Saturday Night Live 41x8

1. AND NOW AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE 43RD PRESIDENT OF THE

2. UNITED STATES

3. GEORGE W. BUSH GEORGE W. BUSH

4. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT DAY. I MADE A BIG DECISION.

5. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT DAY. I MADE A BIG DECISION. I'M ENTERING THE RACE FOR THE

6. I MADE A BIG DECISION. I'M ENTERING THE RACE FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

7. I'M ENTERING THE RACE FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

8. PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

9. OF AMERICA. THE FIELD OF REPUBLICANS OUT

10. THE FIELD OF REPUBLICANS OUT THERE IS SO MESSED UP.

11. THE FIELD OF REPUBLICANS OUT THERE IS SO MESSED UP. I FIGURE IT MAKES YOU MISS ME,

12. THERE IS SO MESSED UP. I FIGURE IT MAKES YOU MISS ME, DOESN'T IT?

13. I FIGURE IT MAKES YOU MISS ME, DOESN'T IT?

14. DOESN'T IT? AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT.

15. AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT. I'VE ALREADY GOT MY CAMPAIGN

16. I'VE ALREADY GOT MY CAMPAIGN SONG.

17. I'VE ALREADY GOT MY CAMPAIGN SONG. READY OR NOT, HERE I COME, YOU

18. SONG. READY OR NOT, HERE I COME, YOU CAN'T HIDE.

19. READY OR NOT, HERE I COME, YOU CAN'T HIDE. ♪ I'M GOING TO

20. CAN'T HIDE. ♪ I'M GOING TO FIND YOU AND MAKE

21. FIND YOU AND MAKE YOU LOVE ME ♪ A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM THE

22. YOU LOVE ME ♪ A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM THE SOOGIES.

23. A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM THE SOOGIES.

24. SOOGIES. I'M TELLING YOU, I CAN BEAT

25. I'M TELLING YOU, I CAN BEAT THESE GUYS.

26. I'M TELLING YOU, I CAN BEAT THESE GUYS. HERE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME

27. THESE GUYS. HERE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FRONT RUNNERS.

28. HERE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FRONT RUNNERS. DR. BEN CARSON.

29. OF THE FRONT RUNNERS. DR. BEN CARSON. I CAN BARELY HEAR HIM WHEN HE

30. DR. BEN CARSON. I CAN BARELY HEAR HIM WHEN HE TALKS.

31. I CAN BARELY HEAR HIM WHEN HE TALKS.

32. TALKS. I TELL YOU SOMETHING, THAT'S NOT

33. I TELL YOU SOMETHING, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK WHEN YOU HAVE TO

34. I TELL YOU SOMETHING, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHINA OR AZUBAJAN WHERE

35. GOING TO WORK WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHINA OR AZUBAJAN WHERE YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDLY SO THEY

36. GO TO CHINA OR AZUBAJAN WHERE YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDLY SO THEY WILL UNDERSTAND.

37. YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDLY SO THEY WILL UNDERSTAND.

38. WILL UNDERSTAND. NOT TO MENTION, HE'S SOME KIND

39. NOT TO MENTION, HE'S SOME KIND OF BRAIN SURGEON.

40. NOT TO MENTION, HE'S SOME KIND OF BRAIN SURGEON. WELL I GOT NEWS FOR HIM.

41. OF BRAIN SURGEON. WELL I GOT NEWS FOR HIM. RUNNING THE COUNTRY IS NOT BRAIN

42. WELL I GOT NEWS FOR HIM. RUNNING THE COUNTRY IS NOT BRAIN SURGERY.

43. RUNNING THE COUNTRY IS NOT BRAIN SURGERY.

44. SURGERY. TRUST ME, I KNOW.

45. TRUST ME, I KNOW. NEXT, CARLY FIORINA.

46. NEXT, CARLY FIORINA. I LIKE CARLY.

47. NEXT, CARLY FIORINA. I LIKE CARLY. SHE'S GOT GUTS.

48. I LIKE CARLY. SHE'S GOT GUTS. SHE GOT FIRED FROM HER JOB.

49. SHE'S GOT GUTS. SHE GOT FIRED FROM HER JOB. SHE GOT HER BUTT KICKED IN A

50. SHE GOT FIRED FROM HER JOB. SHE GOT HER BUTT KICKED IN A SENATE RACE.

51. SHE GOT HER BUTT KICKED IN A SENATE RACE. SHE'S NOT QUALIFIED IN ANY WAY

52. SENATE RACE. SHE'S NOT QUALIFIED IN ANY WAY TO BE PRESIDENT.

53. SHE'S NOT QUALIFIED IN ANY WAY TO BE PRESIDENT.

54. TO BE PRESIDENT. IN MANY WAYS, SHE REMINDS ME OF

55. IN MANY WAYS, SHE REMINDS ME OF ME.

56. IN MANY WAYS, SHE REMINDS ME OF ME.

57. ME. BUT SHE ISN'T ME.

58. BUT SHE ISN'T ME. I AM ME.

59. BUT SHE ISN'T ME. I AM ME. NEXT.

60. I AM ME. NEXT. CRUZ AND RUBIO.

61. NEXT. CRUZ AND RUBIO. YEAH.

62. CRUZ AND RUBIO. YEAH. RUBIO AND CRUZ.

63. YEAH. RUBIO AND CRUZ. SOUNDS LIKE A MIAMI LAW FIRM.

64. RUBIO AND CRUZ. SOUNDS LIKE A MIAMI LAW FIRM.

65. SOUNDS LIKE A MIAMI LAW FIRM. IF YOU'VE BEEN INJURED ON THE

66. IF YOU'VE BEEN INJURED ON THE JOB, CALL RUBIO AND CRUZ.

67. IF YOU'VE BEEN INJURED ON THE JOB, CALL RUBIO AND CRUZ.

68. JOB, CALL RUBIO AND CRUZ.

69. THESE TWO GUYS, THEY'RE SONS

70. THESE TWO GUYS, THEY'RE SONS OF IMMIGRANTS, AND THEY HATE

71. THESE TWO GUYS, THEY'RE SONS OF IMMIGRANTS, AND THEY HATE IMMIGRANTS.

72. OF IMMIGRANTS, AND THEY HATE IMMIGRANTS.

73. IMMIGRANTS. I, FOR ONE, LIKE THE MEXICAN

74. I, FOR ONE, LIKE THE MEXICAN PEOPLE.

75. I, FOR ONE, LIKE THE MEXICAN PEOPLE. THEY ARE MY AMIGOS.

76. PEOPLE. THEY ARE MY AMIGOS.

77. THEY ARE MY AMIGOS. TEX-MEX IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF

78. TEX-MEX IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF FOOD.

79. TEX-MEX IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF FOOD.

80. FOOD. I ENJOY THE SLOW-ROASTED

81. I ENJOY THE SLOW-ROASTED CARNITAS AT CHEVY'S.

82. I ENJOY THE SLOW-ROASTED CARNITAS AT CHEVY'S. LAURA ALWAYS ORDERS THE BAJA

83. CARNITAS AT CHEVY'S. LAURA ALWAYS ORDERS THE BAJA SAMPLE WITH THE BLUE CRAB

84. LAURA ALWAYS ORDERS THE BAJA SAMPLE WITH THE BLUE CRAB ENCHILADAS.

85. SAMPLE WITH THE BLUE CRAB ENCHILADAS.

86. ENCHILADAS. THE WAY I SEE IT, UNLESS YOUR

87. THE WAY I SEE IT, UNLESS YOUR NAME IS RUNNING BEAR OR CHIEF

88. THE WAY I SEE IT, UNLESS YOUR NAME IS RUNNING BEAR OR CHIEF TWO RIVERS, WE'RE ALL ANCHOR

89. NAME IS RUNNING BEAR OR CHIEF TWO RIVERS, WE'RE ALL ANCHOR BABIES.

90. TWO RIVERS, WE'RE ALL ANCHOR BABIES. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

91. BABIES. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

92. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. THEN YOU GOT THIS KNUCKLEHEAD.

93. THEN YOU GOT THIS KNUCKLEHEAD. WITH THE HAIR AND THE

94. WITH THE HAIR AND THE HUNDRED-FOOT-WALL, BRING THAT

95. WITH THE HAIR AND THE HUNDRED-FOOT-WALL, BRING THAT PICTURE BACK.

96. HUNDRED-FOOT-WALL, BRING THAT PICTURE BACK.

97. PICTURE BACK. I TELL YOU, WHEN I GET IN A BAD

98. I TELL YOU, WHEN I GET IN A BAD MOOD, I JUST PICTURE HIS BIG FAT

99. I TELL YOU, WHEN I GET IN A BAD MOOD, I JUST PICTURE HIS BIG FAT ORANGE OOMPA-LOOMPA FACE AND I

100. MOOD, I JUST PICTURE HIS BIG FAT ORANGE OOMPA-LOOMPA FACE AND I JUST PISS MY PANTS.

101. ORANGE OOMPA-LOOMPA FACE AND I JUST PISS MY PANTS.

102. JUST PISS MY PANTS. AND NOW HE SAYS HE WANTS TO KEEP

103. AND NOW HE SAYS HE WANTS TO KEEP ALL THE MUSLIMS OUT.

104. AND NOW HE SAYS HE WANTS TO KEEP ALL THE MUSLIMS OUT. YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

105. ALL THE MUSLIMS OUT. YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMPLEMENT

106. YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMPLEMENT AND NOT WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS

107. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMPLEMENT AND NOT WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS ABOUT.

108. AND NOT WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS ABOUT. HECK, THAT'S LIKE SAYING LET'S

109. ABOUT. HECK, THAT'S LIKE SAYING LET'S KEEP ALL THE LEPRECHAUNS OUT.

110. HECK, THAT'S LIKE SAYING LET'S KEEP ALL THE LEPRECHAUNS OUT.

111. KEEP ALL THE LEPRECHAUNS OUT. AND IF YOU RECALL, WE TRIED

112. AND IF YOU RECALL, WE TRIED LEPRECHAUN INTERMENT CAMPS IN

113. AND IF YOU RECALL, WE TRIED LEPRECHAUN INTERMENT CAMPS IN THE LATE 1920s.

114. LEPRECHAUN INTERMENT CAMPS IN THE LATE 1920s. AND AS YOU ALL KNOW IT TOTALLY

115. THE LATE 1920s. AND AS YOU ALL KNOW IT TOTALLY BACKFIRED.

116. AND AS YOU ALL KNOW IT TOTALLY BACKFIRED. LEPRECHAUN RELATIONS HAVE NEVER

117. BACKFIRED. LEPRECHAUN RELATIONS HAVE NEVER RECOVERED SINCE.

118. LEPRECHAUN RELATIONS HAVE NEVER RECOVERED SINCE. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO HARD TO

119. RECOVERED SINCE. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO HARD TO FIND.

120. THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO HARD TO FIND.

121. FIND. SERIOUSLY, WHEN WAS THE LAST

122. SERIOUSLY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU RAN INTO A LEPRECHAUN?

123. SERIOUSLY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU RAN INTO A LEPRECHAUN? SO I SAY NO THANKS TO

124. TIME YOU RAN INTO A LEPRECHAUN? SO I SAY NO THANKS TO DONALD TRUMP.

125. SO I SAY NO THANKS TO DONALD TRUMP. NEXT, JEB.

126. DONALD TRUMP. NEXT, JEB. OH, BOY.

127. NEXT, JEB. OH, BOY. POOR JEB.

128. OH, BOY. POOR JEB. YOU GOT TO ADMIT IT'S A PRETTY

129. POOR JEB. YOU GOT TO ADMIT IT'S A PRETTY GOOD PLOT TWIST THAT I TURNED

130. YOU GOT TO ADMIT IT'S A PRETTY GOOD PLOT TWIST THAT I TURNED OUT TO BE THE SMART ONE.

131. GOOD PLOT TWIST THAT I TURNED OUT TO BE THE SMART ONE.

132. OUT TO BE THE SMART ONE. AND, OF COURSE, I WISH HE WOULD

133. AND, OF COURSE, I WISH HE WOULD HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT THE

134. AND, OF COURSE, I WISH HE WOULD HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT THE EXCLAMATION POINT ON THE END OF

135. HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT THE EXCLAMATION POINT ON THE END OF HIS NAME.

136. EXCLAMATION POINT ON THE END OF HIS NAME. LOOK, I DON'T LIKE THE TASTE OF

137. HIS NAME. LOOK, I DON'T LIKE THE TASTE OF BROCCOLI, BUT IT DOESN'T GET ANY

138. LOOK, I DON'T LIKE THE TASTE OF BROCCOLI, BUT IT DOESN'T GET ANY TASTIER IF YOU CALL IT BROCCOLI!

139. BROCCOLI, BUT IT DOESN'T GET ANY TASTIER IF YOU CALL IT BROCCOLI!

140. TASTIER IF YOU CALL IT BROCCOLI! HE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE IN

141. HE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE IN THIS FIELD.

142. HE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE IN THIS FIELD. HE'S AN INSIDER WHO KNOWS HOW TO

143. THIS FIELD. HE'S AN INSIDER WHO KNOWS HOW TO GOVERN.

144. HE'S AN INSIDER WHO KNOWS HOW TO GOVERN. THE REPUBLICAN VOTERS DON'T WANT

145. GOVERN. THE REPUBLICAN VOTERS DON'T WANT THAT.

146. THE REPUBLICAN VOTERS DON'T WANT THAT. THEY WANT SOMEONE WHO IS CUCKOO

147. THAT. THEY WANT SOMEONE WHO IS CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS.

148. THEY WANT SOMEONE WHO IS CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS.

149. FOR COCOA PUFFS. BUT RUNNING A GOVERNMENT IS KIND

150. BUT RUNNING A GOVERNMENT IS KIND OF LIKE DRIVING A SCHOOL BUS.

151. BUT RUNNING A GOVERNMENT IS KIND OF LIKE DRIVING A SCHOOL BUS. I MEAN YOU DON'T WANT A CRAZY

152. OF LIKE DRIVING A SCHOOL BUS. I MEAN YOU DON'T WANT A CRAZY PERSON DRIVING THAT BUS.

153. I MEAN YOU DON'T WANT A CRAZY PERSON DRIVING THAT BUS. YOU WANT A SIMPLE,

154. PERSON DRIVING THAT BUS. YOU WANT A SIMPLE, UNDERACHIEVING, NOT VERY

155. YOU WANT A SIMPLE, UNDERACHIEVING, NOT VERY EDUCATED BUT RELIABLE GUY BEHIND

156. UNDERACHIEVING, NOT VERY EDUCATED BUT RELIABLE GUY BEHIND THAT WHEEL.

157. EDUCATED BUT RELIABLE GUY BEHIND THAT WHEEL. SOMEONE WITH A STEADY HAND WHO

158. THAT WHEEL. SOMEONE WITH A STEADY HAND WHO WILL BE ON TIME AND GET INTO ONE

159. SOMEONE WITH A STEADY HAND WHO WILL BE ON TIME AND GET INTO ONE OR TWO BUT NO MORE THAN FOUR

160. WILL BE ON TIME AND GET INTO ONE OR TWO BUT NO MORE THAN FOUR ACCIDENTS A YEAR.

161. OR TWO BUT NO MORE THAN FOUR ACCIDENTS A YEAR.

162. ACCIDENTS A YEAR. YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT SOMEONE,

163. YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT SOMEONE, AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME.

164. YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT SOMEONE, AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

165. AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE WHITE HOUSE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

166. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE WHITE HOUSE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

167. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

168. IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE!" WITH VANESSA BAYER.

169. NIGHT LIVE!" WITH VANESSA BAYER. BECK BENNETT.

170. WITH VANESSA BAYER. BECK BENNETT. AIDY BRYANT.

171. BECK BENNETT. AIDY BRYANT. COLIN JOST.

172. AIDY BRYANT. COLIN JOST. TARAN KILLAM.

173. COLIN JOST. TARAN KILLAM. KATE McKINNON.

174. TARAN KILLAM. KATE McKINNON. KYLE MOONEY.

175. KATE McKINNON. KYLE MOONEY. BOBBY MOYNIHAN.

176. KYLE MOONEY. BOBBY MOYNIHAN. JAY PHARAOH.

177. BOBBY MOYNIHAN. JAY PHARAOH. CECILY STRONG.

178. JAY PHARAOH. CECILY STRONG. KENAN THOMPSON.

179. CECILY STRONG. KENAN THOMPSON. SASHEER ZAMATA.

180. KENAN THOMPSON. SASHEER ZAMATA. FEATURING MICHAEL CHE.

181. SASHEER ZAMATA. FEATURING MICHAEL CHE. PETE DAVIDSON.

182. FEATURING MICHAEL CHE. PETE DAVIDSON. LESLIE JONES.

183. PETE DAVIDSON. LESLIE JONES. JON RUDNITSKY.

184. LESLIE JONES. JON RUDNITSKY. MUSICAL GUEST CHANCE THE RAPPER.

185. JON RUDNITSKY. MUSICAL GUEST CHANCE THE RAPPER. AND YOUR HOST, CHRIS HEMSWORTH!

186. MUSICAL GUEST CHANCE THE RAPPER. AND YOUR HOST, CHRIS HEMSWORTH! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

187. AND YOUR HOST, CHRIS HEMSWORTH! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHRIS HEMSWORTH!

188. CHRIS HEMSWORTH!

189. > THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.

190. > THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

191. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HELLO, EVERYBODY.

192. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HELLO, EVERYBODY. IT IS FANTASTIC TO BE BACK

193. HELLO, EVERYBODY. IT IS FANTASTIC TO BE BACK HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

194. IT IS FANTASTIC TO BE BACK HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." IT'S MY SECOND TIME HERE.

195. HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." IT'S MY SECOND TIME HERE. THE FIRST TIME I HOSTED WAS A

196. IT'S MY SECOND TIME HERE. THE FIRST TIME I HOSTED WAS A WHILE AGO.

197. THE FIRST TIME I HOSTED WAS A WHILE AGO. IN FACT, I THINK WE HAVE A

198. WHILE AGO. IN FACT, I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE OF THAT EXPERIENCE.

199. IN FACT, I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE OF THAT EXPERIENCE. LOOK AT THAT.

200. PICTURE OF THAT EXPERIENCE. LOOK AT THAT.

201. LOOK AT THAT. OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I WEARING?

202. OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I WEARING? LOOK AT THAT KID.

203. LOOK AT THAT KID. CATCH UP PUBERTY.

204. LOOK AT THAT KID. CATCH UP PUBERTY.

205. CATCH UP PUBERTY. I MEAN, I REALLY FEEL

206. I MEAN, I REALLY FEEL AT HOME THIS TIME.

207. I MEAN, I REALLY FEEL AT HOME THIS TIME. I'VE BEEN WRESTLING WITH A CAR

208. AT HOME THIS TIME. I'VE BEEN WRESTLING WITH A CAR ALL WEEK.

209. I'VE BEEN WRESTLING WITH A CAR ALL WEEK. I'M BONDING WITH THE CAST.

210. ALL WEEK. I'M BONDING WITH THE CAST. LOVE THE JOKING AROUND.

211. I'M BONDING WITH THE CAST. LOVE THE JOKING AROUND. PETE, MY MAN.

212. LOVE THE JOKING AROUND. PETE, MY MAN. WHAT'S UP, BUDDY.

213. PETE, MY MAN. WHAT'S UP, BUDDY. HEY!

214. WHAT'S UP, BUDDY. HEY! WOW.

215. HEY! WOW. WOW.

216. WOW. WOW. HE LOVES IT WHEN I DO THAT.

217. WOW. HE LOVES IT WHEN I DO THAT. I DON'T!

218. HE LOVES IT WHEN I DO THAT. I DON'T! BOBBY, BOBBY, MY MAN.

219. I DON'T! BOBBY, BOBBY, MY MAN. TOO HARD, TOO HARD!

220. BOBBY, BOBBY, MY MAN. TOO HARD, TOO HARD! I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF HAIR.

221. TOO HARD, TOO HARD! I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF HAIR. YOU CAN HAVE THAT BACK.

222. I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF HAIR. YOU CAN HAVE THAT BACK. ANY SKETCHES WITH SANTA CLAUS IN

223. YOU CAN HAVE THAT BACK. ANY SKETCHES WITH SANTA CLAUS IN THEM?

224. ANY SKETCHES WITH SANTA CLAUS IN THEM? ALL OF THEM.

225. THEM? ALL OF THEM. GIVE ME AN APPLE.

226. ALL OF THEM. GIVE ME AN APPLE. HEY, BECKY BOY!

227. GIVE ME AN APPLE. HEY, BECKY BOY! WE'VE BEEN DOING THAT ALL NIGHT.

228. HEY, BECKY BOY! WE'VE BEEN DOING THAT ALL NIGHT. JUST HANGING AROUND CHRIS' BIG

229. WE'VE BEEN DOING THAT ALL NIGHT. JUST HANGING AROUND CHRIS' BIG HOUSE.

230. JUST HANGING AROUND CHRIS' BIG HOUSE. HEY, MAN, HOW'S THE WRIST?

231. HOUSE. HEY, MAN, HOW'S THE WRIST? YOU FRACTURED IT.

232. HEY, MAN, HOW'S THE WRIST? YOU FRACTURED IT. SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUDDY.

233. YOU FRACTURED IT. SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUDDY. I HEAR YOU GOT YOURSELF TWO

234. SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUDDY. I HEAR YOU GOT YOURSELF TWO ACRES.

235. I HEAR YOU GOT YOURSELF TWO ACRES. NO, I DON'T.

236. ACRES. NO, I DON'T. YOU SURE?

237. NO, I DON'T. YOU SURE? YOU'RE GORGEOUS.

238. YOU SURE? YOU'RE GORGEOUS. THE GHOST OF SNL PAST.

239. YOU'RE GORGEOUS. THE GHOST OF SNL PAST. THERE WE GO.

240. THE GHOST OF SNL PAST. THERE WE GO. WHO IS THAT GUY?

241. THERE WE GO. WHO IS THAT GUY? IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THEY

242. WHO IS THAT GUY? IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THEY WOULD TELL A COUPLE STORIES, I

243. IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THEY WOULD TELL A COUPLE STORIES, I TELL YOU.

244. WOULD TELL A COUPLE STORIES, I TELL YOU. ABSOLUTELY LJ.

245. TELL YOU. ABSOLUTELY LJ. IF YOU TOUCH ME, I WILL BEAT

246. ABSOLUTELY LJ. IF YOU TOUCH ME, I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS.

247. IF YOU TOUCH ME, I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS.

248. YOUR ASS. WASN'T GOING TO.

249. WASN'T GOING TO. WASN'T GOING TO TOUCH YOU.

250. WASN'T GOING TO. WASN'T GOING TO TOUCH YOU. SO MUCH FUN.

251. WASN'T GOING TO TOUCH YOU. SO MUCH FUN.

252. SO MUCH FUN. IT'S TOO MUCH, BUDDY!

253. IT'S TOO MUCH, BUDDY! YOU NEEDED THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

254. IT'S TOO MUCH, BUDDY! YOU NEEDED THAT, DIDN'T YOU? YEAH YOU DID.

255. YOU NEEDED THAT, DIDN'T YOU? YEAH YOU DID. VANESSA, ARE YOU IN THERE?

256. YEAH YOU DID. VANESSA, ARE YOU IN THERE? YEAH, I'M CHANGING.

257. VANESSA, ARE YOU IN THERE? YEAH, I'M CHANGING. I GOT YOU THAT WATER YOU

258. YEAH, I'M CHANGING. I GOT YOU THAT WATER YOU ASKED FOR.

259. I GOT YOU THAT WATER YOU ASKED FOR. OH, THANK YOU.

260. ASKED FOR. OH, THANK YOU. JUST LEAVE IT.

261. OH, THANK YOU. JUST LEAVE IT. OH, MY GOD!

262. JUST LEAVE IT. OH, MY GOD! CHRIS, I HATE YOU!

263. OH, MY GOD! CHRIS, I HATE YOU! YOU NEEDED THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

264. CHRIS, I HATE YOU! YOU NEEDED THAT, DIDN'T YOU? YEAH, I KNOW.

265. YOU NEEDED THAT, DIDN'T YOU? YEAH, I KNOW. WHAT ELSE WE'VE GOT?

266. YEAH, I KNOW. WHAT ELSE WE'VE GOT? LET'S WRAP IT UP.

267. WHAT ELSE WE'VE GOT? LET'S WRAP IT UP. LET'S GO HOME.

268. LET'S WRAP IT UP. LET'S GO HOME. COME WITH ME.

269. LET'S GO HOME. COME WITH ME. COME DOWN ALL THE WAY HERE, YOU

270. COME WITH ME. COME DOWN ALL THE WAY HERE, YOU SAY OPEN SESAME.

271. COME DOWN ALL THE WAY HERE, YOU SAY OPEN SESAME. THE DOOR USED TO SWING THIS WAY.

272. SAY OPEN SESAME. THE DOOR USED TO SWING THIS WAY. SOMEONE SWITCHED THAT, DIDN'T

273. THE DOOR USED TO SWING THIS WAY. SOMEONE SWITCHED THAT, DIDN'T THEY?

274. SOMEONE SWITCHED THAT, DIDN'T THEY? THE JOKE'S ON ME.

275. THEY? THE JOKE'S ON ME. I GET IT.

276. THE JOKE'S ON ME. I GET IT. COLIN, WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

277. I GET IT. COLIN, WHAT YOU GOT THERE? SOMETHING INTERESTING?

278. COLIN, WHAT YOU GOT THERE? SOMETHING INTERESTING? HEY, NERD!

279. SOMETHING INTERESTING? HEY, NERD! I'M BACK HOME.

280. HEY, NERD! I'M BACK HOME. VERY EXCITED TO BE BACK HERE.

281. I'M BACK HOME. VERY EXCITED TO BE BACK HERE. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.

282. VERY EXCITED TO BE BACK HERE. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. WE HAVE CHANCE THE RAPPER HERE.

283. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. WE HAVE CHANCE THE RAPPER HERE.

284. WE HAVE CHANCE THE RAPPER HERE. STICK AROUND.

285. STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

286. THE FORCE AWAKENS" TOYS AND ACTION FIGURES ARE HERE!

287. AWAKENS" TOYS AND ACTION FIGURES ARE HERE! COOL!

288. ARE HERE! COOL! ARE YOU READY TO BRING THE

289. COOL! ARE YOU READY TO BRING THE ADVENTURE OF THE STAR WARS

290. ARE YOU READY TO BRING THE ADVENTURE OF THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE INTO YOUR HOME?

291. ADVENTURE OF THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE INTO YOUR HOME? THE FORCE IS WITH US!

292. UNIVERSE INTO YOUR HOME? THE FORCE IS WITH US! AND US.

293. THE FORCE IS WITH US! AND US. YEAH, US TOO!

294. AND US. YEAH, US TOO! NEW ACTION FIGURES AND

295. YEAH, US TOO! NEW ACTION FIGURES AND PLAYSETS FOR AGES 6 AND UP.

296. NEW ACTION FIGURES AND PLAYSETS FOR AGES 6 AND UP. WAY UP!

297. PLAYSETS FOR AGES 6 AND UP. WAY UP! THE EVIL KYLA REN.

298. WAY UP! THE EVIL KYLA REN. I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH MY

299. THE EVIL KYLA REN. I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH MY LIGHTSABRE.

300. I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH MY LIGHTSABRE. OR LEAVE IT IN THE BOX.

301. LIGHTSABRE. OR LEAVE IT IN THE BOX. STORM TROOPERS, ATTACK!

302. OR LEAVE IT IN THE BOX. STORM TROOPERS, ATTACK! OR LEAVE THEM IN THE BOX AND

303. STORM TROOPERS, ATTACK! OR LEAVE THEM IN THE BOX AND NEVER TOUCH THEM.

304. OR LEAVE THEM IN THE BOX AND NEVER TOUCH THEM. ALL YOUR FAVORITE STAR WARS

305. NEVER TOUCH THEM. ALL YOUR FAVORITE STAR WARS HEROES AND VILLAINS.

306. ALL YOUR FAVORITE STAR WARS HEROES AND VILLAINS. I HAVE RAY AND FINN.

307. HEROES AND VILLAINS. I HAVE RAY AND FINN. I HAVE THREE OF EACH.

308. I HAVE RAY AND FINN. I HAVE THREE OF EACH. ONE TO DISPLAY, ONE TO OPEN AND

309. I HAVE THREE OF EACH. ONE TO DISPLAY, ONE TO OPEN AND ONE JUST IN CASE.

310. ONE TO DISPLAY, ONE TO OPEN AND ONE JUST IN CASE. WHY?

311. ONE JUST IN CASE. WHY? NONSTOP STAR WARS ACTION,

312. WHY? NONSTOP STAR WARS ACTION, LIKE CHEWBACCA WITH CLIP ON

313. NONSTOP STAR WARS ACTION, LIKE CHEWBACCA WITH CLIP ON FORREST ARMOR.

314. LIKE CHEWBACCA WITH CLIP ON FORREST ARMOR. TIME TO SUIT UP.

315. FORREST ARMOR. TIME TO SUIT UP. OR JUST LOOK AT IT.

316. TIME TO SUIT UP. OR JUST LOOK AT IT. RADICAL!

317. OR JUST LOOK AT IT. RADICAL! LAUNCH INTO HYPER SPACE WITH

318. RADICAL! LAUNCH INTO HYPER SPACE WITH BATTLE ACTION MILLENNIUM FALCON

319. LAUNCH INTO HYPER SPACE WITH BATTLE ACTION MILLENNIUM FALCON WITH REAL MOVIE SOUNDS.

320. BATTLE ACTION MILLENNIUM FALCON WITH REAL MOVIE SOUNDS. IT'S COMPLETELY MOVIE

321. WITH REAL MOVIE SOUNDS. IT'S COMPLETELY MOVIE ACCURATE!

322. IT'S COMPLETELY MOVIE ACCURATE! NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

323. ACCURATE! NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S NOT HOW IT LANDS.

324. NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S NOT HOW IT LANDS. IT GOES —

325. THAT'S NOT HOW IT LANDS. IT GOES — YOU CONTROL THE FORCE.

326. IT GOES — YOU CONTROL THE FORCE. YOU CONTROL THE ACTION.

327. YOU CONTROL THE FORCE. YOU CONTROL THE ACTION. THEY DON'T FIGHT LIKE THAT.

328. YOU CONTROL THE ACTION. THEY DON'T FIGHT LIKE THAT. YEAH, JUST LIKE DOUG VADER.

329. THEY DON'T FIGHT LIKE THAT. YEAH, JUST LIKE DOUG VADER. DOUG VADER?

330. YEAH, JUST LIKE DOUG VADER. DOUG VADER? THE POWER IS IN YOUR HANDS.

331. DOUG VADER? THE POWER IS IN YOUR HANDS. DOES YOUR WIFE LIKE TOYS,

332. THE POWER IS IN YOUR HANDS. DOES YOUR WIFE LIKE TOYS, TOO?

333. TOO? COLLECT THEM ALL AND THE FUN

334. COLLECT THEM ALL AND THE FUN NEVER STOPS! AWESOME!

335. NEVER STOPS! AWESOME!

336. AWESOME! "STAR WARS: THE FORCE

337. "STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS" ACTION FIGURES.

338. "STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS" ACTION FIGURES. EACH SOLD SEPARATELY.

339. AWAKENS" ACTION FIGURES. EACH SOLD SEPARATELY. FOR CHILDREN AND ADULT

340. EACH SOLD SEPARATELY. FOR CHILDREN AND ADULT COLLECTORS.

341. FOR CHILDREN AND ADULT COLLECTORS. "STAR WARS!"

342. COLLECTORS. "STAR WARS!" MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

343. "STAR WARS!" MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

344. > YOU'RE WATCHING "ON THE RECORD" WITH GRETA VAN SUSTERN. GOOD EVENING, I'M GRETA VAN

345. RECORD" WITH GRETA VAN SUSTERN. GOOD EVENING, I'M GRETA VAN SUSTEREN.

346. GOOD EVENING, I'M GRETA VAN SUSTEREN. NOW, I'M JUST GONNA TRY THIS

347. SUSTEREN. NOW, I'M JUST GONNA TRY THIS AGAIN.

348. NOW, I'M JUST GONNA TRY THIS AGAIN. SHE SELLS SEASHELLS BY THE

349. AGAIN. SHE SELLS SEASHELLS BY THE SEA —

350. SHE SELLS SEASHELLS BY THE SEA — I CAN'T DO IT.

351. SEA — I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DO IT.

352. I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DO IT. TONIGHT, DONALD TRUMP HAS

353. I CAN'T DO IT. TONIGHT, DONALD TRUMP HAS DOUBLED DOWN ON HIS PROPOSAL TO

354. TONIGHT, DONALD TRUMP HAS DOUBLED DOWN ON HIS PROPOSAL TO BAN ALL MUSLIMS FROM ENTERING

355. DOUBLED DOWN ON HIS PROPOSAL TO BAN ALL MUSLIMS FROM ENTERING AMERICA AND SOME ARE CRITICIZING

356. BAN ALL MUSLIMS FROM ENTERING AMERICA AND SOME ARE CRITICIZING THE OTHER GOP CANDIDATES FOR NOT

357. AMERICA AND SOME ARE CRITICIZING THE OTHER GOP CANDIDATES FOR NOT CONDEMNING HIS COMMENTS MORE

358. THE OTHER GOP CANDIDATES FOR NOT CONDEMNING HIS COMMENTS MORE STRONGLY.

359. CONDEMNING HIS COMMENTS MORE STRONGLY. JOINING ME FIRST IN THE STUDIO,

360. STRONGLY. JOINING ME FIRST IN THE STUDIO, SENATOR TED CRUZ.

361. JOINING ME FIRST IN THE STUDIO, SENATOR TED CRUZ. HELLO, GRETA.

362. SENATOR TED CRUZ. HELLO, GRETA. A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED TO SAY

363. HELLO, GRETA. A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED TO SAY HELLO TO YOU.

364. A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED TO SAY HELLO TO YOU. I THINK YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM.

365. HELLO TO YOU. I THINK YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM. HE'S THE U.S. CONSTITUTION.

366. I THINK YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM. HE'S THE U.S. CONSTITUTION. YEAH, OKAY, SENATOR.

367. HE'S THE U.S. CONSTITUTION. YEAH, OKAY, SENATOR. A LOT OF GOP CANDIDATES AGREE

368. YEAH, OKAY, SENATOR. A LOT OF GOP CANDIDATES AGREE WITH TRUMP, SO WILL YOU GO ON

369. A LOT OF GOP CANDIDATES AGREE WITH TRUMP, SO WILL YOU GO ON THE RECORD AND AGREE WITH TRUMP

370. WITH TRUMP, SO WILL YOU GO ON THE RECORD AND AGREE WITH TRUMP ALSO?

371. THE RECORD AND AGREE WITH TRUMP ALSO? GRETA, I'M NOT AFRAID TO TAKE

372. ALSO? GRETA, I'M NOT AFRAID TO TAKE A STAND ON THIS.

373. GRETA, I'M NOT AFRAID TO TAKE A STAND ON THIS. WHEN I HEARD DONALD TRUMP'S

374. A STAND ON THIS. WHEN I HEARD DONALD TRUMP'S COMMENTS ON MUSLIMS, I SAID,

375. WHEN I HEARD DONALD TRUMP'S COMMENTS ON MUSLIMS, I SAID, "WOW."

376. COMMENTS ON MUSLIMS, I SAID, "WOW." WOW LIKE "THAT'S CRAZY," OR

377. "WOW." WOW LIKE "THAT'S CRAZY," OR WOW LIKE, "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA"?

378. WOW LIKE "THAT'S CRAZY," OR WOW LIKE, "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA"? EXACTLY.

379. WOW LIKE, "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA"? EXACTLY. SENATOR CRUZ, DO YOU SUPPORT A

380. EXACTLY. SENATOR CRUZ, DO YOU SUPPORT A BAN ON MUSLIMS, YES OR NO?

381. SENATOR CRUZ, DO YOU SUPPORT A BAN ON MUSLIMS, YES OR NO? PUT SIMPLY, NYES.

382. BAN ON MUSLIMS, YES OR NO? PUT SIMPLY, NYES.

383. PUT SIMPLY, NYES. NYES?

384. NYES? I'M SORRY, IS THAT A NO OR A

385. NYES? I'M SORRY, IS THAT A NO OR A YES?

386. I'M SORRY, IS THAT A NO OR A YES? IT IS, INDEED.

387. YES? IT IS, INDEED. OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO COME

388. IT IS, INDEED. OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO COME BACK TO YOU.

389. OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO COME BACK TO YOU. JOINING US NOW VIA SATELLITE IS

390. BACK TO YOU. JOINING US NOW VIA SATELLITE IS GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE.

391. JOINING US NOW VIA SATELLITE IS GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE. HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

392. GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE. HEY, HOW YOU DOING? SO GOVERNOR CHRISTIE, YOUR

393. HEY, HOW YOU DOING? SO GOVERNOR CHRISTIE, YOUR REACTION?

394. SO GOVERNOR CHRISTIE, YOUR REACTION? ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

395. REACTION? ALL RIGHT, LOOK. THIS TRUMP GUY IS A CLOWN, OKAY?

396. ALL RIGHT, LOOK. THIS TRUMP GUY IS A CLOWN, OKAY? HE'S A TOTAL JOKE.

397. THIS TRUMP GUY IS A CLOWN, OKAY? HE'S A TOTAL JOKE. THE LAST THING ANYONE WANTS IS

398. HE'S A TOTAL JOKE. THE LAST THING ANYONE WANTS IS SOME LOUD-MOUTH BULLY FROM THE

399. THE LAST THING ANYONE WANTS IS SOME LOUD-MOUTH BULLY FROM THE TRI-STATE AREA WHO HURLS INSULTS

400. SOME LOUD-MOUTH BULLY FROM THE TRI-STATE AREA WHO HURLS INSULTS AT PEOPLE LIKE A FATHEAD

401. TRI-STATE AREA WHO HURLS INSULTS AT PEOPLE LIKE A FATHEAD JABRONI.

402. AT PEOPLE LIKE A FATHEAD JABRONI. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HIM OR

403. JABRONI. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HIM OR YOU?

404. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HIM OR YOU? GRETA, LOOK, I WANT TO MAKE A

405. YOU? GRETA, LOOK, I WANT TO MAKE A VERY CLEAR DISTINCTION.

406. GRETA, LOOK, I WANT TO MAKE A VERY CLEAR DISTINCTION. WHEN MR. TRUMP INSULTS MUSLIMS,

407. VERY CLEAR DISTINCTION. WHEN MR. TRUMP INSULTS MUSLIMS, THOSE ARE NOT THE VALUES OF THE

408. WHEN MR. TRUMP INSULTS MUSLIMS, THOSE ARE NOT THE VALUES OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

409. THOSE ARE NOT THE VALUES OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. THEY'RE SIMPLY THE VALUES OF THE

410. REPUBLICAN PARTY. THEY'RE SIMPLY THE VALUES OF THE PEOPLE WHO VOTE FOR THE

411. THEY'RE SIMPLY THE VALUES OF THE PEOPLE WHO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

412. PEOPLE WHO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. SO IN THAT SENSE AND THAT SENSE

413. REPUBLICAN PARTY. SO IN THAT SENSE AND THAT SENSE ONLY, GO, TRUMP!

414. SO IN THAT SENSE AND THAT SENSE ONLY, GO, TRUMP! BUT YOU DON'T THINK WE SHOULD

415. ONLY, GO, TRUMP! BUT YOU DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BLOCK MUSLIMS FROM ENTERING?

416. BUT YOU DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BLOCK MUSLIMS FROM ENTERING? WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS BUILD A

417. BLOCK MUSLIMS FROM ENTERING? WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS BUILD A BRIDGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND

418. WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS BUILD A BRIDGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND AMERICANS.

419. BRIDGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS AND AMERICANS. OKAY?

420. AMERICANS. OKAY? BUT WE HAVE TO MAKE THAT BRIDGE

421. OKAY? BUT WE HAVE TO MAKE THAT BRIDGE REALLY HARD TO CROSS.

422. BUT WE HAVE TO MAKE THAT BRIDGE REALLY HARD TO CROSS. LIKE REALLY SLOW DOWN THE FLOW

423. REALLY HARD TO CROSS. LIKE REALLY SLOW DOWN THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC ON THE BRIDGE UNTIL

424. LIKE REALLY SLOW DOWN THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC ON THE BRIDGE UNTIL THAT SON OF A BITCH FROM FORT

425. OF TRAFFIC ON THE BRIDGE UNTIL THAT SON OF A BITCH FROM FORT LEE GETS THE MESSAGE.

426. THAT SON OF A BITCH FROM FORT LEE GETS THE MESSAGE.

427. LEE GETS THE MESSAGE. FINALLY, JOINING US FROM HIS

428. FINALLY, JOINING US FROM HIS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS IN

429. FINALLY, JOINING US FROM HIS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS IN VIRGINIA, DR. BEN CARSON.

430. CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS IN VIRGINIA, DR. BEN CARSON. HI, GRETA.

431. VIRGINIA, DR. BEN CARSON. HI, GRETA. HI.

432. HI, GRETA. HI. I JUST DRANK A RED BULL AND I

433. HI. I JUST DRANK A RED BULL AND I AM FIRED UP ABOUT THIS.

434. I JUST DRANK A RED BULL AND I AM FIRED UP ABOUT THIS. BUT FIRST, CAN I JUST ASK, WHAT

435. AM FIRED UP ABOUT THIS. BUT FIRST, CAN I JUST ASK, WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

436. BUT FIRST, CAN I JUST ASK, WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I DON'T KNOW.

437. HAPPENED TO ME? I DON'T KNOW. WHEN I LEFT FOR THE MIDDLE

438. I DON'T KNOW. WHEN I LEFT FOR THE MIDDLE EAST, I WAS TIED FOR NUMBER ONE

439. WHEN I LEFT FOR THE MIDDLE EAST, I WAS TIED FOR NUMBER ONE IN THE POLLS.

440. EAST, I WAS TIED FOR NUMBER ONE IN THE POLLS. WHEN I CAME BACK A WEEK LATER,

441. IN THE POLLS. WHEN I CAME BACK A WEEK LATER, EVERYONE HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME.

442. WHEN I CAME BACK A WEEK LATER, EVERYONE HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. I MEAN, MY CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS

443. EVERYONE HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. I MEAN, MY CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS GOT CLEARED OUT AND THEY'RE

444. I MEAN, MY CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS GOT CLEARED OUT AND THEY'RE TURNING IT INTO A WENDY'S.

445. GOT CLEARED OUT AND THEY'RE TURNING IT INTO A WENDY'S. DID I RIP VAN WINKLE MYSELF?

446. TURNING IT INTO A WENDY'S. DID I RIP VAN WINKLE MYSELF? HAVE I BEEN ASLEEP FOR YEARS?

447. DID I RIP VAN WINKLE MYSELF? HAVE I BEEN ASLEEP FOR YEARS? WELL, YOU HAVE FALLEN QUITE A

448. HAVE I BEEN ASLEEP FOR YEARS? WELL, YOU HAVE FALLEN QUITE A BIT IN THE POLLS AND IT SEEMS

449. WELL, YOU HAVE FALLEN QUITE A BIT IN THE POLLS AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOME ARE NOW QUESTIONING

450. BIT IN THE POLLS AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOME ARE NOW QUESTIONING YOUR FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE.

451. LIKE SOME ARE NOW QUESTIONING YOUR FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE. THAT'S WHY I WENT TO VISIT

452. YOUR FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE. THAT'S WHY I WENT TO VISIT THE LOVELY COUNTRY OF JORDACHE.

453. THAT'S WHY I WENT TO VISIT THE LOVELY COUNTRY OF JORDACHE. JORDAN.

454. THE LOVELY COUNTRY OF JORDACHE. JORDAN. I MEAN, I MET WITH THE

455. JORDAN. I MEAN, I MET WITH THE SHIITES AND THE HE-ITES.

456. I MEAN, I MET WITH THE SHIITES AND THE HE-ITES. THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

457. SHIITES AND THE HE-ITES. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. AND I TALKED ABOUT ALL THE

458. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. AND I TALKED ABOUT ALL THE RADICAL GROUPS.

459. AND I TALKED ABOUT ALL THE RADICAL GROUPS. HUMMUS.

460. RADICAL GROUPS. HUMMUS. NO.

461. HUMMUS. NO. ISIS.

462. NO. ISIS. NO.

463. ISIS. NO. EVEN AL GATOR.

464. NO. EVEN AL GATOR. OH, NO.

465. EVEN AL GATOR. OH, NO. SO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HIT

466. OH, NO. SO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HIT ISIS HEAD ON?

467. SO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HIT ISIS HEAD ON? THAT'S RIGHT.

468. ISIS HEAD ON? THAT'S RIGHT. HEAD ON.

469. THAT'S RIGHT. HEAD ON. WHICH IS ALSO THE FIRST RULE OF

470. HEAD ON. WHICH IS ALSO THE FIRST RULE OF BRAIN SURGERY.

471. WHICH IS ALSO THE FIRST RULE OF BRAIN SURGERY. ALWAYS LEAVE THE HEAD ON.

472. BRAIN SURGERY. ALWAYS LEAVE THE HEAD ON. WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE

473. ALWAYS LEAVE THE HEAD ON. WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE.

474. WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE. IT SEEMS LIKE NO ONE WAS WILLING

475. HAVE. IT SEEMS LIKE NO ONE WAS WILLING TO STAND UP TO MR. TRUMP AND

476. IT SEEMS LIKE NO ONE WAS WILLING TO STAND UP TO MR. TRUMP AND OFFER HIM FULL CONDEMNATION.

477. TO STAND UP TO MR. TRUMP AND OFFER HIM FULL CONDEMNATION. DID YOU SAY CONSTITUTION?

478. OFFER HIM FULL CONDEMNATION. DID YOU SAY CONSTITUTION? I SAID CONDEMNATION.

479. DID YOU SAY CONSTITUTION? I SAID CONDEMNATION. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,

480. I SAID CONDEMNATION. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, THIS IS NOT A CONDOM NATION.

481. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, THIS IS NOT A CONDOM NATION. THIS IS A CHRISTIAN NATION.

482. THIS IS NOT A CONDOM NATION. THIS IS A CHRISTIAN NATION. OH, MY GOD, MY SOUL HURTS.

483. THIS IS A CHRISTIAN NATION. OH, MY GOD, MY SOUL HURTS. FOR "ON THE RECORD," I'M GRETA

484. OH, MY GOD, MY SOUL HURTS. FOR "ON THE RECORD," I'M GRETA VAN SUSTEREN.

485. FOR "ON THE RECORD," I'M GRETA VAN SUSTEREN. VAN SUSTEREN.

486. VAN SUSTEREN. VAN SUSTEREN.

487. VAN SUSTEREN.

488. TWO-SEVEN.

489. TWO-SEVEN. REQUEST BACKUP!

490. TWO-SEVEN. REQUEST BACKUP! YOU CAN'T LET 'EM GET AWAY!

491. REQUEST BACKUP! YOU CAN'T LET 'EM GET AWAY! POLASKI, YOU'VE BEEN HIT.

492. YOU CAN'T LET 'EM GET AWAY! POLASKI, YOU'VE BEEN HIT. I'M FINE.

493. POLASKI, YOU'VE BEEN HIT. I'M FINE. BUT YOU'RE BLEEDING.

494. I'M FINE. BUT YOU'RE BLEEDING. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BLEED.

495. BUT YOU'RE BLEEDING. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BLEED. FINISH THEM.

496. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BLEED. FINISH THEM. I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE!

497. FINISH THEM. I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE! HEY, BABY.

498. I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE! HEY, BABY. TWO-SEVEN.

499. HEY, BABY. TWO-SEVEN. SUSPECT HAS BEEN SUBDUED.

500. TWO-SEVEN. SUSPECT HAS BEEN SUBDUED. TRANSLATION?

501. SUSPECT HAS BEEN SUBDUED. TRANSLATION? KNOCKED THE HELL OUT.

502. TRANSLATION? KNOCKED THE HELL OUT. OKAY, TOUGH GUY, LET'S GET

503. KNOCKED THE HELL OUT. OKAY, TOUGH GUY, LET'S GET YOU TO A DOCTOR.

504. OKAY, TOUGH GUY, LET'S GET YOU TO A DOCTOR. MAYBE YOU COULD KISS IT AND

505. YOU TO A DOCTOR. MAYBE YOU COULD KISS IT AND MAKE IT BETTER.

506. MAYBE YOU COULD KISS IT AND MAKE IT BETTER. FOR BRAVERY IN THE LINE OF

507. MAKE IT BETTER. FOR BRAVERY IN THE LINE OF DUTY, WE AWARD THIS MEDAL TO

508. FOR BRAVERY IN THE LINE OF DUTY, WE AWARD THIS MEDAL TO SERGEANT PETER POLASKI.

509. DUTY, WE AWARD THIS MEDAL TO SERGEANT PETER POLASKI. I DIDN'T KNOW THEY GAVE

510. SERGEANT PETER POLASKI. I DIDN'T KNOW THEY GAVE AWARDS TO STUBBORN SONS OF

511. I DIDN'T KNOW THEY GAVE AWARDS TO STUBBORN SONS OF BITCHES.

512. AWARDS TO STUBBORN SONS OF BITCHES. YEAH, I HANG THEM OVER MY

513. BITCHES. YEAH, I HANG THEM OVER MY BED.

514. YEAH, I HANG THEM OVER MY BED. YOU SHOULD COME SEE THEM

515. BED. YOU SHOULD COME SEE THEM SOMETIME.

516. YOU SHOULD COME SEE THEM SOMETIME. WHAT'S WRONG?

517. SOMETIME. WHAT'S WRONG? OH, MY GOD.

518. WHAT'S WRONG? OH, MY GOD. DID YOU NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL?

519. OH, MY GOD. DID YOU NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL? I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

520. DID YOU NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL? I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT. I'M FINE.

521. I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT. I'M FINE. WHAT?

522. I'M FINE. WHAT? POLASKI, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE

523. WHAT? POLASKI, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A TOUGH GUY ANYMORE.

524. POLASKI, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A TOUGH GUY ANYMORE. YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR.

525. A TOUGH GUY ANYMORE. YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR. I WILL.

526. YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR. I WILL. BUT FIRST I HAVE TO FINISH THIS

527. I WILL. BUT FIRST I HAVE TO FINISH THIS THING.

528. BUT FIRST I HAVE TO FINISH THIS THING. ALL THE WAY.

529. THING. ALL THE WAY.

530. ALL THE WAY. OKAY, THIS IS JUST STUPID.

531. OKAY, THIS IS JUST STUPID. IT'S THE JOB, OKAY?

532. OKAY, THIS IS JUST STUPID. IT'S THE JOB, OKAY? PAPERWORK IS THE JOB.

533. IT'S THE JOB, OKAY? PAPERWORK IS THE JOB. YOU'RE GETTING BLOOD

534. PAPERWORK IS THE JOB. YOU'RE GETTING BLOOD EVERYWHERE.

535. YOU'RE GETTING BLOOD EVERYWHERE. I KNOW ANOTHER PLACE WHERE

536. EVERYWHERE. I KNOW ANOTHER PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET BLOOD FROM IS MY

537. I KNOW ANOTHER PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET BLOOD FROM IS MY PENIS.

538. YOU CAN GET BLOOD FROM IS MY PENIS. THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

539. PENIS. THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. BAD NEWS.

540. THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. BAD NEWS. NEWMAN MADE BAIL.

541. BAD NEWS. NEWMAN MADE BAIL. GOD DAMMIT.

542. NEWMAN MADE BAIL. GOD DAMMIT. I GOT TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM.

543. GOD DAMMIT. I GOT TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM. YOU REALLY DON'T LOOK GOOD.

544. I GOT TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM. YOU REALLY DON'T LOOK GOOD. YEAH.

545. YOU REALLY DON'T LOOK GOOD. YEAH. MAYBE ON OPPOSITES DAY.

546. YEAH. MAYBE ON OPPOSITES DAY. I THINK YOU HAVE BLOOD

547. MAYBE ON OPPOSITES DAY. I THINK YOU HAVE BLOOD POISONING FROM THAT BULLET.

548. I THINK YOU HAVE BLOOD POISONING FROM THAT BULLET. I GOT A LITTLE BULLET.

549. POISONING FROM THAT BULLET. I GOT A LITTLE BULLET. MY PENIS.

550. I GOT A LITTLE BULLET. MY PENIS. LOOKS LIKE YOU FINALLY GOT

551. MY PENIS. LOOKS LIKE YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR WISH.

552. LOOKS LIKE YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR WISH. BAD NEWS, MR. POLASKI.

553. YOUR WISH. BAD NEWS, MR. POLASKI. I'M AFRAID YOUR INSURANCE

554. BAD NEWS, MR. POLASKI. I'M AFRAID YOUR INSURANCE DOESN'T COVER ELECTIVE

555. I'M AFRAID YOUR INSURANCE DOESN'T COVER ELECTIVE SURGERIES.

556. DOESN'T COVER ELECTIVE SURGERIES. I CAN'T GIVE YOU THOSE CALF

557. SURGERIES. I CAN'T GIVE YOU THOSE CALF IMPLANTS AFTER ALL.

558. I CAN'T GIVE YOU THOSE CALF IMPLANTS AFTER ALL. I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN.

559. IMPLANTS AFTER ALL. I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN. WHAT?

560. I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN. WHAT? NO, HE'S HERE 'CAUSE HE GOT

561. WHAT? NO, HE'S HERE 'CAUSE HE GOT SHOT.

562. NO, HE'S HERE 'CAUSE HE GOT SHOT. NOT WHAT HE TOLD ME.

563. SHOT. NOT WHAT HE TOLD ME. DON'T LISTEN TO HER, SHE'S

564. NOT WHAT HE TOLD ME. DON'T LISTEN TO HER, SHE'S JOKING.

565. DON'T LISTEN TO HER, SHE'S JOKING. NO!

566. JOKING. NO! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

567. NO! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? DAMN IT, POLASKI, YOU NEED TO

568. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? DAMN IT, POLASKI, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

569. DAMN IT, POLASKI, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD

570. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD BEAT ME, POLICEMAN?

571. YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD BEAT ME, POLICEMAN? DON'T SHOOT, POLASKI.

572. BEAT ME, POLICEMAN? DON'T SHOOT, POLASKI. YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SHOT.

573. DON'T SHOOT, POLASKI. YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SHOT.

574. YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SHOT. TELL ME THAT TOMORROW WHEN

575. TELL ME THAT TOMORROW WHEN YOU'RE MAKING ME BREAKFAST.

576. TELL ME THAT TOMORROW WHEN YOU'RE MAKING ME BREAKFAST. ARE YOU SAYING BREAKFAST?

577. YOU'RE MAKING ME BREAKFAST. ARE YOU SAYING BREAKFAST?

578. ARE YOU SAYING BREAKFAST? WOO HOO!

579. WOO HOO! NICE SHOT, POLASKI.

580. NICE SHOT, POLASKI. LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOUR

581. LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOUR CHRISTMAS WISH AFTER ALL. OH, HE'S DEAD.

582. CHRISTMAS WISH AFTER ALL. OH, HE'S DEAD.

583. OH, HE'S DEAD.

584. > YOU'RE WATCHING THE DISNEY

585. > YOU'RE WATCHING THE DISNEY CHANNEL.

586. > YOU'RE WATCHING THE DISNEY CHANNEL. LATER, TRISH FLUSHES HER DAD

587. CHANNEL. LATER, TRISH FLUSHES HER DAD DOWN THE TOILET ON THE SEASON

588. LATER, TRISH FLUSHES HER DAD DOWN THE TOILET ON THE SEASON FINALE OF "MY DAD'S A FISH."

589. DOWN THE TOILET ON THE SEASON FINALE OF "MY DAD'S A FISH." BUT FIRST IT'S TIME FOR A BRAND

590. FINALE OF "MY DAD'S A FISH." BUT FIRST IT'S TIME FOR A BRAND NEW EPISODE OF "BROTHER

591. BUT FIRST IT'S TIME FOR A BRAND NEW EPISODE OF "BROTHER 2 BROTHER."

592. NEW EPISODE OF "BROTHER 2 BROTHER." ♪ IT'S BROTHER 2 BROTHER

593. 2 BROTHER." ♪ IT'S BROTHER 2 BROTHER WE'RE THERE FOR EACH OTHER

594. IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH ♪ ♪ THIN I CARE ABOUT YOU

595. THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH ♪ ♪ THIN I CARE ABOUT YOU YOU HELP ME GET THROUGH

596. THE DAY OKAY ♪ MARK, THERE YOU ARE.

597. OKAY ♪ MARK, THERE YOU ARE. I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR

598. MARK, THERE YOU ARE. I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.

599. I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU. WHAT'S GOING ON, MATTY?

600. YOU. WHAT'S GOING ON, MATTY? EVERYTHING A-OKAY?

601. WHAT'S GOING ON, MATTY? EVERYTHING A-OKAY? NO.

602. EVERYTHING A-OKAY? NO. EVERYTHING IS F NOT OKAY.

603. NO. EVERYTHING IS F NOT OKAY. I HAVE THE BIG WRESTLING MEET

604. EVERYTHING IS F NOT OKAY. I HAVE THE BIG WRESTLING MEET TONIGHT AND I'M NERVOUS I'M

605. I HAVE THE BIG WRESTLING MEET TONIGHT AND I'M NERVOUS I'M GONNA BIFF IT.

606. TONIGHT AND I'M NERVOUS I'M GONNA BIFF IT. BUT YOU'RE THE BEST WRESTLER

607. GONNA BIFF IT. BUT YOU'RE THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE STATE.

608. BUT YOU'RE THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE STATE. AND THE BIGGEST WORRY WART.

609. IN THE STATE. AND THE BIGGEST WORRY WART. OH, BROTHERS.

610. AND THE BIGGEST WORRY WART. OH, BROTHERS.

611. I HAVE AN IDEA.

612. I HAVE AN IDEA. LET'S SWITCH PLACES. YOU WRESTLE FOR ME AND IN

613. LET'S SWITCH PLACES. YOU WRESTLE FOR ME AND IN EXCHANGE I'LL DO YOUR CHORES FOR

614. YOU WRESTLE FOR ME AND IN EXCHANGE I'LL DO YOUR CHORES FOR A WHOLE WEEK!

615. EXCHANGE I'LL DO YOUR CHORES FOR A WHOLE WEEK! EVEN THE DISHES?

616. A WHOLE WEEK! EVEN THE DISHES? OF COURSE.

617. EVEN THE DISHES? OF COURSE. EVEN GIVING DADDY HIS

618. OF COURSE. EVEN GIVING DADDY HIS MASSAGE?

619. EVEN GIVING DADDY HIS MASSAGE? I PROMISE.

620. MASSAGE? I PROMISE.

621. I PROMISE. THEN IT'S A DEAL.

622. THEN IT'S A DEAL. A TWIN DEAL!

623. A TWIN DEAL! ALL RIGHT, TEAM, FOCUS UP.

624. ALL RIGHT, TEAM, FOCUS UP. THE BIG WRESTLING MEET IS TODAY AND EVERYTHING'S ON THE LINE.

625. THE BIG WRESTLING MEET IS TODAY AND EVERYTHING'S ON THE LINE. SO, REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU.

626. AND EVERYTHING'S ON THE LINE. SO, REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU. DON'T LET THEM PIN YOU, YOU

627. SO, REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU. DON'T LET THEM PIN YOU, YOU GOTTA PIN THEM.

628. DON'T LET THEM PIN YOU, YOU GOTTA PIN THEM. HEY, WAIT.

629. GOTTA PIN THEM. HEY, WAIT. WHERE'S OUR STAR WRESTLER MATTY?

630. HEY, WAIT. WHERE'S OUR STAR WRESTLER MATTY? HERE I AM, COACH.

631. WHERE'S OUR STAR WRESTLER MATTY? HERE I AM, COACH. READY TO WRESTLE AND WIN 'CAUSE

632. HERE I AM, COACH. READY TO WRESTLE AND WIN 'CAUSE I'M MATTY.

633. READY TO WRESTLE AND WIN 'CAUSE I'M MATTY. THE STAR WRESTLER MATTY.

634. I'M MATTY. THE STAR WRESTLER MATTY. THAT'S ME!

635. THE STAR WRESTLER MATTY. THAT'S ME! YOU'RE NOT MATTY, YOU'RE

636. THAT'S ME! YOU'RE NOT MATTY, YOU'RE MARKY.

637. YOU'RE NOT MATTY, YOU'RE MARKY. MATTY'S LIKE WAY BIGGER AND HAS

638. MARKY. MATTY'S LIKE WAY BIGGER AND HAS WAY MORE MUSCLES AND I WANNA SAY

639. MATTY'S LIKE WAY BIGGER AND HAS WAY MORE MUSCLES AND I WANNA SAY HE'S NOT AS PALE.

640. WAY MORE MUSCLES AND I WANNA SAY HE'S NOT AS PALE. PLUS HE HAS THAT LIKE UM, HARD

641. HE'S NOT AS PALE. PLUS HE HAS THAT LIKE UM, HARD DEEP RAVINE THING BETWEEN HIS

642. PLUS HE HAS THAT LIKE UM, HARD DEEP RAVINE THING BETWEEN HIS PECS.

643. DEEP RAVINE THING BETWEEN HIS PECS. YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOUR PECS

644. PECS. YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOUR PECS ARE SO HUGE YOU GET THAT RAVINE.

645. YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOUR PECS ARE SO HUGE YOU GET THAT RAVINE. YOU DON'T HAVE THAT.

646. ARE SO HUGE YOU GET THAT RAVINE. YOU DON'T HAVE THAT. YOU JUST SORT OF HAVE JUST LIKE

647. YOU DON'T HAVE THAT. YOU JUST SORT OF HAVE JUST LIKE A HAIRY FLATNESS UP HERE.

648. YOU JUST SORT OF HAVE JUST LIKE A HAIRY FLATNESS UP HERE. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG IS

649. A HAIRY FLATNESS UP HERE. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG IS UP.

650. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG IS UP. PLUS YOUR ARMS SORT OF HANG

651. UP. PLUS YOUR ARMS SORT OF HANG LIMP AT YOUR SIDES LIKE THAT.

652. PLUS YOUR ARMS SORT OF HANG LIMP AT YOUR SIDES LIKE THAT. BUT MATTY'S ARMS ARE JUST PUSHED

653. LIMP AT YOUR SIDES LIKE THAT. BUT MATTY'S ARMS ARE JUST PUSHED OUT, BECAUSE ALL THE MUSCLES HE

654. BUT MATTY'S ARMS ARE JUST PUSHED OUT, BECAUSE ALL THE MUSCLES HE HAS LIKE RIGHT HERE, BUT YOU

655. OUT, BECAUSE ALL THE MUSCLES HE HAS LIKE RIGHT HERE, BUT YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE MUSCLES HERE,

656. HAS LIKE RIGHT HERE, BUT YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE MUSCLES HERE, YOU JUST KIND OF HAVE SOFT

657. DON'T REALLY HAVE MUSCLES HERE, YOU JUST KIND OF HAVE SOFT CLUMPS SKIN RIGHT THERE.

658. YOU JUST KIND OF HAVE SOFT CLUMPS SKIN RIGHT THERE. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG —

659. CLUMPS SKIN RIGHT THERE. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG — ALSO, WHEN MATTY SWEATS YOU

660. UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG — ALSO, WHEN MATTY SWEATS YOU JUST GET LIKE THE HEAVES OF

661. ALSO, WHEN MATTY SWEATS YOU JUST GET LIKE THE HEAVES OF SWEAT THAT JUST KIND OF SLOWLY

662. JUST GET LIKE THE HEAVES OF SWEAT THAT JUST KIND OF SLOWLY ROLL DOWN HIS STOMACH, BUT FOR

663. SWEAT THAT JUST KIND OF SLOWLY ROLL DOWN HIS STOMACH, BUT FOR YOU YOUR STOMACH JUST SORT OF

664. ROLL DOWN HIS STOMACH, BUT FOR YOU YOUR STOMACH JUST SORT OF GETS WET IN THIS BIG CIRCLE

665. YOU YOUR STOMACH JUST SORT OF GETS WET IN THIS BIG CIRCLE RIGHT HERE.

666. GETS WET IN THIS BIG CIRCLE RIGHT HERE. COACH, I HAVE ONE.

667. RIGHT HERE. COACH, I HAVE ONE. GREAT!

668. COACH, I HAVE ONE. GREAT! GO AHEAD, TOMMY.

669. GREAT! GO AHEAD, TOMMY. YEAH, I NOTICED IN THE SHOWER

670. GO AHEAD, TOMMY. YEAH, I NOTICED IN THE SHOWER THAT MARKY, YOU HAVE LIKE A

671. YEAH, I NOTICED IN THE SHOWER THAT MARKY, YOU HAVE LIKE A THICK COATING OF HAIR ON YOUR

672. THAT MARKY, YOU HAVE LIKE A THICK COATING OF HAIR ON YOUR FEET AND MATTY DOESN'T HAVE

673. THICK COATING OF HAIR ON YOUR FEET AND MATTY DOESN'T HAVE THAT.

674. FEET AND MATTY DOESN'T HAVE THAT. YOU'RE RIGHT!

675. THAT. YOU'RE RIGHT! GOOD CALL.

676. YOU'RE RIGHT! GOOD CALL. MATTY'S FEET ARE GREAT.

677. GOOD CALL. MATTY'S FEET ARE GREAT. THEY ACTUALLY LOOK MORE LIKE

678. MATTY'S FEET ARE GREAT. THEY ACTUALLY LOOK MORE LIKE HANDS THAN YOUR HANDS DO.

679. THEY ACTUALLY LOOK MORE LIKE HANDS THAN YOUR HANDS DO. THAT'S SPECIFIC, COACH.

680. HANDS THAN YOUR HANDS DO. THAT'S SPECIFIC, COACH. I GUESS AT —

681. THAT'S SPECIFIC, COACH. I GUESS AT — ALSO, MATTY HAS LIKE A

682. I GUESS AT — ALSO, MATTY HAS LIKE A BIGGER, MORE MUSCULAR BUTT.

683. ALSO, MATTY HAS LIKE A BIGGER, MORE MUSCULAR BUTT. OKAY.

684. BIGGER, MORE MUSCULAR BUTT. OKAY. BUT LIKE, YOUR BUTT HAS LIKE

685. OKAY. BUT LIKE, YOUR BUTT HAS LIKE A BIGGER — I WANNA SAY CRACK?

686. BUT LIKE, YOUR BUTT HAS LIKE A BIGGER — I WANNA SAY CRACK?

687. A BIGGER — I WANNA SAY CRACK? ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

688. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH. I GUESS THE JIG IS UP.

689. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH. I GUESS THE JIG IS UP. MATTY, COME ON OUT.

690. I GUESS THE JIG IS UP. MATTY, COME ON OUT. HI, COACH.

691. MATTY, COME ON OUT. HI, COACH. IT'S ME.

692. HI, COACH. IT'S ME. THE REAL MATTY.

693. IT'S ME. THE REAL MATTY. DUH.

694. THE REAL MATTY. DUH. I'M SORRY I ASKED MY TWIN TO

695. DUH. I'M SORRY I ASKED MY TWIN TO SWITCH PLACES.

696. I'M SORRY I ASKED MY TWIN TO SWITCH PLACES. I'M SORRY I LIED.

697. SWITCH PLACES. I'M SORRY I LIED. LYING IS BAD.

698. I'M SORRY I LIED. LYING IS BAD. JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER

699. LYING IS BAD. JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER TRY THIS AGAIN.

700. JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER TRY THIS AGAIN. OH, WE SURE WON'T.

701. TRY THIS AGAIN. OH, WE SURE WON'T. BECAUSE WE LEARNED OUR TWIN

702. OH, WE SURE WON'T. BECAUSE WE LEARNED OUR TWIN LESSON.

703. BECAUSE WE LEARNED OUR TWIN LESSON. NO, NO, I MEAN, DON'T TRY IT

704. LESSON. NO, NO, I MEAN, DON'T TRY IT AGAIN 'CAUSE IT WON'T WORK.

705. NO, NO, I MEAN, DON'T TRY IT AGAIN 'CAUSE IT WON'T WORK. I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU TWO SIDE BY

706. AGAIN 'CAUSE IT WON'T WORK. I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU TWO SIDE BY SIDE RIGHT NOW.

707. I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU TWO SIDE BY SIDE RIGHT NOW. IT'S INSANE.

708. SIDE RIGHT NOW. IT'S INSANE. I MEAN, MARKY, TRY STANDING

709. IT'S INSANE. I MEAN, MARKY, TRY STANDING BEHIND MATTY AND I BET YOU

710. I MEAN, MARKY, TRY STANDING BEHIND MATTY AND I BET YOU COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR.

711. BEHIND MATTY AND I BET YOU COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR. THAT'S OKAY.

712. COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR. THAT'S OKAY. WE BOTH LEARNED OUR TWIN LESSON.

713. THAT'S OKAY. WE BOTH LEARNED OUR TWIN LESSON. NO, NO, NO, JUST DO IT.

714. WE BOTH LEARNED OUR TWIN LESSON. NO, NO, NO, JUST DO IT. I WANNA SEE IT.

715. NO, NO, NO, JUST DO IT. I WANNA SEE IT. STAND BEHIND HIM RIGHT THERE.

716. I WANNA SEE IT. STAND BEHIND HIM RIGHT THERE.

717. STAND BEHIND HIM RIGHT THERE. WE CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU, MARKY.

718. WE CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU, MARKY. YOU ARE SO MUCH SMALLER.

719. WE CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU, MARKY. YOU ARE SO MUCH SMALLER. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

720. YOU ARE SO MUCH SMALLER. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WE'RE IDENTICAL TWINS.

721. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WE'RE IDENTICAL TWINS. YEAH, OKAY, BUT JUST LOOK

722. WE'RE IDENTICAL TWINS. YEAH, OKAY, BUT JUST LOOK DOWN FOR ONE SECOND.

723. YEAH, OKAY, BUT JUST LOOK DOWN FOR ONE SECOND. MATTY, YOU HAVE THAT DEEP V

724. DOWN FOR ONE SECOND. MATTY, YOU HAVE THAT DEEP V THING GOING ON.

725. MATTY, YOU HAVE THAT DEEP V THING GOING ON. YOU SEE MARKY?

726. THING GOING ON. YOU SEE MARKY? MARKY JUST HAS A BIG O.

727. YOU SEE MARKY? MARKY JUST HAS A BIG O. JUST SORT OF LIKE AN O SHAPE

728. MARKY JUST HAS A BIG O. JUST SORT OF LIKE AN O SHAPE RIGHT THERE.

729. JUST SORT OF LIKE AN O SHAPE RIGHT THERE. LIKE, MARKY, I KNOW YOU CAN'T

730. RIGHT THERE. LIKE, MARKY, I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE, BUT YOU LOOK LIKE 10,

731. LIKE, MARKY, I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE, BUT YOU LOOK LIKE 10, 12 WEEKS PREGNANT RIGHT NOW.

732. BE, BUT YOU LOOK LIKE 10, 12 WEEKS PREGNANT RIGHT NOW. MATTY TRIED TO KISS ME LAST

733. 12 WEEKS PREGNANT RIGHT NOW. MATTY TRIED TO KISS ME LAST NIGHT!

734. MATTY TRIED TO KISS ME LAST NIGHT! WHAT?

735. NIGHT! WHAT? WHAT?

736. WHAT? WHAT? HE DIDN'T.

737. WHAT? HE DIDN'T. I TRIED TO KISS HIM.

738. HE DIDN'T. I TRIED TO KISS HIM. IN HIS SLEEP!

739. I TRIED TO KISS HIM. IN HIS SLEEP!

740. LA LA LA LA ♪ GREAT JOB, GUYS.

741. GREAT JOB, GUYS. WE STILL GOT IT.

742. GREAT JOB, GUYS. WE STILL GOT IT. THAT REMIND ME, WOULD ANYONE

743. WE STILL GOT IT. THAT REMIND ME, WOULD ANYONE LIKE A DATE WRAPPED IN BACON?

744. THAT REMIND ME, WOULD ANYONE LIKE A DATE WRAPPED IN BACON? I WOULD LOVE IT.

745. LIKE A DATE WRAPPED IN BACON? I WOULD LOVE IT. FANTASTIC.

746. I WOULD LOVE IT. FANTASTIC. I'LL MAKE THOSE FOR NEXT YEAR.

747. FANTASTIC. I'LL MAKE THOSE FOR NEXT YEAR. WHAT SONG SHOULD WE SING

748. I'LL MAKE THOSE FOR NEXT YEAR. WHAT SONG SHOULD WE SING NEXT?

749. WHAT SONG SHOULD WE SING NEXT? "RUDOLPH" IS FUN.

750. NEXT? "RUDOLPH" IS FUN. WHAT ABOUT "DEBRA'S TIME."

751. "RUDOLPH" IS FUN. WHAT ABOUT "DEBRA'S TIME." OH, HONEY, THAT'S A GREAT

752. WHAT ABOUT "DEBRA'S TIME." OH, HONEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

753. OH, HONEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT

754. IDEA. I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT SONG.

755. I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT SONG. ME NEITHER.

756. SONG. ME NEITHER. WHAT ABOUT "O HOLY NIGHT"?

757. ME NEITHER. WHAT ABOUT "O HOLY NIGHT"? NO, LET'S DO "DEBRA'S TIME."

758. WHAT ABOUT "O HOLY NIGHT"? NO, LET'S DO "DEBRA'S TIME." OH, YES, "DEBRA'S TIME" IS

759. NO, LET'S DO "DEBRA'S TIME." OH, YES, "DEBRA'S TIME" IS GREAT.

760. OH, YES, "DEBRA'S TIME" IS GREAT. I DON'T THINK ANYBODY KNOWS

761. GREAT. I DON'T THINK ANYBODY KNOWS THAT.

762. I DON'T THINK ANYBODY KNOWS THAT. LET'S DO "DEBRA'S TIME."

763. THAT. LET'S DO "DEBRA'S TIME." I'M SORRY, WHAT SONG ARE WE

764. LET'S DO "DEBRA'S TIME." I'M SORRY, WHAT SONG ARE WE DOING?

765. I'M SORRY, WHAT SONG ARE WE DOING? "DEBRA'S TIME."

766. DOING? "DEBRA'S TIME." LET'S JUST TRY IT.

767. "DEBRA'S TIME." LET'S JUST TRY IT. OH, WAIT, DAN.

768. LET'S JUST TRY IT. OH, WAIT, DAN. CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LAMP,

769. OH, WAIT, DAN. CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LAMP, PLEASE?

770. PLEASE? ♪ CHECKBOOKS ALL

771. ARE BALANCED CHRISTMAS BONUS CLEARED ♪ RELAX, DEBRA.

772. CHRISTMAS BONUS CLEARED ♪ RELAX, DEBRA.

773. RELAX, DEBRA. ♪ CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

774. ♪ CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ALL TANGLED

775. ALL TANGLED EXACTLY AS I FEARED ♪ WHAT DID I THINK?

776. EXACTLY AS I FEARED ♪ WHAT DID I THINK? ♪ GET THE PRESENTS

777. WHAT DID I THINK? ♪ GET THE PRESENTS DO THE WRAPPING

778. GET THE RIBBON DO THE PACKING ♪ ♪ SOMEHOW YOU ARE

779. DO THE PACKING ♪ ♪ SOMEHOW YOU ARE ALWAYS LACKING

780. ALWAYS LACKING ALWAYS LACKING ♪ OH, GOD, DEBRA.

781. ALWAYS LACKING ♪ OH, GOD, DEBRA. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP THIS?

782. OH, GOD, DEBRA. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP THIS? ♪ QUIET

783. QUIET ♪ GO. GO WHAT?

784. GO. GO WHAT?

785. GO WHAT? JEN, YOU MISSED YOUR PART.

786. JEN, YOU MISSED YOUR PART. I DID?

787. JEN, YOU MISSED YOUR PART. I DID? YEAH, YEAH, I POINTED AT YOU.

788. I DID? YEAH, YEAH, I POINTED AT YOU. WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS ALL COME IN?

789. YEAH, YEAH, I POINTED AT YOU. WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS ALL COME IN? WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS

790. WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS ALL COME IN? WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS SONG IS.

791. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS SONG IS.

792. SONG IS. WE ALL KNOW "SILENT NIGHT."

793. WE ALL KNOW "SILENT NIGHT." WHY DON'T WE SING THAT?

794. WE ALL KNOW "SILENT NIGHT." WHY DON'T WE SING THAT? I DON'T KNOW "SILENT NIGHT."

795. WHY DON'T WE SING THAT? I DON'T KNOW "SILENT NIGHT." MY HUSBAND DOESN'T KNOW

796. I DON'T KNOW "SILENT NIGHT." MY HUSBAND DOESN'T KNOW "SILENT NIGHT" AND HE KNOWS

797. MY HUSBAND DOESN'T KNOW "SILENT NIGHT" AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

798. "SILENT NIGHT" AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. LISTEN, YOU GUYS HAVE TO KNOW

799. EVERYTHING. LISTEN, YOU GUYS HAVE TO KNOW THIS SONG.

800. LISTEN, YOU GUYS HAVE TO KNOW THIS SONG. IT'S A BROADWAY STANDARD.

801. THIS SONG. IT'S A BROADWAY STANDARD. WELL, WHAT SHOW IS IT FROM?

802. IT'S A BROADWAY STANDARD. WELL, WHAT SHOW IS IT FROM? "CHRISTMAS" SOMETHING.

803. WELL, WHAT SHOW IS IT FROM? "CHRISTMAS" SOMETHING. I CAN'T REMEMBER.

804. "CHRISTMAS" SOMETHING. I CAN'T REMEMBER. THE SHOW WASN'T ALL THAT

805. I CAN'T REMEMBER. THE SHOW WASN'T ALL THAT GREAT, BUT "DEBRA'S TIME" WAS

806. THE SHOW WASN'T ALL THAT GREAT, BUT "DEBRA'S TIME" WAS AMAZING.

807. GREAT, BUT "DEBRA'S TIME" WAS AMAZING. THEY USE IT IN, LIKE, EVERY

808. AMAZING. THEY USE IT IN, LIKE, EVERY COMMERCIAL.

809. THEY USE IT IN, LIKE, EVERY COMMERCIAL. YEAH, YEAH, SMUCKER'S IS THE

810. COMMERCIAL. YEAH, YEAH, SMUCKER'S IS THE ONE YOU GUYS PROBABLY KNOW.

811. YEAH, YEAH, SMUCKER'S IS THE ONE YOU GUYS PROBABLY KNOW. YEAH, BUT I JUST DON'T —

812. ONE YOU GUYS PROBABLY KNOW. YEAH, BUT I JUST DON'T — OKAY, OKAY.

813. YEAH, BUT I JUST DON'T — OKAY, OKAY. HANG IN THERE.

814. OKAY, OKAY. HANG IN THERE. YOU'LL KNOW IT IN A MINUTE.

815. HANG IN THERE. YOU'LL KNOW IT IN A MINUTE. DAN, CAN YOU TURN OFF ONE MORE

816. YOU'LL KNOW IT IN A MINUTE. DAN, CAN YOU TURN OFF ONE MORE LAMP, PLEASE?

817. DAN, CAN YOU TURN OFF ONE MORE LAMP, PLEASE? IT'S GETTING VERY DARK.

818. LAMP, PLEASE? IT'S GETTING VERY DARK. YES, DAN, THANK YOU.

819. IT'S GETTING VERY DARK. YES, DAN, THANK YOU. I KNOW.

820. YES, DAN, THANK YOU. I KNOW. THAT'S THE WAY I WANTED IT.

821. I KNOW. THAT'S THE WAY I WANTED IT. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS PART.

822. THAT'S THE WAY I WANTED IT. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS PART. ♪ PRESENTS HAVE BEEN OPENED

823. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS PART. ♪ PRESENTS HAVE BEEN OPENED DEBRA'S MOVING ON

824. OR HAVE I? MARK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

825. MARK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I CAME BACK.

826. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I CAME BACK. FOR YOU.

827. I CAME BACK. FOR YOU. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

828. FOR YOU. WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHO IS MARK?

829. WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHO IS MARK? HE'S INVOLVED WITH DEBRA, I

830. WHO IS MARK? HE'S INVOLVED WITH DEBRA, I GUESS.

831. HE'S INVOLVED WITH DEBRA, I GUESS. NO, I CAN'T DO THIS.

832. GUESS. NO, I CAN'T DO THIS. DEBRA, THIS COULD WORK.

833. NO, I CAN'T DO THIS. DEBRA, THIS COULD WORK. PUT YOUR SUITCASE DOWN.

834. DEBRA, THIS COULD WORK. PUT YOUR SUITCASE DOWN. ♪ I'M NOT READY

835. PUT YOUR SUITCASE DOWN. ♪ I'M NOT READY JUST HOLD STEADY

836. MARK COMES BACK AND DEBRA'S CRACKING ♪ SMACK!

837. DEBRA'S CRACKING ♪ SMACK! THAT'S WHERE DEBRA HITS MARK.

838. SMACK! THAT'S WHERE DEBRA HITS MARK. AND SMACK, THAT'S WHERE MARK

839. THAT'S WHERE DEBRA HITS MARK. AND SMACK, THAT'S WHERE MARK HITS HER BACK.

840. AND SMACK, THAT'S WHERE MARK HITS HER BACK. WHAT?

841. WHAT? WHY ARE WE DOING THIS TO EACH

842. WHY ARE WE DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER? BECAUSE WE'RE FREAKING

843. OTHER? BECAUSE WE'RE FREAKING FALLING IN LOVE.

844. BECAUSE WE'RE FREAKING FALLING IN LOVE. DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE WE ARE IN

845. FALLING IN LOVE. DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE WE ARE IN THE SONG NOW?

846. DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE WE ARE IN THE SONG NOW? NO!

847. THE SONG NOW? NO!

848. NO! I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHEN YOU'RE

849. I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHEN YOU'RE YOU AND WHEN YOU'RE DEBRA AND

850. I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHEN YOU'RE YOU AND WHEN YOU'RE DEBRA AND MARK.

851. YOU AND WHEN YOU'RE DEBRA AND MARK. OH, THANK YOU!

852. MARK. OH, THANK YOU! HONEY!

853. OH, THANK YOU! HONEY! OKAY, OKAY.

854. HONEY! OKAY, OKAY. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.

855. OKAY, OKAY. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP. ALL THE GUYS DO THIS.

856. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP. ALL THE GUYS DO THIS. ♪ DEBRA DEBRA DEBRA DEBRA

857. AND THE GIRLS LIKE THIS — ♪ IT'S DEBRA'S TIME IT'S DEBRA TIME AT LAST

858. IT'S DEBRA TIME IT'S DEBRA'S TIME AT LAST ♪ BIG FINISH.

859. IT'S DEBRA'S TIME AT LAST ♪ BIG FINISH. ♪ IT'S DEBRA'S TIME

860. BIG FINISH. ♪ IT'S DEBRA'S TIME DON'T LET IT GO TOO FAST

861. DEBRA'S TIME ♪ HA!

862. HA! RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. SMACK!

863. RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. SMACK! OH, MY GOD, I DO REMEMBER.

864. SMACK! OH, MY GOD, I DO REMEMBER.

865. OH, MY GOD, I DO REMEMBER. I KNEW IT FROM THE SMUCKER'S

866. I KNEW IT FROM THE SMUCKER'S COMMERCIALS.

867. I KNEW IT FROM THE SMUCKER'S COMMERCIALS. OF COURSE.

868. COMMERCIALS. OF COURSE. I WANT TO SEE THE BROADWAY

869. OF COURSE. I WANT TO SEE THE BROADWAY SHOW.

870. I WANT TO SEE THE BROADWAY SHOW. IS IT RUNNING RIGHT NOW?

871. SHOW. IS IT RUNNING RIGHT NOW? OF COURSE IT'S RUNNING.

872. IS IT RUNNING RIGHT NOW? OF COURSE IT'S RUNNING. IT'S ALWAYS RUNNING.

873. OF COURSE IT'S RUNNING. IT'S ALWAYS RUNNING. IT'S ONLY 6:30.

874. IT'S ALWAYS RUNNING. IT'S ONLY 6:30. IF WE LEAVE RIGHT NOW, WE CAN

875. IT'S ONLY 6:30. IF WE LEAVE RIGHT NOW, WE CAN ALL SEE IT.

876. IF WE LEAVE RIGHT NOW, WE CAN ALL SEE IT. IT'S SNOWING PRETTY HARD.

877. ALL SEE IT. IT'S SNOWING PRETTY HARD. THEN I'LL DRIVE EVEN FASTER.

878. IT'S SNOWING PRETTY HARD. THEN I'LL DRIVE EVEN FASTER.

879. THEN I'LL DRIVE EVEN FASTER.

880. > LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHANCE THE RAPPER.

881. THE RAPPER. ♪ I'M A RASCALLY RABBIT I KNOW THAT TRICKS IS FOR ADDICTS

882. THAT TRICKS IS FOR ADDICTS THAT NEED FIXES FOR HABITS ALONG WITH CARROTS AND CABBAGE

883. ALONG WITH CARROTS AND CABBAGE I'M A SAVAGE ♪ ♪ ESTABLISHED BAD MAGNET

884. I'M A SAVAGE ♪ ♪ ESTABLISHED BAD MAGNET I'M MAGIC

885. I'M MAGIC YOUR MAJESTY I'M MAJESTIC I THINK MY MESSAGE IS MASSIVE

886. YOUR MAJESTY I'M MAJESTIC I THINK MY MESSAGE IS MASSIVE I THINK YOU PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

887. I THINK MY MESSAGE IS MASSIVE I THINK YOU PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THINK YOU PASSED UP YOUR PRIME

888. THINK YOU PASSED UP YOUR PRIME I THINK YOU PASSED UP YOUR ♪ ♪ CHANCE TO BE CHANCE NOW

889. I THINK YOU PASSED UP YOUR ♪ ♪ CHANCE TO BE CHANCE NOW PASS IT TO A-RAP

890. CHANO WHAT DO YOU WANT AIN'T WE BEEN HERE BEFORE ♪ ♪ AIN'T MY PRINCIPAL TOLD ME

891. AIN'T WE BEEN HERE BEFORE ♪ ♪ AIN'T MY PRINCIPAL TOLD ME THAT I CAN'T RAP AT THAT SHOW

892. THEN I RAP AT THAT SHOW SIMPLE AS THAT ♪ ♪ GOT A COMPLEX FROM COMPLEX

893. SIMPLE AS THAT ♪ ♪ GOT A COMPLEX FROM COMPLEX OFF OF THE SIMPLEST RAP

894. AND IT GOES FEELIN' THE FIRE HANDS ♪ ♪ IS UP HIGHER

895. FEELIN' THE FIRE HANDS ♪ ♪ IS UP HIGHER CANNOT BELIEVE IT

896. DAMN I'M A RIDER RIDING ON TWENTIES TWENTY ♪ ♪ YEARS PRIOR I COULDN'T

897. RIDING ON TWENTIES TWENTY ♪ ♪ YEARS PRIOR I COULDN'T BUY A FORGET IT YOU GET IT

898. GOD IS SO AWESOME DEVIL'S A LIAR ♪ ♪ TAKE 'EM TO CHURCH

899. DEVIL'S A LIAR ♪ ♪ TAKE 'EM TO CHURCH BUT I NEED A CHOIR

900. BUT I NEED A CHOIR I BELIEVE THAT IF I FLY I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE

901. I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ I BELIEVE THAT IF I FLY

902. IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ I BELIEVE THAT IF I FLY I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE

903. I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ BLOW OUT THE SPEAKERS

904. IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ BLOW OUT THE SPEAKERS ROLL SOME MORE LOUD

905. THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE REEFER I THINK MY PARENTS IS PROUD ♪ ♪ THANK MY FANS IN THE

906. I THINK MY PARENTS IS PROUD ♪ ♪ THANK MY FANS IN THE BLEACHERS THINK MY TEACHERS

907. BLEACHERS THINK MY TEACHERS NEED FEATURES ♪ ♪ THINK I'M WALKING WITH JESUS

908. NEED FEATURES ♪ ♪ THINK I'M WALKING WITH JESUS I KNEW MY FEET WOULDN'T DROWN

909. I KNEW MY FEET WOULDN'T DROWN I BEEN CLOSE TO THE EDGE I BEEN TRIPPING AND STUFF

910. I BEEN CLOSE TO THE EDGE I BEEN TRIPPING AND STUFF SOMEBODY SLIPPED ME A MICKEY

911. SOMEBODY SLIPPED ME A MICKEY BUT I AIN'T GIVING A ♪ ♪ REALLY A MILLI HOW ABOUT

912. BUT I AIN'T GIVING A ♪ ♪ REALLY A MILLI HOW ABOUT SIX MILLION MORE

913. SIX MILLION MORE OR I'M OUTIE LIKE HOWDY CUT THAT UMBILICAL CORD

914. CUT THAT UMBILICAL CORD AS I SMOKE HERB IN THIS UBER ♪ ♪ SUBURBAN DRESSED IN AN

915. AS I SMOKE HERB IN THIS UBER ♪ ♪ SUBURBAN DRESSED IN AN URBAN OUTFITTERS

916. SHIRT AND BURGUNDY PAIR OF JORDANS ♪ ♪ I ASKED THE ACID IF WORDS

917. OF JORDANS ♪ ♪ I ASKED THE ACID IF WORDS WERE WORTH WORRYING OVER

918. HER EXPLANATION SEEMED AGITATED SO LET ME ASK YOUR QUESTION ♪ ♪ WITH SOME QUESTIONS

919. SO LET ME ASK YOUR QUESTION ♪ ♪ WITH SOME QUESTIONS QUESTIONING YOURS

920. LIKE WHY THE DEVIL CAN'T GET YOU ♪ ♪ AND WHY THESE LABELS CAN'T

921. GET YOU ♪ ♪ AND WHY THESE LABELS CAN'T CATCH YOU

922. AND WHY THEY MAKE IT SO SEXUAL WHY DID HE BLESS YOU ♪ ♪ THINK ABOUT IT

923. I WALKED UP THIS MORNING I WALKED UP THIS MORNING GOT A SMILE WHEN I SAID THAT

924. GOT A SMILE WHEN I SAID THAT WALKED UP THIS MORNING ♪ ♪ FEELIN' THE FIRE HANDS

925. WALKED UP THIS MORNING ♪ ♪ FEELIN' THE FIRE HANDS IS UP HIGHER

926. CANNOT BELIEVE IT DAMN I'M A RIDER ♪ ♪ RIDING ON TWENTIES TWENTY

927. I'M A RIDER ♪ ♪ RIDING ON TWENTIES TWENTY YEARS PRIOR I COULDN'T BUY A

928. FORGET IT YOU GET IT GOD IS SO AWESOME, DEVIL'S A LIAR ♪ ♪ TAKE 'EM TO CHURCH BUT

929. I NEED A CHOIR I BELIEVE THAT IF I FLY I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE

930. PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ I BELIEVE THAT IF I FLY

931. IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ I BELIEVE THAT IF I FLY I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE

932. I'LL PROLLY END UP SOMEWHERE IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ FEELIN' THE FIRE

933. IN PARADISE ♪ ♪ FEELIN' THE FIRE HANDS IS UP HIGHER

934. CANNOT BELIEVE IT DAMN I'M A RIDER ♪ ♪ RIDING ON TWENTIES TWENTY

935. A RIDER ♪ ♪ RIDING ON TWENTIES TWENTY YEARS PRIOR I COULDN'T BUY A

936. YEARS PRIOR I COULDN'T BUY A FORGET IT YOU GET IT GOD IS SO AWESOME DEVIL'S

937. GOD IS SO AWESOME DEVIL'S A LIAR ♪ ♪ TAKE 'EM TO CHURCH

938. I BELIEVE ♪

939. > LISTEN TO MUSIC FROM CHANCE THE RAPPER AT

940. > LISTEN TO MUSIC FROM CHANCE THE RAPPER AT APPLEMUSIC.COM/CHANCETHERAPPER.

941. IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.

942. UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.

943. MICHAEL CHE. WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."

944. WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE.

945. WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE. I'M COLIN JOST.

946. I'M MICHAEL CHE. I'M COLIN JOST. AND HERE ARE TONIGHT'S STORIES.

947. I'M COLIN JOST. AND HERE ARE TONIGHT'S STORIES. AT A RALLY IN SOUTH CAROLINA,

948. AND HERE ARE TONIGHT'S STORIES. AT A RALLY IN SOUTH CAROLINA, DONALD TRUMP CALLED FOR A TOTAL

949. AT A RALLY IN SOUTH CAROLINA, DONALD TRUMP CALLED FOR A TOTAL AND COMPLETE BAN ON MUSLIMS

950. DONALD TRUMP CALLED FOR A TOTAL AND COMPLETE BAN ON MUSLIMS ENTERING THE U.S.

951. AND COMPLETE BAN ON MUSLIMS ENTERING THE U.S. BEN CARSON AGREED, SAYING

952. ENTERING THE U.S. BEN CARSON AGREED, SAYING MUSLIMS ARE, DANGEROUS AGENTS OF

953. BEN CARSON AGREED, SAYING MUSLIMS ARE, DANGEROUS AGENTS OF EVIL WHO SPEAK IN UNINTELLIGIBLE

954. MUSLIMS ARE, DANGEROUS AGENTS OF EVIL WHO SPEAK IN UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE AND ARE YELLOW WITH

955. EVIL WHO SPEAK IN UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE AND ARE YELLOW WITH BLUE PANTS AND GOGGLES, AND HE'S

956. LANGUAGE AND ARE YELLOW WITH BLUE PANTS AND GOGGLES, AND HE'S DEFINITELY THINKING OF MINIONS.

957. BLUE PANTS AND GOGGLES, AND HE'S DEFINITELY THINKING OF MINIONS.

958. DEFINITELY THINKING OF MINIONS. YOU KNOW, THIS IS GOING TO SOUND

959. YOU KNOW, THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CRAZY, BUT I PERSONALLY DON'T

960. YOU KNOW, THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CRAZY, BUT I PERSONALLY DON'T BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP IS A

961. CRAZY, BUT I PERSONALLY DON'T BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP IS A RACIST.

962. BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP IS A RACIST. I THINK HE'S JUST PANDERING TO

963. RACIST. I THINK HE'S JUST PANDERING TO THE MOST PREJUDICED SEGMENT OF

964. I THINK HE'S JUST PANDERING TO THE MOST PREJUDICED SEGMENT OF THE COUNTRY.

965. THE MOST PREJUDICED SEGMENT OF THE COUNTRY. HE'S HUSTLING THEM!

966. THE COUNTRY. HE'S HUSTLING THEM! HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE MIKE TYSON,

967. HE'S HUSTLING THEM! HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE MIKE TYSON, DON KING AND OMAROSA.

968. HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE MIKE TYSON, DON KING AND OMAROSA.

969. DON KING AND OMAROSA. I KNOW BLACK PEOPLE THAT

970. I KNOW BLACK PEOPLE THAT WOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH THOSE

971. I KNOW BLACK PEOPLE THAT WOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH THOSE BLACK PEOPLE.

972. WOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH THOSE BLACK PEOPLE.

973. BLACK PEOPLE. DONALD TRUMP IS AS MUCH OF A

974. DONALD TRUMP IS AS MUCH OF A RACIST AS HE IS A DEVOUT

975. DONALD TRUMP IS AS MUCH OF A RACIST AS HE IS A DEVOUT CHRISTIAN GUN FANATIC.

976. RACIST AS HE IS A DEVOUT CHRISTIAN GUN FANATIC. NONE OF WHAT HE'S SAYING IS

977. CHRISTIAN GUN FANATIC. NONE OF WHAT HE'S SAYING IS TRUE.

978. NONE OF WHAT HE'S SAYING IS TRUE. YOU DON'T JUST DEVELOP RACISM

979. TRUE. YOU DON'T JUST DEVELOP RACISM OVERNIGHT ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL.

980. YOU DON'T JUST DEVELOP RACISM OVERNIGHT ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL. RACISM IS EMBEDDED DEEP DOWN IN

981. OVERNIGHT ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL. RACISM IS EMBEDDED DEEP DOWN IN A PERSON'S SOUL.

982. RACISM IS EMBEDDED DEEP DOWN IN A PERSON'S SOUL. I'VE LOOKED INTO THAT MAN'S

983. A PERSON'S SOUL. I'VE LOOKED INTO THAT MAN'S EYES.

984. I'VE LOOKED INTO THAT MAN'S EYES. DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T HAVE A

985. EYES. DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T HAVE A SOUL!

986. DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T HAVE A SOUL!

987. SOUL! THERE'S NOTHING BUT DOLLAR SIGNS

988. THERE'S NOTHING BUT DOLLAR SIGNS FLOATING IN COLOGNE.

989. THERE'S NOTHING BUT DOLLAR SIGNS FLOATING IN COLOGNE.

990. FLOATING IN COLOGNE. AT THIS POINT, DONALD TRUMP IS

991. AT THIS POINT, DONALD TRUMP IS THE POLITICAL EQUIVALENT OF A

992. AT THIS POINT, DONALD TRUMP IS THE POLITICAL EQUIVALENT OF A PHONE SEX OPERATOR.

993. THE POLITICAL EQUIVALENT OF A PHONE SEX OPERATOR. HE'S JUST WHISPERING WHATEVER

994. PHONE SEX OPERATOR. HE'S JUST WHISPERING WHATEVER DIRTY LITTLE RACIST FANTASIES

995. HE'S JUST WHISPERING WHATEVER DIRTY LITTLE RACIST FANTASIES REPUBLICANS WANT TO HEAR.

996. DIRTY LITTLE RACIST FANTASIES REPUBLICANS WANT TO HEAR.

997. REPUBLICANS WANT TO HEAR. AND HIS SUPPORTERS ARE JUST

998. AND HIS SUPPORTERS ARE JUST HANGING UP SAYING, "I THINK

999. AND HIS SUPPORTERS ARE JUST HANGING UP SAYING, "I THINK DONALD TRUMP REALLY LIKES ME."

1000. HANGING UP SAYING, "I THINK DONALD TRUMP REALLY LIKES ME."

1001. DONALD TRUMP REALLY LIKES ME." I DON'T THINK DONALD TRUMP IS A

1002. I DON'T THINK DONALD TRUMP IS A RACIST.

1003. I DON'T THINK DONALD TRUMP IS A RACIST. I THINK THAT'S JUST WHAT HE'S

1004. RACIST. I THINK THAT'S JUST WHAT HE'S SELLING THE SAME WAY PEYTON

1005. I THINK THAT'S JUST WHAT HE'S SELLING THE SAME WAY PEYTON MANNING SELLS PAPA JOHN'S.

1006. SELLING THE SAME WAY PEYTON MANNING SELLS PAPA JOHN'S.

1007. MANNING SELLS PAPA JOHN'S. HE'S NOT GOING HOME AND ACTUALLY

1008. HE'S NOT GOING HOME AND ACTUALLY ORDERING PAPA JOHN'S, HE'S

1009. HE'S NOT GOING HOME AND ACTUALLY ORDERING PAPA JOHN'S, HE'S INJURED ENOUGH AS IT IS.

1010. ORDERING PAPA JOHN'S, HE'S INJURED ENOUGH AS IT IS.

1011. INJURED ENOUGH AS IT IS. BUT IF TRUMP DOESN'T BELIEVE

1012. BUT IF TRUMP DOESN'T BELIEVE THIS STUFF, ISN'T THAT EVEN

1013. BUT IF TRUMP DOESN'T BELIEVE THIS STUFF, ISN'T THAT EVEN WORSE?

1014. THIS STUFF, ISN'T THAT EVEN WORSE? IF HE DOESN'T LIKE PAPA JOHN'S,

1015. WORSE? IF HE DOESN'T LIKE PAPA JOHN'S, IT'S LIKE SAYING, WE SHOULD

1016. IF HE DOESN'T LIKE PAPA JOHN'S, IT'S LIKE SAYING, WE SHOULD ROUND UP ALL THE TACO BELLS AND

1017. IT'S LIKE SAYING, WE SHOULD ROUND UP ALL THE TACO BELLS AND SEND THEM BACK TO MEXICO.

1018. ROUND UP ALL THE TACO BELLS AND SEND THEM BACK TO MEXICO. > JEB BUSH AND THE SUPERPAC

1019. SEND THEM BACK TO MEXICO. > JEB BUSH AND THE SUPERPAC SUPPORTING HIM HAVE SPENT MORE

1020. > JEB BUSH AND THE SUPERPAC SUPPORTING HIM HAVE SPENT MORE THAN $30 MILLION IN ADS

1021. SUPPORTING HIM HAVE SPENT MORE THAN $30 MILLION IN ADS SUPPORTING HIM.

1022. THAN $30 MILLION IN ADS SUPPORTING HIM. AND SEEING THOSE ADS, IT DOESN'T

1023. SUPPORTING HIM. AND SEEING THOSE ADS, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THINGS ARE GOING GOOD

1024. AND SEEING THOSE ADS, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THINGS ARE GOING GOOD FOR JEB.

1025. LOOK LIKE THINGS ARE GOING GOOD FOR JEB. > THE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS WERE

1026. FOR JEB. > THE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS WERE ANNOUNCED WITH KENDRICK LAMAR

1027. > THE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS WERE ANNOUNCED WITH KENDRICK LAMAR GETTING 11 NOMINATIONS.

1028. ANNOUNCED WITH KENDRICK LAMAR GETTING 11 NOMINATIONS. IT'S THE FIRST GOOD NEWS IN A

1029. GETTING 11 NOMINATIONS. IT'S THE FIRST GOOD NEWS IN A WHILE ABOUT A BLACK GUY GETTING

1030. IT'S THE FIRST GOOD NEWS IN A WHILE ABOUT A BLACK GUY GETTING SOMETHING 11 TIMES.

1031. WHILE ABOUT A BLACK GUY GETTING SOMETHING 11 TIMES.

1032. SOMETHING 11 TIMES.

1033. > TIME MAGAZINE, THIS WEEK,

1034. > TIME MAGAZINE, THIS WEEK, NAMED ANGELA MERKEL AS ITS 2015

1035. > TIME MAGAZINE, THIS WEEK, NAMED ANGELA MERKEL AS ITS 2015 PERSON OF THE YEAR.

1036. NAMED ANGELA MERKEL AS ITS 2015 PERSON OF THE YEAR. HERE TO COMMENT IS GERMAN

1037. PERSON OF THE YEAR. HERE TO COMMENT IS GERMAN CHANCELLOR, ANGELA MERKEL.

1038. HERE TO COMMENT IS GERMAN CHANCELLOR, ANGELA MERKEL.

1039. CHANCELLOR, ANGELA MERKEL. OOH.

1040. OOH. WHOO.

1041. OOH. WHOO. AAH.

1042. WHOO. AAH.

1043. AAH. ARE YOU OKAY, CHANCELLOR?

1044. ARE YOU OKAY, CHANCELLOR? I'M TRYING TO CELEBRATE AND

1045. ARE YOU OKAY, CHANCELLOR? I'M TRYING TO CELEBRATE AND MY BODY IS REJECTING IT.

1046. I'M TRYING TO CELEBRATE AND MY BODY IS REJECTING IT. YOU MUST BE FLATTERED.

1047. MY BODY IS REJECTING IT. YOU MUST BE FLATTERED. IT'S AN HONOR, RIGHT?

1048. YOU MUST BE FLATTERED. IT'S AN HONOR, RIGHT? OF COURSE.

1049. IT'S AN HONOR, RIGHT? OF COURSE. THIS IS UND HOOT, AS WELL AS UND

1050. OF COURSE. THIS IS UND HOOT, AS WELL AS UND HOLLAR.

1051. THIS IS UND HOOT, AS WELL AS UND HOLLAR.

1052. HOLLAR. 2015 HAS NOT BEEN THE EASIEST

1053. 2015 HAS NOT BEEN THE EASIEST YEAR.

1054. 2015 HAS NOT BEEN THE EASIEST YEAR. GREECE WANTED TO BORROW MORE

1055. YEAR. GREECE WANTED TO BORROW MORE MONEY, SYRIA ASKED IF 1 MILLION

1056. GREECE WANTED TO BORROW MORE MONEY, SYRIA ASKED IF 1 MILLION REFUGEES COULD SLEEP ON MY

1057. MONEY, SYRIA ASKED IF 1 MILLION REFUGEES COULD SLEEP ON MY COUCH.

1058. REFUGEES COULD SLEEP ON MY COUCH.

1059. COUCH. UND, MY FAVORITE BLAZER HAS BEEN

1060. UND, MY FAVORITE BLAZER HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED AT THE, "SHORT AND

1061. UND, MY FAVORITE BLAZER HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED AT THE, "SHORT AND BOXY."

1062. DISCONTINUED AT THE, "SHORT AND BOXY."

1063. BOXY." PLUS COLIN, LOOK AT MY FACE ON

1064. PLUS COLIN, LOOK AT MY FACE ON THE COVER.

1065. PLUS COLIN, LOOK AT MY FACE ON THE COVER. I LOOK LIKE A PILE OF OATMEAL

1066. THE COVER. I LOOK LIKE A PILE OF OATMEAL WITH TWO BLUEBERRIES IN IT.

1067. I LOOK LIKE A PILE OF OATMEAL WITH TWO BLUEBERRIES IN IT.

1068. WITH TWO BLUEBERRIES IN IT. UND MY SMILE.

1069. UND MY SMILE. THIS IS KIND OF A HUGE DEAL.

1070. UND MY SMILE. THIS IS KIND OF A HUGE DEAL. THINK OF IT LIKE AN EARLY

1071. THIS IS KIND OF A HUGE DEAL. THINK OF IT LIKE AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM

1072. THINK OF IT LIKE AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM SANTA CLAUS.

1073. CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM SANTA CLAUS. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

1074. SANTA CLAUS. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT IN GERMANY WE DO NOT HAVE

1075. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT IN GERMANY WE DO NOT HAVE SANTA.

1076. BUT IN GERMANY WE DO NOT HAVE SANTA. WE HAVE AN ANCIENT DEMON NAMED,

1077. SANTA. WE HAVE AN ANCIENT DEMON NAMED, "KRAMPUS."

1078. WE HAVE AN ANCIENT DEMON NAMED, "KRAMPUS."

1079. "KRAMPUS." YES, YOUR HORROR MOVIE IS WHAT

1080. YES, YOUR HORROR MOVIE IS WHAT OUR CHILDREN LOOK FORWARD TO ALL

1081. YES, YOUR HORROR MOVIE IS WHAT OUR CHILDREN LOOK FORWARD TO ALL YEAR.

1082. OUR CHILDREN LOOK FORWARD TO ALL YEAR. IF YOU'RE NICE HE GIVES YOU A

1083. YEAR. IF YOU'RE NICE HE GIVES YOU A TINY BLOCK OF FIG PASTE.

1084. IF YOU'RE NICE HE GIVES YOU A TINY BLOCK OF FIG PASTE.

1085. TINY BLOCK OF FIG PASTE. UND IF YOU'RE BAD, HE ICES YOU

1086. UND IF YOU'RE BAD, HE ICES YOU OUT EMOTIONALLY UNTIL YOU

1087. UND IF YOU'RE BAD, HE ICES YOU OUT EMOTIONALLY UNTIL YOU SCREAM, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!"

1088. OUT EMOTIONALLY UNTIL YOU SCREAM, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!" BUT HE NEVER TELLS.

1089. SCREAM, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!" BUT HE NEVER TELLS.

1090. BUT HE NEVER TELLS. HE JUST ROLLS HIS EYES, UND

1091. HE JUST ROLLS HIS EYES, UND LEAVES YOU TO PUNISH YOURSELF.

1092. HE JUST ROLLS HIS EYES, UND LEAVES YOU TO PUNISH YOURSELF. BELIEVE ME, THIS WORKS.

1093. LEAVES YOU TO PUNISH YOURSELF. BELIEVE ME, THIS WORKS.

1094. BELIEVE ME, THIS WORKS. YEAH, IT SOUNDS TERRIFYING.

1095. YEAH, IT SOUNDS TERRIFYING. NOW, DONALD TRUMP WAS VERY

1096. YEAH, IT SOUNDS TERRIFYING. NOW, DONALD TRUMP WAS VERY CRITICAL OF YOU WINNING THE

1097. NOW, DONALD TRUMP WAS VERY CRITICAL OF YOU WINNING THE TITLE.

1098. CRITICAL OF YOU WINNING THE TITLE. HE SAYS YOU'RE RUINING GERMANY.

1099. TITLE. HE SAYS YOU'RE RUINING GERMANY. OH, YEAH?

1100. HE SAYS YOU'RE RUINING GERMANY. OH, YEAH? I GUESS HE PREFERS OUR EARLIER

1101. OH, YEAH? I GUESS HE PREFERS OUR EARLIER STUFF.

1102. I GUESS HE PREFERS OUR EARLIER STUFF.

1103. STUFF.

1104. THE ONLY THING THAT HE AND I SEE

1105. THE ONLY THING THAT HE AND I SEE EYE-TO-EYE ON IS HAIR SHAPE.

1106. THE ONLY THING THAT HE AND I SEE EYE-TO-EYE ON IS HAIR SHAPE.

1107. EYE-TO-EYE ON IS HAIR SHAPE. WE HAVE THE SAME STYLIST, COLIN.

1108. WE HAVE THE SAME STYLIST, COLIN. SAME STYLIST?

1109. WE HAVE THE SAME STYLIST, COLIN. SAME STYLIST? YES, WE JUST WALK IN, UND WE

1110. SAME STYLIST? YES, WE JUST WALK IN, UND WE YELL, "YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS,

1111. YES, WE JUST WALK IN, UND WE YELL, "YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS, GO!"

1112. YELL, "YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS, GO!"

1113. GO!" AND HAVE YOU HEARD FROM ANY

1114. AND HAVE YOU HEARD FROM ANY OTHER WORLD LEADERS?

1115. AND HAVE YOU HEARD FROM ANY OTHER WORLD LEADERS? YES.

1116. OTHER WORLD LEADERS? YES. ACTUALLY, HILLARY, UND I — WE

1117. YES. ACTUALLY, HILLARY, UND I — WE AND SHE WAS LIKE, "CONGRATS ON

1118. ACTUALLY, HILLARY, UND I — WE AND SHE WAS LIKE, "CONGRATS ON THE COVER, GIRL."

1119. AND SHE WAS LIKE, "CONGRATS ON THE COVER, GIRL." UND I WAS LIKE, "CONGRATS ON THE

1120. THE COVER, GIRL." UND I WAS LIKE, "CONGRATS ON THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEES, GIRL?"

1121. UND I WAS LIKE, "CONGRATS ON THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEES, GIRL?" UND SHE WAS LIKE, "LOL."

1122. REPUBLICAN NOMINEES, GIRL?" UND SHE WAS LIKE, "LOL." UND I WAS LIKE, "DO YOU THINK

1123. UND SHE WAS LIKE, "LOL." UND I WAS LIKE, "DO YOU THINK OBAMA WOULD COVER PHOTO?"

1124. UND I WAS LIKE, "DO YOU THINK OBAMA WOULD COVER PHOTO?" UND SHE WAS LIKE, "I THINK HE'S

1125. OBAMA WOULD COVER PHOTO?" UND SHE WAS LIKE, "I THINK HE'S AT THE CLIMATE SUMMIT."

1126. UND SHE WAS LIKE, "I THINK HE'S AT THE CLIMATE SUMMIT." UND THEN I WAS LIKE, "HE MAKES

1127. AT THE CLIMATE SUMMIT." UND THEN I WAS LIKE, "HE MAKES MY CLIMATE WARM.

1128. UND THEN I WAS LIKE, "HE MAKES MY CLIMATE WARM. UND MORE THAN TWO DEGREES

1129. MY CLIMATE WARM. UND MORE THAN TWO DEGREES CELSIUS."

1130. UND MORE THAN TWO DEGREES CELSIUS."

1131. CELSIUS." WELL I HOPE YOU TAKE SOME

1132. WELL I HOPE YOU TAKE SOME TIME TO ENJOY THIS MOMENT,

1133. WELL I HOPE YOU TAKE SOME TIME TO ENJOY THIS MOMENT, CHANCELLOR.

1134. TIME TO ENJOY THIS MOMENT, CHANCELLOR. OH, I WILL.

1135. CHANCELLOR. OH, I WILL. OUR CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY IS COMING

1136. OH, I WILL. OUR CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY IS COMING UP UND I PLAN TO TAKE THE FULL

1137. OUR CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY IS COMING UP UND I PLAN TO TAKE THE FULL THREE HOURS.

1138. UP UND I PLAN TO TAKE THE FULL THREE HOURS.

1139. THREE HOURS. I WILL GET TURNED UP!

1140. I WILL GET TURNED UP! SO MUCH EGG-NOD.

1141. I WILL GET TURNED UP! SO MUCH EGG-NOD. I'M SORRY, DID YOU SAY EGG

1142. SO MUCH EGG-NOD. I'M SORRY, DID YOU SAY EGG NOD?

1143. I'M SORRY, DID YOU SAY EGG NOD? YES, THIS IS WHEN YOU WATCH A

1144. NOD? YES, THIS IS WHEN YOU WATCH A CHICKEN HATCH FROM AN EGG, UND

1145. YES, THIS IS WHEN YOU WATCH A CHICKEN HATCH FROM AN EGG, UND YOU NOD AT IT.

1146. CHICKEN HATCH FROM AN EGG, UND YOU NOD AT IT. UND IT NODS BACK AT YOU AS IF TO

1147. YOU NOD AT IT. UND IT NODS BACK AT YOU AS IF TO SAY, "WE ARE ALL BORN, UND WE

1148. UND IT NODS BACK AT YOU AS IF TO SAY, "WE ARE ALL BORN, UND WE SHALL ALL DIE."

1149. SAY, "WE ARE ALL BORN, UND WE SHALL ALL DIE." MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

1150. SHALL ALL DIE." MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! ANGELA MERKEL, EVERYONE!

1151. MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! ANGELA MERKEL, EVERYONE!

1152. ANGELA MERKEL, EVERYONE! > A COUPLE IN BROOKLYN ADOPTED

1153. > A COUPLE IN BROOKLYN ADOPTED A KITTEN.

1154. > A COUPLE IN BROOKLYN ADOPTED A KITTEN. CONGRATULATIONS.

1155. A KITTEN. CONGRATULATIONS. YOUR PLAN WORKED, JAVIER!

1156. CONGRATULATIONS. YOUR PLAN WORKED, JAVIER! > A FORMER ACTOR WHO PLAYED

1157. YOUR PLAN WORKED, JAVIER! > A FORMER ACTOR WHO PLAYED CHARLIE BROWN WAS ARRESTED FOR

1158. > A FORMER ACTOR WHO PLAYED CHARLIE BROWN WAS ARRESTED FOR MAKING CRIMINAL THREATS.

1159. CHARLIE BROWN WAS ARRESTED FOR MAKING CRIMINAL THREATS. ALL BECAUSE HE HAD A PSYCHIATRIC

1160. MAKING CRIMINAL THREATS. ALL BECAUSE HE HAD A PSYCHIATRIC AIR.

1161. ALL BECAUSE HE HAD A PSYCHIATRIC AIR. > PRINGLES HAS MADE A NEW

1162. AIR. > PRINGLES HAS MADE A NEW CANDLE SCENT IN CASE PEOPLE WANT

1163. > PRINGLES HAS MADE A NEW CANDLE SCENT IN CASE PEOPLE WANT TO DIE IN A PRINGLES FIRE.

1164. CANDLE SCENT IN CASE PEOPLE WANT TO DIE IN A PRINGLES FIRE. IN A NEW INTERVIEW,

1165. TO DIE IN A PRINGLES FIRE. IN A NEW INTERVIEW, BURT REYNOLDS CRITICIZED

1166. IN A NEW INTERVIEW, BURT REYNOLDS CRITICIZED CHARLIE SHEEN SAYING, "HE

1167. BURT REYNOLDS CRITICIZED CHARLIE SHEEN SAYING, "HE DESERVED TO GET HIV."

1168. CHARLIE SHEEN SAYING, "HE DESERVED TO GET HIV." ADDING, "FOR HIS WORK IN 'MAJOR

1169. DESERVED TO GET HIV." ADDING, "FOR HIS WORK IN 'MAJOR LEAGUE 2.'"

1170. ADDING, "FOR HIS WORK IN 'MAJOR LEAGUE 2.'"

1171. LEAGUE 2.'" > A WOMAN WAS CAUGHT DRUNK

1172. > A WOMAN WAS CAUGHT DRUNK DRIVING SAYING REPEATEDLY SHE

1173. > A WOMAN WAS CAUGHT DRUNK DRIVING SAYING REPEATEDLY SHE WAS LOOKING FOR NEW JERSEY.

1174. DRIVING SAYING REPEATEDLY SHE WAS LOOKING FOR NEW JERSEY. BUT YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE DRIVING

1175. WAS LOOKING FOR NEW JERSEY. BUT YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE DRIVING AROUND DRUNK, YOU DON'T NEED TO

1176. BUT YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE DRIVING AROUND DRUNK, YOU DON'T NEED TO LOOK FOR NEW JERSEY BECAUSE IT'S

1177. AROUND DRUNK, YOU DON'T NEED TO LOOK FOR NEW JERSEY BECAUSE IT'S BEEN INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME.

1178. LOOK FOR NEW JERSEY BECAUSE IT'S BEEN INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME. THE GOLDEN GLOBES WERE

1179. BEEN INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME. THE GOLDEN GLOBES WERE ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK, HONORING

1180. THE GOLDEN GLOBES WERE ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK, HONORING THE BEST IN FILM AND TELEVISION.

1181. ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK, HONORING THE BEST IN FILM AND TELEVISION. HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR OWN,

1182. THE BEST IN FILM AND TELEVISION. HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR OWN, LESLIE JONES.

1183. HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR OWN, LESLIE JONES. MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU TALL

1184. LESLIE JONES. MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU TALL TASTY EGGNOG.

1185. MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU TALL TASTY EGGNOG.

1186. TASTY EGGNOG. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS

1187. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS YEAR'S NOMINEES?

1188. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS YEAR'S NOMINEES? MAN, I'M MAD AS HELL, COLIN.

1189. YEAR'S NOMINEES? MAN, I'M MAD AS HELL, COLIN. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GOLDEN

1190. MAN, I'M MAD AS HELL, COLIN. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GOLDEN GLOBES SNUBBED THE GREATEST SHOW

1191. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GOLDEN GLOBES SNUBBED THE GREATEST SHOW ON TELEVISION.

1192. GLOBES SNUBBED THE GREATEST SHOW ON TELEVISION. IT'S CALLED "BREAKING BAD."

1193. ON TELEVISION. IT'S CALLED "BREAKING BAD." I'M SORRY, "BREAKING BAD"?

1194. IT'S CALLED "BREAKING BAD." I'M SORRY, "BREAKING BAD"? THAT CAME OUT ABOUT SEVEN YEARS

1195. I'M SORRY, "BREAKING BAD"? THAT CAME OUT ABOUT SEVEN YEARS AGO.

1196. THAT CAME OUT ABOUT SEVEN YEARS AGO. THE GUY FROM "MALCOLM IN THE

1197. AGO. THE GUY FROM "MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE" GETS CANCER, RIGHT?

1198. THE GUY FROM "MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE" GETS CANCER, RIGHT? YEAH.

1199. MIDDLE" GETS CANCER, RIGHT? YEAH. SO HE STARTS COOKING METH.

1200. YEAH. SO HE STARTS COOKING METH. GREAT IDEA, RIGHT?

1201. SO HE STARTS COOKING METH. GREAT IDEA, RIGHT? SURE.

1202. GREAT IDEA, RIGHT? SURE. BUT HIS WIFE, SKYLAR, SHE

1203. SURE. BUT HIS WIFE, SKYLAR, SHE DON'T APPROVE.

1204. BUT HIS WIFE, SKYLAR, SHE DON'T APPROVE. I MEAN, MR. WHITE IS MAKING A

1205. DON'T APPROVE. I MEAN, MR. WHITE IS MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS A DAY, COLIN.

1206. I MEAN, MR. WHITE IS MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS A DAY, COLIN. A DAY!

1207. MILLION DOLLARS A DAY, COLIN. A DAY! AND SHE STILL NOT HAPPY!

1208. A DAY! AND SHE STILL NOT HAPPY! I'M LIKE, YOU NEED TO GET YOUR

1209. AND SHE STILL NOT HAPPY! I'M LIKE, YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS IN THERE AND JUGGLE THEM

1210. I'M LIKE, YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS IN THERE AND JUGGLE THEM BALLS, BITCH!

1211. ASS IN THERE AND JUGGLE THEM BALLS, BITCH!

1212. BALLS, BITCH! THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE, OKAY!

1213. THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE, OKAY! LESLIE, "BREAKING BAD" CAME

1214. THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE, OKAY! LESLIE, "BREAKING BAD" CAME OUT SEVEN YEARS AGO ON AMC.

1215. LESLIE, "BREAKING BAD" CAME OUT SEVEN YEARS AGO ON AMC. WHAT'S THIS AMC?

1216. OUT SEVEN YEARS AGO ON AMC. WHAT'S THIS AMC? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I

1217. WHAT'S THIS AMC? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I TELL YOU ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.

1218. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I TELL YOU ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. I'M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH

1219. TELL YOU ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. I'M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

1220. I'M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. DO YOU THINK I HEAR YOU TALK?

1221. YOU. DO YOU THINK I HEAR YOU TALK? ANYWAY, MR. WHITE IS MAKING A

1222. DO YOU THINK I HEAR YOU TALK? ANYWAY, MR. WHITE IS MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS A DAY, SO HE GOT

1223. ANYWAY, MR. WHITE IS MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS A DAY, SO HE GOT ME THINKING ABOUT MY RETIREMENT,

1224. MILLION DOLLARS A DAY, SO HE GOT ME THINKING ABOUT MY RETIREMENT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

1225. ME THINKING ABOUT MY RETIREMENT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? SO I ENROLLED MYSELF IN A HIGH

1226. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? SO I ENROLLED MYSELF IN A HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY CLASS.

1227. SO I ENROLLED MYSELF IN A HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY CLASS. WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU SAYING

1228. SCHOOL CHEMISTRY CLASS. WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO START MAKING

1229. WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO START MAKING METH?

1230. YOU'RE GOING TO START MAKING METH? EVENTUALLY.

1231. METH? EVENTUALLY. WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE METH

1232. EVENTUALLY. WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE METH YET.

1233. WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE METH YET. WE'RE STILL MAKING VOLCANOS.

1234. YET. WE'RE STILL MAKING VOLCANOS. THEY WON'T LET US GET TO THE

1235. WE'RE STILL MAKING VOLCANOS. THEY WON'T LET US GET TO THE GOOD STUFF.

1236. THEY WON'T LET US GET TO THE GOOD STUFF. BUT I ALREADY SOLD THE BEAKERS

1237. GOOD STUFF. BUT I ALREADY SOLD THE BEAKERS AND BUNSON BURNERS AND PARKED IT

1238. BUT I ALREADY SOLD THE BEAKERS AND BUNSON BURNERS AND PARKED IT UNDER THE TREE.

1239. AND BUNSON BURNERS AND PARKED IT UNDER THE TREE. YOU'RE SAYING YOU TOOK A METH

1240. UNDER THE TREE. YOU'RE SAYING YOU TOOK A METH LAB AND PARKED IT UNDER THE

1241. YOU'RE SAYING YOU TOOK A METH LAB AND PARKED IT UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE AT THE

1242. LAB AND PARKED IT UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE AT THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

1243. CHRISTMAS TREE AT THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER. YEAH.

1244. ROCKEFELLER CENTER. YEAH. THE ONLY THING I NEED NOW IS AN

1245. YEAH. THE ONLY THING I NEED NOW IS AN EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED WHITE BOY.

1246. THE ONLY THING I NEED NOW IS AN EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED WHITE BOY. DO YOU WANT TO BE MY JESSE?

1247. EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED WHITE BOY. DO YOU WANT TO BE MY JESSE? I WOULD, LESLIE, BUT I'M NOT

1248. DO YOU WANT TO BE MY JESSE? I WOULD, LESLIE, BUT I'M NOT EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED.

1249. I WOULD, LESLIE, BUT I'M NOT EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED. YOU WILL BE WHEN I'M FINISHED

1250. EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED. YOU WILL BE WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU.

1251. YOU WILL BE WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU. THAT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE."

1252. WITH YOU. THAT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M COLIN JOST.

1253. THAT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M COLIN JOST. AND I'M MICHAEL CHE!

1254. > GIRLS, I MEANT TO TELL YOU I FINALLY SAW "MAGIC MIKE." DID YOU LIKE IT?

1255. FINALLY SAW "MAGIC MIKE." DID YOU LIKE IT? YES.

1256. DID YOU LIKE IT? YES. CHANNING TATUM IS TO DIE FOR.

1257. YES. CHANNING TATUM IS TO DIE FOR. BUT NONE OF THEM HOLD A

1258. CHANNING TATUM IS TO DIE FOR. BUT NONE OF THEM HOLD A CANDLE TO "SAY ANYTHING."

1259. WHAT ABOUT CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN "THOR." TOTALLY GOOD CALL, CLAIR.

1260. "THOR." TOTALLY GOOD CALL, CLAIR. HUNKY MAN IN SEXY ARMOR?

1261. TOTALLY GOOD CALL, CLAIR. HUNKY MAN IN SEXY ARMOR? YES, PLEASE.

1262. HUNKY MAN IN SEXY ARMOR? YES, PLEASE. I'D RATHER SEE HIM OUT OF THE

1263. YES, PLEASE. I'D RATHER SEE HIM OUT OF THE ARMOR.

1264. I'D RATHER SEE HIM OUT OF THE ARMOR. WOULDN'T YOU, BITCHES?

1265. ARMOR. WOULDN'T YOU, BITCHES? AND PAUL RUDD IN "CLUELESS."

1266. WOULDN'T YOU, BITCHES? AND PAUL RUDD IN "CLUELESS." YES.

1267. AND PAUL RUDD IN "CLUELESS." YES. THAT IS CLASSIC HOT.

1268. YES. THAT IS CLASSIC HOT. YEAH, HE'S PRETTY GOOD BUT

1269. HE'S NO CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN "THOR." THAT SCENE WHERE HE COMES HOME

1270. "THOR." THAT SCENE WHERE HE COMES HOME FROM BATTLE AND HAS HIS SHIRT

1271. THAT SCENE WHERE HE COMES HOME FROM BATTLE AND HAS HIS SHIRT OFF, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM.

1272. FROM BATTLE AND HAS HIS SHIRT OFF, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM. WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW A LOT

1273. OFF, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM. WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT THAT MOVIE "THOR."

1274. WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT THAT MOVIE "THOR." AND THAT SEXY RED CAPE OF HIS

1275. ABOUT THAT MOVIE "THOR." AND THAT SEXY RED CAPE OF HIS ALWAYS BRUSHING AGAINST HIS BIG

1276. AND THAT SEXY RED CAPE OF HIS ALWAYS BRUSHING AGAINST HIS BIG BUTT.

1277. ALWAYS BRUSHING AGAINST HIS BIG BUTT. OH, TO BE THAT CAPE.

1278. BUTT. OH, TO BE THAT CAPE. AM I RIGHT, BITCHES?

1279. OH, TO BE THAT CAPE. AM I RIGHT, BITCHES? OKAY, BATHROOM TIME.

1280. AM I RIGHT, BITCHES? OKAY, BATHROOM TIME. BRB.

1281. OKAY, BATHROOM TIME. BRB. HEY, GUYS, CRAZY QUESTION.

1282. BRB. HEY, GUYS, CRAZY QUESTION. IS OUR FRIEND CLAIR ACTUALLY

1283. HEY, GUYS, CRAZY QUESTION. IS OUR FRIEND CLAIR ACTUALLY CHRIS HEMSWORTH?

1284. IS OUR FRIEND CLAIR ACTUALLY CHRIS HEMSWORTH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

1285. CHRIS HEMSWORTH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LIKE THE MOVIE STAR?

1286. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LIKE THE MOVIE STAR? YEAH.

1287. LIKE THE MOVIE STAR? YEAH. I MEAN, I COULD BE WRONG AND

1288. YEAH. I MEAN, I COULD BE WRONG AND THAT COULD JUST BE OUR FRIEND

1289. I MEAN, I COULD BE WRONG AND THAT COULD JUST BE OUR FRIEND CLAIR, BUT IT KIND OF SEEMS LIKE

1290. THAT COULD JUST BE OUR FRIEND CLAIR, BUT IT KIND OF SEEMS LIKE IT'S CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN

1291. CLAIR, BUT IT KIND OF SEEMS LIKE IT'S CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN DISGUISE.

1292. IT'S CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN DISGUISE. BUT WE'VE HEN FRIENDS WITH

1293. DISGUISE. BUT WE'VE HEN FRIENDS WITH CLAIR FOR YEARS.

1294. BUT WE'VE HEN FRIENDS WITH CLAIR FOR YEARS. WELL, WAIT.

1295. CLAIR FOR YEARS. WELL, WAIT. HAVE WE?

1296. WELL, WAIT. HAVE WE? ACTUALLY, COME TO THINK OF

1297. HAVE WE? ACTUALLY, COME TO THINK OF IT, I'VE NEVER MET CLAIR BEFORE

1298. ACTUALLY, COME TO THINK OF IT, I'VE NEVER MET CLAIR BEFORE TODAY.

1299. IT, I'VE NEVER MET CLAIR BEFORE TODAY. I'M BACK, BITCHES.

1300. TODAY. I'M BACK, BITCHES. HI, CLAIR.

1301. I'M BACK, BITCHES. HI, CLAIR. ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT

1302. HI, CLAIR. ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT FOX CHRIS HEMSWORTH?

1303. ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT FOX CHRIS HEMSWORTH? SORT OF.

1304. THAT FOX CHRIS HEMSWORTH? SORT OF. YOU KNOW, I HEARD HE'S MAKING

1305. SORT OF. YOU KNOW, I HEARD HE'S MAKING A THIRD "THOR" MOVIE?

1306. YOU KNOW, I HEARD HE'S MAKING A THIRD "THOR" MOVIE? IT'S LIKE, DO WE REALLY NEED

1307. A THIRD "THOR" MOVIE? IT'S LIKE, DO WE REALLY NEED THREE?

1308. IT'S LIKE, DO WE REALLY NEED THREE? YES, WE DO, SO SHUT UP.

1309. THREE? YES, WE DO, SO SHUT UP. I WOULD WATCH CHRIS IN A

1310. YES, WE DO, SO SHUT UP. I WOULD WATCH CHRIS IN A THOUSAND THORS AS LONG AS HE HAS

1311. I WOULD WATCH CHRIS IN A THOUSAND THORS AS LONG AS HE HAS THAT BIG, HARD HAMMER.

1312. THOUSAND THORS AS LONG AS HE HAS THAT BIG, HARD HAMMER. AM I RIGHT, BITCHES?

1313. THAT BIG, HARD HAMMER. AM I RIGHT, BITCHES? WE DON'T REALLY CALL EACH

1314. AM I RIGHT, BITCHES? WE DON'T REALLY CALL EACH OTHER THAT.

1315. WE DON'T REALLY CALL EACH OTHER THAT. CLAIR, CAN WE TALK ABOUT

1316. OTHER THAT. CLAIR, CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING?

1317. CLAIR, CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING? I KNOW WHAT WE CAN TALK

1318. SOMETHING? I KNOW WHAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT.

1319. I KNOW WHAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT. YOU KNOW HOW HOLLYWOOD ACTORS

1320. ABOUT. YOU KNOW HOW HOLLYWOOD ACTORS USE MAKEUP TO DEFINE THEIR ABS?

1321. YOU KNOW HOW HOLLYWOOD ACTORS USE MAKEUP TO DEFINE THEIR ABS? NOT CHRIS HEMSWORTH.

1322. USE MAKEUP TO DEFINE THEIR ABS? NOT CHRIS HEMSWORTH. HIS ARE THE REAL DEAL.

1323. NOT CHRIS HEMSWORTH. HIS ARE THE REAL DEAL. I AGREE WITH THAT.

1324. HIS ARE THE REAL DEAL. I AGREE WITH THAT. HE IS PRETTY RIPPED.

1325. I AGREE WITH THAT. HE IS PRETTY RIPPED. PRETTY?

1326. HE IS PRETTY RIPPED. PRETTY? TRY VERY.

1327. PRETTY? TRY VERY. I HEARD HE LOST A LOT OF

1328. TRY VERY. I HEARD HE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT FOR THAT NEW MOBY DICK

1329. I HEARD HE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT FOR THAT NEW MOBY DICK MOVIE, THOUGH.

1330. WEIGHT FOR THAT NEW MOBY DICK MOVIE, THOUGH. OH, HE'S STILL HUGE.

1331. MOVIE, THOUGH. OH, HE'S STILL HUGE. NO WONDER MOBY DICK WANTS TO EAT

1332. OH, HE'S STILL HUGE. NO WONDER MOBY DICK WANTS TO EAT HIM.

1333. NO WONDER MOBY DICK WANTS TO EAT HIM. HE LOOKS THICK AND DELICIOUS.

1334. HIM. HE LOOKS THICK AND DELICIOUS. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS HOT?

1335. HE LOOKS THICK AND DELICIOUS. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS HOT? LIAM HEMSWORTH.

1336. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS HOT? LIAM HEMSWORTH. NO WAY.

1337. LIAM HEMSWORTH. NO WAY. LIAM IS GROSS.

1338. NO WAY. LIAM IS GROSS. I HEARD HE BREAST-FED UNTIL HE

1339. LIAM IS GROSS. I HEARD HE BREAST-FED UNTIL HE WAS FOUR.

1340. I HEARD HE BREAST-FED UNTIL HE WAS FOUR. WHERE WOULD YOU HAVE HEARD

1341. WAS FOUR. WHERE WOULD YOU HAVE HEARD THAT, CLAIR?

1342. WHERE WOULD YOU HAVE HEARD THAT, CLAIR? OOPS, THERE'S MY PESKY

1343. THAT, CLAIR? OOPS, THERE'S MY PESKY BLADDER AGAIN OFF TO THE

1344. OOPS, THERE'S MY PESKY BLADDER AGAIN OFF TO THE BATHROOM.

1345. BLADDER AGAIN OFF TO THE BATHROOM. OKAY, I'M SURE NOW MORE THAN

1346. BATHROOM. OKAY, I'M SURE NOW MORE THAN EVER THAT OUR FRIEND CLAIR IS

1347. OKAY, I'M SURE NOW MORE THAN EVER THAT OUR FRIEND CLAIR IS ACTUALLY CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN A

1348. EVER THAT OUR FRIEND CLAIR IS ACTUALLY CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN A DRESS AND WIG.

1349. ACTUALLY CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN A DRESS AND WIG. WHY WOULD CHRIS HEMSWORTH DO

1350. DRESS AND WIG. WHY WOULD CHRIS HEMSWORTH DO THIS?

1351. WHY WOULD CHRIS HEMSWORTH DO THIS? HE'S A VERY FAMOUS ACTOR.

1352. THIS? HE'S A VERY FAMOUS ACTOR. THAT WOULD MAKE HIM INSANE.

1353. HE'S A VERY FAMOUS ACTOR. THAT WOULD MAKE HIM INSANE. YOU'RE RIGHT.

1354. THAT WOULD MAKE HIM INSANE. YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S DEFINITELY OUR FRIEND

1355. YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S DEFINITELY OUR FRIEND CLAIR.

1356. IT'S DEFINITELY OUR FRIEND CLAIR. YOU KNOW, CLAIR, FROM COLLEGE,

1357. CLAIR. YOU KNOW, CLAIR, FROM COLLEGE, OR GROWING UP OR SOMETHING.

1358. YOU KNOW, CLAIR, FROM COLLEGE, OR GROWING UP OR SOMETHING. OH, LOOK.

1359. OR GROWING UP OR SOMETHING. OH, LOOK. CLAIR GOT A TEXT.

1360. OH, LOOK. CLAIR GOT A TEXT. FROM ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

1361. CLAIR GOT A TEXT. FROM ROBERT DOWNEY JR. GIRLS, DOES CLAIR KNOW ROBERT

1362. FROM ROBERT DOWNEY JR. GIRLS, DOES CLAIR KNOW ROBERT DOWNEY JR.?

1363. GIRLS, DOES CLAIR KNOW ROBERT DOWNEY JR.? HERE'S A BETTER QUESTION.

1364. DOWNEY JR.? HERE'S A BETTER QUESTION. DOES CLAIR —

1365. HERE'S A BETTER QUESTION. DOES CLAIR — I'M BACK, BITCHES.

1366. DOES CLAIR — I'M BACK, BITCHES. DID YOU MISS ME, BITCHES?

1367. I'M BACK, BITCHES. DID YOU MISS ME, BITCHES? CLAIR, WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR

1368. DID YOU MISS ME, BITCHES? CLAIR, WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

1369. CLAIR, WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. ARE YOU CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN A WIG

1370. YOU. ARE YOU CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN A WIG AND DRESS?

1371. ARE YOU CHRIS HEMSWORTH IN A WIG AND DRESS? I AM.

1372. AND DRESS? I AM. I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF

1373. I AM. I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF GIRLS STILL LIKE ME.

1374. I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF GIRLS STILL LIKE ME. EVERYONE THESE DAYS KEEP TALKING

1375. GIRLS STILL LIKE ME. EVERYONE THESE DAYS KEEP TALKING ABOUT CHRIS PRATT AND RYAN KOS

1376. EVERYONE THESE DAYS KEEP TALKING ABOUT CHRIS PRATT AND RYAN KOS — GOSLING AND FREAKING LIAM

1377. ABOUT CHRIS PRATT AND RYAN KOS — GOSLING AND FREAKING LIAM HEMSWORTH FROM "THE HUNGER

1378. — GOSLING AND FREAKING LIAM HEMSWORTH FROM "THE HUNGER GAMES."

1379. HEMSWORTH FROM "THE HUNGER GAMES." I JUST WANT TO KNOW, AM I STILL

1380. GAMES." I JUST WANT TO KNOW, AM I STILL A HUNK?

1381. I JUST WANT TO KNOW, AM I STILL A HUNK? OF COURSE, CHRIS.

1382. A HUNK? OF COURSE, CHRIS. YOU'RE A HUNK.

1383. OF COURSE, CHRIS. YOU'RE A HUNK. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A HUNK.

1384. YOU'RE A HUNK. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A HUNK. NO, THIS WAS BAD AND YOU'RE

1385. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A HUNK. NO, THIS WAS BAD AND YOU'RE WEIRD NOW.

1386. NO, THIS WAS BAD AND YOU'RE WEIRD NOW.

1387. DRINK UP MY BOYS. AND MIND YOUR MANNERS, WE HAVE A

1388. DRINK UP MY BOYS. AND MIND YOUR MANNERS, WE HAVE A GUEST ABOARD.

1389. AND MIND YOUR MANNERS, WE HAVE A GUEST ABOARD. THE GOVENOR WOULD PAY A FINE

1390. GUEST ABOARD. THE GOVENOR WOULD PAY A FINE RANSOM FOR YOU.

1391. THE GOVENOR WOULD PAY A FINE RANSOM FOR YOU. YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

1392. RANSOM FOR YOU. YOU'RE DISGUSTING. WHY THANK YOU.

1393. YOU'RE DISGUSTING. WHY THANK YOU. NOW LET'S GIVE HER A PIRATE'S

1394. WHY THANK YOU. NOW LET'S GIVE HER A PIRATE'S WELCOME.

1395. NOW LET'S GIVE HER A PIRATE'S WELCOME.

1396. WELCOME. ♪ MY NAME IS

1397. ♪ MY NAME IS CAPTAIN JUNGBEARD

1398. CAPTAIN JUNGBEARD I RIDE UPON THE WAVES ♪ ♪ AND IF THE QUEEN

1399. I RIDE UPON THE WAVES ♪ ♪ AND IF THE QUEEN SENDS HER CHIMPS

1400. THE GUNNER ME AIM IS DEADLY CRUEL ♪ ♪ I'LL SEND A BALL RIGHT

1401. ME AIM IS DEADLY CRUEL ♪ ♪ I'LL SEND A BALL RIGHT THROUGH YOUR HOLE

1402. THROUGH YOUR HOLE AND SINK YE IN THE BLUE ♪ ♪ I'M CUT THROAT DAVE

1403. AND SINK YE IN THE BLUE ♪ ♪ I'M CUT THROAT DAVE THE BUCCANEER

1404. MY SOUL IS SCARRED AND DEAD ♪ ♪ AND IF YE DARE TO CROSS ME

1405. WHO WAS THAT? USE YOUR PRETTY EARS, THAT

1406. WHO WAS THAT? USE YOUR PRETTY EARS, THAT WAS MARK.

1407. USE YOUR PRETTY EARS, THAT WAS MARK. AND HE KEEPS THINGS FUN.

1408. WAS MARK. AND HE KEEPS THINGS FUN. I MADE A LITTLE OUTFIT FOR

1409. AND HE KEEPS THINGS FUN. I MADE A LITTLE OUTFIT FOR THE PARROT.

1410. I MADE A LITTLE OUTFIT FOR THE PARROT. COME ON, THAT'S THE KIND OF

1411. THE PARROT. COME ON, THAT'S THE KIND OF STUFF I DO.

1412. COME ON, THAT'S THE KIND OF STUFF I DO. KEEPING IT LIGHT, KEEPING IT

1413. STUFF I DO. KEEPING IT LIGHT, KEEPING IT FUN!

1414. KEEPING IT LIGHT, KEEPING IT FUN! EXPECT THIS KIND OF STUFF FROM

1415. FUN! EXPECT THIS KIND OF STUFF FROM ME.

1416. EXPECT THIS KIND OF STUFF FROM ME.

1417. ME. ♪ SO BURY ME BOENZ WITH DAVY

1418. JONES ♪ AND DRINK A RUM FOR ME ♪ WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARK?

1419. AND DRINK A RUM FOR ME ♪ WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARK? HE'S OKAY.

1420. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARK? HE'S OKAY. GENTLEMEN!

1421. HE'S OKAY. GENTLEMEN! I'M SITTING ON THE CANNON!

1422. GENTLEMEN! I'M SITTING ON THE CANNON! OH MARK, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

1423. I'M SITTING ON THE CANNON! OH MARK, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.

1424. OH MARK, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT. MARK IS THE BEST.

1425. OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT. MARK IS THE BEST. THAT'S WHAT MARK DOES.

1426. MARK IS THE BEST. THAT'S WHAT MARK DOES. EVERY SHIP NEEDS A MARK.

1427. THAT'S WHAT MARK DOES. EVERY SHIP NEEDS A MARK. THE SEA WILL DRIVE YOU MAD

1428. EVERY SHIP NEEDS A MARK. THE SEA WILL DRIVE YOU MAD WITHOUT A BUFFOON TO KEEP YA

1429. THE SEA WILL DRIVE YOU MAD WITHOUT A BUFFOON TO KEEP YA GUESSING.

1430. WITHOUT A BUFFOON TO KEEP YA GUESSING. IT'S TRUE, AND MARK, HE'S GOT

1431. GUESSING. IT'S TRUE, AND MARK, HE'S GOT THIS ONE CHARACTER HE DOES NAMED

1432. IT'S TRUE, AND MARK, HE'S GOT THIS ONE CHARACTER HE DOES NAMED JEFFIE.

1433. THIS ONE CHARACTER HE DOES NAMED JEFFIE. HE'S GOT TWO HOOKS FOR HANDS —

1434. JEFFIE. HE'S GOT TWO HOOKS FOR HANDS — I'M NOT EVEN DOING IT JUSTICE.

1435. HE'S GOT TWO HOOKS FOR HANDS — I'M NOT EVEN DOING IT JUSTICE. YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT.

1436. I'M NOT EVEN DOING IT JUSTICE. YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT. I'D RATHER NOT.

1437. YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT. I'D RATHER NOT. I DON'T KNOW.

1438. I'D RATHER NOT. I DON'T KNOW. OKAY, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A

1439. I DON'T KNOW. OKAY, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A BEAT.

1440. OKAY, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A BEAT. MARK, MARK!

1441. BEAT. MARK, MARK! GO, MARK!

1442. MARK, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1443. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1444. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1445. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1446. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1447. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1448. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! GO, MARK!

1449. GO, MARK! GO, MARK! MARK, HE JUST HOPPED INTO THE

1450. GO, MARK! MARK, HE JUST HOPPED INTO THE BRINY DEEP.

1451. MARK, HE JUST HOPPED INTO THE BRINY DEEP. YOU JUST WENT OVERBOARD!

1452. BRINY DEEP. YOU JUST WENT OVERBOARD! YOU'RE NOT EVEN WET!

1453. YOU JUST WENT OVERBOARD! YOU'RE NOT EVEN WET! HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

1454. YOU'RE NOT EVEN WET! HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I MEAN DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

1455. HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I MEAN DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? IT'S GONNA BE SO OBVIOUS!

1456. I MEAN DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? IT'S GONNA BE SO OBVIOUS! YOU'RE GONNA BE MAD YOU DIDN'T

1457. IT'S GONNA BE SO OBVIOUS! YOU'RE GONNA BE MAD YOU DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

1458. YOU'RE GONNA BE MAD YOU DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

1459. FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. I DO BUT I DON'T.

1460. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. I DO BUT I DON'T. HEY, GUYS!

1461. I DO BUT I DON'T. HEY, GUYS! CAN SOMEONE HELP ME IN THE

1462. HEY, GUYS! CAN SOMEONE HELP ME IN THE BATHROOM?

1463. > ONCE AGAIN, CHANCE THE RAPPER.

1464. I SHOULD BRING MY BUTT TO CHURCH ♪ ♪ YOU GOTTA MOVE IT SLOWLY

1465. TO CHURCH ♪ ♪ YOU GOTTA MOVE IT SLOWLY TAKE AND EAT MY BODY LIKE

1466. TAKE AND EAT MY BODY LIKE IT'S HOLY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU

1467. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR THE WHOLE WEEK ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU

1468. FOR THE WHOLE WEEK ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU YOU'RE MY SUNDAY CANDY

1469. COME ON IN THIS HOUSE CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN ♪ ♪ RAIN DOWN ZION IT'S

1470. CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN ♪ ♪ RAIN DOWN ZION IT'S GONNA RAIN

1471. GONNA RAIN YOU BETTER COME ON IN THIS HOUSE CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN

1472. YOU BETTER COME ON IN THIS HOUSE CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN RAIN DOWN ZION IT'S GONNA RAIN

1473. I COME TO CHURCH FOR THE ♪ ♪ CANDY YOUR PEPPERMINTS IS THE TRUTH

1474. I HAD TWEAKED AND MISSED YOU YOU LOOK SO GOOD WITH THAT ♪ ♪ HAT ON HAD TO MATCH WITH

1475. YOU LOOK SO GOOD WITH THAT ♪ ♪ HAT ON HAD TO MATCH WITH THE SHOES

1476. DINNER FIFTY ROLLS ON MY PLATE HELLA HOLES IN MY STOCKING HOLDING YOUR POCKETS IN PLACE

1477. HOLDING YOUR POCKETS IN PLACE I LIKE MY LOVE WITH A BUDGET ♪ ♪ I LIKE MY HUGS WITH A SCENT

1478. YOU SMELL LIKE LIGHT GAS WATER ELECTRICITY RENT YOU SOUND LIKE WHY THE

1479. YOU SOUND LIKE WHY THE GOSPEL CHOIR GOT SO TIRED ♪ ♪ AND HIS PRAISE IS DAILY

1480. GOSPEL CHOIR GOT SO TIRED ♪ ♪ AND HIS PRAISE IS DAILY BASIS SO I GOTTA TRY IT

1481. YOU'RE MY DREAMCATCHER DREAM TEAM TEAM CAPTAIN ♪ ♪ MATTER FACT I AIN'T SEEN

1482. TEAM TEAM CAPTAIN ♪ ♪ MATTER FACT I AIN'T SEEN YOU IN A MINUTE LEMME TAKE MY

1483. YOU IN A MINUTE LEMME TAKE MY BUTT TO CHURCH ♪ THIS HOUSE COME ON IN THIS

1484. BUTT TO CHURCH ♪ THIS HOUSE COME ON IN THIS HOUSE CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN

1485. HOUSE CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN IT'S GONNA RAIN ♪ ♪ MOMMA YOU KNOW ITS 'GON

1486. IT'S GONNA RAIN ♪ ♪ MOMMA YOU KNOW ITS 'GON RAIN FATHER YOU KNOW

1487. PROMISE YOU SAID IT WOULD RAIN FINALLY I'M HOME ♪ ♪ LEFT ON THE LIGHT WHEN

1488. FINALLY I'M HOME ♪ ♪ LEFT ON THE LIGHT WHEN I LEFT

1489. ON THE FLIGHT BUT I MADE IT ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK

1490. MADE IT ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK JUST TO SAY IT ALL NIGHT

1491. JUST TO SAY IT ALL NIGHT SAVING A LIFE HAD TO SAY SOMETHING

1492. HAD TO SAY SOMETHING ON SATURDAY ♪ ♪ SEE YA AT CHURCH ON SUNDAY

1493. ON SATURDAY ♪ ♪ SEE YA AT CHURCH ON SUNDAY HOPE I MIGHT COME IN ON MONDAY

1494. HOPE I MIGHT COME IN ON MONDAY WONDER WHAT THE ♪ ♪ INTERNET 'GON SAY

1495. WONDER WHAT THE ♪ ♪ INTERNET 'GON SAY WHEN SNL AND WITH THE

1496. CLIMING DOWN ♪ ♪ YOU BETTER COME ON IN

1497. THIS HOUSE COME ON IN THIS HOUSE ♪ ♪ CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN

1498. THIS HOUSE ♪ ♪ CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN IT'S GONNA RAIN

1499. IT'S GONNA RAIN ♪

1500. OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S CALM IT DOWN. NOW, I AM VERY SORRY I GOT UPSET

1501. IT DOWN. NOW, I AM VERY SORRY I GOT UPSET WITH THAT WOMAN, BUT THERE IS NO

1502. NOW, I AM VERY SORRY I GOT UPSET WITH THAT WOMAN, BUT THERE IS NO OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED IN THE

1503. WITH THAT WOMAN, BUT THERE IS NO OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED IN THE STRIP CLUB.

1504. OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED IN THE STRIP CLUB. I KNOW YOU WANT TO HAVE A GOOD

1505. STRIP CLUB. I KNOW YOU WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, BUT A FULL STYROFOAM PLATE

1506. I KNOW YOU WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, BUT A FULL STYROFOAM PLATE OF CHICKEN VINDALOO, THAT'S NOT

1507. TIME, BUT A FULL STYROFOAM PLATE OF CHICKEN VINDALOO, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

1508. OF CHICKEN VINDALOO, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

1509. GOING TO WORK. HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE

1510. HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND ALSO YOURSELF.

1511. HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND ALSO YOURSELF.

1512. AROUND YOU AND ALSO YOURSELF. I MEAN, LOOK AT THE MESS THAT

1513. I MEAN, LOOK AT THE MESS THAT SHE LEFT.

1514. I MEAN, LOOK AT THE MESS THAT SHE LEFT. IT LOOKS LIKE A HOG CAME THROUGH

1515. SHE LEFT. IT LOOKS LIKE A HOG CAME THROUGH HERE.

1516. IT LOOKS LIKE A HOG CAME THROUGH HERE.

1517. NOW, ARE YOU LADIES READY TO GET

1518. NOW, ARE YOU LADIES READY TO GET HORNED UP? YOU WANT TO SEE SOME PEEN?

1519. HORNED UP? YOU WANT TO SEE SOME PEEN?

1520. YOU WANT TO SEE SOME PEEN? WE GOT A GREAT GRADE-A LINEUP OF

1521. WE GOT A GREAT GRADE-A LINEUP OF PURE BEEF FOR YOU TONIGHT.

1522. WE GOT A GREAT GRADE-A LINEUP OF PURE BEEF FOR YOU TONIGHT. FOUR BRAND NEW FACES.

1523. PURE BEEF FOR YOU TONIGHT. FOUR BRAND NEW FACES. LET'S HEAR IT, ED HUMP JOHNSON.

1524. FOUR BRAND NEW FACES. LET'S HEAR IT, ED HUMP JOHNSON. THEY PUT TOGETHER A REAL HOT

1525. LET'S HEAR IT, ED HUMP JOHNSON. THEY PUT TOGETHER A REAL HOT SHOW FOR YA.

1526. THEY PUT TOGETHER A REAL HOT SHOW FOR YA. LET'S BRING THEM OUT.

1527. SHOW FOR YA. LET'S BRING THEM OUT. AND HIT IT!

1528. LET'S BRING THEM OUT. AND HIT IT! GOOD EVENING, LADIES.

1529. AND HIT IT! GOOD EVENING, LADIES. I AM BILL, AND I'M THRILLED TO

1530. GOOD EVENING, LADIES. I AM BILL, AND I'M THRILLED TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SIT FOR

1531. I AM BILL, AND I'M THRILLED TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SIT FOR YOU THIS EVENING.

1532. HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SIT FOR YOU THIS EVENING. AND I'M FRANCIS.

1533. YOU THIS EVENING. AND I'M FRANCIS. AND I HAIL FROM THE GREAT STATE

1534. AND I'M FRANCIS. AND I HAIL FROM THE GREAT STATE OF OREGON, HOME OF THE MAJESTIC

1535. AND I HAIL FROM THE GREAT STATE OF OREGON, HOME OF THE MAJESTIC REDWOOD.

1536. OF OREGON, HOME OF THE MAJESTIC REDWOOD. ME.

1537. REDWOOD. ME. I'M KEITH.

1538. ME. I'M KEITH. AND I'M FROM A SMALL LOBSTER

1539. I'M KEITH. AND I'M FROM A SMALL LOBSTER TOWN IN NEW ENGLAND.

1540. AND I'M FROM A SMALL LOBSTER TOWN IN NEW ENGLAND. I'M CRAIG, AND THE WHITE,

1541. TOWN IN NEW ENGLAND. I'M CRAIG, AND THE WHITE, SANDY SHORES OF OAHU IS WHERE I

1542. I'M CRAIG, AND THE WHITE, SANDY SHORES OF OAHU IS WHERE I CALL HOME.

1543. SANDY SHORES OF OAHU IS WHERE I CALL HOME. THIS IS OUR AMERICA!

1544. THIS IS OUR AMERICA!

1545. TAXI!

1546. TAXI!

1547. NEXT UP, NEW YORK CITY! STEP ON IT.

1548. NEXT UP, NEW YORK CITY! STEP ON IT. ALL ABOARD!

1549. STEP ON IT. ALL ABOARD!

1550. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

1551. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I PAID TO SEE NAKED TOOL. SOME BETTER FLOP OUT OF THEIR

1552. I PAID TO SEE NAKED TOOL. SOME BETTER FLOP OUT OF THEIR PANTS PRETTY QUICK.

1553. SOME BETTER FLOP OUT OF THEIR PANTS PRETTY QUICK.

1554. PANTS PRETTY QUICK. I APPRECIATE THEIR

1555. I APPRECIATE THEIR SHOWMANSHIP.

1556. I APPRECIATE THEIR SHOWMANSHIP. IT'S STARTING TO RAIN.

1557. SHOWMANSHIP. IT'S STARTING TO RAIN. JUST OUR LUCK.

1558. IT'S STARTING TO RAIN. JUST OUR LUCK. ON OUR FIRST DAY IN THE BIG

1559. JUST OUR LUCK. ON OUR FIRST DAY IN THE BIG CITY?

1560. ON OUR FIRST DAY IN THE BIG CITY? YOU GOT TO BE JOKING ME!

1561. CITY? YOU GOT TO BE JOKING ME! AH, WHO CARES?

1562. YOU GOT TO BE JOKING ME! AH, WHO CARES? TAKE A LOOK AT THAT SKYLINE.

1563. AH, WHO CARES? TAKE A LOOK AT THAT SKYLINE. TAXI CAB!

1564. TAKE A LOOK AT THAT SKYLINE. TAXI CAB!

1565. TAXI CAB! SHOULD I STOP THIS?

1566. SHOULD I STOP THIS? I MEAN, WHAT SHOULD A MAN IN MY

1567. SHOULD I STOP THIS? I MEAN, WHAT SHOULD A MAN IN MY POSITION DO?

1568. I MEAN, WHAT SHOULD A MAN IN MY POSITION DO? TOP STORY!

1569. POSITION DO? TOP STORY! THE GERMANS ARE RETREATING!

1570. TOP STORY! THE GERMANS ARE RETREATING!

1571. THE GERMANS ARE RETREATING! YOU GET IT?

1572. YOU GET IT? THE WAR IS OVER!

1573. YOU GET IT? THE WAR IS OVER! WE WON!

1574. THE WAR IS OVER! WE WON! TAXI!

1575. WE WON! TAXI! WHEW.

1576. TAXI! WHEW. OKAY, MAYBE WE JUST GOT TO TIP

1577. WHEW. OKAY, MAYBE WE JUST GOT TO TIP THEM.

1578. OKAY, MAYBE WE JUST GOT TO TIP THEM. YOU KNOW WHAT?

1579. THEM. YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, EVEN IF THEY DO STRIP, I'M

1580. YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, EVEN IF THEY DO STRIP, I'M NOT SURE I'LL BE TURNED ON AT

1581. NO, EVEN IF THEY DO STRIP, I'M NOT SURE I'LL BE TURNED ON AT THIS POINT.

1582. NOT SURE I'LL BE TURNED ON AT THIS POINT. WOO!

1583. THIS POINT. WOO! THANK YOU, MA'AM.

1584. WOO! THANK YOU, MA'AM.

1585. THANK YOU, MA'AM. HE PUT AT THIS PRESENT TIME

1586. HE PUT AT THIS PRESENT TIME IN HIS WALLET.

1587. HE PUT AT THIS PRESENT TIME IN HIS WALLET. YEAH, YEAH, BUT IT WORKED.

1588. IN HIS WALLET. YEAH, YEAH, BUT IT WORKED. LOOK, LOOK.

1589. YEAH, YEAH, BUT IT WORKED. LOOK, LOOK. WHY ARE THEY WEARING VERY

1590. LOOK, LOOK. WHY ARE THEY WEARING VERY LONG SHORTS UNDER THEIR

1591. WHY ARE THEY WEARING VERY LONG SHORTS UNDER THEIR BREAKAWAY PANTS?

1592. LONG SHORTS UNDER THEIR BREAKAWAY PANTS? LISTEN, THESE MEN ARE NOT —

1593. BREAKAWAY PANTS? LISTEN, THESE MEN ARE NOT — THEY'RE HOT.

1594. LISTEN, THESE MEN ARE NOT — THEY'RE HOT. YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT.

1595. THEY'RE HOT. YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT. THIS SHOW MAY NOT BE PERFECT BUT

1596. YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT. THIS SHOW MAY NOT BE PERFECT BUT THEY CARE ABOUT IT.

1597. THIS SHOW MAY NOT BE PERFECT BUT THEY CARE ABOUT IT. YEAH, BUT THIS PART IS JUST

1598. THEY CARE ABOUT IT. YEAH, BUT THIS PART IS JUST RACIST.

1599. YEAH, BUT THIS PART IS JUST RACIST.

1600. RACIST. CHINATOWN IS AMAZING!

1601. CHINATOWN IS AMAZING! SO MANY RACIST CHINESE PEOPLE.

1602. CHINATOWN IS AMAZING! SO MANY RACIST CHINESE PEOPLE. AND CULTURE!

1603. SO MANY RACIST CHINESE PEOPLE. AND CULTURE! WHAT AN AFTERNOON!

1604. AND CULTURE! WHAT AN AFTERNOON!

1605. WHAT AN AFTERNOON! WHIP OUT YOUR NAKED

1606. WHIP OUT YOUR NAKED DING-DONGS NOW.

1607. WHIP OUT YOUR NAKED DING-DONGS NOW. TAXI!

1608. DING-DONGS NOW. TAXI! YEAH.

1609. TAXI! YEAH. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE HIRED

1610. YEAH. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE HIRED THESE MEN WHEN THEY SHOWED UP

1611. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE HIRED THESE MEN WHEN THEY SHOWED UP WITH LITTLE DANCE BAGS THAT SAID

1612. THESE MEN WHEN THEY SHOWED UP WITH LITTLE DANCE BAGS THAT SAID "TISCH SCHOOL OF THE ARTS."

1613. WITH LITTLE DANCE BAGS THAT SAID "TISCH SCHOOL OF THE ARTS."

1614. "TISCH SCHOOL OF THE ARTS." THEN THEY ASKED IF I SUPPLIED

1615. THEN THEY ASKED IF I SUPPLIED CHARACTER SHOES.

1616. THEN THEY ASKED IF I SUPPLIED CHARACTER SHOES. NOW, GENLTLEMEN, LISTEN UP.

1617. CHARACTER SHOES. NOW, GENLTLEMEN, LISTEN UP. IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WORKING

1618. NOW, GENLTLEMEN, LISTEN UP. IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WORKING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT, YOU

1619. IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WORKING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT, YOU MUST EXPOSE YOUR STINKY PEANUT

1620. AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT, YOU MUST EXPOSE YOUR STINKY PEANUT AND TESTICLES.

1621. MUST EXPOSE YOUR STINKY PEANUT AND TESTICLES.

1622. AND TESTICLES. NO, NO, YOU GOT TO DO IT WITH

1623. NO, NO, YOU GOT TO DO IT WITH THE MUSIC.

1624. NO, NO, YOU GOT TO DO IT WITH THE MUSIC.

1625. > SHOPPING ON LINE IS AS EASY AS IT GETS. WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF HIRING

1626. AS IT GETS. WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF HIRING PLUMBERS, CARPENTERS AND EVEN

1627. WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF HIRING PLUMBERS, CARPENTERS AND EVEN PIANO TUTORS WAS JUST AS SIMPLE?

1628. PLUMBERS, CARPENTERS AND EVEN PIANO TUTORS WAS JUST AS SIMPLE? NOW IT IS.

1629. PIANO TUTORS WAS JUST AS SIMPLE? NOW IT IS. WITH ARONS LIST.

1630. NOW IT IS. WITH ARONS LIST. WITH JUST A FEW CLICKS, YOU CAN

1631. WITH ARONS LIST. WITH JUST A FEW CLICKS, YOU CAN FIND ANYONE FROM A HANDYMAN TO A

1632. WITH JUST A FEW CLICKS, YOU CAN FIND ANYONE FROM A HANDYMAN TO A HOUSE CLEANER.

1633. FIND ANYONE FROM A HANDYMAN TO A HOUSE CLEANER. WITH ARON'S LIST?

1634. HOUSE CLEANER. WITH ARON'S LIST? SURE.

1635. WITH ARON'S LIST? SURE. BUT WE OFFER PEOPLE 15% LOWER

1636. SURE. BUT WE OFFER PEOPLE 15% LOWER THAN OUR COMPETITORS.

1637. BUT WE OFFER PEOPLE 15% LOWER THAN OUR COMPETITORS. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, ARON?

1638. THAN OUR COMPETITORS. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, ARON? I'M NOT ARON.

1639. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, ARON? I'M NOT ARON. IT STANDS FOR THE ON-LINE SEX

1640. I'M NOT ARON. IT STANDS FOR THE ON-LINE SEX OFFENDERS.

1641. IT STANDS FOR THE ON-LINE SEX OFFENDERS. WHAT?

1642. OFFENDERS. WHAT? LOOK.

1643. WHAT? LOOK. NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE THE BAD

1644. LOOK. NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE THE BAD KIND OF SEX OFFENDER.

1645. NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE THE BAD KIND OF SEX OFFENDER. THAT'S WHY ARONS ONLY FEATURES

1646. KIND OF SEX OFFENDER. THAT'S WHY ARONS ONLY FEATURES LOW-CRIMINAL OFFENSES LIKE

1647. THAT'S WHY ARONS ONLY FEATURES LOW-CRIMINAL OFFENSES LIKE STREAKING AND PENIS PRANKS.

1648. LOW-CRIMINAL OFFENSES LIKE STREAKING AND PENIS PRANKS. AND THEIR OFFENSES MAKE IT

1649. STREAKING AND PENIS PRANKS. AND THEIR OFFENSES MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO ACHIEVE

1650. AND THEIR OFFENSES MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO ACHIEVE JOBS OF ANY KIND.

1651. IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO ACHIEVE JOBS OF ANY KIND. WHAT ABOUT JANITORS FOR MY

1652. JOBS OF ANY KIND. WHAT ABOUT JANITORS FOR MY SMALL BUSINESS?

1653. WHAT ABOUT JANITORS FOR MY SMALL BUSINESS? THERE ARE LITERALLY THOUSANDS

1654. SMALL BUSINESS? THERE ARE LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF US.

1655. THERE ARE LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF US. EVEN DOG WALKERS?

1656. OF US. EVEN DOG WALKERS? I'LL DO IT.

1657. EVEN DOG WALKERS? I'LL DO IT. AND THEY'RE ALWAYS UP FRONT

1658. I'LL DO IT. AND THEY'RE ALWAYS UP FRONT ABOUT THEIR OFFENSES.

1659. AND THEY'RE ALWAYS UP FRONT ABOUT THEIR OFFENSES. I EXPOSED MYSELF POSITIVE A

1660. ABOUT THEIR OFFENSES. I EXPOSED MYSELF POSITIVE A JUMBOTRON.

1661. I EXPOSED MYSELF POSITIVE A JUMBOTRON. TAKE THAT, KISS CAM.

1662. JUMBOTRON. TAKE THAT, KISS CAM. I MESSED UP ALL THE FILE

1663. TAKE THAT, KISS CAM. I MESSED UP ALL THE FILE CABINETS MARKED P.

1664. I MESSED UP ALL THE FILE CABINETS MARKED P. WOW.

1665. CABINETS MARKED P. WOW. WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN ALL MY

1666. WOW. WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

1667. WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN ALL MY LIFE? LET'S JUST SAY UNDER THE

1668. LIFE? LET'S JUST SAY UNDER THE HIGHWAY.

1669. LET'S JUST SAY UNDER THE HIGHWAY. ARONS LIST.

1670. HIGHWAY. ARONS LIST. BECAUSE THE REAL CRIME IS HIGH

1671. ARONS LIST. BECAUSE THE REAL CRIME IS HIGH PRICES.

1672. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU TO CHANCE THE RAPPER.

1673. EVERYBODY. THANK YOU TO CHANCE THE RAPPER.

1674. THANK YOU TO CHANCE THE RAPPER. WILL FERRELL, JEREMIAH.

1675. WILL FERRELL, JEREMIAH. AMAZING.

1676. WILL FERRELL, JEREMIAH. AMAZING. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

1677. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.