1. Peyton got it.
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2. Peyton got it?
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3. Ugh. I don't believe it.
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4. Oh, why does everyone care
so much about Peyton?
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5. You should meet with Dean Chang.
Make her give you some answers.
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6. - Seriously, let's schedule an appointment.
- Why? What's she gonna say?
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7. Anyway, I'm fine.
I didn't become a surgeon for fellowships.
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8. I did it because I wanted to help people
without having to talk to them.
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9. Just ask her what happened so
you'll know you did everything you could.
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10. - I mean, Peyton?
Please stop.
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11. - Okay.
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12. Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
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13. It's just a doggy-dog world.
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14. I'm sorry, did you just say
it's a "doggy-dog" world?
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15. No, when a fellowship
that should so clearly go to you,
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16. - goes to someone—
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
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17. Doggy-dog?
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18. Oh, Mel.
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19. You just put me
in a really difficult position
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20. because I need you
to keep saying "doggy-dog,"
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21. but it's my obligation to tell you
that the expression is "dog-eat-dog."
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22. Uh, I don't think so. It's doggy-dog.
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23. You're doubling down?
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24. Dog-eat-dog doesn't make sense.
Dogs don't eat dogs. That never happens.
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25. Then what does "doggy-dog" mean?
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26. It means, like, it's a rough world.
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27. You can be brought down so low,
a dog would have you for a pet.
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28. You'd be doggy to a dog.
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29. Okay, uh, a question comes to mind.
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30. Is English your first language?
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31. - Ugh, okay, babe.
- No, I'm sorry.
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32. Listen, I love you. It's okay to be wrong.
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33. Well, I'm not wrong.
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34. And I was just trying
to make you feel better.
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35. - You did.
- Ugh.
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36. I'm sorry about today.
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37. You were right about doggy-dog.
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38. Makes a lot of sense.
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39. Thank you, sweetie.
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40. - And I'm sorry about the fellowship.
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41. Thank you.
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42. And you, you wouldn't eat another dog,
would you?
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43. No, you wouldn't. You would never.
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44. But you would have your
own dog for a pet, wouldn't you?
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45. Yes, you would.
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46. - Look at that. He agrees with me.
- Mmm.
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47. Melissa, my word, you're disrobing.
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48. No— Oh, no, just my shoes. It's late.
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49. What a breath of fresh air you are.
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50. How do you think of these things?
You're such a free spirit.
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51. That's me.
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52. - Okay, well, here we go.
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53. Piggies, we are giving ourselves
to nature.
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54. Shall we be tender monkeys?
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55. Wow. You're a little different in love.
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56. But you know what?
I'm into it because I'm not controlling.
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57. Well, how about instead
we go over our top threes of the day?
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58. By which I mean
the day's three worst moments.
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59. Seems you have turned
my world on its head.
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60. Jorge, you don't have to do that.
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61. It's just a dumb thing
I used to do with an old boyfriend,
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62. and I shouldn't have mentioned it.
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63. Okay, but my number one is when
Helen Pritt gave me the stink eye
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64. for using the word "constipated."
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65. - Oh, how positively savage. "Constipated."
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66. What was your number one?
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67. Oh, my number one of the day, uh...
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68. well, it was me. I was a horrible doctor.
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69. Oh, no. Although—
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70. Maybe you could prescribe
less radium water, but—
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71. Well, I was distracted all day because
my thoughts were only of you, darling.
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72. How you crack me open
and let the light flood in.
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73. It's crazy, but I feel like
you've done the same for me.
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74. Seems like forever
since I've been this happy.
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75. Oh, I'm so sorry.
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76. - Oh, it's my fault, I'm sure.
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77. Oh, looky everyone.
The countess has returned early.
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78. How wonderful!
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79. Melissa, this is, uh,
the Countess Gabriele Von Blerkom.
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80. - She also invented stainless steel.
- Jorge, please.
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81. I dabble in aluminothermic
reduction processes and I got lucky.
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82. Oh, my gosh.
This is just like Sound of Music.
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83. Let me guess,
you're just back from the city
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84. and you're supposed to marry him, right?
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85. Have we met? 'Cause I'd never forget
such a lovely creature.
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86. What a beautiful couple you two make.
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87. Blerky, Blerky.
You silly, silly, Blerky.
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88. No, no. Do you think
this woman and I were dancing?
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89. No, I was just simply spinning her around
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90. to dislodge the food
that she was, uh, choking—
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91. I'm Melissa, the new nurse.
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92. Although you look much newer, Blerky,
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93. you shine and sparkle so!
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94. Jorge, I'm parched.
Do root out some champagne.
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95. Yes, of course.
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96. He's in love with you.
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97. Uh...
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98. Well, he'd hardly be a man if he weren't.
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99. Oh— Stop it. No. I mean, I guess.
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100. You are a goddess.
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101. You're so smart and stunning.
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102. Compared to you, I'm, uh, a barefoot mess.
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103. Ah! What fun. Oh.
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104. Let's just go find your shoes, shall we?
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105. The truth is, it's crazy,
but Jorge and I are in love.
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106. And I know that must hurt,
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107. but I have this feeling,
a vision let's call it,
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108. that you are going
to graciously step aside.
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109. I can't explain how I know.
Let's call it a sixth sense.
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110. Oh, there are so many things
one could call it.
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111. Aw.
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112. What sweaty little hands you have.
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113. You and I must
get to know each other better.
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114. Oh, I know.
We'll go for a drive. Tomorrow?
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115. I would love that, Blerky.
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116. Oh.
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117. You feel comfortable enough
to call me that.
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118. It's raisin bread.
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119. - Yeah.
- It's coleslaw.
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120. Sarsaparilla soda?
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121. My sister must really like you.
She's never smiled like this before.
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122. Everyone in town thinks she's a sad sack.
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123. Carson.
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124. Why don't you go count the ants
over by that pine tree?
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125. - Absolutely.
Mmm.
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126. Well, whatever everyone in town thinks,
it's better than what I think of them.
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127. Smiling is overrated.
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128. Twenty-six ants!
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129. Keep counting, buddy!
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130. So, how long are you going
to be in Schmigadoon?
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131. You know, I ask because I've had
difficulties navigating the ins and outs
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132. of handyman season before.
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133. Well, to be honest, I don't know.
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134. I really need to get back to New York.
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135. Oh, but you can't. I mean, it isn't safe.
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136. It's filled with gambling and crime
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137. and poor souls who've tried to make it big
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138. but can't go back home
because of foolish pride.
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139. See, but that's what I love
about New York.
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140. There are so many people
in the city from all walks of life.
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141. I don't know, maybe it's just because
you can't keep track of them all,
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142. but— but everyone in New York's
got the chance to reinvent themselves.
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143. My sister kissed Dr. Skinner! My sister!
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144. Carson, you know better than to spy.
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145. That will be sentences when we get home.
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146. Sentences? Then I'm never telling you
how many ants there are.
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147. He thinks everyone's
got to know everyone's business.
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148. It's all right.
Maybe he'll grow up to be a reporter.
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149. I can see that headline.
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150. Schoolmarm Scandal."
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151. No, it's okay. He knows he has a lisp.
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152. I had one too.
We don't pretend that it doesn't exist.
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153. You know what?
You are doing a great job with him.
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154. It can't be easy
being both a sister and a parent.
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155. That's really none of your business.
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156. What? I'm sorry.
I meant that as a compliment.
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157. Well, thank you for that.
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158. Oh, dear. It looks like rain.
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159. - It's clear.
- Well, that's the pattern, isn't it?
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160. No rain. Rain. No rain. Rain.
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161. Oh, it's been so nice seeing you, Josh,
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162. but Carson and I really need
to be on our way.
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163. Wait. Emma, what's wrong?
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164. Carson, it's time to go.
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165. But Dr. Skinner was—
- No, we need to go.
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166. Wha—
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167. Emma.
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168. - Good afternoon, Mrs. Layton.
- Is it?
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169. Uh, pardon?
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170. Oh, sir, I hear you. Yes, I hear you.
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171. And normally I'd agree that, yes,
it is a good afternoon.
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172. But not this afternoon.
Not with the state of our town today.
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173. I can't hear y'all!
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174. I love this town.
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175. Y'all know my great-great-granddaddy
founded Schmigadoon
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176. when he came upon this
beautiful tract of land and said,
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177. "They'll never find us here."
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178. But it pains me. Oh! It pains me
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179. to see our town slipping away
right before our very eyes.
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180. I tried to alert the mayor,
but his mind was elsewhere.
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181. - In his pants!
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182. His poor wife is so ashamed
she locked herself inside her house.
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183. And this time, on purpose.
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184. I'm sorry, Florence!
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185. New leadership.
That's what Schmigadoon needs.
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186. But who?
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187. Who has the moral wherewithal,
the traditional how-to,
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188. the good, old-fashioned,
all-American je ne sais quoi
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189. to stand up to these two outsiders?
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190. - Mildred Layton for mayor!
- I couldn't.
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191. Mildred Layton for mayor!
- I wouldn't.
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192. Mildred Layton for mayor!
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193. - Okay, I'll do it.
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194. Ow!
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195. Sorry, Pete!
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196. I want you to write
"I will not spy" 500 times.
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197. And do not get up until you do.
Do you understand me?
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198. This is outrageous.
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199. Hey, can I have your pencil, sport?
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200. So, what do you think happened
at the picnic?
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201. Why did your sister get so mad?
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202. She's a mystery.
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203. Here, you can write twice as fast.
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204. Let's see.
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205. - Huh?
- We're cheating!
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206. Shh! No,
I'm not teaching you how to cheat.
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207. This is totally fair.
It's the Air Bud rule.
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208. Oh, boy. Um... there's movies here, right?
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209. Moving pictures?
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210. Oh, yes, sir.
I saw one at the nickelodeon.
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211. It was of a man on a bicycle.
It was like he was right there.
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212. Great. So Air Bud is about a dog
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213. who gets to play
on a middle school basketball team,
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214. because there's nothing in the rule book
that specifically says he can't.
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215. So we're not cheating,
we're just exploiting a loophole.
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216. Gee, thanks!
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217. Uh, Carson, I just...
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218. I don't wanna leave you
with the impression
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219. that you shouldn't work hard on stuff.
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220. Or that Air Bud is a good movie.
I mean, it's no Man on Bicycle.
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221. Um...
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222. Then you just remove the carbon
from the molten steel
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223. until it reaches a composition
that can maintain the microstructure.
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224. Wow!
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225. I once had to boil soup in
my stainless steel trash can, long story,
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226. and it saved Thanksgiving, so thank you.
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227. And I just wanna say,
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228. I know it is bonkers for Jorge
to choose me over you.
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229. I mean, you could have anyone.
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230. Alfred Hitchcock would turn down
a custard pie to torture you.
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231. Love is weird.
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232. Oh, it happens all the time, my dear.
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233. Powerful men can never resist the help.
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234. Well, thank you for understanding.
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235. You know, it makes me feel so much better.
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236. It's actually been the story of my life.
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237. Wait. You get a song?
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238. That's surprising.
You're kind of a minor cha—
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239. Wait. My backpack, why—
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240. Should you be driving and singing?
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241. Oh.
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242. - What are you doing?
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243. Get out.
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244. Is that stainless steel?
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245. Oh, don't sweet-talk me.
I want Jorge. I love him.
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246. And I'm tired of being told
how well-mannered I am for stepping aside.
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247. Now get out of the car!
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248. And don't even think about coming back.
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249. You can't do this.
I'm not the bad guy here.
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250. You walked into my engagement
and destroyed my future.
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251. That's called being the bad guy.
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252. Yeah, well, it's never explicitly stated,
but I think you're a Nazi.
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253. Of course I'm a Nazi.
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254. Can I at least have my backpa—
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255. You wanna tell me what's going on?
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256. What is going on
is I have been lying to you.
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257. To everyone. But especially to Carson.
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258. I'm not his sister.
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259. I'm his mother.
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260. Oh, Emma.
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261. Look, it wasn't meant to happen.
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262. I was so young, and my parents evicted me,
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263. and I wound up in a maternity ward
for wayward girls,
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264. although we were anything but.
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265. And when Carson was born,
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266. I told everyone, including him,
that he was my brother.
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267. I just couldn't let Mildred Layton
and her biddy brigade
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268. say what they would say about him
if they knew the truth.
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269. But, of course, now you know.
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270. So I understand if this means
it's over between us, Josh.
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271. It doesn't change
how I feel about you, Emma. At all.
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272. Carson.
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273. I thought I told you to stay in your seat
until you were done.
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274. - You can't possi—
- You lied to me. You're a liar!
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275. No, Carson.
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276. You lost my heart.
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277. I gave you my heart, and you lost it.
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278. Are you sure I didn't give it back to you?
Check your backpack. 'Cause I'm—
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279. Then why do I have your heart?
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280. Maybe I am the bad guy.
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281. Oh, no, is this a dream ballet?
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282. No, no, we're not having a dream ballet.
Okay?
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283. They're annoying and stupid.
They slow everything down.
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284. Nobody likes a dream ballet. Nobody.
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285. I just— I don't have time for one.
I have to get back to Schmiga—
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286. Actually, no, I don't have to get back
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287. because there's nothing for me there.
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288. There's no reason for me
to be anywhere, really,
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289. so might as well be nowhere.
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290. Carson! Carson! Carson!
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291. Well, well, well.
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292. I've walked these woods all my life.
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293. This is the first time
I came across a six-foot snake.
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294. 6'1", actually. And my BMI is 19—
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295. Oh!
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296. That's for stealing my gal.
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297. She isn't even with me anymore,
she's with Doc Lopez.
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