1. Why'd you cut my toe off?
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2. I'm glad you asked.
That's a very smart question.
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3. Just testing out how quickly you're
gonna burn.
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4. We don't want it to be too fast.
We also don't want it to be too slow.
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5. But you see that?
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6. Turns out you're gonna burn just right.
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7. Aah! Please, you don't have to do this.
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8. Come on, man. You hear how excited
everyone is down there?
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9. That's 'cause of you.
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10. It's Burning Man!
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11. We're gonna burn a man.
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12. We can't disappoint them.
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13. I really gotta hand it to you guys,
building an entire music festival
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14. around this bozo's death,
it's very inspiring stuff.
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15. Plus, it's a great way
to showcase new talent
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16. and, more importantly, my vocal range.
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17. Oh, wow. You're gonna sing?
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18. You know, I don't know if you know this,
but I can carry a tune myself.
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19. - Okay. Thanks, toots, we'll be in touch.
- Frank, did you hear that?
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20. He's gonna... he's gonna be in touch.
I might be in the big show.
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21. Now, Barry, make sure
you don't light this putz up
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22. - before my emotional crescendo.
- Copy that.
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23. - And how will I know when you hit it?
- When your little beef nub busts au jus
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24. all over your
fancy little shoes, that's when.
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25. I look forward to that.
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26. Okay, I think I've heard enough, A Dill...
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27. because you are going to Burning Man.
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28. Oh, my goodness!
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29. Thank you! Thank you!
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30. Okay, great.
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31. Next up, Megan Thee Scallion.
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32. How many more auditions we need
to get through?
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33. Okay, let's see here,
we have, uh, Pruno Mars, Celine Dijon,
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34. Machine Gun Jelly, Boy Porridge, Corn,
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35. and Pita Ora.
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36. Okay, look, here's the thing, Katy.
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37. I can't be around any pitas or lavash—
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38. No flatbreads of any kind, okay?
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39. This show is about celebration and escape.
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40. I... We don't want to feature imagery
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41. that reminds anyone of the only food
to ever feel like home to me.
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42. So sorry, hon. You're dismissed.
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43. Okay, that's better.
So, wow, she's still going, huh?
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44. I could watch this all day.
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45. Oh, my God!
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46. What the hell is that?
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47. Ah! Go away!
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48. How does it stay in the air so long?
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49. Aah!
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50. Oh, no, no.
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51. - Ah!
- Oh!
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52. You tellin' me there's things other than
humeys that eat us? This is fucked.
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53. I know. This is gonna ruin
Sammy Bagel Junior Presents Burning Man.
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54. Mark my words, that man will burn.
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55. - Yes, Barry, yes!
- Kill it, Barry, kill it!
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56. But also, be careful.
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57. Where's the entry point?
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58. How am I supposed to control this thing?
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59. Hot... dog.
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60. Barry, no!
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61. Clever girl.
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62. He's okay. That was so gross,
but-but he's okay.
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63. How are we gonna stop this thang?
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64. Ah! No. Oh, no.
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65. Those are the first winks of sleep
I've had since the apocalypse.
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66. Well, wakey-wakey, asshole,
we got a new problem for you to solve.
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67. Either you tell us what that thing
picking us off one by one is,
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68. or I start picking off
those eyebrow hairs one by one.
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69. No, no, no, no, please.
They'll grow back so weird.
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70. Then start talkin'.
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71. Okay, I know what that is.
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72. But, uh, before I tell you,
I'm so thirsty. Can I have some water?
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73. Oh. Oh, no, no. Is water alive?
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74. I've seen water bottles walking around,
but, okay, what about normal tap water?
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75. Uh, like, does life begin
when it enters the bottle?
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76. And what part's alive?
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77. The bottle or the water inside it?
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78. I'm sorry. I don't get your rules.
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79. This is so frustrating for me.
You must understand.
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80. Our rules are simple, ya fuckin' moron.
You're embarrassing yourself.
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81. You want to quench your thirst?
You quench our problem first.
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82. All right!
We know how to stop this thing.
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83. But we need everybody's help.
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84. Hey, remember me?
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85. You shit directly in my face.
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86. Come to Barry, you squawky fuck.
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87. Now!
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88. Woo-hoo-hoo!
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89. Yeah!
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90. Hey, up top. That was a great idea.
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91. It wasn't our idea. It was his.
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92. - Oh, that was Turkey's baby?
- No, damn it! Move, Turkey.
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93. It was his.
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94. Help! Help!
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95. You got more advice from the humey?
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96. Oh, my God. And you made me
unwittingly compliment it.
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97. Ooh, Burning Man is back on, baby.
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98. Uh... yeah, about that.
Is it really the smartest decision
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99. to burn this guy alive
now that he saved us... twice?
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100. Let me make sure I'm hearing you straight.
Are you suggesting we shouldn't burn him?
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101. Like, at all?
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102. I think Frank is saying maybe
we should just delay burning him, right?
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103. Yeah. Yeah, just a little.
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104. Just delay it until we have
a better handle on things.
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105. Exactly. Who knows when the next random
thing will pop up that we can't solve.
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106. I could've solved
that flapping sky monster thing.
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107. - It just shit in my face.
- It's called a bird.
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108. I'm not calling it that.
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109. Look, Gum died.
We needed some info in a pinch.
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110. I was fine with that,
but it's a slippery slope.
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111. Soon you're gonna wanna use this humey
for every little problem that crops up.
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112. Not for every problem,
just the random, inexplicable ones.
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113. We don't need him.
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114. At the first sign of trouble
you wanna run back to our oppressors?
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115. Did we not topple their whole society
in a comically short period of time?
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116. - We did.
- And did we or did we not tear down
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117. all stigmas around
both fucking and sucking?
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118. Yeah, yeah. We did that too.
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119. Then have some
goddamn pride in your species.
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120. Have some faith in yourselves.
This is our time, not theirs.
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121. He burns tonight.
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122. Welcome to the show.
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123. You know, my name,
of course, is Sammy Bagel.
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124. It's my pleasure to introduce
the first food group of the evening.
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125. Put your tiny hands together
for the Talking Breads.
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126. Having trouble seeing the show?
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127. You're in luck.
Pretty great view from up here.
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128. And all I ask is that you give me
a little something-something in return.
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129. Oh, I get it.
You want me to eat that big orange ass?
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130. - My what?
- Your asshole.
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131. The gaper you got hangin'
off your bedunk there.
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132. Ah! So it is.
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133. A tempting offer, but...
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134. I'm actually more interested
in that sweet ol' mouth pearl you got.
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135. How do they know how to play music?
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136. None of this makes sense.
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137. All right, we're all set.
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138. The fire's going to travel up
this here string to the top of the hill,
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139. set the curtains on fire,
revealing the humey...
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140. Who, as it turns out,
will also be on fire.
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141. It's genius.
Woo-hoo!
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142. Well, there is no getting through to that.
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143. Okay, I do not feel great about letting
our only source of information die.
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144. What if he doesn't?
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145. Okay, you already have my heart,
but now you have my attention.
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146. You and me,
we know what's best for Foodtopia,
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147. and killin' this guy, that ain't it.
We need to put a stop to this.
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148. Wait, are you really suggesting
we blatantly go against Barry's wishes?
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149. I mean... ?
So, what about our wishes?
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150. - Our wishes don't count?
- Yeah.
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151. - Don't you want your wishes to count?
- Yeah.
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152. - Then, you know what, here's what I say.
- Yeah?
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153. We're... There's two of us.
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154. So how come his wish
overrides our two wishes?
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155. Yeah. Wait, he has Sammy. That evens out.
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156. No, what that does, is it makes it a wash.
It makes it a wish wash.
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157. Okay, well, who does a tie go to
in the event of a wish wash?
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158. I think we both know it goes to us
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159. because we are the ones looking out
for the betterment of Foodtopia, okay?
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160. This'll be all right.
Barry will come around,
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161. and he'll see we're doing the right thing.
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162. But ideally, honestly,
he will never fucking find out about this.
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163. Right? Okay, I'm with you. But, yeah, it's
gonna be really bad when he finds out.
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164. - Yes, but he won't find out.
- No, he won't.
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165. - But I'm with you.
- But he won't find out.
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166. Oh, I think it would
be very bad if he did.
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167. How the hell are we
gonna pull this off?
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168. We can't just untie him.
Everyone will see the humey's missing.
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169. Frank, remember back at Shopwell's when a...
when a food got chosen off a shelf,
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170. someone would come by and immediately
replace them with the exact same food?
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171. Yes, I obviously remember that.
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172. And that is a lovely walk
down memory lane,
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173. but I really think we need to focus
on how the fuck we're gonna...
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174. Oh!
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175. Thank you. Thank you so much.
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176. Olive-ia Rodrigo, everybody.
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177. Oof, I would not want to be
the tater that wronged that olive.
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178. Shit, shit, shit.
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179. We need to hurry. How are we supposed
to move this thing?
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180. Maybe we could pilot one
through the cockpit like Barry did?
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181. - How? They're all dead.
- I don't know.
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182. Oh, maybe one of them has
a little juice left in it.
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183. - You know, we don't need it to go far.
- Worth a shot.
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184. Nothing. A dud.
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185. All right, all right, all right.
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186. Now's the moment
you've all been waiting for.
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187. My show-stopping performance
coupled with...
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188. the ceremonial lightning of the humey!
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189. - Oh, shit.
- Shit, Sammy's grand finale.
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190. We gotta hurry.
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191. Old hunk o' junk.
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192. Wait, did you hear that?
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193. I think we got a live one.
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194. Yes!
I'm going in.
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195. I'm going...
I'm doing it! I'm in there.
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196. Is he going?
- No, no.
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197. No, nothing yet, but keep going, honey,
you've got this.
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198. Move your hands around.
Just start grabbin' things.
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199. That's it, Frank. Come on!
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200. Yes! Now get up in there
and make me proud.
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201. Yes!
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202. Shit!
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203. It's moving!
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204. I think I'm doing it!
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205. Shit, we don't have enough time.
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206. Then I'll buy us some.
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207. Brenda, you are good.
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208. You are goddamn good.
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209. Psst! The flame's out.
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210. I gotta relight it.
Can you improv a couple more verses?
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211. Hey, does a beet leave your junk red
after you fuck it?
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212. Our Father who art in heaven,
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213. Hallowed be thy...
Wait, is it "hallow" or "hallowed"?
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214. Oh, fuck. Uh... uh, okay.
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215. Hail Mary, son of... a bitch!
Okay. What-what are the words?
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216. I can't remember any prayers!
I'm going to die a sinner!
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217. Not today.
- Huh?
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218. Oh, no, the bath salts
are melting my brain.
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219. Oh, it's you.
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220. - Did you bring me water?
- What? No.
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221. Brenda, I'm almost in place.
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222. Oh, we gotta do this now!
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223. Huh?
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224. Prop him up.
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225. Who is that guy?
Can I have his shirt?
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226. Right ball!
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227. Whoa!
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228. Left ball.
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229. Whoa!
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230. Wow!
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231. Frank, curtain's up!
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232. Hot, hot! Hot fire, hot fire!
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233. No! Little hot dog!
You don't have to go in my...
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234. This is great! Frank, Brenda, get up here.
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235. Frank? Brenda?
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236. Aah!
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237. Will you watch it?
Wow, this guy's a klutz!
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238. I'm not in control of this.
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239. Oh, oh.
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240. Barry made this look a lot easier
than it is. He's like an ass savant.
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241. I can't thank you enough
for saving me back there.
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242. They say fire's
one of the worst ways to go.
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243. We did it.
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244. Yeah!
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245. We did the right thing, right?
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246. Yeah, definitely. Right?
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247. Oh, absolutely.
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248. I mean, you two should feel really good
about yourselves right now.
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249. Look, I feel a bit awkward
saying this to food,
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250. but I haven't eaten in a long time.
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251. I'm not gonna be much help to you
if I starve to death.
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252. So, uh, those talking breads
sounded pretty tasty.
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253. So did the macaroni.
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254. I'm not picky.
I'd eat any of those musical acts.
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255. I don't want to be greedy.
I'm not asking for the headliner.
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256. I know the bagel's your friend.
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257. An opening act, a roadie. Anything.
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258. You two can make the call.
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259. So, what do you say, huh?
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