1. Greetings.
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2. I am sorbitol, maltitol,
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3. xylitol, mannitol, calcium carbonate,
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4. soy lecithin, vegetable,
triglyceride and talc.
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5. But for expediency's sake,
you can call me... Gum.
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6. Life. It began with a big bang.
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7. Countless galaxies
inflating into existence.
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8. Approximately 13.8 billion years later,
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9. two prime species emerged:
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10. Homo Sapien and Cibus Erectus,
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11. otherwise known as humans and food.
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12. The former devouring the latter
for sustenance.
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13. Food lived in ignorance
of this edible arrangement,
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14. until one intrepid sausage
learned of this inconvenient truth.
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15. Armed with this new knowledge,
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16. his true love,
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17. his best friends,
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18. and most importantly, bath salts,
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19. a powerful narcotic
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20. that breaks down the interdimensional wall
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21. between the two species,
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22. food fought back.
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23. Pea shooters, now!
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24. Food is alive.
I repeat, food is alive.
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25. Stay home. Lock your fridges.
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26. Arm yourselves with bottle openers,
corkscrews, whatever...
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27. Breads, form a path
of yeast resistance!
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28. Scotch, on the rocks!
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29. Commence Operation Dessert Storm!
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30. - Where's Sammy?
- Oh, he's with Lavash's corpse.
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31. Oh, still?
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32. I'll never let you go.
I'll never let you go, my love.
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33. He's just been
carrying him around this whole time.
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34. That is, uh... that's sorta sweet.
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35. Not really.
The corpse is starting to stink.
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36. - Barry, report! How many humeys are left?
- Just one.
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37. - Yes!
- Don't cream your filling just yet, Twink.
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38. Look at all the food stains all over him.
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39. How much more could he possibly eat?
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40. Hey! No worries, guys.
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41. I know exactly how to defeat this humey.
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42. Whoa!
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43. He's taken out a whole case
just like that.
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44. Send in the last-a the pasta.
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45. Get al dente! Yah!
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46. Where the hell did he get that?
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47. - See what I mean?
- Do we have any sake bombs left?
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48. - Negative.
- Jägers?
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49. We can't lose
any more foods to this monster.
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50. This whole thing started with us.
This whole thing's gonna end with us.
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51. Sammy! This is the last stand!
On your feet!
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52. Roger that! Let's go, Lavash.
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53. Uh, yeah, maybe he could
sit this one out.
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54. He's looking tired and dead.
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55. Oh, no, no...
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56. I don't know if we're gonna make it out
of this one. So I wanna tell you...
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57. You stop it right there,
Frank Frankfurter.
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58. We will make it, because we have something
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59. that foul, wretched humey
over there doesn't.
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60. What?
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61. Each other.
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62. That's him.
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63. That's the son of a bitch
that killed my Lavash.
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64. Hey, you! You remember him?
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65. You remember killing him,
you son of a bitch?
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66. Not really, no.
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67. Now!
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68. Why are these things so wet?
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69. You're twisting my fucking titties off!
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70. Welcome to Foodtopia!
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71. I think I speak for everyone here
when I say, "Fuck humeys!"
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72. - Yeah, fuck 'em!
- Fuck 'em!
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73. They've dictated our lives for too long,
trapping us in their "supermarkets."
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74. Separating us by aisles and shelves.
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75. Chewing us up in their mouths.
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76. Yeah, and then squeezing us
out of their stinky butts.
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77. No more! We are free!
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78. We are equal!
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79. - From the plumpest Butterball turkey...
- Yay!
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80. to the tiniest, cutest
little grain of rice.
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81. - Look at these guys!
- I love you, Frank.
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82. - One food!
- One love!
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83. And now, Barry!
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84. Well, the war is over.
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85. I know a lot of you are concerned
about what comes next.
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86. That you'll never feel
that level of adrenaline,
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87. that level of excitement
or purpose ever again,
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88. and that everything will pale
in comparison to the thrill of war.
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89. And?
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90. That's it. Those were
all the statements I prepared.
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91. All right. Okay, uh...
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92. How about an update from Gum?
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93. The revolution is spreading.
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94. Using Fibonacci's Theorem and Moore's Law,
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95. I have calculated our rate of expansion
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96. and can officially announce
that food is now
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97. the dominant species on planet Earth.
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98. Smartest food alive!
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99. As long as this brainy little dude
is on our side, we can't lose.
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100. But speaking of losses,
thanks for the great transition, Frank,
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101. we wouldn't have gotten here without some
brave foods that laid down their lives.
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102. Let's all bow our heads, if you got 'em,
for a moment of silence,
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103. Lavash!
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104. Okay, that's long enough.
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105. That was... that was a moment.
We were silent.
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106. Let's not dwell.
It's not the Shoah, you know?
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107. Moving on to something
more uplifting, please.
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108. Uh, okay, sure. Um...
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109. This is, as you all so sorely know,
a human tooth.
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110. Once a symbol of oppression
used to devour us.
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111. And now they are a symbol
of triumph over our former oppressors.
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112. - So, raise a tooth up high! Whoo!
- Yeah!
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113. Raise 'em if you got 'em!
If you don't, just stand there.
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114. Hey! Whoo!
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115. I can't get enough of these things.
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
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116. This is what life is gonna
be like from now on.
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117. Just all of us doing whatever we want
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118. and living in perfect harmony.
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119. Wrong hole.
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120. Wrong hole.
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121. Oh, there it is.
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122. Ooh!
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123. Thank you.
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124. Next!
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125. Okay, look, if I'm being honest,
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126. I was a little worried
I jinxed it back then at the kickoff,
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127. when I said our lives
would be perfect forever.
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128. But it's looking like they're going to be!
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129. Oh, Frank, for the first time, there's
no major existential threat facing us,
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130. and we can fully concentrate
on each other.
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131. I can't even think of a sweeter way
to start this new chapter of our lives.
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132. We started a revolution
and made this happen.
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133. - We birthed this.
- I know.
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134. It's like they're our children, and now
all our children are fucking each other.
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135. Not all of 'em
are fucking each other.
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136. Hey, Barry. You okay?
You barely fucked your dinner.
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137. Nah, I think I'll just watch for a bit.
You guys go ahead, though.
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138. I can watch you too.
Frank, I know you... you enjoy that.
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139. Come on, everyone's gettin' into it.
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140. Look, check out Oil and Water
over there mixin' it up.
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141. Never thought I'd see that.
Look at 'em.
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142. - They're like chocolate and peanut butter.
- Those peppers are gettin' stuffed.
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143. Not as stuffed as Sammy.
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144. Oy! Fuck me senseless.
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145. Literally, fuck me until I can't
think or feel anymore.
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146. Oh, no, no. I'm having a feeling
other than getting railed.
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147. Someone new jump in, please.
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148. Yeah. Yeah, he does look pretty happy.
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149. Really turned his life around
incredibly fast.
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150. Good for him.
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151. Hey, we know you're having a hard time
coming down from the rush of battle,
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152. but give it time. You'll adjust.
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153. We'll help you every step of the way.
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154. That's what friends are for.
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155. Maybe you're right.
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156. It is good to be around friends.
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157. You can say that again.
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158. - It is good to be around friends.
- There ya go.
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159. Just a gentle, gentle peck.
Keep going. Kiss each other again.
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160. You can open your mouth.
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161. Mm-kay, this time, on the bodies.
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162. Yeah, come on. Show each other
how much your friendship means.
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163. There's no place
that's off-limits when we're friends.
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164. You know,
tearing down our entire belief system
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165. and starting a new society from scratch
is making me, if I'm being honest,
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166. - so fucking horny right now.
- Hmm?
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167. Oh, God, baby, tell me I'm organic.
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168. You're organic.
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169. That's lovely.
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170. Oh, what is it?
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171. I'm melting!
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172. Me too. This is so hot.
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173. Mm. Yeah.
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174. Oh, fuck me!
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175. Listen to that. Everyone's getting off
just as hard as we are.
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176. That's what I like to hear.
I can't feel my face!
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177. I'll have what she's having.
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178. My brother's dead!
- What?
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179. Okay, I'm into kink,
but what fetish is that?
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180. Stop fucking already!
Everyone's dying everywhere!
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181. There's a hole in my father's head!
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182. What is happening?
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183. That's not good.
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184. The ceiling is leaking!
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185. Ah!
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186. No, no, no. No, no, no.
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187. Are you okay?
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188. Yep. Still dry.
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189. Over there!
The awning! Get to the awning!
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190. But in an organized way!
Oh, no, I think we started a stampede.
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191. - Go, go, go, go. Go!
- Everyone, find cover!
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192. This way, everyone. Follow me.
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193. Aah!
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194. Sammy!
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195. Sammy!
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196. Not like this!
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197. Gotcha, little guy.
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198. - Thank you.
- No problem.
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199. Keep running. We're almost there.
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200. What is that sound?
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201. Oh, no! Oh, fuck, run!
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202. Oh! You okay? You good?
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203. Susan! Anne! Condoleezza!
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204. Condoleezza!
Abandon cob!
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205. Somebody help me! I'm stuck!
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206. Oh! Thank you! Thank you, thank you!
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207. No. Thank you, sticky rice.
I love these things.
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208. You orange bastard!
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209. Ah!
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210. Hey, look, it's... Ahh!
Oh, no, Darryl!
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211. Oh, God, his face!
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212. Oh, God, he's jam!
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213. Help!
Oh, God.
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214. This is so dangerous. Chips, ahoy!
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215. Barry, what are you doing?
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216. - We're doin' it, Chips. We're doin' it.
- We are?
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217. Ooh, I'm falling into hell, y'all!
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218. - Oh, no. This is it!
- Oh!
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219. Oh, no.
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220. With great elasticity
comes great responsibility.
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221. It's Gum!
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222. Run, you fools.
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223. Oh, no!
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224. Ouch!
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225. No! No!
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226. Frank!
- I got you!
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227. Oh.
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228. You stretched yourself too thin.
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229. No, I stretched myself
just thin enough
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230. to save my fellow food.
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231. You're gonna be okay.
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232. You're gonna pull through.
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233. Are we lookin' at
the same piece of gum here?
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234. Brenda is correct.
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235. My life cycle has reached
its unnatural conclusion.
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236. What are we gonna do without you?
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237. You're the only reason
we made it this far.
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238. We-we don't know how shit works.
We-we don't know anything.
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239. The most important thing in life...
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240. is not knowledge, Frank.
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241. The most important...
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242. th-th-th-th-thing in life...
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243. is...
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244. Is-is what?
What's the most important thing?
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245. Gum? Gum!
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246. - Gum...
- Frank.
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247. He's gone. See?
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248. What? No, came back out.
Get back in there.
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249. All right, gonna have to force it.
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250. See? Gross.
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251. Oh, no. No!
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252. How did this happen so fast?
We were all just celebrating.
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253. Oh, God, Tonic!
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254. I've lost you.
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255. Oh, at least I still have... No!
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256. Dead lovers everywhere!
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257. Where's the beef? Where's the beef?
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258. Hey, hey, hey! Calm down.
It's okay. We'll find your beef.
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259. - What's his name?
- Wellington.
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260. Wellington!
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261. Some steaks are missing,
so my stakes are back!
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262. I haven't felt this alive
since the humeys were, well... alive.
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263. There's foods that need help.
I'm gonna head up a search and rescue.
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264. You guys comin'? Guys?
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265. Okay. I see you two are still processing.
I'm gonna circle back.
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266. - Should we all just kill ourselves?
- Will it happen again?
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267. - What do we do?
- Okay, okay.
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268. If everyone would just calm down,
we're gonna answer everything.
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269. - Go ahead, Frank.
- What? Uh, oh, okay.
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270. Uh, first off, uh, yes,
we respect you have a lot of inquiries,
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271. and we are... we are
looking into all of them.
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272. And, uh, we will circle on back
with all the answers you want.
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273. Circle back? They don't know anything.
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274. They're vamping. It's just bad improv.
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275. We don't know what happened,
but what we do know is this:
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276. - Nobody panic.
- Did somebody say panic?
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277. - I'm freaking out.
- You know what, fuck this.
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278. I'm going back to Shopwell's.
It was safe there.
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279. Who's with me?
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280. - Guys, please don't do this!
- You're going backwards.
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281. - What about Foodtopia?
- There is no Foodtopia.
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282. Sammy, don't say that.
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283. Really? Does this look
like paradise to you?
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284. You know, look around you.
We got blind melons and smashed pumpkins.
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285. You gonna tell me
the revolution was worth it?
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286. No way. No way, pal.
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287. Now, if you'll excuse me,
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288. I'm going back to the bagel bin
from whence I came.
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289. The store is literally crumbling.
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290. So what?
Still better than it is out there.
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291. Give it up, sausage boy.
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292. Until you can explain why water is leaking
from the freakin' ceiling out there,
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293. I'm sittin' dry...
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294. - This is so fucked.
- I know.
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295. And it's all on us to fix it.
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296. That's what makes it
even more fucked.
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297. I really wish Gum was around.
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298. Hey, Frank. What do you think Gum was
gonna say, you know, before he died?
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299. What's more important than knowledge?
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300. Maybe he was going to say
"keeping it real"?
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301. I mean, keeping it real is very important,
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302. but I just don't know
if that sounds like Gum.
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303. How about...
keeping it real?
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304. I mean, that sounds exactly like Gum,
but it still doesn't sound very Gum-like.
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305. Goddamn irony.
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306. If we had more knowledge,
we could answer this stupid riddle.
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307. If we had just kept
one of these dickheads alive,
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308. maybe we could beat some answers
out of it, you know?
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309. Frank, can you believe
things are so fucked
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310. we're actually wishing we had a humey?
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311. I found another one.
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312. Hey, that's my shoe.
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313. You got bigger problems
right now, baby.
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314. I'm dying. I'm dying.
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315. Oh, God, you've already
lost a lot of jelly.
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316. Let's see what we're dealing with.
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317. What the fuck? Don't try to talk.
Don't try to talk, just take it easy.
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318. Conserve your energy.
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319. Just keep the pressure on the wound, okay?
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320. What the hell?
Where the hell is everybody?
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321. A humey...
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