.

121. You want to give it to someone else.

122. Mama, you're ruining this.

123. I think I do. But honestly, I— I don't know.

124. I mean, yes, there are times

125. when it feels like we're the only two people in the world.

126. And— And we laugh, and our eyes meet, and it's like magic.

127. But there are times we seem so disconnected,

128. and I don't even know if he loves me, or if I love him.

129. And it just feels so lonely.

130. Mi'jita, what you have just described is... love.

131. It is not something you can prove is there.

132. It is something you choose to believe in. Every day.

133. You must go to him. Tell him how you feel.

134. Jorge, get in! We are taking Miss Melissa to her love.

135. - Mama— Do it! And stop moping.

136. You are gorgeous. You'll find someone else in no time.

137. - Come on! Hurry!

138. I can't believe we're actually going to New York City!

139. That's right, the greatest city in the world.

140. What's it like there, Dr. Skinner?

141. It's amazing, buddy, you're gonna love it.

142. Tallest skyscrapers you've ever seen, so many people, so many lights,

143. so many... drugstores.

144. Will there be snow?

145. Yes, there'll be snow.

146. Will there be candy?

147. Yep. There'll be candy.

148. Then it sounds like New York will have everything.

149. All right, ready to cross and start our new lives?

150. On three. One, two, three.

151. Is everything okay?

152. Yeah, yeah, fine. I'm just, uh...

153. It's just a big deal... heading back home, I guess.

154. Of course. Take your time.

155. But...

156. New York won't have everything, will it?

157. It's extraordinary, really.

158. One can be convinced they are the smartest person in town

159. and yet still miss the most important detail.

160. I am so sorry, Emma.

161. What's happening?

162. He's getting cold feet. Kiss him!

163. I really care about you.

164. Both of you.

165. You changed me.

166. You made me a better person.

167. I am so sorry.

168. I— I didn't...

169. - I did— I didn't— - I know.

170. Go.

171. Vote for Layton. Mildred. That's Mildred to you.

172. Vote for Layton. Mildred. Vote for Layton. Thank you.

173. Morning, Aloysius. Morning, Florence.

174. Oh, I keep forgetting she's still too embarrassed to appear in public.

175. Anyhoo, good luck today. You're gonna need it.

176. Ladies, can I get a cackle?

177. Well, since, uh, Carson isn't here, I've been asked to yell stuff out.

178. So, hear ye, hear ye,

179. it is now exactly nine on the o'clock, and according to the town charter,

180. time to hold the vote for mayor.

181. The two candidates are Aloysius Menlove...

182. and Mildred Layton.

183. Vote for Layton!

184. Layton for mayor!

185. We will vote according to Schmigadoon tradition, by the show of hands.

186. - All in favor of Mildred— Josh!

187. Where's Josh? Dr. Skinner?

188. Has anyone seen him? I need to talk to him.

189. Do you mind? We are about to begin the mayoral election!

190. Strife and tribulation, people. Strife and tribulation!

191. Wait, what?

192. Did I miss something? Was there a song?

193. - Shall we proceed with the vote, Howard? - Yes, dearest.

194. We shall now vote by the show of hands.

195. - All in favor of Mildred— Melissa!

196. Oh, for the love of Pete!

197. Josh.

198. - I'm sorry. - Mel.

199. No. I am.

200. I'm sorry for acting like everything that wasn't perfect was a failure.

201. For treating you like a burden that I had to carry

202. on my way to some ridiculous fantasy.

203. For pushing you to change

204. without ever considering maybe I needed to change too.

205. And I just want you to know that I'm in it for the long haul.

206. That I choose to believe in us.

207. Whether in Schmigadoon, in New York, wherever.

208. Because I love you, Josh Skinner.

209. And you are, and always have been, enough.

210. - Josh.

211. Aw.

212. No! Boo! No!

213. Why are you cheering for these sinful city folk?

214. Have you forgotten what they've done to this town?

215. No. I haven't forgotten, and I hope I never will.

216. I hope none of us ever will.

217. Because they've made Schmigadoon better. For everyone.

218. I know I should hate her, but I kinda love her.

219. How can you even dare to suggest they've made Schmigadoon better?

220. That's a load of fiddle-faddle!

221. First off, the mayor—

222. The mayor? Let me tell you about the mayor.

223. The mayor is finally being honest about who he really is.

224. And I love him for it.

225. Aw.

226. Thank you, Florence.

227. And I love you for that.

228. Just not, you know, bedroom love.

229. Oh, believe me, I know. I'm not stupid.

230. Maybe it's time we all start following the mayor's example

231. and were more honest about who we really are.

232. For instance, I'm not Carson's sister.

233. - I'm his mother.

234. I knew it! I knew that child was a bastard!

235. You're a bastard!

236. You can call him any nasty name you want.

237. But the circumstances around my son's birth have nothing to do with who he is.

238. I love you, Carson.

239. I love you too, Mom.

240. - What's wrong?

241. I just hadn't realized how much I really wanted to hear you call me that.

242. Aw. Good mom.

243. Oh, give me a break!

244. I suppose you and the mayor expect to be admired

245. for airing your dirty laundry in public.

246. Well, wake up, sister, because the two of you are all alone in this!

247. The rest of us are good, decent people.

248. God-fearing Schmigadoonians who are exactly whom we purport to be!

249. Actually, I hate being an innkeeper.

250. I wanna be an actor.

251. I've been working on a one-man show about my father's death for the last two years.

252. Yes! You go, Harvey!

253. Remember the old mill fire last year? I set that myself.

254. - Yikes. - I like getting injured.

255. I do it for the attention.

256. You be you, Pete.

257. Ow!

258. Actually, I'm a veterinarian.

259. I'm pretty sure I'm a socialist.

260. I'm tired of being a rapscallion.

261. I wanna be better.

262. It's time everyone knew,

263. there's really no way to win the ring toss.

264. Mm.

265. Okay, time to vote. So let's—

266. I got pregnant out of wedlock with a seaman. And yes, I heard it.

267. Nancy! What are you doing?

268. It's time everyone knew, Mother.

269. I'm tired of hiding just because you're ashamed of me.

270. Mother?

271. Yee honk.

272. So I guess you do have secrets, Mildred.

273. Are you going to let him talk to me like that, Howard? Are you?

274. He's only telling the truth, Mildred. And I'm glad it's out.

275. I'm sorry, Nancy. We never should have kept you hidden away like that.

276. And speaking of the truth,

277. it's time I let all of you know...

278. that I am a homosexual too.

279. And I have feelings for Aloysius.

280. You do?

281. Oh, no. No. This can't be happening.

282. - Mildred... - No! I don't want your pity.

283. Because I am stronger than you. I am stronger than all of you!

284. So go ahead, let it all out, be "true" to yourselves.

285. you are toilet people!

286. I hope you all die and go straight to hell

287. because that's exactly where you idiots belong!

288. I hate you!

289. All right. Time for the vote.

290. I'd like to explain exactly what I meant by that.

291. All in favor of Mildred Layton for mayor, raise your hands.

292. Howard... raise your hand.

293. No, Mildred.

294. All right, that's one vote for Mildred Layton.

295. And now, all in favor of Aloysius Menlove for mayor, raise your hands.

296. Looks like it's Mayor Menlove by a landslide.

297. Thank you! Thank you for your support.

298. I am honored to be Schmigadoon's first openly gay anything.

299. What are you doing?

300. I know what it's like to wanna fix everyone around you

301. and think that's the only way to be happy.

302. But it's not.

303. You have to learn to let go.

304. But... I'm a good person.

305. Not really.

306. You're kind of a controlling, judgmental asshole.

307. Yeah.

308. But you don't have to stay that way.

309. That's what's so great about change.

310. There's always the hope we can be something better than we are.

311. It's not too late. I promise.