1. On Wednesday, President Trump gave a
speech in the Rose Garden announcing hisCopy !req
2. economic vision for
America, including tariffsCopy !req
3. against almost every
country we do business with.Copy !req
4. And like everything else so far in his
presidency, it was a total home run.Copy !req
5. We go now to an encore presentation of
Trump's historically awesome speech.Copy !req
6. Thank you all for coming out to hear about
tariffs.Copy !req
7. My favorite word, tariff, which of course
is short for a tariffic idea.Copy !req
8. They're the backbone of my incredible plan
for our economy.Copy !req
9. It's actually even better than a plan
because it's a series of random numbers.Copy !req
10. Like the numbers on the computer screen in
Severance.Copy !req
11. You have no idea what the hell they mean,
but I know what the numbers mean, okay?Copy !req
12. They mean we're gonna make America wealthy
again.Copy !req
13. Mahwah!Copy !req
14. Mahwah, boring.Copy !req
15. You know, you're gonna
check your stock portfolioCopy !req
16. in a couple days and
think, I'm almost too wealthy.Copy !req
17. We're doing Mahwah!Copy !req
18. But before that, we're gonna do Magda.Copy !req
19. Magda.Copy !req
20. Make America Great Depression again.Copy !req
21. You know what?Copy !req
22. It'll be great.Copy !req
23. It'll be better than great.Copy !req
24. It'll be a fantastic, unbelievable
depression.Copy !req
25. The likes of which you've never seen
before.Copy !req
26. We like to say the likes of which we've
never seen before.Copy !req
27. You know, this depression is gonna be so
great.Copy !req
28. We'll be the ones eating the cats and the
dogs.Copy !req
29. That's gonna be fun.Copy !req
30. Low and slow.Copy !req
31. You gotta braze it.Copy !req
32. You know, yes, the
stock market has crashedCopy !req
33. temporarily, but that
is all part of the plan.Copy !req
34. It's simple economics, okay?Copy !req
35. If the stock market goes down and down and
down and down and down, that means there'sCopy !req
36. nowhere to go but up or perhaps further
down.Copy !req
37. But we gotta do these terrible folks.Copy !req
38. We have to.Copy !req
39. No idea why, but we have to do it.Copy !req
40. And now it's time for the really big piece
of cardboard.Copy !req
41. Howard, you wanna bring that up,
please?Copy !req
42. This is Howard, my Commerce Secretary.Copy !req
43. Howard Luck, everybody.Copy !req
44. Look at him.Copy !req
45. Let me get that giant cardboard.Copy !req
46. I love this.Copy !req
47. Here we go.Copy !req
48. This is Cheesecake Factory menu,
Howard.Copy !req
49. This is for the luncheon after,
okay?Copy !req
50. I'm getting Bang Bang Tacos.Copy !req
51. Give me this.Copy !req
52. Thank you.Copy !req
53. Thanks, Howard.Copy !req
54. You're doing an amazing job figuring out
the scary tariffs.Copy !req
55. You wanna stay up here and be the face of
tariffs with me?Copy !req
56. Come on.Copy !req
57. Uh, no, I'm good.Copy !req
58. He's modest, that's why.Copy !req
59. He's a modest guy.Copy !req
60. Here it is.Copy !req
61. Look at it.Copy !req
62. It's beautiful.Copy !req
63. We spent so much
time and, frankly, millionsCopy !req
64. of dollars on this
piece of cardboard.Copy !req
65. And we listed the countries
in an order that's neitherCopy !req
66. alphabetical nor numerical
for maximum confusion.Copy !req
67. And the tariffs will be reciprocal.Copy !req
68. We love the word reciprocal.Copy !req
69. Unless it's in the bedroom.Copy !req
70. Right, fellas?Copy !req
71. You want me to do what?Copy !req
72. Yeah.Copy !req
73. The guys know what I'm talking about.Copy !req
74. You know, some people say my plan is
nonsense, but we're using a formula.Copy !req
75. Okay?Copy !req
76. They call it a formula.Copy !req
77. It's very complicated, but let me explain
how it works.Copy !req
78. Give me that.Copy !req
79. All right, so that's a triangle.Copy !req
80. I don't know what that is, but up here,
that's Xi from China.Copy !req
81. And that's me stabbing him with a sword.Copy !req
82. Then down here, that's some sideways
boobs.Copy !req
83. And anyway, you get it.Copy !req
84. Your money's gone, and that's okay.Copy !req
85. We're gonna figure it out.Copy !req
86. You know, no country is safe from my
tariffs.Copy !req
87. I even put tariffs on an island that is
uninhabited by humans.Copy !req
88. It's called Heard and McDonald Island.Copy !req
89. Ooh, McDonald Island.Copy !req
90. I'd love to visit there, right?Copy !req
91. McDonald Island.Copy !req
92. Can you imagine that?Copy !req
93. A Big Mac and a hula skirt.Copy !req
94. Ooh la la.Copy !req
95. You know, I had to mock up some artwork of
McDonald Island.Copy !req
96. Howard, do you mind bringing that out,
please?Copy !req
97. There we go.Copy !req
98. I want to go to there, Tina.Copy !req
99. Get me to God's country, right?Copy !req
100. Remember that?Copy !req
101. The point is, everything is going to be
fine and or bad.Copy !req
102. Everyone's worried about prices going up,
especially the price of grokeries.Copy !req
103. Am I saying that right?Copy !req
104. Food from the grokery store.Copy !req
105. Such an old-fashioned term.Copy !req
106. But we need to send a
message to countries whoCopy !req
107. have been ripping us
off, like South Africa.Copy !req
108. South Africa puts a 60% tariff on
everything we send them.Copy !req
109. And they've never even sent us one good
thing.Copy !req
110. What about me?Copy !req
111. Kidding, kidding, kidding.Copy !req
112. Legalized comedy!Copy !req
113. That was from when I tried to buy the
election in Wisconsin.Copy !req
114. I'm an idiot.Copy !req
115. I should have just bought Wisconsin.Copy !req
116. Glitch!Copy !req
117. Pinwheel!Copy !req
118. Pinwheel!Copy !req
119. Pinwheel!Copy !req
120. Pinwheel!Copy !req
121. And I'm back.Copy !req
122. Elon is great, but sadly, it's time to
never see you again, okay?Copy !req
123. You gotta get back to Tesla, right?Copy !req
124. Because they're doing pretty bad.Copy !req
125. Yes.Copy !req
126. Recently, our dealerships have been the
target of many attacks.Copy !req
127. And suddenly, no one likes Tesla cars.Copy !req
128. So I asked myself, why?Copy !req
129. And then I answered myself, because of me.Copy !req
130. Which is why we're introducing the new
Tesla Model V.Copy !req
131. The first electric car in history to be
fully self-vandalizing.Copy !req
132. With features like self-smashing
headlights.Copy !req
133. Self-slashing tires.Copy !req
134. And AI-powered graffiti.Copy !req
135. Yeah.Copy !req
136. Yeah.Copy !req
137. You can choose from penises or swastikas.Copy !req
138. Or my favorite, swastikas made out of
penises.Copy !req
139. Oh!Copy !req
140. Wow.Copy !req
141. Swastikas and penises.Copy !req
142. We're truly the party of Lincoln.Copy !req
143. Before I go, I just want to mention that
I'm really smart.Copy !req
144. And these tariffs sound really dumb.Copy !req
145. Okay, thanks, Elon.Copy !req
146. Good luck on Mars.Copy !req
147. And live from New York,
it's Saturday Night!Copy !req
148. by CharadaBRCopy !req
149. It's Saturday Night Live!Copy !req
150. With...Copy !req
151. Featuring...Copy !req
152. Musical guests,
Elton John and Brandi Carlile.Copy !req
153. And your host, Jack Black!Copy !req
154. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Black!Copy !req
155. You have no idea how much
this means to be... I am back!Copy !req
156. I'm hosting Saturday Night Live for the
fourth time.Copy !req
157. And for those of you
who don't know, it'sCopy !req
158. been 20 years since
I've been on this stage.Copy !req
159. And honestly, it was an absolute life
highlight.Copy !req
160. And, uh... That's why it's so hard to
say what I'm about to say, but I quit.Copy !req
161. Um...Copy !req
162. I know!Copy !req
163. It's the first time a host has ever quit
in the middle of the monologue.Copy !req
164. But that's kinda cool.Copy !req
165. It's the first time it's ever happened.Copy !req
166. But I can't do it!Copy !req
167. It's too stressful, and frankly,
I do not have the nerve.Copy !req
168. What are you... What are you doing?Copy !req
169. Wait a second!Copy !req
170. Maddie, no.Copy !req
171. How dare you play that riff!Copy !req
172. That's not fair!Copy !req
173. Oh, now I get a mic!Copy !req
174. Share that!Copy !req
175. You guys!Copy !req
176. You know what this song does to me.Copy !req
177. It gives me the power...Copy !req
178. To host a game!Copy !req
179. Yeah!Copy !req
180. I hosted this freaking show.Copy !req
181. And then I did some indie films,
baby, you did not know.Copy !req
182. Tuggering, ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding.Copy !req
183. Like Jumanji!Copy !req
184. And don't forget!Copy !req
185. Super Mario Wii!Copy !req
186. And don't forget!Copy !req
187. And don't you dare forget!Copy !req
188. Not sure!Copy !req
189. I'm back!Copy !req
190. I bet this guy did not know he'd be on TV.Copy !req
191. Take a look.Copy !req
192. And if you wanna rock and roll,
you best be following me.Copy !req
193. Ladies and gentlemen, a marching band!Copy !req
194. ICopy !req
195. Was here was 20 years back.Copy !req
196. But now everybody knows you're in the
cast.Copy !req
197. It's Keenan!Copy !req
198. And Helen and Marquisio.Copy !req
199. I'll admit!Copy !req
200. It's been a while since
I've watched the show!Copy !req
201. SNL's 50!Copy !req
202. And I'm 55!Copy !req
203. And I'm 55!Copy !req
204. The older it gets, the more we feel alive!Copy !req
205. Cause I'm back!Copy !req
206. We've got a great show for you tonight.Copy !req
207. Elton John and Brandi Carlile.Copy !req
208. Stick around, we'll be right back!Copy !req
209. Hello everybody,
I'm Todd Bruff.Copy !req
210. And welcome to Love Match.Copy !req
211. The game where one lonely gal has her pick
of three eligible guys.Copy !req
212. Janie from Syracuse, are you excited to
put some mingle in that single?Copy !req
213. You know it!Copy !req
214. I'm Janie from Syracuse, and I'm gonna put
some mingle in that single.Copy !req
215. Yeah, I just said all that.Copy !req
216. Um, let's meet the bachelors.Copy !req
217. Now, remember, Janie,
even though I can see theCopy !req
218. guys, you won't until
you've made your choice.Copy !req
219. First up, we got Alan from Tempe.Copy !req
220. Hi, my name's Alan, but I hope to be
Fallon in Love.Copy !req
221. We also got Dan from Ridgefield.Copy !req
222. Hey, I'm Dan, and Dan, girl, let's do
this.Copy !req
223. All right.Copy !req
224. And finally, Gene from Seattle.Copy !req
225. Hi, I'm Gene.Copy !req
226. Uh, I can't think of a pun for my name,
I'm just Gene.Copy !req
227. Hmm.Copy !req
228. Thank you.Copy !req
229. Gene.Copy !req
230. Well, okay, I'll start with Dan.Copy !req
231. Uh, Dan, what do you look for in a woman?Copy !req
232. Uh, well, the right answer is personality,
but the real answer is butt.Copy !req
233. Hmm.Copy !req
234. Okay, uh, what about you, Gene?Copy !req
235. You know, I-I spent a lot of my life
trying to figure out women.Copy !req
236. And then one day I said, maybe it's time
to figure out Gene.Copy !req
237. So I'm looking for a woman to go on that
journey with me.Copy !req
238. Wow.Copy !req
239. I mean, that's honestly so refreshing.Copy !req
240. Really?Copy !req
241. Yeah, Gene.Copy !req
242. Yeah, really.Copy !req
243. Uh, I feel like I have to tell you,
he's dressed like Indiana Jones.Copy !req
244. What?Copy !req
245. Uh, I'm not supposed
to say what they look like,Copy !req
246. but yeah, he's in
head-to-toe Indiana Jones.Copy !req
247. What?Copy !req
248. What do you mean?Copy !req
249. Yeah, what is Indiana Jones?Copy !req
250. Yeah, I don't know what Indiana Jones is.Copy !req
251. Well, no, Gene, I think you do.Copy !req
252. I think you do, because you're dressed
like that.Copy !req
253. You're dressed like Indiana Jones.Copy !req
254. I'm dressed like Gene.Copy !req
255. I don't know what Indiana Jones is.Copy !req
256. Is it a brand?Copy !req
257. Is it like Tommy Hilfiger?Copy !req
258. What?Copy !req
259. No.Copy !req
260. Then I don't know what Indiana Jones is.Copy !req
261. No, you do know what it is.Copy !req
262. You do.Copy !req
263. Because you have a whip.Copy !req
264. He does.Copy !req
265. He does have a whip.Copy !req
266. I haven't had a question yet.Copy !req
267. What can we do about that?Copy !req
268. This isn't mine.Copy !req
269. Your people gave this to me.Copy !req
270. I thought you pushed it on the end to buzz
in or something.Copy !req
271. No, you didn't.Copy !req
272. You didn't think it was to buzz in.Copy !req
273. It's a whip.Copy !req
274. It's okay.Copy !req
275. I don't care how he's dressed.Copy !req
276. He sounds nice.Copy !req
277. I am nice.Copy !req
278. Well, he's not nice.Copy !req
279. He's not, because he's lying about not
knowing he's dressed like Indiana Jones.Copy !req
280. He's in a khaki shirt
with one sleeve rippedCopy !req
281. off, and he's wearing
an adventure hat.Copy !req
282. You're hurting my feelings.Copy !req
283. And your producer just said, wear what
you'd wear on a date.Copy !req
284. I'm sorry if it looks like Indiana Jones,
whoever he may be.Copy !req
285. Uh, hey, was Indiana Jones from Indiana?Copy !req
286. No, that was his nickname.Copy !req
287. Excuse me?Copy !req
288. Excuse me?Copy !req
289. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
290. Did you just say a correct fact about
Indiana Jones?Copy !req
291. It's a game show?Copy !req
292. I was guessing.Copy !req
293. Okay, can we just get back to the game?Copy !req
294. Gene, what's your biggest fear?Copy !req
295. Gotta say snakes.Copy !req
296. You're starting to piss me off,
buddy.Copy !req
297. Yeah?Copy !req
298. Say that to my whip!Copy !req
299. Okay.Copy !req
300. Boys, no!Copy !req
301. Come on!Copy !req
302. Look, just go look at him.Copy !req
303. You'll see.Copy !req
304. No, no, that's not fair.Copy !req
305. And I must say that if you
keep telling her what heCopy !req
306. looks like, you have to say
what we look like as well.Copy !req
307. Uh, okay.Copy !req
308. You look like a 12-year-old, and you look
like Jane Lynch.Copy !req
309. This is the worst episode of this show
we've ever done.Copy !req
310. Tell that to my whip!Copy !req
311. Just shut it.Copy !req
312. Shut his door.Copy !req
313. No!Copy !req
314. I'm sorry about that, Janie.Copy !req
315. Let's just start over.Copy !req
316. We're gonna get all new guys starting
right now.Copy !req
317. Let's meet our new Bachelor No.Copy !req
318. 1.Copy !req
319. Hi, I'm Steven, and I'm looking for love.Copy !req
320. Where are they coming from?Copy !req
321. Love match will be right back.Copy !req
322. Another ordinary party.Copy !req
323. Ordinary?Copy !req
324. That's for the other guy.Copy !req
325. Don't you try coming at us with Miles.Copy !req
326. Miles?Copy !req
327. I ain't no child.Copy !req
328. I need it wild.Copy !req
329. And when it's time to deploy some major
snacking.Copy !req
330. Only Flamin' Hot will do.Copy !req
331. But let's shoot straight, King.Copy !req
332. All that in-your-face flavor can really
mess up your butt.Copy !req
333. Inflammation.Copy !req
334. Swelling.Copy !req
335. Painful irritation.Copy !req
336. You need fast relief.Copy !req
337. You need the coolant touch of Preparation
H.Copy !req
338. Not this dog, dog.Copy !req
339. I need to kick it to the extreme.Copy !req
340. What?Copy !req
341. With new Flamin' Hot Preparation H.Copy !req
342. Where did you get that?Copy !req
343. Oh, my God, what is that?Copy !req
344. 20,000 Scoville
units play up, denselyCopy !req
345. packed into an
easy-to-apply dark red cream.Copy !req
346. Oh, good Lord!Copy !req
347. Why on earth would you put that on your
anus?Copy !req
348. You need to fight fire with fire,
G.Copy !req
349. No, you don't!Copy !req
350. Stuart, that is a horrible idea,
man.Copy !req
351. Oh, dog!Copy !req
352. It's science!Copy !req
353. Most creams shrink the irritation with a
cooling effect.Copy !req
354. But you need to exhaust the fuel,
chief.Copy !req
355. Only Flamin' Hot packs the inflammatory
punch to achieve... Oh, you're up there!Copy !req
356. Oh, Stuart, come on.Copy !req
357. You're scaring me, man.Copy !req
358. Yeah!Copy !req
359. Get it around.Copy !req
360. I'm not touching that.Copy !req
361. I'll just be one more minute, please.Copy !req
362. Right, yeah, yeah, no.Copy !req
363. Wow.Copy !req
364. Hang in there, Stuart.Copy !req
365. I'm gonna call 911.Copy !req
366. This was a mistake!Copy !req
367. Flamin' Hot Preparation H.Copy !req
368. Now in Chili Lime Havadero and Carolina
Weaver Pack.Copy !req
369. Oh!Copy !req
370. Oh, guys, I am so glad we did this.Copy !req
371. I haven't seen y'all in ages.Copy !req
372. Yeah, are Eddie and Walter still coming?Copy !req
373. Yeah, they should be here soon.Copy !req
374. Wait, can I just say, I
love those guys, but ICopy !req
375. feel like they're always
trying to one-up us.Copy !req
376. Well, it's been a long time since college.Copy !req
377. We've all grown.Copy !req
378. Oh!Copy !req
379. Here comes Eddie now.Copy !req
380. Oh!Copy !req
381. Eddie!Copy !req
382. Hey, guys, I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
383. Oh, my gosh, Angie!Copy !req
384. I haven't seen you in so long.Copy !req
385. Where have you been?Copy !req
386. Eddie, you know, I'll only be two places,
either at work or on this phone.Copy !req
387. Same.Copy !req
388. I literally must be stopped.Copy !req
389. Like, my screen time is, like,
18 hours a day.Copy !req
390. Dude, same.Copy !req
391. Mine is, like, 20.Copy !req
392. It's so sad.Copy !req
393. Wait, let me see what mine is.Copy !req
394. Oh, weird.Copy !req
395. It says, uh, only two.Copy !req
396. Only two hours?Copy !req
397. Yeah, I guess it's just because I gave up
all social media.Copy !req
398. Oh, wow, that's impressive.Copy !req
399. Geez, I'm so jealous.Copy !req
400. Well, look, being off-grid isn't that
great.Copy !req
401. I'm so boring, all I do is, like,
read physical books.Copy !req
402. Okay, well, that's, uh, that's great,
man.Copy !req
403. Hey, hey, look, Walter's here.Copy !req
404. Hi, guys.Copy !req
405. So, so sorry I'm late.Copy !req
406. Oh, no worries.Copy !req
407. How have you been?Copy !req
408. Oh, I'm fine.Copy !req
409. I just had a long day.Copy !req
410. I was at a protest.Copy !req
411. Hello, Walter.Copy !req
412. Good to see you.Copy !req
413. Sounds like a crazy day.Copy !req
414. Can we get you a drink?Copy !req
415. Uh, yeah, um, I'll just have a club soda.Copy !req
416. Uh, I'm not drinking.Copy !req
417. Wow, that's awesome.Copy !req
418. Um, honestly, you guys all look so well.Copy !req
419. Hey, by the way, Eddie, where did you get
your sweater?Copy !req
420. Oh, I thrifted it.Copy !req
421. From Goodwill.Copy !req
422. Where I volunteer.Copy !req
423. Wow, that's amazing of you, Eddie.Copy !req
424. Yeah.Copy !req
425. Where's yours from, Zara or the evil
Teemu?Copy !req
426. Uh, neither, actually.Copy !req
427. I made it.Copy !req
428. Anyway, um, Sophie, how was your weekend?Copy !req
429. It was great.Copy !req
430. I saw foreign film with no subtitles.Copy !req
431. Oh, sorry, guys.Copy !req
432. It's work.Copy !req
433. I normally wouldn't take it, but you're
always on call when you're a teacher.Copy !req
434. Our special needs kids.Copy !req
435. Who speak Spanish?Copy !req
436. Whaa!Copy !req
437. Wow, you must be so excited for summer.Copy !req
438. I know I am.Copy !req
439. Me too.Copy !req
440. But I don't go to the beach.Copy !req
441. I only go to black-owned pools.Copy !req
442. Um, okay, well, uh, we're Polly.Copy !req
443. Oh!Copy !req
444. Excuse me.Copy !req
445. How's the food, folks?Copy !req
446. Y'all need anything?Copy !req
447. Oh, hello, guys.Copy !req
448. Thank you.Copy !req
449. Thank you.Copy !req
450. Okay, great.Copy !req
451. Well, my shift is ending, and I gotta get
home to my son, who I adopted from China.Copy !req
452. Come, Aurelius!Copy !req
453. That's what that sound was.Copy !req
454. Oh!Copy !req
455. Athens, circa 500 B.C., the ancient Greeks
create a new form of entertainment knownCopy !req
456. as theater, meaning, at some point,
there had to have been the first play.Copy !req
457. All right, right this way.Copy !req
458. Here you are.Copy !req
459. In here.Copy !req
460. The show will be in shortly.Copy !req
461. Climastocles!Copy !req
462. It's good to see you.Copy !req
463. You as well, Zidios?Copy !req
464. Tell me, do you know what we're gathered
here to see?Copy !req
465. All I've been told is that it's a new form
of entertainment called a play.Copy !req
466. Yes, the poster simply said, tonight at 7
p.m., come watch a book.Copy !req
467. Curious!Copy !req
468. Ah!Copy !req
469. Something appears to be happening.Copy !req
470. I am Dematros.Copy !req
471. Hello!Copy !req
472. I am but a simple farmer.Copy !req
473. I am a cloth merchant.Copy !req
474. Why are you up there?Copy !req
475. Come, sit with us.Copy !req
476. Please, I can't speak.Copy !req
477. Ah, my chickens.Copy !req
478. Time to feed.Copy !req
479. Eat your grain, chickens.Copy !req
480. I see no chickens.Copy !req
481. Friends, it seems your chickens have run
off.Copy !req
482. Shh.Copy !req
483. Please sit down.Copy !req
484. Why?Copy !req
485. Look, just yonder, the king's general
approaches the palace.Copy !req
486. Oh.Copy !req
487. There's no general back there.Copy !req
488. Yes.Copy !req
489. Why do you lie to us, sir?Copy !req
490. What is this?Copy !req
491. I sense grave events will befall our king.Copy !req
492. Goodbye!Copy !req
493. I, Phobos, have returned from the Isles.Copy !req
494. Hello!Copy !req
495. I am Clytemesticles.Copy !req
496. I am Philomede.Copy !req
497. Welcome!Copy !req
498. Someone fetch the king.Copy !req
499. Tell him his loyal friend and general
brings distressing news.Copy !req
500. I will go.Copy !req
501. Oh, how I am weak with hunger.Copy !req
502. My head aches, and my stomach roars with
the want of food.Copy !req
503. Oh, here.Copy !req
504. Here's some bread.Copy !req
505. Please.Copy !req
506. And sit down.Copy !req
507. Sir.Copy !req
508. Sir, go back to your seat.Copy !req
509. He is starved.Copy !req
510. He's been in it.Copy !req
511. Greetings, all.Copy !req
512. Ah, I know this man.Copy !req
513. He is my neighbor, Tritus.Copy !req
514. It is I, King Byzantus.Copy !req
515. Liar!Copy !req
516. Tritus, you are no king.Copy !req
517. He is an olive oil merchant.Copy !req
518. My king, Isle Dwellers laid siege to our
caravan and captured your wife,Copy !req
519. the dear Queen Celestra.Copy !req
520. Liar!Copy !req
521. Liar!Copy !req
522. I saw his wife this morn.Copy !req
523. Please stop interrupting.Copy !req
524. But he's lying to us.Copy !req
525. Go away.Copy !req
526. I don't like you.Copy !req
527. Come, Phobos.Copy !req
528. We shall set sail this moment and rescue
her.Copy !req
529. The air is oddly still this eve.Copy !req
530. So, did you find your chickens?Copy !req
531. Days have passed since the king's ship
left harbor.Copy !req
532. I pray the gods keep them safe.Copy !req
533. Thanks, Zeus, this ship is held well.Copy !req
534. Look, the army of Isles waits for us.Copy !req
535. Again, he tricks us!Copy !req
536. I will not wait to strike.Copy !req
537. I know of your plot to murder me and steal
both my wife and my crown.Copy !req
538. How did you discover my secrets?Copy !req
539. That is between me and the gods,
whom you soon shall meet.Copy !req
540. Why were we brought here to watch someone
be murdered?Copy !req
541. Oh, my God.Copy !req
542. It's pretend.Copy !req
543. See?Copy !req
544. He's not really dead.Copy !req
545. Do you understand?Copy !req
546. No!Copy !req
547. So, we act out a story, and you watch him
pretend it's real.Copy !req
548. Can you do that?Copy !req
549. That sounds difficult.Copy !req
550. I don't think I can.Copy !req
551. Well, the next scene there's nudity.Copy !req
552. Oh, then on with the show.Copy !req
553. I love the theater.Copy !req
554. Yeah!Copy !req
555. This island is our home.Copy !req
556. This island is our home.Copy !req
557. Blessed by Jah, so much beauty to behold.Copy !req
558. But when there is war,
and struggle and pain,Copy !req
559. How do we fill our
souls with joy again?Copy !req
560. We look and we laugh at God Keep on
vacation.Copy !req
561. With the family.Copy !req
562. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
563. The family.Copy !req
564. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
565. They just want to be.Copy !req
566. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
567. Black jeans.Copy !req
568. He wear no sandals.Copy !req
569. He got your combat boots on your beach.Copy !req
570. Boy-ya-ya-ya.Copy !req
571. He no one, no jet ski.Copy !req
572. He no swim with no dolphin.Copy !req
573. He won't sit in the hotel lobby.Copy !req
574. Looked at photos of his big-born
girlfriend.Copy !req
575. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
576. Hiding from the sun.Copy !req
577. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
578. Watch his hair die.Copy !req
579. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
580. He no have no fun.Copy !req
581. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
582. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
583. When I was a young boy.Copy !req
584. My parents.Copy !req
585. They said come to my balls.Copy !req
586. So I could master.Copy !req
587. On vacation.Copy !req
588. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
589. Okay, so what's the plan for this
afternoon, gang?Copy !req
590. What does everybody want to do?Copy !req
591. Go home.Copy !req
592. Maybe snorkeling?Copy !req
593. Maybe go home.Copy !req
594. Snorkeling sounds great.Copy !req
595. Going home sounds great.Copy !req
596. Dexter, maybe you should just go to the
beach and write your poetry.Copy !req
597. Would that make you happy?Copy !req
598. Happiness is a disease.Copy !req
599. He's sweating.Copy !req
600. He's sweating.Copy !req
601. He's sweating.Copy !req
602. Oh my.Copy !req
603. He's sweating.Copy !req
604. He's sweating.Copy !req
605. Right through his t-shirt.Copy !req
606. He's sweating.Copy !req
607. He's sweating.Copy !req
608. As print on the lounge chair.Copy !req
609. He's sweating.Copy !req
610. He's sweating.Copy !req
611. Life is misery for us.Copy !req
612. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
613. My shirt is staying on.Copy !req
614. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
615. I do the zip line once.Copy !req
616. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
617. Please just take me home.Copy !req
618. God Keep on vacation.Copy !req
619. One love.Copy !req
620. Ladies and gentlemen,
Elton John and Brandi Carlile!Copy !req
621. It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and
Michael Chang.Copy !req
622. Good morning, everyone.Copy !req
623. Welcome to Weekend Update.Copy !req
624. I'm Michael Chang.Copy !req
625. I'm Colin Jost.Copy !req
626. Well, America elected Donald Trump to run
the country like a business, but it turnsCopy !req
627. out he's running it like one of his
businesses.Copy !req
628. I love that you can intentionally ruin the
economy and still get to stay president.Copy !req
629. It's like if you drunk
drove your car through theCopy !req
630. window of the DMV and they
were like, license renewed!Copy !req
631. It's insane.Copy !req
632. This was the worst week for the stock
market since the summer of 2020.Copy !req
633. But you have to remember, back then,
the president was also Trump.Copy !req
634. Just in the past two days, investors have
lost over $6 trillion.Copy !req
635. Money is leaving the stock market faster
than Morgan Wallen at goodnight.Copy !req
636. President Trump announced a tariff
on all goods imported into the U.S.Copy !req
637. , saying that the U.S.Copy !req
638. has been plundered and raped by other
countries.Copy !req
639. And Trump will not stand for plundering.Copy !req
640. An economic slowdown from tariffs could be
especially hard on China because it's notCopy !req
641. easy to tell a child they're getting laid
off.Copy !req
642. I'm just getting started.Copy !req
643. President Trump even
imposed tariffs on remoteCopy !req
644. islands that are only
inhabited by penguins.Copy !req
645. Well, then maybe penguins shouldn't keep
pushing their gay agenda.Copy !req
646. Senator Cory Booker set
a record, giving a 25-hourCopy !req
647. speech on the Senate
floor, which is crazy.Copy !req
648. I mean, I've been talking for 45 seconds,
and I already want to go home.Copy !req
649. The previous record was actually
held by Strom Thurmond, whoCopy !req
650. spoke for over 24 hours
to protest the civil rights bill.Copy !req
651. And look how effective that was.Copy !req
652. The live stream of Cory Booker's speech
got more than 350 million likes on TikTokCopy !req
653. and was re-shared millions more times with
the hashtag Why Vin Diesel trippin'?Copy !req
654. The Department of Education has warned
state officials that public schools willCopy !req
655. lose federal funding if they do not
eliminate DEI programs.Copy !req
656. So from now on, Spanish class is just
gonna be English but louder class.Copy !req
657. Health and Human Services Secretary Robert
F.Copy !req
658. Kennedy Jr. seen here watching a chicken
sneeze on a babyCopy !req
659. said this week that he's pushing for
school cafeterias to serve whole milk,Copy !req
660. though it's RFK, so that milk could be
coming from any hole.Copy !req
661. In the Florida special
election, Jimmy Petronas wonCopy !req
662. Matt Gaetz's old
congressional seat by 15 points.Copy !req
663. Said Gaetz, 15?Copy !req
664. Nice.Copy !req
665. I delivered that too creepy, man.Copy !req
666. I know.Copy !req
667. That was way too real.Copy !req
668. This week, President
Trump met with Kid RockCopy !req
669. for what appears to be
drag queen story hour.Copy !req
670. Kid Rock watched Trump sign an executive
order on concert ticket fees and thenCopy !req
671. returned to his regular job as a Fourth of
July lawn skeleton.Copy !req
672. New York Mayor Eric Adams announced that
he is leaving the Democratic Party.Copy !req
673. I assume to hit up the after party.Copy !req
674. Some studies suggest that spring is the
most common season for couples to break up.Copy !req
675. Here to comment on how to
maintain a healthy relationship areCopy !req
676. Grant and Alyssa, the couple
you can't believe are together.Copy !req
677. ToCopy !req
678. Be here on Weekend Edition, let's go!Copy !req
679. Hello.Copy !req
680. Thank you.Copy !req
681. Hello.Copy !req
682. It's great to see you guys again.Copy !req
683. Uh, I honestly forgot just how different
you were.Copy !req
684. Man, that's what makes us perfect,
Colin.Copy !req
685. Our differences.Copy !req
686. We're gonna live happily ever after,
baby.Copy !req
687. Like Romeo and Juliet, I assume.Copy !req
688. That's great.Copy !req
689. So how do you guys keep your relationship
healthy?Copy !req
690. Man, it's important to know each other's
love languages.Copy !req
691. My love language is gift-giving.Copy !req
692. Guess what I got her for our anniversary
calling?Copy !req
693. Guess what I got her?Copy !req
694. I don't know.Copy !req
695. Maybe some jewelry?Copy !req
696. That's right!Copy !req
697. A clarinet!Copy !req
698. Don't my baby look like she would go
stupid on a woodwind?Copy !req
699. Guilty.Copy !req
700. Man, and her love language
is making me watch that TVCopy !req
701. show about an Australian
guy who lives in a port-a-potty.Copy !req
702. He means Doctor Who.Copy !req
703. I don't know, man.Copy !req
704. We watch it every night, and she's looking
bad as hell, watching Doctor Whoever whileCopy !req
705. she's sipping tea in her little nightcap
like the bear on the box.Copy !req
706. And I snort a line of pre-workout,
and I watch it like this.Copy !req
707. And this-this...Copy !req
708. I'm sorry.Copy !req
709. So this-this dynamic just works for you
guys?Copy !req
710. Um, it works because we have ground rules.Copy !req
711. Yeah, yeah, that's true.Copy !req
712. Uh-huh.Copy !req
713. Me and my baby, she has three rules for
me, okay?Copy !req
714. Rule number one, I do the dishes because I
like playing in the water.Copy !req
715. Rule number two, she does the cooking
because I'm not allowed to touch the stove.Copy !req
716. And tell them rule number three,
baby.Copy !req
717. Tell them what you always tell me.Copy !req
718. Uh, don't wear those little shorts around
unless you're trying to drop them.Copy !req
719. That's right!Copy !req
720. Where'd that come from?Copy !req
721. Yeah.Copy !req
722. Those are called boundaries, Colin.Copy !req
723. She has boundaries.Copy !req
724. Yeah.Copy !req
725. Boundaries.Copy !req
726. That's a new word that she taught me on
Word Wednesdays.Copy !req
727. Yeah, every Wednesday, my baby teaches me
a new word, and I love it.Copy !req
728. And I want to say, girl, you make me feel
undoubtedly...Copy !req
729. So close, baby.Copy !req
730. It's not that close.Copy !req
731. Well, any final advice for couples who
want to maintain a healthy relationship?Copy !req
732. I have a tip for all the ladies out there.Copy !req
733. Uh, listen to each other.Copy !req
734. Never go to bed angry.Copy !req
735. And if any of you ever come for my man,
I'll break a bitch off like a Kit-Kat bar.Copy !req
736. Whoa!Copy !req
737. Like a Kit-Kat bar?Copy !req
738. A British woman says that her one-year-old
son ate her father's ashes.Copy !req
739. So, in a way, he does have his grandpa's
eyes.Copy !req
740. Isn't that sweet?Copy !req
741. Yeah, that's really sweet.Copy !req
742. Actor Russell Brand was
charged in England with sexualCopy !req
743. assault, which somehow
makes this video even creepier.Copy !req
744. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Brown.Copy !req
745. We really know how to pair him up.Copy !req
746. Betty Webb, one of the
last surviving World WarCopy !req
747. II codebreakers, has
died at the age of 101.Copy !req
748. Webb first deciphered
Nazi communications afterCopy !req
749. Hitler accidentally
added her to a group chat.Copy !req
750. A new report shows that the number of
black men attending historically blackCopy !req
751. colleges and universities has hit a
historic low of 26%.Copy !req
752. Sadly, historically black colleges are
lacking one key resource, white girls.Copy !req
753. I-I-I knew you wouldn't like it.Copy !req
754. Now just imagine if I told it.Copy !req
755. Well, you-you wrote it.Copy !req
756. Subway has partnered with Doritos to offer
new foot-long nachos.Copy !req
757. But I don't love the slogan, Eat out of
this trough, you pig!Copy !req
758. I'm also worried about this one.Copy !req
759. Thursday was National Burrito Day,
with many places offering free burritos,Copy !req
760. including the back of this truck.Copy !req
761. Mental health experts are saying that
adults can help deal with trauma byCopy !req
762. sleeping with a
stuffed animal, which isCopy !req
763. the same thing Goofy
whispered to your wife.Copy !req
764. A restaurant... The restaurant
chain Hooters has filed for bankruptcy.Copy !req
765. Apparently their business model was a
bust.Copy !req
766. It's-it's a thinker.Copy !req
767. A ballet dancer set a new world record for
longest distance covered while performingCopy !req
768. a split on two moving ATVs, which also
inspired the new TV show, Vagina 911.Copy !req
769. Great show.Copy !req
770. Well, the White House Correspondents
Association announced there will no longerCopy !req
771. be a comedian featured
at this year's eventCopy !req
772. because they want to
avoid divisive politics.Copy !req
773. Here to comment is our very own Ego Wodum.Copy !req
774. I'mCopy !req
775. just gonna come out and say it.Copy !req
776. They should let me do the White House
Correspondents' Dinner.Copy !req
777. Okay.Copy !req
778. That-that would be great, Ego,
but they said they don't want a comedian.Copy !req
779. Yeah, that's cause every year a comedian
gets up there talking trash about theCopy !req
780. White House, about the media, but no one's
ever just made fun of the dinner.Copy !req
781. The dinner?Copy !req
782. Well, your whole set can't just be about
the food.Copy !req
783. Uh, yes, it can.Copy !req
784. Just read the card.Copy !req
785. Okay.Copy !req
786. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the
baddest chick on the block.Copy !req
787. WhiteCopy !req
788. House Correspondents, how we doin' White
House?Copy !req
789. Hey!Copy !req
790. Hey, Chef, go ahead
and hang that apron up,Copy !req
791. bruh, cause I'm doin'
the roastin' tonight.Copy !req
792. I'm sorry, what-what is this?Copy !req
793. Damn, it's stankin' here.Copy !req
794. Ooh!Copy !req
795. This food is rank.Copy !req
796. So, for dinner, I see y'all got a choice
of beef, fish, or chicken.Copy !req
797. There's also a vegetarian option.Copy !req
798. It's called walking your gay ass to sweet
greens across the street.Copy !req
799. Call me Keys, baby, cause I'm about to
snap, sucker.Copy !req
800. Hey, what is this voice?Copy !req
801. They talkin' about...Copy !req
802. They talkin' about they servin' me some
seared Alaskan halibut.Copy !req
803. So I said, halibut, you throw that mess in
the trash, sucker.Copy !req
804. Now, is it just me, or are these dinner
rolls harder than trigonometry, huh?Copy !req
805. Ooh, good...Copy !req
806. This food is bland tonight.Copy !req
807. I see y'all got hickam on the menu.Copy !req
808. More like, here come another man with
another excuse.Copy !req
809. Ooh, y'all lost...Copy !req
810. Okay.Copy !req
811. I'm sorry.Copy !req
812. Eggie, where is this going?Copy !req
813. As if I didn't give that man five children
in ten years of my life.Copy !req
814. You don't have kids!Copy !req
815. Hey, hey, get your friend, Michael,
cause I ain't doin' no crowd work.Copy !req
816. This Miss Eggie, and Miss Eggie done what?Copy !req
817. That's right.Copy !req
818. How y'all know?Copy !req
819. No one's supposed to know that.Copy !req
820. Miss Eggie just trying to get fed,
get some, and get that Uber home.Copy !req
821. The hell!Copy !req
822. Who is Miss Eggie?Copy !req
823. Miss Eggie is my stand-up persona,
Colin.Copy !req
824. Please, let me cook.Copy !req
825. You're not... you're not even talking
about food anymore.Copy !req
826. Yes, I am.Copy !req
827. Now, listen here.Copy !req
828. Sex is a little different after 50.Copy !req
829. You're not 50.Copy !req
830. No matter what age, Miss Eggie go over
easy, okay?Copy !req
831. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
832. And Cory Booker out here with his
filibuster.Copy !req
833. Shoo.Copy !req
834. I had my filibusters.Copy !req
835. Cause these men ain't what?Copy !req
836. Having a bitch.Copy !req
837. That's your ending?Copy !req
838. Oh, my God.Copy !req
839. What?Copy !req
840. Play.Copy !req
841. Francesca, I had such a great time
tonight.Copy !req
842. Me too.Copy !req
843. It was so cool when you almost caught that
shrimp in your mouth.Copy !req
844. Yeah, and I almost had it, too.Copy !req
845. Anyway, Francesca, I have to say,
I really like you.Copy !req
846. And I'm feeling really good about us.Copy !req
847. Wow, Greg, I feel the same way.Copy !req
848. I think it's time to
take it to connectCopy !req
849. physically and to
take it to the next level.Copy !req
850. I do, too.Copy !req
851. Oh.Copy !req
852. When a man and a woman put on silk pajamas
And finally ready for a bang-a-ramaCopy !req
853. Together we swim through a sea of romance
And join our bodies in a sensual danceCopy !req
854. Because...Copy !req
855. Because we're making real First we do
things to me for a while And then we doCopy !req
856. things to you for not that long You'll
make lots of noise as our bodies blendCopy !req
857. I'll just make one noise at the end As we
kiss, we can hear we're out of breathCopy !req
858. Cause I'm in a yoga
plank And I'm just chillingCopy !req
859. Hey, I have an idea How
about some dirty talk?Copy !req
860. Oh, sure!Copy !req
861. You've been so bad, I'm gonna kill you Oh!Copy !req
862. A little scary How about some champagne?Copy !req
863. Here you go I'm trying to reach...Copy !req
864. Are you getting any?Copy !req
865. Oh, sorry, I didn't want it to go in your
eyeballs Sorry, that's enough champagneCopy !req
866. That was so romantic You know me as well
You know why?Copy !req
867. Because... Because...
Because I'm making a laughCopy !req
868. We've been saying a while We both know
it's time to bring in a third Hello,Copy !req
869. I'm here to fix your problem
And this will definitelyCopy !req
870. end well Cause bringing in
a third has never not worthCopy !req
871. me Then she does him Then she
does me Then I get jealous And ICopy !req
872. cry for the little So we go on
my fight In the bathroom What?Copy !req
873. What?Copy !req
874. Why are you mad?Copy !req
875. This was your idea!Copy !req
876. Well, now I feel weird I shouldn't have
brought someone from work He's gonna tellCopy !req
877. everyone how love I
love make Hey guys, ICopy !req
878. can hear ya Should I
just go back to Midtown?Copy !req
879. It's not your fault
Everything will be dandyCopy !req
880. We're bringing a fourth
And the fourth is friendlyCopy !req
881. Thanks for having us in this love parade
Isn't it weird?Copy !req
882. This is how people are made Well,
we went to town And you know what's nextCopy !req
883. We get to do the one thing that's better
than sex We get to lay down and watch TVCopy !req
884. TV Hey y'all, thanks for coming out today
We are Big Ricky and the Minnows And everyCopy !req
885. Sunday we host our Potluck Jam So if
you're a musician, come on up AllCopy !req
886. instruments, all skill levels are welcome
to jam Also at one o'clock, there is theCopy !req
887. Diabetes Awareness Wet T-Shirt Contest
Till then, let's jam This one's for all myCopy !req
888. 90s babies Two, three, four She's a good
girl Loves her mama Loves Jesus And herCopy !req
889. boyfriend too Uh-oh,
look at this We got our firstCopy !req
890. jammer Nice, a bass Ask
and ye shall receive Am I right?Copy !req
891. What's your name, my man?Copy !req
892. Trish You know this one, Trish
Dive in Two, three, four It's aCopy !req
893. long day Living in receipt of
Ooh, that bass feels good Yeah!Copy !req
894. Running through the yard Hey now,
what do we have here?Copy !req
895. No shirt, no shoes, and a bass Are we
dealing with a double bass sandwich?Copy !req
896. Right on, my man Also, is that a
McDonald's number two on your chest?Copy !req
897. Oh yeah, cause I'm loving it Right on,
bud Two, three, four I'm a bad boy Cause ICopy !req
898. don't even miss her I'm a bad boy For
breaking her heart Wow!Copy !req
899. Now it is an embarrassment of basses Woo!Copy !req
900. I love you, Big Ricky!Copy !req
901. Woo!Copy !req
902. Hello!Copy !req
903. Looks like our sweet jam has summoned
a siren You fresh out of the lake, darling?Copy !req
904. Yeah, just killing time before the boom
contest Well, let's get this wet seal aCopy !req
905. tambourine Aw, nah nah nah nah I play the
bass Oh!Copy !req
906. Okay, another bass I'm
not sure there's any realCopy !req
907. estate left on the amp I
found an open socket Woo!Copy !req
908. She's slapping it I guess bass was
never really missing from this song, huh?Copy !req
909. Kinda changes the vibe of free falling Hey,
Eddie, you think Tom Petty's liking this?Copy !req
910. I do not Okay, all good Let's hit the
chorus Three, four, and threeCopy !req
911. Put her on bass Quality of the sound feels
like a sinus infection All the instrumentsCopy !req
912. are welcome But if you got a bass,
maybe sit this set out We'll get you nextCopy !req
913. time We are Big Ricky and the Minnows And
we are good on bass Oh, yes, Spoon Man,Copy !req
914. yes!Copy !req
915. We could use some percussion What's your
name?Copy !req
916. Uh, Given or Stage?Copy !req
917. Stage Stage My name is Kevin Basie Ha,
ha, ha!Copy !req
918. Ouch!Copy !req
919. That is disappointing on two levels And,
uh, what were the spoons for?Copy !req
920. Oh, these spoons are for crack Son of a
bitch!Copy !req
921. Three, four, yeah, I'm free!Copy !req
922. Yeah, I'm having a hard time
hearing the melody Kind ofCopy !req
923. lost in a corn maze of bass
Anybody else's teeth rattling?Copy !req
924. Wow!Copy !req
925. Looks like the amp is throwing sparks In
fact, to the girl who's dripping wet MaybeCopy !req
926. give that bass some
room She's noodling rightCopy !req
927. over the amp That is not
a smart girl Okay, look!Copy !req
928. Oh, it's Mike, the owner of the bass bar!Copy !req
929. Hey, not a moment too soon We could use
some keyboard Oh, what?Copy !req
930. No, this is just my
carrying case For myCopy !req
931. bass A keyboard-shaped
bass case for a bass?Copy !req
932. Damn it!Copy !req
933. Okay, this is like going to
cookout And everybody boughtCopy !req
934. quinoa That's a good one, boss
Eddie, where did you get that?Copy !req
935. Whatever!Copy !req
936. Let's keep jammin' Three, four...Copy !req
937. This ain't the sunset speed Damn it!Copy !req
938. This is too much bass Can anyone make
another sound, please?Copy !req
939. Ma'am, could you make your dog bark?Copy !req
940. No, he's mute, but he's a bass in hell
Don't tell me that dog plays bass I said,Copy !req
941. we don't want bass And people keep
bringing bass So how about this?Copy !req
942. We want more bass No!Copy !req
943. This is too much bass The frequencies
could endanger the integrity of the pierCopy !req
944. Well, Big Wiggy, we're going down Let's go
down, damn it!Copy !req
945. Hey, you are so right Everybody,
let's jam Three, four...Copy !req
946. Once again, Elton John and Brandi CarlileCopy !req
947. You don't need to laugh so hard You don't
have to wear a tie Sometimes honest isCopy !req
948. being caught inside a lie And I've been
thereCopy !req
949. If I lived an easy life, would I still
choose you?Copy !req
950. Would I fall on the same night?Copy !req
951. A rodeo queen breathing far into the
night.Copy !req
952. I've been there.Copy !req
953. WhatCopy !req
954. do you say we set the pleasantries aside?Copy !req
955. Even the diamonds look like rocks to the
untrained eye.Copy !req
956. What does it cost to buy a soul back when
you die?Copy !req
957. What are the angels gonna do with you and
I?Copy !req
958. IfCopy !req
959. You're not swinging first, you will never
in the right.Copy !req
960. What do you say we set the pleasantries
aside?Copy !req
961. Even the diamonds look like rocks to the
untrained eye.Copy !req
962. Or stood by a soul back when you die?Copy !req
963. What are the angels gonna do with you and
I?Copy !req
964. What do the angels
do when you pray?Copy !req
965. Overliving the angels and away.Copy !req
966. There's no need to curse the stars.Copy !req
967. Or bite before you bark.Copy !req
968. But when you need someone to walk with in
the dark.Copy !req
969. I have been there.Copy !req
970. I have been there.Copy !req
971. ICopy !req
972. Have been there.Copy !req
973. Oh,Copy !req
974. it's good to be home.Copy !req
975. Well, I'll say.Copy !req
976. Uh, babe, what the hell was that?Copy !req
977. Oh, I don't even know.Copy !req
978. It happened so fast.Copy !req
979. Okay, I'll leave for five
seconds to get a coupleCopy !req
980. dogs and you're kissing
some stinking sailor.Copy !req
981. I'm standing right here and I think
someone took a photo.Copy !req
982. Oh, nobody took a photo and don't get
upset.Copy !req
983. It was nothing and I hated it anyway.Copy !req
984. Oh, yeah, I melt backwards and arch my
foot when I hate something too.Copy !req
985. I'm surprised you didn't pop your shirt
open.Copy !req
986. Don't be crass, Arthur.Copy !req
987. It was just some drunk sailor who was just
happy to be home.Copy !req
988. Now, let's just have a hot dog and forget
the whole thing.Copy !req
989. Oh, did you want me to get you a hot dog?Copy !req
990. Oh, you got four hot dogs for yourself?Copy !req
991. Is that a problem?Copy !req
992. If you wanted a dog, you should have told
me.Copy !req
993. You know what?Copy !req
994. I'm not even hungry.Copy !req
995. I'm too excited.Copy !req
996. We can finally start our lives.Copy !req
997. Uh, hello.Copy !req
998. May I kiss you on the mouth?Copy !req
999. Well, I don't see why not.Copy !req
1000. All right.Copy !req
1001. Uh, heck, buddy.Copy !req
1002. All right, come on.Copy !req
1003. That's... time's up.Copy !req
1004. Okay, knock it off.Copy !req
1005. For real.Copy !req
1006. Wrap it up, bucko.Copy !req
1007. Seriously, I'm getting mad, guy.Copy !req
1008. Two more seconds and then that's it.Copy !req
1009. One.Copy !req
1010. Hey, man.Copy !req
1011. I got that fifth hot dog for you.Copy !req
1012. Thank you.Copy !req
1013. Yeah, I had to go to the other cart to get
it.Copy !req
1014. Thank you.Copy !req
1015. Why are you still here?Copy !req
1016. Oh, isn't this the line to kiss the nurse?Copy !req
1017. No!Copy !req
1018. Get out of here, bozo!Copy !req
1019. That's my girl you just kissed.Copy !req
1020. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
1021. What the hell is going on, babe?Copy !req
1022. Honey, they're just happy to be home.Copy !req
1023. It was a long war.Copy !req
1024. Yeah, you don't think I know that?Copy !req
1025. I served my country.Copy !req
1026. Maybe not a guy with a gun, but I served.Copy !req
1027. I know you did, sweetheart.Copy !req
1028. When Uncle Sam put out the call for
able-bodied illustrators to draw racistCopy !req
1029. propaganda cartoons of the Japanese
emperor, I was first in line.Copy !req
1030. And I am so proud of you, honey.Copy !req
1031. You know how many people joined the army
because of my racist cartoons?Copy !req
1032. Millions.Copy !req
1033. Hundreds of millions.Copy !req
1034. So, I guess what?Copy !req
1035. I think I've earned myself a little treat,
too.Copy !req
1036. Oh, Arthur, don't.Copy !req
1037. Too late.Copy !req
1038. Hello, doll.Copy !req
1039. Pucker up.Copy !req
1040. Go away, pervert!Copy !req
1041. No!Copy !req
1042. Geez!Copy !req
1043. Oh, well played.Copy !req
1044. Well, you know what?Copy !req
1045. We're breaking up.Copy !req
1046. We're breaking up.Copy !req
1047. Not forever.Copy !req
1048. Just for now.Copy !req
1049. Until this kiss ends.Copy !req
1050. Cause when it does, you're with me!Copy !req
1051. Wow!Copy !req
1052. Welcome home to me, I guess.Copy !req
1053. Hey!Copy !req
1054. Jag off!Copy !req
1055. That's my girl!Copy !req
1056. Wait.Copy !req
1057. Are you Arthur Donnelly, the cartoonist?Copy !req
1058. That's right.Copy !req
1059. Your cartoon's just wow.Copy !req
1060. Thank you!Copy !req
1061. I mean, even for wartime, they were
really, really, really racist.Copy !req
1062. Thank you so much.Copy !req
1063. You should be ashamed of yourself.Copy !req
1064. Ah, you're too kind.Copy !req
1065. You are a sick man.Copy !req
1066. Always nice to meet a fan.Copy !req
1067. Goodbye, miss.Copy !req
1068. Ooh!Copy !req
1069. Ooh!Copy !req
1070. Hey, how about you dip your girl,
and I'll take a photo?Copy !req
1071. That's more like it.Copy !req
1072. Come here, darling.Copy !req
1073. I'm gonna give you a smoocher.Copy !req
1074. Oh, my dogs!Copy !req
1075. Anyway, you guys, this has been a life
highlight.Copy !req
1076. This is the best crew, best writers,
best cast.Copy !req
1077. Love you.Copy !req
1078. Mwah!Copy !req
1079. Yeah!Copy !req
1080. by CharadaBRCopy !req